Author: Kate Sloan

5 Fun Things to Do When Your Partner is in Chastity

Kate Sloan
Wearing my sweetheart’s chastity key around my neck 🔑

Chastity has joined my constellation of kinks relatively recently; I’ve been my partner’s “keyholder” since 2020. They’re not locked up all the time, or anywhere close to it – usually I’ll lock them up for anywhere from a few days to a week or more, but never for longer than a month. However, even short stints of keeping their dick under lock and key can be emotionally and sexually intense for both of us. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more powerful than I do while literally wearing the key to someone’s genitals around my neck, giving them commands which they eagerly follow.

You might think that your sexual options would be limited if one partner’s junk is inaccessible – and yeah, it definitely puts some fun parameters around the types of play you’re able to engage in. But there’s a lot you can do even while your partner’s dick is caged. Here are a few of my favorite examples.

 

1. Strap-on sex

I’m a fan of strap-on sex in general, regardless of the gender or anatomy of the person I’m with; it’s an enjoyable way to experiment with sensations that are different from those you’d be able to access just by getting fucked with fingers or a flesh-and-blood dick. It can also feel more intimate and visceral than having someone simply hold a dildo and fuck you with it by hand.

It can be amusing to “make” my partner fuck me with a strap-on while they’re locked up. I can taunt them about not being able to do it with their actual cock, and can make humiliating comments about how they wouldn’t be able to last long enough to please me anyway, etc. Plus, on a purely logistical level, I like getting off from penetrative sex but often partners indeed can’t last long enough for me to get there, so it’s nice that with a strap-on, I never have to worry about them coming too soon and thereby losing their boner. (They might still come, though… especially if they’ve been denied orgasms for a while, and are particularly enjoying the sights and sounds involved in fucking me with a strap-on. Erotic hypnosis can also be used to make it so that my partner actually feels like the dildo is their dick, which can make it easier for them to orgasm from fucking me with it. Neat!)

Naturally, it’s also possible for me to wear a strap-on and fuck my partner with it while they’re locked up. I could see this being a particularly compelling activity for people who want to learn to come from prostate stimulation alone, since you literally can’t get any dick stimulation this way if you’re wearing a chastity cage, and have to rely on the prostate stim if you want to get off at all (assuming you’re allowed to!).

 

2. Butt plugs

Speaking of prostate stimulation… Wearing a butt plug can be a nice way of getting some kind of pleasure even if your usual avenues are thwarted.

I sometimes like to have my partner wear a butt plug while they go down on me or otherwise please me, because it seems to keep them more focused on the task at hand, and increases their arousal and pleasure throughout the process.

Vibrating butt plugs can be especially fun. One of my favorites can be controlled long-distance, so I can give my partner prostate orgasms even while they’re 500 miles away from me, which is pretty cool.

 

3. Love letters

One of my favorite things about chastity play is the emotional effect it has on my partner. This could be the topic of a whole other blog post, but suffice it to say, their romantic feelings toward me get dialed way up after a few days of being denied orgasms. It’s almost like they’re back in “New Relationship Energy,” the name given by polyamorists to the euphoric and obsessive mental state that is also sometimes termed the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship.

My partner is always good at writing me love letters, but particularly so when they’re in chastity, because of these elevated emotions. They can pontificate for paragraphs about how much they love various personality traits, talents, and body parts of mine. Since I’m not always the most self-assured person, I often like to take the opportunity during chastity stints to have them write me adoring words that I can look back on for months or years to come, whenever I need a confidence boost. Doing this might earn them a reward, or sometimes it’s just a task I assign them for fun.

 

4. Vibrators

Did you know you can use a vibrator on a chastity cage and the person wearing it can feel the vibrations? This isn’t true under every circumstance – my understanding is that it only really works if the person is hard inside their cage, but, y’know, it’s not too terribly tricky to get my partner hard when they’ve been denied any sexual stimulation for days at a time.

