Disclosure notice: Many posts here contain affiliate links from which I make money if you buy the linked products. If a sex toy retailer is thanked at the end of the post, the toy in question was provided to me for free by that retailer in exchange for a fair and honest review.
• 5 Good Reasons to Hire a Pro Domme
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My expectations for rabbit vibes are low, because the vast majority of them are laughably terrible. Most don’t get me off, don’t feel particularly good, and certainly don’t wow me.
The Bondara silicone rechargeable rabbit works fine, gets me off, feels pretty good, but doesn’t wow me.
Let’s start with the good stuff: it’s made of nice, body-safe materials. It charges via USB and holds its charge well. The controls are easy enough to understand (one button for on and off, one to flip through the settings).
This rabbit succeeds in an area where some rabbits fail spectacularly, which is shape and comfort. The shaft’s girth is just right at 1.5”. The G-spot curve doesn’t poke my vaginal wall or cause pain on insertion or removal. And the rabbit ears, miraculously, always sit in the right spot and stay put, never injuring my clit or wandering off course. This all sounds pretty basic but you would be surprised how many rabbits are completely unusable due to problems with comfort and shape.
The vibrations on the Bondara rabbit are strong and deep enough to get me off, which, again, should be basic but is seldom found among rabbit vibrators, which I find are usually buzzy and weak, even the higher-end ones. I think having two separate motors is too taxing so a lot of toy designers give their rabbits two mediocre motors instead of the one really good motor they might put into a regular vibrator. The Bondara one isn’t jackhammer-strong and won’t satisfy power queens, but it can make me come so I’m satisfied with the vibe strength.
The problem is that you can’t really control the vibration speed, nor can you control the clitoral and vaginal portions of the toy separately (which, IMO, should be a standard feature on rabbits). The various modes offered by the toy have good interplay between vaginal and clitoral stimulation, but they switch back and forth too slowly so they never build any momentum toward orgasm for me. For that reason, I stick to the steady-vibration mode, but there are only two, low and high. I can get off that way but I prefer more gradation in between speeds, so I can avoid numbness and overstimulation. And I would greatly prefer to be able to control both portions of the vibe separately, because my G-spot’s power preferences are pretty different from my clit’s.
Speaking of the G-spot - this rabbit’s internal curve isn’t anything to write home about. It touches my G-spot but doesn’t really dig into it the way I prefer. The internal stimulation is general and broad, not focused and precise.
So… This rabbit is actually a pretty good buy if you consider the fact that it’s only 24 pounds (about 40 American dollars). But I still maintain that if you want dual stimulation, most rabbits aren’t worth the trouble and you’d be better off buying a good dildo and a decent clit vibe, both of which you can get for about the same amount as this rabbit if you shop wisely.
Thanks for the toy, Bondara!
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Last week I found myself madly lusting over a pair of shoes. They were gorgeous and I NEEDED them - but they were $275. And as a full-time student and part-time blogger, that ain’t a doable price for me. (I ended up buying a similar pair at a way lower price point – that’s me modeling them above!)
I spent some time complaining on Twitter about this problem, and then my mind wandered to all the fetishists who’ve left me lascivious comments on my clothes, shoes, and hosiery over the years. You might remember from my post on how to be a non-douchey fetishist that I’ve been posting outfit photos online for 8+ years and attract a lot of creeps through that venue. These people are getting off on my pictures – so shouldn’t I be getting some kind of compensation for that “service” I’m (nonconsensually) providing?
Okay, hear me out. My idea is this: an online social platform where you can sign up in one of two categories, fetishist or fashionista. (The names could use some workshopping; ideally they’d both be gender-neutral.) The fashionistas build profiles full of as much or as little personal information as they’d like to share and a gallery of photos that are as sexy or sexless as they feel comfortable being. They attach a wishlist to their profile, filled with clothes, shoes, and other cute things they have their eye on. And if a fetishist takes an interest in a particular fashion fan, he can buy her something from her wishlist. (I’m using those pronouns for clarity’s sake; obviously there are fetishists and fashion fans of all genders.)
The wishlist would hide her address, of course; no one wants to put themselves at risk for being stalked. And when the item of choice arrived, she could try it on, pose for pictures or video, and post them publicly or privately for the fetishist who supplied the money.
