Mini Reviews: We-Vibe Gala, FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet, & Sensuelle Point

My “toys to review” pile runneth over at the moment, so I thought I’d bunch a few together… Here are 3 clitoral vibes I have some Opinions about!

We-Vibe Gala (available at SheVibe)

We-Vibe sent me this at my request, because, from the moment I saw it, I desperately wanted it on my clit. It has a two-pronged, bunny-ears-esque shape reminiscent of the Jimmyjane Form 2, which I liked, as a person with a very sensitive clit that can’t handle direct stimulation most of the time. Having the option to surround my clit with vibration, rather than attack it head-on, always piques my interest.

I will say, it’s weird that the famously litigious We-Vibe blatantly ripped off a toy design from Jimmyjane. You would think they’d have picked up some anti-plagiarism scruples at some point while they were suing other companies for stealing their innovative couples’ toy design. But I digress…

I like the Gala’s motor better than the Form 2’s; it’s rumblier and stronger, but not by much. We-Vibe didn’t use their mind-blowing Tango motor in this toy, as far as I can tell, and that seems like a mistake: the sides and shaft of my clit appreciate rumbly vibration even more than the head does. I can get off with this vibe, but it takes a while, and I always reach a point where I’m like, “Seriously? I’m at the highest setting already?”

On the plus side, this vibe optionally pairs with the We-Connect app, so you can control and customize the vibrations more precisely than the toy’s buttons allow for. You can even use the app to create a mode much like my favorite setting on the Form 2, where the vibrations flicked back and forth quickly between the vibe’s two ears, feeling a little like a skilled lover’s tongue. Neat!

Unfortunately, it’s hard for me to take advantage of the Gala’s unique shape because the space between the ears is just slightly too small for my (average-sized) clit, especially as I get more turned on. I was explaining this problem to my boyfriend and said, “I can get it in there if I really kind of, like…” and he supplied, “Jam it in there?” which is exactly the right phrasing. I should not have to jam my genitals into a toy to make it work. It’s not painful, exactly – just slightly uncomfortable and annoying – but that’s enough to put me off using this toy most of the time. This could’ve been fixed by making the space between the ears slightly bigger or by making the ears more flexible. Better luck next time, We-Vibe.

FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet (available at Spectrum Boutique)

I tried this for the first time while on the phone with my boyfriend, and after listening to me using the FemmeFunn bullet and the Sensuelle Point bullet (see below), he correctly observed that I definitely prefer the FemmeFunn. (Dating attentive nerds is fun, y’all.)

I requested this vibe from Spectrum Boutique because my friend Bex had often mentioned it was a surprisingly strong and rumbly bullet for its price point. It’s half the price of the Tango and more-or-less matches it in strength and rumbliness, amazingly. Plus it’s cute as hell: I can’t resist anything turquoise and pink, try as I might.

I don’t like the way it charges: you have to jab the pointy end of a cable through a hole on the base of the toy and blindly hope you’re doing it right and aren’t breaking the toy. Can we do away with toys that charge this way, please, now that it’s 2018 and we have better technologies available to us?

This bullet’s slight flexibility makes it comfortable to use internally, if you don’t mind your penetrative objects being small. However, because the toy bends so easily, it’s also hard to put pressure on my clit with it, so if you like to press vibes into yourself, this might not be the best choice.

I still lean toward my Tango because the FemmeFunn’s squishy silicone makes it conduct vibration slightly less well than the Tango’s hard plastic, and because it’s much more annoying to scroll through the FemmeFunn’s 20 (!) settings than the Tango’s 8. But for its price and its size, this is a remarkably powerful and pleasurable vibe, and definitely my fave of the three highlighted in this post.

Sensuelle Point (available at Spectrum Boutique)

This is resoundingly my least favorite of the bunch, which surprised me, as I’d heard good things about it. It’s a simple, larger-than-standard-size bullet vibe, along the lines of the Tango or the VeDO Bam. However, it’s buzzier than either of those, slightly desensitizing both my clit and my hand after just a couple minutes.

The Point has 20 different speeds and patterns, but they don’t vary much in intensity, so I can’t get the boost in power I need once I’m getting close to orgasm. This toy feels too intense when I begin using it and not intense enough once I’ve been using it for a few minutes. Bummer.

