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Using the Bestvibe Mermaid As a Chastity Device

Kate Sloan

A key skill to develop when you’re a sex toy reviewer is turning bad toys into useable products. Almost every sex toy has more than one possible way of using it (and if it doesn’t, it had better be damn good at the one thing it does do), and finding offbeat ways to repurpose sex toys for pleasure is always, at the very least, interesting.

The most common manifestation of this in my sex life has been shitty vibrators with good shapes. Some vibes – like the original Lelo Mona and Mona Wave – have a shape so good that it transcends their disappointing motor. If a toy is curved just right to hit your spots, you may not even need to turn on the vibrations to enjoy it (albeit perhaps while paired with another toy).

And so it is with the Bestvibe Mermaid (my shortened version of the full title as per the product page, “Tongue Mermaid Remote Sex Toys 9 Modes Wearable Vibrators”). When I unplugged it from its first charging session and turned it on, I sighed and said aloud, “Oh nooo,” because the motor is wildly, offensively buzzy. “I can’t use this,” I thought. But then I examined its shape again and thought… Wait. Yes I can.

I’ve been delving into chastity play with my partner as of late – listen to this recent Dildorks episode for more on that – and in talking about this online, I’ve received a slew of questions from readers/listeners/friends. One of the most common questions I’ve gotten is “Do you know anything about chastity for vulvas?” My partner, an intrepid researcher as ever, suggests the chastity belts made by Neosteel and Fancy Steel, but unfortunately, good-quality products in this category tend to be prohibitively expensive. It’s no wonder some vulva-owning chastity kinksters turn to makeshift options like leather belts and Scotch tape (!!) in lieu of shelling out for a specially-made device.

The terrifying tongues of the Mermaid

Here’s the thing: I think the Bestvibe Mermaid could be a decent “chastity-lite” product for someone who’s curious about the kink and just wants to try it out, someone who fetishizes chastity psychologically but doesn’t need the whole physical kit and caboodle, or someone who simply can’t afford a proper chastity belt yet but wants to approximate the experience as best they can. The Mermaid has three arms (or, as the product copy calls them, “urgent antennae”) – a G-spot-targeting vaginal arm, a tiny flexible anal arm, and a bizarre clitoral simulator made to look like three little tongues. At only $45.99, it’s probably one of the most cost-effective ways to get both your holes simultaneously stuffed with body-safe materials.

Some important caveats before we proceed: It isn’t good for your vagina to wear anything inside it for more than about 8 hours at a time, tops (which is why, for example, that’s usually the max number of hours recommended for leaving in a menstrual cup before you take it out and wash it off). The vagina is self-cleaning, and long-term vaginal obstructions prevent that process from happening and can lead to infections. I’d vehemently recommend that you not wear this as a day-in-day-out chastity device, even if you wash it every time you take it out to use the bathroom. It’s more of a once-in-a-while thing, so if that’s the only kind of chastity you want to do, maybe this would work.

Inserting this toy is a bit of a “Who’s on first?” situation. I kept inserting one arm and then finding I couldn’t get the other one in, and then reversing them, all while they slipped every which way under my lubey fingers. After much experimentation, I think the easiest way to do it is to insert the vaginal arm and then the anal arm; the latter is more flexible and thus more easily manoeuvred while the other arm is inside you. It’s kind of a slippery fucker because of its bendiness, but on the bright side, it’s comfier than something super firm would be, especially while walking around. The clitoral portion barely makes contact with my clit, because it barely reaches it – par for the course with many dual-stim (or in this case, triple-stim) toys, unfortunately. Depending on your anatomy and your chastity goals, you may want some kind of additional measure in place to block clitoral access when using this toy for that purpose.

This toy is a good balance of comfortable vs. noticeable; you definitely know you’re wearing it the entire time you’re wearing it, but it stays anchored in place well while I’m walking around (provided I’m wearing close-fitting underwear), and doesn’t typically get painful or uncomfortable unless I need to re-lube it.

