rachel kramer bussel

What I’m Into: Sex as a Service

Kate Sloan

I think I’ve always had a thing for sexual servitude. I remember feverishly reading fanfiction as a young teen and experiencing a surge of arousal when words like “deftly” and “expertly” were used. Something about the idea of being skilfully, deliberately serviced was really appealing to my adolescent brain. And it still is.

The movie Hysteria fanned the flames for me. It’s hardly intended to be sexy, but Hugh Dancy as a doctor giving frustrated women “hysterical paroxysms” with his hand or a crude vibrator? Oh, swoon. Gimme some of that. (I know the whole idea of “female hysteria” is incredibly sexist and problematic. But, like Dylan Ryan says: your fantasy life is your fantasy life.)

Nowadays my fantasies often drift to service-related scenarios:

• The aforementioned hysteria doctors – dressed in full garb complete with lab coats and stethoscopes, of course – being perfectly on time for our appointment and dedicating several minutes of focused attention to bringing me to orgasm. Bonus points if there is a speculum involved.

• Hired escorts (male or female or sometimes one of each). In this fantasy I am typically a total pillow princess and just lay back while things are done to me. Maybe a domineering fuck while I’m sensory-deprived and tied up. Maybe a service-top scenario, where I’m only allowed to come when I’m told (but I will definitely come at some point). Maybe a long, slow massage with a happy ending. Hoooo boy.

• Rachel Kramer Bussel’s excellent story about a restaurant where women can receive oral sex from trained providers in a back room in between courses. (Dear RKB: Can we get together for cupcakes and an extended discussion of spanking and submission? Because I feel like we are totally on the same page about all of those things. Sincerely, GJ, your adoring fan.)

• A dutiful slaveboy who lives to please his mistress. Ideally one who prides himself on his stellar oral sex skills. I read a story (maybe in the anthology Tasting Her? which is also a Rachel Kramer Bussel publication?) where this male sub is so proud of his cunnilingual abilities that his domme decides to offer his services to a slew of other dommes at a sex conference party. Um. Sign me up.

Servitude is one of those strange fantasies that would never appeal to me in real life, at least not nearly as much as it does in my head. If I get the slightest inkling that my partner isn’t into what they’re doing or isn’t attracted to me, my arousal deflates like a punctured blow-up doll. I’m sure plenty of escorts, erotic masseuses and phone sex operators are skilled at creating the illusion of mutual enthusiasm, and I’m sure their customers love that, but I’m not sure I’d ever be able to relax enough to enjoy myself.

For now, though? I’m happy to fantasize about Dr. Hugh Dancy jerking me off under a medical blanket like he’s done it to hundreds of other women before me. Oh, doctor, you sure do know what you’re doing.

This post was made possible by the lovely folks at Babes of London! Kisses!

Book Review: Serving Him

Kate Sloan

I felt pretty starstruck when I saw Rachel Kramer Bussel at the Feminist Porn Conference, because I’ve been reading her erotica anthologies for years and I’ve determined that we are more-or-less sexually in sync – at least, if her story selections are anything to go by. We dig the same sexual acts, the same turns of phrase. So I always gravitate toward RKB over any other anthology editor, because I know I can count on her to deliver something that’ll turn me on. Serving Him is indeed edited by RKB, but I don’t feel quite the same about it as I feel about some of her other works.

I judge erotica anthologies by how many stories bore me versus how many make me put my hand in my panties, and this book has a medium score on that scale. As the title suggests, it’s full of juicy short stories about dominant men and submissive women (yes, this is a hetero-oriented tome).

Some favorite stories of mine include Lori Selke’s “What You Deserve,” which features fancy food and spanking; Maxine Marsh’s “Tackling Jessica,” in which a football move becomes a fantasy; and J. Sinclaire’s “Duo,” a delightfully smutty MMF three-way.

Some stories in this book contain elements that drain the arousal right out of me – breath-play, humiliation, and dubious consent, for example. While there are obviously folks for whom these things are the height of hotness, it actually made me somewhat anxious to read about them. The Tumblr social justice community has embraced “trigger warnings” wholeheartedly, and I’m wondering if it’s time for kinky/edgy erotica anthologies to do the same thing – sort of in the same vein as how Yes Means Yes uses themed keywords to help you decide which chapters you want to read and which you want to skip.

I also found there were some stories which focused overwhelmingly on the psychological aspects of Dom/sub dynamics, with very little actual smut. This, again, is something that doesn’t hit the spot for me, but may be perfect for folks who find the non-bedroom parts of D/s relationships just as exciting as the actual sexual encounters. To each their own, right?

I should note that I like Dom/sub scenarios, contrary to what this review might indicate. But I guess I only like ‘em when they’re focused on sex and maybe a little spanking – the other stuff is peripheral or antithetical to my personal sexuality, while it might be central to others’.

Thanks so much to Cleis Press for sending me Serving Him to review!

Sharing the Sexy #2

Kate Sloan

Here’s what I’m reading/watching/consuming about sex this week. Yeah, baby!

• Shay, of Conscious Cunt, interviewed me about body hair. We chatted about our pubes, pits, and legs, and how it all makes us feel about our bodies. Good readin’ for feministas and hairy princesses!

• Luscious Playthings is a new Etsy shop specializing in handmade glass toys. How stunning is this butt plug?!

• I love, love, love this video of Steve Hughes doing stand-up about the perceptions of gay men and straight men. His argument is a good one to bring up with any homophobes in your life, though they probably wouldn’t find it as funny as I do.

• Dodson and Ross answer the question, “How do I know if I’ve had an orgasm?” I usually say, “If you’ve had one, you’ll know,” but they have a different perspective.

• I know you’ve heard this all before, but this dude on Sexxit is insecure about his dick and a bunch of folks chimed in to cheer him up. My favorite comment (the top-voted one) is a great reality check for men everywhere: “Your dick is for your orgasm, not hers.” Amen to that! I certainly don’t know any men who can come from having a clit rubbed on them, the way women are expected to come from having penises penetrate them – do you?

• This post about “trans fat” people makes me realize how weird the world is getting. Trans fat folks are thin but identify as fat. Yeah, whatever…

• An oldie but a goodie: Starling writes about how to avoid coming off as “creepy” if you’re a dude. I strongly recommend that all men read this, especially straight men, to gain some insight and get some perspective.

• Rachel Kramer Bussel, one of my favorite erotica writers, lists her reasons for loving the Hitachi Magic Wand. As a side note, I recently bought a Hitachi and my feelings on it keep flip-flopping from loathing to love…

• Vagenda profiled 10 ridiculous products that are marketed at women. Surprise, surprise: a lot of them have to do with genital shame. When will this culture finally get tired of claiming that vaginas are gross?

• Mission: Great Sex is raising money to help find the most pleasurable, well-fitting condoms, in an effort to improve the population’s enjoyment of safe sex. Awesome!