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Mourning Twitter, a Hellsite for the Ages

Kate Sloan

I’ve been very depressed this last week, and I’d be lying if I said it had nothing to do with the imminent demise of Twitter as we knew it. There are other factors, of course, but Twitter is a big one.

It’s been hard explaining this to people whose brains aren’t as broken by Twitter as mine is. I’ve been a user of the site since 2007, when I was 15 years old. I have never been an adult in a world without Twitter, and never really considered the possibility that I would have to. So it’s disorienting, to say the least, that an inept and egomaniacal billionaire is dismantling the site I’ve long considered my digital home-away-from-home.

Don’t get me wrong: Twitter isn’t perfect and never has been. Abuse has always run rampant on it, including a lot of homophobic, biphobic, misogynist and antisemitic abuse, which has felt viscerally frightening to me as a queer Jewish woman. It’s been a hub for disinformation, doomscrolling, and unsettling DMs. It has enabled racists, excluded sex workers, and let hate speech abound unchecked. And that’s just listing a few of the things that were (and are) wrong with Twitter.

But it’s also the place where I met my spouse, and my best friend/podcast cohost, and several other good friends and past partners. It’s the place where I’ve connected with editors, clients, and sources. It’s the place where I’ve shared my silly thoughts, my hot takes, my pain, my fury, and my joy.

The linguist Gretchen McCulloch argues in her book Because Internet that sites such as Twitter are the digital equivalent of a hallway at a high school or in a college dorm; they’re a place where casual, ambient socializing happens – as opposed to socializing that you have to specifically seek out and plan – and they therefore allow you to connect with people you might never have met otherwise. This feels very true to me – where else but Twitter could I chat with Tokyo-based game designers, London escorts and Texan law professors about current events in the course of a single hour?

Twitter was also, notably, one of the more sexually permissive mainstream social media sites. True, I know many people who got shadowbanned or outright kicked off the service for posting about sex work or BDSM, but nudes and porn are specifically allowed on Twitter and that automatically made it feel like a more welcoming place for me and my sex-nerd pals than, say, Facebook or Instagram, where we still have to self-censor with bastardized “words” like “seggs” and “secks” just to keep our accounts up-and-running.

I also maintain that Twitter is one of the best dating sites for demisexuals like me, because it allows you to get to know someone through their words first and their face second (if at all). I have far more Twitter crushes than Instagram crushes (or even IRL crushes) because I crush on people’s brains first and foremost, and Twitter made it easier than any other site for me to connect with people whose brains made my own brain tingle.

I loved Twitter, despite its many shortcomings and mistakes. I won’t be jumping ship immediately, especially since self-promotion is a big part of how I stay afloat professionally/financially so I can’t afford to leave the place where my biggest platform is. But if you’d like to follow me elsewhere – which I’d really appreciate, since I love y’all – here’s where to keep up with me:

  • This blog, obviously. I’m more convinced than ever that maintaining a self-hosted personal blog is the way of the future, given how many social media websites keep betraying us.
  • I’m @girly_juice on Instagram and that’s where I’m most active aside from Twitter.
  • My newsletter, where I send out a little essay on love, sex, and other random topics every week to my premium subscribers (it’s $5/month or $50/year). If you can’t afford a premium subscription, you can still sign up as a free subscriber and you’ll get free dispatches from me a couple times a year or so.
  • On Mastodon, which some people think will be Twitter’s major replacement, I can be found at @girlyjuice@mastodon.social – go follow me!

I love you, I’m glad you’re here, and I’m trying to look forward to whatever comes next.

 

This post contains a sponsored link, ’cause a girl’s gotta eat. As ever, all writing and opinions are my own.

Can We Please Stop Inviting Freud Into Our Bedrooms?

Kate Sloan

There’s a debate in the sexual sphere that has raged for centuries, and that debate is: Are vaginal orgasms superior to clitoral orgasms? And further: Is everyone with a vagina capable of having vaginal orgasms, or are some of us “doomed” to only have clitoral orgasms – if that – as long as we live?

I find this debate annoying as hell, for three reasons:

  1. It shames a huge amount of people for the way they get off (or don’t get off), which we definitely don’t need more of.
  2. It implies that vulva-bearing bodies are something to be argued about and commentated on by others, when instead we could just listen to those people about how their own bodies work, since they’re the ones who would know.
  3. It’s largely the result of some theories Freud put forth in his day, and he was extremely wrong about a lot of stuff, not to mention frequently misogynist AF.

