Trump

Monthly Faves: Blue Leather & Deep Rest

Kate Sloan

Wow, it’s been a long while since I’ve done one of these! Here are some of my fave things from January and December…

 

Media

• Matt and I devoured all of Schitt’s Creek together in a matter of weeks, and it’s truly wonderful. Dan Levy is a national treasure, Catherine O’Hara’s costumes and diction regularly made me screech, and it’s so amazing to see queer relationships being depicted in a setting that intentionally lacks homophobia. Would recommend if you’re looking for a new feel-good show to watch and you love black leather, musical theatre, pansexual weirdos, and/or silly sitcoms.

• Some TikTok youths started collaboratively writing Ratatouille: the Musical as a joke, and then it turned into an actual show benefiting the Actors Fund. I hadn’t seen Ratatouille so we watched it the night before seeing the livestreamed musical. The songs absolutely slap; I was particularly enamored with Tituss Burgess’s impassioned portrayal of Remy the rat, and Adam Lambert singing the hell out of a bop called “Rat’s Way of Life.”

• I got to read an advance copy of Torrey Peters’ new novel Detransition, Baby, and it’s a fucking tour de force. A trans woman writing a poignant trans and queer story full of wit, wonder, and social commentary? Yes please!

• The brilliant music writer Sean Michaels makes a list every December of his favorite 100 songs of the year, and it’s always a goldmine of fantastic music recommendations and beautiful music writing. The 2020 list was especially juicy; I made a playlist of my faves and have been steadily absorbing them ever since.

• In an attempt to understand the former president’s psychology a little better (such as it is), I read his niece Mary Trump’s excellent book Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man. Here are my highlights from the book, if you’re curious. There is some absolutely buckwild shit in there.

 

Products

• Matt’s present to me for our 3rd anniversary was a set of pale blue leather bondage restraints from Anoeses. It’s sooo luxe and stunning. I keep wanting to dress up in lingerie + heels + these restraints to do a super glamorous kinky photoshoot.

• I’ve been really enjoying the ways in which my partner and I play with consensual financial domination lately. (Should I do a blog post reviewing all the fancy presents I’ve “forced” them to buy for me?!) One of the manifestations I think we both enjoy most of this is when I “make” them buy me things when they’re super turned on, as a precondition of letting them out of chastity, or even just giving them some mild vibration with a Magic Wand through their cock cage. One such purchase that made me swoon this month was a Coach Willis bag colorblocked with black, grey, and pale blue. I’ve always loved the Willis style for its structured shape and clean lines, and already own a vintage black one, but the modernized, updated design is gorgeous in its own way and feels very grown-up. Maybe I’ll wear it to some businessy event in the future, if such a thing exists…

• Another recent findom gift: a navy-blue Extra Large Warmer scarf from Yokoo, whose knitwear I’ve always thought was sublime. She made me a cranberry-colored cowl a few years back that is definitely one of the warmest things I own (which is important to us Canadians!), and this new one is every bit as cozy and makes me feel like urban glamour personified.

• With new variants of COVID floating around, it seemed prudent to invest in some better masks than the flimsy fabric ones from Etsy I bought early last year and had been wearing ever since. I bought a trio of new ones from Sartor Masks and am very happy with them – they’re made of double- or triple-layered sturdy fabric, have a pocket for a filter, have nose wires that can actually contend with my big ol’ schnoz, and seem to fog up my glasses less egregiously than other masks have. Yay!

• Speaking of masks, albeit of a different kind… I’m an eye-mask evangelist, because wearing one every night has improved my sleep quality massively, thereby lessening a lot of my chronic illness symptoms. I decided to upgrade mine recently, and took the Wirecutter’s recommendation to buy a Nidra Deep Rest mask. It is truly next-level. Adjustable velcro strap, contoured nose gap, and deep eye cups that don’t interfere with the natural eye-fluttering that happens during sleep. Divine.

 

Work & Appearances

• The revered art-porn company Andrew Blake asked me to write some blog posts for them, so I wrote about sexy loungewear’s effect on self-esteem and the (un)importance of penis size.

• You know how some couples announce their engagement/marriage in the New York Times? Well, the first publication (other than my own) to acknowledge my marriage was Vice, in this great Chingy Nea article about making long-distance relationships work. Couldn’t have hoped for a better coronation into wifehood!

• The amazing folks at SheVibe have been making trading cards of sex educators, and I was so flattered that they asked me if I’d like to be included! My card makes me so happy. I only wish I really owned that cool blue leather jacket my illustrated avatar is sporting!

• As part of my continuing protocol where I have to learn and record at least one song per month, I recently learned how to play the song “Harvey” by Her’s, an earworm that had been haunting me. It’s a really fun track based on the play/movie Harvey – yes, the one with the giant imaginary rabbit. I love having a ukulele with me here while I’m stuck in New York – it makes it much easier to be away from home for this long.

