E-mail: me [at] girlyjuice.net
Want to buy me something? Vibrators, dildos, assorted accoutrements
Disclosure notice: Many posts here contain affiliate links from which I make money if you buy the linked products. If a sex toy retailer is thanked at the end of the post, the toy in question was provided to me for free by that retailer in exchange for a fair and honest review.
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Review: Tantus Charmer
(The Charmer is the pink ripply one! Other dildos pictured: Happy Valley Perk, Tantus Comet, Tantus Raptor, Fun Factory Rainbow Amor, Vixen Leo, Tantus Mark O2, and Tantus Vamp. Um, I have a lot of Tantus toys.)
The Tantus Charmer is tiny, at only 1 1/8” in diameter, and I have a habit of buying unnecessarily small dildos, which is how it ended up in my collection.
However, I’m really pleased with it. It’s like anal beads for my vag.
I know, that sounds weird, given that the vagina’s opening doesn’t widen and narrow around incoming objects like the ass does. But the feeling is still strangely similar.
The Charmer has a series of ridges along its front, which bump up against my G-spot again and again as I slide it in and out. So despite its modest girth, I can really feel it.
Mine is a gorgeous shade of pearl pink. Normally I wouldn’t choose pink over other color options but this particular incarnation of the color is lovely.
I think this would be a great dildo for someone who likes G-spot stimulation but is too tight to use most traditional G-spot toys.
It’s also a fabulous toy for anal play, and would (I imagine) work brilliantly for pegging, since it not only feels wonderful but is also small and non-representational.
The Charmer, though too small to satisfy size queens and kings, is one of the better tiny dildos I’ve impulsively bought.
Best of all, it’s in Tantus’ closeout section, so you can get it for only – wait for it – $20! I am not normally one to use the word “amazeballs” but I feel that it’s an apt word to describe this situation.
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4 Ways to Bring a Little More Gay Into Your Life
As the Pride festival nears, I’m spending a lot of time pondering my queerness. Specifically, where my queerness fits into my life as a person in a “straight” relationship.
Being bisexual has always been a bit of a struggle for me, identity-wise, because ever since I came out I’ve always hated the idea of being mistaken for straight or gay (both of which have happened to me countless times). I wish people would just “read” me as bi, but it rarely seems to happen.
And now that I’ve been dating a man for over two years, and have a gender presentation that’s as cis and femme as ever, it seems my queerness always gets lost in the shuffle. Even in queer spaces, I don’t always feel understood or seen. I’ve gotten booed for kissing my boyfriend at Pride events, I’ve had people try to explain basic LGBTQ concepts to me as if they’d be totally foreign to my mind, I’ve had people give me stares that say “What are you doing here?” It makes me sad.
Bleeding-heart complaints aside, I know that there are other people who feel the way I do – people whose identity straddles some line(s) between hetero and queer, and who feel skewered on that fence. Here are some suggestions for how you can re-access the gay side of yourself, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost it a little bit.
1. Volunteer for an LGBTQ organization. There is surely one in your area, so get Googlin’! I’m using the word “organization” broadly here – you could do fundraising at your local nonprofit, get in contact with school administrators to see if you can help set up GSAs, join the street team for your city’s Pride festival, or even see if your local LGBT yoga group needs help washing mats. It can be enormously nourishing to meet new people from your community and to do good work for that community. (And baby, if you ain’t got no time, maybe you could give some money instead.)
2. Consume queer media. If you do this already, do it more! Some recommendations: books by S. Bear Bergman and Ivan Coyote, porn by Courtney Trouble and Shine Louise Houston, documentaries about the LGBT community, and The L Word in its entirety.
3. Wear a queer talisman. Granted, plenty of LGBT folks think it’s tacky as hell to wear a rainbow bracelet or gay suspenders or what have you. But, honestly, when I’m going into a situation where I absolutely do not want people to mistake me for straight, sometimes it makes me feel a whole lot better to adorn myself in one or two loud-and-queer accessories. My talisman of choice is usually my rainbow wristband – it goes with every outfit!
4. Re-read old journals/blog posts/love letters from when you had your first same-sex crush. Remember how weird and crazy that felt? How scared and yet excited you were? Remember all the concerns these new feelings raised for you – how/when/whether to come out, what label(s) fit you best, what it all meant? Those seminal experiences paved your path into a queer identity and (hopefully) community, so they’re worth revisiting if you’re feeling a little cloudy on those topics.