The vibrations are the saddest part of the toy. They’re just so bad. They’re buzzy and frustrating and weak. But if you’re using this toy for chastity, that becomes a feature instead of a bug. Wearing this toy with the vibrations turned on for any length of time will likely result in some (temporary) genital numbness, perhaps further adding to your sense of being denied pleasure and orgasms. (I know that’s putting a “Look on the bright side!” spin on a legitimate problem, but y’know, I’ve always been an “ass half-full” kind of gal.)

This toy comes with a remote, which would be a cool feature for D/s play because your partner could randomly turn the toy on and off while you were, say, out on a dinner date. However, the instructions are inscrutable so I wasn’t able to test this. Ditto with the HEATING feature that apparently can only be enabled via the remote.

All in all, while the Bestvibe Mermaid lacks a lot of key things that would make it useable as the vibrator it purports to be (such as a decent motor or a comprehensible instruction manual), there are worse things you could shove in your holes if you’re looking to plug ’em up for a chastity scene. I can’t say I’ll be reaching for this one a lot, as chastity and orgasm denial aren’t kinks of mine (at least not as a bottom), but hey, I’m glad it exists. Go forth and obstruct your orifices if you so desire, my kinky friends.

 

Thanks to Bestvibe for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Laid D2

Kate Sloan

I was on the phone with a friend when the Laid D2 dildo arrived on my doorstep. “Should I open it now?” I asked him.

“Yes!” my friend said, so I did. I gasped. I oohed and aahed. I held it up to the light and said, “It’s so smooth and heavy and shiny!!” I could not contain my delight, even knowing that the person on the other end of the phone line had not asked for a play-by-play. Luckily, he was just amused.

I’ve eyed this dildo from afar for years, but was never quite intrigued enough to request it from a sex toy retailer before. Although it is made of smooth black granite (SWOON), its shape is very similar to those of the We-Vibe Rave and Lelo Ella, so I kinda felt like… been there, fucked that. But I shouldn’t have written it off, because in use it’s actually pretty different from those toys.

The main difference, of course, is the material. I cannot overstate how sexy this toy feels in my hand. It’s hefty and weighty – not quite so much as steel, but certainly more than silicone – and it feels naturally cold to the touch, like metal. The smoothness also makes it feel altogether different from a silicone toy; it can glide against your G-spot rather than roughly rubbing past it (which silicone sometimes seems to do even when adequately lubricated), and it doesn’t require as much lube as some other toys do because of the frictionlessness of the surface.

It’s also just beautiful. It retails for less than a lot of other “luxury” dildos – on KissKiss.ch, it goes for 98.90 Swiss francs, which is about $106 American or $143 Canadian – but still definitely feels luxurious. In fact, I’m sort of gobsmacked you can get a hand-crafted dildo of this quality for that price. I think this would make a great gift for a sweetheart you’re trying to impress, provided they’ve expressed interest in owning a dildo for vaginal penetration (the D2 is not anal-safe). You can tell them it’s a toy made of 500-million-year-old granite, because apparently it is.

The D2 has two ends, both of which are insertable – but the flattened head on one side is really the star of the show. It’s optimized for G-spot stimulation. Just like the Lelo Ella, the D2 makes it easy to hone in on your spot and rock against it – but unlike the Ella, its neck has no give whatsoever, so you don’t even have to push that hard to elicit intense sensations. I like a flattened head better for my G-spot than a smaller or pointier tip; stimulation that’s too intense or direct on that spot can overwhelm me and may even be painful, especially when I’m not warmed up. The D2’s wide head (a little over 1.5″ in diameter at its widest) lets you spread out the pressure over a bigger area, so your whole G-spot gets massaged, rather than just one area getting poked. That said, the bigness of the head also means some people may have trouble getting it past their pubic bone comfortably, or inserting it at all.

