sexual health

7 Reasons Masturbation is the Safest Kind of Sex

Kate Sloan

I’m sure some of you read the headline of this post and thought, “Yeah, Kate, I was trapped inside alone for most of 2020 – I know all about the benefits of masturbation, thanks!!”

I hear you. And I’m grateful for any sacrifices you may have made in service of public health, even if sometimes those sacrifices came in the form of, say, staying home with your rabbit vibrator in lieu of hopping on Tinder to get inadvisably railed by an unvetted, unvaccinated stranger.

While 2020 had a lot of downsides (obviously), I think one minor silver lining is that so many people spent so much more time masturbating than they ordinarily would. It’s a great way to get to know oneself better sexually, and to focus on one’s own priorities, desires, and pleasure, in a world that sometimes makes that difficult. It’s also, as previously discussed, almost always the safer option than partnered sex – and not just during a global pandemic! Here are 7 reasons masturbation may just be the safest sex you’ll ever have…

 

1. You can’t contract or transmit an STI

Sexually transmitted infections are part and parcel of human sexuality. In a world where you can stock up on condoms at any drugstore and buy PrEP online, we’ve got a better handle on STIs than we did decades or centuries ago, but acquiring or transmitting an STI is still a risk of partnered sex nonetheless.

With STI stigma being gradually reduced by the hard work of sexual health activists, and effective medical treatments now available for most STIs, it’s true that many of us (especially those of us with financial privilege and no preexisting conditions) wouldn’t suffer nearly as many consequences from getting an STI nowadays as we would’ve in ages gone by. But it’s still nice to know that when you jerk off (provided your hands and toys are clean!), you likely won’t be jeopardizing your own health.

 

2. You can’t get pregnant

I’ve definitely been through periods of life when I was oddly paranoid about getting pregnant, sometimes to the point of avoiding penetrative sex despite being on birth control and using condoms… An unexpected baby is a very scary thought, particularly when you know you’re physically and/or financially not up to the task of child-rearing quite yet (or at all)!

The good news is, masturbation can’t get you pregnant (again, provided that your hands and toys are clean, i.e. that they don’t have someone’s recent semen on them!), so you can go to town on yourself without fearing future babies.

 

3. There are no consent issues to worry about

Although I’m sure there are exceptions to this rule (probably having to do with trauma triggers), generally you’re not going to run into consent-related snafus when fucking yourself. After all, you know on a moment-to-moment basis what you’re okay with and what you’re not – or if you don’t actually know those preferences, masturbation is an ideal way to figure them out.

As someone who likes to involve intoxicants (e.g. weed, alcohol) in sexual scenarios, I also appreciate that drunk/high masturbation is overall much safer than drunk/high partnered sex. I’m not going to push my own boundaries or take advantage of myself, even when pleasantly buzzed.

Some people think it’s a consent issue to masturbate while thinking about someone who hasn’t consented to be thought about in that way. I disagree, because I don’t believe in policing people’s thoughts – but keep in mind that it can be a violation to share those thoughts with the person in question, so I wouldn’t recommend doing that unless your relationship with that person is such that it would be acceptable.

 

4. No travel is required

Sounds silly, maybe, but I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 3+ years – just think how many bus accidents and plane crashes I’ve risked to get laid! The odds are low, of course, but on a bad anxiety day, I’d much rather skip any potential risks and just stay safely tucked into my bed, with an armful of sex toys.

Naturally, this also means masturbation can be more accessible and safer than partnered sex for people whose travel is limited by disability, financial status, pandemics (of course!) and other factors.

 

5. You can accommodate your own physical needs

This unfortunately isn’t true for everyone – there are, for example, disabled folks who are unable to masturbate and who may hire sex workers or sex surrogates to address this – but for many people, masturbation may allow for more of their access needs to be met than partnered sex. You can use your comfy ergonomic pillow or convenient suction cup dildo or relaxing heating pad without any fear of judgment.

For example, when I’m alone on a bad pain day, I can wrap a heating pad around my sore knee without worrying if someone else thinks it’s unsexy or unwieldy, keep my body still in particular positions so as not to overexert myself, and adjust the room to a temperature that I (and only I!) find agreeable. While I’m lucky enough to have a partner who’s always eager to make adjustments according to what I need, I know not everyone is that fortunate, and so sometimes masturbation can be a blessing.

