Author: Kate Sloan

Let’s Learn About the A-Spot!

Kate Sloan

I am always going on and on about the A-spot – and every time I mention it, I’m uncomfortably aware that there are people reading my blog who may not know what that spot is. I needed an informative link to be able to put into my posts so people won’t be confused. Which is why I’m writing this.

The A-spot – otherwise known as the anterior fornix, AFE zone, or deep spot – is an internal erogenous zone in the vagina. On either side of the cervix (that thing at the deepest part of the vagina that feels sort of like the tip of your nose and sometimes hurts when you touch it too firmly) is a fornix; there’s the posterior fornix behind the cervix, and the anterior fornix in front of the cervix. It’s the anterior (front) one that we’ll be talking about today, though some people also enjoy how the posterior (back) one feels when touched. As always, experiment and figure out what works best for you!

The A-spot was purportedly discovered by a guy named Dr. Chua Chee Ann. He noticed that stimulating this particular spot on the deepest part of the front vaginal wall would cause fast lubrication and sexual arousal. His stimulation method was a “scooping” motion with his fingers, similar to the “come hither” motion that so many folks recommend for G-spot stimulation.

So what is the difference between the G-spot and the A-spot? I see how you could get confused; they’re both located on the front wall of the vagina, only a few inches apart. If you have medium-to-long fingers, you can probably access the G-spot with your fingers inserted only halfway into the vagina – but you’ll likely have to stick them all the way in to reach the A-spot.

The sensations are also very different, at least for me. G-spot stimulation can feel slightly uncomfortable at first, like I need to pee or like I’ve got an itch inside my urethra – but if I push through, eventually that feeling will turn to pleasure. On the flipside, I find that A-spot stimulation is pleasurable right away. However, with both spots, adding clit stimulation to the mix improves the sensation significantly.

You might be wondering: what’s the best way to stimulate the A-spot? I find I can’t do it with my own fingers, because they’re too short and the angle isn’t right. My partner can reach the spot with his fingers but he has to reach reeeeally deep, which isn’t always comfortable for either of us. I’ve found that the best way to touch this spot is either with a penis or a specific kind of sex toy.

Penises are great for stroking the A-spot. As with the G-spot, you’ll want your penis or your partner’s penis to press up against the front vaginal wall, but go deep. I find that my A-spot loves small back-and-forth motions, as opposed to larger in-and-out thrusts, but as always, your results may vary. Keep the lines of communication open so you and your partner can figure out the best way to stroke the spot.

Toys with a small curve at the tip are best for accessing the A-spot. You want a toy that can curve into the fornix so it can be inserted deeply without bothering your cervix (which we’ll discuss in a moment). Some of my favorite A-spot toys are the Tantus Tsunami, Tantus Pack ‘n’ Play #1, and SSA Glass Royal Adventure. As long as it’s long enough to get to the very end of the vagina at maximum arousal (which, for me, is about 6") and has a slightly tapered and curved tip, it should do okay.

Here’s a harsh reality: the cervix can get in the way of your A-spot pleasure. The two are right next to each other, and the cervix can be a source of pain for some. That’s why it’s important to go slowly and gently when seeking out the spot. If you’re using a toy, start with one that’s soft and squishy, ideally silicone. Keep the toy/penis/fingers totally flush with the front wall of the vagina for a better chance of avoiding the cervix. And I highly recommend not trying A-spot play on someone who’s menstruating, because the cervix can be extra sensitive at that time. Once you’re a pro at this kind of stimulation, you may be able to pull it off, but until then, I’d avoid it.

While the A-spot might seem mysterious, I think it’s destined to become the Next Big Thing in popular discussions of female sexual response. More possibilities for pleasure is always a good thing!

What have your experiences been with the A-spot?

Can Butt Plugs Cure Constipation?

Kate Sloan

Am I getting a reputation for being that chick who blogs about pooping? And a follow-up question: do I care?

This past week, three whole days went by without me evacuating my chute, if you know what I’m sayin’. That has never happened to me before. I was very worried.

