strap-on

5 Ways Hollow Strap-Ons Can Transform Your Sex Life

Kate Sloan

When the subject of my past in sex toy retail comes up in conversation, one question I’m often asked is, “What products did you sell the most of?”

Beginner vibrators, anal douches, and We-Vibes all rank highly on that list – but so does, surprisingly, the humble hollow strap-on. Customers – usually older-looking married men – would wander into the store seeking something to supplement their sex life, and sometimes their line of inquiry would lead them straight to the strap-on section. It gave me great satisfaction to see happy folks leaving the store with new treats to excite their partners and themselves.

Here are 5 ways this underrated and oft-misunderstood product can give your sex life a boost…

Erectile dysfunction. Whether you’ve tried E.D. meds and found that they don’t work (or just don’t work as well or as reliably as you’d hoped), or you’ve never tried them and don’t want to, a hollow strap on can stand in for your god-given dick if you and/or your partner are missing the joys of penetration in the wake of erectile difficulties. This is, by far, the most common reason my customers ended up going home with a hollow strap-on, and I think it’s a great solution! (Remember: soft or semi-soft dicks can still be pleasured in lots of non-penetrative ways, before or after your strap-on sesh. Erection, ejaculation, and orgasm are 3 separate phenomena that don’t all need to be present every time.)

Premature ejaculation. If you can’t last long enough to give your partner the poundin’ they (or you!) desire, slip your dick into a hollow strap-on – either before or after your own orgasm – and you’ll be able to fuck your sweetheart for as long as your muscles hold out. This is also great if your partner (like me) loves coming during penetrative sex but takes a while to get there.

Gender affirmation. We hear a lot about people with vaginas (e.g. pre-op/non-op trans men or assigned-female non-binary folks) using strap-ons as a way to access gender euphoria, but there’s less discourse about people with penises doing the same. Why, you might be wondering, would someone with a flesh-and-blood dick feel good and gender-affirmed when they strap a silicone one on over top? Well, some trans and non-binary folks find it distressing or even triggering to use their genitals in the “traditional” ways prescribed by hetero- and cis-normative culture. Using a strap-on can help some people express and experience their gender more pleasurably during sex, and that’s a wonderful thing.

Chastity kink. This is my #1 fantasy involving hollow strap-ons: a submissive partner isn’t permitted their own pleasure until they fully please their dominant, and so they slide their dick into a strap-on so having it touched isn’t even an option. In this way, the strap-on can serve the dual function of a chastity belt for the sub and a dildo they can fuck their dom with. Hot!

Mindfulness. This one is a bit more abstract, so bear with me… Sometimes, when you’re having sex, it’s easy to get so distracted by your own pleasure that you forget to focus on everything else that’s going on: your partner’s pleasure, their sounds, how cute they look when they bite their lip, how good their skin feels against yours, and so on. If you temporarily take your own genital sensations out of the equation, these other lovely details immediately come into sharper focus. Does this mean strap-ons are kind of… zen?!

What are your favorite potential uses for hollow strap-ons?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Incredibly Gorgeous Femme Cocks

Kate Sloan

I’m thinking a lot about the concept of the “femme cock” lately, because pegging is an increasingly significant part of my sex life. Recently my partner mentioned wanting to be fucked with something bigger than my usual go-to – the pink glittery Godemiche Ambit, pictured above – but he emphasized that his top priority was my comfort. He knew that my cis femme identity is sometimes at odds with my desire to rock a cock, and that it gives me Weird Gender Feelings sometimes to strap on something that looks too realistic. So we started pondering non-representational, hyperfemme options.

With the disclaimer that all dildos are genderless and anyone of any gender identity and gender presentation can use any dildo, here are some of my top picks for femmes who want to fuck with flair!

The Fuze Wilde is a long-time fave of mine for strap-on play. It has a hefty-but-not-unreasonable 1.75″ diameter at its widest point, and two delicious ridges just under the head for optimal G-spot/prostate stimulation.

Best of all for tops who want to get off, the Wilde (like many Fuze dildos) has a ridged base that rubs against the clitoral region in pleasing ways during sex, and a hole where you can stick a bullet vibe like the We-Vibe Tango.

Fuze’s purple silicone is slightly iridescent and absolutely beautiful. I feel like a violet vixen wearing this cock.

Suggested harness pairing: complete your slightly Violet Beauregarde-esque aesthetic with the Aslan Jaguar harness in “Prince” purple. I swooned so hard when Aslan came out with this colorway in tribute of Prince. It is glorious.

