silicone dildo

Review: Happy Valley Fuze Harmony

Kate Sloan

The Harmony, sent to me by the lovely folks at SheVibe, is from Happy Valley’s new-ish Fuze line. You may remember that I gave away some Fuze butt plugs a few months ago; well, this is my first time trying a toy from this range, and I… well, I feel pretty ambivalent about it.

The Fuze toys all come in black 100% silicone. It’s a very dark, glossy, sexy black, but it shows every single piece of lint it collects (many). The silicone is firmer than Tantus’ blend but squishier than Lelo’s blend. It’s this firmness that led to me having a hellish experience with another Happy Valley product, the Joe Rock butt plug – but vaginally, it works better. I’ve learned that my G-spot responds more favorably to harder toys.

Speaking of my G-spot… The Harmony is supposed to target it, and sadly, it doesn’t really. The shaft’s curve is so minimal that it brushes right past my G-spot without taking the time to stimulate it. The very slight ripples on the top side of the dildo feel nice going in and out of my vag, but this is certainly no Acute or Tsunami – it does little or nothing to my G-spot.

Both the Harmony and its thicker counterpart the Wilde have a unique feature I’ve never seen anywhere else: a harness-friendly base that has ridges on the bottom. It’s meant to stimulate the clit of the person wearing the dildo in their harness, and I applaud Happy Valley for being innovative and taking risks in this arena. Do the ridges do anything for me when I rub them on my vulva? Not really. Not much more than a regular flat base does, even with lube. But I’m not an experienced harness user at all. I know plenty of people who would probably appreciate this feature a lot. (And it helps that there’s a hole for a bullet vibe at the base.)

With an insertable length of about 5 ½” and a girth of 1 ¼”, the Harmony is a good size for a warm-up dildo. And that’s primarily what I use it for: warm-up. It satisfies my vag easily for the first few minutes of jerking off, while my G-spot is starting up and I’m easing into penetration – but as soon as I start to get really aroused, I need something better. Try as I might, I can’t have blended orgasms with the Harmony, because what it does to my vagina is more like “passing through” than “rubbing and stroking.” It makes me wonder if I might prefer the Wilde after all, even though it’s larger than the toys I usually use, because the girth would please my love-starved G-spot better. Who knows?

I can recommend the Harmony to someone who wants a smallish dildo, ideally for harness use. I have a feeling I’d like it a lot more if it were strapped onto someone I love, but on its own, it just doesn’t satisfy.

Thanks very much, SheVibe!

Review: Tantus Mark O2

Kate Sloan

When the Tantus Mark O2 showed up at my house and I took it out of its packaging, I was creeped out. Holding it in my hands, I couldn’t escape the feeling that I was holding my boyfriend’s disembodied cock. Because seriously, the Mark’s dimensions are almost identical to those of my favorite human dick. And that, actually, is why I requested this toy.

See, I have a small-to-average-sized vagina, and Mark is an average-sized dildo. Not “average” in dildo-land, you understand, but in the realm of actual, real-life cocks. With an insertable length of 5 ½" and a diameter of 1 3/8", this dildo is an homage to the Average Joes of the world, and for that, I have to applaud Tantus.

Mark is from Tantus’s O2 line, which means it’s made of dual-density silicone – firm on the inside, squishy on the outside. It’s tons o’ fun to squeeze and fondle, just like a real cock. I have two other O2 dildos, Adam and Flurry, and they’re all excellent quality. If you want a body-safe toy that actually feels somewhat real, it’s hard to go past O2 (though, to be fair, I haven’t had the chance to try VixSkin yet).

Mark’s head isn’t very pronounced, but there is a realistic coronal ridge running around the bottom edge of it. The veins on the shaft are more noticeable aesthetically than tactilely – I can barely feel them in use.

This isn’t a G-spotting dildo. If you want G-spot lovin’ in an O2 toy, I suggest you pick up the Adam because it does a much better job of that. Mark is more about creating a sensation of fullness (for those of us who can actually be filled up by a 5 ½" x 1 3/8" dick, anyhow) than it is about hitting magic spots. I can get it to reach my A-spot when I thrust deeply with my knees bent, just like my boyfriend’s actual dick does, and that’s nice but not anything to write home about.

This dildo surprised me and earned a spot in my top drawer, because it feels great and I can have blended orgasms with it easily… but I don’t know if that means other people will like it. I feel I have a particular affinity for it, because of how much it reminds me of my love, and that’s obviously not a good criterion if I’m going to recommend this toy to anyone else. You might like Mark if you have a smaller vagina that likes smaller toys, or if you’re a trans* guy, boi, and/or harness-user in search of a truly average member. But if you crave something bigger, or you need G-spot attention, look elsewhere – Mark ain’t your boy.

