The Glory of Period Sex (+ a Bloody Good Giveaway)

“I don’t think I can bring myself to send her tongue-spelunking through my bloody cave,” muses the first-ever mention of period sex in my years’ worth of journals. It signals an apprehension I still sometimes feel.

I was sixteen. My partner at the time was achingly enthusiastic about my vulva in its every known state: musky or clean, shaved or stubbly, swollen and aroused or flat and demure. But “bloody” felt like another thing entirely; we had not discussed that.

As it turned out, she was more than fine with bloody tongue-spelunking. But having that initial conversation with a new partner still feels edgy to me, all these years later. There’s a strong chance they’ll wrinkle their nose and shake their head in barely-concealed horror, but it’s just as likely they’ll be blissfully blasé about blood taboos and dive right in.

My go-to approach to this conversation, therefore, is a bit coy. Typically I’ll say, “By the way, I’m on my period, so…” and simply watch what happens. In one case, at a threesome, the boy smiled and replied, “What would you like me to do?” (“DING DING DING, right answer!!” Bex and I yelled when we gleefully revisited this moment over dinner that night.)

Another time, I took home a hookup who would later become my fave fuckbuddy. He wields my favorite BJ dick so I would’ve been content just to blow him and say goodnight – but when I mentioned being on my period, he replied, nonchalantly, without missing a beat: “You know, I also have blood in my body.” He absolutely, 100% deserved the stellar blowjob I then gave him.

This particular FWB has the most exemplary attitude on period sex I’ve ever encountered in a dude, so I asked him to contribute some thoughts on the topic for this post. Here’s what he had to say:

Period sex can be a lot to handle at first. Maybe you don’t normally see a lot of blood and it feels weird. Maybe it just seems gross because so many people are squeamish about it. But to me, period sex is just a matter of different preparation. An old partner of mine and I had a dark red towel that we put down and folded when Aunt Flo was in town. Periods are natural. Let’s not forget that those of us with penises squirt out a weird body fluid EVERY TIME we come. So if you need to ask your partner to take a shower, do what you need to do. But making a partner feel gross for being on their period is shaming their entire biological makeup. It’s not cool, and it will not win you any points. Instead, you can think of period sex as an opportunity to show your partner that you fully accept them. Additionally, I find that the viscosity of vaginal fluids during menstruation can make sex feel AMAZING. So don’t knock it till you rock it. And remember: You’ve got blood in your body too.

Likewise, I knew my current boyfriend was a keeper when he “earned his red wings” the very first time we had sex. In our initial negotiation, I set a boundary that I didn’t want anything to happen to my genitals during that session, because “it wasn’t a good day for that” – but as I got turned on from makeouts and blowjobs and spanking, that line I’d drawn in the sand began to waver. I went to the bathroom to make sure my menstrual cup was still doing its job, and then I came back to his sunny bedroom and asked for what I wanted. He was happy to deliver – for at least half an hour.

I don’t know if most cis men really know how deeply their attitude on period sex can affect a menstruating person’s self-esteem. While I understand why someone might not want to stick their face in blood, it makes me feel so sad and rejected to have a partner who finds my bits distasteful one week out of every month. Even the smallest step toward gaining comfort with menstrual sex – pressing a Magic Wand against me through my underwear, say, or talking dirty in my ear while I masturbate – is better than eschewing it altogether (although, of course, consent and boundaries are of utmost importance, so if you don’t want to do it, you never have to!). I crave intimacy and sexual enthusiasm all month long, and that one week each month is the time when a partner can demonstrate these things most readily, most deeply, most impactfully. It’s a small thing but it can change everything.

Of course, loving period sex doesn’t mean I also love the mess that accompanies it. It’s fine when I’m free-bleedin’ in a bathtub (Kennedy Ryan calls this “Lady Macbeth time“), but recklessly sullying my bedsheets and clothes with blood is a bridge too far for me. That’s why I keep a dark towel near my bed, and a few packages of wet wipes within reach. Before I started doing this, I once got fingerbanged by someone who then looked around for somewhere to wipe his bloody hands. I was wearing black thigh-high socks, and said, “Just wipe ’em on these.” It worked in a pinch, but, y’know, wipes would’ve been preferable.

The afterglow is one of the loveliest parts of sex – it’s a shame to have to ruin it with clean-up. I’m a lazy princess and hate having to throw on a bathrobe and waddle to the bathroom on my post-orgasmic jelly legs for a washcloth wipedown. With the right tools by my bedside, I can do a quick-‘n’-easy spot-clean, pop my menstrual cup back in, and resume snugglin’ ASAP. When the person you’re fucking makes you all swoony and starry-eyed, you don’t want to miss out on even ten seconds of precious cuddling.

In the spirit of mitigating mess so you can get back to the fun stuff: I have a giveaway for you today! It’s ideal for those of you who partake of period sex, or other forms of messy sex – or are interested in trying. Aftercourse Wipes has generously offered up a month’s supply of wipes for two lucky winners: one in the USA and one anywhere in the world. These wipes are alcohol-free and use natural ingredients like tea tree oil, aloe, chamomile and lemongrass to get your bits clean after sex. The giveaway will run for two weeks; entrance details are below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Whether or not you decide to enter the giveaway, you can still get a discount on your Aftercourse purchase with the code “GIRLYJUICE.” Enjoy!

 

This post was generously sponsored by the folks at Aftercourse Wipes, and as always, all writing and opinions are my own. Feel free to follow Aftercourse on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter!

Cyclical Cock Cravings

The female hormone cycle is a strange thing. I’m on hormonal birth control, so you’d think I wouldn’t have any of the odd, cyclical mood swings and changes in desire that accompany certain times of the month for many women, and yet, somehow, I do.

