spon

5 Things That Surprised Me About Camming

Kate Sloan

I haven’t done a lot of cam shows, but there was a period in my life where I was being paid to do them once or twice a month or so, and even had regular clients who would book my services again and again. It wasn’t my favorite way to make money, but it did indeed make money, and was certainly much better than some other gigs I could’ve taken, so it made sense to do it when the opportunity arose.

However, despite having long admired the work of cam performers (like those on AnaCams.com) as well as other online sex workers, there were things about camming that I just couldn’t have known until I was doing it myself. Here are a few of those things.

 

1. There sure are a lot of time-wasters.

This is a common complaint you’ll see if you follow any sex workers on social media, but I didn’t truly understand how annoying and disheartening these time-wasters are until I experienced them for myself.

A classic example is the person who, still to this day, sends me emails every so often, asking me what my rate would be for a cam show in which I’d wear “closed-toe business shoes” on camera. Every time this person emails me, I politely send them my rates, along with a note that if they have a specific style of shoe in mind that my current collection does not contain, they are welcome to buy me a pair and I’ll wear them during the show. And every single time, this person neglects to email me back, likely because (if my 15+ years of dealing with internet creeps have taught me anything) they are jerking off to the fantasy of what they have requested, but don’t get off as much on the actual follow-through. Sigh. Please don’t be like this person.

 

2. Cam show prices are variable.

As with many services, while there is a range of standard rates that clients may be more used to, there’s no rule that says you have to charge a standard rate. It’s all about managing supply versus demand and setting a price that doesn’t scare away too many clients but that also respects your time and labor.

Back then, I was always scared of overcharging, thinking that clients would see me as entitled or self-important if I charged “more than I was worth.” But many of these clients had sought me out because they liked me and me specifically, so I imagine they would have been willing to pay more than the relatively low amount I charged. These days I wouldn’t do a cam show for less than $300, but that’s because a) I don’t really like doing them that much and b) I know that it’s okay to set a rate that feels good and tell clients to take it or leave it, provided that I have the privilege (as I fortunately do) to be able to make ends meet either way.

 

3. Not everyone wants to see you do explicitly sexy stuff.

I had regulars who preferred, for example, to hear me tell stories about sex I’d had with other people. This makes sense, given that I tell sex stories for a living (albeit usually in other mediums) and would therefore tend to attract people who are into that.

I liked doing this type of show, because it didn’t require me to take my clothes off and touch myself for a stranger – something that I sometimes found fun but sometimes found terrifyingly vulnerable – and because it made me feel powerful to recount tales of being desired, pursued, and fucked, all while a stranger was paying me for the privilege of hearing these stories.

 

4. Sometimes it’s educational.

One of my favorite regulars was a newly-out-as-queer woman who wanted to learn more about how vulvas worked – anatomy, sexual responses, preferred types of stimulation, etc. Since I’m deeply passionate about sex education (and, arguably, much better at it than I am at being sexy on camera), I delighted in explaining this stuff to her, and was thrilled every time she booked another show.

These days I’d be interested in doing kink education or live sex toy reviews on cam, if someone paid me enough to make it worth my while. Edu-tainment at its finest!

 

5. Sometimes there’s orgasms.

I had initially assumed I would be faking a lot of my cam-show orgasms because I usually just can’t get off within a 15-minute window, especially if I’m aware of the proverbial clock ticking and I’m naked in front of a total stranger. Hello, anxiety!

But while I certainly did fake some orgasms during my shows (mainly in situations where the client had asked me to do something that definitely wasn’t gonna get me off, but there seemed to be an implicit expectation that it would), I also had many real ones on cam. This was particularly likely to happen if a client’s sole instruction was, “Do whatever feels good for you, and I’ll watch.” I’d grab my favorite toys du jour and go to town on myself. Sure, sometimes I had to totally tune out my surroundings and fill my head with fantasies in order to get there – but whenever I did, I was always proud of myself, and (naturally) left the session glowing with endorphins. Yay orgasms!

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bestvibe Glans 10 Vibration 3 Thrusting Cock Ring Anal Dildo

mb

Note from Kate: Here’s a toy review written by my spouse!

