5 Things I Love About Rope Bondage

I’ve got rope on the brain today. Maybe it’s because this world is noisier and more chaotic than ever, but I’m craving the peace and quiet of a good rope session, whether I’m the one being tied up or the one doing the tying.

It’s a beautiful kinky art form with a rich history. Here’s a little knowledge gleaned from my personal history with rope – my top 5 favorite things about it!

 

It’s peaceful & meditative

Like I mentioned up top, I find rope bondage to be a deeply calming activity. As a top, it can be meditative to focus carefully on the tie(s) you’re doing, adjusting and re-adjusting as you go. As a bottom, I enjoy being focused on like that, and often find that my mind wanders in a blissfully aimless way during a rope scene, similarly to how it does during meditation, yoga, or a quiet sunset walk. Sharing that peaceful connection with a partner is wonderful, but I can find that serenity even when I’m tying myself. And on that note…

 

It can be a shared activity or a solo one

This isn’t true of all kinks – and indeed, depending on your physical and emotional needs, it may not even be true of rope for you – but I’ve always found that rope is something I enjoy doing on my own just as much as with a partner.

You can look up self-tie tutorials on YouTube or in rope bondage books written by educators you trust (Midori is a personal fave) and view a solo session as practicing on yourself, or as reconnecting with the deepest parts of yourself psychologically, the ones you keep quietly buried most of the time.

 

Everyone does it a little differently

There are several reasons I refer to rope bondage as an art form, rather than just a kink activity – and one way this is true is that each rope bondage tie is its own unique creation, even if you’re following along with a pre-existing pattern. Each person – from my cavalcade of ex-boyfriends to Berlin dungeon-dwellers to New Zealand escorts – will bring a slightly different flavor and approach to how they tie.

Some of my partners have gotten a little sadistic with it, rubbing the rope roughly along my skin to leave bitey burn marks in its wake. Some have been soothing and smooth, occasionally muttering some comforting reassurance in my ear. Some have narrated aloud throughout the scene, explaining what they’re doing, so our session is both sensual and educational. You can tell a lot about somebody by how they tie you up!

 

Being restrained is fucking hot

This might be the most obvious/common reason to do rope bondage, but it’s worth mentioning nonetheless! Bondage is one of my major kinks, and I tend to get wildly wet when tied up by someone I’m attracted to. The trust involved is intoxicating, the surrender can be delicious, and there can also be a frisson of objectification kink involved in rope, if I start to feel more like an intricate art project my top is perfecting than like a person (🔥).

For this reason, I’ve often found rope bondage to be good foreplay for me – although it’s also perfectly fine if my top has to peace out after we finish our aftercare, because I can always jerk off to the memory of the scene! (I used to have a bondage-focused FWB and he would occasionally bring me pizza, tie me up, cuddle me for a while, and then leave. Honestly ideal in many ways…!)

 

You usually get a nice souvenir…

…whether it’s a photo that your top snaps of the finished tie in all its glory, or some light rope burns on your skin, or maybe even a slight lingering soreness in certain muscles from holding still for a long time. Of course, you should seek medical attention if any such “souvenirs” become worrisome – like if you feel tingling from cut-off circulation anywhere, or think an abrasion might be getting infected – but for the most part, I’ve found rope to be a low-risk activity when done with a well-informed top, and I love seeing evidence of yesterday’s scene on my skin. 🥰

 

Fellow rope lovers, what are your favorite things about it?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Monthly Faves: Sword Cocks & Pink Sparkles

Nope, I’m not April-foolin’ you… Here are the sexy things I enjoyed in March!

Sex toys

• A trip away from home with less-than-satisfactory vibes left me appreciating my Eroscillator Top Deluxe and Magic Wand Rechargeable even more than usual. There are reasons they’re my near-constant go-to’s: their vibrations are rumbly, they’re intuitively designed, and I never want to throw them across the room mid-session for making me numb and keeping me from getting off. *cough*

• I used my good old NobEssence Seduction dildo a couple times this month, and damn, it’s still an out-of-this-world G-spot stimulator. I’ve also noticed that if I’m turned on enough, using enough lube, and angling it just right, it can graze my A-spot the tiniest bit. Neat!