The most astonishing thing to me about this toy is the extent to which it makes me squirt. The first time I used it, I was squirting so continuously that I almost didn’t notice it at first; it was a constant, low-level gushing, rather than a big, climactic ejaculation. It’s also remarkable that this toy makes me squirt so much without often creating that painful/uncomfortable “need to pee” feeling that more pinpointed G-spot toys often do. All I have to do is ride the gentle wave of pleasure, and before I know it, I’ll have soaked through my sheets. (Lay a towel down before using this toy!)

The D2 has an asymmetrical shape that’s supposed to enable you to gently rotate/rock it against your G-spot rather than thrusting in and out, but I don’t find this terribly effectual once I get past a certain level of arousal. Teasing my spot is fine for early in a session, but as I get more and more turned on, I tend to want more pressure and speed. The D2 can be thrust in and out, but it’s awkward: the handle gets slippery easily and is tricky to grip and angle right (especially for my sore hands). I end up changing my hand position several times throughout any given session with this toy, because its handle just isn’t very comfortable or useful.

However, that same handle can also be inserted. “Won’t that be pokey/stabby?” a friend asked when I mentioned this, because the straight side of the D2 does indeed taper pretty sharply at its very end. In use, though, it doesn’t bother me at all, and can actually reach my A-spot very effectively. The combination of the slim tip, hard material, and easy angleability (that’s a word, right?) of this end of the toy makes it feel like I’m really getting fucked when I use it this way. It feels almost as impactful as heftier A-spot-friendly toys like the Njoy Eleven. Blessedly, this side is easier to thrust with, because holding onto the flattened G-spot end gives you a lot of leverage and a secure grip.

This toy, I have to say, is pretty blissful. It’s a gentle G-spot jubilator, an awesome A-spot annihilator, and a gorgeous granite gift. If there’s someone in your life who likes firm stimulation of either or both of those spots, and deserves to have their vagina totally spoiled with pleasure and beauty, get them a Laid D2 – even if that person is you!

 

Thanks so much to KissKiss.ch for sending me this product to review – they’re a Switzerland-based sex shop with a killer section of luxury sex toys! This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Fun Things You Can Do With a Penis Pump

Kate Sloan
Pictured: the Max Width Penis Enlarger.

I only worked in sex toy retail for a few months, but I can’t even tell you the number of people who came in searching for penis enlargement products. In fact, it was explicitly part of my training to learn which products actually work on a long-term basis (answer: almost none of them) and which are basically bullshit – although, of course, being in retail, we wouldn’t have phrased it quite like that!

Penis pumps, I have learned, are somewhere in the middle of that spectrum – they offer some temporary enlargement by way of suction encouraging bloodflow to your dick, but that’s not their main or most effectual purpose. Penis pump results are usually more about engorgement, arousal, and pleasure than they are about size – and if you use them with that expectation held firmly (heh) in your mind, I think you’ll have a much better time with them. (Just make sure to read about the risks of using them, and maybe even discuss ’em with your doctor before you do, okay?)

To get you started, here are 5 ways to play with penis pumps in your sex/kink life…

 

Size play. I know I just said these pumps do other things much better than they do enlargement… BUT… they do create a temporary and usually minor enlargement of the penis that can be really thrilling, especially if you in any way fetishize “big dicks,” “monster cocks,” “raging boners,” and so on. (I mean, in our phallus-obsessed culture, it’s hard not to have internalized some of these ideas of hotness, even if you’ve later learned to reject them for the body-shaming beliefs that underlie them.) Whether the dick being pumped up into immensity is a partner’s or your own, it may be exciting to see it become bigger, veinier, and more intimidating for a few minutes. It might even change the penis-wielder’s sense of self (and/or their partner’s sense of them) enough that they’ll feel inspired to do some kind of roleplay scene that takes advantage of their newfound cartoonish hugeness.

Press a vibrator against it. I saw someone do this in a porn clip recently and now I can’t stop thinking about it… The combination of suction and vibration can be terrifically overwhelming, and if the chap in the video I saw is anything to go by, it seems like trying to wring an orgasm out of this method would be a long, slow, teasing process, potentially resulting in a climax half-ruined by the indirectness of the stimulation. If you’re into that, hey, I’m not gonna stop you.

