sex shop

How to Tell Whether a Luxury Sex Toy is Worth the Money

Kate Sloan
Pictured: the Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble, the Désirables Dalia, and a Canadian $50 bill. Yes, our money really does look like that.

A lot of people ask me whether my pricier sex toys are worth the money. The answer depends vastly on what you’re looking for, and there are certainly many affordable toys that are perfectly decent (that’s a whole ‘nother blog post). But if you’ve got some cash burning a hole in your pocket and a high-end sex toy on the brain, here’s some advice on how to ensure it’s worth the dough.

 

Check the material first

For cost-cutting purposes, a lot of sex toy companies use materials that are porous, toxic, or both. This is made possible by the lack of regulation in the sex toy industry, and is one of the biggest hurdles sex toy shoppers face, especially first-time users who don’t know what to look for and what to avoid.

Unsafe materials, such as PVC and TPR, are usually found in toys that cost say, $40 or less – but there’s a surprising number of pricier toys that use these materials too. (For example, the phthalate-ridden jelly rabbit vibe that gave me a chemical burn inside my vagina when I was a teenager is still being made, and currently retails for $47.96. YIKES. They should have to pay you to use that thing, if just to cover your medical bills!)

Here’s a short version of my material safety shpiel: only buy toys that are made of 100% silicone, hard plastic, glass, metal, lucite/acrylic, sealed ceramic, or food-safe lacquered wood. (Some combination of these materials is okay too; for example, some toys have a 100% silicone shaft and a hard plastic handle.)

Some specialized types of toys are okay to buy in porous materials – for instance, many strokers, such as Fleshlights, are made of porous materials like TPR and TPE, but in that case it’s considered more acceptable because penises are less prone to the types of infections that vaginas can easily get from using porous toys. Phthalates are still a no-no for everybody, though. Unfortunately, sex toy companies aren’t always honest about what’s in their toys, which is why you should do the next thing on this list…

 

Read reviews from various different sources

There are many sex toy reviews in various places around the internet – including over 300 on this blog! – and it would behoove you to read several reviews of any toy you’re planning on purchasing, before you purchase it. I think it’s best to read a mix of sex toy bloggers’ reviews, reviews on mainstream sites like Self and Insider (both of which I’ve written for, FYI), and laypeople’s reviews on sites like Amazon. This’ll give you an overall picture of what people think of the toy.

For a vibrator, check to see whether reviews say it’s rumbly, powerful enough, and has variable speeds/settings (plus whatever other criteria you want to prioritize, like waterproofness or USB-rechargeability). For a non-vibrating toy, seek out reviewers’ thoughts on whether its shape and size are comfortable, how easy it is to use, and how well it hits whatever erogenous zone(s) you’re looking to target.

It’s especially useful if you can find, and follow the work of, sex toy critics whose tastes seem fairly close to your own. That way, you can more safely assume that their recommendations will work for you and your body. For example, if you and your favorite toy reviewer previously agreed on how great the Satisfyer Pro 2 felt, and the reviewer posts a glowing new review of the Lora DiCarlo Osé 2, it’s quite possible that you would like the Osé as well (or at least its clitoral portion).

 

Think about the “cost-per-use”

By far, clitoral vibrators are the type of toy I use most often, since I need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. So it makes sense that I’ve happily spent hundreds of dollars on great clitoral toys in the past: I use one nearly every time I masturbate or have sex. It’s easy to see how a $300 vibrator can be a good investment if you use it, say, 300 times in the first year that you own it. (In love with a vibrator?! Who, ME?!)

By contrast, something like the MotorBunny Buck Thrusting Sex Machine would be more of a “special occasion” toy for many people. That’s not to say you shouldn’t buy it, if you’ve got the funds – but it’s worth considering whether you’d rather spend that money on something you’d use regularly instead.

 

Touch it in-person

If you have the opportunity to see and touch a toy in real life, you can get a better idea of how well it’s constructed, how rumbly the vibrations are, how squishy the material is, etc., which is useful information when debating a purchase.

