5 Beauty Products (& 1 Pair of Earrings) I’m Absolutely Loving Right Now

Hi friends! Normally at this time of year, I’d be writing my 12 Days of Girly Juice series – but I just don’t have it in me this year. I’m burned out, I need a vacation, and so I’m taking one. Hooray!

That being said, talking about femme stuff like makeup and clothing (almost) never feels like work to me – so I want to tell you about some products that are making me feel a lot prettier lately.

 

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Mineral One Daily Cream SPF50+

My sweetheart picked this out for me when we were in Montreal together recently, because I’d forgotten to bring any sun protection, and I ended up really liking it, even though it’s not the kind of thing I normally use.

This is what you might call a tinted moisturizer with SPF, or a BB/CC cream – it moisturizes the skin, and offers some sun protection, but is also tinted like a foundation. I never used to see the point of this type of product, because if I was going to bother to put foundation on, I wanted full coverage or nothin’. But makeup trends have shifted substantially since I first learned to do my face circa 2013, and a fresher, more authentically skin-like finish is more in vogue now. That’s exactly what I get with this product.

Sometimes I apply it with a damp Beautyblender, sometimes with a flat kabuki brush, and sometimes just with my (clean) fingers, depending on my mood. I’ll usually do concealer and powder too, for a slightly more pulled-together look, but this product also looks pretty nice as-is once it’s blended into your skin. It feels a lot lighter than most foundations and doesn’t seem to bother my skin as much. Yay!

 

Selfmade Secure Attachment Comfort Serum

This was sent to me as part of a press package because Selfmade also makes an oil-based lube they wanted me to try (which I also enjoy, for external genital massage), but I ended up loving this face serum more.

I’ve been applying it as the last step of my skincare routine (when I have the energy to do a full routine), after my cleanser, toner, moisturizer, and eye cream. It contains ingredients that calm redness and irritation, and it significantly boosts my skin’s hydration, leaving my face feeling soft. It also doubles as a primer for foundation (or tinted moisturizer; see above), creating a smooth surface for makeup to adhere to. It has a lovely smell, too – like aloe, cucumber, and lavender. It’s like a spa experience in a bottle!

 

Maybelline SuperStay Vinyl Ink in “Royal”

This was a recommendation from a beauty YouTuber I follow but I can’t remember who! The formula is fantastic – it’s really hard to take this off without an oil-based makeup remover, so it lasts easily through meals, drinks, and assorted adventures.

I own a lot of red lipsticks, but not many that are on the darker side. It can be intimidating to wear a lipstick this much darker than your typical shade(s), but “Royal” really caught my eye, and I’ve been loving it. It feels very winter-appropriate and has a lot of… gravitas? Is that a weird thing to say about a lipstick?!

 

Maybelline Color Sensational lipstick in “Pink For Me”

I recently had a bizarre urge to revisit a seriously dated makeup trend – the brownish-pinkish-nude lip that Kylie Jenner loved to rock, about a decade ago. In many ways it’s an even older look; it has a very ’90s feel to it.

I already have MAC lip liner in “Whirl,” famously one of Kylie’s favorite shades, but don’t own many lipsticks that go with it, because, well – usually if I’m gonna wear lipstick, I want it BRIGHT. But I picked up a few subtler shades this year for when I want a more minimalistic look, and this one might be my fave of the bunch.

It’s just a really flattering shade (which makes sense – Maybelline claims to have tested this lipstick with 50 different skin tones to make sure it would look good on everyone), and the formula is matte but not drying at all. Maybelline does the best matte drugstore lipsticks, IMO, and this one is a prime example.

 

Tom Ford “Tobacco Vanille” eau de parfum

This was an anniversary gift from my spouse, who knows me very well. I’ve had a few sample vials of this scent over the years, and always liked the androgynous sexiness of it. It’s warm, bold, spicy, sweet, and comforting, all at once. An ideal wintertime scent, if you ask me – I think it would feel oppressively heavy in summer, but it’s the perfect fragrance to spritz onto your throat before wrapping it in a cozy scarf and heading out into the cold.