The Funkit Toys NoFrillDo B is short and squat, though still long enough to target hotspots during strap-on play. I love that the bumps on the head of this dildo are smoothed out; they feel much better than ones that jut or poke out awkwardly. The one I have is a pretty shade of robin’s-egg blue, though I also adore this lemon yellow. Imagine painting your fingernails and toenails to match this dildo, or complementing it with a pair of purple cowboy boots or a red leather jacket!

The great thing about the NoFrillDos – and, indeed, the reason they were developed – is that they’re body-safe toys at an astonishingly affordable price point ($24 USD). Thanks to the ingenuity of dildo-makers like Funkit Toys’ Kenton, you don’t have to spend a mint to get a cute cock to fuck your sweetheart with.

Suggested harness pairing: I think this yellow beaut would look splendid jutting out of a bright red harness, like the cherry Aslan Jaguar or the SpareParts Sasha. Wear a blue accessory if you want to complete the primary-colors motif of your ensemble!

The Vixen Creations Leo comes in a bunch of different colors, but I especially like this pearly white one. It’s even sparklier and shinier than this photo indicates, and sort of makes me feel like a vampire from the Twilight universe (but, y’know, sexier, and more consent-conscious).

The Leo has a scrunchy faux-foreskin situation goin’ on just under its coronal ridge, which creates some pleasing friction that’s truly unlike any other dildo I own. I wouldn’t call it painful or uncomfortable at all, just mildly scratchy, like how it can be nice when a partner scritches your scalp with their nails. Mmm.

The Leo is mainly made to target the G-spot, but I also find it can hit my A-spot if I push it in deep enough. Hooray!

Suggested harness pairing: this pearlescent shade of white would look gorgeous against the rosy pink of the SpareParts Theo. Your junk will look as delicious as strawberries and cream!

The VixSkin Bandit in “Tie-Bright” is an explosion of orgasmic rainbow delights. I don’t know how else to describe it. Just look at this fucker! I sadly don’t own any Tie-Bright toys yet, but the very sight of them perks me right up. Nothing says “I am a magical queer pixie” quite like a technicolor dick swinging between your thighs.

At 7″ long and 1.75″ wide, it’s fairly meaty, though the squishiness of VixSkin makes this toy easier to take. I would imagine it’d be great for A-spot stimulation, with all that lovely length. And it has balls, which I don’t have any strong feelings about either way but which I know many people find adorable.

Suggested harness pairing: I think you probably wanna go with something understated with this dildo, so its stunning colors really shine. The black Aslan Jaguar and SpareParts Joque are simple classics, and should be sturdy enough to support this behemoth of a dildo.

I had to include the Blush Avant D6 Electra, because it’s my two favorite colors: pink and turquoise! If my blog had a dick, it would look like this…

The shape is a little odd, but I wonder if that tapered tip might make it great for A-spot stimulation. I’ll have to give it a shot, if Blush ever hooks me up with one.

Suggested harness pairing: my harness of choice, the limited-edition Aslan Nicki Jaguar, is a must-have if you’re a femme who loves pink. The bright raspberry shade would look perfect next to the colors of this dildo!

What’s your favorite femme cock?

Review: Sili Saddle

Kate Sloan

I’m conflicted about the Sili Saddle. It is, as its name suggests, silly. And yet it might also be useful for lots of people. People whose genitals are different from mine in many ways.

The product’s website describes it as a “super-soft non-penetrative manual vulvar stimulator.” It was apparently developed by a woman who had vulvar irritation and couldn’t have her genitals touched in the usual ways without pain. “It’s great for gentle solo stimulation and enhances partnered intimacy, acting as a soothing yet stimulating barrier when skin-on-skin friction is uncomfortable,” the product’s website explains. “It works beautifully as a non-vibrating pleasure pad for sensitive vulvas.”

This is a fantastic idea, and serves – I’m sure – a niche market that has always existed but has rarely been acknowledged. I know there are people who are reading this right now, eyes wide and mouth ajar, thinking: This! This is what I need!

I’m happy for those people. However, if you’re looking at this product and feeling mystified – a non-vibrating, flat disc of squishy silicone with a ridge along the underside?! – here are some other uses I’ve found for the Sili Saddle, as a person who doesn’t have recurrent vulvar pain or irritation:

Warm-up. Sometimes, if I start masturbating without getting myself turned on through porn or other means first, my clit is too sensitive to be touched right away. I can lay the Sili Saddle’s raised ridge over my clit, put my palm on its flat side, and move it around for some super gentle, indirect clit stimulation. I do this with lube if I want some slippery-slidey friction, or without lube if I’m more in the mood for anchored pressure. I don’t think I could have an orgasm this way unless I had gone several days without coming, was very turned on, and had maybe smoked a bunch of weed – but if your clit is more sensitive and your orgasms more easily induced than mine, you might like using the Sili Saddle in this way.

