vibrator

Review: Lelo Mona Wave

Kate Sloan

There are a number of missteps that get sex bloggers up in arms. Conflating vulvas with vaginas. Sexist or racist toy marketing. Medical misinformation. We hate all of those things, but if you really wanna set off sex blogger tantrums galore, try telling us sex toys are a substitute for a human partner. Oh, we will flip our wigs.

So, what I’m about to say is somewhat sacrilegious, but: the Lelo Mona Wave is a sex toy which makes it glaringly, dishearteningly obvious that I am fucking a sex toy and not a person.

Normally this wouldn’t bother me. I’m under no illusions about sex toys needing to feel like real dicks, or mouths, or what have you. I know that human partners edge out toys in terms of spontaneity, excitement and responsiveness, but toys usually win when it comes to intense G-spot stimulation, hyper-efficient orgasms, or multi-tasking. But there’s something about the Mona Wave that routinely makes me sad it’s not a person. Like, deeply, disproportionately sad.

The Mona Wave is basically Lelo’s answer to Fun Factory’s Stronic line: automated thrusting for lazy masturbators comme moi. But while the Stronic thrums back and forth like a thrusting cock, the Mona Wave curls up and down like the come-hither-ing fingers of a G-spot-savvy lover. If that lover was extremely stoned or had just taken an elephant tranquilizer.

See, the Mona Wave’s motion is slooooow. There are two movement speeds, and they might as well be called “leisurely” and “tortoise-esque.” And that slowness is what makes me wish the toy was a human. It tries to directly imitate something humans do – that intense finger-curling that pleases so many G-spots the world over – but it does a bad job at replicating this act. If the Mona Wave were a human, I could sit up, give it a slightly exasperated look, and chirp, “Faster, please!” But it’s not a human, so I can’t do that. And it makes me feel… weirdly lonely.

Getting finger-fucked is one of my favorite acts. I fantasize about it frequently, and it’s often the way I get off with partners, their thick fingers stroking my insides as I hold a vibe to my clit. But what makes it exciting for me is the dynamism. It’s electrically hot to feel someone’s fingers quicken inside you when they sense that you need that, or ramp up the power of their thrusts as they feel you getting close. A well-attuned partner might slow down as you descend from the peak of your orgasm, or keep pounding at top speed if you prefer that. The Mona Wave doesn’t do any of these things, or even approximate them convincingly. And I know a toy isn’t a person, but it feels like Lelo has sent me a toy to do a person’s job.

Aside from the lacklustre motion settings, there’s not a whole lot to say about the Mona Wave. It vibrates, too, but as other reviewers have noted, the vibrations are disappointingly weaker than those on the standard Mona 2. I can rarely get off with the Mona 2 anyway – its vibrations are rumbly-ish but still just a liiiittle too buzzy for my demanding clit – so the Wave’s non-motion modes aren’t terribly exciting to me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had several wonderful orgasms with the Mona Wave. But the G-spot stimulation is so tantalizingly slow that it feels like a partner is trying to keep me on the edge without letting me go over. If you’re into that sort of carefully meted sensation denial, you might enjoy the Mona Wave‘s lackadaisical stroking. But if your G-spot needs speed or pressure (and most need both), I’d recommend a Stronic thruster instead, or any decent G-spot dildo you can thrust by hand. You deserve better than a toy that almost gives you what you want.

Thanks for sending me this toy, Lelo!

Review: Shibari Mini Halo Wand

Kate Sloan

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I wanted to like the Shibari Mini Halo Wand. And there is so much that I do like about it. But it has a fatal flaw that I just can’t get past, no matter how much I try to convince myself it doesn’t matter.

So let’s get the Mini Halo’s hamartia out of the way right off the top. When you turn it on, it starts at the strongest vibration speed. If you want to get to the lowest speed instead, you have to hit the “change speed” button eight times.

Please take a moment to visualize yourself trying to press a vibrator’s button exactly eight times in the middle of a masturbation session – no more, no less. And then imagine yourself needing to do that multiple times during any given session. And then imagine yourself throwing the vibrator across the room in a fit of rage. Congratulations, you have just experienced a fraction of the aggravation I endured while trying to test the Shibari Mini Halo Wand.