 

While I won’t deny that Freud was an important and influential figure in the psychology field, and that some of his ideas had merit, his thoughts on vaginal versus clitoral orgasms were utterly unhinged, and unsupported by any legitimate science I’m aware of. He wrote that part of a healthy transition to adulthood for (cis) women was unlearning the “phallic” desire for clitoral orgasms and instead starting to derive all their sexual pleasure from penetration. He believed that if someone remained “fixated” on having clitoral orgasms, it meant that they were repressed and “infantile.”

I suppose at the time, it would’ve been surprising for a stately male doctor to talk about female sexual pleasure at all – and certainly, his theories laid the groundwork for research that was done later on the G-spot and other sites of vaginal pleasure, hence the worldwide proliferation of A-spot dildos and G-spot vibrators, which I am definitely a fan of. (Freud was multilingual, and one wonders what he would’ve thought of these G-punkt-vibratoren and vibratori punto G if he’d been around to see them.)

Many theorists have also argued that the G-spot is part of the clitoris – its internal portion, which is much larger than what we see on the outside of the body – and that’s an interesting point that raises a lot of questions about how pleasure and orgasm function. But by and large, I think Freud really fucked us over with his thoughts on sexuality, especially those focused on the clitoris and vagina, and we’re still seeing the effects of that today.

See, anatomically speaking, the clitoris is analogous to the penis. This means that expecting someone to experience pleasure – let alone orgasm – from sex where their clit is completely ignored is every bit as unreasonable as expecting a person to get off without having their dick touched at all. It certainly happens, but only for a minority of people, plenty of whom still find it easier to come when, y’know, their main sexual pleasure organ is being stimulated.

Freud’s narrative of women “aging out of” clitoral orgasms and somehow magically starting to have vaginal orgasms instead is hyperfocused on heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex. He confabulated upon and romanticized his notion of what penetrative sex “should” be like – i.e. effortlessly, mutually pleasurable for both participants all on its own – instead of listening to people about what that type of sex actually felt like for them. And his views have persevered into a whole new millennium, with mainstream publications and doctors alike still debating clitoral orgasms as if there’s anything less real, less legitimate or less good about them.

 

I’d love if we could fully shift, as a culture, toward viewing the G-spot and other vaginal erogenous zones as being more akin to the prostate than the penis – since, anatomically and pleasure-wise, they are. Many people love prostate stimulation but still need some dick contact if orgasm’s gonna happen, and this is understood to be normal and expected. The same should be true for folks who require clit stimulation in order to get off, which is entirely normal (I’ve seen various studies estimate this is the case for around 70-90% of people with vulvas).

Of course, the main reason this fact hasn’t gained more traction in the dominant culture is that it forces cis men to contend with the fact that their dick alone isn’t a fantastical orgasm-administering magic wand. It requires them to give pleasure intentionally and effortfully, instead of just assuming it’ll happen as a byproduct of seeking their own direct pleasure through intercourse. A lot of people with vaginas have also absorbed this messaging, such that they may feel “broken” or “high-maintenance” for having entirely normal sexual anatomy and sexual desires. Imagine a cis guy guiltily asking his girlfriend, “Hey, I know we don’t really do this, but would you maybe wanna touch my dick sometime? I think it would feel good for me.” This, sadly, is an exact parallel of the situation many sexually active people with vaginas are in.

 

But we don’t have to keep perpetuating this paradigm that tells us our bodies are faulty and our desire for pleasure is annoying or immature. We can decide to look at sex in a new way, one that’s actually supported by science and the anecdotal observations of millions of people around the world. We can kick Freud out of our beds, shouting this message back through the centuries: Our pleasure matters, our pleasure is real, and we can and will pursue our pleasure on our own terms.

Review: Utimi Hands-Free Automatic Penis Pump

Kate Sloan

When my partner and I tested the Utimi hands-free automatic penis pump together for the first time over FaceTime, and we were trying to decide whether they should use the included cock ring with the pump or not, I said, “Well, how would you normally use a penis pump?” and they said, “I’ve never used one, so I wouldn’t know.” For some reason I had 100% assumed that they would have tried one at least once before, even though they didn’t actually own one before getting this one.

I think that’s just because I can’t imagine not having a clit pump in my sex toy arsenal. It does something that no other type of toy can really do. Sure, there are some toys which claim to be “clit suckers,” but those are actually using pressure-wave technology for the most part, which is different. I like that the clit pump almost forces me to become aroused – first physically, and then (if I’m in the right frame of mind) mentally – by engorging my clit with blood, essentially creating an artificial clitoral erection. Pressure-wave toys like Womanizer don’t typically do this, or at least not as consistently.