 

6. You can accommodate your own mental/emotional needs

I can’t even count the number of times a random hookup teased me about something they didn’t know was a sore spot, made a body-shaming comment that stung more than I let on, or called me a triggering name during a kink scene.

Some of these incidents weren’t intentionally hurtful – they may not have known better, and I may not have known enough about my own brain and trauma history to be able to fill them in – but nonetheless, sometimes masturbation feels like a safer choice when you’re in a fragile frame of mind or going through a difficult time. If you trigger or upset yourself somehow, at least you can deal with it without also having to manage someone else’s reaction at the same time.

 

7. You won’t break your own heart

Sad but true: many times in my life, I’ve had sex with someone I loved (or just really, really liked) who I knew didn’t feel the same about me. It could almost be a form of emotional self-harm at times, returning over and over again for empty sexual experiences with people I wished would date me, but who only thought of me as their fuckbuddy.

While it would’ve been almost impossible to talk me into it at the time, I wish I’d spent some of those nights at home by myself instead. Probably I’d’ve had more orgasms and cried fewer tears. But hey, you live and you learn. Now I know that calling masturbation “self-love” isn’t just a cheesy euphemism – it’s also a true description of the healthy, healing pleasure you can give yourself whenever you need it.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Interview: Tynan Rhea on Sexy Scents, Self-Love, and Post-Baby Body Pride

Kate Sloan

tynanrhea_gmail-com_1456327298_64

My friend Tynan Rhea is one of the funniest people I know. Her stories at Tell Me Something Good are always crowd favorites, and I could happily listen to her talk about damn near anything for hours. She’s just that kind of person.

But being funny and engaging isn’t Tynan’s only skill. She’s also a trained doula, aromatherapist, and sex educator. I sat down with Tynan in a noisy Toronto coffee shop to talk about the science of aromatherapy, the oil blend she made for me (which is my #1 favorite scent, far beyond any perfume I’ve bought at Sephora), and the super rad self-love workshop she’s teaching this month for folks who’ve recently given birth.

Kate Sloan: So, you made me an aromatherapy blend, and I’m wearing it today, actually. Do you want to tell the story of that blend? ‘Cause it’s a cool story!
Tynan Rhea: It’s a great story! Okay, so, you’ll have to fill in the parts that are about you and your day, but basically what happened was: I had a dream. And in the dream, you and I were discussing a blend that I was gonna make for you.
KS: And we were at a sex club.
TR: Oh, really? I forgot that part! Okay, that makes sense. So, we were at a sex club, and I was discussing this blend. And I remember, in the dream, feeling this sense of urgency, like, “Oh my god, Kate needs this blend.” I knew that it had to have pink grapefruit in it, and I knew that the middle note had to be lemongrass, and then, for the base note, first, I thought, “For sure, jasmine,” and then I thought, “Oh, wait, no. This may be a rose moment.” And I was like – weird! She might hate rose. Why would I do that? And so then, when I woke up, I immediately texted you, like, “I just had this wild dream that I was making this blend for you, and this is what it would have in it… Do you think you’d like that?” And you were like, “Oh, yeah, I could really use that, because…”
KS: It was actually, the guy I was seeing at the time, I had just found out that he was a chronic abuser. So I was going through some feelings of guilt and self-hatred around, like, “Why didn’t I know this? Why did I put up with him for so long and believe him over these other women?”
TR: Oh, that’s so much more fascinating now, in terms of the blend, because we did end up going with rose, and rose is about self-compassion and healing the heart. So it’s good for if you’ve lost somebody to death or illness, or if you’ve broken up with someone, and it also helps us focus on self-love. It helps us go, “I am deserving, so I don’t need to feel this bad.”
KS: Yeah. I think I definitely really needed that, at that time. And still, it’s my favorite. I wear it all the time. I love it. It’s so good.
TR: Good! Well, the nice thing about rose, too, is it’s pretty intensely anti-stress. It does things to our brain that have been scientifically researched.
KS: Interesting. So I’m curious about – like, you knew me, in that case, so you maybe had some kind of subconscious or conscious sense of what I needed. But what is the process usually like, when you’re working with a client, to determine what they need in a custom blend?
TR: So normally, when we’re creating a blend, I go through the process that was taught to me by Tracey TieF, my teacher. She’s the owner and operator of Anarres Apothecary. So what we do is, we ask people what their top three complaints are. So they might be like, “I have backache, I have itchy dandruff, and I just broke up with my boyfriend.” And those seem wildly unrelated, right, but maybe they are related. And that’s kind of the idea with holistic medicine, is that we don’t live these disjointed lives; everything plays into everything. So your back might be aching because you’re tensing your shoulders up all the time because you’re anxious or upset or stressed, and that’s related to the break-up. And when you do that, maybe you scratch your head a bunch. I dunno. Dandruff is not that! But the point is: after you have your top three complaints, then you find a top, middle, and a base note, and each of those notes should address all three of those things. So, I think rose would be really fitting as a base note for that, because rose is an anti-inflammatory. Rose would address all of them, because rose, on the skin [diluted in a carrier oil like vegetable oil], is very healing and very soothing, especially for dry and irritated skin, so that would work well for the dandruff, it would help with the heartache, and it would work well as an anti-inflammatory for the backache. And the idea is that, if all three of the notes address all three issues, then that’s the medicine you need, because it’s hitting all of those points. The oils should mimic the profile of what’s ailing you.