There could be a way for fetishists and fashionistas to negotiate the terms of the agreement in advance - e.g. “If I buy you these shoes, you’ll model them in tights, in knee-high socks, and barefoot.” There could be an eBay-esque feedback system to avoid scammers and creeps.
I know that systems like this exist already, but in my experience, they’re usually hypersexual and mostly frequented by camgirls and their patrons. While there’s obviously nothing wrong with sex workers (you go, gals and guys!), not all of us feel comfortable being super sexy online. My half-baked dream for this social network conceptualizes it as a space that is as sexy or unsexy as individual users want it to be, so that everyone feels comfortable and safe.
I just think that there are better ways to manage the relationships between fetishists and the subjects of their affection than the way that those relationships usually go right now. The subjects often (in my experience) feel victimized, grossed out, and used. I know that for myself, when I receive a message from a fetishist telling me he loves me in sheer hose or he wants me to wear heels for him, I feel squicked out but I also always send him a link to my Amazon wishlist, because dammit, if I’m going to fulfill someone’s fetish, he’s going to be the one to foot the bill for it, not me. Of course, I’ve never actually had a fetishist buy me anything, because the ones I encounter all seem to be cheapskates who expect me to be their masturbation fodder at no charge, but… I’m sure there are shoe sugar daddies out there somewhere, right?
I don’t have the know-how to build a website or get it off the ground, but if anyone ever takes this idea and runs with it, just know that I would promote the shit out of it, happily beta-test it, and send the link to every fetishist who’s ever given me “helpful suggestions” for what to wear!
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If sex work is legal where you live, you may have spent some time considering whether hiring a sex worker could be a worthwhile use of your money.
Dommes, a.k.a. professional dominants, are a specific type of sex worker, though some may not even enjoy being referred to as such because there isn’t always “actual sex” involved – just the psychological play involved in delicious domination and submission.
Lots of dommes now advertise their services on online directories like ProDomme.com, making it easy to find one and hire her if that’s something you’re interested in. Here are 5 excellent reasons to hire a domme if it’s within your legal and financial means to do so…
1. To fulfill a long-held fantasy.
Of course, this is the usual reason people hire pro dominants. It can be hard to find a skilful domme in your dating life, since the odds of someone aligning with your personality and your kinks can be slim – but hiring a domme takes out the guesswork and delivers a concentrated hit of what you’re looking for in bed.
Paying someone for their services is great when you know exactly what you want, because you can negotiate beforehand and lay out precisely what you’d like to happen during your session. That’s a hard thing to find amongst regular partners, but when you’re paying someone, they’re likelier to be okay with doing what you want to do – within reason.
2. To explore a new potential fantasy.
Whether you picked it up from a hot movie (Secretary, anyone?), an ill-researched trilogy of fiction books (um, let’s not name any names), or just from the annals of your own marvelously dirty brain, you might be nursing a mild BDSM fantasy that you’re not entirely certain about.
It can be hard to know for sure whether you’ll like something until you try it. Hiring a pro domme could be a good way for you to see if kink is something you’re really into or just a fleeting fascination. As I said above, dommes will generally let you negotiate with them about what you want to get out of the scene, so you can set the bar at an ultra-beginner level if that’s what you’d prefer. And if, at the end of the session, you find you’ve learned something new about your sexuality, that info will help you a lot in your relationships in the future, when you get to the stage of trying to figure out your sexual compatibility with someone new.
3. As a gift to a partner.
Maybe your partner has a fantasy about getting beaten or humiliated. Maybe they’ve always wanted to see you get whipped or bossed around. Maybe they’ve been itching to try a threesome but the two of you aren’t ready for actual genital play with another person yet. There are lots of reasons why a partner might be grateful to share a pro domme session with you.
Discuss it with them first, obviously – and then discuss it with the domme, to make sure everyone’s needs can be met and everyone’s boundaries can be respected. If you come to an agreement about what’s to happen, go for it! It could open up entire new worlds to you and your beau.
4. To learn how to dominate or submit.
In this increasingly kink-accepting world, I suspect that more and more people will consider BDSM an important part of their sexuality as time wears on. But even someone who’s passionate about kink might find that they lack the skills or confidence to put that passion into action in their sex life.