See, when I use vibrators, I always begin at the lowest speed. My clit is sensitive so I need to start gentle and ramp up from there. If I start at a moderate or high power level, not only will it feel painful and uncomfortable, but it’ll also get me real numb real fast. And that significantly lowers my likelihood of reaching orgasm. So the lowest speed is the way to go, at least at first.

If you read that last paragraph and thought, “That’s not just you, GJ – that’s how most people use vibrators,” well, yes, I think you’re probably right. Which is why it’s so annoying that Shibari chose to design their wand this way. I could understand having the wand remember the speed you used last time and starting there, like the Doxy Wand does; I could even understand having the wand start at the top speed if there was also a “go to the lowest speed” button, to make that process instantaneous. But there isn’t. You gotta hit that middle button eight fucking times to get it to speed number one.

If it seems like I’m harping on this a lot, that’s because I am. And also because it irritates the fuck out of me. This wand could have been so great if not for this one issue.

The Mini Halo is a wonderful size for a wand vibrator. It fits in my hand comfortably, and is large enough to feel impactful but small enough to fit into a purse. The head is shaped such that you can get broad or narrower stimulation depending on how you angle it. The vibe feels solidly constructed, but retails for just $59, less than lots of “fancier” wands on the market.

The vibrations are excellent. They are deep, rumbly and penetrating. The intervals between each of the eight speeds are small, so the cranking-up process feels smooth and gradual rather than jumpy or jarring. The toy is rechargeable and holds its charge for a long time – I’ve had mine for over three months and have only needed to charge it once in that period. Although, admittedly, I probably only used it 7 or 8 times before deciding the deep, strong orgasms it delivers aren’t worth the hassle of dealing with its tragic flaw.

If you want a rechargeable wand vibe, get the Magic Wand, Iconic Wand or PalmPower. If you just want a strong, rumbly, awesome vibrator, get the We-Vibe Tango, Lelo Siri 2 or (again) Magic Wand. If you think you can forgive the Shibari Mini Halo for its major defect, then go for it, because it’s otherwise a top-notch toy – but as for me, I am far too lazy and uncoordinated to press a button exactly eight times after each and every instance of turning my vibrator on.

 

Thanks to Peepshow Toys for sending me this vibe to review!

Review: Jopen Lust L2

Kate Sloan

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I’m always hesitant to review new vibrators, because my clit’s standards are so high. Few vibes make it into my inner circle of classic faves. To win me over, a vibe has got to be rumbly enough, strong enough, pinpointed (but not too pinpointed), easy to hold, easy to charge (or plug in), not too loud, ideally waterproof, and easy to control in the heat of the moment.

The Jopen Lust L2 meets all of these criteria except that last one. (Boooo.) And as it turns out, that’s kind of an important criterion.

I requested the L2 from Peepshow Toys because I’d read some rhapsodic reviews from Dizzy and Peep. They have kinda picky clits, too, so I was intrigued by their enthusiasm about this toy.

And they’re right. It’s an underrated gem of a vibrator. Jopen has historically been very hit-or-miss: their Comet Wand is one of my favorite G-spot toys I’ve ever tried, and their rechargeables are generally considered decent (albeit weird), while their battery-powered vibes can be buzzy, disappointing, or sometimes absurdly overambitious.

But with toys like the L2, Jopen’s done what Lelo seems determined not to do: left off the bells and whistles, kept things simple, and created something that just works well.

The L2 is a cute little hot-pink crescent of silicone. It’s thicker at the base to give you something sturdy to hold onto, and thinner at the tip to give your clit (or other body parts) a little pinpointed action. I like that the tip isn’t so small as to feel laser-focused; it’s just right for me. In fact, its size and shape are similar to that of my clitoral glans when I’m really turned on, so this vibe stimulates my clit, my whole clit, and nothing but my clit. Perf.

The vibrations are a delight. They start rumbly and stay rumbly all the way up to the highest speed, which is easily strong enough to get me off on all but my most desensitized of days. In terms of clit-rumbling power, I’d put the L2 lower on the scale than my beloved Tango (almost nothing compares), but in roughly the same neighborhood as the Lelo Siri 2 and Jimmyjane Form 2. It satisfies my clitoral network in a way that buzzy, surface-level vibes can’t, and since that’s my main criterion for a successful vibrator, the L2 will probably hold a place of honor in my top drawer for a long time to come.