I really am a bit of a perfume hound at this point… Right now there are 3 full-size bottles on my dresser (this one, Paradise Edition, and Aimanté), plus about a zillion little sample vials strewn about. Some of my other favorite wintry ones are John Varvatos and Noël au Balcon. Funnily enough, despite owning so many perfumes and loving them so much, I mostly just wear them around the house. I don’t want to bother people in the outside world who might be fragrance-sensitive, and few things feel as glamorous to me as swanning around the house in nothing but a silk robe and a spritz of something, anyway.

 

Magic Wand earrings by FUELifestyle

Not a beauty product, but they sure are beautiful! I’ve been wanting a pair of Magic Wand earrings for a while, but a lot of the handmade ones available on Etsy have cutesy cartoonish proportions. That’s all well and good for people who dig that, but I wanted earrings that looked as much like an actual Magic Wand as possible, from the color to the shape to the little blue buttons. These are 3D-printed, and are pretty damn accurate!

As a socially anxious person, I don’t always want to wear such a lewd conversation piece on my person, but I’ve rocked these on a few dates (and even while interviewing a few people about the Magic Wand, lol!) and they always get a good reaction. They make me feel like I’m flagging my sex-nerdery to the world.

 

Any beauty products you’re loving lately? Let me know in the comments!

My Everyday Makeup + Skincare Essentials

As much as I love to try new beauty products, a lot of times I just come back to the same ones over and over again. Here are the skincare and makeup items that are in heavy rotation for me right now – some of them I use every single day, and some of them I use closer to once or twice a week, but all of them get used more than anything else in my collection.

 

Skincare

Cleanser: I love the soothing scent and light chemical exfoliation of Mario Badescu Enzyme Cleansing Gel. I also often use Cetaphil and/or CeraVe cleansers when I travel, because they can be found in most drugstores in Canada and the U.S.

Moisturizer: CeraVe moisturizing cream is just the best. So hydrating, so simple, so non-irritating, so affordable (considering that you get a giant tub of it).

Night cream: Mario Badescu seaweed night cream is my favorite for nights when my skin is feeling especially dry and needs some love.

Eye cream: I’m using Biossance eye gel at the moment but am not really in love with it. Still looking for the eye cream of my dreams.

Sunscreen: Coola face sunscreen dries down better than any other one I’ve tried, so I can wear makeup over top if I give it just a few minutes to soak in.

Lip balm: The LaNeige lip sleeping mask is divine.

 

A pretty standard “everyday” makeup look for me

Makeup

Eyebrows: Anastasia Beverly Hills Dipbrow Pomade in “Dark Brown” is one of my all-time favorite makeup products. I’ve been using it for about 9 years, and it is the product that makes me feel more like myself when I apply it. I like the pomade formula rather than an eyebrow pencil because it holds your brows’ shape better and seems to stay put better. (Make sure you get an angled brow brush with a spoolie if you want to try this stuff; use the spoolie to shape your brows and then apply Dipbrow in short strokes with the angled brush.)

Concealer: Maybelline Fit Me liquid concealer has a blendable consistency and buildable medium coverage. I actually prefer it over the pricier NARS concealer I was using before.

Powder: Most days I use either Laura Mercier translucent loose setting powder or Make Up For Ever Ultra HD pressed powder; they both work really well for setting concealer/foundation in place and getting rid of shine.

Blush: I have tried several but Tarte blush in “Natural Beauty” is my favorite one ever. It’s super pigmented but easy to blend, and the color goes well with both red and pink lipsticks. When I want something a bit more subdued, usually I go with MAC Sheertone blush in “Blushbaby,” which a MAC salesperson introduced me to many years ago when I started wearing blush for the very first time.

Eyeliner: MAC Liquidlast liner in “Point Black” is the only one I’ve found that stands up to all the sweating and crying I do. The gloopy texture is a little weird at first but you get used to it.

Lipstick: I have about a zillion of them, but some ride-or-die faves that I wear pretty often are:

 

What are your everyday skincare and/or makeup essentials?