Dommes do this for a living, so they (usually) know what they’re doing. With the domme’s blessing, maybe you could use your session as an opportunity to learn – either through direct instruction or just by taking note of what she does to you so you can replicate it with a partner later on. Lots of experienced dominants (including my fave porn star, Danny Wylde) say that the best way to learn to dominate is to first be submissive, so keep that in mind as you go on your kinky adventures!
5. To fulfill another, more niche fetish.
When most people think of dommes, they think of things like bondage, impact play, and verbal humiliation. But plenty of dommes are open to exploring other fetishes that may be more unusual.
A brief scan of some of the domme profiles on ProDomme.com shows the wide range of services some dommes offer: enemas/douching, doctor/nurse roleplay, fisting, pegging, shoe/foot play, tickling, water sports, trampling, cross-dressing, and on and on and on. If you can dream it up, you can probably pay someone to do it for you, or at least to simulate doing it for you.
Any of these reasons sound compelling to you? If so, online directories like ProDomme.com are a great place to start your search for the perfect professional to deliver the sexual experience you’ve been pondering. Be clear about what you’re looking for and I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone who can give you what you want!
Full disclosure: this post was sponsored by ProDomme.com – but as always, all content and opinions are my own!
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Sometimes when I get together with friends, someone will ask me, “What reviews are you working on right now?” I usually try to talk about whichever toy on my current docket is the most interesting or strange, since there’s not much conversational potential in a response like, “Oh, you know, a standard silicone dildo.”
Well, for months, my go-to toy to discuss when faced with this question was the Tantus Plunge, because – as I’ve learned from these conversations – people are always either weirded out or titillated by the idea of a paddle that’s also a dildo.
Most common responses: “How does that work?” and “Who would want that?” Usually these questions were followed by some reflection and maybe a theory or two: “I guess if you’re spanking someone and suddenly want to fuck them instead…” “Well, it’s two toys in one, so it’s a good value, I guess.”
These theories have their merits, and the toy isn’t bad, but I still think it was a strange idea and one that doesn’t work so well in practice either.
The Plunge (the name of which, by the way, awkwardly makes me think of clogged toilets) is made of Tantus’ beautiful matte black silicone. It’s a material that works perfectly for paddles because it makes the handle appropriately grippy and gives the silicone a sexy leather-meets-rubber feeling – but it’s not ideal for dildos, at least not for me. I prefer a glossier silicone that won’t eat so much lube so quickly. Glossy silicone is also better for situations where you don’t have lube, or don’t want to use it.
My overall feeling about the Plunge is that it makes a great paddle but its functionality as a dildo is limited. I’ll tell you why…
Embedded in the handle of the Plunge is a hole that goes in one side and out the other. This is to enable you to hang the paddle up, but it’s a bad feature to include in a handle that doubles as a dildo. Cleaning vag junk out of that hole is a bitch.
The dildo/handle end of the Plunge is only 1.25” in diameter. That’s a fair girth for people with tight orifices, but anyone on the average-to-size-queen side of the spectrum will be sorely disappointed by this dimension.
It’s really hard to hold onto the toy while fucking yourself, or someone else, with the dildo end. You have to grip the whole wide paddle side in your hand, and it starts to dig into the flesh of your hand after a while. There are various other ways to hold it but all are tiresome. A dildo’s handle should be ergonomic and intuitive so you can put all your energy into the fucking; this one’s isn’t at all.
The dildo itself has a nice curve that strokes my G-spot enjoyably, but because it’s so slim, and because the terrible “handle” (paddle end) makes it difficult to get a comfortable rhythm going, the dildo just doesn’t deliver. If I want a small G-spot dildo, I’ll reach for something that’s easier to thrust with, every time.
As a paddle, though, the Plunge performs spectacularly. Tantus’ paddles are always top-notch. This one is a good mix of stingy and thuddy, and the curved handle makes it easy and comfortable to hold onto during spanking.
But if you want a Tantus paddle, I’m going to have to recommend the Wham Bam or Pelt instead, because the Plunge is just too impractical to be worth the extra money. How are you supposed to spank someone when the paddle’s handle is covered in lube? How are you supposed to fuck someone when you can’t get a comfortable grip on the end of the dildo? How are you supposed to switch between spanking and fucking in a way that isn’t awkward as hell? And (as a few of my friends asked me during the aforementioned conversations about the Plunge) what are you supposed to do if you want to fuck and spank someone at the same time?