I like using vibes on my partner’s cage when I want to reward them with pleasure but still want them to feel teased and tormented to some extent. They’re obviously not feeling the full force of the vibrations when they’re conducted through the metal cage, so the stimulation feels comparatively muffled in a way that can be thrillingly frustrating. And orgasms, when they happen this way, can be painful and/or ruined, due to the tightness of the cage and the diffuse nature of the stimulation, which makes them a delightful treat for sadomasochists.

For this purpose, I would recommend a vibrator that’s strong and rumbly enough to be felt through the cage. Powerful wand vibrators are my faves to use for this purpose, especially those with a softer head that won’t clang against the cage too harshly. You can experiment with placement, but I find that pressing the vibe against the frenulum area usually works best.

 

5. Cuckolding

Now, granted, this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and won’t be within everyone’s relationship boundaries (but then, that’s true of all of these suggestions!). My partner and I are non-monogamous, though, and they enjoy the humiliation of being cucked, so it’s been fun for us to lean into that side of things occasionally.

For example, my partner has sometimes paid for my meal or transportation on nights when I’ve had dates (or, in one memorable case, a blowjob porn shoot) with other people, and then I might come home afterward and tell them about my evening over the phone while they groan in frustration. This amuses me, boosts my confidence, and helps ease the irrational guilt I sometimes feel about dating/kissing/fucking other people even though I’m explicitly allowed to do so. Plus it’s kind of a sweet (if perverted) way to reconnect after an evening apart.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

My New Favorite Menstrual Cup Might Be the Best One I’ve Ever Tried

Kate Sloan
All images via DivaCup

I’ve been using menstrual cups for nearly a decade and a half. With a few exceptions – like times when my period randomly arrives while I’m traveling and don’t have a cup with me, or times when my vagina is too sore for insertion so I temporarily switch back to pads or free-bleedin’ – I have never gone back.

Cups are just too good. They’re more convenient, better for your body than pads and tampons, more cost-effective, more environmentally friendly, and (once you get the hang of them) they can even be less messy.

My go-to cup for many years was a large Yuuki cup, which I liked because of its high capacity and how seldom it spilled or leaked. But back in October I received a press release from the people at DivaCup about their new Diva Disc and my interest was piqued.

Like Kleenex or Band-Aid, DivaCup is a brand so closely associated with their product category that some people use their brand name even when talking about other products by other brands. My very first menstrual cup was a DivaCup, way back in 2009 (I subsequently moved on because I found that the soft silicone they use was causing leaks/spillage for my particular body). They know what they’re doing when it comes to menstrual cups.

The Diva Disc is a bit different – it has a flat-ish design compared to a regular cup, so it sits horizontally in the vagina rather than vertically, which some people might find more comfortable and intuitive. I certainly find this disc easier to insert than many of the traditional cups I’ve used, largely because there’s no need to twist it around to create a suction seal once it’s inserted – you just fold it in half to make it small enough for insertion, shove it in there, and it unfolds on its own and usually finds the right position without issue.

It’s got a couple of features that set it apart from other menstrual discs I’ve tried. One is its “leakproof shield,” a thin piece of silicone that stretches across the top of the disc near where your vaginal opening will be, which prevents blood from sloshing out of the disc when you pull it out. This is usually a big problem with discs, because their flat design makes them act like a “blood drawer” (as one menstrual-cups blog put it), prone to spilling blood if you’re not super careful about the angle you pull the disk out at. I don’t have to be anywhere near as careful with the Diva Disc because the shield keeps blood mostly contained as I’m transporting the disc from my vag to the sink to rinse it out.

Another key feature the Diva Disc has is a silicone pull-tab, which makes removal much easier. I usually hate the little “stem” at the bottom of a traditional menstrual cup and have cut the stems off most of the cups I’ve owned, because they typically just poke me in the vaginal wall and don’t offer much practical benefit when I can always just grab the base of the cup with my fingers, twist to release the suction seal, and pull the cup out. But I’ve come to really enjoy the convenience of the pull-tab on the Diva Disc; I don’t have to reach as far inside myself to get it out, which ultimately results in less discomfort and less mess.