Chastity/denial. It’s amazing to me that I’ve read so many screeds over the years about how “blue balls” are so painful that those tormented by this sensation should be given sex out of pity (oh, boohoo, Chad, go jerk off like an adult), given that there are tons of people who enjoy and actually seek out that sensation. Not just blue balls, either, but sometimes the overall sense of intense arousal with no resolution in sight. I think it would be especially cruel to take someone out of chastity for the first time in days or weeks, shove their dick into a penis pump, use it to crank up their arousal, and then… not let them come. Back into the chastity cage you shall go! (Just as soon as your boner deflates, that is… which, let’s face it, could take a while…)

Put on a show. Most penis pumps are transparent or translucent, making them the perfect prop for an exhibitionist moment. This could be particularly useful if, due to current global circumstances, you find yourself separated from the person/people you love to fuck. I have found few long-distance sexual experiences more intimate and bonding than watching my partner try out a totally new-to-them sex toy in front of their webcam for my viewing pleasure.

Medical play. If I’m into the fantasy of a Victorian-era doctor administering clitoral stimulation by hand in order to cure me of hysteria, I have to assume there are people with penises out there who relish the thought of a sexy doctor pumping up their dick to address erectile dysfunction. As a roleplay, this could be a small penis humiliation scene if you’re into that, packed with devastating jibes about your dick’s inability to function – or it could be an ASMR-style calming experience involving focused attention and caring concern. Sounds great either way to me!

What crafty ideas come up for you when you contemplate adding a penis pump into your kinky repertoire?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Magic Wand Plus

Kate Sloan

When I interviewed Shay Martin – co-owner of Vibratex, the company that legendarily saved the Magic Wand from extinction when Hitachi wanted to pull the plug on it – for a story I was writing in 2015, she said something that sex toy makers never say. She said that in updating and modernizing the toy, she was doing her best to keep everything the same, with the exception of the problems the redesign was trying to fix (mostly, the porous foam head and the overworked motor). She said she knew she was going to receive phone calls from Magic Wand purists regardless, claiming the new toy felt different or sounded different or just was different in ways that mattered to them – so it made sense to change only what absolutely was not working – a head all too easily stained by menstrual blood or cum, a motor known to occasionally burst into flames – and leave almost everything else the exact same.

This is rare in the sex toy biz. The We-Vibe Nova 2 is a recent example of a sex toy re-release that kept the best and tossed the rest – but in general, sex toy updates tend to add bells and whistles nobody asked for (*cough* Lelo) without making the improvements that would actually excite customers (*cough* also Lelo). So, needless to say, I’ve been wanting to try the Magic Wand Plus ever since it was announced – and thanks to my pals at TheVibed.com, I finally got to!

For context, there are already two major Magic Wands to be aware of (not counting the literally hundreds, if not thousands, of knockoffs and wannabes out there): the Magic Wand Original, a plug-in 2-speed behemoth essentially identical to the original Hitachi Magic Wand except for the minor motor updates as outlined above, and the Magic Wand Rechargeable, a contemporized version that no longer chains you to an outlet and that boasts 2 extra speeds and some vibration patterns. The MWR is the better choice for the vast majority of users, because its added 2 speeds are on the lower end of the intensity spectrum, bringing it down from “HOLY FUCK” territory into something more approachable, even for a vibrator novice – but, notably, the MWR is more than twice the price of the MWO. So it’s no surprise so many horny hopefuls on a budget would go for the MWO; it was the best option that existed for them – until the Magic Wand Plus.

The MWP is the best of both worlds: it has the MWR’s nonporous silicone head and wider variety of speeds, but is only a little pricier than the MWO: $65 versus $55 on TheVibed. The trade-off is that it’s plug-in rather than rechargeable, and it doesn’t have vibration patterns. That’s it.