My suggestion: get a good dildo and a good paddle and use them individually, of course. The Plunge was a clever idea in theory but the real-life manifestation is just too weird and ineffectual for me to recommend.
Thanks anyway, Tantus! You know I love ya, baby.
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I have finally acquired the two harnesses of my dreams – two of the best harnesses you could ever hope to find, probably. And while I love them both more than words can say, I am a sex toy reviewer – which means I have to be objective and helpful. So, like a cruel mother, I have to pit my babies against each other and write an exhaustive comparison.
The Jaguar is made of leather, and HOLY FUCKING FUCK, it is the sexiest leather I have ever encountered. I don’t have a leather fetish but this harness just might change my mind on this front. It has that powerful-but-not-overpowering leather smell, and it’s soft and broken-in already when you get it. The pliability of the leather makes it feel like a second skin when you’ve been wearing it for a while.
For vegans and other folks who might have issues with leather, the Jag also comes in a vegan version, often at a cost (Early to Bed charges an additional $15 for the vegan one).
The RodeoH is made of a cotton-elastane blend, much like your favorite pair of underwear. It’s soft to the touch and feels well-constructed.
Sizing and Fit
The Jag comes in two sizes, small and large. “Small” fits hip sizes from 26 to 44 inches; “large” fits 36 to 56 inches. I went with the small size because my hips are currently around 41 inches and I’m in the process of losing weight, so the small will continue to fit me. The hip and butt straps on the Jag are all super adjustable so you should be able to get a good fit no matter what your dimensions are. I’ve heard of some people needing to punch extra holes in the straps or trim the ends of their straps for sizing reasons, but I don’t think the typical person will need to do that stuff if they buy according to their (accurate) hip measurement.
The RodeoH comes in 9 different sizes: 23-24”, 25-26”, 27-29”, and so on, all the way up to 52-55”. While each size seems to allow for only a small range of measurements, the material is actually very stretchy and accommodating; I probably got a size or two smaller than I should have, and my harness still fits nicely, albeit snugly. RodeoH recommends sizing down for more control during thrusting anyway.
If you’re very small and have a hip measurement between 23” and 26”, the RodeoH is probably the better choice for you because the Jag won’t get small enough to fit you unless you make some alterations yourself.
Getting In and Out
Obviously it’s hard to beat the RodeoH in this category, since you just step into it and pull it up, like underwear. Same dealio when you take it off.
The Jag looks a bit more intimidating to put on, but actually, if you leave one side undone each time you finish using it, it only takes a few seconds to step into it and get it fastened up. Here’s a video of the founder of Aslan Leather demonstrating this technique (it’s SFW – he puts it on over his pants).
I find both of these harnesses very comfortable, though I think the RodeoH wins in this category simply because, well, it’s basically a pair of underwear. Hard to get much comfier than that.
I can imagine that the Jag could get a little hard to deal with if you were wearing it under pants for hours at a time, or if you had to sit on a hard chair for a while, because of the metal D-rings in the ass region.
I also have more slippage with the Jag – the butt straps sometimes give me a wedgie, possibly because of my sizeable booty. I don’t have this issue with the RodeoH because, of course, it doesn’t have straps.
Dildos and O-Rings
Neither my Jag nor my RodeoH came with extra O-rings. That makes sense for the RodeoH, because you can’t switch out the 1.5” O-ring it comes with; it’s sewn right into the harness, and has a little bit of stretch to allow for larger dildos. But you can swap out the O-ring on the Jag, so I was surprised that it didn’t come with any additional rings.
The O-ring that comes with the Jag has a 2” diameter, which is pretty big. I have some smaller rings that came with my Tantus Bend Over Beginner kit, so I put one of those in. Replacing the O-ring is easy: you just have to undo the 3 snaps surrounding the ring area, take out the old one, put in the new one, and do up the snaps again.
The unchangeable O-ring on the RodeoH makes it an unwise choice if you plan on using dildos significantly smaller than 1.5” in diameter. I find that dildos in the 1.25”-or-smaller range flop around a little in the RodeoH, while I can get them to stand at attention better in my Jag if I use an appropriately-sized O-ring. And of course, the fixed size of the RodeoH’s ring also means that it can’t accommodate dildos much larger than its ring’s diameter.
