Hello, friends! I’m back with another instalment of 12 Days of Girly Juice. Today we’re talking about the 5 people who have had the biggest impact on how I think and feel about sex and relationships this year. Let’s jump in!
Clementine Morrigan is doing some truly incredible work. Their zines, workshops, and books are always profoundly thought-provoking, but it seems like the most popular thing they made this year was Love Without Emergency, a zine based on their constantly-sold-out workshop on trauma-informed polyamory. As Clementine thoughtfully notes in the zine, there are almost no resources out there for people who want to be polyamorous but struggle with it due to mental health issues and/or a history of trauma. Too many poly resources assume we’re all “sane” and “in good working order” mentally and emotionally – and that’s just not realistic or fair. We need more people like Clementine out there creating a model for what polyamory can look like for those of us who are anxiously attached, trauma survivors, or both. I’m so appreciative of the work she did this year to bring more attention to this issue.
Jimanekia Eborn is a force to be reckoned with, and a constant inspiration. Her podcast miniseries Trauma Queen focuses on healing from assault and trauma; the frank conversations therein are always refreshing and illuminating. More recently, she’s been raising funds for Tending the Garden, a retreat for women of color who are survivors of sexual assault. She also collaborated with Tango to design an Art of Healing kit, full of sexy and sensual items aimed at promoting sexual mindfulness. The work Jimanekia does is so, so important and I’m so glad she’s doing it.
Raven Kaldera has written, co-written, or edited about a zillion books, but this year, one in particular came to my attention and rocked my world. Kneeling in Spirit is about submissives with disabilities, and the ways they manage to pursue power exchange and kinky sex despite physical difficulties. I picked up this book because my chronic pain has been getting worse by the year, and so has my anxiety about whether my pain will one day make it impossible for me to have the kinds of sex I like to have. Raven’s book contains stories from many different kinksters about how they work around their disabilities – or sometimes actively incorporate their disabilities – in pursuit of their preferred types of sex and kink. I found it deeply inspiring and comforting. Along similar lines, Broken Toys is Raven’s book about submissives with mental illness, and that one’s a great read too. I’m so grateful to Raven for creating these resources, and for all the other education work he does.
Sleepingirl is a hypnokink genius; there’s no other way to put it. Her podcast Two Hyp Chicks delves into ultra-nerdy sub-topics within the world of erotic hypnosis, all backed by her many years of extensive research on how hypnosis works in the brain. Earlier this year she released The Brainwashing Book, a high-level tome on how to combine hypnosis with classical and operant conditioning to achieve your kinky brainwashing goals. Her other writing about hypnokink is less technical, more romantic: she elucidates the intimacy of hypnosis better than anyone I’ve ever read. I’ve learned so much from her this year about what hypnosis is and what it can be.
Dr. Liz Powell‘s book Building Open Relationships is, as far as I’m concerned, the best existing book on non-monogamy. It gave me immense comfort this year many times over, and I still pick it up now and again when I need a kernel of poly wisdom. This year, concerns were raised about the misconduct of a co-author of one of the most popular polyamory books out there, so I felt extra grateful this year for Dr. Liz’s compassionate, open-hearted, inclusively-written book. I’m sure I’ll be recommending it to poly newbies and veterans alike for years to come.
Who were your sex-savvy superheroes this year?