Which is better: being a jack of all trades, or a master of one? There’s a long-running debate in the business world about whether it’s more advantageous to be a career generalist or a specialist. There’s even a buzzword for people who do both: “T-shaped people.” Come to think of it, that sounds a little like the shape of a good butt plug, doesn’t it?

But when it comes to sex toys, most multifunction products disappoint me by doing everything just a bit worse than their single-purpose counterparts, and not making up for it in the combination of their features.

That was my biggest concern when last month, Kate asked me to review the Bestvibe Glans 10 Vibration 3 Thrusting Cock Ring Anal Dildo. That name – what a mouthful (assfull?)!

 

This toy styles itself a 4-in-1, which is a lot of trades to jack off, or rather, to be a jack of. It’s a butt plug, it’s a cock ring, it’s a thruster, and it’s a perineum stimulator – all things I frequently crave on their own but have never tried all at once. So, of course, I agreed to review it. I had to know what this toy would feel like; the combination of a thrusting plug and a cock ring was too hard to pass up.

The Bestvibe Glans (as I nicknamed it) is a 1.7″-thick, 4.5″-long, black silicone butt plug. It’s shaped like an idealized penis with a prominent head, textured neck, and prostate-targeting coronal ridge. The plug’s base extends 6.69 inches (nice) and ends in a 1.3” stretchy cock ring. The IPX6-waterproof toy arrives in a crinkly storage bag with a small battery-powered remote and USB charging cable. The plug takes around 2 hours to charge and can run for an hour or so straight.

Since this toy does four things, I’ll discuss them individually and how they work together.

 

Butt Plug

First and foremost, this toy is a butt plug. And as a butt plug, the Glans is stellar. Its soft silicone, manageable girth, pleasant weight, and flared base made it easy to insert and wear during play. Even covered in plenty of water-based lube, it stayed in place perfectly during my testing sessions, thanks to the rippled base and pronounced tip.

While the plug doesn’t have a prominent curve like an Aneros or Pfun for intense P-spotting, its glans gave my prostate plenty of pressure and pleasure when I squeezed around it, even before I turned the toy on.

 

Animation via Bestvibe

Thruster

But wait, it thrusts! Many of the best thrusters on the market are made for folks with vulvas, so I’ve long been envious of toys that do the thrusting for you, and this toy absolutely fucks.

After turning it on by holding the power button on the toy’s base or the included remote, the toy both vibrates and thrusts. Keyword: “both,” because there’s no way to disable thrusting while it vibrates, or to have it just thrust without the vibration. That’s A-okay with me because the two sensations feel amazing paired together.

As you tap the one button on the toy or the +/− buttons on the remote, the cock springs to life and cycles through its three thrusting speeds, topping out at 100 thrusts per minute. The plug telescopes 0.4” back and forth, which may not sound like a lot, but feels highly satisfying as you feel the base stimulate the anus while the head hits the P-spot. After a while, I could sense how the friction had excited both my prostate and my hole. The drag eventually led to a pleasurable heat that reminded me of getting fucked by a partner with a strap-on.

The downside here is the controls. The only way to change which vibration pattern you’re using is to also increase or decrease the thrusting speed. Independent controls for these two functions would have made it much easier and less frustrating to use. It sucks to loop all the way around and get fucked too fast or slow just to switch up the vibration.

 

Cock Ring

Oh, right, it’s also a cock ring. The ring has a 1.3” diameter with no adjustability other than stretch. While it’s impossible to make a cock ring that will fit all bodies, I think adjustability is important because dicks come in all shapes and sizes and even can vary in girth and firmness by the day.

I typically use cock rings for a few reasons: to increase the hardness and sensitivity of my erections, to make my orgasms stronger, and to last longer while penetrating. This cock ring worked well to increase sensitivity but wasn’t as good at boosting firmness as harder rings with tighter fits, and I don’t think it’d help me with stamina because of all that anal stimulation.

While the manufacturer suggests slipping the ring just around the base of the penis, I found I enjoyed it a lot more when I used it how I use most cock rings: around both the penis and the scrotum, which also helped with fit and comfort.

 

Perineum Stimulator

This t’aint it.