Both harnesses work best with flat-based dildos that don’t have balls, though I imagine you could get a testicled dildo into the Jag with a wide enough O-ring and some gentle jimmying.
Full disclosure: I don’t currently have a willing strap-on partner, so all the testing I did in this department was done in mid-air or in a faux vagina I made by cupping my hand. Sorry!
When my Jag is properly adjusted and tightened all the way around, it’s very stable. I do find I get some slippage in the back D-rings after a while, but that’s easily fixed by quickly tightening ‘em up.
The RodeoH is definitely less stable and there is more flopping around and less control, because of the lack of straps and tightenability (that’s not a word, I know, but I just coined it). As I said above, buying a size or two smaller can help a bit with this, but I think if you need a lot of stability, you’re gonna need an old-fashioned two-strap harness.
Pleasure for the Wearer
The Jag was designed specifically so that the dildo would rest on top of the clit during use, creating more pleasure for the wearer. And damn, it works. Mine doesn’t sit directly on my clit but maybe an inch above, which is actually where I prefer to be stimulated – on the upper shaft of my clit. Even just fucking my hand produces a lot of pleasure for me. I don’t know if I could reach orgasm that way, but it feels pretty awesome.
The dildo sits higher in my RodeoH, on my pubic mound, so there is some pleasure but not as much. However, the RodeoH has something the Jag doesn’t: a little pouch behind the dildo, where you can tuck a bullet vibe if you so desire. That makes up for the less-than-ideal dildo placement, if you ask me.
Should you want to use a double-ended dildo like the Feeldoe, the Jag is your man: there’s no fabric or leather between the dildo and your body, so you’re free to self-penetrate as much as you want. The RodeoH has some fabric behind the dildo so you can’t use double-ended dildos with it, and it’s hard (if not impossible) for the wearer to receive any genital stimulation while wearing it.
As a femme person, I definitely feel hotter in the Jag. The leather and styling strike me as classically sexy without being particularly gendered. The RodeoH, on the other hand, feels pretty boyish; I can imagine myself loving the look of it if I was doing some kind of boy/butch roleplay, but as my regular girly self, it doesn’t quite gel with my aesthetic and gender identity.
However, RodeoH has a lace panty style which is sexy as hell and very feminine. Options, yay!
The Jaguar is anywhere from $95 to $120 depending on where you get it from. The price was a pretty big deterrent to me, honestly, on my student budget. I only ended up buying the Jag because EcoSex was having a Canada Day sale and I was able to get it for $85 including shipping and tax. And even that felt pretty steep to me.
Aslan Leather products have a lifetime guarantee, so if your harness breaks, they will repair or replace it for free.
My (cis male) boyfriend is able to comfortably wear the RodeoH and fuck me with dildos that way. His average-sized (about 6”) penis doesn’t get squished by the harness even when he’s hard. Harnesses specifically for cis dudes do exist, but they’re pretty pricey as far as I’ve ever seen.
Aslan harnesses are handmade here in Canada, while RodeoH harnesses are made in China.
RodeoH harnesses can be worn as makeshift underwear if, say, it’s been too long since you’ve done your laundry. (Naughty!)
…Well, I don’t know if I have a conclusion. I don’t think either of these harnesses necessarily came out on top; it all just depends on what you’re looking for in a harness. I know that both will serve me well in my lifetime, even if I don’t have a strap-on partner at the moment.
Both of these harnesses are gorgeous, well-made, and get the job done. I’m so happy I own them.
What’s the harness of your dreams? Or, what’s your favorite harness you’ve ever tried?
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A dildo doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking or unique to be good. Sometimes it can just be a standard, get-‘er-done, regular old dildo that just gets it right. The Icicles #53 is one of those dildos: not fancy, just good.
I’ve tried toys from the Icicles line before, to varying degrees of success. #26 hurt my butt; #2 was satisfactory, but when I gave it away to a friend, she accidentally dropped it and it broke into two jagged pieces; #24 is legitimately unique and one of the prettier pieces in my collection; #6 was a fun adventure in texture. Overall the quality of the Icicles line is only so-so; I’ve seen other reviewers say that the color flaked off of theirs, for example. However, I think the line is a good, relatively low-cost option if you want to expand your collection of glass toys – just stick to designs that have minimal coloring and no thin/breakable-looking bits, and you should be alright.