I’ve been eating fewer calories lately to lose weight (that’ll be a whole ‘nother post, sometime in the murky future) and the other day I ate FIVE LARGE CARROTS because I am a lunatic. That’s probably what caused it.

I tried everything I could think of – short of regular ol’ laxatives, because I wanted to reserve those for a true emergency. I drank a fuckton of water to lubricate the pipes. I took an herbal psyllium husk supplement and waited 12+ hours. I walked around and jumped up and down. I ate more fiber, more fats. Nothin’.

Then I had a brilliant idea. There have been times in the past when I’ve inserted a butt plug, only to need to take it out again a few minutes later on account of sudden-onset bathroom requirements. This was always annoying before, but maybe now it would be a solution.

I poured a couple drops of Pink silicone-based lube on my medium Njoy Pure Plug and slipped it inside. I chose the Pure Plug because it’s heavy, so my butt would really be able to feel it and maybe it could wake up my intestines. (Man, I am so not a doctor.) I was prepared to switch out the medium plug for the larger version after a few minutes if necessary… but it wasn’t necessary.

After about 5-10 minutes of rhythmic clenching, hopin’ and prayin’, I heard angels singing hallelujah as my intestines started to do their thing. And then I went into the bathroom, took out the plug, and all became well with the world.

My theory on why this worked, which is backed by no medical knowledge whatsoever, is that the plug stimulated peristalsis. My butt was like, “Hey! There’s something in here! We better clear it out!” and other stuff was cleared out in the process too. Kind of sort of makes sense, right?

Mr. Will, another sex blogger, presented an alternate explanation: perhaps the lube was a factor. Indeed, the lube I used contains aloe vera, which some people use as a suppository when constipated. Soooo… yeah. That probably makes more medical sense than my theory.

Do you ever use sex toys to deal with your medical problems? (You probably shouldn’t. I’m not a doctor, I’m not responsible for the choices you make, you should always check with a medical professional, etc. You know the drill!)

Review: Pink + Gun Oil lubes

Kate Sloan

I am a lube snob. I use almost exclusively Sliquid. My lube collection is like an advertisement for glycerin-free, natural, vagina-safe products – and that’s the way I like it, of course.

I was sent some products to try from two lube lines, Pink and Gun Oil, both created by the same parent company, Empowered Products. They sent me full-size bottles of both the silicone-based and water-based versions of Pink lube (called Pink and Pink Water, respectively) and smaller samples of various other products they carry, including the basic silicone-based and water-based Gun Oil lubes.

So let’s get this out of the way: these products are highly gendered in their packaging and promotion. Pink lubes have soothing colors (mostly pink, of course), girly fonts, and the words “for women” (which bugs me, because anyone can use these lubes). My Gun Oil samples don’t say “for men,” but the packaging screams it with its military-style font and “masculine” colors. If gendered products irritate you or trigger you, etc., I think you’ll have to look elsewhere; some Sliquid lubes are less binarist in appearance.

But despite the differences in marketing, Gun Oil lubes are actually not different from Pink ones, formulation-wise. As this excellent Novelty Toy Meets Girl review points out, Pink Water and Gun Oil H2O contain the exact same ingredients, as do the silicone-based versions of each lube.

So you could say there’s no difference and that you therefore might as well buy whichever lube appeals to you most, visually, but that’s not exactly true either – there is a difference, and it’s price. As that same review explains (seriously, it’s a fantastic post), you can get greater quantities of Gun Oil lubes for lower prices. As is sadly the norm when it comes to gendered personal care products, women get shafted. So if value’s all you’re after, go for the Gun Oil.

What all of these lubes have in common is that they’re very liquidy and runny. That’s not something I personally like in a lube, because I always end up getting it all over myself and my bedsheets instead of on the toy I’m trying to use it on. But some people prefer that drippiness, because it can feel more “natural” and vaginal lubrication-like.

All the lubes are unscented, but the water-based ones have a sharp, sour taste that I would find really distracting if it got into my mouth at any point during sex. (If you want an oral sex-friendly lube, I can’t say enough good things about Sliquid Swirl.)