In much the same way, many pleasure-oriented “suction” products for penises do some sort of rhythmic contraction/intermittent tightening, which isn’t quite the same as what a penis pump provides: consistent, insistent suction over the entire length of the dick. The difference matters, because of the effects that can be achieved with each. Penis pumps aren’t necessarily pleasurable; they aren’t designed to be, in the way that some of those “blowjob simulator”-type toys are. Pumps are mostly used either for encouraging a nominal amount of penis growth over a long period of regular use (the effectiveness of which is debatable), or for addressing erectile dysfunction.

The way they work is, you put on a cock ring and then put a lubed-up pump on and start gradually pumping air out of it, which pulls blood into your dick – and since the blood is trapped in there by the ring around the base, this hopefully helps you achieve a boner even if you otherwise struggle to do so. Some experts even think that doing this regularly can increase your overall erection quality, whether or not you choose to use the pump before any given sex or masturbation session.

Though erectile dysfunction isn’t a problem they deal with, my partner was more than willing to test out the Utimi hands-free automatic penis pump so I could review it. Let’s talk about it.

 

 

What is the Utimi hands-free automatic penis pump?

Broadly speaking, there are two types of penis pumps: manual and electronic. The manual ones involve hand-pumping air, while the electronic (or “automatic”) types do the pumping for you, at the press of a button.

This Utimi pump is of the latter type; it’s a rechargeable electronic penis pump. Here are some of the things my partner and I like and dislike about it.

 

Gif via Utimi

Things I like about this toy:

  • I have to say, it fucking works. The gif to the left made me cackle out loud when I first saw it, because it’s so cartoonish and obviously fake, but when I actually saw my partner use this toy on FaceTime for the first time – starting from almost totally flaccid – the transformation was nearly as fast and as intense as the one pictured in this gif. This pump really does kind of conjure a boner out of thin air, and combined with a cock ring, that boner can have staying power. Good news for ED sufferers!
  • It’s nice that it comes with a cock ring, as well as a bottle of water-based lube. These are accessories that everyone should have on hand when using a penis pump, so it’s super convenient that they’re included.
  • The controls are simple, and easy to learn: there’s an on/off button that also functions as a “pause” button when short-pressed, as well as a “+” button, a “–” button, and a quick-release button.
  • The quick-release is manual, not electronic, as it should be – and it works. Never buy a penis pump where the pressure release has to be done electronically, as this could be very dangerous if the electronics fail mid-session for whatever reason.
  • There are measurements printed along the shaft of the pump, like a ruler. This is cool because it lets you see just how much your dick is actually growing, plus it could potentially be fun to use as part of a small penis humiliation scene or somesuch.
  • In addition to two soft endcaps that make the base of the pump more comfy when it’s pressed against your pubic mound, this pump also comes with another endcap designed to look like a vulva. There’s no texture or anything on the inside – this ain’t no Fleshlight – but it does provide a nice visual if you’re into pussies, and it’s also more cushioned than the other two endcaps, so it’d be a good pick if you find the pump’s edges too pokey around the base of your dick.
  • The components of the toy can be disassembled for easier cleaning. Everything except the motor component is water-resistant.

Things I don’t like about this toy:

  • I don’t feel able to say with 100% certainty that this pump is safe to use. I interviewed a penis pump expert for a piece I wrote for MEL a few months ago, and he said that pumps should always have a gauge which tells you how much pressure is being exerted at any given time, so that you can know for sure that you’re staying within a safe zone. This pump offers no way to monitor the pressure.
  • The pressure is also way too intense, even on the first of its four suction settings. My partner found it unpleasantly tight, and said it was “like a different version of CBT” (cock and ball torture). Each setting escalates, starting at a low amount of pressure and working its way up – and if you manage to press the pause button at the moment you’ve reached your ideal amount of pressure, you can keep it there, and then gradually increase it as needed by unpausing and then quickly pausing it again. But this level of manipulation really shouldn’t be necessary to achieve a safe and comfortable amount of pressure, and there should be less intense settings available to use.
  • The pussy endcap is made of TPE, a porous material, meaning it will eventually break down and will hold onto bacteria no matter how much you wash it. This isn’t typically as big of a deal for people with penises because they’re usually less prone to infections, etc. than vaginas are, but it’s worth knowing about, especially if you plan on sharing the toy.
  • Although Utimi emphasizes the toy’s transparentness as a selling point because it gives you a view of the dick inside, there’s a strange diamond pattern on some sections of the tube which obscures the dick visually. This seems unnecessary and I wish it were see-through all the way around.
  • The construction feels cheap – the motor end of the toy doesn’t screw onto the tube with threads, but rather, just stays in place due to tension from the tube, so it could easily fall apart mid-session. You could put it back together just fine, but it’s pretty annoying to even have to do that.