As for more basic considerations: the Diva Disc leaks less, and is way more comfortable, than most of the cups I’ve owned. My vagina can get sensitive to penetration during my period after a while, but the Diva Disc’s shape and soft silicone are comfy enough that they don’t bother me, even when my vag is throwing a tantrum. The capacity of this disc is great, and it’s supposedly suitable for up to 12 hours of wear (although I try to take mine out and rinse it off every 8 hours, at most, for vaginal flora health reasons). The disc is a dark grey color, which – while it doesn’t especially spark joy for me – would probably make this product feel more welcoming for nonbinary and transmasc menstruators. As is common in the cup world, this disc also comes with a little storage bag, so you can keep it lint-free when you travel with it. Ideal.

I really wasn’t expecting to fall in love with the Diva Disc when the Diva company sent it to me, but it’s quickly become the only menstrual product I want to use when period time comes around. Kudos to the makers for creating a genuinely well-thought-out product that does its job with minimal hassle required. Menstruating is never fun, but it’s made my period tolerable, which is really all I can ask for.

 

This review wasn’t sponsored, I just really like this product.

Review: YoYoLemon Vibrating Pussy Pump with Tongue Licking Motions

Kate Sloan

I really love oral sex. It’s such a basic-bitch opinion to hold that sometimes I feel vaguely guilty or embarrassed about it. Like, girl, you wrote a whole book on kink and BDSM. Surely your favorite sexual activities are more interesting than “insert genitals into mouth”?! And yet, at the same time, oral sex isn’t boring at all – there can be power dynamics involved, and intricate technique considerations, and a meditative headspace for either giver or receiver. Plus, you know, it feels really fucking good. (Why am I pitching you on the merits of oral sex?! Probably preaching to the choir, huh.)

Anyway, today I’m reviewing yet another oral sex simulator, the YoYoLemon Vibrating Pussy Pump with Tongue Licking Motions. It combines suction with up-and-down flicks of a silicone tongue, to provide an experience that theoretically mimics the oral sex technique likeliest to get me off: sucking and licking the clit simultaneously. Is it any good? Let’s talk about it.

 