The lasting time of these lubes is okay, but not great. I would still tend to choose a thicker, more gel-like lube if I needed long-lasting slickness, like if I was going to use it for anal play. As with all water-based lubes, Pink Water and Gun Oil H2O can be perked up again with the addition of more water, though I don’t find that they get as slick upon reactivation as they initially were. Reapplication makes for a better result, so you might end up using a lot of product.

Lastly, both water-based lubes contain propylene glycol, which is a known irritant. Not everyone reacts badly to it, but if you’ve had problems with propylene glycol lubes before or if you know your orifices are sensitive to this sort of thing, you might want to give these a pass.

Overall, I can’t say that I’m in love with these lubes. I’m likely to stick with my old faithfuls because of their longer lasting times, more natural ingredients, and less aggressively gendered marketing. But, y’know, I’m always glad to have more lube options. Sometimes I even get into a girly mood and want to douse my genitals in something that says “Pink” in big letters.

Thanks, Empowered Products!

5 Ways to Make Your Orgasms Stronger

Kate Sloan

Yesterday I was doing some consulting work for a sex ed organization. They’re putting together some resources for youth who want to learn about sex without feeling intimidated or overwhelmed. They asked me and a few other young sex-positive folk for our input.

One of the points that came up – which may not be news to you, but is certainly still a problem – is that most sex ed is based in harm reduction and risk mitigation, rather than pleasure maximization. Once you learn the basics of STI prevention, birth control, and enthusiastic consent, it can be hard to find resources that take your sex life from “Okay, this is working” to “OH YES, I LOVE SEX.”

With that in mind, lovelies, here are 5 ways you can make your orgasms stronger – today. As always, not all of these suggestions will work for every person or every body, but give ‘em a shot and see how it goes!

1. Add penetration (or bigger penetration).

You probably know that when you reach orgasm, your pelvic muscles contract rhythmically. This feels great all on its own, but it’s even more intense when your muscles have something to clench around – so put something in your butt or your vag!

If you already do this (and most of y’all are sex toy savvy, so I’d imagine that you do), you can try something bigger to intensify the effect. If, like me, your usual dildo choices are smallish-to-average, try something enormous instead. It’s like adding extra resistance to your strength training workout, except you’ll be increasing pleasure as well as muscle!

2. Breathe through it.

Your feelings about “sacred sex” might range from enthused to skeptical… but you should know that using your breath to guide your sexual energy doesn’t have to be as woo-woo and ethereal as it sounds! It has actual practical implications.

Most folks tend to tense up as they get close to orgasm, and holding their breath is a part of that. While it’s true that getting off this way is generally the quickest and easiest way to do it, that doesn’t mean it’s the best.

As you get close to coming, notice your desire to hold your breath, but deny it. Breathe deeply and fully. If you like, you can mentally direct your inhales into your genitals to increase the energy flow to that area. It will likely take longer to get where you’re going, but it’ll be more of a full-body experience.

3. Rush.

I know I just told you to sloooow dooown – but weirdly enough, hurrying to the finish line can intensify your pleasure as well.

Test yourself. See how quickly you can get from absolute zero to orgasm. If danger turns you on, you can up the ante by doing this at a time when you know someone’s going to walk in on you in a limited number of minutes.

4. Change positions.

I alllllways masturbate lying on my back. It’s comfy and relaxing, but it doesn’t challenge my body or my mind, because it’s so easy and I’m so used to it.

If being upside-down doesn’t make you feel ill, give it a try: hang your head and torso off the side of your bed and come in that position. Some people say the blood that rushes to your head makes orgasms explosive.

5. Edge.

Get close to orgasm. Back off. Get close again. Back off again. Repeat until you can’t stand it anymore, and then finally let yourself come.

This one actually makes my orgasms weaker for some reason, but lots of people report astonishing results when they try it!

What’s your favorite way to boost your orgasms?

How to Repopulate Your Sexual Fantasies

Kate Sloan

I bet you can tell, dear readers, that sometimes when I write posts that are ostensibly for you, they are actually for me. “Teach what you need to learn,” as the saying goes.