I know there will inevitably be people who want to tell me something like, “Just be who you are! It doesn’t matter whether people think you’re straight or whether you’ve ‘got enough gay in your life.’ Just live your life.” And they’re right, to a certain extent… but hey, queer folks should know better than anyone that sometimes you gotta engage in some self-care in order to feel okay about how people are reacting to you. And this is some of mine.
Photo credit: Sue Maguire.
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Book Review: The Stripper’s Guide to Looking Great Naked
I discovered this book in a random way. A few weeks ago, while getting ready for a Body Pride workshop, I suddenly realized I was on my period. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to sit on a stranger’s floor for hours while completely naked and menstruating, but it seems like risky business. So I opened up Google and started searching to see what other people recommended.
The Stripper’s Guide to Looking Great Naked came up on Google Books, because there’s a small section about periods in it. It told me to wear a tampon with the string shoved inside – which I did, and everything worked out great. Intrigued, I decided to buy and read the rest of the book.
It’s not written by actual strippers, but rather, by women who interviewed hundreds of strippers. I admit I would have found it more interesting if the book was primarily direct quotes from real strippers discussing their real techniques, rather than just a summary of what was gleaned from interviews. But there’s still a lot of valuable stuff in here.
I was reading the book mostly out of a desire to look better while doing casual naked activities – lying in bed, maybe playing Strip Scrabble at parties, that kind of thing – and not so much to learn about how to actually strip. So, I mostly skimmed over the parts about dance moves, choosing songs to get down to, and how to set flattering lighting for your show. But that stuff is in here and many aspiring bedroom dancers would find it useful.
What I really appreciated were the aesthetic tips and tricks: how to choose a flattering hairstyle for your body type, how to achieve a strippertastic “smoky eye,” how to make your boobs look bigger with bronzer, and so on. There were also some quirkier tips, like how to create a makeshift bra out of masking tape and how to do a beauty routine if you’re stuck at your boyfriend’s house with no supplies on hand. This is all good info for any femme lady – though I don’t know if it’s stuff you need to buy this book for. Much of this information can be found in beauty magazines and YouTube tutorials, truth be told.
My boyfriend, who was reading over my shoulder for part of this short book, thought it was funny that the authors recommended massaging coffee grounds into your ass to temporarily reduce cellulite. As for me, I thought it was funny when they recommended using a handheld vibrating massager to get fat deposits moving – with no mention whatsoever of using it to vibrate more interesting areas. Come on, ladies!
So, while The Stripper’s Guide to Looking Great Naked was a fun read, I’m not sure I actually learned much from it that I hadn’t seen in Cosmo or Vogue or maybe even Seventeen. But if you’re thinking about making stripteases a regular part of your life, this would be a good primer.
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3 Non-Sexual Things That Made Me Better at Sex
I find it simultaneously comforting and awe-inspiring that sex is such a holistic activity. It uses your body (obvi!) as well as your logic, your emotions, and sometimes even your spirit, if you believe in such a thing.
If you think of it that way, you start to realize how much your various life experiences have made you not only a better person but also a better sexual person. Here are some of my recent revelations in that regard…
1. Owning a pet.
No, y’all, this is not about bestiality!
When you own a pet – a pet who you love and touch and spend time with – you have to be attuned to that animal’s moods and responses. If you stroke your cat too lightly, it could tickle her, but if you push down too hard, it could hurt. If you give your dog too many snuggles, he might feel smothered and take off, but if you give him room to breathe, he’ll probably chillax. Get my drift?
Learning how to love your pet is a great way to learn how to walk right up to a sexual partner’s affection/pleasure threshold without crossing any lines that might cause them discomfort or pain. Of course, non-pet-owners can and do learn these skills too, but surely having a pet is more fun!
2. Volunteering at a support hotline.
I may have mentioned that I sometimes work at a phone line where youth can call in with questions about relationships, sex, or whatever’s troubling them. It can be emotionally draining work and I have to keep up with my self-care in order to do it, but in a lot of ways it’s also very fulfilling.
One of the things we learn in our training is a “basic listening sequence,” i.e. a series of active listening techniques. It involves things like asking open-ended questions (“How does that make you feel?”), mirroring emotions (“Sounds like you’re feeling angry”), normalizing (“Yes, a lot of people have that same problem”), and avoiding giving direct advice (“What do you think would happen if you were to try x?”). And guess what? A lot of these techniques translate well to having hard conversations with your sexual partner(s).
I am a firm believer in having occasional check-ins with your lover instead of just letting things always remain the way they are. It’s good to ask, “Are you happy with our sex life?” “Is there anything you’d like me to do differently?” “Is there anything new you’d like to try?” Asking these sorts of questions, and then actively listening to the responses, has taken my sex life to amazing new levels time and time again.