Things I like about this toy

  • The suction is much stronger than I was expecting, and certainly stronger than you’ll find in a lot of toys in this category. It’s much more akin to an actual fucking clit pump than a paltry oral sex simulator, in that I can feel – and see – it drawing more blood into my vulva with each suck, and it stirs up arousal very quickly as a result. Sometimes the suction can get a bit too intense for my tastes (more on that below) but the first suction setting out of three turned out to be the sweet spot for me, and I never used either of the other ones except to briefly test them out for this review.
  • The wide mouth of this toy (2.2″ across) sets it apart from a lot of other clitoral suction toys because (depending on the size and shape of your clit and labia) it will likely suck on not just your clit but some of the flesh surrounding it, which creates a very different sensation. I really liked how it essentially caused my outer labia to be stroked up and down on either side of my clitoral shaft with every rhythmic suck, which gave me a deeper, more full-bodied clitoral sensation than toys that focus more on the clit alone or even just the very tip of the clit. I also think the size of this toy’s mouth might make it suitable for transmasculine people with bottom growth, and since it’s a gorgeous shade of kelly green (rather than pink or purple), it might suit them from a visual gender affirmation standpoint as well.
  • The suction motion is so wide and strong that it ends up physically moving my clit around inside the “mouth,” so that the tongue inside lands on different spots on my clit at different points in the suction cycle. This creates a sensation that’s much more varied and dynamic than a toy is usually able to provide, which makes the stimulation feel a tad more human/realistic.
  • You can control the suction and licking separately from one another; they each have their own button to flip through their modes (3 suction intensities and 9 different licking modes, the first 3 of which are steady speeds), and you can also use only one of them at a time if you feel like it.
  • If you turn off the suction function at just the right moment, you can get it to maintain the exact amount of suction you want, while you continue using the tongue’s various settings. Personally I prefer rhythmic sucking but I think this is a cool feature for people who want more sustained suction.
  • The suction seems to automatically release when the toy is turned off, which is good from a safety standpoint. I also found that (when properly lubed) the toy would easily release from my vulva even when the suction was on, if I just angled it up or down a bit.
  • To some extent you can control the degree of the suction by angling it various different ways. I didn’t always want the full amount of suction the toy was producing, so I could tilt it slightly to prevent it from reaching its full potential in that regard for a subtler sensation, at least until I got turned on enough to handle the more intense suction.
  • This toy is IPX6 water-resistant, which means you can wash it in the sink or shower without fear of ruining it, but shouldn’t submerge it in water.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • For me, the main problem with this toy is that the tongue is not stimulating enough. The suction is awesome, and gets me very turned on, but I need that little somethin’ extra from the tongue to get me over the edge, and it just doesn’t press hard enough (or maintain its rhythm well enough when pressure is applied) to make this a fully enjoyable experience for me. It also vibrates buzzily, which definitely contributes to the sense of nearly-numbing “not quite enough”-ness. I was able to reach orgasm with this toy but it was never quite as satisfying as I was expecting/hoping for. I think this could be fixed by removing the buzzy vibrations from the tongue, making them rumblier, and/or improving the tongue’s motor so its strokes feel more impactful.
  • The 3 suction settings differ only in intensity of suction and not in speed. This was a bit of a disappointment; at a certain point I wanted to be sucked faster, but still couldn’t handle more suction than was being doled out on the first setting.
  • This toy’s pretty big and bulky for its product category. It would be trickier to integrate into penetrative sex than some other clit suckers/lickers I’ve tried, and also didn’t always feel comfortable to hold after a while. I tried using it hands-free by holding it between my thighs but it didn’t tend to sustain a good enough suction seal on my vulva when I did this.
  • There are a couple of tiny holes at the far end of the toy which have something to do with the suction function, and I found that when I accidentally covered them up with a fingertip, the suction would become erratically more intense, sometimes uncomfortably so. These holes are in a place where they’re really easy to cover accidentally, inconveniently enough.
  • I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: all suction toys should have a manual-release button. If your toy dies or malfunctions mid-suck, you need to be able to release the suction without relying on the toy’s mechanics to do so for you.
  • It’s on the louder side of the spectrum. A lotta mechanical whirring.
  • It has a pretty short battery life – you’ll get 30-60 minutes of use from a 90-minute charge, depending on which settings you’re using.
  • As with most toys of this type, you gotta use a lot of (water-based) lube to keep it feeling good and mouth-like.

 

Final thoughts

At $55 USD, I think the YoYoLemon Vibrating Pussy Pump with Tongue Licking Motions is fairly priced for what it is: a powerful clit pump with added tongue-like stimulation.

For me personally, this is the type of toy I’d reach for if I wanted to get physically aroused fast, since its suction is very effective – but I’d switch to something else when I wanted to actually get off, because I just don’t find its tongue stimulating enough, what with its high-pitched vibrations and insufficiently strong strokes.

If you love having your clit sucked – or think you would – then I think this toy would be a good buy. To me it certainly feels more like a human sucking me than many other such toys have, and while the tongue wasn’t totally my clit’s cup of tea, it might very well be yours.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Summery Fashion & Beauty Products I’m Loving Lately

Kate Sloan

Yay, summertime! Here are some hot-weather-appropriate fashion & beauty items I’ve been enjoying recently.

 

 

Image via Amazon

American Crew pomade

I bought this because I’ve been stylistically very influenced by the character Roman Roy of Succession lately (more on that in the recent Dildorks episode about my evolving gender presentation), and his hair is one of the most striking elements of his signature look – it’s usually slicked back or combed to the side and very shiny with product, in a cool 1950s-throwback sort of way. I have this great asymmetrical short haircut now that I can do a bunch of different things with (shout-out to my long-time hairdresser Paul Taylor of Avalon Hair Design!), so I thought it would be fun to experiment with pomade, since I’d never really tried it before – I’ve used, at most, some gel or hairspray for certain elaborate styles, but more often just stick with a curl cream.