Monthly Faves: Zumio, Ziggy, & Zines

Happy Halloween! Here are some notable highlights from my October…

Sex toys

• I don’t have much new stuff to report here because I’m a curmudgeonly old sex toy reviewer who’s set in her ways (i.e. using the Eroscillator several times a week), BUT: Intimina sent me their Ziggy menstrual cup, supposedly the only reusable cup you can leave in while having sex. I haven’t gotten to try it yet but I am excited to test its capabilities.

• Zumio sent me the newer version of their product, the Zumio S. The original was incredibly intense; this new version is geared toward people who are more sensitive. It’s less strong and has a silicone tip that muffles the oscillation slightly. Still feels plenty strong to me, though! I’ve had a hard time getting off with this toy because the shape is just too pinpoint for my finicky clit, but it feels nice nonetheless.

Fantasy fodder

• Been thinking a lot lately about fractionation, the hypnosis phenomenon whereby a hypnotist moves their subject in and out of trance very quickly several times in a row, to induce a feeling of disorientation. It feels like my brain is getting fucked. Much like drugs or alcohol, it creates an altered state in me very quickly and easily, which is very much within my kinky wheelhouse.

• My partner often reads to me over the phone, and lately we’ve been working our way through Desperate Measures, a fanfic novella where Jafar and Jasmine from Aladdin have a relationship involving consensual non-consent and DD/lg. Weirdly, it has some very Fifty Shades vibes: Jafar is a well-off businessman and Jasmine is a sheltered good girl. The fanfiction medium continues to dazzle and delight.

• Am I into impregnation kink now?? (That is always how it feels when a new-to-me kink shows up in my sex-brain. Like: What?? This?? Really??) I was talking to my partner about this recently and remarked that, for me, it’s pretty hard to separate the terror of real-life pregnancy from the fantasy desire to be impregnated – how can I truly know whether the latter is hot to me while the former is present? – but, even with that arousal-dampening condition in place, I’m still mildly intrigued by this kink. Hmm.

Sexcetera

• I trekked down to New York to see Bex (who was getting his top surgery, OMG!) and Matt (my luv). Some highlights of my trip: Bex’s carrot cake, watching B99 and Claire Saffitz for hours, truffle pasta at The Pool, rum cocktails at Dear Irving, a really hot blue-eyed British nurse in the recovery room, shopping for eyeshadow, and of course, seeing Bex’s resilience and delight post-surgery. What a remarkable friend I have.

• I guested on Trends Like These again this month, stepping in to talk about “woke” comedy, leaked nudes, and video game bankruptcy. Always a pleasure! Brent and I also guested together on the SyFy Every Day Horror podcast, where we discussed the movie Insidious – not my fave, but Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne are very hot in it, so, y’know. (Did you know all my guest podcast appearances are listed on my Press page?)

• On The Dildorks, we chatted about breakups and Bex’s top surgery, and interviewed Aida Manduley about attachment theory. On Question Box, we interrogated incredible guests like Heidi O’Ferrall and SungWon Cho. In my newsletter, I wrote about friend-ghosting, an impromptu watersports scene, an accidental trance, and queer sex.

• Sextistics: This month I had in-person sex 20 times (!) and phone sex also 20 times, for a combined total of 40 sex sessions. That’s… too many for 31 days, but okay.

Fashion & beauty

• My skin’s been chaotic for months (psoriasis + depression + chronic pain can do that to a person), so this month I bought some new skincare products to try to sort it out. My current routine looks like this: rinse face with water in the morning, moisturize with squalane and CeraVe cream, apply eye cream (haven’t settled on a fave yet but I’m using Origins GinZing and IT Cosmetics Bye Bye Under Eye) and sunscreen; in the evening, wash face with Mario Badescu Enzyme Cleansing Gel and a konjac sponge, apply glycolic acid toner and eye cream, and moisturize with rose hip seed oil and Lush Celestial; twice a week, use a salicylic acid mask. Plus occasional medicated psoriasis creams. My grumpy skin is finally starting to calm down!

• Maybe I “should” be wearing more “autumnal” lipsticks at this point, but instead I’m still stuck on my favorite pink du moment, Sugarpill’s “Girl Crush.” It’s pretty much perfect.

• Since I work from home, loungewear is an important category in my wardrobe. I have a new pair of modal lounge pants from the Gap that are blissfully soft, and comfy enough to wear to bed but (just barely) opaque enough to wear on a coffee run or to the laundry room. A++!