Review: Tantus Acute

Kate Sloan

The Tantus Acute is my ninth Tantus toy. You think I’d be used to the company’s excellence by now. You’d think some of the charm would have worn off. But nope – my love for their toys has persevered. (Hence the zillions of Tantus reviews that have been popping up on my blog lately, and will continue to do so for a little longer!)

I saved up reward points to buy my Acute, because I’m worried it might be discontinued. It’s currently hanging out in the closeout section on Tantus’ website, often a sign of impending discontinuation. I haven’t heard anything to confirm this, but I was concerned, so I snapped one up, and I’m glad I did.

The Acute is the smallest silicone dildo I own. It has an insertable length of 5" and a diameter of 1 ¼" at its widest point. These measurements might make you think that this is a toy for beginners, and true, it would work just fine for someone with little penetration experience under their belt. But the beauty of the Acute is that it’s not just for beginners. Unless your vagina flat-out needs to be filled up in order to be satisfied, you might find the Acute surprisingly pleasing. I certainly did.

As its name suggests, the Acute boasts an acute angle. Because it’s top-heavy and leans heavily to one side, it can’t stand up by itself. I’ve been propping it up against a lube bottle and affectionately calling it “little baby,” like a child who hasn’t learned to walk yet.

But what that angle lacks in balance, it more than makes up for in G-spotting ability. The Acute is a G-spot dildo, through and through. Its pronounced head finds my spot effortlessly and rubs it with every thrust, creating that need-to-pee sensation almost immediately, while the gentle ripples along its underside massage my vaginal wall and opening. This is a dildo that knows what it wants to do, and does it very well.

Sometimes, the Acute doesn’t feel completely fulfilling, as you’d expect from a toy of its size. When that happens, I just switch to a bigger one. It makes for a great warm-up dildo. Many people love it for anal, too, since the same curve that enables it to reach the female G-spot also brings it into direct contact with the male prostate. And of course, it’s harness-compatible, so peg away, ladies.

The Tantus Acute isn’t a glamorous dildo, it doesn’t rock my world, it hasn’t changed my life. But it’s a reliable G-spotting toy that provides just enough girth for those days when my vagina needs a rest but still wants to be stimulated. It’s definitely going to be a staple of my collection for a long time to come.

Review: Tantus Tsunami

Kate Sloan

Yep, there’s been a lot of Tantus around here recently! And there’s still more to come. What can I say? I’m a lucky, lucky girl.

I count myself as especially lucky because one of the Tantus items I was sent this month is the Tsunami – and it is about as perfect as a dildo can get. Remember when I said I loved the Echo? Yeah, this is way better.

The Tsunami is designed to look like a wave, as its name suggests. It has a curvy, rounded tip, followed by three large, jutting ridges. The bottommost ridge doesn’t quite fit inside me – the Tsunami is 6 ¾" insertable, and therefore longer than my vagina – but the other two are delicious. They need a fair bit of lube before they start to feel pleasurable rather than pointy, but it’s worth it.

There are also three small ridges on the back side of the dildo, toward the bottom. I feel ambivalently about stimulation on the back wall of my vagina, but if you’re into that, you’ll appreciate this feature.

The Tsunami is made of Tantus’ classic silicone – squishy and bendable, but firm; beautifully colorful; 100% boilable and bleachable. As usual, Tantus leaves nothing to be desired in terms of material quality. And the base is flat and flared, so you can wear the Tsunami in a harness if you want to fuck your lover with a badass tidal wave.

So why do I love the Tsunami so much? I’m going to try to refrain from saying unhelpful things like “it just feels really fucking good,” and instead, try to explain why it feels so good. For one thing, its ridges are marvelous at hitting my G-spot. They stroke past it every time, with little effort on my end, and manage to be satisfying without being overly intense like some other toys can be.

But truly, the real reason I’m in love with the Tsunami is its tip. The top of the wave is smooth and rounded, and acts like a slender penis or a thick finger. And it rubs the fuck out of my A-spot.

A-spot stimulation is something I don’t hear a lot about in the sex toy reviewing world, or in the world in general. I think this is owed to the fact that many people don’t know what the A-spot is. Maybe they have some semblance of an understanding that it feels good when they thrust a dildo really deeply and hit a spot somewhere near their cervix, but they don’t know it’s an actual erogenous zone with a name and a specific location.

I’m very aware of my A-spot, or “deep spot,” because it’s the source of most of my melty, tingly, “oh my god don’t stop” feelings when my boyfriend is fucking me. I’m also hyper-aware of it because, in order to stimulate it, I have to be very careful that I don’t bump my cervix. Cervical contact is, for me, uncomfortable at best, and agonizing at worst. So it’s bloody annoying that one of my favorite pleasure zones is located right next to my cervix.