The most common way to do this is to visit a brick-and-mortar sex shop and check out their floor models, but if you happen to have a friend or partner who owns the sex toy you want, you could also ask them if you could come over to take a look and give it a squeeze. (Obviously it would be nice if they washed it first…)

 

Look for sales, deals, ‘n’ bundles

I really lucked out when I bought my Njoy Eleven. As of 2022, it retails for $360 in Canada – but when I bought it in 2015, it was selling for $200 and the retailer was having a “20% off everything” sale, so I ended up only paying $181 including tax. Not sure I’ll ever feel a rush quite like that again…

In addition to the periodic sales that many retailers run, you could also look for toy bundles, like the We-Vibe Date Night special edition kit, which contains my beloved We-Vibe Nova 2 along with one of We-Vibe’s super-rumbly vibrating cock rings. To buy these toys separately at full price would cost $288, whereas the bundle is only $217 right now. Wow!

If you see a toy bundle that contains some stuff you want and some stuff you don’t, you could ask a friend or partner if they want to chip in, in exchange for the toy(s) you’re not interested in. Teamwork makes the dream work!

 

Thanks to the folks at LuxuryVibrators.ca for sponsoring this post! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

I Miss Going to Sex Shops

Kate Sloan
A selfie taken with Taylor J Mace at one of our local sex shops.

It’s a scary time for almost every type of business, but I’m especially worried about sex shops.

Right now, adult shops in Sydney and New York and Toronto and other metropolises with thriving sex-positive communities are faced with difficult daily questions, like: Should we stay open, offer only curbside pickup and delivery, or shut down completely? Are our sanitization procedures sufficient for the global health crisis we’re facing? Are we supporting our employees as best we can? Is all of this struggling even worth it?

I think it is, and I think most sex shop owners probably think that too. Many of the best sex shops in Melbourne, Los Angeles, Portland, etc. were founded by people who are passionate about sex toys, sure, but also about sex education. Sex shops function as hubs for community learning on topics like pleasure, anatomy, and even consent. I did more direct sex education work in my few months working at sex shops than I’ve done in entire years elsewhere in the sexuality field. I saw people’s eyes light up when they happened upon a new-to-them erotic possibility. I saw people’s excitement radiate off them as they sauntered out of the shop with a fresh sexy treat in a brown paper bag. I saw that this work transforms sex lives and also sometimes saves lives.

I miss sex shops not just as an employee but as a customer. I miss strolling into my local women-owned erotic boutique and being offered a cup of tea to sip as I shop – it reminds me of the very first time I went into that very sex store, when I was 16, and they sold me my first vibrator, no questions asked. I miss trying on lingerie in a fitting room while an attentive salesperson swans around outside, available for insight and advice as needed. I miss picking up a dildo I’ve had my eye on and getting an embodied sense of its size and weight that product pictures online just couldn’t convey. I miss smart salespeople offering tips and tricks for the vibrator I’m buying, life hacks I could take home to a partner for some revelatory fucking. Every sex shop is a treasure, and so are many of their employees.

What can you do to support your favorite adult stores in Sydney or Vancouver or Paris or wherever you live right now? You can order products from them online if they offer that – or if not, try calling them to see if they can arrange a curbside pickup or any other appropriately safe hand-off method. You can buy tickets for online classes or workshops they might be offering. You can refer friends to them, should you happen to know anyone who’s just run out of lube in quarantine or wants to use their lockdown period to try out a neat new sex toy. Hell, you can even buy a gift card to use once restrictions have eased up.

This pandemic is perilous for so many institutions, from New York’s healthcare system to Montreal’s restaurant business to, yes, Brisbane’s adult shops. I deeply hope these de facto sexual community centers can pull through, if just so that more people can discover and take charge of their sexualities, the way I started to when my first sex shop sold me my very first vibrator all those years ago.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own. For more info on this topic, read my friend Epiphora’s post!

5 Reasons to Buy Sex Toys in Person at a Sex Shop

Kate Sloan

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, you might have a sex toy purchase in mind, whether you’re hoping to wow your partner or just have a nice night getting sexy solo at home. While it may be tempting to hop onto an online retailer’s site (like those of my lovely affiliates and advertisers whose banners you see in the sidebar!), overall I think the physical sex shops in your area are a better bet – and in many ways, more pleasant and fun!

If you’re not sure where to go, don’t fret – lots of websites publish sex shops listings in your city, like my friend JoEllen’s Superhero Sex Shops series. Here are 5 reasons I would counsel you to go to a physical store rather than shopping online…

 

1. The salespeople are knowledgeable. I mean, if the store is worth its salt, anyway. A good sex toy salesperson will be able to recommend toys within your budget that meet your needs. They often also know useful info about material safety, lube compatibility, and product warranties. And if you come across a toy that makes you go “???” it’ll definitely be much easier to get an explanation out of a real live person than it would be to parse the sometimes-vague sales copy accompanying that same toy on a website somewhere. A helpful sex toy pro can be a godsend!

