I get all kinds of interesting reactions from people when they find out I’m a professional sex toy reviewer, from “Yes girl yes, you’re doing the lord’s work!” to “Aren’t you worried you’ll permanently deaden your clit with those things?!” (Uh… no. No I am not.)
Some of these reactions make me smile and some just make me angry – but there’s one that makes me a little sad. I’ve seen it dozens of times: their face will fall when they hear me mention vibrators, and they’ll lean in conspiratorially and confess: “Those have never worked for me. Every time I’ve tried one, it’s felt too strong and overwhelming. Maybe I’m just not the type of person who can use a vibrator.”
Depending on my mood, and on how resolute they seem, sometimes I’ll just shrug and say, “That’s okay! They’re not for everyone!” But there are times when I want to provide some actionable advice, particularly if the person expresses regret for having spent a pretty penny on a vibrator that’s now gathering dust in a drawer somewhere. I want them to get their money’s worth – and I want everyone to have access to as much pleasure as they desire – so I will sometimes convey the following tips for dealing with a seemingly overpowered vibrator…
1. Get very turned on first
If you’re usually an “analog” masturbator, maybe you typically jump straight to your genitals without much warm-up – but that doesn’t always work so well with a vibrator. It can feel jarring, uncomfortable, or even painful to apply a super-strong vibe to unaroused bits. Take the time to turn yourself on with fantasy, porn, erotica, your hand, having a partner talk dirty to you, or whatever else consistently works. If you own another, weaker vibrator, you could even start a session with that before moving on to the “big guns.”
2. …& stay turned on throughout, if possible
Easier said than done for some of us, I know – but I’ve definitely found that vibrators can feel weird if my mind wanders too much from the task at hand while I’m jerking off. I might need to set the vibe down for a few minutes while I get myself turned on again, especially if my brain is feeling particularly anxious or distractible that day due to work stress or other factors.
3. Try it through clothes/layers
These days I rarely apply a wand vibe directly to my junk; typically I keep my underwear on, at minimum, and sometimes my pants too. That’s one of the beautiful things about ultra-strong vibrators: they can still be felt through layers, making them ideal for lazy masturbators or people with energy limitations, mobility issues, etc. that make it tricky to take off one’s clothes. You could also try using your vibrator through a blanket/duvet while you’re in bed, as long as doing so doesn’t make it overheat.
4. Experiment with placement
Strong vibrations can conduct through your flesh/skin/muscle, so you don’t have to apply the toy directly to your most sensitive spot – you can hold it adjacent to that area, to reduce the intensity while still getting some stimulation. For instance, I’ll often start by holding a vibe on my outer labia for a while, before moving it gradually closer and closer to my clit.
5. Try different angles
Depending on your vibrator’s shape, you might find that tilting it slightly can produce a different sensation. For example, I usually use my Magic Wand on an angle, so the corner of the head is pressed against my clit. This conducts the vibration into a smaller shape, so it doesn’t feel quite so overpowered.
6. Take breaks
No one said you have to leave the vibrator on for the whole session! Sometimes I’ll set mine down for a minute or two and just touch myself with my hands for a bit, or even just take a beat to catch my breath here and there. Even a 5- or 10-second break can help your nerve endings “reset” somewhat, so that what follows will feel even better.
7. Get an attachment
If your vibrator is a standard-sized wand, you can get an attachment for it, like the Vixen Gee Whizzard. These help to focus the vibration into a more pinpointed shape, and also soften the vibration somewhat. While many such attachments are designed to stimulate the G-spot or prostate, you don’t have to insert them – they can feel good on a clit or a dick as well.
8. Kinkify the discomfort
The overwhelming feeling of using a strong vibrator isn’t inherently a bad thing – for some people, it’s hot! You might find it easier to endure these types of sensations if a hot pervert has instructed you to do so… or even if you just imagine that’s the case. Sometimes it’s fun to have an orgasm that feels a little scary!
9. Try it underwater, if possible
Provided that your vibrator is waterproof (check its instruction manual), you might find that using it in the bath softens the vibrations somewhat. Sometimes I even like to hold a strong vibrator an inch or two away from my clit, to enjoy how it makes the water vibrate, thereby stimulating me indirectly. Physics are cool!
10. Use it for muscle massage, or on someone else
Even if a vibrator isn’t your genitals’ cup of tea, other parts of your body might enjoy it – maybe your tense neck and shoulders after an arduous work day, for instance, or the soles of your feet after a long walk. You could also use the vibrator on a partner, if they’re into that – or sanitize it and give it away to a friend who’s excited to inherit it. How magnanimous of you!
What other strategies have worked for you when a vibrator feels too strong?