Review: We-Vibe 3

Ah, couples’ vibrators. Such a wonderful idea in theory, so often poorly executed in practice.

Prior to my latest attempt at enjoying a couples’ vibe, the We-Vibe 3, I had tried the Lelo Tiani and the FixSation, neither of which impressed me. Both weren’t strong enough to get me off, both had shitty remote strength, and both tended to numb me out so it was still hard to get off even after I’d switch to a different toy. Boooo.

The We-Vibe 3 is better, but hardly. It has all the same problems that every other couples’ vibe I’ve tried has had: not strong enough, not rumbly enough, and bad signal strength.

Let’s talk about vibrations. You’d think We-Vibe would know what they’re doing in this department, since their Tango is one of my all-time favorite vibes: amazingly strong and rumbly, with four different speeds to scroll through, plus some cool patterns. The We-Vibe 3 has the same patterns as the Tango, but only two speeds, which just doesn’t work for me. I need to “ramp it up” gradually over time, or I go numb way too fast or get overstimulated and have to back off.

The Tango’s vibrations range from 3000 to 4800 RPM (keeping in mind that a lower RPM means a rumblier, deeper vibration quality), whereas the We-Vibe 3’s vibrations are either 3000 or 5500, depending on what setting you’re on. This means that the highest speed is way buzzier than the Tango’s top speed, resulting in increased numbness and a very surface-level sensation.

Also, I don’t know what the deal is, but the silicone of the We-Vibe 3 just doesn’t conduct vibrations nearly as well as the hard plastic of the Tango. I know a lot of people are sex toy snobs and will pick silicone over plastic any day, but I think this is one situation in which plastic would’ve been the better choice. At least then I could feel all the vibrations this toy puts out.

As for the remote – like every sex toy remote I’ve tried, the We-Vibe’s remote (which is admittedly ergonomic, relatively discreet, and easy to grip) needs to be pointed directly at the toy in order to work, and it often needs at least two or three tries before anything happens. A fold of skin or segment of muscle in the way, like a labia or thigh, will tend to make the remote useless.

And as if you weren’t annoyed enough already, it only has one button, which cycles through the two speeds and four modes. This is true of the Tango as well, but of course, it’s much more irritating when each setting change takes a few presses and a precise angle to make it work.

But I don’t hate everything about the We-Vibe. Its shape is surprisingly comfortable and stable; it never pokes me in the vaginal wall or slides around, like the Lelo Tiani does. When the inner arm is lubed, my boyfriend’s average-sized penis can slide right in, and it doesn’t feel like my vagina is over-stuffed at all.

My boyfriend is a fan of the We-Vibe, for two main reasons: first, the vibrations distract him just enough that he can actually last longer when it’s on, and second, it works best when we’re pressed up tight against each other in missionary (which is his favorite way to have sex, because it’s so intimate).

It’s also completely waterproof (including the remote), and charges in a little dock via conduction (including the remote), which is pretty cool.

But I just can’t get on board with the We-Vibe 3. Its vibrations aren’t good enough. They’re surface-level, they’re weakened by the silicone they’re embedded in, and the sub-par remote frustrates me to no end. This toy does make sex feel better, but it can’t make me come, and that’s an issue for me.

Review: Lelo Gigi

Many times over the years, I’ve accompanied various friends to sex shops to help them pick out a vibrator. And many times, I’ve fawned over the Lelo Gigi, explaining the wonders of its rechargeability, G-spot curve, and elegant appearance. As a result, several of my friends have a Gigi of their own now – but I didn’t get one until just recently. (And yes, I did call up my friends and say, “We’re twins!”)

The Gigi is from Lelo’s first line of toys, and they’ve come a long way since then. The now-antiquated Gigi feels weak and buzzy compared to some of my other Lelo treasures, like the Siri and Mona. If you’re looking for power, this toy will disappoint you.

But it does have some redeeming qualities. For one thing, it’s incredibly beautiful. I don’t know if Lelo has gone in a less glamorous direction in recent years or if I just glamorize their original collection in my mind, but the Gigi is a stunner. It oozes femininity, feels amazingly smooth to the touch, and fits in my hand perfectly.