3. Yoga.
Oh, man. Even just typing the word “yoga” makes my body feel all buzzy and calm and blissed out. It is a mega restorative practice for body and mind.
This barely even needs to be explained, but: anything that makes you more aware of your body (how it moves, how it feels, what it is and isn’t capable of) will naturally make you better at sex and more able to enjoy yourself during sexual experiences.
Not to mention, a lot of the slow, methodical, meditative breathing stuff that you learn in yoga classes is sorta similar to the mindful breathing that tantric practitioners preach about.
What non-sexual practices make your sex life better?
Photo credits: YouWall, SelfAssess Listen, Women’s Health.
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Sharing the Sexy #23
• A quadriplegic man learned to have orgasms with his thumb instead of his penis. Amazing!
• Lelo and We-Vibe are having a legal battle. So sad, ‘cause I love ‘em both.
• Queer sex advice for straight ladies! This article is all about breaking down sexual scripts and having sex the way you want to, not the way society dictates. Yes!
• SPIT, a feminist porn collective, is raising money. Go donate and you can get a membership!
• Happy endings for women, hooray!
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Porn Review: Sexing the Transman XXX Volume 3
The legendary Buck Angel offered me a copy of his film Sexing the Transman XXX Volume 3 because I previously enjoyed the first volume. The original Sexing the Transman was very much focused on trans guys’ solo sexuality – masturbation techniques, favorite toys, and so on. Volume 3 is different, but in a great way: it’s a whole lot more diverse, and there’s more partner-sex to feast your horny eyes on.
The Sexing the Transman series has a specific and steady format, where Buck first interviews each participant about their life and identity and then films them either jacking off, fucking, or getting fucked (sometimes all of the above). I love porn where you actually get to learn a little something about the people you’re getting off to, so this format sits well with me.
The first scene features Bleu, a trans guy, and Je, his genderqueer partner who sometimes refers to herself as a “cunted fag.” Both halves of this pair have a cool alternative look, complete with body mods (tattoos and stretched earlobes ahoy!). They also both share a super positive attitude about identity. “Be yourself and own that shit!” says Je.
It’s clear that these two have a great real-life sex life. They understand each other’s bodies and kinks intimately. Je mentions in the interview that she’s into having her hair pulled, being slapped, and getting fucked really hard – and Bleu delivers on all of it. Their chemistry together is fantastic. I could barely rip my eyes away from Je’s awesome blowjob skills to take notes while watching this scene. They both fuck each other with strap-ons, rough and hard, smiling all the while.
The second scene focuses on a trans man of color, Rex. An effort was definitely made to infuse some racial diversity into the Sexing the Transman series with this volume, which is great (I think volume 1 was all white guys!). Rex talks about how happy he is with the results of his top surgery, and when he showed off his chest, I had to agree that his body looks sexy as hell. Normally I don’t go for muscly types too much, but Rex is undoubtedly a hottie.
After chatting a bit about his transition and the self-assuredness it’s brought him, he jerks off with the help of a bright blue jelly vibrator. Naturally, it sort of makes me cringe to watch people using jelly toys, but Rex’s pussy managed to be transfixing nonetheless. He has multiple orgasms in the scene, all with visible vaginal muscle contractions – yum – but hardly any moaning – boo.
For me, it was a disappointment to read on the back of the DVD box that Rex has a sock fetish, and then to find that it isn’t even brought up in the film itself. Sure, he keeps his socks on the whole time he’s jacking off, but it’s never pointed to as a source of arousal. I always want to know more about people’s interesting fetishes!
Next up is another couple, Rude Bwoy and Lola. Both are trans, and in their interview they talk about how it’s good to be with another trans person because they understand each other better than some previous cis partners did.
Though Lola is gorgeous and Rude Bwoy is a cutie, this scene didn’t do much for me. The actual sex was limited to nipple play and a loud, lengthy blowjob, and was punctuated by Buck’s overinvolved comments from off camera: “That’s awesome.” “You like that? You like to be sucked off?” Admittedly, Buck’s unseen voyeurism is (supposed to be) part of the charm of the series, but I find it more distracting than arousing most of the time.
The fourth scene features a total hottie named Dicky Johnson. His adorable New York (?) accent reminds me of a young Richard Dreyfuss circa The Goodbye Girl – which maybe doesn’t sound like a compliment, but it is, as I’ve always had a massive crush on young Dreyfuss!
Dicky identifies as gender-fluid and he’s got an appropriately androgynous (not to mention totally foxy) look. In his interview, he explains how he sort of fell into his transition “by accident” because he started taking steroids to become a female body-builder, suddenly looked very masculine, and decided to go with it.