Media

• Tegan and Sara’s new album Hey, I’m Just Like You is all reworked versions of songs they wrote in high school, so it’s full of romantic melodrama and boppy hooks. I’ll probably never love another album of theirs as much as I loved The Con, but this one has certainly been haunting my head lately.

• My award-winning novelist cousin Sean’s new book The Wagers came out this month, and I loved it. It’s a high-stakes heist story about luck and love, set in locales as far-flung as a Montreal grocery store and a desert commune.

• I ordered a bunch of Clementine Morrigan’s zines and they’re soooo good. She writes with profound acuity about love, trauma, kink, sobriety, friendship, and queerness.

Little things

Laundry day. Solo food court dates. Seeing DeAnne Smith do stand-up from front-row centre. Peanut M&Ms (the superior movie theatre snack). Making Brent laugh with my dumb puns. Replacing the ink cartridge in my fancy pen. Bursts of creative energy at odd hours. New sheets. 24 Hours of Improv at the Bad Dog. Giant margaritas. My therapist getting extremely flustered when he accidentally made a suicide joke in front of me (lol). Letting my love borrow my lipstick. Clients who know what they want and communicate it well. Automatically generated word count goals on Scrivener. Seeing two burlesque performers do an anal fisting scene on stage (!!). Exercising my democratic right, in a really cute outfit. Watching the election results come in at the Glad Day. Martinis and theatre with my mom. Talking to a kink-nerd friend about sex research and BDSM psychology for hours. Tinder Tales at the Gladstone. Interviewing my heroes.

Monthly Faves: Hypnosis & High Heels

July was beautiful, sunny, and happy! Here are some of the sexy things I loved this month…

Sex toys

• As I’ve told you before, I recommend my Sir a sex toy every month as part of a protocol we have. This month I suggested the Oxballs Spyro, a thuddy-as-fuck aluminum and silicone impact implement with a spiral emblazoned on it. We’re both into spanking and hypnosis, so this seemed like an ideal toy for us to use together (though I don’t know how practical the spiral on this toy is for actual hypnokink)!

• Speaking of spirals… My Mad Toto sleep mask got a lot of use this month – not only to help me sleep but also as part of a sensory deprivation scene I did with my Sir. He put this blindfold on me, along with a big pair of noise-canceling headphones playing one of my favorite instrumental albums (see the media section, below), cuffed me to my bed with my under-the-bed restraints, and proceeded to do all sorts of creative and pleasurable things to me. It was fun to fulfill a long-time fantasy of mine with someone I trust completely.

• Still loving my Weal & Breech purpleheart truncheon, and a similar wooden bat I own from Kronic Sensations. I generally prefer thuddy impact but I like how subspacey I get when hit with stingy implements, so I like that this type of toy strikes a good balance between those two extremes.

Fantasy fodder

• The phone sex I have with my Sir often reminds me of improv, in that we both have theatre training so we’re well used to spinning small suggestions into full-blown, vividly-imagined stories. (Lots more on that in a blog post series next week!) This month I was idly chatting with him on the phone about how I want to get my heart tattoo touched up sometime, and somehow that turned into me picturing him being the tattoo artist administering pain to that erogenous zone via a hot needle – which, of course, turned into a phone-sex scene about exactly that. I love that roleplay allows us to engage in high-stakes flirtation the likes of which would normally be impossible in an established relationship like ours, and that I get to see different sides of this person I love refracted in the characters he plays.

• I had a truly “wow, kink can be sooo romantic!” experience this month when Sir and I were hanging out in a beautiful park and no one else was around, so we decided to do a hypno scene real quick. (Carpe perversum, I say, i.e. always seize the opportunity to be a pervert.) He had me lay my head in his lap and took me down into a nice relaxing trance to the sounds of wind, distant traffic, and his sweetly, familiarly dominant voice. I love finding moments of kinky connection in public places, these little bubbles of intimacy that feel impenetrable to anyone but the two of us.

