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Review: Lovegasm Multispeed Tongue Vibrator

Kate Sloan

I keep reviewing different cunnilingus simulators – can’t stop, won’t stop, baby! – because I’m always looking for that holy grail: an oral-inspired toy that actually feels like oral.

It’s hard to find, partly because the textures of a tongue and lips are difficult to replicate, partly because mouths are self-lubricating and toys are not, and partly because the motions involved in good head are deceptively complex, compared to what a toy can do. Licking, sucking, adapting to fluctuating levels of arousal and sensitivity – many toys can do one of these things effectively, but I’ve yet to come across (or come on) a toy that really nails the varied sensations of good cunnilingus.

But the Lovegasm Multispeed Tongue Vibrator looked like it might be a viable contender, so I was excited to test it out. Let’s discuss.

 

Pictured with thighs & tattoo, for scale

What is the Lovegasm Multispeed Tongue Vibrator and what does it do?

Sent to me by the folks at Lovegasm, the Multispeed Tongue Vibrator is large – just over 12 inches from end to end. The reason the toy needs to be so big is that its makers have crammed several different functions into one toy, to make what is essentially a genital-safe Swiss army knife. (It’s, um, not sharp, though. And doesn’t have a bottle opener on it, as far as I know. Maybe this was an unwise metaphor to choose…)

At one end of the toy is a “mouth,” consisting of a silicone tongue that moves up and down, inside of what is colloquially known as a “pussy pump,” i.e. a plastic cone that generates suction on the clit and labia. The tongue has a pre-warming function as well, to lend it more realism. In theory this reproduces the sensations that a tongue and lips working in tandem can provide.

On the other side of the toy is essentially a rabbit vibe: a dual-stimulation toy with a penetrative part and an external clitoral part, both of which vibrate. It feels incorrect to call this toy a two-for-one, because really it’s more like a four-for-one!

 