Tynan's handmade products are available at Come As You Are and Anarres Apothecary.
Tynan’s handmade products are available at Come As You Are and Anarres Apothecary.

KS: Okay. That makes sense. So, can you tell me about some of your favorite oils specifically for purposes related to sex and sexual health?
TR: Yes! So, as my final project, I specialized in sexual health in aromatherapy. My favorite oils for sexual health depend on the sexual issue. My favorite base notes are rose, vanilla, and jasmine. I know we’ve talked a lot about rose, but rose has been shown to release dopamine in the brain, which is partly why it’s such a good anti-stress. And then jasmine has been traditionally used to speed up labor, to increase bonding and sensuality between lovers… It’s suspected by some aromatherapists and midwives that it releases oxytocin in the brain, although I haven’t found research to back that up, but its traditional uses suggest this. And then vanilla releases serotonin in the brain, which we know from research. So I think it’s this wonderful little commonality that they all have: they all work on your “yummy juices.” That’s such a dorky way to put it, but I think of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin as the “mmm juice,” ’cause those are the feel-good chemicals. And I think each of those has a different way of making you feel yummy.
KS: Right.
TR: And I should also mention that the oils I pick for sexual health tend to be the ones that play on our psychological and emotional stuff, because that’s sort of the realm of health that I like to work in. But there are lots of really good oils for physical illness of the body. Like, I have this great yeast infection blend that I made for the vulva. It’s coconut oil, tea tree oil, and lavender oil. You mix ’em all together in the right proportions, and it is so soothing and it instantly takes the itch away and it’s so good. So, I would call that an excellent sexual health oil.
KS: Yeah! That sounds good.
TR: Yeah! But so, my favorite middle note is marjoram, because traditionally, it’s been listed as addressing sex addiction. And I was like, “What?! That is so weird! That’s such a weird, specific thing.” But then you read into it a little more, and you look at the chemistry of marjoram oil, and it’s made of stuff that is both calming and stimulating. Which sounds really contradictory, but then if you look at traditional uses again, it’s used to help you focus. And it’s also used to help us open up and connect with other people so we don’t feel as alone and isolated. And feeling alone and isolated, I think, is a major piece in addiction, particularly sex addiction. So I think, not only does it invite us to connect with other people – which is huge – but it also focuses us. So when you put it in a sex blend or an aphrodisiac blend, a blend where you’re trying to “set the mood…” I don’t like the idea of aphrodisiac blends being like, “I’m gonna attract this person!” because that’s rude. Talk to them! But if you know you already like them and you know they like scents, and you wanna put a nice scent in the room, I love marjoram as the middle note because I feel like it takes the stuff from the base note – whether it’s relaxing, or conjuring up a sensual feeling, or trying to build a sexual appetite – it’s gonna take that energy and help you focus in on it.
KS: Cool!
TR: Yeah! So one of my favorite top notes for sexual health is pink grapefruit, because it’s supposed to help us be in our bodies, in a way that’s pleasurable and fun and feels good. Most of the food-related essential oils, like pink grapefruit and cinnamon, are going to, in some way, put us in our bodies. But there’s something that’s particularly playful about pink grapefruit. And that word, “playful,” reminds me of my other favorite top note for sex essential oil blends, which is tangerine. Because that one’s all about being playful and silly and cute and bringing us back to our inner child. In a sexual context, I don’t know how many people would feel comfortable saying, “I want to bring out my inner child!” but I think that’s so important. I think the inner child does know how to have good sex.
KS: Sex is grown-up playtime!
TR: Yeah, exactly! The cool thing about aromatherapy is that the molecules in the essential oils are so small that they can pass through the blood-brain barrier. So when you smell it, it actually goes directly to your brain and works on the brain, which is how it can release serotonin and all those things. I love aromatherapy because it’s an immediate medicine that you can pick up at any health food store. Smelling something, you can quickly pick up and do. It’s not a tool that is gonna cure everything, but generally, it’s a tool you can immediately use, and it kind of holds your hand while you work through your stuff. When I use an oil, it’s not like it can fix all the damage that’s been done, but it allows me some serenity and it works on the brain so that you have more space to work through those things and not be as triggered or as overwhelmed while you do that. It kind of works like food, in that pleasure-centre kind of way, because even though you’re not eating it, it is going into your body. And it’s also not gonna have the same side effects as, say, an antidepressant. Like, if I’m having a panic attack, I can go huff some clary sage, and it won’t have the lasting, shitty effects of a lorazepam. But I can get the same effect, or a similar-enough, or a different-but-just-as-useful.