• Recent discussion topics on the Dildorks included making marriage kinky, orgasm quandaries, our 2020 sex lives in review, household service in D/s dynamics, platonic touch and intimacy, sex and aging, and what happens when your long-distance relationship isn’t long-distance anymore.

• Some recent favorite essays from my Sub Missives newsletter: daydreams about the ideal New Year’s Eve outfit, answers to questions from the Sex subreddit, reminiscences of sneaky dildo adventures, and reflections on capitalism + card games with the cool kids.

 

Good Causes

• The Black Trans COVID-19 Fund provides the Black trans community with food, shelter, healthcare, and other necessities. They are doing important work and deserve your support!

• The Innocence Project works to exonerate people who have been wrongfully convicted and jailed, using DNA evidence. Brilliant and necessary.

• Unicorn Riot is a nonprofit independent media organization that seeks to “expose root causes of dynamic social and environmental issues through amplifying stories and exploring sustainable alternatives in today’s globalized world.”

• The Emergency Release Fund helps bail out trans people who have been jailed in New York City, because pre-trial detention can be a particularly high-risk time for trans folks.

Links & Hijinks: Blowjobs, Dopamine, & Carmen Miranda

Kate Sloan

• Girl on the Net wrote about rediscovering the real joy of sex after stressing yourself out thinking that sex “should” be joyful. I love pieces like this which acknowledge the sometimes unglamorous realities of sex, which many people feel broken for experiencing.

• Here’s some men talking about their sex toys. There’s lots to like about this article, but I particularly lost my shit over this line: “Men can orgasm at the drop of a hat, generally speaking (at least if it’s a particularly sexy hat — I’m thinking a Carmen Miranda fruit hat, that big wide-brimmed one Beyonce wears in the Formation video, one of those ones that has a beer can on either side).”

• Is mocking a man’s small dick on par with the body-shaming experienced by women? To me, the answer is “obviously yes,” but this article is still worth a read, if just for the absurd story therein about two Instagram models whose post-breakup drama played out online in the form of passive-aggressive dick snipes.

• “I can’t stop thinking about penetration” is one of the best opening sentences I’ve read in a while. Here, the Establishment’s Katie Tandy writes beautifully about penis envy and power dynamics.

• The great Alana Hope Levinson’s thoughts on “the cuckboi” made me shriek with laughter. “The cuckboi understands that there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism, unless you’re eating pussy.” TOO GOOD.

• On the loquacious raving and “intrusive thinking” that happens when you have a new crush: “When the object of your desire isn’t around, and therefore you lack that dopamine rush in your brain, you might feel like you’re in withdrawal. So, you may try to achieve small dopamine rushes from talking about your crush to your friends.” Gawd, I am so guilty of this. Sorry, friends.

• My bestie wrote about why they love blowjobs. *sigh* Why am I not blowing anyone right now?! (Well… this post was prewritten and queued up in advance, so I guess it’s possible I am blowing someone right now, as you read this. Who can say?)

• Bex also wrote about sex ed, sex-positivity, and meeting people where they’re at. I love this. I’ve only been working in sex toy retail for two months but I already feel like I’ve learned so much about these concepts from working on the “front lines.”

• This piece on anxiety and productivity is haunting and important. Read this if the current state of the world makes you anxious and so do thoughts of resisting, standing up for what matters, making change.

• Trans kink porn is important! God, this article reeeeeally made me want to watch The Training of Poe…

• Depression may actually have a positive evolutionary purpose. Certainly puts things in perspective! “This framing of depression as a space for reflection is empowering, and lends a degree of agency to the person being pressed down,” Drake Baer writes. “Like anxiety, depression might be trying to tell you something.”

• A “boyfriend dick” is the kind of dick you could see yourself settling down with. I must say, though, I prefer the more gender-inclusive phrase “good dick,” which really says it all! (Incase it wasn’t obvious: the concept of a “good dick” is very subjective. Please don’t worry about whether your dick is good or not. If you keep it clean and use it respectfully, there are lots of people who would consider it a “good dick,” I promise.)

• What happens when best friends control each other’s vibrators?! (I think me and Bex should try this sometime.)

• Maybe we need to reject body-positivity and embrace body-neutrality. I love this idea! “Neutrality is the freedom to go about your day without such a strong focus on your body,” says one of the people quoted in this article.

• JoEllen wrote some spot-on guidelines for having good, ethical casual sex.

• This piece about Trump and BDSM argues that consent education, and the communication skills one can learn through practicing kink, are more critical than ever in our current political climate. Interesting stuff.

• I loved this short piece about pain, mindfulness, and transcendence. It spins a whole world out of a few moments of intense (consensual) pain, which is indeed what those experiences feel like to me sometimes.