dat tongue tho

Things I like about this toy

  • I think it’s a really cool idea, considering that a lot of people like to receive oral sex as “foreplay” for penetrative sex, and this toy can provide both. In my testing sessions I was always glad to have a penetrative object at the ready, on the other side of the toy, once I got worked up enough from the “mouth” to want something inside me.
  • The combo of suction and tongue-flicking felt really good, once I had lubed the entire area and found an optimal position for the toy. The suction is rhythmic, rather than being steady, which creates an effect that feels more like an actual human sucking on my clit, while the tongue gently flicks against the tip or underside of my clit (depending on how it’s positioned). There was one testing session when I had planned to test several other toys after this one and actually started to bargain with myself about why I didn’t need to test any other toys and could instead get off from this one, because it felt that good 😂
  • As with many well-designed suction toys, this one is quite effective at encouraging bloodflow to my clit/vulva, prompting physical arousal which can easily translate into mental arousal too. I could see this being a good “foreplay” toy to generate arousal toward the start of a masturbation/sex session.
  • A lot of clit-focused toys end up feeling too intense for me because they target the head of my clit, rather than where I prefer to be stimulated (the clitoral hood area, for a more indirect sensation), but I had success moving this one around to find a position that worked for me. This was also great because I was able to move it further toward the tip of my clit as I got more turned on (but had to momentarily disengage the suction function in order to do this, because otherwise it would have been suctioned onto me and thus hard to move).
  • The internal part of the rabbit-vibe end of the toy is long enough to hit my A-spot and has a nice curve that lets it arc right up into that spot. It feels pleasurable when thrusted against that spot.
  • While the buttons’ placement and lack of labeling are confusing (more on that below), each button lights up with a different color when its function is enabled, which makes it easier to (eventually) tell them apart and remember which button does what.
  • The pump part of the toy can be removed for easier cleaning between uses.
  • The toy comes with another pump cylinder that you can swap in; it has a flat rim, as opposed to the vaguely vulva-shaped rim of the original cylinder, and is meant to be used on breasts/nipples, which is cool. This toy’s commitment to having multiple different uses is unparalleled.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Ultimately I just didn’t find any part of this toy stimulating enough to get me off (though the mouth felt, at times, like it could get me off, on a highly sensitive day). The pump’s suction didn’t have a consistent enough rhythm, the tongue didn’t deliver strong enough stimulation, and the vibrations in the rabbit-vibe part of the toy are so hilariously weak, buzzy, and buried that they’re almost imperceptible on lower settings and just kinda “meh” on higher settings.
  • The buttons are not marked/labeled in any way. With some vibes this would be acceptable, but this one has several different functions and four different buttons, none of which are placed in a particularly intuitive way. I had to keep referring to the instruction manual to figure out which was which (so don’t toss your manual!) and ended up hitting the wrong buttons several times anyway.
  • When I’m using the “mouth” side of the toy, the buttons are facing away from me, unless I flip it around and hold it in a way that feels awkward and un-ergonomic. Since (as discussed above) the buttons are hard to tell apart even when I’m looking at them, this makes it almost impossible to change settings during use – something I do a lot of, since “close-to-orgasm” me has very different preferences and needs, stimulation-wise, than “barely-aroused” me.
  • The amount of suction produced by the higher settings of the sucking function is sometimes kinda scary. I don’t have the medical background to know whether it’s actually dangerous, but it’s a lot, and there’s no quick-release mechanism. Suction toys should always have a non-electronic quick-release button in case of malfunctions or emergencies, etc.
  • I prefer clit-focused suction rather than full-vulva suction. That’s just a personal preference. The pump on this toy is sliiiightly too big for me to position between my outer labia to allow for a more clit-centric sensation.
  • The tongue actually slows down when you press the button that ought to make it speed up. I found this infuriating when I was on the precipice of potentially coming.
  • The clitoral arm on the rabbit-vibe end of the toy is too short for my anatomy. When I get that arm into a pleasurable position on my clit, it throws off the angle of the internal portion so that that’s no longer pleasurable, and vice-versa. This could be solved with a longer and more flexible clitoral arm.
  • The mouth part of the toy is loud and distracting. The suction function sounds like a robotic truck backing up and the tongue function sounds like a shopping cart that needs its wheels oiled. The rabbit vibe portion of the toy is very quiet, though.
  • As with most toys involving suction and/or a tongue-like object, this one requires a lot of lube to feel good – not just on my clit but on my entire vulva. Could be an issue if you’re on a budget and/or just have limited access to lube.
  • The tongue’s heating function takes 3 minutes to work, during which time you can’t use any of the toy’s other functions. This is fine if you have the time and patience to let the toy sit there for 3 minutes while you do other stuff (like perhaps watch porn, read erotica, or touch yourself with your hand), but otherwise kind of annoying. It also barely works; the tongue just gets mildly warm, not even as warm as it would get from a few minutes of being pressed against my genitals.

Final thoughts

I really wanted to like the Lovegasm Multispeed Tongue Vibrator, because I think its concept is interesting and I haven’t seen many toy companies attempt to combine suction with tongue-like flicking in one toy, for a more holistic oral-like experience.

However, in execution, this toy could really use some work. When it comes to sex toy design, usually it’s best to focus on doing one or two things really well – and instead, this toy tried to do 4-5 things well and ultimately all of them are kind of mediocre. Not to mention, the ergonomics and controls of this toy are somewhat inscrutable and highly distracting during use.

Lovegasm carries lots of other vibrators and suction-based vulva toys that are worth checking out, especially if you’re in search of an oral sex simulator, as many of them have tongue-like features and/or combine suction with vibration. But this one just didn’t work for me, although at several points during testing, I felt hopeful that it might.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Can Demisexuals Enjoy Porn?

Kate Sloan
A blurry still from a porn scene I once performed in for Spit

One of the most striking changes in my sexuality as I’ve grown older is how much more demisexual I’ve gotten. I went from being a horny, flirty 23-year-old who could spot my next fuck from across a crowded swimming pool, to being a grizzled, grumpy 30-year-old who needs to have a 3-hour conversation with someone before deciding whether she wants to hold their hand. (That’s a slight exaggeration… maybe…)

I’ve seen the question of demisexuals’ porn consumption come up in a few of the online sex discussion spaces I participate in, and I think it’s an interesting one. If the primary purpose of pornography is to arouse the viewer, and the viewer is someone who is far more aroused by brains than bodies, and far more interested in intimacy than insertions, can porn really do its job? I have a few points I’d like to make in response to this question.