partumbelly-edit-e1471889837204
KS: Cool! So, let’s shift gears a little bit. Can you tell me about the Body Pride workshop that you’re running?
TR: Yeah! So, as a sex educator and doula, and a friend of Caitlin K. Roberts, I’ve been to a few of her Body Pride workshops as a helper and as a participant. And after a few of those workshops, somebody suggested that there be a post-partum Body Pride. Women are so under attack for how their bodies “should” look, and the post-partum period – the period right after birth – is particularly hard, because I think there’s all sorts of pressures around getting back to your “pre-baby body.” You’re not gonna have the body you had before. You had a fucking baby! That’s amazing! Why would your body be the same after that? It shouldn’t be, because nothing’s the same after that. And that’s a good thing. Or it can be a good thing.
KS: Totally!
TR: So we thought it would be helpful to have a Body Pride just for people who’ve had that experience, because I think that transitioning from a young person into adulthood has its own unique set of struggles – and then you have to do it again, in a different way, with a slightly different set of obstacles, in post-partum.
KS: How much are you changing Caitlin’s basic Body Pride curriculum to be specifically for post-partum folks?
TR: Not a lot. We’re keeping it pretty on-point. I won’t be doing a photoshoot at the end, mostly because I don’t have the skills. We just felt that it wouldn’t be appropriate, and we don’t have somebody with that skillset. Not knowing what will come up for people, I wasn’t sure if that would be the best way to end it. I am gonna end it with a little dance party, to keep it light. The other thing is, I sat down and had a consult with a woman who was very interested in this post-partum Body Pride idea, and she really helped me to build in some checking-in kind of stuff. So there might be a little extra care around appreciating that not everybody coming to this event is going to feel great about their body. It’s not that you can’t celebrate your body in the space, but we all need to be mindful that not everybody is gonna be able to celebrate like you can, necessarily.
KS: True.
TR: The other thing that’s different is that people who are breastfeeding – from 0 to 6 months – can bring their baby, because that’s a really tough period to not be around your baby, if you’re breastfeeding.
KS: Do you have any other workshops coming up after that one?
TR: I do! I have a Pleasure After Kids workshop coming up at the LGBTQ Parenting Network. It’s gonna be at the 519. It’s on December 4th from 2 to 4 p.m., and I think it’s free. I’ll also be holding an Aromatherapy for Sexual Health event on November 22nd from 7 to 9:30 p.m. at Anarres Apothecary (749 Dovercourt Road, north of Dovercourt and Bloor). There will be treats!
KS: Awesome! Where can people find you online if they want to book you for services or just find out more about you?
TR: They can visit me at TynanRhea.com and SisterhoodWellness.com. [Ed. note: Tynan’s also on Instagram and Twitter.]
KS: Thanks, Tynan!