But back to the Tsunami… Its tip has the perfect shape, size, squishiness, and curve to hit my A-spot without ever giving my cervix any grief. And that’s the main reason that the Tsunami will remain in the top drawer of my sex toy storage system, along with other all-time favorites like the Fling and the Amethyst. When I’m craving deep, satisfying, intuitive A-spot stimulation (with some kickass G-spot rubbing to boot), I’ll reach for the Tsunami.

Now, before I demand that every one of my readers buy one of these dildos, let’s just make sure you know what you’re getting into… This toy is 1 ¾" at its widest point. It’s squishy, so I can fit it inside me even though I’m on the smaller side, but it needs plenty of lube. If you’re tiny, you’ll want to skip this one (or just use the upper half, which, frankly, robs you of the toy’s greatest advantage). Likewise, if you don’t like texture, this is definitely not the dildo for you. And if you’re a size queen in search of something to stretch you and fill you up, the Tsunami won’t do it.

But if you like ridges on your G-spot, and firm but sweet A-spot stimulation, and both of those things in tandem… well, you need the Tsunami, pronto.

Thanks so much, PinkCherry.ca, for this stunning piece of silicone!

Review: Jollies Jollet

Kate Sloan

I was insanely excited to receive my package from Chavez Dezignz. As soon as I had opened it up and fondled this beautiful polka-dotted dildo in my hands, I updated my EdenFantasys status: “This week, my vagina will conquer the Jollies Jollet!”

I’m sad to report that it actually happened the other way around: the Jollet conquered my vagina.

My vag is on the smaller side of average. This is something I know, and have had to accept. I can take my boyfriend’s 6", average-girthed cock without pain or discomfort if it’s adequately lubed, and I can handle a dildo of a 1.5" diameter if I’m warmed up – but that’s about as far as I had gone, prior to the Jollet.

Jollies’ Jollet was designed from a mould of a vagina, so it’s made to fill up all the nooks and crannies inside a pussy, nestling there and staying in place. As such, it has a rather enormous bump (1.75") toward the end of the shaft that is meant to stimulate the G-spot when fully inserted. The Jollet also has a small, pointy end that can rub the cervix and surrounding area. I requested the Jollet because I like firm pressure on my G-spot and mild cervical stimulation, so it seemed like a good fit.

Tragically, it’s not a good fit at all. I’ve tried to use the Jollet on multiple occasions with no luck whatsoever.

This is how it usually goes: While watching porn and playing with my clit, I warm up with some other dildos, starting with a small one (Ella) and then moving to a larger one (Adam). Everything’s lubed and feeling good; I’m getting very turned on and can feel my G-spot crying out for more.

Then, I think, “Hey, maybe I’ll try the Jollet today.” I pull it out, drench it in lube, and slowly start to slide it in.

As the G-spot bump becomes parallel with my pubic bone, my pussy is overtaken by a sharp, burning pain. I tell myself, Just a little further, maybe it’ll slide in, and push it. It feels forced and agonizing. It feels like losing my virginity all over again.

After a few minutes of this, I can’t handle the pain anymore, so I remove the inch or two of the Jollet that I had managed to insert, wipe off the gallons of lube, and collapse into a pile of defeat and frustration.

If I was going to commission Chavez Dezignz to make a version of the Jollet just for me, I’d make a couple of small, but significant changes. I’d have them make the silicone squishier (currently it’s practically rock-hard, with no “give” to make insertion easier), and I’d reduce the diameter of the G-spot bump, even just by 0.1" or so. I think that would make all the difference for women with wimpy orifices like myself.

Other times that I’ve struggled with fitting a toy inside me, I wanted to work up to the challenge, because I felt like it was possible. Adam, for example, initially hurt a little, but its squishiness assured me that I’d be able to handle it if I spent more time on warm-up – and lo and behold, it’s still my favorite dildo for when I get into a “fill me up completely” kind of mood.

With the Jollet, it’s different. The challenge isn’t fun. It doesn’t encourage me to seek out the tricks I’ll need to get it to fit. I just don’t believe it ever will. It hurts like a motherfucker and drains all the arousal out of my pussy in one fell swoop.

It’s such a disappointment, because I really thought I would love the Jollet. Many of my favorite reviewers have raved about theirs. Plus, it’s polka-dotted, and looks so damn cute with my Candy Bullet wedged into the hole in the base. But it just doesn’t work for me.

I’m going to aim to write a follow-up review in a few months, if only because I feel it’s unfair to the toy and its makers for me to write it off based on my current vaginal prowess (practice makes perfect, after all). But for now, I can only recommend this toy for people who already know they’re comfortable taking toys 1.75" and wider, especially firm ones. Small-pussied gals like me will likely come to view the Jollet as an implement of agony.

Thanks to Chavez Dezignz for the opportunity to try out this super-cute toy! You can buy their products on their website or their Etsy shop.