Sharing the Sexy #30

• Everything you ever wanted to know about foot fetishes.

Dating tips for feminist men. There needs to be more resources like this!

• Here is a zine on learning good consent.

• This is also a really great consent resource, including sample scripts for consent-related conversations you might have with your partner(s).

Why does spanking feel so good? (When I saw this, it made me wonder if Lelo is thinking of releasing a paddle… Think it could rival this one?)

• The Red Tent Sisters weigh in on how to ease into using menstrual cups for the first time.

• Lilly drops some truth bombs about sex toys and body size.

Review: Tantus Snap Strap paddle

I don’t think I really believed Tantus when they first came out with their line of paddles and said that the collection “can give you an entire spectrum of colors during use, from rosy pink, all the way to black & blue.” I guess I just didn’t think there could be that much variety from one plain-looking silicone paddle to another. But now I’m converted. Now I understand.

I have two paddles from the collection now, the Snap Strap, which I’m reviewing today, and the Wham Bam, which I’ve had for a few months already. Both are excellent, but I have a strong preference for the Wham Bam and I’ll tell you why.

In kink-speak, there are basically two ends of the spectrum when it comes to the sensations of impact play: “stingy” (pronounced sting-ee, not stin-jee) and “thuddy.” In a way, I think of them as being akin to the distinction between “buzzy” and “rumbly” in vibrators. If a paddle, flogger, or crop is stingy, its impact is basically surface-level, whereas a thuddy implement packs a deeper punch. Think of it as the difference between someone slapping your ass and punching it, maybe.

My boyfriend and I spent a good while testing both the Snap Strap and the Wham Bam on one another, and we both concluded that we prefer the Wham Bam – because it’s thuddier. Its sensation is fuller and more impactful. It’s more painful, but in a good way.

Of course, others will prefer the Snap Strap for its distinctly stingy sensation. Everyone has preferences and those preferences inform what kind of paddle you should buy.

As for the wielding end of the experience, the Wham Bam is definitely easier to manoeuver. The business end is thicker and shorter, so it doesn’t flop around as much. Both my partner and I found the Snap Strap so long and floppy that it was tricky to aim with. It truly behaves more like a strap, a belt, or a whip than a paddle – so if you already like that type of toy and want a sturdier version, the Snap Strap might be a good option.

By the way, if you’re wondering why someone would want a silicone paddle over more traditional materials like leather, here’s why: silicone is sterilizable. Say you’re playing with one of your partners and you happen to get some of her bodily fluids onto the paddle, but you have a date with your other partner later that day for some spanking (you minx, you!). With Tantus toys, that’s no problem – just stick it in some boiling water for a few minutes and you’re good to go.

So which paddle should you buy? If you’re a spankee, ask yourself whether your favorite part of a spanking is the sharp feeling on your skin (Snap Strap!) or the deep, reverberating sensation of a strong smack (Wham Bam!). If you’re a spanker, ask yourself if you feel more comfortable wielding a traditional paddle (Wham Bam!) or something closer to a whip (Snap Strap!).

Or you could just get both and call it a day.

Many thanks to PinkCherry for providing me with this toy!

Sharing the Sexy #20

• Here’s a great essay about being intersex.

How to be an ally to your fat lover!

• This typography series by Sophia Wallace, Cliteracy, is fucking spot-on!

• Ever wondered how to recycle old sex toys? Now you know!

Jenna from silicone sex toy maker Tantus did an AMA on Reddit. Goooood readin’.

Lilly’s review of the Jimmyjane Hello Touch is way better than mine and contains lots of information that might be of interest to you.

• This asshole wants to start “Have Sex with an Ugly Person Day.”

• Metis Black explains how to spank. I’m reviewing one of Tantus’ new paddles soon and I’m so excited!

• Toronto-dwellers: have you got your Feminist Porn Awards ticket yet? (I’ll be at the conference. Let me know if you’re going and want to say hi!)

• Hugo Schwyzer says being pegged makes men better lovers and better feminists.

Sexual Goals for 2013

I’m a big list-maker. I make lists year-round, but especially when a new year is starting. And because my life and work are sex-centric, many of my goals end up being sex-related too. Here are some of the sexy things I hope to accomplish in 2013.

1. Get fucked in the ass with a strap-on.
Though I am interested in having anal sex eventually, it’s not something I think I’ll be emotionally and physically prepared for this year, at least not with my current partner’s average-sized penis. But I do want to explore anal play with him, so I came up with this compromise: he can wear my harness and fuck me with the teensy Tantus Acute. It’ll be much less intimidating than “real” anal sex, on multiple levels, and it’ll allow us both to figure out whether we’re ready to actually take that next step.