That said, it’s a solidly constructed rechargeable at a reasonable price point ($55) and is made of smooth, luxurious, matte silicone that’s easy to clean. I’d still overall recommend you grab the cheaper-and-better FemmeFunn bullet instead, though, or spend a little more and get a Tango.

Thanks to We-Vibe and Spectrum Boutique for sending me these products to review!

Review: We-Vibe Sync

There comes a moment in any sex toy nerd’s life when they discover a non-standard use for a toy, and feel like a goddamn genius. Epiphora conjured hands-free orgasms with the Dusk; Bex first told me about putting an inside-out Tenga Egg over the head of a Hitachi for some added texture; and as for me, I’ve used the We-Vibe Sync for kink. (Hey, it even rhymes!)

How, you ask? Let me explain by first taking you back to a night sometime in late 2015. I’m pinned beneath my domly then-fuckbuddy in his big soft bed. He’s fucking me, and it feels fantastic, but without some clit stimulation, it’s not gonna get me anywhere. I snake my hand down between us to rub my clit, but he barks, “Did I say you could use your hand, little one?”

It’s true, he didn’t. And it’s frustrating for both of us that I have to use my hand: kinks-wise, I’d rather have my arms pinned over my head, and he’d prefer us in that pose, too. But without clit stim, orgasm is a sad impossibility for me. We eventually settle on a compromise: we squish my We-Vibe Tango between us, so it stays put beside my clit as he holds me down and fucks me. It works well enough – okay, it works great, and I come all over his cock, panting and mewling – but it’s a flawed system. Neither of us can easily or quickly adjust the vibration strength, and our pelvises have to remain perfectly flush to keep the vibe where it needs to stay.

Enter the We-Vibe Sync. It’s been over two years and I’m not seeing that fuckbuddy anymore, but other domly princes have come along, and the Sync has been there for us. It’s my hands-free solution to the problem of the princess who needs clit stim to come, but wants to feel hopelessly trapped beneath her darling.

The Sync boasts another feature ideal for kink: the app through which it can be controlled via Bluetooth. Whether you and your beau are oceans apart or they’re sitting beside you on the sofa, they can control your We-Vibe using their phone. The app allows you to manipulate several pre-programmed modes, raising or lowering the strength of the two individual motors with a swipe of a finger – or you can create your own modes, set the vibe to respond to the bassy thrum of music or sound, or use the “touch” mode to tap and swipe your partner into ecstasy.

The novelty factor of this app cannot be oversold. You can deny your partner clitoral stimulation while thrumming on their G-spot to tease them into a frenzy. You can rub your phone screen like you’d rub their actual clit, and coolly watch them squirm from across the room. You can send them a message in Morse code via vibration on their bits. The possibilities are infinite, and could be very, very evil, in the best possible way.

You could also – I suppose – use the Sync in the way We-Vibes are traditionally meant to be used: to provide extra stimulation during presumably-vanilla peen-in-vag sex. Its internal arm is more flared and textured than that on the Unite, so it stays in place better. And the Sync has two hinges between its internal and external arms, allowing you to adjust it to fit your body, unlike any other couples’ vibe in history. Amaze!

I find those hinges useful when I’m using the toy solo, too. Some days, my clit wants more pressure; some days, it wants less. I can widen or tighten the Sync’s angle to get the exact right amount of clit pressure at any given moment, and to make sure the clit arm actually stays on my clit. It’s genius.

Beware, though, that these hinges are prone to breaking if you drop the toy or pull it wider too harshly. I’ve worked at two different sex shops and the Sync floor models at both were broken by overzealous customers and/or salespeople by accident. When the hinges snapped, so, too, did the connection between the two arms’ motors – so not only did the toy flop uselessly like a deflated boner, but it also no longer vibrated in the internal arm. Be careful with your Sync!

Getting back to this toy’s good points, though, here’s the major thing that makes the Sync better than any other couples’ vibe on the market: DAT MOTOR. For years I’ve wondered why We-Vibe’s flagship toys’ motors were so weak and buzzy while their solo vibes were satisfyingly rumbly. Now, at long last, they’ve put a Tango-esque motor in a couples’ toy. The internal arm is still buzzy and kinda useless to me, but that clitoral arm is every bit as rumbly as I need it to be. It brings me to deep, satisfying orgasms, and doesn’t leave me numb.