Quick refresher before we hop in: Demisexuality is an identity on the asexuality spectrum. Demisexuals find it difficult or impossible to experience sexual attraction until and unless they’ve developed an emotional connection to, or at least an emotional familiarity with, the subject of that attraction.

 

Point 1: Sexual attraction and sexual arousal are not the same thing.

Sexual attraction, generally speaking, is the visceral pull you feel toward someone you want to kiss, touch, and/or fuck. It is aimed at particular people; if someone said to me, “Do you feel like having sex right now?” my answer would be rather different than if someone said to me, “Do you feel like having sex with James Dean circa 1955 right now?” (My answers at the moment, respectively, are “Ehh, not really, ask me again after I’ve had my coffee” and “OMG, yes, give me 10 minutes to throw on some red lipstick for him to mess up.”)

Sexual arousal, on the other hand, is the physical (and, arguably, also mental) state of being horny. It can involve noticeable changes in your physiology, like engorged genital tissue and a quickening heartbeat, as well as more psychological effects, like the pressing desire to be imminently touched by yourself and/or by someone else.

These two things are different. Certainly one can facilitate the other – and for many demisexuals, sexual attraction precedes sexual arousal and is itself preceded by emotional attraction – but fundamentally, they are separate, and don’t always occur at the same time, in the same situations.

Without trying to speak for other demisexuals on this matter, I’ll say that I can become sexually aroused by porn without feeling sexually attracted to the people in it. It certainly helps if I’m attracted to the people in it (more on that below), but just witnessing certain sexual acts can rev me up, especially if they’re acts I’m already intimately familiar with and/or acts I already fetishize to some extent. And so, yes, I can jerk off to porn, and often find that it adds measurably to my arousal and pleasure, just as it does for many allosexual people (i.e. people who are not on the asexual spectrum).

 

Point 2: Porn can become familiar.

In an age of OnlyFans feeds and live sex cams, it’s easier than ever to follow the careers of porn performers you enjoy. Whether you become a fan of theirs because you think they’re cute, because they remind you of someone you used to date, or because your favorite sex acts and kinks are fairly aligned with theirs (or all three!), you can definitely develop an “emotional connection” – albeit a one-sided, parasocial one – to certain performers over time.

This noticeably increases my enjoyment of porn, as a demisexual person. Of the porn performers whose work I follow closely, what they all have in common is that there’s a lot of personality infused into their work, so that I get a sense of who they are (or at least, who their porn persona is) on a deeper level than I would if I’d just watched them get fucked once. This creates a sense of heightened connection and therefore generates heightened sexual attraction on my end.

I’ve noticed that this effect can also occur even if I’ve just seen a particular porn clip several times. It’s like the raunchier version of how I feel more attracted to Jennifer Beals every time I re-watch one of her sex scenes from The L Word…

If you’re not sure where to even find porn performers you might develop a fondness for, I’d suggest scrolling through clip sites like ManyVids, or flipping through the pages of free adult webcams listings, and clicking on anyone whose aesthetic or vibe provokes a positive response in you. Follow that little glimmer of potential attraction and see where it leads you.

 

Point 3: You can make porn that’s familiar.

Now, granted, not everyone wants to set up a camera to film themselves while fucking. You may have concerns about this related to cybersecurity, future employment, etc. and that’s fine.

But if you are willing to make your own porn, I think this can be one of the best solutions for demisexuals who want wank fodder but don’t connect with much/any of the porn they see online. After all, what could be more demisexual than jerking off to the sight of a person you know IRL and already have a deep connection with?

I’ve made amateur porn with a few partners over the years, and it’s always served me well when incorporated into my spank bank. It reminds me of hot sex I’ve had, because it depicts… hot sex I’ve actually had! And it’s therefore a lot easier for me to get turned on by it and get off to it.