There are basically infinite ways to use this pomade, but my favorite lately is to smooth some through my towel-dried hair after a shower and neatly comb it all back with a tail comb. Sometimes I’ll add a little height in the front by pinning it into a pompadour shape with a bobby pin while it dries. This feels like a very summery look to me because it keeps my hair off my face (ideal in the heat) and the shine makes my hair look slightly wet, as if I perpetually just stepped out of a swimming pool. I also love the gender-weirdness of incorporating elements traditionally associated with men’s hairstyling into my otherwise femme-leaning look.

 

 

Image via Amazon

Clinique Chubby Stick Intense in “Mightiest Maraschino”

This is an old-school favorite of mine – I think I first bought it around 2015 and wore it a lot when I was in journalism school (largely because I was so busy and stressed all the time and often wanted to wear low-maintenance makeup, if any), and then in 2021 I remembered this lipstick existed, bought a new tube, and hopped wholeheartedly back onto the Mightiest Maraschino train.

I love red lipsticks of basically any kind, but in the summer, I tend to gravitate more toward reds that are glossy, sheer, and/or very quick and easy to apply – as opposed to the heavier, fussier, matte reds I’ll carefully paint onto my lips in the fall and winter. This Clinique lipstick feels as light and moisturizing as a tinted lip balm, but it’s a nearly-opaque bright red that looks good with pretty much everything. It doesn’t have the greatest staying power, but applying it takes so little time and effort that I don’t mind reapplying after drinks or meals as needed.

 

 

Image via Amazon

Coola face sunscreen in cucumber scent

I know this won’t be to everyone’s taste because a lot of people are sensitive to fragranced products, but I recently bought this solely because the standard non-scented version was sold out, and I’ve been surprised by how much I’m enjoying it.

Coola’s face sunscreen is the best formula I’ve ever tried, and I’ve tried a bunch. Way too many sunscreens are heavy, oily, and/or shiny, necessitating that I pat a lot of setting powder on top if I want to feel presentable. But this one dries to a reasonable level of dewiness, doesn’t make me feel oily and gross, and is a good consistency to apply quickly on my way out the door.

The cucumber scent is calming and cooling – ideal for summer – but it also only lasts maybe a minute or two, after which I can’t smell it anymore. Probably a good thing.

 

Image via MeUndies

MeUndies eggplant-print modal shorts (use this link to get 20% off)

MeUndies had a sale a little while ago, and I basically live in modal loungewear when I’m at home, so I had to at least take a look. Imagine my delight when I saw that they are currently making their super-comfy modal shorts in a print emblazoned with the most notoriously phallic emoji.

I haven’t worn these out of the house, and probably won’t – they’re a bit of a statement, to say the least – but I’ve adored lounging around in them at home, writing in them, sleeping in them, etc. They’re as comfy as boxers, but they have POCKETS, so I can keep my phone with me while I walk around, or whatever. Plus, naturally, I love what the print represents (that being: dicks).

 

 

Image via 3Delightfulshop

3Delightfulshop rainbow earrings

I’ve bought stuff from this Etsy store before and was happy with it, so I decided to get some gay-ass earrings to rock at Pride events. I’ve ended up wearing them a lot – they’re huge, and loud, and they seem to encourage people to see me as the queer weirdo that I am, which is always great.

 

What fashion/beauty stuff are you loving lately?

I’m Surprised By How Much I Love This Little Lelo Vibe

Kate Sloan
Please excuse any pinkish stains you may see on the toy in these photos; they are not the toy’s fault, I just let it ride around in a makeup bag that had some red lipstick remnants inside it and I am notorious for liking longwear lipsticks that are difficult to remove, haha.

My very first “luxury” sex toy purchase, back when I was a teenager, was the Lelo Nea. I saved up for it for months and was wildly excited when I finally got to take it home from my local feminist sex shop.