Though the We-Connect app is designed for couples to use together, it can also be used alone. It acts as a remote control for the toy, and I like it a lot better than the actual remote the toy comes with. There is something so futuristic and cool about controlling my vibe from my phone. I don’t even have to take my pants down at any point; I can adjust the vibe’s position using my pelvic muscles and its vibrations with the app. Perfect for lazy orgasms at my desk, watching porn, reading erotica, or fantasizing.

Aside from the aforementioned fragile hinges, I only have a few quibbles about the Sync, and they are as follows. First off, the ridgy texture on the vaginal arm makes this toy impossible to clean without a small scrub brush (so, y’know, get a small scrub brush, or an old toothbrush). Secondly, if I’m using the Sync by myself, sometimes I get so wet that it starts to slide out of me and I have to continually readjust it. This isn’t nearly as much of an issue when a partner’s dick is in me, though. And thirdly, the internal arm’s motor is much weaker and buzzier than the one in the external arm. This only bugs me when I’m in the mood for strong G-spot stimulation, which isn’t often, but if you like your internal vibes robust and relentless, you might not be pleased with the Sync.

When I tell sex-nerd friends who haven’t tried the Sync that I’m reviewing it, they’re often disappointed or confused. “Don’t you hate couples’ vibes?” they say, perhaps flashing back to me screeching at the tangled panties of my FixSation, gnashing my teeth while mashing the remote of the We-Vibe 3, or throwing the Lelo Ida on my bedroom floor in an anguished rage.

It’s true that I’ve never loved a vibe of this style before. My former favorite from this category was the Lelo Noa, because it was the only one simultaneously unobtrusive enough not to bother my partner but strong and rumbly enough to get me off. But even that was not love – it was a paltry and resigned “like,” similar to how I’ll begrudgingly pick Wendy’s over McDonalds or Burger King if those are my only choices.

But I actually love the We-Vibe Sync. It does what a couples’ vibe should do: stays in place, doesn’t get in the way or interrupt the proceedings, and gets me off – whether I’m being fucked by a vanilla darling or a darkly dominant beau.

 

The We-Vibe Sync is available at Come As You Are ($237 CAD/about $180 USD), SheVibe ($199 USD), Peepshow ($199 USD), or from We-Vibe direct ($249 CAD).

Review: Sistalk Doctor Whale

Friends keep asking me what the deal is with the little stuffed cyclops-whale displayed in my room. “It came with a Kegel toy I’m reviewing soon,” I always say, which is a strange sentence. #SexToyReviewerLyfe, amirite?

Sistalk recently sent me their Doctor Whale vibrating Kegel exerciser – and that accompanying Doctor Whale stuffed animal. (I don’t know what he’s a doctor of, nor where he got his medical degree.) It’s a cool idea: an insertable vibrator equipped with pressure sensors, so it can vibrate your G-spot pleasurably while also guiding you through a Kegel exercise regimen and sensing how well you’re doing on your workout. The toy is controllable via an app called Monster Pub, which is also where you can set up and track your Kegel exercises. You can use Sistalk toys as regular wearable vibrators as well, controlling their vibrations via the app.

Sistalk designed this product well in some ways: its silicone is smooth and soft, it’s easy to insert, and it’s comfortable to use. The whale’s tail sits against my clit but doesn’t really vibrate it, so I’ll never have an orgasm from this toy alone, but that isn’t really its aim. The whale’s body is big enough that I can feel it when I squeeze around it, but not so big that it’s uncomfortable. To my surprise, the motor is quite good: rumbly and strong enough to please my fickle G-spot. Physically, the toy is well-thought-out.

But problems arise once you get into the Bluetooth connectivity and app-controllability. The connection between the toy and my phone is always tenuous at best, usually disconnecting after a couple minutes if not sooner. Other reviewers have experienced this issue too so I know it’s not a fluke with my particular toy. Needless to say, it’s hard to focus on a Kegel exercise routine when you’re concerned the vibe will disconnect at any moment, which it inevitably does.

The app itself is too busy, bursting with options. I’ve dated enough app developers to be able to hear their tut-tutting in my head as I flip through this app’s overburdened menus and screens. There’s also a language barrier which makes many of its instructions confusing or downright hilarious (I’m still gigglin’ about the Kegel exercise narrator telling me to squeeze my “vageena” tighter).