 

The toy’s controls

Final thoughts:

I don’t think the Utimi hands-free automatic penis pump is safe for most users, and especially not for beginners to pumping, because it gives you minimal control over how much pressure is being exerted, and doesn’t have a pressure gauge.

However, if you’re a pumping veteran and are good at paying attention to your body’s signals and knowing when to stop, you may be able to make use of the “pause” function on this toy to achieve your desired amount of suction without much effort. It’s also worth noting that electronic penis pumps are more accessible than manual ones for people who struggle to do the hand-pumping motion due to disability, strength issues, chronic pain, etc.

Utimi makes another penis pump that does have a pressure gauge on its LCD screen, so that might be a good option (and for some reason it’s actually cheaper than this one), but I haven’t tried it out so I can’t say for sure. But in general, especially for beginners, I’d recommend a manual penis pump with a non-digital pressure gauge, as these are safer to use and tend to give you more control over your experience.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Upko Invisible Mouth Gag

Kate Sloan

Many people enjoy the power imbalance and sense of vulnerability that can be created when one partner wears a gag during a kink scene, whether it be a ballgag, a bit gag, or some other type. But a common issue with gags is that – of course – your mouth isn’t really useable or fuckable while there’s a big piece of silicone shoved into it.

Various makers of BDSM gear have attempted to address this with inventive open-mouth gag designs, and some kinksters even repurpose Jennings gags, which help dentists keep patients’ mouths wide open during oral surgeries. But a brand called Upko took an approach to this problem that I’ve never seen before, by selling an “invisible” gag that simultaneously prevents you from talking and keeps your mouth agape and useable. Let’s talk about it.

Image via Upko

What is this gag and how does it work?

The Upko Invisible Mouth Gag comes in two main pieces, which attach at the back of the head via a strap.

Each piece features a rounded-off silicone wedge that you’re meant to bite down on, so that the gag mostly stays in place due to the pressure of your teeth. As a result, the middle of your mouth is left wide open.

 

You’re welcome for these extremely attractive photos 😇

A note on drool

In my experience, all gags promote drooling. I think this is due to the combination of having a foreign object in your mouth and no longer having the ability to swallow your spit as much or as easily.

A lot of people get nervous about wearing gags because they’re embarrassed at the thought of drooling profusely. However, if your partner is into the idea of you wearing a gag, odds are good that they’re also into the idea of you drooling. A lot of the kinky pleasure of using gags is about the vulnerability they create in the wearer, which can (optionally) tie into kinks like humiliation and objectification. For many doms, it’s super hot to see their sub drooling uncontrollably with a gag in. If you’re not sure how your partner feels about drooling during sex/kink, ask them – you might be surprised at what they say!

For similar reasons, you probably don’t need to worry about looking weird/ugly while wearing a gag. Like, yes, it’s not the most flattering look by conventional beauty standards, but plenty of kinksters aren’t that interested in conventional beauty standards anyway, as evidenced by how many doms adore the appearance of smeared lipstick, ruined mascara, ripped tights, etc. during scenes. You’ll enjoy yourself more while wearing a gag if you can accept that looking pretty is not the point – or that maybe looking vulnerable and subby is looking pretty, in the eyes of your dom.

 

