Sex toys
• An ice cube barely counts as a sex toy, but nonetheless: temperatures soared in Toronto this month and I enjoyed trying some temperature play with my partner. While this activity is often included in “Spice things up!” articles for vanilla people, for me it was a distinctly kinky experience that resulted in a lot of screaming and a deep, disorienting subspace. Pro tip: Tovolo King Cube ice trays create extra-large ice cubes that work better (and longer) for this purpose than the standard size.
• Tweezers aren’t really a sex toy either, but I enjoy using them as a sadomasochistic tool in scenes where I’m playing a dominant role, with partners who don’t mind getting groomed by a mean brat. Mine are Sephora-brand but maybe one day I’ll update to a fancy pair of Tweezermans.
Fantasy fodder
• I wrote something in my newsletter this month about the ethical minefield that is fantasizing about incels (“involuntary celibates”). Much like a related fantasy of mine – taking a young man’s virginity – this one is mostly about the utter delight and surprise that the other person would radiate at me. It’s still weird to have sexual fantasies about people I consider ethically abhorrent like incels (and Chuck Bass), but hey, your fantasy life is your fantasy life.
• I’ve long had an uneasy fascination with wedding culture and this month I started thinking a lot about the absurd tradition that is wedding-night sex. I asked for stories from my Twitter followers about this particular rite of passage and got some interesting replies. I’m not much for “romantic sex,” so if I was getting married, probably that night would involve impact play and a collar and leash… or just, y’know, sleep. (P.S. I have a truly ridiculous “wedding” Pinterest board from when I was in university and fantasized about this type of thing to calm myself down at times of high anxiety, incase you’re into that.)
• Sir and I did a roleplay this month of their devising, in which I was starring in a high school production of Into the Woods (a mutual fave show) and they were in the tech crew. They came to my dressing room to compliment me on my singing and… things escalated. It reminded me of how much fun high-school roleplays can be: the excitement, the novelty, the hormones, oh my!
Sexcetera
• Very excited to announce that my new podcast collaboration with the incomparable Brent Black is live! It’s called Question Box and you should be able to find it on most podcast providers. It’s a game show where guests and hosts compete to see who can answer the most shockingly personal questions on air. Give it a listen – and pledge to our Patreon if you like supporting weird comedy!
• Sextistics: This month I had in-person sex 21 times, which is a frankly wacky amount of sex for a person in a long-distance relationship to be able to have. (We spent two weekends together instead of just one like we usually do.) I had phone sex 20 times, totaling 41 sex sessions – a record high for the year so far!
Femme stuff
• One of my most gleeful fashion/beauty moments of the month was when Matt and I wore matching outfits – their tie was almost the exact same print as my dress – and matching lipstick (Fire & Ice by Revlon, a classic).
• I got a lot of opportunities to do Matt’s makeup this month and it was so fun. This coppery smoky eye was maybe my fave. I haven’t done many people’s makeup in my life, which makes it feel extra intimate and special to do it on my partner.
• My friend and roommate Sarah gave me a pink and blue scarf that is soooo my style. Trust a femme to get you the exact right thing for your look!
Media
• I enjoyed Dear Edward, a forthcoming novel by Ann Napolitano about a 12-year-old boy who is the sole survivor of a plane crash that kills his family. It sounds sad, and it is, but it’s also incredibly hopeful and sweet and charming.
• Everyone on my Twitter timeline was freaking out about an essay called “The Crane Wife,” and I read it and it was as good as expected. It has a lot to say about the ways our patriarchal culture is set up to make women squash their own needs in order to “get” and “keep” a man.
• One of my fave outings this month was seeing Some Like It Hot on a giant outdoor movie screen at the Corktown Common with my mom. It’s a fave movie for both of us so it was fun to share the experience of watching it with a bunch of strangers under the stars!
Little things
Catsitting Sarah’s cats and talking out loud to them constantly. Veggies with hummus. Going to the art gallery with Matt to languish in air conditioning on a really hot day. Drunkenly playing the piano at Civil Liberties (Nick, the bartender that night, sent over a glass of amaro to me for “classing up the joint” – best). Pasta salad. Hanging out with Rey in their last month in Toronto (for the time being, anyway). Birthday cake donuts at Bloomer’s, spinach-feta croissants at Jimmy’s Coffee, and maple glazed donuts at Krispy Kreme. Karaoke nights at the Fox. Playing Use Your Words over whiskey shots with friends. Lying on my childhood bedroom floor to soak it in for the last time, before we sold the house. My room at my parents’ new house. Cooking at home. Phone sex until 3 a.m. Dancing my ass off at a wedding.
Of course, being metal, this toy lends itself well to temperature play, if you’re into that. Being scratched by cold talons is a cool sensation, and the shaft and handle of the toy could also feel delicious on the skin if pre-cooled in cold (not too cold!) water. You could also heat the toy up for even more sensory possibilities.