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The fly in the ointment, however, is the way you control the L2’s vibrations. It has only one button – always annoying, but I can deal with a one-button system if it’s relatively intuitive like the Tango‘s. The L2’s isn’t intuitive, at least not for me. You press the button once to turn the toy on, and then press and hold it to turn up the power. The problem is that if you accidentally press the button once instead of holding it down, the vibe turns off. Which, you know… is kind of a boner-killer if you’re, say, right about to come.

I bet I’d get used to this system if this was the only vibe I was regularly using, but it’s not. And as is, it’s a problem that’s mildly distracting at best and completely orgasm-ruining at worst. I can, and do, have terrific orgasms with the L2, but there’s usually lots of stops and starts on the way because I just can’t get used to how this damn button works.

That’s really the only complaint I have about the Jopen Lust L2, though. Its curvy shape sits neatly against my mons and arcs right into my clit. Its silicone is smooth enough to feel good on my vulva but grippy enough to hold onto. Its motor rules. It’s waterproof, very quiet, and cute.

Dat button, tho. It’s the L2’s hamartia, its Achilles heel. Maybe one day I’ll stop being frustrated with it… but that day is not today.

Thank you to the cuties at Peepshow Toys for sending me the L2 to review!

Review: Jimmyjane Iconic Wand

Kate Sloan

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It’s funny that Jimmyjane made a toy called the Iconic Wand when the sex toy world already has an iconic wand. It’s a bit like if Samsung launched a phone called the Iconic Smartphone (bonus points if it was formatted like “iConic”). Like, dude: you’re not fooling anyone.

But I should quit hatin’ on this toy, because it’s actually pretty decent.

My first exposure to the Iconic Wand was when JoEllen mentioned it while I was in Portland. She said that the controls were in an inconvenient place (which they are – more on that in a minute) but I was nonetheless intrigued by the wand’s beautifully simplistic look and its promise of “deep, rumbling vibrations.” So I asked Peepshow Toys to send me one to try, and they hooked me up, like the vibrator angels that they are.

Let’s get this out of the way: the Iconic Wand’s buttons are positioned so oddly that it seems like the toy wasn’t tested by humans prior to its release. Or at least, not by humans with normal wrists with bones and tendons. In order to switch the wand’s mode or speed one-handed, you have to hold it so far down the handle that you’re almost touching the head. Not ideal, Jimmyjane. The toy’s gently curved handle is otherwise very ergonomic and feels good in the hand; this vibe could’ve been improved substantially by just shifting the buttons a few inches up. But alas.

The controls themselves are easy to figure out. There’s a power button and a button that cycles through the wand’s modes and speeds. It has three solid speeds and four patterns, and while I don’t normally love patterns, these ones are kind of great: there’s not a lot of space in between pulses and escalations, so they can actually be a turn-on rather than a drag.

The vibrations are, as advertised, rumbly and strong. YAY. It’s damn impressive that Jimmyjane managed to pack such a punch into a toy that’s only about two-thirds the size of the Hitachi, especially given that Jimmyjane’s vibrations have historically erred on the side of buzzy and inconsistent.

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While I think the Iconic Wand’s vibrations are more than strong enough to give wonderful orgasms to most folks, it doesn’t work all that well for me, because of its shape. The top of the wand is completely rounded off, so I can’t tilt it for a more pinpointed sensation on my clit like I can with more angular wands. It delivers broad, all-over vulva stimulation, unless I use my other hand to hold my labia wide open – and who wants to do that when that hand could be operating a dildo instead?

The Iconic Wand also vibrates the fuck out of my hand no matter where I grip it. Grrr.

But, you know, it looks very pretty while it’s doing that.

I think the Iconic Wand is a marvelous choice if you want a super-powerful vibrator without the size or weight of a standard massager vibe. It’s elegant, waterproof (!!), has great speeds and patterns, and is possibly one of the best things Jimmyjane’s ever made. But if you need pinpoint stimulation or subtler vibrations, or if you have any wrist mobility issues at all, I would skip this one. After all, the Magic Wand Rechargeable is about $10 cheaper and it’s a tried-and-true classic – it is actually iconic, and for good reason.

Thanks so much to the good folks at Peepshow Toys for supplying me with this toy!