I think this line of toys has a lot of potential; the designers just need to fix the connectivity issues, tighten up the app, and maybe construct a more stimulating tail for this li’l whale. Until then, I recommend the We-Vibe Sync if you’re looking for an app-controllable vibrator, and a good old-fashioned pair of Kegel balls if you want to work on your pelvic musculature. Hopefully Sistalk works out the kinks with their products so lots of folks can enjoy these adorable, health-promoting monsters!

 

This review was sponsored, and as always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Fun Factory Laya II

How does that saying go? “Be careful what you wish for; you might get a less-good version of it”? Yeah, something like that.

I tried the battery-powered Fun Factory LayaSpot back in 2013. In my review, I wrote: “The vibrations are too weak and surfacey to get me off… I really wish they would overhaul this vibe as a rechargeable, because I would buy the shit out of that.” Lo and behold, four years later, Fun Factory came out with the Laya II, a rechargeable upgrade on the LayaSpot.

This new model has the exact same shape and dimensions as its predecessor, so devotees of the classic will dig it. The Layas’ shape is one of the things I like best about them: the rounded tip can dig into my clit with the moderate pressure I like, and is broad enough to cover the whole head of my clit but pinpoint enough to stimulate only where I want it. It feels comfortable in my hand, which wraps around it ergonomically such that my index finger can rest over the controls. It’s really quite a well-designed vibrator, shape-wise.

Motor-wise, though, not so much. The reason I wanted a rechargeable version of this toy is that Fun Factory is known for their fantastic rechargeable motors. Their other rechargeables, like the G4 Patchy Paul and G5 Big Boss, are remarkably strong and rumbly – but they’re all big enough to be used internally, and I wanted a li’l clitoral vibe, since I use vibrators externally almost exclusively. The Laya II does not have the signature bomb-ass Fun Factory motor; it has, instead, something weaker, buzzier, and disappointing.

It’s possible they did this because of size constraints – you can’t fit the same mechanics into something little like the Laya II that you could fit into a bigger, penetrative vibe – but other companies have managed to make powerful, rumbly clit vibes. (The We-Vibe Tango, VeDO Bam, and Swan Wand Mini come to mind.) I believed that if anyone could make the next truly great clit vibe, the one that would rival the Tango at long last, it would be Fun Factory. I’m kind of bummed that that isn’t the case.

Don’t get me wrong: the Laya II’s motor is fine. It can get me off. I’d rate it as a 6 out of 10 on the buzzy-to-rumbly scale – not awful, but not my favorite. And any level of buzziness grates on me these days, frankly. Like my friend Epiphora says about rumbly vibes: “My clit perks up, longing for orgasm, becoming an active participant in the process. Using a buzzier vibe, my arousal level is more stagnant, less dynamic, and the masturbatory experience is just not as fun.” The Laya II’s vibrations feel great for a couple minutes, but then their buzziness numbs my clit, so I have to move the vibe around, thrust my accompanying dildo faster, and/or crank the power. That buzzy quality would be understandable in a $50 battery-operated vibe like the LayaSpot; it’s less reasonable in a $120 rechargeable like the Laya II.

These vibrations are also loud. They make a high-pitched, jangly clattering noise that reminds me simultaneously of bees and snakes. And they numb my hand. Like it’s been stung and/or bitten by a bee and/or a snake.

To add insult to injury, the Laya II has a super unintuitive controls scheme whereby hitting the “plus” button again after the third steady speed turns the toy to a vibration pattern. This has tripped me up multiple times: I keep thinking I can increase the vibration speed further (because my clit’s so numb that I need mega-powered vibrations at that point), but then accidentally switching to a pattern and fucking up my impending orgasm. Aaaargh!

It’s just so frustrating that Fun Factory put such a sad motor in a toy as otherwise lovely as the Laya II. It makes me want to crack this vibe open and replace its motor with one from the We-Vibe Tango. You know, if I knew a damn thing about electronics and could do that. Which, alas, I don’t and can’t.

 

Thank you so much to Fun Factory for sending me this toy to review! You can shop their toys at SheVibe, Peepshow, and Come As You Are.

Review: BMS Factory Swan Wand

Here’s a fact about the BMS Factory Swan Wand: I once knew a super-hot sex toy salesperson who told me the Swan Wand was his favorite toy.

This piqued my interest on two levels. Firstly, when someone whose literal job it is to know about sex toys tells you their favorite toy – and indeed, he was hyper-knowledgeable about toys, moreso even than me – they probably know what they’re talking about. And secondly, when a hot person tells you about a sex toy they love, it’s hard not to imagine them using it. On themselves. On other people. On you. Whatever.