 

Fellow demisexuals, what’s your experience with porn? Does it turn you on? Bore you? Or does it depend?

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Whimsical Toys at Wacky Prices: Fun Factory’s Cyber Monday Deals!

Kate Sloan
All images via Fun Factory

Sometimes people say that they feel like “a kid in a candy store” the first time they enter a sex shop, and I’ve never felt that more strongly than I do about Fun Factory toys.

I mean, look at them. They’re colorful, playful and evocative. They’re the very essence of whimsy, in shapes you can fuck yourself with. They’re what would happen if Willy Wonka designed a line of sex products. (Insert “everlasting cocksucker” joke here.)

It may seem extraneous to comment on a toy’s appearance, when (as I’ve said myself in many of my toy reviews) the way it feels is ultimately way more important. But that’s the best part about Fun Factory: their toys look cute and feel fantastic. This combination is alarmingly hard to find in the sex toy biz. And because the Fun Factory aesthetic is so friendly, bright and (yep) fun, I think these toys are especially wonderful picks for people who are often put off by the way sex toys look, whether because they’re grossed out by veiny dildos, intimidated by heavy-handed Fifty Shades-inspired products, or gender-dysphoric about pastel pinks and purples. Fun Factory has the guts to make strange-looking toys galore in shades of lime green, atomic orange, lemon yellow, and many more.

I’m writing this post because the company wanted me to tell you about their Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals, which are just stellar this year. Here are the deets:

  • Toys on Fun Factory’s website are up to 60% off right now. Check below for my recommendations, but trust me, these are great deals regardless of what you decide to get. ✨
  • You’ll get a free mini vibrator with any purchase of $120 or more. So you’re getting, quite literally, more bang for your buck. 😍
  • You’ll get store credit to spend on a later order: $25 when you spend $125, $45 when you spend $175, and $65 when you spend $225 or more. I love when stores do this close to the holidays, because it means you can selflessly buy gifts for your loved ones now, and then selfishly get some extra cash to spend on yourself later. 😎

What’s worth getting from Fun Factory? Honestly, a lot of things. But here are my top recommendations at the moment:

  • The Stronic Petite ($112.49 with the current sale) is my latest love. Fun Factory’s self-thrusting Stronic toys are much-loved but are all on the larger side, so I was glad that the brand decided to release a smaller version of their signature thrusters. It’s aimed at folks going through menopause, who might find its 1.38″ max diameter more comfortable, but really it’s suitable for anyone who wants a thruster but can’t handle a ton of girth. (Keep in mind, though, that it’s not anal-safe.)
  • The Manta ($104.99) is one of my favorite penis vibes, and is super fun to use on a partner (or, I would imagine, on oneself). It’s rare to find a vibe as perfectly suited for penile pleasure as this one is; its silicone wings wrap around your shaft, regardless of size, and add some delicious vibration to whatever else you’re doing – or you can even use this toy by itself, concentrating the vibrations on your frenulum or wherever else feels good.
  • The Magnum dildo ($44.99) is an all-around excellent dildo that works well for lots of different purposes, from solo sex to strap-on play to bathtime fun. It’s got a small-to-average diameter, maxing out at 1.26″, and a longer-than-average length (6.69″ insertable – nice), so it’s comfortable to use in many different positions and holes. Its angled head makes it feel lovely against the G-spot or prostate, too.
  • The Bootie ($26.24) is an ideal butt plug for anal newbies. It’s small, comfortably shaped, easy to insert and remove, and made of silicone that flexes and bends with your body. I used to suggest it several times a week to would-be anal lovers when they would come into the sex shop I worked at, asking for recommendations.
  • The Big Boss ($104.99) is a must-have for people who like a lot of sensation. It packs powerfully rumbly vibrations into its overwhelmingly girthy body, such that your G-spot won’t be able to elude it. I love the looped handle, too, as someone who struggles at times to thrust toys as hard and as fast as my greedy G-spot would prefer.