This toy’s claimed perineum stimulation amounts to a hilariously tiny section of the connecting silicone covered in a bumpy texture that theoretically rubs against your taint while the toy fucks you. In my testing, no matter how I wore the plug and ring, there was no way this was going to press my perineum, and even if it did, its texture and the vibrations that reached it were far too subtle to provide any noticeable stimulation. My perineum, and the prostate accessible through it, respond best to either deep pressure or sensual stroking, and these tiny ineffectual bumps provide neither. I wish they had just left them out.

 

It’s All Coming Together

The Bestvibe Glans is a great butt plug, a powerful anal thruster and vibrator, and a pretty good cock ring if it fits your dick. But it truly shines when those separate functions work in combination. The plug provides a feeling of fullness, the thruster/vibrator fucks your ass and rubs your P-spot, and as it does, the cock ring tugs on your junk to keep you hard and sensitive for additional stimulation. The blending of all those sensations made it very easy to make myself come with this toy without even needing to touch myself or penetrate anything with my dick, which can feel gender euphoric for me, in addition to just being a fun time.

In addition to trying this toy and having fast, intense orgasms with it as advertised, I also took it for a spin under the dominance of my Keyholder while locked in a chastity cage and forbidden to come. Neither of us was sure if the ring would fit around both the steel cock cage and my balls, but its stretchiness made that a breeze. If you’re into orgasm control and denial, it can be super fun to hand the remote of this toy to your dominant partner and let them fuck you with it while you can’t touch your cock. Not to mention all the other fantasies this toy could enable: a “threesome” where you’re fucked by a hard cock while you use yours to fuck another partner, a dominant who distracts you by remotely rubbing your prostate and keeping you erect while you orally service them, or even as a way to have strap-on sex while you’re all alone or away from your partner.

At less than $50 USD, I strongly recommend this toy to just about anyone with a prostate and a penis who likes them both stimulated simultaneously. The Bestvibe Glans taught me an important lesson: not all multifunction sex toys are bad, and even when their individual parts do have flaws, the combination of different sensations within one object can be a huge benefit all on its own. Fewer things to buy, charge, pack, clean, and coordinate during sex. If you’ll excuse me, I gotta put this thing back to work. I have, uhh, many different jobs for it to do.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning we were paid to write a fair and honest review of the product.

Review: Fun Factory Bootie Fem

Kate Sloan

Fun Factory is one of my all-time favorite sex toy companies. They make cute, colorful toys that generally perform very well, whether we’re talking about a rumbly G-spot vibrator, a harness-ready silicone dildo, or an innovative pulsator.

One of their most recent releases is the Bootie Fem, a butt plug. I’ve been testing it out over the past few weeks and am overall a fan, though I definitely have my quibbles with the product. Let’s talk about it!

 

What is the Fun Factory Bootie Fem?

Fun Factory has a line of “Bootie” butt plugs which I’ve recommended to beginners of all genders and anatomies for many years, because of their newbie-friendly shape and dimensions (depending, of course, on which size you go with). The Bootie Fem is a different product altogether, designed specifically to be worn by people with vaginas. (Could people who don’t have a vagina use it, though? Certainly!)

Its insertable length is 3.35 inches and its diameter tops out at 1.14 inches, so it’s appropriate for beginners but can also be enjoyed by users with more anal experience. (I’m somewhere in the middle – I usually use a butt plug a couple times a month or so, but don’t often do much anal play beyond that.)

 