Review: Lelo Siri 2

Kate Sloan

There’s a part in How to Be a Woman that’s about boyfriends but reminded me of the Lelo Siri 2. (That should give you an idea of how poorly my love life is going, eh?)

In the passage to which I’m referring, Caitlin writes that a woman who’s unhappy in her relationship will have a million different things to say about it: excuses, justifications, explanations. But a woman whose relationship is going well will be comparatively tight-lipped about it – not because she’s being secretive, but because there just isn’t much to say. “I’m really happy,” she’ll tell you if you ask. “It’s just… good.”

That’s how I feel about the Siri 2. I don’t have a whole lot to say about it, because it’s just… good. Really, really good. Solidly, dependably, surprisingly good.

I say “surprisingly” because Lelo’s product line has been massively hit-or-miss for the past few years. They keep putting out gimmicky bullshit like an oral sex simulator, rotating Kegel beads, and a cock ring for bankers (WHY?!) – and then once in a while they’ll throw in a toy that actually works really well, like the Mona 2. Every time Lelo launches a new toy, I tiptoe toward it hesitantly, like I’m approaching a landmine field: will this new thing make me scream in pain or will it actually get me off?

Well, I’m delighted to report that the Siri 2 has gotten me off. Many, many times. In fact, it snuck into my top 5 all-time favorite vibrators after I’d only owned it for a couple months. It’s that good. Let me tell you why.

The Siri 2 is, of course, an update on the original Siri. (Before you ask: the Lelo toy predates the Apple lady-robot.) I loved the Siri from the get-go. It had what was, at the time, Lelo’s strongest and rumbliest motor ever. Its shape is surprisingly versatile for a clit toy: you can get broad contact or a more pinpointed touch, depending on how you hold it against your body. The controls are easy to understand and operate, the toy locks for travel, and it’s quiet.

Basically, it was everything I want and need in a clit vibe, except that it wasn’t waterproof – a problem that has been rectified in the Siri 2, which you can use in the bath to your heart’s delight. (Which I have. A lot. Thanks, Lelo!)

Lelo achieved what a lot of toy companies seem to fuck up: they overhauled one of their existing toys and actually made it better, without adding (too many) extraneous or useless new features. The Siri 2 is quite a bit stronger than the old one, and it has several new vibration patterns. I don’t normally like vibration patterns – give me steady power or you might as well try to get me off by wiggling a feather on my clit, i.e. it’s not gonna happen – but these ones are actually quite lovely. They can bring me right to the edge and keep me there, which is really what patterns should do: tease and titillate. (And, admittedly, one time I had an orgasm while using the Siri 2 on its weirdest, randomest mode. I was shocked, but pleased.)

For reasons that are confusing to everyone, Lelo also added a sound-responsive setting to this iteration of the Siri, in which the toy is supposed to respond vibrationally to any music you might be listening to or noise you might be making. Call me a shoddy reviewer, but I haven’t even bothered with this mode. Plenty of other reviewers hated it and/or said it didn’t work at all, which fits with Lelo’s M.O. of releasing gimmicky shit that doesn’t appear to have been tested thoroughly enough (*cough* the barely-functional remote control on the original Tiani *cough*). I wasn’t about to let my love for the Siri 2 be ruined by a pointless and poorly designed “music mode” that’s pretty clearly an OhMiBod ripoff anyway, so I didn’t try it. Sorry-not-sorry.

But as a regular ol’ clit vibe, the Siri 2 exceeded my expectations and is pretty close to perfect. It’s hella rumbly and has a wide variety of power settings, from “gentle buzz” all the way up to “HOLY FUCK YES.” The shape of it works splendidly for my clit. The whole unit is comfortable to hold, even for long periods of time. I love being able to take it in the bath. I love the vibration patterns. I love the smooth silicone, grippy plastic, and color options. I love that the controls are so intuitive I can operate them even when I’m drunk or dead-tired or in a hurry.

The buttons are a little hard to push. That’s really my only complaint. And it’s hardly a big deal. I think this problem has actually improved substantially with use, since, you know, mashing on buttons in the throes of ecstasy multiple times a week will tend to loosen ‘em up pretty quick.

So, yes – the Lelo Siri 2 goes wholeheartedly on my list of Vibrators I Definitely Recommend. Put it on your clit and the clits of people you love. It’ll do ya right.

Thank you, Lelo!