 

2. You get a better sense for the toys. Even when a toy’s measurements are listed online, it can often be hard to really understand just how big it is until you’ve seen it and held it in person. The internet also doesn’t allow you to feel how strong or rumbly a toy’s vibrations are, how firm or squishy its material is, how solidly or shoddily it’s constructed, how ergonomic it is to hold, and many other factors that could tangibly contribute to how well a toy will work for you and your body. Touching and looking at a toy you’re considering buying “in the flesh” can be a game-changer!

 

3. It’s faster. This close to Valentine’s Day, who has time to wait around for an unreliable postal service to get your toys to you?! When I worked in sex toy retail, I noticed that a lot of customers came in because they needed something immediately, whether it be a box of condoms, a bottle of lube, an enema to prep for an impromptu anal sex session, or (in one memorably gorgeous sex worker’s case) a cheap vibrator to use with a client. When you’re in a pinch, sex shops can help you out – and even driving to a shop in the next town over is likelier to be faster than ordering from any website.

 

4. It helps keep shops open. For the same reasons I’d encourage you to shop at local bookstores rather than loading up your cart on Amazon (which is demonstrably evil), I also think you should give your money to local brick-and-mortar sex toy stores when you can. They are an invaluable community resource, especially in a world which demonizes and suppresses factual sex education. Even if you don’t personally care whether these shops stay open or not, think of the 16-year-old girl who wants to buy her first vibrator behind her parents’ back so she can enjoy sex with her boyfriend more, or the 14-year-old trans kid looking for his first binder or packer, or the 72-year-old woman who doesn’t know what a modem is but wants to finally learn about her clitoris. Physical sex shops can be life-changing for these kinds of people and so many more.

 

5. It’s fun! Seriously, if you’ve never taken a partner to a sex shop, you are missing out. It can be flirtation and negotiation rolled into one, as you stroll the aisles and ask each other, “Would you ever use this?” or “What do you think of this?” Even if you go solo, shopping in person is very different from doing it online, because you’re more likely to stumble upon things you might have never otherwise considered but that pique your interest nonetheless. Introduce a little serendipity and spontaneity into your day – and your sex life – by strolling into a sex shop and seeing what’s on offer!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Things I Learned From Working in Sex Toy Retail

Kate Sloan
One time I worked on Halloween…

Though it’s been a year and a half since the last time I set foot behind a sex-shop sales counter, I still remember my sex toy retail days as some of my fondest. It was a job quite unlike any other in my employment history, and I say that as someone who had already been working in sex media for years at that point. Nowhere else do you get so up-close-and-personal with everyday people – not just the clued-in, sex-positive crowd – trying to expand their sexual horizons. It may be just another shitty retail job, but it’s also a magical and unparalleled experience!

Here are five big things I learned in my stints as a sex toy saleslady…

1. People are – still – really nervous and insecure about sex. People who sell sex toys wholesale or online get to see some of this, perhaps in the forms of email, Instagram DMs, and the like – but it’s working in a physical shop that really exposes you to customers’ fears and neuroses. I watched middle-aged moms pace the vibrator aisle biting their nails; I helped men pick out toys meant to compensate for the boners they feared they’d never get back; I showed giggling teenagers how to operate their first-ever vibes. It was always my mission to try to impart a sense of casual confidence around sex via my speech and behavior – which sometimes involved putting on a poker face – because what else is a sex shop employee really for?

2. There are soooo many weird sex toys out there. And I am using the word “weird” in the most affectionate way, I promise. The shops I worked at bought through sex toy wholesale suppliers, and sometimes just loaded up their orders with whatever looked interesting or sellable – which sometimes meant our sales floor would be stocked with giant fist dildos, glow-in-the-dark enemas, and vibrators that doubled as jewelry. You see a lot of strange shit as a sex toy reviewer, but I saw even more strange shit at sex shops, and it delighted me.