I actually requested a different Icicles toy but got sent the #53 instead – which is fine, as I’m sometimes pleasantly surprised when I try the random things companies choose for me. This was one of those cases.
#53 is an all-glass dildo with 6.5” of insertable length and a diameter of 1.4”. It has the most subtle curve of any dildo I’ve ever seen – so subtle that I occasionally have to take the toy out of my vag, make sure the curve is oriented the way it’s supposed to be, and then re-insert it. The head of the toy is defined and penis-like, which I am totally into.
There’s a very subtle, pale pink corkscrew-like texture that covers the whole shaft of the toy below the head, but this pattern feels so meek in comparison to the bulging head that I can’t even feel it. If you like a lot of texture, look elsewhere (the aforementioned Icicles #6 is great for this).
The main reason I’ve been using the fuck out of this dildo recently is that it’s weirdly good at finding and stimulating my A-spot. The gentle curve and tapered head make this possible, along with the just-right length of the toy. It does absolutely nothing for my G-spot – the curve isn’t intense enough for that – but my anterior fornix is getting a whole lotta lovin’.
That said, if you’re not into A-spot stimulation and you’ve ever tried a glass toy before, I think you’d be really bored by this toy. Like I said, it’s nothing fancy. It’s a pretty standard glass dildo, at a size that’s slightly below average on the dildo spectrum. There are lots more interesting-looking toys in the Icicles line, and there are other companies doing cool things with glass too.
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I am always going on and on about the A-spot – and every time I mention it, I’m uncomfortably aware that there are people reading my blog who may not know what that spot is. I needed an informative link to be able to put into my posts so people won’t be confused. Which is why I’m writing this.
The A-spot – otherwise known as the anterior fornix, AFE zone, or deep spot – is an internal erogenous zone in the vagina. On either side of the cervix (that thing at the deepest part of the vagina that feels sort of like the tip of your nose and sometimes hurts when you touch it too firmly) is a fornix; there’s the posterior fornix behind the cervix, and the anterior fornix in front of the cervix. It’s the anterior (front) one that we’ll be talking about today, though some people also enjoy how the posterior (back) one feels when touched. As always, experiment and figure out what works best for you!
The A-spot was purportedly discovered by a guy named Dr. Chua Chee Ann. He noticed that stimulating this particular spot on the deepest part of the front vaginal wall would cause fast lubrication and sexual arousal. His stimulation method was a “scooping” motion with his fingers, similar to the “come hither” motion that so many folks recommend for G-spot stimulation.
So what is the difference between the G-spot and the A-spot? I see how you could get confused; they’re both located on the front wall of the vagina, only a few inches apart. If you have medium-to-long fingers, you can probably access the G-spot with your fingers inserted only halfway into the vagina – but you’ll likely have to stick them all the way in to reach the A-spot.
The sensations are also very different, at least for me. G-spot stimulation can feel slightly uncomfortable at first, like I need to pee or like I’ve got an itch inside my urethra – but if I push through, eventually that feeling will turn to pleasure. On the flipside, I find that A-spot stimulation is pleasurable right away. However, with both spots, adding clit stimulation to the mix improves the sensation significantly.
You might be wondering: what’s the best way to stimulate the A-spot? I find I can’t do it with my own fingers, because they’re too short and the angle isn’t right. My partner can reach the spot with his fingers but he has to reach reeeeally deep, which isn’t always comfortable for either of us. I’ve found that the best way to touch this spot is either with a penis or a specific kind of sex toy.
Penises are great for stroking the A-spot. As with the G-spot, you’ll want your penis or your partner’s penis to press up against the front vaginal wall, but go deep. I find that my A-spot loves small back-and-forth motions, as opposed to larger in-and-out thrusts, but as always, your results may vary. Keep the lines of communication open so you and your partner can figure out the best way to stroke the spot.
Toys with a small curve at the tip are best for accessing the A-spot. You want a toy that can curve into the fornix so it can be inserted deeply without bothering your cervix (which we’ll discuss in a moment). Some of my favorite A-spot toys are the Tantus Tsunami, Tantus Pack ‘n’ Play #1, and SSA Glass Royal Adventure. As long as it’s long enough to get to the very end of the vagina at maximum arousal (which, for me, is about 6”) and has a slightly tapered and curved tip, it should do okay.
