violet blue

My Favorite Sex Podcasts

Kate Sloan

I’ve been listening to podcasts for 10 years. GOOD LORD, I’M OLD.

Back during the infancy of the medium, I was 12 years old, and even then I was a sex geek. I remember walking between classes at middle school and listening to Kidder Kaper talking about anal sex, fisting, female ejaculation, and all sorts of other things (conveniently ignoring the warning at the top of every show that you had to be 18+ to listen to it). I felt like a spy; on the outside I looked like an innocent little girl, but my ears and brain were sharing a delicious repartee about wonderfully nasty things.

Contrary to what some folks would posit, consuming sex information at such a young age didn’t mess me up; in fact, I think it made me safer and more conscious about sexuality. And I still listen to sex podcasts to this day. Here are some of my favorites…

Sex is Fun is the first sex podcast I remember ever listening to. It’s not being made anymore, but it had a good run and I think I listened to every single episode. (You can still listen to the whole archive on the show’s website.)

Each episode focuses on a specific topic related to sexuality. In the earlier shows, they were often fairly basic topics, like masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex; later on, they progressed to more complex issues, and also did occasional interviews with sexpert superstars like Susie Bright and Deborah Sundahl.

Different hosts rotated in and out of the show at different times in its progression, but what they all had in common was that they were articulate, smart, knew a lot about sex, and held a completely non-judgmental attitude about everything sex-related (provided it was all safe, sane and consensual, of course). I may not remember the details of individual episodes anymore, but what I vividly remember is that all-accepting, sex-positive attitude. I sincerely think it shaped all the sexual attitudes and beliefs I formed as I grew up – for the better.

Try these episodes: The team talks to Deborah Sundahl about G-spots and female ejaculation. A controversial discussion on ecstatic/orgasmic birth. HIV 101 with HIV/AIDS educator Gay Rick.

Open Source Sex is/was (I’m not sure if she’s still making it?) a podcast created and hosted by Violet Blue, who, if you don’t know, is an amazingly prolific writer, editor, and media-maker in the realms of sex and digital security. In other words, she’s a sex geek and a tech geek. And she has an incredibly gorgeous, sexy voice that’s ultra-soothing to listen to.

She does all sorts of different things on her podcast: discusses sexual issues, interviews sex-world celebrities, and reads erotic and instructional excerpts from her own books and other people’s. It’s a smorgasbord of information and titillation that could bring value to the life of any sex nerd.

Try these episodes: An interview with Shine Louise Houston, creator of the Crash Pad Series. Genital flavors: why you taste the way you do, and how to make changes if you want to. Excerpts from The Castle, a BDSM novel.

Sex Out Loud is Tristan Taormino’s podcast. Tristan needs no introduction because everyone in the sex world knows about her, but incase you don’t: she directs hot-as-fuck porn, writes and edits books about sex and non-monogamy, gives lectures and workshops, co-founded the Feminist Porn Conference, and now hosts this podcast.

Each episode of Sex Out Loud is an in-depth interview with someone who is doing interesting things within their little pocket of sexuality subculture. I started by listening to interviews with people I already knew, and then delved into those with folks I’d never heard of – and I learned new and interesting things from each and every episode.

Try these episodes: A fascinating discussion with Christopher Ryan, co-author of Sex At Dawn. Tristan chats with S. Bear Bergman, author of Butch is a Noun and various other books that I love. Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross on the politics of female masturbation.

The Savage Lovecast is Dan Savage’s podcast. I recognize that lots of people in the sex-positive world take issue with Dan Savage for various reasons, and I agree with them on many of those points. But I can’t deny that I find Dan very entertaining and I think his contributions to LGBT rights advocacy have been overall positive.

Each episode of the Lovecast starts with a “rant” from Dan on some sexual or political (or both) topic that’s in the news. Then he plays calls from listeners and gives them advice. The questions can range from commonplace and vanilla (“How do I come out to my parents?” or “Why doesn’t my girlfriend get off during intercourse?”) to complex and unusual (“Should I have been nicer when I rejected that guy with an adult baby fetish?” or “I found my dad’s stash of ladies’ panties and he had a pair of mine in there; what should I do?”). Dan almost always takes a strong stance one way or the other, and even when I don’t agree with him, I find his responses amusing and thought-provoking.

Try these episodes: Uh, seriously, any of them. They’re all great. Pick one and press play.

Why Are People Into That? is the newest podcast out of all of these. I saw a flier for it when I was at the Feminist Porn Conference and literally gasped as I grabbed one, because the title of this show is the question that fascinates me most about sexuality. Why are people into that?

The show is hosted by Tina Horn, porn performer, sex worker, and writer. She’s smart as a whip, relentlessly thoughtful, and endlessly curious about sex. Each episode has a different guest with whom she discusses a particular fetish or kink, usually one that the person themselves is into.

The discussions are pretty free-form and meandering, like real-life conversations, only they’re a hell of a lot smarter and more interesting than many of the conversations I have in real life!

Try these episodes: Sinclair Sexsmith on power. James Darling on high heels. Siouxsie Q on age play.

Other sex podcasts I’ve heard are good, but haven’t personally gotten the chance to listen to yet:

• The Whorecast

• Sex With Emily

• Sex Nerd Sandra

What are your favorite podcasts about sex?

How to Repopulate Your Sexual Fantasies

Kate Sloan

I bet you can tell, dear readers, that sometimes when I write posts that are ostensibly for you, they are actually for me. “Teach what you need to learn,” as the saying goes.

My sexual fantasy life has been seriously lacklustre as of late. I don’t think of myself as a frequent fantasizer, so I wouldn’t have guessed that this would have such an effect on me, but I’m finding that my orgasms are harder to achieve and that I’ll get 30 seconds into a masturbation session before thinking, “This isn’t that fun. Do I really want to do this?” This happens because my noggin’s devoid of sexy thoughts and images, so I don’t feel sexy.