3. I like work that’s variable and challenging. Previous office jobs (not to mention, monogamous relationships…) had taught me that monotony saps the life force from my soul. Work that engages you is a privilege, and I’m so grateful I’ve been able to find it in so many forms. Working at a sex shop may get boring on occasion – for example, when you’re putting price tags on dozens of lingerie sets, or mopping the lube aisle after yet another spill – but the one-on-one interactions with customers were totally unpredictable from day to day. I could talk to a brassy grandmother buying her 8th Magic Wand, a meek teenager coming in for a harness and dildo, and a fast-talking sex worker picking up some lube before her next rendezvous, all in the same day. Amazing!

4. Even sex toys can get boring after a while. Look, I said the people were interesting; not all the toys were! I bet people who work in the lube production, wholesale sex toys, and sex toy marketing world also find this to be true: after a while, almost nothing can shock you anymore. Customers giggled daily at the giant arm-length dildos we carried, or the horse-tail butt plugs, but I was so blasé that I was just like, “Yeah? And?” This is why it’s funny to me when people worry that they’re going to freak out a sex shop employee with their “out-there” request… If they’ve been working there for a while, they’ve probably seen it all.

5. A little empathy goes a long way. I don’t mean this in a super-salesy way – “establish commonality with the customer so they’ll be likelier to drop some cash!” – but an empathetic approach to sex toy sales really does help. People want to feel listened to, understood, and normalized – and as a sex shop employee, I think you encounter more opportunities to do this type of emotional service than almost any other kind of retail worker. I never took that responsibility lightly.

Have you ever worked at a sex shop? What did the experience teach you?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Take Your Sweetheart to a Sex Shop

Kate Sloan

Sex shops feel drastically different depending on whether you’re there alone, with a friend, or with someone you like to bang. Some sex-shop trips are meandering, some are matter-of-fact, and some are mushy as hell. If you want to learn something new about a person in your life, whether they’re just a friend or something more, try taking them to a sex shop (with their consent, of course) – you will see a new side of them, I guarantee it.

Taking romantic partners to sex shops is a unique experience, truly. And it doesn’t have to be as simple as “show up, pick something out together, take it home, and try it out.” There are lots of ways to jazz up this relationship milestone! Here are five suggestions…

Pick out a surprise for each other. I helped a couple do this when I was working in sex toy retail and it was such an adorable joy. They each separately crept around the shop, surreptitiously sleuthing out a secret token of love for the other. Agree on a budget beforehand if you like, try not to peek at what your partner’s picking out, and keep your treats concealed from each other until you arrive home and swap ’em. It’s like Secret Santa, except more specific, special, and sexy!

Attend a workshop. Some sex shops host classes that’ll teach you new sexual skills. I’ve attended local lessons on handjobs, blowjobs, butt stuff, squirting, fisting, and much more. Some classes are specifically designed for couples; some aren’t but offer discounted pricing for pairs. If workshops like this exist in your area, you and your sweetheart should flip through the calendar together and choose a session that excites you both. Go, take notes, ask questions, exchange knowing glances at relevant moments, be cute little astute pupils together, and then go home and try out what you learned.

Make it a date. When my friend Bex was working in sex toy retail, they often recommended that customers buy their partners a gift card rather than a toy, because it’s hard to shop for someone else in this area, even if you think you know their tastes fairly intimately. Throw in another gift card to your partner’s favorite restaurant, and maybe a small indulgence like a massage candle or a good-quality flavored lube, and you’ve got a fun date night on your hands. You and your darlin’ can dress up fancy, go for dinner, drop by the sex shop to pick up a pleasurable new treat, and then go home and debut your new treasure. Fun!

Try on lingerie. When visiting a shop that sells sexy apparel, there are few joys more satisfying than modeling something strappy or revealing for your paramour (or being the audience for such a spectacle). It’s so so sweet to see someone’s eyes light up when you step out of the fitting room looking devilishly divine. And then you can buy whichever ensemble revs your honey’s engine the most, and take it home to try it on again in a more private setting.

“If we had [x], I would [y]…” You don’t actually need to spend money at a sex shop to get an erotic charge out of visiting one. Take a look around a shop with your babe, mentally select a few items you’d love to use on/with them, and then whisper those filthy fantasies in their ear later when the two of you are home and canoodlin’. Injecting freshness into sexual relationships is always a good idea, and there are so many ways to do it!

Have you ever taken a partner to a sex shop? How did it go?

 

This post was sponsored, and as always, all writing and opinions are my own.