 

Check out the Fun Factory Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals for yourself, and see whether there’s something you’d like to get for a friend, partner, or just to add to your own collection!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Mourning Twitter, a Hellsite for the Ages

Kate Sloan

I’ve been very depressed this last week, and I’d be lying if I said it had nothing to do with the imminent demise of Twitter as we knew it. There are other factors, of course, but Twitter is a big one.

It’s been hard explaining this to people whose brains aren’t as broken by Twitter as mine is. I’ve been a user of the site since 2007, when I was 15 years old. I have never been an adult in a world without Twitter, and never really considered the possibility that I would have to. So it’s disorienting, to say the least, that an inept and egomaniacal billionaire is dismantling the site I’ve long considered my digital home-away-from-home.

Don’t get me wrong: Twitter isn’t perfect and never has been. Abuse has always run rampant on it, including a lot of homophobic, biphobic, misogynist and antisemitic abuse, which has felt viscerally frightening to me as a queer Jewish woman. It’s been a hub for disinformation, doomscrolling, and unsettling DMs. It has enabled racists, excluded sex workers, and let hate speech abound unchecked. And that’s just listing a few of the things that were (and are) wrong with Twitter.

But it’s also the place where I met my spouse, and my best friend/podcast cohost, and several other good friends and past partners. It’s the place where I’ve connected with editors, clients, and sources. It’s the place where I’ve shared my silly thoughts, my hot takes, my pain, my fury, and my joy.

The linguist Gretchen McCulloch argues in her book Because Internet that sites such as Twitter are the digital equivalent of a hallway at a high school or in a college dorm; they’re a place where casual, ambient socializing happens – as opposed to socializing that you have to specifically seek out and plan – and they therefore allow you to connect with people you might never have met otherwise. This feels very true to me – where else but Twitter could I chat with Tokyo-based game designers, London escorts and Texan law professors about current events in the course of a single hour?

Twitter was also, notably, one of the more sexually permissive mainstream social media sites. True, I know many people who got shadowbanned or outright kicked off the service for posting about sex work or BDSM, but nudes and porn are specifically allowed on Twitter and that automatically made it feel like a more welcoming place for me and my sex-nerd pals than, say, Facebook or Instagram, where we still have to self-censor with bastardized “words” like “seggs” and “secks” just to keep our accounts up-and-running.

I also maintain that Twitter is one of the best dating sites for demisexuals like me, because it allows you to get to know someone through their words first and their face second (if at all). I have far more Twitter crushes than Instagram crushes (or even IRL crushes) because I crush on people’s brains first and foremost, and Twitter made it easier than any other site for me to connect with people whose brains made my own brain tingle.

I loved Twitter, despite its many shortcomings and mistakes. I won’t be jumping ship immediately, especially since self-promotion is a big part of how I stay afloat professionally/financially so I can’t afford to leave the place where my biggest platform is. But if you’d like to follow me elsewhere – which I’d really appreciate, since I love y’all – here’s where to keep up with me:

  • This blog, obviously. I’m more convinced than ever that maintaining a self-hosted personal blog is the way of the future, given how many social media websites keep betraying us.
  • I’m @girly_juice on Instagram and that’s where I’m most active aside from Twitter.
  • My newsletter, where I send out a little essay on love, sex, and other random topics every week to my premium subscribers (it’s $5/month or $50/year). If you can’t afford a premium subscription, you can still sign up as a free subscriber and you’ll get free dispatches from me a couple times a year or so.
  • On Mastodon, which some people think will be Twitter’s major replacement, I can be found at @girlyjuice@mastodon.social – go follow me!

I love you, I’m glad you’re here, and I’m trying to look forward to whatever comes next.

 

This post contains a sponsored link, ’cause a girl’s gotta eat. As ever, all writing and opinions are my own.

Can We Please Stop Inviting Freud Into Our Bedrooms?

Kate Sloan

There’s a debate in the sexual sphere that has raged for centuries, and that debate is: Are vaginal orgasms superior to clitoral orgasms? And further: Is everyone with a vagina capable of having vaginal orgasms, or are some of us “doomed” to only have clitoral orgasms – if that – as long as we live?