There’s an editing error in this part of the DVD which is a bit distracting – after Dicky takes off his shirt, an earlier part of the interview repeats again. Buck’s editing job is practically impeccable except for this one issue, though. (Lots of split-screen shots, so you can see people’s genitals and their faces in close-up at the same time. Delish.)
As Dicky jerks off, Buck gets more involved than he’s gotten in any of the previous scenes, playing with Dicky’s nipples and even fucking him with a dildo. Dicky seems cool with it and it’s actually pretty hot, almost like watching an amateur POV video between real-life lovers. Buck’s voyeuristic comments bug me but it’s a whole lot more palatable when he actually does stuff, rather than just talking about doing stuff! Bonus: if you like the sound of men growling during sex, you’ll swoon over this scene, because Buck and Dicky both sound like salacious animals during the home stretch.
The final scene stars Buck himself, getting fucked by a cis dude named Sean. After a lot of rough pounding, manly moans, and dirty dialogue, the two guys sit side-by-side and jerk off until Sean comes on Buck’s chest. Sean calls Buck “buddy” the whole time, which I found hilarious (but maybe I just don’t watch enough gay male porn… or any, really).
Overall, I think volume 3 could easily be considered a standout of the Sexing the Transman series, because it strikes a great balance between sex and masturbation, it’s pretty diverse in terms of performers’ ethnicities and body types, and it makes Buck’s voyeurism into a useful and hot addition rather than a slightly awkward distraction.
Thanks so much to the studly Buck Angel for the opportunity to review this DVD!
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Review: Doc Johnson Thinny Minnie
Every once in a while, a giant, cheap-ass sex toy maker like Doc Johnson comes out with something that catches my eye, and I wonder, Will this be the thing that changes my mind about this company?
The answer, at least in regards to the Thinny Minnie dildo, is a resounding nope.
I thought I would dig the Minnie because its shape reminds me slightly of the Lelo Ella, an elegant and effective G-spot dildo. But Ella stays firm, while Minnie flops. My G-spot needs firmness or girth or both, but the Minnie has neither.
It has an insertable length of 5”, which really isn’t that long but feels like an eternity because of how boring the toy’s shaft is: straight, smooth, and skinny.
My G-spot can detect the Thinny Minnie, but just barely. If you want a good silicone G-spot dildo, go for the Acute, Tsunami, Adam, Ella, or Comet Wand instead. Anything but Doc Johnson!
(I know this review is super short, but can you blame me? Look at how boring this dildo is!)
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Review: Lelo Large Smart Wand
For a long time, reviewers have been complaining that Lelo vibrators just aren’t strong enough. They’re beautiful, elegant, ergonomic, rechargeable, and high-quality, but many clits-o’-steel have been unimpressed with their strength.
Well, no more. Because the large Smart Wand is one of the strongest vibrators I’ve ever tried, and also one of the best.
For all you Hitachi enthusiasts, take a moment to imagine how your sex life would change if your beloved wand didn’t need to be plugged into the wall in order to work, and if you could actually take it in the bath with you. Mindblowing and life-changing, right? In that case, you probably need a large Smart Wand, pronto.
Before I start sounding too much like an infomercial, let’s get some gripes out of the way. Yes, the toy is 100% waterproof, but the charging port is just an open hole on the end of the toy’s handle. It can be really anxiety-producing to watch bathwater slowly flow into an open orifice on your $135 sex toy. The hole is just as waterproof as the rest of the toy, but I still think Lelo should have at least put a little peel-back silicone plug in that spot, to set bath-bound consumers’ minds at ease.
As for the color… I must admit, I did not order the white wand and it wouldn’t have been my first choice; the one I chose was black but I ended up with the white one nonetheless. The white tends to show every speck of dirt or dust that makes its way onto the toy. However, I do think it would make a lovely bridal/wedding gift, what with being ivory-colored and luxurious.
Most of the toy is covered in satiny-smooth silicone, while the inner edge of the gently curving handle is made of metallic gold plastic that makes it easier to grip the toy. The Lelo logo is embossed into the handle, but it’s high enough on the toy that it would be difficult to accidentally get any lube or natural juices into the grooves of the letters, which is an improvement on some previous Lelo designs.
The head of the massager has a bit of flex to it, like most other wand-style vibes, but it’s minimal. If you like a lot of firm pressure along with your vibrations, this toy can provide it.
Like most massager-style vibes, the part of the Smart Wand that will be touching your genitals is very big and broad. I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it because usually I like something a little more focused, but it didn’t bother me in the end.