Quick Tips For Preventing and Treating UTIs

Kate Sloan

If you have a vulva, you’ve probably had a urinary tract infection in your life. Or perhaps a whole lot of them. I know I have.

Because they suck and I don’t want you to go through them, here’s a quick tip sheet for preventing and avoiding ‘em.

Super-obvious disclaimer: I am not a medical professional of any kind, so you should take my advice with a grain of salt and check with your doctor if you’re unsure about anything. These tips are intended only for prevention and possibly very early treatment; if you’ve had an infection for more than a day or so and it isn’t going away, GO TO THE DOCTOR! UTIs can easily spread to your kidneys, which is bad news. Go go go.

Also, these tips are mostly intended for folks who have a vulva and vagina. I’m sure that many of the same tips apply to people who have penises, but I am not one of those people so I haven’t tested these suggestions for that kind of body.

Prevention

1. Stay hydrated. The more frequently you pee, the harder it is for bacteria to get a foothold in your urinary tract. Simple as that.

2. When you have to pee, PEE. Don’t hold it in for ages, if you can help it. Go ASAP. (This sometimes means strategically ignoring prevention tip #1. If you know you’re going to be stuck in a bathroomless room for hours, it may be in your best interest to drink less water than you normally would, so you won’t have to hold it.)

3. Increase your cranberry intake. Cranberry juice (the unsweetened kind, not the sugary “cranberry juice cocktail” kind) has been proven to cut down on UTIs. If you can’t handle the bitter, tart flavor of the juice, you could also take cranberry pills.

4. Wipe from front to back only. Everyone with a vulva should already know this, but incase you didn’t… there you go. Fecal bacteria should never get anywhere near your urethra if you can help it.

5. Consume more alkaline foods. I can’t find 100% scientific confirmation of this, but some people swear that changing their diet to include more alkaline foods has helped their recurrent UTIs, since it changes the pH of your urine and therefore makes your urinary tract a more hostile environment for bacteria. Here’s a list of highly alkaline-forming foods and drinks.

6. Only insert clean things into your vagina. Keep your sex toys clean. Wash your hands before masturbating. Tell your lover(s) to keep their hands and nails clean. This is basic stuff but a lot of people forget about it.

7. Wear all- or mostly-cotton underwear, and not thongs. Cotton allows your vag to “breathe,” which helps with a whole host of potential vaginal and urinary issues. Thongs, on the other hand, can transport fecal bacteria from your butt to your vagina and/or urethra, so they’re best avoided if you have trouble with UTIs or other genital infections.

Treatment

1. Drink a fuckton of water. Grab your biggest glass or bottle. Fill it with water. Drink it all. Pee when you have to. Repeat at least until peeing is no longer painful. If you catch your infection early enough, you may be able to flush it out this way (indeed, this is the main way I deal with UTIs, and I only end up needing to get antibiotics for maybe 1 out of every 5 UTIs I contract because this method is so effective for me).

2. Take some D-Mannose. It’s a white powder that you stir into water and drink. I have heard that cranberries may contain traces of D-Mannose and that this may be the reason cranberries are deemed effective against UTIs, but, again, there’s a lot of scientific disagreement and confusion about most things sexual. All I know is that a spoonful of D-Mannose in a huge glass of water has stopped my UTIs in their tracks many a time.

3. GO TO THE DAMN DOCTOR. Seriously, please do. If drinking tons of water doesn’t make a dent in your UTI after the first day or so, you need to get your ass to a doc and get some medicine. It may be a drag, but trust me, when the infection spreads to your kidneys and you’re sitting in the emergency room in a terrific amount of pain, you will wish you had gone to the doctor earlier. (And remember: whenever you take antibiotics, you should also take probiotics – either in pill form or through foods/drinks like yogurt or kombucha – to avoid getting a yeast infection from the medication.)

What’s your go-to preventative measure or home treatment for UTIs?

New Year’s Resolutions for Sex-Positive Do-Gooders

Kate Sloan

December is one of my favorite months, because I love obsessively plotting how I’m going to change when the new year rolls around. Even if the changes don’t stick, that weeks-long period of planning is delicious. But, of course, it’s better if the changes do stick!