Still to this day, the shape of Nea – which is the exact same shape as some of Lelo’s other clitoral vibes, including the Lily – is one of my favorites for clitoral stimulation. I love the way its tip is narrower than its body but not so narrow as to be pointy or uncomfortable. I love the way it curves over my mons and down onto my clit, seeming to fit seamlessly against my vulva whether I’m using it solo or during penetrative sex. I love that it’s small enough to be thrown into my toiletries bag when I travel but not so small that I’m likely to lose it.

But the original Nea didn’t really deliver in terms of vibration strength or rumbliness, which is why I was so excited to be offered the Lelo Lily 3. It’s everything I loved about the Nea, but with a noticeably better motor. And as I’ve written before, the motor matters more than any other trait of a vibrator, so this makes a huge difference.

When I’m at home and I want to get off, I almost always use the Eroscillator or a wand vibe like the Magic Wand Rechargeable or Fun Factory Vim. All of these are strong and dependable, both in the sense of “being dependably able to make me come” and in the sense of “dependably not dying mid-use” – the Eroscillator plugs into an electrical outlet, the Vim has an impressively long battery life before needing to be recharged, and the MWR can be used while it’s charging, should it come to that.

Now, comparatively, the Lily 3 isn’t that great – it has a battery life of about 2 hours – but I bring this up only to say that it’s hard for me to find a rechargeable, travel-friendly vibe that I trust enough to bring with me on a trip, especially a trip where suitcase space is limited. The We-Vibe Tango X is my favorite one in this category, for many reasons, but the Lily 3 has worked its way onto my list of acceptable options, which is hard to do. In fact, at this point I’ve brought it with me as my only vibe for many overnight stays (e.g. when I go over to my parents’ house to visit them and anticipate having phone sex with my spouse when I go to bed), and it has never once disappointed me or made me wish I’d brought a different vibe.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that it’s super-powerful. If you’re used to wands or similar, this almost certainly won’t be enough for you. But what I find enjoyable is its rumbliness, which it maintains throughout its 10 vibration intensities. The smooth ABS plastic translates the vibrations well, which helps, too. I think another thing that makes this vibe so successful for me is one of the few things Lelo has always excelled at: this toy starts at a very low intensity and works its way up to a much higher one. This ultimately results in less desensitization over the course of a session, so that I don’t require as much power to get off and can feel the orgasm more vividly when it does happen. It’s a small thing that makes a big difference.

The Lily 3 is also very quiet, and is waterproof, meaning it’s ideal for surreptitious/discreet play or masturbating in the bath or shower, and is even the kind of thing I’d bring with me to my local sex club if I hoped to get up to some shenanigans in the swimming pool there.

The button layout is easy to understand, a relic from a simpler time in the sex toy industry: the button on the right turns up the vibration intensity if you press or hold it, and the one on the left turns it down. You can switch between its 10 vibration patterns by quickly double-pressing the right-side button, and you can adjust the intensity of any pattern, which is a great feature that always makes me way more likely to actually use patterns instead of just sticking with the steady vibration mode like I normally do. The patterns are good, as far as patterns go – some are too slow for my tastes, but many are steadily rhythmic and can feel really good.

Lelo has made a lot of missteps in their time, and one of them is that they tend to overcomplicate things, making vibrators that have a bunch of unnecessary bells and whistles that no one asked for. (I have been trying, and failing, to enjoy the new Lelo Dot Cruise, for example, in large part because of its “Cruise” function which is still inconsistent and terrible, despite the fact that the toy costs fucking $200.)

But the Lelo Lily 3 only costs $76, and it bucks that trend. It’s what Lelo does best: a simple, elegant, ergonomic vibrator with a wide array of settings, a respectable motor, and a luxurious “it factor” that makes you feel fancy and deliciously self-indulgent just for using it. It’s my favorite thing Lelo has put out since the Sila, their wide-mouthed pressure-wave toy that I adore.

It’s not earthshatteringly powerful or terribly unique. It doesn’t attempt to innovate or defy expectations. The Lelo Lily 3 is just a damn good clitoral vibrator, and writing this review has made me want to use it again, which is a good sign in and of itself.

 

Lelo didn’t pay me to write this review, they just sent me the product and I liked it. You know the drill: as always, all writing and opinions are my own.