Here’s a harsh reality: the cervix can get in the way of your A-spot pleasure. The two are right next to each other, and the cervix can be a source of pain for some. That’s why it’s important to go slowly and gently when seeking out the spot. If you’re using a toy, start with one that’s soft and squishy, ideally silicone. Keep the toy/penis/fingers totally flush with the front wall of the vagina for a better chance of avoiding the cervix. And I highly recommend not trying A-spot play on someone who’s menstruating, because the cervix can be extra sensitive at that time. Once you’re a pro at this kind of stimulation, you may be able to pull it off, but until then, I’d avoid it.
While the A-spot might seem mysterious, I think it’s destined to become the Next Big Thing in popular discussions of female sexual response. More possibilities for pleasure is always a good thing!
What have your experiences been with the A-spot?
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Am I getting a reputation for being that chick who blogs about pooping? And a follow-up question: do I care?
This past week, three whole days went by without me evacuating my chute, if you know what I’m sayin’. That has never happened to me before. I was very worried.
I’ve been eating fewer calories lately to lose weight (that’ll be a whole ‘nother post, sometime in the murky future) and the other day I ate FIVE LARGE CARROTS because I am a lunatic. That’s probably what caused it.
I tried everything I could think of – short of regular ol’ laxatives, because I wanted to reserve those for a true emergency. I drank a fuckton of water to lubricate the pipes. I took an herbal psyllium husk supplement and waited 12+ hours. I walked around and jumped up and down. I ate more fiber, more fats. Nothin’.
Then I had a brilliant idea. There have been times in the past when I’ve inserted a butt plug, only to need to take it out again a few minutes later on account of sudden-onset bathroom requirements. This was always annoying before, but maybe now it would be a solution.
I poured a couple drops of Pink silicone-based lube on my medium Njoy Pure Plug and slipped it inside. I chose the Pure Plug because it’s heavy, so my butt would really be able to feel it and maybe it could wake up my intestines. (Man, I am so not a doctor.) I was prepared to switch out the medium plug for the larger version after a few minutes if necessary… but it wasn’t necessary.
After about 5-10 minutes of rhythmic clenching, hopin’ and prayin’, I heard angels singing hallelujah as my intestines started to do their thing. And then I went into the bathroom, took out the plug, and all became well with the world.
My theory on why this worked, which is backed by no medical knowledge whatsoever, is that the plug stimulated peristalsis. My butt was like, “Hey! There’s something in here! We better clear it out!” and other stuff was cleared out in the process too. Kind of sort of makes sense, right?
Mr. Will, another sex blogger, presented an alternate explanation: perhaps the lube was a factor. Indeed, the lube I used contains aloe vera, which some people use as a suppository when constipated. Soooo… yeah. That probably makes more medical sense than my theory.
Do you ever use sex toys to deal with your medical problems? (You probably shouldn’t. I’m not a doctor, I’m not responsible for the choices you make, you should always check with a medical professional, etc. You know the drill!)
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I was sent some products to try from two lube lines, Pink and Gun Oil, both created by the same parent company, Empowered Products. They sent me full-size bottles of both the silicone-based and water-based versions of Pink lube (called Pink and Pink Water, respectively) and smaller samples of various other products they carry, including the basic silicone-based and water-based Gun Oil lubes.
So let’s get this out of the way: these products are highly gendered in their packaging and promotion. Pink lubes have soothing colors (mostly pink, of course), girly fonts, and the words “for women” (which bugs me, because anyone can use these lubes). My Gun Oil samples don’t say “for men,” but the packaging screams it with its military-style font and “masculine” colors. If gendered products irritate you or trigger you, etc., I think you’ll have to look elsewhere; some Sliquid lubes are less binarist in appearance.
But despite the differences in marketing, Gun Oil lubes are actually not different from Pink ones, formulation-wise. As this excellent Novelty Toy Meets Girl review points out, Pink Water and Gun Oil H2O contain the exact same ingredients, as do the silicone-based versions of each lube.
So you could say there’s no difference and that you therefore might as well buy whichever lube appeals to you most, visually, but that’s not exactly true either – there is a difference, and it’s price. As that same review explains (seriously, it’s a fantastic post), you can get greater quantities of Gun Oil lubes for lower prices. As is sadly the norm when it comes to gendered personal care products, women get shafted. So if value’s all you’re after, go for the Gun Oil.