My sexual fantasy life has been seriously lacklustre as of late. I don’t think of myself as a frequent fantasizer, so I wouldn’t have guessed that this would have such an effect on me, but I’m finding that my orgasms are harder to achieve and that I’ll get 30 seconds into a masturbation session before thinking, “This isn’t that fun. Do I really want to do this?” This happens because my noggin’s devoid of sexy thoughts and images, so I don’t feel sexy.

Aside from general sexual ruts, another good time to repopulate your fantasy world is when you’ve recently gone through the break-up of a sexual relationship – whether that relationship was romantic in nature or just a fuck-buddy type of situation. When you’ve been fantasizing about the same person for ages and then suddenly find you can’t think about that person without wanting to burst into tears, you may find it difficult to get into a sexy headspace.

Well, here I come to save you from your orgasmless misery. Here are my best tips on how to revitalize your sexual fantasies when they’re lacking or in need of a serious overhaul.

1. Watch porn.

Well, duh.

If you’ve already been trying to do this and it hasn’t been working as well as you’d like, I suggest trying a type of porn you don’t usually go for. Maybe something plot-heavy and romantic, or something featuring a different configuration of bodies/genitals than you’ve liked in the past. You never know what could get your gears turning.

2. Look up explicit fanfiction of your favorite fandoms.

Surely there is a TV show, movie, book, or play that you love which features a couple who either a) are really fucking sexy or b) would be really fucking sexy if they actually got together. (Harry and Draco, anyone?)

Archive of Our Own and FanFiction.net are two major hotspots, and if your fandom is popular enough, there may also be fanfiction communities for it on Tumblr. Look for stories marked “explicit” or “smut” or use the aforementioned websites’ filtering functions to seek out those stories for you. Scroll until you spot a pairing that riles you up, and then read, read, read.

3. Ponder the fuckable strangers and acquaintances in your life.

There are sort of two schools of thought on this: some people think it’s creepy as hell to masturbate to folks you know in real life, while some people think it’s natural and there’s nothing wrong with it.

If you don’t find it creepy, or you think you can get past the weird feeling long enough to rub one out, I recommend it. Remember: your fantasy life is 100% private unless you decide to share it with someone. Masturbating to the thought of someone isn’t a violation of that person, unless you do something creepy like tell them you masturbate to the thought of them (which you probably shouldn’t ever do unless the two of you are already fucking each other).

4. Fuck hot celebrities in your mind.

Surely most of you have already done this, right?

5. Read good erotica.

Online, there’s Literotica, which is a bit of a disorganized mess and can be hit-or-miss in terms of writing quality, but also has tons of goldmines to discover.

If you are a bibliophile, here are some erotic anthologies I recommend: the Best Bisexual Women’s Erotica series, the Best Women’s Erotica series (or anything Violet Blue has ever edited, for that matter), Lust, and Sometimes She Lets Me.

6. Make a list of sexual acts you find interesting, and fantasize about those.

MojoUpgrade is a cool resource for ideas for your list. Here’s another one. Keep in mind that your fantasy life is different and separate from your real life, so you can (and maybe should!) fantasize about things that you’re unsure you’d actually want to do IRL.

If it helps, combine this tip with numbers 3 and 4: picture doing all this hot stuff with cute celebrities or people you know.

7. Imagine you’re someone else.

Your fantasies have no limitations – or, rather, the only limitation is your own capacity for creativity. You can be and do whatever and whoever you want, so why not try putting yourself in someone else’s shoes? Try gender-swapping, or insert yourself into a power-play scenario that you likely won’t get to try in real life (student/teacher? parent/babysitter? patient/doctor?).

8. Consume sexual resources to get more ideas.

Right now I’m really digging Tina Horn’s podcast, Why Are People Into That?, which is exactly what it sounds like. The discussions are analytical and intellectual and very inspiring.

Instructional sex books can also give you plenty of ideas. I like The Guide to Getting It On, Sex is Fun, The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus. (Pro tip: a lot of Violet Blue’s instructional books, including the cunnilingus guide just mentioned, have short erotica stories sprinkled throughout that are relevant to the topic at hand. They are always ridiculously hot. I recommend!)

What do you do when your well of sexual fantasies has run dry?