Orgasm deprivation. I could see the Sili Saddle being useful in a kink scenario where a dominant partner was purposely denying you sensation. “You’ve been so good that I’m going to let you touch yourself,” they’d say, and your eyes would light up – but then they’d slap the Sili Saddle onto your bits and add, evilly, “THROUGH THIS!” Then they would watch with devious amusement as you tried to eke an orgasm out of this toy. Ah, the delicious cruelty of it all!

Strap-on cushioning. When I worked at a sex shop, I heard customers complain all the time that strapping on during sex can result in uncomfortable friction and impact against the genitals of the wearer. My shop didn’t carry the Sili Saddle, but I wish it had; I could’ve sold dozens! The soft silicone of this toy is ideal for absorbing the impact of thrusting, so you won’t feel bruised after a thorough strap-on sesh. Furthermore, that ridge along one side can provide some gentle clit stimulation for the strap-on wearer that’ll add to their enjoyment.

Vibration mitigation. If you have, say, a Magic Wand, and you find it sometimes (or always) feels too intense, you can use it through a Sili Saddle to help manage those sensations. This is different from using the vibe through clothes because a) the Sili Saddle is thicker, so it subdues the vibration better, and b) it has that ridge, which sits against your clit and focuses the vibrations while softening them. I love using my Sili Saddle and Magic Wand this way when I’m getting warmed up ‘n’ turned on, especially because it keeps the vibrator from numbing my genitals before the party even gets started.

PIV padding. As someone who often sleeps with scruffy cis men, I am familiar with the perils of scratchy dude-pubes against my sensitive clit. If pubis-on-pubis contact during intercourse is uncomfortable for you, whether due to pubic hair, pressure, or some other factor, you might wanna slide a Sili Saddle in between and see if it improves things. For me, this is more of a “decreasing discomfort” thing than an “adding pleasure” thing; if I want to amp up my pleasure during intercourse, I’m likelier to grab a We-Vibe or a small handheld clit vibe.

As you can see, the Sili Saddle can be used in many ways and would, I’m sure, be an invaluable tool to folks with super sensitive and/or irritated genitals. However, that’s not me, so I doubt I’ll use mine much after I’m done this review.

It sure is pretty, though.

 

Thanks to the folks at Sili Saddle for sending me their product to review!

Review: Godemiche Ambit

Kate Sloan

a pink glittery dildo!

The concept of penis envy has always mystified me. I have penis curiosity, sure. Penis intrigue. If someone offered me an hour in an alternate universe wherein I would have a dick and could receive a blowjob from, say, Olivia Wilde circa 2004, I would not say no. But I have never actively longed for a penis. At least, not one attached to me.

But the concept of a “femme cock” nonetheless stirred my interest. I’d read Artemisia and Melissa Broder rhapsodize the power of wielding a girly member. I kept an eye out for that perfect harness-and-dildo combo that would let me feel feminine as hell while strapping on. I cooed over harnesses by Velvet Nest and Tantus, and felt comfy rocking colorful dildos from Happy Valley and Vixen Creations. But then I fell in love with a pink Aslan Leather harness and a pink glittery Godemiche Ambit, and my perfect femme-cock combo was formed.

I’d previously tried Godemiche’s Adam, and while I liked it, it had no curve – and curves are important to me. So I was excited when Godemiche launched the Ambit, a gently sloping G-spot-focused dildo with a defined coronal ridge. My vagina ached for it, and even moreso when they told me they could custom-make one in their sparkly pink colorway.

Godemiche’s silicone is midway between hard and soft: I can fold this dildo in half, but it takes effort. It’s firmer than Vixen and Tantus‘ dual-density silicones, but squishier than their regular silicone formulations. It’s a good happy medium for my G-spot, which usually likes being stroked but not being aggressively pounded.

a pink glittery dildo in a pink leather harness!

At 5.75″, the Ambit is long enough that it can reach my A-spot if I pull my knees to my chest and push the toy really deep – but that’s not really where it shines. This is primarily a toy for G-spot stimulation and it does that very well. The flat, angled head finds my spot with precision, and a well-lubed Ambit is easy for me to thrust in and out as fast as I like.