Things I like about this toy

  • One of the design choices that makes this plug extra suitable for people with vulvas is its asymmetrical base. Butt plugs have to have a flared base in order to be safe to use, but too often, plug bases are too chunky and/or long and end up blocking my vagina so I can’t do double penetration if I want to. On that point, Fun Factory has succeeded here: one side of the base is shorter than the other (though still long enough to be safe to use), and you can orient the plug so that that side is closest to your vagina, minimizing any obstruction of your vaginal opening. Yay, more access to my holes!
  • On that note, the base is also slim and comfortable. I had no issue wearing this plug for a long time, whether sitting on the couch, lying in bed, or walking around. As long as I re-lubricated as needed (which isn’t necessary all that often if you’re using a thicker water-based lube, like my beloved Sutil Rich), it was comfortable for up to 2-3 hours of wear (I didn’t test it for longer sessions than that).
  • The plug stays in place well. I never found that it slipped out, twisted around, etc. like some other plugs can.
  • The dimensions are such that I don’t have to warm up for this toy but it’s still definitely noticeable when it’s inside me (in a good way). I still tend to prefer a slightly larger plug sometimes (my favorite, the medium Njoy Pure Plug, has a 1.25-inch diameter, while the Bootie Fem’s is 1.14 inches), but this one works well for days when my butt is being a little temperamental and I want to err on the side of small.
  • As with many butt plugs, I found that having this one in was helpful in boosting my arousal, and also intensified other sexual sensations, like masturbating clitorally or receiving oral sex. This has a lot to do with my being able to feel every muscular contraction more vividly, due to the presence of the plug.
  • I have mixed feelings on the tulip-esque shape of the plug’s tip (more on that later), but it was designed to act as a “lube channel” and it does a good job of that. Lube tends to stay where I put it, if applied to the tip of the toy. Granted, I’m going to spread it all over the rest of the toy almost immediately after that, because that’s what you gotta do with anal toys, but the tulip lips are helpful in those moments when I’ve still got an open lube bottle in one hand and the plug in the other, and I want to close the lube bottle and set it back down without needing to worry that lube will drip all over me.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • The name is poorly thought-out. I know naming sex toys isn’t easy, but 1) the Bootie Fem bears very little resemblance to the other Bootie plugs, aside from being a butt plug, and 2) the name implies that all people with vaginas (for whom the plug was designed) are female or feminine-presenting, which just isn’t the case. Trans men exist, non-binary people exist, intersex people exist, and on and on. It’s 2023; we don’t need to be doing this.
  • There’s a Fun Factory logo etched/inlaid into the side of the plug’s neck. There should ideally never be etching or other tiny divots/grooves/seams on the part of a toy that’ll be going inside you, because these design features are hard to clean, usually requiring a small scrub brush, which (realistically) most people are not gonna bust out every time they wash their toy. It could therefore become a breeding ground for bacteria or, at the very least, gross. This is also true of the groove that descends from the tulip tip on either side of the toy, though that’s easier to clean than the logo.
  • While the tulip-like tip of the plug is helpful when I’m applying lube, it’s not always super comfortable during insertion. There’s a reason butt plugs traditionally narrow to a single, slim, tapered tip: your sphincter muscles need insertion to be slow and gradual in order for them to relax and open up, so it makes sense to start with something small. The Bootie Fem’s “double-pronged” tip (for lack of a better word) can feel somewhat pokey and abrasive during insertion, a feeling which sometimes lingers uncomfortably for a few minutes.
  • There’s no particular curve to this toy. It’s supposed to be angled such that anything you insert vaginally (a dick, a dildo, etc.) will be pushed toward your G-spot by the pressure of the plug, but of course this only works if you are inserting something vaginally. I’m generally not, so I prefer a plug with a slight curve that can hit my G-spot through the vaginal wall.
  • I’m not particularly a fan of the colors the Bootie Fem is available in. The one I got is what Rosie Jones would call “sad purple,” and the other option available is a lighter purple.

 

Final thoughts

I’m always interested to see what new stuff Fun Factory’s come up with, and I’m glad to have the Bootie Fem in my collection because it can be tricky to find butt plugs that are comfortable, sized appropriately for my not-particularly-ambitious ass, and won’t block my vag.

However, this toy definitely has its issues – most pressingly, the odd shape, poor logo placement, and cissexist name. I still think the original Bootie can fulfill most people’s butt plug needs, though its logo is also placed in a location that makes no sense, hygiene-wise. But the original Booties at least taper to a single, slim tip, and have a curve that can hit your G-spot or prostate, as the case may be.

 

Thanks to Fun Factory for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 of My Favorite Sex Scenes in Movies

Kate Sloan

I’ve been a movie fanatic since I was a kid. My mom was an entertainment reporter for most of my childhood, so when other kids were playing pretend at daycare, I was seeing movies like Cast Away and Artificial Intelligence in theatres. (And quite possibly playing pretend on my own later, inspired by the stories I’d seen on screen.)

But while my mother’s focus in her media career was on entertainment, mine is on sex – and so, of course, I’m often captivated by sex scenes in movies and television. This has become even more true in the years since “intimacy coordinators” became common fixtures on film sets; sex scenes are all the more interesting now that I know someone has (in many cases) carefully choreographed them and helped the actors discover as much authenticity, intimacy and vulnerability as they are willing to bring to their roles.