The more that I think about it – and the more that I use the MWP instead of my well-worn old MWR – the more I realize that those trade-offs are no big deal for me at all. I almost never use vibration patterns, and I almost never use wand vibrators anywhere that doesn’t have electrical outlet access (especially in, y’know, pandemic times). Sure, it’s great to have a travel-friendly vibe I could whip out in a bar bathroom or back alley if need be, but generally I need those vibes to be small. I can literally only think of one time that I used a wand in a situation that lacked nearby outlets, and that was during a porn shoot at a sex club – not exactly a normal set of circumstances for most people.

The combination of laziness, depression, and chronic pain also renders me chronically reticent to plug in my vibes when they run out of juice – so, despite the modernity and convenience of wireless toys, my most-used vibrators these days are ones that plug into the wall. I am just not organized or on-top-of-things enough to habitually remember to charge vibes before I need them, so electric ones are, oddly enough, often the best choice for me. (That said, though, the MWR has a brilliant feature a lot of other rechargeable toys lack: you can use it while it’s charging. The more you know…)

So, that being the case, I cannot think of a single thing I love about the Magic Wand Rechargeable that the Magic Wand Plus doesn’t also have. And it’s about half the price, which is a pretty fucking big benefit, especially right now when many people’s sex toy budget is – to say the least – constricted.

The lack of vibration patterns on the MWP freed up some space in the control panel, so Vibratex added a “minus” button. This means that you can quickly move back to the previous speed if you so desire, instead of needing to cycle through all 4 like you do on the MWR. This is a pretty small difference, unless you like to move up and down the intensity scale a lot during sessions like I do, in which case it might actually be super convenient.

I do not have Princess & the Pea-level genital discernment skills, so in discussing the more minute differences between these toys, I will defer to my friend Epiphora, who does. She says the MWP is slightly buzzier and stronger than the MWR – possibly owing to differences in motor weight – and when I really strain to pay attention, I can detect this too. But, as she also notes, the difference is most notable between the 2nd and 3rd speed, so if (like me) you tend to hang out on the lower 2 speeds, this won’t be an issue for you. (For reference, I always max out when using smaller vibes like the Tango, but the lowest 2 speeds of the MWR/MWP are more than rumbly and strong enough to get me off.)

Perhaps as a result of the minor differences in buzziness/strength, I also notice that the MWP is louder and rattlier than the MWR. But both quiet down significantly when pressed against skin and flesh, where (presumably) they will spend most of their time.

I sort of wish the MWP’s wire was a bit longer – it stretches 6 feet – but I also know that the 12-foot length of my beloved Eroscillator‘s cord gets tangled more than I would prefer, and can be more of a hindrance than a convenience at times. If your preferred sexytimes zone is more than a couple feet away from an outlet, I would suggest throwing an extension cord into your cart alongside the MWP if possible, but it’s not a huge deal. The wire also gets in my way occasionally when I’m holding the toy, but I just rotate it around until the wire juts out away from me and the annoyance is neutralized.

So what’s my verdict? The Magic Wand Plus is a genius invention. Vibratex found a way to make a blessedly more affordable version of their absolutely magnificent Magic Wand Rechargeable, without compromising on any functions that matter to me. If you care a lot about portability or patterns, then disregard this – but if all you want is beautifully strong vibrations at a decent price, I think the Magic Wand Plus is absolutely the best bang for your buck.

 

Thanks so much to TheVibed for sending me this toy to try! This review was sponsored, which means I was paid to write an honest and fair review of this toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Look at Meee!: A Product Wishlist for Exhibitionists

Kate Sloan
From a recent striptease set I shot at a customer’s request.

Oddly enough, I’ve done more sex work than usual since the coronavirus swept the world. I guess it makes sense: lots of people are stuck at home, bored, and battling a stress-inflamed libido. Of course some of them would slide into my email inbox to inquire about purchasing nude pics, lingerie shots, or sexy videos. (Pro tip: if you do this, state your intentions upfront, have your credit card at the ready, and do not under any circumstances ask me for a “free sample.”)

