pride

Behind the Seams: Queer & Kinky

Kate Sloan

June 15, 2021

I received a last-minute tip via Twitter that there was a second-dose vaccine clinic set up way the hell over in the west end of Toronto, so I basically threw some clothes on and hopped in an Uber. I’d dressed up for my first dose so decided to dress up a little for this one too. It was a celebratory occasion, after all!

The line ended up taking over an hour, but it was fine because I had anticipated this possibility and brought my Kindle with me. I stood in line reading Don’t Call It a Cult, one of the best pieces of reporting I’ve ever read about a cult – in this case, NXIVM, the weird-ass Albany-based “self-improvement” cult that involved strange sexual rites and a whole lotta lies. Interesting stuff. I almost kinda wanted the line to last longer so I could read more of it!

The nurse who gave me my vaccine commented that the “I got my COVID-19 vaccines!” sticker being distributed actually matched my dress perfectly. Awesome.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Silk heart-print mask – a sweet gift from my friend/roommate Sarah
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband – hand-me-down from my spouse

June 18, 2021

I’ve been trying to go on more walks lately, which is hard because of my depression, anxiety, chronic pain, etc. – but I definitely find it easier when I can wear a cute outfit!

This was my attempt at a slightly “athletic” ensemble, or at least one that wouldn’t cause me to feel overheated or overburdened while I trekked down to the lake and back.

During my walk, I listened to the cancel culture episode of You’re Wrong About, a cleverly nuanced podcast episode that I wish everyone on the internet would listen to. Mike and Sarah basically expressed all my exact opinions on the subject.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Black spaghetti-strap crop top – American Apparel (isn’t it cute??)
• Black leggings – American Eagle
• Turquoise/orange/pink/purple Nike running shoes – a gift from my love
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Toy Story-print mask – an Etsy shop
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband

June 20, 2021

I wore this to go stay at my parents’ house overnight. My mom had not seen Bo Burnham’s Inside yet and wanted to because I would not shut up about it, so I came over and watched it with her on her big-screen TV. Even after multiple viewings, it holds up, IMO. (And the songs will not get out of my fucking head.)

I tend to throw on a pencil skirt on days when I’m feeling shitty about my body but still want to show it off. They make me feel like my curves are fetching and foxy, which they are, tbh.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Black crop top – Forever 21, I think?
• Black pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Canvas tote bag – Her Highness (it has a cute red heart on it)
• Black KN95 mask
• Lock & key necklace – my partner’s chastity key + an engraved lock from L’Amour-Propre + a chain from Roma
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband
• Goodbye Honolulu baseball cap – gifted to me by my mom because she thought it looked good with my outfit (indeed it did)

June 24, 2021

I think I feel more able to “dress gay” during Pride month, which is silly. I’m a freelancer who works from home! I’ve been out as bi for 14 years! I can dress as queer as I want to, any time I want to, and I should!

I had just rediscovered this hat at my parents’ house and taken it home with me. I bought it from MaruHats 6 years ago (!) and have never really felt all that confident wearing it, despite thinking it’s fly as hell. I like that it has a hole in the back, through which I can thread my ponytail for some cute sporty vibes, but (as some of my Instagram followers pointed out when I mentioned that wearing it was giving me some Weird Gender Feelings), I think wearing my hair down is best with hats like these because that way I feel more femme. Anyway, it’s hard to feel masc in a heart-print romper, so there’s that, at least.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Heart-print romper – MeUndies
• Turquoise and purple “Think Positive” snapback – MaruHats on Etsy
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband
• Black KN95 mask

June 26, 2021

Literally within a MINUTE of finding out that KinkAcademy had made a T-shirt that says “queer & kinky” in rainbow text, I had purchased one. It feels like I was made to own it. Wearing it out into the world proved a bit nervewracking, as it is not exactly a subtle garment in its messaging, but it was Pride weekend so I felt okay about it.

I wore this ensemble to walk over to the Aesop store on Queen Street West, where they were doing a Pride-week promotion: they had removed all the Aesop products from their shelves and stocked them instead with books by queer authors from the Glad Day Bookshop, and every customer was invited to choose one book to take home for free. What an utterly inspired thing to do for the queer community!

I ended up leaving with a copy of Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. I adore Kai Cheng’s advice column on Xtra and knew I’d like this book of hers too. I took it with me to a local pub patio for dinner, and it kept me company while I sat and soaked up the summer sun.

 

What I’m wearing:

• “Queer & kinky” T-shirt – KinkAcademy’s Redbubble shop
• Black skirt – ASOS
• Turquoise and purple “Think Positive” snapback – MaruHats on Etsy
• Blue leather collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Hot pink Coach tote
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband
• Black KN95 mask

FYI: Still Bi

Kate Sloan

It’s Pride Month, my darlings; a time to reflect
On which values we value, which folks we protect.

But sadly, this month, I’ve felt flooded with doubt
Though I’m prideful as ever, and still just as “out.”

I’m bisexual, see. It’s a comfortable label.
My life may transform, but that word remains stable.

But other queers argue I’m being bi “badly.”
“Be queerer!” they yell. “But I am,” I say, sadly.

Yeah, I mostly date dudes, but that’s not the whole story.
My attractions are manifold. Sex strictures bore me.

Queers call me “straight” when I date a cis guy,
Or dress like a femme – but I’m still fucking bi.

They called me a lesbian when I “looked more queer,”
But hey, you know what? Still bi over here.

Whatever I do, and wherever I go,
I’m neither a homo nor a hetero.