Aside from general sexual ruts, another good time to repopulate your fantasy world is when you’ve recently gone through the break-up of a sexual relationship – whether that relationship was romantic in nature or just a fuck-buddy type of situation. When you’ve been fantasizing about the same person for ages and then suddenly find you can’t think about that person without wanting to burst into tears, you may find it difficult to get into a sexy headspace.

Well, here I come to save you from your orgasmless misery. Here are my best tips on how to revitalize your sexual fantasies when they’re lacking or in need of a serious overhaul.

1. Watch porn.

Well, duh.

If you’ve already been trying to do this and it hasn’t been working as well as you’d like, I suggest trying a type of porn you don’t usually go for. Maybe something plot-heavy and romantic, or something featuring a different configuration of bodies/genitals than you’ve liked in the past. You never know what could get your gears turning.

2. Look up explicit fanfiction of your favorite fandoms.

Surely there is a TV show, movie, book, or play that you love which features a couple who either a) are really fucking sexy or b) would be really fucking sexy if they actually got together. (Harry and Draco, anyone?)

Archive of Our Own and FanFiction.net are two major hotspots, and if your fandom is popular enough, there may also be fanfiction communities for it on Tumblr. Look for stories marked “explicit” or “smut” or use the aforementioned websites’ filtering functions to seek out those stories for you. Scroll until you spot a pairing that riles you up, and then read, read, read.

3. Ponder the fuckable strangers and acquaintances in your life.

There are sort of two schools of thought on this: some people think it’s creepy as hell to masturbate to folks you know in real life, while some people think it’s natural and there’s nothing wrong with it.

If you don’t find it creepy, or you think you can get past the weird feeling long enough to rub one out, I recommend it. Remember: your fantasy life is 100% private unless you decide to share it with someone. Masturbating to the thought of someone isn’t a violation of that person, unless you do something creepy like tell them you masturbate to the thought of them (which you probably shouldn’t ever do unless the two of you are already fucking each other).

4. Fuck hot celebrities in your mind.

Surely most of you have already done this, right?

5. Read good erotica.

Online, there’s Literotica, which is a bit of a disorganized mess and can be hit-or-miss in terms of writing quality, but also has tons of goldmines to discover.

If you are a bibliophile, here are some erotic anthologies I recommend: the Best Bisexual Women’s Erotica series, the Best Women’s Erotica series (or anything Violet Blue has ever edited, for that matter), Lust, and Sometimes She Lets Me.

6. Make a list of sexual acts you find interesting, and fantasize about those.

MojoUpgrade is a cool resource for ideas for your list. Here’s another one. Keep in mind that your fantasy life is different and separate from your real life, so you can (and maybe should!) fantasize about things that you’re unsure you’d actually want to do IRL.

If it helps, combine this tip with numbers 3 and 4: picture doing all this hot stuff with cute celebrities or people you know.

7. Imagine you’re someone else.

Your fantasies have no limitations – or, rather, the only limitation is your own capacity for creativity. You can be and do whatever and whoever you want, so why not try putting yourself in someone else’s shoes? Try gender-swapping, or insert yourself into a power-play scenario that you likely won’t get to try in real life (student/teacher? parent/babysitter? patient/doctor?).

8. Consume sexual resources to get more ideas.

Right now I’m really digging Tina Horn’s podcast, Why Are People Into That?, which is exactly what it sounds like. The discussions are analytical and intellectual and very inspiring.

Instructional sex books can also give you plenty of ideas. I like The Guide to Getting It On, Sex is Fun, The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus. (Pro tip: a lot of Violet Blue’s instructional books, including the cunnilingus guide just mentioned, have short erotica stories sprinkled throughout that are relevant to the topic at hand. They are always ridiculously hot. I recommend!)

What do you do when your well of sexual fantasies has run dry?

You know you’re a sex nerd when…

Kate Sloan

…you use the words “cunnilingus” and “fellatio” all the time in regular conversation.

…you’re taken aback by any woman who’s upset she can’t climax from intercourse alone, and throw statistics at her.

…you spend a disproportionate amount of time idly surfing Lelo, Njoy, Liberator, and Jimmyjane’s websites.

…you go to a sex shop with a friend and spend the entire time doing mini-reviews of every toy you see, regardless of whether or not you yourself have used it.

…your friends know to ask you if they have a sexual problem or need a toy recommendation.

…you own both The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, have read both thoroughly, and lend them out as needed.

…you quote Violet Blue, Kidder Kaper, Dan Savage, and Tristan Taormino in everyday life.

…you periodically make a huge event out of putting your sex toys in boiling water to sterilize them.

…you react in utter horror to jelly toys.

…you explain to your partner, during sex, the benefits and drawbacks of the position you’re in, and suggest possible alternatives and alterations.

…you have a favorite kind of condom, and you order it in bulk online.

…you’ve repurposed your Lelo boxes into storage for lube and butt plugs.

…the slightest hesitance on your partner’s part causes you to ask them a series of questions to make sure you’re respecting their boundaries.

…you’ve done MojoUpgrade at least 5 times.

…you’ve taken one of your parents to a sex shop before, at their request.

…you know the layout of your local sex boutique so well that you’re thrown off when they change it at all.

…you know the nutritional information and caloric content of semen, menstrual blood, female ejaculatory fluid, and various kinds of flavored lube.

…you own several thick, dark, large towels.

…your first response to any plea for sexual advice is “Ask your partner what they think!”

…you know the efficacy rates of all the birth control methods off the top of your head.

…your masturbation sessions are more like lab experiments.