I’m going to do another post all about my personal sexual goals for 2015 when it gets a little closer to the new year, but for now, here are some new year’s resolutions you might want to think about adopting for yourself. At the very least, you can use them as a starting point for brainstorming your own big changes and exciting plans!

Volunteer your time at a pro-sex cause.

I have some friends who volunteer at Planned Parenthood’s TEACH program, and some other friends who do work for their local campus sex education centres. I know someone who helps abortion clinic visitors get from the street into the clinic without being accosted by protesters. As for me, I’ve spent years helping out at an emotional support hotline for LGBT youth and an online community for gender-non-conforming folks. These are just a few of the ways you can contribute to your local sex-positive scene.

Volunteering is a really rewarding way to spend your time. It might be something for you to consider if you’ve been feeling a little purposeless or directionless lately, or even if you just want to make some new friends and fill out your days (or pad your resumé!) a little more.

Take up a positive practice for your body.

I don’t just mean “have more athletic sex.” Although, you could always do that too.

In this mind-centered, desk-oriented culture, too many of us ignore our bodies and get all up in our heads. This can result in a feeling of disembodiment, and often, a lot of aches and pains. (I myself have been dealing with a stubborn shoulder-and-neck situation for weeks from overcommitting to desk work. Yuck.)

Here are some habits you could take up in 2015 that would be really good for your body: yoga, swimming, pilates, jogging, long meditative walks, dance classes, cardio classes, strength training, hula hooping, getting regular massages, starting every morning with a few minutes of stretching… Pick something which feels manageable for your body, lifestyle, and finances, and which makes your heart leap in your chest at the thought of it!

Invest in your sexual health.

Throw out all your nylon underwear and buy all-cotton pairs. Get a menstrual cup if you’ve been wanting one. Upgrade your birth control to a longer-term and/or less annoying form. Ditch and replace any toxic or porous toys you own. Go get those STI tests you’ve been putting off.

Make your frequent sex location(s) more inviting.

It is amazing what new bedding and a few scented candles can accomplish!

Think: what bums you out about the place(s) where you most often have sex, and how could you solve those problems? Mood lighting, better heating, air freshener, wall art? Curtains, carpeting, a neater organization system? Groovier music? Make it happen!

Go deeper into your gender.

Weird phrasing, maybe, but here’s what I mean: whatever gender(s) you identify as, you probably feel hotter/cuter/better when you go balls-to-the-wall with your gender presentation.

Think about what visual or tactile elements could increase the pleasure you take in your gender presentation, and try to incorporate them more often. I’m femme as fuck so for me this would mean things like wearing lipstick more regularly, buying warmer tights so I can wear skirts and dresses more often, and stepping up my skincare and haircare so I feel prettier on a day-to-day basis. How could you enhance, and luxuriate in, your gender as much as possible next year?

Be a sex-positive friend.

I’m going to write a full post about this eventually, because I think it’s really important to support your friends non-judgmentally in their (safe, consensual) sexual endeavors.

If you’ve got a friend who’s never been to a sex shop, maybe you could take them. If your buddy gets nervous about going to get tested, you could accompany them to the clinic. If your amigo expresses interest in an unusual fetish or sexual practice, you could help them do their research while affirming and encouraging their explorations. Be like a sexy fairy godmother to all your nearest and dearest!

What do you hope to do differently in 2015?

Girly Juice’s Guide to Bacterial Vaginosis

Kate Sloan

UGHHH! I hate having BV. I really, really do. I was chatting to my boyfriend about it and started to say, “It is truly one of the worst things that can happen to a vagina,” but then I started thinking about the things that humans do to vaginas (which I can’t go into without a trigger warning) and realized that the things our own bodies do to our vaginas are perhaps not that bad after all.

However. To borrow a gross turn of phrase, bacterial vaginosis sucks donkey balls. And I recently cured myself of it (for the time being?!) with at-home remedies rather than seeing my doctor for antibiotics, so I thought I’d write up a little guide for you lovely people about how you can do that too.

Disclaimer: I am not, in any way, a medical professional. All the advice in this post was gathered from online sources and my own experiments. Use this information at your own risk!

First of all… What the hell is BV?

It’s essentially the result of a bacterial imbalance in the vagina. The good bacteria, which naturally produce hydrogen peroxide to keep the vaginal environment healthfully acidic, lose some kind of battle (see below for ways that this may happen) and then the bad bacteria overpower your poor innocent vagina, wreaking havoc and making your pussy miserable.