Every time I’m on my period, I develop a weeklong craving for realistic dildos.

My current favorite, by far, is the VixSkin Mustang. It’s easily the most realistic toy I own, in both appearance and sensation. And every time my Shark Week comes around, without fail, I end up laying a towel under my hips and going to town on myself with the Mustang. That poor little dildo has bloodstains on it more often than any other toy of mine.

The Tantus Mark O2 (inexplicably on sale for only $29 at PinkCherry right now – what?!) and Adam O2 fulfill similar cravings, though they are a fair bit firmer, so sometimes my sore menstrual cervix can’t quite handle ‘em when I’m bleeding.

Lately I’ve been trying to make up my mind about whether to buy myself a VixSkin Maverick – essentially a bigger, juicier version of the Mustang I love so much. Last night I finally went ahead and did it. It’s probably way too huge for my relatively small vag, but it’ll be something to work toward, I guess!

What kinds of sex toys do you sometimes crave? Does your hormonal cycle have anything to do with it?

Sharing the Sexy #17

• Here’s a rad article on how to stimulate the A-spot! (If you want my advice on this same topic, I suggest getting your hands on a Tantus Tsunami, my favorite A-spotting tool.)

• Original Plumbing, a publication produced by and for trans guys, is expanding their web presence and needs your help! (The perks for contributing include things like indie porn subscriptions, so… why the hell not?)

• Here’s a piece on luxury sex toys, including Jimmyjane’s latest offering, the Hello Touch. (What are your thoughts on fingertip vibrators? I have historically hated them but am willing to believe that Jimmyjane might change my mind on this.)

• Ever wondered how to share sex toys safely?

• Would you want your vulva to look like Barbie’s? Oy, ladies. Love all your parts!

• A monthly delivery of tampons, pads, and chocolate for just $15 per month? How sweet!

• Kendra is planning her first gangbang.

Sharing the Sexy #15

• Here’s a tirade in favor of menstrual sex. Can’t say I’m on board with the penis-shaming therein, but she makes some good points.

• While we’re on the topic… This slam poet loves him some period sex!

• Porn star Madison Young taught a hands-on female ejaculation workshop. I love this part: When a female audience member came up to her after class and explained that she’d never had an orgasm, Young responded, “Hold on, I’ve got an extra 10 minutes — get on up there!”

• S. Bear Bergman writes about teaching a two-year-old to respect consent.

• What can self-proclaimed “Nice Guys” teach us about “the very real problem of male sexual entitlement”?

• Interesting fetish of the week: sexualized tampon use. Edward Cullen, anyone?

5 Products Your Vagina Needs to Know About

I’ve had two cases of BV and countless UTIs in the past couple years, and as a result, I fret a lot about my vagina these days. There’s nothing actively hazardous about it; it just seems to be prone to problems. In a way, it reminds me of a child who’s particularly nerdy and sensitive, who makes you want to protect him from the bullies at school. Except in this case, the “bullies” are infections.

Because I love you, dear reader, and I care about your vaginal health (or that of the female-bodied folks in your life), here are some items that make my vagina’s life a whole lot easier.

DivaWash. Manufactured by the same people who make the DivaCup, DivaWash is a pH-balanced, all-natural, super gentle cleanser. It’s meant for “face, body, and the DivaCup,” but since one of those things is designed to go inside my vag, I figured the wash itself is vulva-safe. And it is. I’ve been using it as my exclusive vulva-cleansing product for years now (except for this one time when I was on vacation and had to use regular soap, which resulted in a scorching case of BV). It’s soooo gentle and has only the tiniest hint of natural fragrance, so it’s not irritating or drying at all. Of course, the best way to clean a vulva is with plain water, but if you like a leeeetle bit more oomph, DivaWash is the way to go.

D-Mannose. I used to get a urinary tract infection about once a month, seemingly brought on by sex. For those of you who have never had a UTI, trust, it’s miserable. And it can spread to your bladder and then to your kidneys (yes, this happened to me – it’s not fun, don’t do it!). Then someone told me about D-Mannose. It’s a tasteless, odourless powder which you stir into a glass of water and drink up. It makes the insides of your bladder and urinary tract all slippery so the bacteria can’t hang on. Every time I feel a UTI-like twinge of pain, I have some D-Mannose, and the discomfort melts away within hours. It’s a miracle product!

Menstrual cups. Obvi. But please be aware that there are options other than the ones you’ve probably heard of (DivaCup, SoftCups, and maybe the Keeper). I spent a lot of time in the LiveJournal community for cup users when my DivaCup started to fail me, and I found out that not everyone can or should use the same kind of cup. Vaginas come in many different shapes and sizes and the cup selection reflects that! After much experimentation, my cup of choice these days is a large Yuuki. It’s big and firm, never leaks, never feels uncomfortable to me, and basically I want to marry it. What’s your goldilocks cup?

Extra virgin coconut oil. This stuff is flawless. You can use it on your face, hair, body, and – yes! – your vulva. I like it as a lube for my glass and steel toys, and it also works wonderfully as a post-shave moisturizer. (Even better if you can convince your lover to massage it into your skin!)

Plain yogurt. Some people put it in their vagina. I haven’t quite been able to bring myself to do that yet. But, if you’re ever on antibiotics for anything, and you’re even slightly prone to yeast infections, you should get on a daily regimen of eating plain yogurt with active bacterial cultures in it, at least for the duration of your treatment. It’ll keep your vag full of happy bacteria that fights off the bad guys and prevents the Cottage Cheese Discharge of Doom. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

I wish you the best of vaginal health, always. ♥