2. Enjoy G-spot play more often.
The sensations that emanate from my G-spot are almost scarily intense. They evoke all sorts of frightening thoughts and feelings, from the profound (“Will this open a door in my sex life that I will never be able to close again?”) to the trivial (“Am I going to pee the bed?”). For this reason, I tend to shy away from playing with my G-spot as much as I should, even though it feels awesome. In 2013, I want to step up my sexual exploration and take additional steps toward figuring out my G-spot.

3. Be photographed nude by my partner.
A girl I know has started up a magazine of feminist erotica, filled with hot images and words. I want to take some photos to submit to her, even if they get rejected for being too amateurish (hey, I’m no model). I want my partner to look at my naked body through a camera and take some shots of me playing with toys. This shit will be hot on so many levels.

4. Incorporate more spanking into our sexytimes.
My boyfriend used to spank me on a semi-regular basis, both as foreplay and as an accent to doggie-style sex. We’ve let it dwindle lately, which is silly, especially since I have an awesome paddle. More ass bruises, please!

5. Kiss somebody cute at #CrushTO.
I am an introvert. If I want to kiss someone, I have to put it on a list where I can check it off when it’s done, or it just won’t happen; I won’t have the motivation. So, here it is. I hope 2013 brings another giant game of tipsy Truth or Dare in a dark bar where everyone is sex-positive and in costume, and I hope for sweaty chemistry with some random stranger for a minute or two. Yesss.

What sexual things are you going to do in 2013?

My Sexual Wishlist

We all have those things that we’re a little embarrassed to have on our Amazon wishlists, incase mom and dad have a peek to see what to get us for our birthday. Here are a few of mine.

1. Jimmyjane Form 2 – Despite the fact that this toy has some mechanical issues, it’s also supposedly very strong and effective – and it’s Jimmyjane, so it’s luxurious as fuck. I’ve wanted this one pretty much since I discovered it existed.

2. Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit – I almost got this one when I was shopping for rabbits about a month ago, but then I read some reviews which said that the toy broke quickly and didn’t live up to expectations, so I bought a highly lauded Cal Exotics rabbit instead. Very much regretting my decision now. I mean, Jimmyjane’s toys come with a warranty, so if it broke, it could have been replaced. Hmm.

3. Lelo Siri – Is this the perfect clitoral stimulator to use during intercourse? Quite possibly. Every time I pick up this toy to examine it at a sex shop, I’m struck by just how small, portable, and adorable it is. And strong! I can so imagine this nestling between my body and my boyfriend’s while we go at it – and more importantly, I can imagine it actually getting me off in that situation, unlike a lot of distracting, weak toys I’ve tried.

4. Eroscillator – I think the wiring in my brain has been permanently shaped by all the time I spent listening to Sex Is Fun when I was 14. And part of that manifests as a pressing lust for the Eroscillator. It doesn’t vibrate, it oscillates – which means no nerve desensitization, which means I wouldn’t have to keep turning up the power constantly, and I wouldn’t have to worry about having subpar sex the next day. This toy is ugly as shit but I want it, dammit.

5. Impressions Love Paddle – I am, admittedly, one of those vanilla people who thinks she’s super awesome for occasionally venturing into mild BDSM territory. Whatever, man; I know I’m not the kinkiest person in the world, and I’m okay with that. But I bet I’d be even more okay with it if I had a gorgeous paddle like this, with which to get the word “LOVE” emblazoned onto my ass by my handsome lover.

6. Njoy Pure Wand – Many, many women have told stories of this being the first toy to allow them to squirt. Personally, I’m a bit mystified by the sight of it, but I’m sure that if I gave it a shot, I would succumb to its stainless steel charms.

7. Don Wands cobalt Bent Graduate – I am a fan of glass dildos. My first one was made of glass, and you always remember your first. This one looks like it would leave me panting and sweating… and it’s bright cobalt blue. Swoon.

8. Liberator Wedge – I always used to think that sex furniture was largely a waste of money, especially these Liberator shapes that look like you could achieve the same effect with a stack of pillows. But the thing is, I don’t always have a stack of pillows on hand, nor do I always want to take the 30+ seconds it takes to arrange pillows into a neat little pile that won’t topple when I lay my ass on it. I think the Wedge would be a great investment. Especially in this color. (Can you tell I love royal blue?)