Sometimes, mid-masturbation, I start to crave something a bit bigger and more targeted than the Ambit – at which point I might switch to a tried-and-true fave like the Uncut or Adam. The Ambit has a 1.5″ diameter at its widest point, and I’m used to using toys in the 1.75″+ range. But on an average day, it feels plenty good enough on my G-spot to get me off, when paired with a decent clit vibe.

Because its head comes to a tapered point, the Ambit is also great for anal play. Its curve would make for some good prostate stimulation, I’d imagine. I like the gentle popping feeling as this toy’s big head slides into my ass, and the otherwise smooth shaft means it doesn’t overwhelm my butt with sensation.

While I wouldn’t say the Godemiche Ambit is a standout favorite dildo of mine, it’s good to have around for days when I want medium-intensity G-spot stim and don’t feel like being filled up with a massive cock. Plus it looks totally gorgeous when I strap it on – and I’d imagine it’ll look even prettier when I (eventually) fuck the vag/butt/mouth of someone adorable with it. It is truly my dream femme cock!

Harness Showdown: Aslan Jaguar vs. RodeoH Briefs

Kate Sloan

I have finally acquired the two harnesses of my dreams – two of the best harnesses you could ever hope to find, probably. And while I love them both more than words can say, I am a sex toy reviewer – which means I have to be objective and helpful. So, like a cruel mother, I have to pit my babies against each other and write an exhaustive comparison.

The two harnesses in question: the Aslan Leather Jaguar and the RodeoH brief. (Both are pictured above with the Tantus Acute.) Alright, let’s get this show on the road.

Material

The Jaguar is made of leather, and HOLY FUCKING FUCK, it is the sexiest leather I have ever encountered. I don’t have a leather fetish but this harness just might change my mind on this front. It has that powerful-but-not-overpowering leather smell, and it’s soft and broken-in already when you get it. The pliability of the leather makes it feel like a second skin when you’ve been wearing it for a while.

For vegans and other folks who might have issues with leather, the Jag also comes in a vegan version, often for a slightly higher price.

The RodeoH is made of a cotton-elastane blend, much like your favorite pair of underwear. It’s soft to the touch and feels well-constructed.

Sizing and Fit

The Jag comes in two sizes, small and large. “Small” fits hip sizes from 26 to 44 inches; “large” fits 36 to 56 inches. I went with the small size because my hips are currently around 41 inches and I’m in the process of losing weight, so the small will continue to fit me. The hip and butt straps on the Jag are all super adjustable so you should be able to get a good fit no matter what your dimensions are. I’ve heard of some people needing to punch extra holes in the straps or trim the ends of their straps for sizing reasons, but I don’t think the typical person will need to do that stuff if they buy according to their (accurate) hip measurement.

The RodeoH comes in 9 different sizes: 23-24", 25-26", 27-29", and so on, all the way up to 52-55". While each size seems to allow for only a small range of measurements, the material is actually very stretchy and accommodating; I probably got a size or two smaller than I should have, and my harness still fits nicely, albeit snugly. RodeoH recommends sizing down for more control during thrusting anyway.

If you’re very small and have a hip measurement between 23" and 26", the RodeoH is probably the better choice for you because the Jag won’t get small enough to fit you unless you make some alterations yourself.

Getting In and Out

Obviously it’s hard to beat the RodeoH in this category, since you just step into it and pull it up, like underwear. Same dealio when you take it off.

The Jag looks a bit more intimidating to put on, but actually, if you leave one side undone each time you finish using it, it only takes a few seconds to step into it and get it fastened up. Here’s a video of the founder of Aslan Leather demonstrating this technique (it’s SFW – he puts it on over his pants).

Comfort

I find both of these harnesses very comfortable, though I think the RodeoH wins in this category simply because, well, it’s basically a pair of underwear. Hard to get much comfier than that.

I can imagine that the Jag could get a little hard to deal with if you were wearing it under pants for hours at a time, or if you had to sit on a hard chair for a while, because of the metal D-rings in the ass region.

I also have more slippage with the Jag – the butt straps sometimes give me a wedgie, possibly because of my sizeable booty. I don’t have this issue with the RodeoH because, of course, it doesn’t have straps.

Dildos and O-Rings

Neither my Jag nor my RodeoH came with extra O-rings. That makes sense for the RodeoH, because you can’t switch out the 1.5" O-ring it comes with; it’s sewn right into the harness, and has a little bit of stretch to allow for larger dildos. But you can swap out the O-ring on the Jag, so I was surprised that it didn’t come with any additional rings.