There are websites like https://www.mrskin.com which compile screenshots galore of cinematic sex scenes, but many of these scenes are so seared into my brain that I don’t even have to look at pictures to remember exactly what happens. Let’s talk about some of my favorites.

Kissing Jessica Stein is one of my favorite queer flicks. It’s about a neurotic, ostensibly straight woman – the titular Jessica – who, after a string of romantic rejections and mishaps with men, impulsively responds to a newspaper personal ad… written by a woman. That woman is Helen, a feisty and brilliant art gallery manager who is also dabbling in bisexuality for the first time.

Beyond being a deeply funny and relatable story of sexual and romantic exploration, this movie has so much heart, and captures so well the thrill of pushing your own limits sexually. The sex scenes are some of the best scenes in the whole movie. One of them begins with Jessica showing up to their date with a bunch of educational pamphlets about lesbian sex – she’s been doing research! Helen has to talk her down, suggesting that they try it “the old-fashioned way” rather than jumping straight to strap-on gadgets and gizmos.

Both women are nervous about having sex with one another, especially Jessica – and so there’s a great montage where the two women gradually, over the course of several dates, work up to kissing with tongue, and then touching above the waist, and then touching below the waist, and so on. There’s a ton of good communication in these scenes, and they’re so funny and adorable. If only all queer newbies could have a first partner as patient and encouraging as Helen.

Moonstruck is a favorite of my mama’s, so I’ve seen it many, many times. If you’ve never seen it, mainly what you need to know is that it’s a rom-com starring Cher and Nicolas Cage. Intrigued yet? Yeah, you should be.

Nic’s character, Ronnie, is a burly caricature of toxic machismo with a sensitive underbelly. He also happens to be the brother of the man Cher’s character, Loretta, is engaged to, so there’s an added layer of forbiddenness, making it all the more hot when they get together.

In one of the hottest scenes, Loretta and Ronnie are arguing outside his apartment after a fancy date night at the opera, and he yells, “Now, I want you to come upstairs with me, and get in my bed!” In another scene, they’re in her kitchen and they’re arguing again (it’s a recurring theme) and Ronnie literally tips the whole kitchen table over in a flight of passion/rage, kisses Loretta passionately, and physically picks her up in his arms. “Where are you taking me?!” she shouts. “To the bed,” he replies. And he does. 🔥

Pretty Woman is a super problematic movie as far as its representation of sex work, but its two stars, Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, are so gorgeous that I can’t help but find it hot and charming.

My favorite sex scene in this movie is one where Julia’s character, a sex worker named Vivian, walks in on Richard’s character, a rich businessdude named Edward, playing the piano late at night in the hotel they’re staying at. She’s wearing nothing but a bathrobe, which he takes off of her in a slow, sensual way. And then, presumably, they fuck on top of the piano.

It’s because of this scene that having sex on a piano is on my bucket list, though I’m not sure that anyone who owns a grand piano would be willing to let me “borrow” it for this purpose!

Unfaithful is another Richard Gere movie… However, the sex scenes I’m most drawn to in this movie don’t involve him. It’s an erotic thriller about a middle-aged wife and mother, Connie (played by Diane Lane), who randomly meets a hot young Frenchman, Paul, when he tends to an injury she sustains on a dangerously windy day.

An affair begins, and before too long, Connie is routinely sneaking away from her husband Ed (played by Richard Gere) to see her loverboy. He’s a bookseller, and they have many tawdry encounters in his bed, surrounded by towering stacks of books. It’s all very, uh, literary.

In one particularly hot scene, Connie finds herself stuck having lunch with some other married women she knows from whatever suburban middle-class organizations she’s a part of, and Paul walks into the restaurant, surprising her. They both sneak away to the bathroom and fuck in one of the stalls. When Connie comes back out, her friend points out that her blouse is partially unbuttoned. Whoops.

Blue Valentine has a famous scene in which Ryan Gosling’s character, Dean, goes down on Michelle Williams’s character, Cindy, seemingly to the point of climax. While you can’t even see any genitals, this one scene caused the movie to be given an NC-17 rating, though it was later changed to an R rating after pushback from the distributors.