• (Content note: consensual non-consent, i.e. “rape” scenes.) My Sir and I have been discussing con non-con roleplays we could try, and recently decided it would be fun to do a scene where he gives me a long, relaxing massage (we both have kink feelz about massage and relaxation) until I’m so chilled out I can hardly move or talk, and then he “takes advantage of me.” We didn’t actually get around to doing this scene this month but I’ve been thinking about it a lot because it’s a synthesis of so many things I find hot…

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I was interviewed for Adultsmart about blogging, time management, sex education, and more. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about dry spells and celibacy, underrated sex acts, and exhibitionism and group sex, and interviewed Marcia Baczynski about sexual communication. I wrote about first-date mistakes, choosing online dating profile photos, and banishing pre-date nerves for RateDesi. And most excitingly: I won the Excellence in Bisexual Coverage award from the Association of LGBT Journalists!

• This coming Thursday, I’ll depart for the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit! Looking forward to seeing my blogger babes, speaking on a panel, doing a live Dildorks recording, and sharing a king-size hotel bed with my darlin’. It’s gonna be a blast! (If you’re going too, please come say hi if you spot me!) Major shout-out to the three sponsors who’ve helped fund my trip: SheVibe, Peepshow, and Friction.

Femme stuff

• Everyone’s been talking about The Ordinary for ages in skincare-land, and I finally hopped on that bandwagon this month by trying out their squalane. I mix a couple drops into my regular moisturizer, and it makes my skin feel soft and healthy.

• I got my hair color darkened up and feel so much better about it. Greyish roots begone! (My hair’s always done by Paul Taylor at Avalon; he’s a genius.)

• I am not normally a heels person, but bored to death of my go-to Frye boots, I’ve been trying out some more seasonally appropriate footwear options this month – mainly my yellow Lotta From Stockholm clogs and black Naturalizer pumps. Sometimes I don’t mind the wobbling and aching that comes along with wearing heels for me, because they make me feel so damn cute.

Media

• My friend Eva makes fantastic sex ed videos on YouTube. I particularly enjoyed this one about internalized biphobia and bisexual stereotypes.

• When we were planning our sensory deprivation scene (see above, in the sex toys section), my Sir asked me what I wanted to listen to in my headphones, and I immediately replied: The BQE by Sufjan Stevens. It’s “a cinematic suite inspired by the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway and the Hula-Hoop,” and it’s some of the most beautiful instrumental music I’ve ever heard. (Sleeping Invader and Traffic Shock are my favorite tracks, FYI, but you should really listen to the whole thing sometime because it flows together wonderfully.)

• I enjoyed reading Hallie Lieberman’s book Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy. There are some valid criticisms of this book (mainly the way it glosses over or totally erases queer and trans folks’ role in this story) but I think it’s a decent overarching history of how the sex toy industry came to be.

• The Punch Brothers (whose sexy, baroque-influenced bluegrass music I’ve written about before) have a new album out: All Ashore. As per usual for them, it’s full of haunting melodies, clever lyrics, and stunning instrumentation. Chris Thile should consider making out with me. I’m just sayin’.

Little things

Canada Day in the park with Max and my mom. Summer sunsets. Sir sending me cute enamel pins as a reward for submitting some outstanding tax forms. Grooving to Christina Aguilera tunes with Sarah. An enthusiastic enby buying me a shot at a karaoke bar. This version of “Saw You in a Dream.” Sir singing to me over the phone. Laughing so hard my menstrual cup falls outWriting a new song as part of a D/s task. Sir making me a Twitter bot that tweets things which sound vaguely like things I would tweet (SO FUNNY). Solo cocktail dates with my journal and/or a book. Interviewing my Sir for a blog post series (just you wait!). Meeting Sir at the airport like the sappy romantic I am. Fancy date nights with my love. The steakhouse waitress who kept directing all her menu spiels to me even though Sir was ordering everything (I love her feminist chutzpah). Sitting in the “couples’ seat” at the Bad Dog. Stephin Merritt’s Project Song. Restocking my condom basket. Sir knowing all my sounds. People who react well to nudes. Brooklyn Nine-Nine headcanons. Renewing my theatre subscription. Drinking a gin smash and listening to jazz while writing about vibrators (the perfect evening).