Can I just say how much it annoys me that Lelo steadfastly markets this toy as a body massager? Granted, it does work great for body massage, but let’s be real here – Lelo makes sex toys, and has always been upfront about doing so, so why suddenly change the game and act like this vibrator is meant for solely G-rated usage? There is literally no mention of genitals, sex, or masturbation in the Smart Wand instruction manual. This annoys me on principle, but luckily, doesn’t change the awesomeness of the toy itself.
And let me tell you, it is awesome. This massager has crazy strong vibrations. Though the Smart Wand has multiple speeds like all Lelo vibes, I usually only use the third and fourth ones, because the toy is that strong.
The first three speeds are rumbly, causing the toy to visibly tremble back and forth, while the rest are buzzier – but all feel great. Like the Hitachi, this toy may need to be muffled with underwear or a towel for some users to enjoy it, but it’s worth it.
Much fuss was made about the Smart Wand’s “SenseTouch” mode, in which the vibrations will stay on a low level until they touch your skin, at which point they will ramp up suddenly to a much higher level. This is supposed to feel like the gradual pressure that a masseuse’s hands can provide. I didn’t think much of this mode and won’t be using it, but I can see how it could be useful for someone who plans to use the wand primarily for actual massage.
It’s worth noting that my Smart Wand is the large one; other reviewers have found that the medium version is not nearly as strong. So if power’s what you’re after, get the large.
My final issue with the Smart Wand, which might just be a glitch in my particular toy, is that the buttons are very sensitive. Sometimes I press the “plus” button once, to move up to the next speed, and it skips a few speeds randomly, moving up to a much stronger one than I’m ready for. This can be remedied quickly by pressing the “minus” button until it goes back to a speed I’m comfortable with, but it might be worth considering if you’re very sensitive and would be horrified by sudden earthshattering vibrations on your clit.
But overall? Fuck, man, I love my Smart Wand. It’s absolutely gorgeous, it’s stronger than almost any other vibe in my collection, it can be used anywhere I want (including the bath), and it serves up some crazy intense orgasms. Hallelujah, Lelo!
Thanks, Sex Toys Canada! You’re the best!
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Happy Masturbation Month!
Lovelies, I am so proud to have a platform from which to shout this message from the proverbial internet rooftops: MASTURBATION IS AWESOME AND HEALTHY!
Next week I’m giving a talk to a group of volunteers at a telephone hotline that aims to support youth in a sex-positive, queer-positive way. The talk is about – you guessed it – sex toys.
One of the key takeaways I’m hoping to impart on these volunteers is what I mentioned above: the usefulness and loveliness of masturbation as a regular practice. It’s the reason I got into “sex toy advocacy” in the first place, and it’s the reason I continue to be so passionate about sex toys: people should feel empowered to masturbate as they please.
If you want some fun challenges for Masturbation Month, check out my article from last May for a few ideas. And if you want to buy yourself a treat for the occasion, may I recommend the Eroscillator for the zillionth time? (Still my favorite sex toy ever, a year after getting it!)
I hope you’re having a rad Masturbation Month and that you continue to have tons o’ fun orgasms throughout May. Tell me how you’re celebrating this month! (And with which toys!)
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Let’s Talk About Terminology: Women
I’ll keep this post short and sweet, because I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.
Female adult humans are called women.
Do not call us “girls.” Do not infantilize us. Do not make the mistake of believing someone is “overreacting” if they take issue with being called a child.
Especially do not call us “girls” if you choose to use the word “men” in the same sentence. Do not juxtapose those two things if you do not mean them literally. Talking about female adults? “Women” is the word you are looking for.
Sometimes I like to be snarky in my enforcement of this language rule, so I trawl sex forums looking for threads with titles like, “Do girls like giving blowjobs?” and “How do girls feel about pubic hair?” and I reply (momentarily setting aside the fact that those posts try to generalize all women), “I certainly hope you’re not having sex with girls.” Or, sometimes, “I don’t know about girls, but I know some women who like giving blowjobs.”
As with any challenge to the status quo of misogynist language, there is always pushback. People scream, “You know what I meant!” And yes, I do know what was meant. I also know what was achieved: infantilization of women and the continuation of a verbal system that supports it.
Check your language. Make sure it’s not laced with oppression and archaic assumptions, ‘cause that shit’s gross.
And for those of you who pointed out that the word “girl” is in my blog name… Yep, you got me! It’s being used in a different context there, and there is a difference between “girly” and “girlish,” but yeah, this shitty language convention is extremely widespread, sometimes to the point that even feminists might not notice it!
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