What all of these lubes have in common is that they’re very liquidy and runny. That’s not something I personally like in a lube, because I always end up getting it all over myself and my bedsheets instead of on the toy I’m trying to use it on. But some people prefer that drippiness, because it can feel more “natural” and vaginal lubrication-like.
All the lubes are unscented, but the water-based ones have a sharp, sour taste that I would find really distracting if it got into my mouth at any point during sex. (If you want an oral sex-friendly lube, I can’t say enough good things about Sliquid Swirl.)
The lasting time of these lubes is okay, but not great. I would still tend to choose a thicker, more gel-like lube if I needed long-lasting slickness, like if I was going to use it for anal play. As with all water-based lubes, Pink Water and Gun Oil H2O can be perked up again with the addition of more water, though I don’t find that they get as slick upon reactivation as they initially were. Reapplication makes for a better result, so you might end up using a lot of product.
Lastly, both water-based lubes contain propylene glycol, which is a known irritant. Not everyone reacts badly to it, but if you’ve had problems with propylene glycol lubes before or if you know your orifices are sensitive to this sort of thing, you might want to give these a pass.
Overall, I can’t say that I’m in love with these lubes. I’m likely to stick with my old faithfuls because of their longer lasting times, more natural ingredients, and less aggressively gendered marketing. But, y’know, I’m always glad to have more lube options. Sometimes I even get into a girly mood and want to douse my genitals in something that says “Pink” in big letters.
Thanks, Empowered Products!
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Yesterday I was doing some consulting work for a sex ed organization. They’re putting together some resources for youth who want to learn about sex without feeling intimidated or overwhelmed. They asked me and a few other young sex-positive folk for our input.
One of the points that came up – which may not be news to you, but is certainly still a problem – is that most sex ed is based in harm reduction and risk mitigation, rather than pleasure maximization. Once you learn the basics of STI prevention, birth control, and enthusiastic consent, it can be hard to find resources that take your sex life from “Okay, this is working” to “OH YES, I LOVE SEX.”
With that in mind, lovelies, here are 5 ways you can make your orgasms stronger – today. As always, not all of these suggestions will work for every person or every body, but give ‘em a shot and see how it goes!
1. Add penetration (or bigger penetration).
You probably know that when you reach orgasm, your pelvic muscles contract rhythmically. This feels great all on its own, but it’s even more intense when your muscles have something to clench around – so put something in your butt or your vag!
If you already do this (and most of y’all are sex toy savvy, so I’d imagine that you do), you can try something bigger to intensify the effect. If, like me, your usual dildo choices are smallish-to-average, try something enormous instead. It’s like adding extra resistance to your strength training workout, except you’ll be increasing pleasure as well as muscle!
2. Breathe through it.
Your feelings about “sacred sex” might range from enthused to skeptical… but you should know that using your breath to guide your sexual energy doesn’t have to be as woo-woo and ethereal as it sounds! It has actual practical implications.
Most folks tend to tense up as they get close to orgasm, and holding their breath is a part of that. While it’s true that getting off this way is generally the quickest and easiest way to do it, that doesn’t mean it’s the best.
As you get close to coming, notice your desire to hold your breath, but deny it. Breathe deeply and fully. If you like, you can mentally direct your inhales into your genitals to increase the energy flow to that area. It will likely take longer to get where you’re going, but it’ll be more of a full-body experience.
I know I just told you to sloooow dooown – but weirdly enough, hurrying to the finish line can intensify your pleasure as well.
Test yourself. See how quickly you can get from absolute zero to orgasm. If danger turns you on, you can up the ante by doing this at a time when you know someone’s going to walk in on you in a limited number of minutes.
4. Change positions.
I alllllways masturbate lying on my back. It’s comfy and relaxing, but it doesn’t challenge my body or my mind, because it’s so easy and I’m so used to it.
If being upside-down doesn’t make you feel ill, give it a try: hang your head and torso off the side of your bed and come in that position. Some people say the blood that rushes to your head makes orgasms explosive.
Get close to orgasm. Back off. Get close again. Back off again. Repeat until you can’t stand it anymore, and then finally let yourself come.
This one actually makes my orgasms weaker for some reason, but lots of people report astonishing results when they try it!
What’s your favorite way to boost your orgasms?
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