You may have BV if…

• You’re experiencing typical symptoms of a urinary tract infection (a burning sensation when you pee, and the persistent feeling of needing to pee) but typical UTI cures aren’t helping.

• Your vaginal discharge smells different – fishy and strong, but not bread-like (that would be a yeast infection, which I can’t advise you on because I’ve never had one).

• It hurts a lot more than usual to be vaginally penetrated. This is often a burning pain.

• Your vagina feels generally sore and unhappy.

What causes BV? Well, anything that causes a bacterial imbalance in the vagina. This may include…

• Wearing underwear, pants, or other lower-body clothing that is too tight and restrictive. Prevent this by wearing looser-fitting clothes on your bottom half, and switching to 100% cotton underwear.

• Getting fecal bacteria in the vagina. Yecch. Always wipe from front to back, don’t wear thongs, and don’t let anything touch your vagina/vulva that’s recently been near an ass.

• Washing your vagina with soap. Some people can handle mild soaps; others can’t handle any at all. Please remember that the vagina is self-cleaning so all you need to do is rinse it with water and a washcloth.

• Leaving an object in your vagina for too long. This could be a menstrual cup, a set of kegel balls, or anything else that gets held in your vag for more than a few hours at a time. You need to take that shit out and wash it every few hours or bacteria will accumulate on it and fuck up your natural chemistry.

• Putting a dirty object or substance inside your vagina. This should be an obvious one. Keep your sex toys clean, don’t use shitty porous sex toys, don’t have sex with anyone who looks like they were recently rolling around in a pigsty, don’t use saliva as lube, and wash your hands before you do any fingerfucking.

• Plain bad luck. Some people are chronic BV sufferers for mysterious reasons. The above precautions may help, as can changing your diet and overall lifestyle, but there are some unknown factors at play for some people.

How do you cure it?

From what I’ve been reading online, it looks like there are 3 basic steps to fixing your vagina when it’s been hit with BV.

1. Kill off the bad bacteria.

2. Re-acidify the vagina.

3. Re-populate with good bacteria.

You will need…

• Hydrogen peroxide. I used a 3% concentration and that worked fine, though if your vagina is very sore and sensitive, you may want to dilute it with water.

• A syringe (the kind used for administering liquid medication to children) or another tool for getting liquid into your vagina, such as an empty/clean douche or even a turkey baster (again, please make sure it’s CLEAN).

• Acidophilus capsules. These should contain at least 10 million active colony-forming cultures of acidophilus, ideally more (I used one that contains 0.4 billion). It can be hard to find capsules that contain just acidophilus; it’s okay if these have other kinds of probiotics in them, as long as they don’t contain any weird additives like sugar, dye, or cranberry extract.

• Apple cider vinegar. (By my estimation, this is optional, though you can spring for it if you want to be really thorough.)

Here’s how to do it:

1. Douche with hydrogen peroxide. This kills off the bad bacteria and helps to balance the vagina’s pH. Use the syringe to insert about two tablespoons. Lie on your back and leave it in for about 3 minutes. It may sting a bit. If this is truly painful, dilute the hydrogen peroxide next time.

2. Then, douche with apple cider vinegar. This re-acidifies the vagina. I’m not convinced that this step is necessary, as I feel that the hydrogen peroxide does some re-acidifying as well – plus, vinegar burns like a bitch. If you decide to do this, I strongly recommend that you dilute the vinegar at least 2:1, or even just pour some into your bathwater instead.

3. Before bed, insert an acidophilus capsule. Cut it open or make some holes in it, so that the powder inside can get out. Shove it up as far as you can, so it’ll stay in all night. If it doesn’t come out on its own the next day, you should remove it yourself (I’ve been using my Fun Wand!).

4. Repeat every day until your symptoms are gone. This isn’t like a prescription medication; you shouldn’t continue to do it “just for good measure” if your symptoms are already gone, or you risk over-acidifying your vag, which can lead to its own host of problems. Try to leave at least a couple of hours between the douches and the capsule, so you won’t overload your poor vag.

This worked for me and apparently it’s been successful for others. What home remedies do you use for vaginal issues?