This being the case, I’ve been thinking lots about various upgrades I could make to my arsenal of exhibitionistic equipment to boost the quality of my output. Here are some items I think would drastically improve your nudes, clips, and/or cam shows, whether you’re performing for beloved partners, regular customers, random strangers, or even just for yourself.

 

A selfie stick. These are fairly cheap and are sold all over the internet, so if you want to try your hand at some exhibitionism, they’re a great starting point! You can use them to shoot selfies, of course (they’re particularly useful for taking full-body shots or butt pics), and you can also use them to lend different angles and degrees of distance to sexy videos or mobile livestreams.

A lighting setup. Some people go the whole nine yards, with multiple lights and diffusers/reflectors; some people just spring for one ring light; some people get by with just a small bedside lamp. It depends on what effect you’re going for – but generally, more lighting is better than less. On the best cam sites, you’ll sometimes see people getting creative with lighting colors and effects, but as long as you’re well-lit enough to be clearly visible, there’s no need to get super fancy.

A non-distracting backdrop. You could keep things simple by just performing in front of a blank wall, or a wall you’ve draped with a bedsheet or blanket. You could also look into the more pro-level backdrops preferred by professional YouTubers, etc.

A tripod. If you have to choose between a selfie stick and a tripod, choose a tripod every time – it’s more versatile and forgiving. Standard tripods are terrific; however, these days I’m also lusting after a suction-cup iPhone holder, because it enables you to affix your phone to any hard surface (like a wall, floor, or even ceiling if you can reach it) at the exact angle that you want.

A camera remote. Whether you’re shooting with a phone, a webcam, a point-and-shoot, or a decked-out DSLR, there’s likely a remote-control option available to you somewhere. It’ll make your life so much easier, especially when taking a lot of pictures at a time.

Suction cup dildos. These make it easier to create content where you’re “riding” a dildo, maybe for a POV scene or maybe just for the fun and pleasure of it. Affix the suction-cup base of your dildo to a wall or floor before playing (hard, smooth surfaces work best, like tile or lacquered wood), or – if no viable surfaces are available to you at the moment for whatever reason – use a hardcover book or other rigid, flat object instead. (Yeah, it might look a little strange if you’re riding your old geography textbook in bed, but anyone watching will likely be too distracted by your bangin’ bod to notice.)

See-through sex toys, like a clear glass dildo or anything from the Fleshlight Ice range. These give the viewer a peek at the inner workings of your sexual response, almost as effectively as if they had X-ray vision!

Lube. I recommend this for any sexual activity, as you no doubt already know if you read this blog, but it can be particularly handy during exhibitionistic play – especially if your session goes on for a long time (gotta get all the shots you need!) and/or you get nervous in front of the camera and find that your nerves affect your natural lubrication level. When making content related to “creampies” and other forms of cum fetishism, you may want to go with a lube that looks semen-esque, such as Sliquid Silk.

Face powder. I’ll leave your other makeup decisions up to you, but powder is a must-have. It gets rid of the pesky shine that can crop up on the oily areas of your skin. (Some kinds of shine are hot – like the glisten of wet, excited genitals – but a shiny face is often just distracting.) If you’ll also be doing makeup for other models whose skin tone differs from your own, look for a translucent setting powder so you don’t have to worry about tone-matching (although some of these still create a light cast on darker skin, unfortunately). Don’t forget a puff or brush to apply it with!

A robe or dressing gown. Not strictly necessary, of course, but it is nice to have something glamorous to slip in and out of between shots – particularly if it’s cold where you are, or you’re in a location where people might randomly walk by at any moment. (Abandoned stairwell, anyone?)

Photo/video editing software. Crucial. I mostly keep it simple with iMovie and the other built-in editing functions on my various Apple devices, but there’s a whole world of applications out there to explore. They may be less or more useful to you depending on how intense you want to go with your editing. Final Cut Pro and Adobe Lightroom are two popular choices.

 

What do you consider must-haves for a burgeoning exhibitionist or sexy content creator?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.