April was a bit of a tumultuous month – I got my PayPal account shut down for being a sex writer and had to reshuffle a bunch of career stuff as a result – but I think I managed to salvage it, for the most part! Here’s some of the sexy/sensual/smart stuff I liked this month…
Sex toys
• Rock Candy sent me an 8-inch blue dildo that is just a glorious hunk o’ silicone. I requested it for pegging purposes, because my Ambit is feeling a little too small these days, but the Rock Candy Suga Daddy (what a name) is probably too big for my partner to take unless we’re in the mood for a lot of warm-up. I really like it for vaginal use, though! It’s girthy but not ridiculously so, long enough to hit my A-spot, and partway between realistic and whimsical. Perf.
• I snapped up a glittery gold April Fool’s Day version of Funkit Toys’ NoFrillDo X, fully expecting to enjoy it more for its aesthetic charms than its tactile ones, but actually, it’s delightful on both axes! The silicone is firm, the length is sufficient for A-spotting, and the ripply ridges are lovely. Yay!
• Another dildo? Yep! Still enamored with the VixSkin Bandit. The dimensions are perfect for me, and my partner likes that he can easily change the angle of penetration by varying how he holds the toy.
Fantasy fodder
• My Sir and I watched GUSH, a film by my pal Kate Sinclaire, together over the phone this month. It depicts a cis man squirting – not ejaculating in the usual sense, but something more akin to vaginal ejaculation, only from a penis – and it’s amazing. It made me think a lot about how gender is a construct and you can play with androgynous energy in all sorts of fun ways during sex.
• I got an email from male companion Madison James about a hypno audio track he made (his voice is very good, wow), and it got me thinking about wanting to do a roleplay with my Sir where he plays a sex worker and I’m the client. Sex as a service has been a big fantasy of mine for many years so this makes sense. Maybe one day we’ll pick a swanky hotel bar and do the thing.
• This month I fucked my lovely FWB for the first time in a while and I found myself thinking a lot afterward about how good he smells… and also how hard he works to make me feel good… I’ve only had two sexual partners over the past 14 months and that feels jarring to me, as a former major slut, but they’re both so excellent that who even cares?
Sexcetera
• I’m pleased to announce that my new newsletter, Sub Missives, is live! It’s a place for writing that’s more vulnerable and personal than I would typically get into here. The first edition, about phone sex and mental health, is free, but subsequent editions (including one about service submission and an upcoming one about polyamory and introversion) can be accessed by paying $5/month or $50/year. I hope you’ll sign up if you want more of my words!
• Sextistics: this month I had phone sex 21 times and in-person sex 17 times, totalling 38 sessions in all, making this my most sexually active month of the year so far.
Femme stuff
• I got my first Brazilian wax this month. I grew out my pubes for about three and a half weeks beforehand, which is the longest I’ve ever gone without shaving them, and then a nice lady ripped them out of me. It was painful, but not as bad as I thought it was gonna be, and I loved the results. Still debating whether needing to grow out the hair in between waxes is worth it to me for the thrillingly bare outcome (and high price tag).
• My velvet obsession continues: I bought a pale pink velvet slip from H&M and fell in love with its ethereal vibes. I wore it to my birthday drinks get-together with a grey cardigan, a blue sparkly heart necklace, black boots, and a smoky eye.
• My boy Paul at Avalon Hair Design darkened up my hair again and made me feel like a queen, as always. Thanks, Paul!
Media
• I read Laurie Essig’s book Love, Inc. after acquiring it through the magical media portal that is NetGalley, and it kind of blew my mind. Essig argues in it that the ideology of romance is distracting us and giving us false optimism at a time in human history when we really need to focus on bigger, more pressing issues (like that whole climate change thing, not to mention fascism and late-stage capitalism). While this book didn’t quite convince me to give up my idealistic romanticism, it did remind me to look at romantic myths critically and to pay more attention to the world outside my window instead of getting caught up in insular relationships.
• If you’re interested in the restaurant/bar business, you’ve gotta watch episode 2 of 7 Days Out on Netflix! It’s a short documentary about Eleven Madison Park, a fancy-as-fuck restaurant in New York. This piece of cinematic mastery is a devastatingly well-edited and often hilarious story of hard work, setbacks, passion, and obsession. Would recommend!
• My brother’s band Goodbye Honolulu has a new single out called U Got It and it’s a bop!
Little things
Exciting career developments. The great turquoise wall in my neighborhood that makes for the best selfies. Getting my friend high for his first time ever. Big diner breakfasts while I work. Our new relationship check-in questions, which Matt came up with after doing a bunch of research on relationship health (what a nerd). Surprisingly okay margaritas at cheap bars. Making plans to move in with a friend! Massively culling my wardrobe to prepare for the move. Having a decent pain tolerance. Satisfyingly organized suitcases. Being interviewed by smart folks. The new Pride Converse line. Dramatic readings of Passover poems. Hanging out with my brilliant cousin and his wife and son. Espresso at Café Olimpico. Dining in the dark at O’Noir. Montreal bagels. Riding a giant Ferris wheel with a bunch of iOS nerds. Discussing sex robots and Japanese dating culture at a fancy banquet. “I’m not a trusting man…” Oysters and champagne. Morning sex.