• SheVibe sent me something new and weird: Blush Novelties’ Drago “sword” handle and a couple of lock-on dildos to go with it. Essentially it enables you to feel like you’re fucking yourself (or a partner) with a sword, which is certainly somebody’s fantasy! My partner and I tried it once and liked it more than we were expecting to. Full review to come!

Fantasy fodder

• My partner and I have been re-watching The L Word (well, it’s his first time watching it, but my… I dunno, 4th?) and I am struck all over again by how hot Shane, Bette, and Dana are. Almost everyone on that show is hot but those three are the ones I’ve pictured fingerbanging me with their strong arms in my private moments.

• M’dude tried his hand at rope bondage for the first time this month, in a hazy scene that involved me being blindfolded and in trance. It was nice to feel like a vacant-brained doll he could move around to suit his needs. I always forget just how much I love being tied up until it happens…

• Still reminiscing fondly on a blowjob I gave my partner while he was sitting in a gorgeous blue velvet armchair. I’ve been saying for ages that I might have a velvet kink and, uh, yeah, that’s a thing.

Sexcetera

• I’m officially a columnist at Herizons magazine now! The first edition of my “Body Politics” column, which focuses on consent and culture, came out this month. It’s about forgiveness narratives and victim-silencing, and you can check it out digitally or in print.

• I submitted my first-ever Make Love Not Porn scene, so if you’ve ever wanted to watch me get high, jerk off, unexpectedly squirt on the floor, and accidentally knock my computer over, go rent it!

• I had occasion this month to reflect on how transformative it can be to pose for sexy photos taken by someone who thinks you’re hot AF. My love took some cute portraits of me in new lingerie and they made me feel better about my body at a time when I was pretty mad at it.

• Sextistics: this month my partner and I had in-person sex 15 times and phone sex 21 times, totalling 36 sex sessions!

Femme stuff

• I am obsessed afresh with Frederic Malle’s Carnal Flower, the bewitching scent I first sampled ages ago because it’s Helena Fitzgerald‘s favorite. It’s somehow both as fresh-scrubbed as a blonde soccer mom at a PTA meeting and as ruthlessly sexy as… that same mom, later, in lingerie she knows’ll make her husband wolf-whistle.

• My new phone case from SupplyBlingsShop is the sparkliest, most over-the-top item I own. It is truly on-brand. They also make a super gay one, if you’re into that.

• I’ve been getting back into a slouchy star-print cardigan I bought in 2013 and wore throughout university. Sometimes it’s nice to wear cozy old favorites and feel like you’re rubbing shoulders with the version of yourself you used to be.

Media

• I read a lot of books this month but one of my faves was Nobody Cares by Anne T. Donahue, a series of confessional essays about everything from social media to alcoholism to anxiety to death. It’s been optioned to become a TV show, so apparently I’m not the only one who loved it!

• The other best book I read this month was High Heel by Summer Brennan. It’s a brilliant meditation on the high-heeled shoe as a microcosm of gender politics.

The Japanese House – a.k.a. the musical brainchild of androgynous wunderkind Amber Bain – has a new album out, Good At Falling. It’s a stunning reflection on loneliness, told through a bunch of absolute bops.

Little things

Didion and Pinter. Solo date nights in the Distillery. The way new clothes can reignite your sense of sartorial panache. Scribbling in a Moleskine with a Palomino pencil over a hot toddy at a cocktail bar. Wearing powerful lipstick to the airport so as to feel braver. Marathonning Brooklyn Nine-Nine with Bex while high. Good aftercare spreads. Interviewing people I find fascinating, and having them say, “Good question!” Tons of good theatre (Sondheim, [tos], MacIvor). The most beautiful hotel I’ve ever stayed at. Hanging out in a mysterious, exclusive park you need a key to get into. Writing naked in the morning. Scotch and ginger. Kale salad. Loading up on my fave strain. Good doctors. Blue leather. Eating fancy food while super highQueer Eye. Afternoon naps with an eye mask on. Pictures of your beloved that really capture their beauty.