Things I like about this gag

  • While we’re talking about drool: I drool a lot with this gag in. I think the open-mouth design makes it much easier for drool to spill out, which my partner finds hot.
  • The gag is relatively comfortable during use, which I wasn’t expecting. I find it less invasive and unsettling to bite down on a gag with my teeth than to have it shoved far back on my tongue, which tends to make me gag in the not-fun way. It doesn’t hurt my teeth, either, because the silicone you’re biting into is very squishy.
  • With this gag in, my mouth is indeed open wide enough that I can get face-fucked or give oral sex, especially if I bite down on the gag with my very back teeth. I wasn’t able to continue a blowjob “to completion” with the gag in, though, because it eventually got uncomfortable and made me feel like I was gonna puke (which, to be fair, would probably happen with any gag), so I just took it out to finish the job.
  • I really like the idea of this gag, having never really seen a design quite like it. Since the effectiveness and comfort of a gag really depend on your specific mouth and what it can handle, it’s good that there are plenty of different gag styles out there for different people to experiment with. If ballgags and bit gags have been untenably uncomfortable for you, it’s possible that this style of gag would work better.
  • The back strap is adjustable, with 8 different tightnesses to choose from, so this gag should fit a broad range of head sizes and tightness preferences.
  • I like that the part that goes in your mouth is made of silicone. Rubber gags, which are still sadly pretty common, are porous, meaning that they hold onto any bacteria that gets into their pores and can never be fully cleaned. Obviously, this really isn’t ideal for something that goes into your mouth, especially since the bacteria build-up can also lead to weird tastes and smells. All of that is avoided when the gag is made of silicone, as this one is, because silicone is non-porous and you can wash it and/or sanitize it in the same ways you’d clean any other silicone sex toy (just make sure to separate the silicone parts from the leather parts first).
  • The aesthetic is classic and cute. Red, black, and gold is a color combo that reminds me (regrettably) of Christian Grey, but I have to admit it looks good and would match a lot of people’s bedroom decor and plenty of other bondage equipment.
  • This gag is small and slim compared to a traditional ballgag, so it might be better for tossing into a suitcase or purse for on-the-go kink play (and might not be as immediately recognizable as a gag to nosy relatives or TSA agents).
  • My only other association with biting down on a squishy-but-firm object that keeps my mouth open is being at the dentist, so I can see how this gag would work excellently for dentistry-related roleplays. (Horny dentist taking advantage of their innocent patient, anyone?)
  • It’s really, really easy for the person wearing the gag to just spit it out or let it fall out if they want to. This can be a good thing if you’re a beginner and/or nervous about using a gag, because you can un-gag yourself quickly and without assistance if you need to.

 

Things I don’t like about this gag

  • As mentioned above, it’s very easy for the wearer to spit the gag out or let it fall out at any time, which you might not appreciate if you’re into gagging that feels forced or inescapable. The gag also fell out accidentally a few times while I was testing it, which was annoying, as we had to pause the scene to put it back in, and would’ve had to go rinse it off if it had fallen on the floor.
  • For some unfathomable reason, the parts of the gag that you actually bite down on can be separated from the long pieces of silicone attaching them to the straps. This strikes me as a choking hazard, since – if you bit down hard enough and tugged on the gag straps at just the right angle – the parts could separate and then you’d have a big piece of silicone just… loose in your mouth. For that reason, this gag doesn’t feel super safe to me and I would be hesitant to use it during any kind of rough play.
  • When I gave my partner oral sex while this gag was in, they reported that it didn’t feel as good as usual because I couldn’t apply as much suction and my teeth were more in the way than they might normally be. The visual of my drooly gagged mouth made up for these deficits for them, though – and also, their dick is pretty girthy, so I think small-to-average penises would have an easier time fitting into the mouth of someone wearing this gag.
  • The instructions that come with the gag are minimal and poorly written. Since its design is unusual, I think clearer instruction is warranted. There’s also no safety info in the instructions, other than a warning that you should agree on a safe-signal (a non-verbal safeword) before you start. That’s good advice, but given that gags are risky to use and this one is especially so, it’s worrisome that there are no other safety warnings/tips in the instructions.
  • While Upko assures me that the straps are made of real Italian leather – and actually produced importation documents to prove it – the leather doesn’t feel as buttery-soft and high-quality as some of my nicer leather kink gear (for example, anything made by Aslan Leather). But it’s still nice that it’s actual leather.
  • I don’t think this product should cost $79.99, which is its current retail price on the Upko website. For comparison, a couple of other silicone gags I enjoy – the Zalo red rose one and the Unbound Bit – go for $65 and $39, respectively, and are better-constructed than this one. Personally I wouldn’t pay more than $40 for a gag like this.

 

Final thoughts

While the Upko Invisible Mouth Gag is beautiful and is certainly different from any other gag in my collection, I think it’s way too expensive and kind of a safety hazard. I’d only recommend it if you love its design and/or think it would be comfier for you than traditional gag styles. Or if you want to do a dentistry roleplay, in which case, open wide and say “aaah!”

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

People Can Dress Slutty If They Want to, Dammit

Kate Sloan

I was interested in fashion from a young age, and so I started reading fashion magazines in my early teens or perhaps even before that. There’s a lot of positive stuff I took away from those mags – including the overall sense of feeling justified in caring about clothes, because so many other people evidently did too – but I think that consuming that type of media at such a young age also kicked off a lot of insecurities for me.