I’m bi through and through. One hundred percent.
I’m neither confused nor a fraud. I’m content.

Whoever I date and whoever I bone,
I’m still always bi, and I let it be known.

Don’t tell me I’m fake or I’m “not queer enough.”
I’m bi. You don’t like my approach to it? Tough.

My identity’s constant, wherever I am:
On my blog, on my podcast, and everywhere. Bam!

So biphobes, fuck off. Here’s a big FYI:
I’ll always be queer and I’ll always be bi.

Dildoface: Rainbow Amor

Kate Sloan

Dildoface: Rainbow Amor from Girly Juice on Vimeo.

Pride is one of my favorite dress-up occasions of the whole year. It’s common to see Pride spectators and participants wearing eye-gougingly bright colors, over-the-top kinky ensembles, or sometimes nothing at all. For a fan of the outrageous, it’s a beautiful time to be alive!

Inspired by Pride weekend here in Toronto, I decided to make a video. It’s the first in what’ll hopefully be a series of DILDO-INSPIRED MAKEUP TUTORIALS! (How did I never think of this before?!)

In this video, I show you how to do an obnoxiously bright rainbow eye look, inspired by the Fun Factory Rainbow Amor. It’s one of the cutest dildos in my collection, and even featured prominently in a strap-on selfie I took this morning. What better dildo to evoke an eyeshadow look?

If you want an Amor of your very own, you can get one at SheVibe. The rainbow version has been discontinued (boo!), but you can still get one in pink, orange, or black. Adorbz!

Let me know what you think of Dildoface: should I do more videos like this? What dildos from my collection would make for good makeup muses? I’m all ears!

4 Ways to Bring a Little More Gay Into Your Life

Kate Sloan

As the Pride festival nears, I’m spending a lot of time pondering my queerness. Specifically, where my queerness fits into my life as a person in a “straight” relationship.

Being bisexual has always been a bit of a struggle for me, identity-wise, because ever since I came out I’ve always hated the idea of being mistaken for straight or gay (both of which have happened to me countless times). I wish people would just “read” me as bi, but it rarely seems to happen.

And now that I’ve been dating a man for over two years, and have a gender presentation that’s as cis and femme as ever, it seems my queerness always gets lost in the shuffle. Even in queer spaces, I don’t always feel understood or seen. I’ve gotten booed for kissing my boyfriend at Pride events, I’ve had people try to explain basic LGBTQ concepts to me as if they’d be totally foreign to my mind, I’ve had people give me stares that say “What are you doing here?” It makes me sad.

Bleeding-heart complaints aside, I know that there are other people who feel the way I do – people whose identity straddles some line(s) between hetero and queer, and who feel skewered on that fence. Here are some suggestions for how you can re-access the gay side of yourself, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost it a little bit.

1. Volunteer for an LGBTQ organization. There is surely one in your area, so get Googlin’! I’m using the word “organization” broadly here – you could do fundraising at your local nonprofit, get in contact with school administrators to see if you can help set up GSAs, join the street team for your city’s Pride festival, or even see if your local LGBT yoga group needs help washing mats. It can be enormously nourishing to meet new people from your community and to do good work for that community. (And baby, if you ain’t got no time, maybe you could give some money instead.)

2. Consume queer media. If you do this already, do it more! Some recommendations: books by S. Bear Bergman and Ivan Coyote, porn by Courtney Trouble and Shine Louise Houston, documentaries about the LGBT community, and The L Word in its entirety.

3. Wear a queer talisman. Granted, plenty of LGBT folks think it’s tacky as hell to wear a rainbow bracelet or gay suspenders or what have you. But, honestly, when I’m going into a situation where I absolutely do not want people to mistake me for straight, sometimes it makes me feel a whole lot better to adorn myself in one or two loud-and-queer accessories. My talisman of choice is usually my rainbow wristband – it goes with every outfit!

4. Re-read old journals/blog posts/love letters from when you had your first same-sex crush. Remember how weird that felt? How scared and yet excited you were? Remember all the concerns these new feelings raised for you – how/when/whether to come out, what label(s) fit you best, what it all meant? Those seminal experiences paved your path into a queer identity and (hopefully) community, so they’re worth revisiting if you’re feeling a little cloudy on those topics.

I know there will inevitably be people who want to tell me something like, “Just be who you are! It doesn’t matter whether people think you’re straight or whether you’ve ‘got enough gay in your life.’ Just live your life.” And they’re right, to a certain extent… but hey, queer folks should know better than anyone that sometimes you gotta engage in some self-care in order to feel okay about how people are reacting to you. And this is some of mine.

Photo credit: Sue Maguire.

Happy Pride!

Kate Sloan

For those of you who celebrate Pride, I hope it is/was/will be a fantastically fun time for you this year.

I wish that you get covered in rainbow glitter, that somehow rinses off easily when you want it to. (Easily rinsable glitter is a myth, but a girl can dream.)

I wish you lots of hot strangers of the gender(s) you find attractive, looking you up and down as you sashay past.

I wish you plenty of roadside booths stocked with T-shirts with silly slogans, sparkly cowboy hats, and hand-blown glass dildos in Pride colors.

I wish you epic dance parties in dark sweaty clubs, and exactly as much physical contact from strangers as you desire, whether that’s none at all or a whole lot.

I wish you a reverential experience that reminds you of why it’s so crucial to feel outrageously proud of who you are.

I wish you total self-acceptance and, in fact, self-adoration.

Happy Pride, darlings! I’ll see you tomorrow for more sex toy talk.
-G.J.