The O-ring that comes with the Jag has a 2" diameter, which is pretty big. I have some smaller rings that came with my Tantus Bend Over Beginner kit, so I put one of those in. Replacing the O-ring is easy: you just have to undo the 3 snaps surrounding the ring area, take out the old one, put in the new one, and do up the snaps again.

The unchangeable O-ring on the RodeoH makes it an unwise choice if you plan on using dildos significantly smaller than 1.5" in diameter. I find that dildos in the 1.25"-or-smaller range flop around a little in the RodeoH, while I can get them to stand at attention better in my Jag if I use an appropriately-sized O-ring. And of course, the fixed size of the RodeoH’s ring also means that it can’t accommodate dildos much larger than its ring’s diameter.

Both harnesses work best with flat-based dildos that don’t have balls, though I imagine you could get a testicled dildo into the Jag with a wide enough O-ring and some gentle jimmying.

Fucking/Thrusting

Full disclosure: I don’t currently have a willing strap-on partner, so all the testing I did in this department was done in mid-air or in a faux vagina I made by cupping my hand. Sorry!

When my Jag is properly adjusted and tightened all the way around, it’s very stable. I do find I get some slippage in the back D-rings after a while, but that’s easily fixed by quickly tightening ‘em up.

The RodeoH is definitely less stable and there is more flopping around and less control, because of the lack of straps and tightenability (that’s not a word, I know, but I just coined it). As I said above, buying a size or two smaller can help a bit with this, but I think if you need a lot of stability, you’re gonna need an old-fashioned two-strap harness.

Pleasure for the Wearer

The Jag was designed specifically so that the dildo would rest on top of the clit during use, creating more pleasure for the wearer. And damn, it works. Mine doesn’t sit directly on my clit but maybe an inch above, which is actually where I prefer to be stimulated – on the upper shaft of my clit. Even just fucking my hand produces a lot of pleasure for me. I don’t know if I could reach orgasm that way, but it feels pretty awesome.

The dildo sits higher in my RodeoH, on my pubic mound, so there is some pleasure but not as much. However, the RodeoH has something the Jag doesn’t: a little pouch behind the dildo, where you can tuck a bullet vibe if you so desire. That makes up for the less-than-ideal dildo placement, if you ask me.

Should you want to use a double-ended dildo like the Feeldoe, the Jag is your man: there’s no fabric or leather between the dildo and your body, so you’re free to self-penetrate as much as you want. The RodeoH has some fabric behind the dildo so you can’t use double-ended dildos with it, and it’s hard (if not impossible) for the wearer to receive any genital stimulation while wearing it.

Sex Appeal

As a femme person, I definitely feel hotter in the Jag. The leather and styling strike me as classically sexy without being particularly gendered. The RodeoH, on the other hand, feels pretty boyish; I can imagine myself loving the look of it if I was doing some kind of boy/butch roleplay, but as my regular girly self, it doesn’t quite gel with my aesthetic and gender identity.

However, RodeoH has a lace panty style which is sexy as hell and very feminine. Options, yay!

Price

You can get the classic RodeoH brief for $45, or the boxer style or panty style for $49. As far as high-quality harnesses go, those are excellent prices.

The Jaguar is anywhere from $95 to $120 depending on where you get it from. The price was a pretty big deterrent to me, honestly, on my student budget. I only ended up buying the Jag because EcoSex was having a Canada Day sale and I was able to get it for $85 including shipping and tax. And even that felt pretty steep to me.

Other Considerations

Aslan Leather products have a lifetime guarantee, so if your harness breaks, they will repair or replace it for free.

My (cis male) boyfriend is able to comfortably wear the RodeoH and fuck me with dildos that way. His average-sized (about 6") penis doesn’t get squished by the harness even when he’s hard. Harnesses specifically for cis dudes do exist, but they’re pretty pricey as far as I’ve ever seen.

Aslan harnesses are handmade here in Canada, while RodeoH harnesses are made in China.

RodeoH harnesses can be worn as makeshift underwear if, say, it’s been too long since you’ve done your laundry. (Naughty!)

Conclusion

…Well, I don’t know if I have a conclusion. I don’t think either of these harnesses necessarily came out on top; it all just depends on what you’re looking for in a harness. I know that both will serve me well in my lifetime, even if I don’t have a strap-on partner at the moment.

Both of these harnesses are gorgeous, well-made, and get the job done. I’m so happy I own them.

What’s the harness of your dreams? Or, what’s your favorite harness you’ve ever tried?