The G-spotting aspect is pretty good too, though I feel Mona does a better job of that. Gigi is shaped much like the Ella, Lelo’s G-spot dildo, which – although I like it – can’t provide the pressure that I need, because of its slightly bendy neck. The Gigi doesn’t have this problem, since it’s completely firm from tip to tail. However, it’s short – only about 4 ½” insertable – so it’ll only work for you if you have a fairly shallow G-spot (and, ideally, small hands so you can grip that little handle).

I can get off with the Gigi if I use its flat head on my clit, but it’s never anything spectacular. The vibrations are so surface-level that they start to desensitize me after just a few minutes, and they’re not even very strong – the highest speed always feels like not quite enough for me.

If you don’t mind a weak-ish, buzzy vibe as long as it’s beautiful, then you’ll be happy with the Gigi. But otherwise, I’d advise waiting around til Lelo inevitably releases a second version of this toy, with a stronger, rumblier motor.

Review: Fun Factory G4 Patchy Paul

Vibrators don’t really excite me that much anymore. I’ve tried so many, and sometimes it feels like they’re all the same. Y’know?

But the Patchy Paul definitely excited me. After it spent months languishing in my wishlist, I finally decided to snap it up… and it delivered.

Fun Factory, particularly their line of G4 vibrators, is known for reeeeally intense and rumbly vibrations. This is not your mama’s vibrator (well, maybe it should be, because she would probably like it too!). This is a badass creation filled with pleasure potential.

Sometimes people ask me, “What can I get that has the power of a Hitachi without the dependence on an electrical outlet?” That’s a very tall order, and I’m not convinced that anything really fits the bill, but probably the closest is either a large Smart Wand or a G4 vibe. If your favorite masturbation accoutrements are slightly reminiscent of a jackhammer, you’ll love the motor in any G4 toy.

But why specifically the Patchy Paul? I chose it because I like texture, but not an insane amount of texture, and I also appreciate some G-spot lovin’. The Paul looks like a caterpillar, with a body that strokes your vaginal walls and a head that nuzzles your G-spot. It even has a little face – perfect for all you caterpillar fetishists out there. (Kidding. Those people aren’t reading this; they’re off looking at a nature blog somewhere. Duh.)

The Patchy Paul is rechargeable, 100% waterproof, and made of body-safe plastic and silicone. The only thing I don’t dig about it is that the vibrations are focused toward the middle of the shaft, not the tip of the toy where they ought to be… but they’re so strong that it doesn’t really affect my experience. I can use this toy vaginally or clitorally and either way, it rocks my ladyparts’ world.

The Patchy Paul has now officially become my favorite G-spot vibrator, right up there with the Lelo Mona. If you can get past its creepy caterpillar face, the two of you might end up being very happy together.

Review: Jimmyjane Form 2

Before I was a sex toy reviewer, I lusted passionately after everything Jimmyjane. I was especially curious about the Form 2, and my desire was inflamed even more when I saw that Gala Darling called the Form 2 “the best, best, best sex toy [she has] ever encountered.”

The Form 2 is a waterproof, rechargeable clitoral vibrator shaped like a pair of bunny ears or an extracted tooth. It comes in your choice of hot pink or “slate,” a dark grey color. It charges magnetically via a little dock that you can sit it on when it’s not in use. It’s covered in high-quality silicone and the bottom is stainless steel. In other words: ka-ching! This toy is luxe as hell. If it is your dream to feel like Donald Trump every time you masturbate, then you’ve arrived.

The magic of the Form 2 is in its dual motors. See, each ear has its own motor, so when you lay the toy vertically on your clit, each side gets its own dose of stimulation. I found this difficult to adjust to; normally I get off by having the top of my clit stimulated, through the hood, so stimulation of the sides felt a bit foreign. I remedied this by nestling my clit so the hood touches the valley in between the ears, which feels awesome and gets me off every single time.

But back to those dual motors… The Form 2 has some run-of-the-mill patterns, including constant vibration and short pulsations, but the winner, by a mile, is the oscillation mode. In this mode, the vibrations shift back and forth rhythmically between the two ears, and – as others have noted – it feels kind of like oral sex. Actually, I think it feels closer to oral than toys which try to feel like oral. Ever since I discovered this mode, I haven’t used the others at all, because it’s perfect.