And frankly, it may not even matter that much what age you are when you read fashion magazines. One of the first pieces of advice I give to people who ask me how they can develop more body confidence is to immediately stop consuming media that is critical of people’s bodies, and lord knows fashion magazines are included in that category. Even the well-intentioned ones use coded terms like “flattering” when they mean “makes you look thinner,” or “professional” when they mean “helps you meet the sexist, racist and ableist standards of the hegemonic class.” Truly, it’s astonishing how much ideological garbage you have to wade through just to find info about what denim silhouettes are trending or which up-and-coming shoe designers to check out.

But what I want to talk about today is whorephobia and slut-shaming in fashion, which sadly seem to be nearly as rampant now as they were 20ish years ago when I picked up my first issues of Seventeen, CosmoGirl and Teen Vogue. People still talk about “dressing slutty” or “showing too much skin” as if they were mortal sins, even people who really ought to know better. It’s fucking bullshit. Here are a few of the many reasons why.

 

Reason #1: Who cares?

Sure, there are situations in which showing off large swathes of your body could be inappropriate or get you in trouble. I can understand, for example, why you might not want your young child to wear a miniskirt so short that she could unintentionally flash people, or why it would be inappropriate to wear a bikini to a funeral (most funerals, anyway).

But assuming we’re talking about a grown adult who isn’t beholden to a strict work dress code or attending a particularly buttoned-up event, I repeat: WHO CARES? It very likely isn’t affecting you or your life in any way, and if it is, I’d invite you to consider that maybe that’s a “you problem” and not a “them problem.”

I’m truly saying this with love and compassion: if you find yourself so concerned about how other people dress that it is regularly making you feel angry, indignant, sad, or otherwise upset, you have probably stumbled across some deeper issues within yourself that therapy could help you unpack and address. It has been my experience that people who make comments on what I wear are moreso commenting on their own feelings, hangups, prejudices and/or traumas around apparel and self-presentation, even if they’re not totally aware of that at the time.

 

Reason #2: Damn, your whorephobia is showing

A brief note on terminology: Slut-shaming and whorephobia are two related but separate concepts. Slut-shaming is judging, insulting or otherwise shaming someone for behaviors you deem slutty or sexually “immodest,” which could be anything from hosting a 30-guy gangbang to having a bra strap visible at church. Whorephobia is prejudice and discrimination against actual sex workers (and sometimes, against people who are perceived as acting or dressing like sex workers, whatever that means).

A lot of commentary on “revealing” clothing is deeply based in slut-shaming and whorephobia, which themselves have a lot of DNA in common with misogyny, racism, classism, homophobia and transphobia. You aren’t being smart or morally righteous when you tell people they’re dressing too sluttily; you’re just being a bigot.

Plus, oddly enough, a lot of people who make this argument are basing their notion of how sex workers dress on outdated media portrayals like Pretty Woman. A quick glance through online sex worker directories like London Deluxe can show you that folks in that line of work dress in all sorts of different ways. Negative stereotypes about sex workers literally contribute to the rates of violence and murder perpetrated against them, as well as the legal hurdles they’re forced to face (such as the laws known as SESTA/FOSTA). Again, whorephobia isn’t cool or smart or progressive. It’s just gross, dangerous and ignorant.

 

Reason #3: People should be able to wear whatever the fuck they want

Bodily autonomy is a huge component of my personal ethical framework, and I consider clothing and other self-presentation choices to be part of that. When people choose to “dress slutty,” they do so for a myriad of reasons that may or may not be visible to an outside observer, including anything from making a political statement to alleviating gender dysphoria to reclaiming their body after an eating disorder or sexual trauma.

But people shouldn’t need a “good reason” to dress how they want to dress. They should just be able to do it.

I always find it hilarious when random people make critical comments about what I wear, because I just cannot fathom believing my opinion mattered that much, especially to a total stranger. While I used to be much quicker to jump to judgment when I was younger, at this point the most I’ll react to seeing a revealing outfit is to think “Good for them!” or maybe, if it’s chilly out, “Aren’t they cold?” My opinion of their outfit could not be further from the point.

What I really want is a world where – in the area of fashion and in every other area – we are all able to accept each other’s harmless personal choices and even celebrate them, instead of judging them. When we perpetuate whorephobia and slut-shaming, we’re perpetuating centuries-old systems of oppression and discrimination – and personally, I don’t think there’s a miniskirt short enough in the entire world to justify that.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.