Many critics have noted that it’s likely the scene’s focus on female pleasure that earned it the more mature rating, and that this points out the inherent sexism still prevalent in many industries, including movie-making. But regardless of Hollywood politics, the scene itself is hot as fuck and I will admit I have jerked off to it many times!

 

What sex scenes in movies have you found the hottest and most memorable?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

So I Gave My First Footjob…

Kate Sloan
Sneakers by Converse, clogs by Lotta From Stockholm.

For reasons unknown, I’ve dated an above-average number of foot fetishists. I guess it makes sense if you consider that I mostly date other kinksters, and feet are one of the most common kinks. But when I think about the kind of person who would date multiple foot fetishists, I think about someone who has beautiful, soft, elegant feet, and I’ve never really thought of myself as that kind of person.

I think a lot of us grow up with feet-related insecurities, which may be part of why feet are fetishized so often. We worry about sweat, smells, dirtiness. We hide our feet away under socks and shoes much of the time, so that displaying them openly can feel almost as vulnerable as nudity. Still to this day, I feel weird in sandals, like I’m cosplaying as a type of girl I’ve never really been.

I’ve certainly never felt confident enough about my feet to want to model for fetish sites like Love Her Feet. But over the course of a few relationships with foot fetishists, I eventually got a little more comfortable taking foot pics when requested. (If you’re interested, I have an all-feet photo set available for purchase. That link is the only place on the internet where you can get sexy pictures of my feet!)

That being said, confidence in photos is a bit different from confidence in real life. When partners would want to do things like sniff my feet, massage them, or suck on my toes, I’d freeze up. Sometimes I’d enjoy these things when they would happen, but only if I was able to get over my near-paralyzing anxiety about it, which was rare.

Recently, my partner requested a footjob. They’ve requested one several times before but I’ve always felt too nervous to do it. I was worried not only about my feet but also about the contorted position I’d probably have to get into; I don’t have a lot of flexibility in my hips, knees or ankles due to my fibromyalgia, and a lot of the footjobs I’d seen in porn had involved someone’s legs being splayed wide open with their knees deeply bent to stroke a dick between their soles, a shape I knew my body just wouldn’t be able to get into. Hell, I can barely sit cross-legged on the floor for more than a few minutes before every joint below my waist starts throbbing with pain. On that note, I was also nervous about how I’d look while trying to bend myself into the right shape.

However, one of the skills I’ve picked up from therapy is being able to break down an anxiety-provoking situation to look more closely at the specific anxiety triggers it contains, in order to figure out if I can do anything about them. When I thought about each of the individual pieces of the puzzle that were fueling my footjob fears, I saw a few potential solutions, which could be used alone or in tandem:

  1. Get a pedicure prior to the footjob.
  2. Find a comfortable position that works for my body.
  3. Blindfold my partner so they can’t see what I’m doing.

I ended up doing the latter 2 things from this list. One night I had my partner lie on their back in bed and put a blindfold on. I laid on my side next to them and lubed up their dick and the sole of one of my feet. Then I bent my knee enough that my sole could rest on the underside of their dick and had just enough range of movement to slide up and down the length of it in a teasing manner.

And yes, my hip and knee joints started to ache after a few minutes, but I knew that wasn’t the end of the world. I kept up some low dirty talk in their ear while holding onto my leg with my arms, so that my arm muscles could take on some of the strain and give my leg a break. As the action crescendoed, at certain points I had to use my arms to physically move my leg up and down because my leg muscles and joints were just done. But, as often happens, the yummy neurochemicals of being in a sexy situation with a hot person were enough to make the pain mostly feel like part of the experience, rather than antithetical to it.

Eventually they came, and it was hot. I think I had them lick some of their own cum off my foot, possibly while still blindfolded. Overall, a positive experience – and one I definitely didn’t think I’d ever have, prior to being in this relationship.

The moral of the story is: In the realm of sex, as in other realms of life, you will encounter things that scare you but that seem worth doing anyway. Self-knowledge can be even more important than courage in these cases, because it is your knowledge of yourself, your body, and your brain that will enable you to approach the situation in a way that works for you. And when you do it your way, courage comes much more easily. Dip your toe in and see what happens.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.