The vibrations of the Form 2 are surprisingly strong and rumbly for how small it is. In fact, sometimes the lowest speed feels like too much when I first start using it – but then I just warm myself up by running the ears lightly over my labia and vaginal opening, and it all works out in the end.

It would be unethical of me to write a review of the Form 2 without mentioning what Epiphora calls its “fatal flaw”. Look around at almost any review of this toy and you’ll see mention of it: apparently sometimes the toy becomes very loud and the vibrations shift into the base, making it unusable. I’ve used my Form 2 many times and I’ve never encountered this glitch, but lots of people have reported it, so I feel it’s important to mention. This toy is expensive as hell and there’s no guarantee that it won’t act up (though it does come with a nice three-year warranty).

The Form 2 has become, easily, one of my very favorite clitoral vibes. It’s stronger and more pinpointed than the Lelo Siri and has better modes than the We-Vibe Tango – but it’s also more expensive and potentially less reliable than either of those toys, so take that into consideration.

Review: Lelo Lyla 2

I had no intention of checking out Lelo’s newly updated Insignia SenseMotion toys, because my experience with the original Tiani had been so mediocre. But then I was offered the Lyla 2 to review, and, well… I just can’t turn down free Lelo.

It worked out pretty well, in the end, because the updates Lelo has made to the SenseMotion toys are actually useful, not just for show.

The Lyla is a remote-controlled egg vibrator. It has a sturdy retrieval cord, so you can insert it vaginally with no concerns. As with the other SenseMotion toys, the accompanying remote is a small disk which is very chic-looking but comes with a host of inconveniences. For instance: it requires batteries, which sort of defeats the purpose of the Lyla being rechargeable, and in order to get the batteries in there, you have to use this annoying-ass “key” to get the chamber open.

Plus, the remote vibrates right along with the egg, which I’m sure Lelo thinks is an innovative and useful feature, but which actually just irritates me in almost every situation I’d ever use this toy. You can turn off the remote’s vibrations… in most of the toy’s modes. Not all.

As you can see, most of my gripes are about the toy’s remote rather than the toy itself – and that’s because the egg is pretty great. Its shape reminds me a lot of Lelo’s brilliant Siri vibe; rather than being entirely rounded, it’s got a soft “point” on the underside which sort of helps it to dig into my clit. This results in the vibrations feeling like they penetrate deeper into my clit, rather than just dancing on the surface.

One of the “new and improved” features of these updated SenseMotion toys is that the vibrations are supposed to be stronger. I would damn well hope so, considering how laughably weak my original Tiani was. And indeed, my Lyla 2 is stronger. It’s still weaker than I’d prefer – I find myself wishing there were maybe two or three more settings at the high end – but it can still get me off, so whateva. (Power queens beware: look elsewhere. Though, you probably knew that already. After all, it is Lelo.)

The other major update to this toy is that it supposedly has better wireless strength. This does seem to be true, but there’s still pretty significant delays sometimes: my boyfriend may change the remote’s setting from across the room and it can take several seconds for that change to be reflected in the egg. I’d say Lyla is leaps and bounds better than the other wireless remote-controlled vibes on the market, but it still isn’t perfect. Maybe it just isn’t reasonable to expect a company to ever get the technology right on this one.

I actually prefer the Lyla as a solo clit toy. True, you can’t use a dildo with it, because one hand has to hold the egg while the other holds the remote, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make sometimes. The SenseMotion mode, wherein tilting the remote to different angles produces gradually increasing vibration strengths, is easier and more intuitive than manually pressing a vibrator’s buttons – so when I want a simple and quick clitoral orgasm, I like using the Lyla. It’s also completely waterproof, and is fun for bathtime hijinks.

I don’t know how I feel about recommending the Lelo Lyla 2 to folks. It costs $139, which is expensive even for Lelo, and it’s not a perfect or versatile toy. But if you really, really want a remote-controlled vibe of the highest caliber, Lyla’s the one you’re looking for.