I find this debate annoying as hell, for three reasons:

  1. It shames a huge amount of people for the way they get off (or don’t get off), which we definitely don’t need more of.
  2. It implies that vulva-bearing bodies are something to be argued about and commentated on by others, when instead we could just listen to those people about how their own bodies work, since they’re the ones who would know.
  3. It’s largely the result of some theories Freud put forth in his day, and he was extremely wrong about a lot of stuff, not to mention frequently misogynist AF.

 

While I won’t deny that Freud was an important and influential figure in the psychology field, and that some of his ideas had merit, his thoughts on vaginal versus clitoral orgasms were utterly unhinged, and unsupported by any legitimate science I’m aware of. He wrote that part of a healthy transition to adulthood for (cis) women was unlearning the “phallic” desire for clitoral orgasms and instead starting to derive all their sexual pleasure from penetration. He believed that if someone remained “fixated” on having clitoral orgasms, it meant that they were repressed and “infantile.”

I suppose at the time, it would’ve been surprising for a stately male doctor to talk about female sexual pleasure at all – and certainly, his theories laid the groundwork for research that was done later on the G-spot and other sites of vaginal pleasure, hence the worldwide proliferation of A-spot dildos and G-spot vibrators, which I am definitely a fan of. (Freud was multilingual, and one wonders what he would’ve thought of these G-punkt-vibratoren and vibratori punto G if he’d been around to see them.)

Many theorists have also argued that the G-spot is part of the clitoris – its internal portion, which is much larger than what we see on the outside of the body – and that’s an interesting point that raises a lot of questions about how pleasure and orgasm function. But by and large, I think Freud really fucked us over with his thoughts on sexuality, especially those focused on the clitoris and vagina, and we’re still seeing the effects of that today.

See, anatomically speaking, the clitoris is analogous to the penis. This means that expecting someone to experience pleasure – let alone orgasm – from sex where their clit is completely ignored is every bit as unreasonable as expecting a person to get off without having their dick touched at all. It certainly happens, but only for a minority of people, plenty of whom still find it easier to come when, y’know, their main sexual pleasure organ is being stimulated.

Freud’s narrative of women “aging out of” clitoral orgasms and somehow magically starting to have vaginal orgasms instead is hyperfocused on heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex. He confabulated upon and romanticized his notion of what penetrative sex “should” be like – i.e. effortlessly, mutually pleasurable for both participants all on its own – instead of listening to people about what that type of sex actually felt like for them. And his views have persevered into a whole new millennium, with mainstream publications and doctors alike still debating clitoral orgasms as if there’s anything less real, less legitimate or less good about them.

 

I’d love if we could fully shift, as a culture, toward viewing the G-spot and other vaginal erogenous zones as being more akin to the prostate than the penis – since, anatomically and pleasure-wise, they are. Many people love prostate stimulation but still need some dick contact if orgasm’s gonna happen, and this is understood to be normal and expected. The same should be true for folks who require clit stimulation in order to get off, which is entirely normal (I’ve seen various studies estimate this is the case for around 70-90% of people with vulvas).

Of course, the main reason this fact hasn’t gained more traction in the dominant culture is that it forces cis men to contend with the fact that their dick alone isn’t a fantastical orgasm-administering magic wand. It requires them to give pleasure intentionally and effortfully, instead of just assuming it’ll happen as a byproduct of seeking their own direct pleasure through intercourse. A lot of people with vaginas have also absorbed this messaging, such that they may feel “broken” or “high-maintenance” for having entirely normal sexual anatomy and sexual desires. Imagine a cis guy guiltily asking his girlfriend, “Hey, I know we don’t really do this, but would you maybe wanna touch my dick sometime? I think it would feel good for me.” This, sadly, is an exact parallel of the situation many sexually active people with vaginas are in.

 

But we don’t have to keep perpetuating this paradigm that tells us our bodies are faulty and our desire for pleasure is annoying or immature. We can decide to look at sex in a new way, one that’s actually supported by science and the anecdotal observations of millions of people around the world. We can kick Freud out of our beds, shouting this message back through the centuries: Our pleasure matters, our pleasure is real, and we can and will pursue our pleasure on our own terms.