I didn’t own a Swan Wand at the time. But he kept telling me to buy it. And his very endorsement made me want to do what he said. (It certainly helped that he was pretty dommy, too.)

Here’s another fact about the Swan Wand: I once mistook it for a motor vehicle.

I had the vibe with me when I got on a streetcar one night, and must have bumped it through the side of my bag as I sat down. It jolted to life but I 100% assumed it was the streetcar’s thrumming motor I felt against my elbow. I had earbuds in, so I couldn’t hear the wand clattering against the other contents of my purse. It took me over ten minutes to realize what had happened. The Swan Wand’s vibrations are that strong and rumbly. (I cringe to imagine what the other streetcar-riders around me thought was going on in my bag.)

Though this vibe has the word “wand” in its name and often appears in the “wand vibes” section on sex toy websites, it’s not really a wand in the traditional sense; it’s more of a super-powered G-spot vibe. I can take the smaller (1.5″ diameter) end in my vag comfortably with a good water-based lube, though I wish it was a little more tapered to allow for easier insertion without warm-up. The larger end, by contrast, has a 2.5″ diameter – so, while some people could insert it, I have not attempted it and tend to use that end more like I’d use an actual wand vibe: for broad, general stimulation over my whole vulva.

Each end of the Swan Wand has its own motor, and they feel quite different from each other – so cool! While both motors are remarkably strong and rumbly, the one on the larger end is rumblier: I can feel it physically thrumming against me like a jaguar that’s swallowed a jackhammer. However, despite this, I still use the smaller end far more often, because my clit prefers its pinpointed shape.

The Swan Wand is rechargeable (with a surprisingly long-lasting charge for a dual-motor toy), fully waterproof, and has a convenient travel lock (which I foolishly forgot to turn on before the vibe clattered to life in my bag that day on the streetcar, natch). There’s a lot to love about it. But I have a couple issues with it that make it unlikely to become a go-to for me.

First: the controls. The Swan Wand has two buttons – one to control each motor – and they both work the same way: you press once to turn the motor on, press additional times to scroll through the toy’s 7 vibration functions, or press and hold to increase the vibration speed. The toy’s LED light flashes gradually faster as the vibration speed increases, and then turns solid once you’ve reached the max speed. At any point while on a higher speed, you can press the button again to bring the vibe back down to the speed you started at – a useful function for people like me who get overstimulated easily and need to dial things back multiple times in a session.

Try as I might, I can’t seem to get used to this controls scheme. I keep accidentally hitting the button instead of holding it down, so I’ll flip to a different vibration pattern at the key moment when I needed to boost the speed. Additionally, I find it hard to get to the exact speed I’m looking for, because the press-and-hold system is imprecise if you have a somewhat slow reaction time like me. I would much prefer a simple “this button increases the speed, this one decreases it” interface.

Turning the vibrator off entails pressing both its buttons at the same time – a not-entirely-intuitive move for many. (God, I can’t even tell you how many times I had to help a blushing customer shut off our demo Swan Wand at the sex shop where I used to work.)

My other major issue with the Swan Wand is that the intense vibrations travel throughout the toy’s entire body, so you feel them in your hand the whole time you’re using the toy. This isn’t as annoying as it would be if the vibe was buzzier and more numbing, but it’s still pretty annoying, and often puts me off of using this toy when I would otherwise like to.

That said, you’re probably not gonna find a stronger G-spot vibe than this one. I find it stronger and rumblier than some of the industry’s other major contenders, like the Lelo second-generation G-spot vibes, We-Vibe insertables, and Fun Factory G4 and G5 vibes. G-spots typically respond best to deep vibrations such as these, rather than more surface-level ones – so if you already know you like vibration on your G-spot and want to kick it up a notch, the Swan Wand would be a great investment.

But I use vibrators externally almost exclusively, and this one is a bit too hand-numbing and unintuitive to operate, so I’ll probably only reach for it when I need a lot of power without much finesse.

 

Thank you to Adam & Eve for providing this toy for me to review, and for sponsoring this post! The discount code “GIRLY” will get you 50% off almost any one item on their site – including this vibrator, if you choose to buy it – as well as free shipping on your entire order in the U.S. and Canada.