Author: Kate Sloan

Sharing the Sexy #6

Kate Sloan

• Fascinating stuff on Sexxit: do guys with bigger penises enjoy sex more? (Answer: not really.)

• The son of one of famed sex research team Masters and Johnson was arrested for exposing himself. You just know that conservatives are going to use this guy as an example of why sex-positivity is eeevil.

• Conscious Cunt shares holistic strategies for avoiding yeast infections. As someone who has recently come off of antibiotics and has therefore felt the need to eat a lot of yogurt and take probiotic pills: I feel ya, gurl.

• Naomi Wolf’s got a new book about vaginas coming out. This article discusses the taboo-ness of vaginas in this day and age.

• Would you buy a straw that can detect date rape drugs?

• Buck Angel has opened a dating website for trans men and their admirers. I don’t know how to feel about this.

• Tips for beginners: how to call a phone sex line!

• Being sexually harassed? Here’s what to do about it.

• Since I know you’re all as obsessed with sex toys as I am, here’s some infographics on the subject.

• A woman is in trouble for injecting silicone into a man’s penis to increase its size. What?!

• (Trigger warning: rape, bestiality.) Have you been following the sad story of “ConcernedDad1965” and his dog-sodomizing son? Here’s the list of threads if you need to catch up. And here’s the latest update, which is looking slightly more optimistic, at least for Colby the dog.

Review: Sqweel 2

Kate Sloan

I have been excited about the Sqweel for a long, long time. Ever since it won a Lovehoney design competition years ago and they began marketing it as the first real oral sex simulator, I knew I had to have it. Sex toy obsession, meet my cunnilingus obsession.

Of course, I doubted it would really feel like oral sex. Especially since my boyfriend is a fucking cunnilingus master. He has studied my body and my responses and has honed his technique to the point where receiving oral is practically a spiritual experience for me. He always gives me a lot of variety while he’s teasing me up the hill toward my orgasm, but then he also knows exactly what methodical rhythm and circular motion I need in order to come. He’s a vagina genius – a vagenius, if you will. So how could a toy possibly compare with that?

It doesn’t. No toy will ever be as good as being tended to by a skilled and caring lover. But the Sqweel 2 is still worth getting if you like oral.

You might recall seeing the original Sqweel around the blogosphere a few years back. It was a simple design – a matte black disc-shaped case which snapped open to reveal ten flapping tongues on a three-speed rotating wheel. The second incarnation of the Sqweel has the same premise and mechanism, but it’s been updated: it has a stronger motor (apparently), a glossier case, a reverse function, and a “flicker” mode. Nifty.

My first warning about using the Sqweel: have lube on hand. Lots of it. If you’re not prepared to use a lot of lube every time you use this toy, then don’t even bother. Who likes getting slapped by dry, draggy tongues? Not me. Not you, either, I’m guessing.

Second warning: this toy will never work for you if you like pressure. It slows down rather pathetically when any significant amount of pressure is applied. I think the Sqweel could be a potential solution for women who find themselves too dependent on pressure and vibration to get off, as it might be able to help them ease their way out of “female death grip syndrome” – but if you need pressure and have no desire to change that, the Sqweel will not be your cup of tea.

And a few more warnings before we get to the good stuff: the Sqweel is loud and thus not very discreet, it takes three AAA batteries, and it’s not waterproof, as much as I’d love it to be.

Because I had heard so many mixed reviews of the Sqweel, I assumed I’d dislike it. And at first, I did. I lubed up my clit, held the toy to it, and turned it on – and it felt sort of blah. Ten silicone tongues flapping against my sensitive bits? So what?

But when I gave it time to do its thing, it built me up slowly to an orgasm that ended up being big and intense and shuddering, similar to the orgasms I experience from actual oral sex.

I picked up a couple of the alternative silicone wheels sold for the Sqweel, called Sqweelers. They’re for those of us who don’t like the standard “tongues” insert, or just want some variety. One of them is called the Wave, and it has little tiny tongues in the middle and two thin flaps, one on each side. This one looks weird when it’s not in use, but when it’s lubed and spinning on my clit, it actually feels like someone’s sucking me. Do you realize how amazing that is?!

The other Sqweeler I bought is called the Pearl. It has nubs on either side and a series of larger nubs or bumps in the middle. In use, this one feels like longer, firmer licks, the kind someone gives you when they’re trying to make you beg. And on the higher speeds, it feels like fast firm licks – perfect for sending me over the edge.

I find the original tongues insert is great for teasing and build-up, and so is the Wave insert. I can get off with all three of them easily, but the Pearl brings the most satisfying orgasms because it seems to apply the most pressure to my clit. The other two inserts just give up and keep on flappin’ when my clit is most in need of pressure, but the Pearl feels perfect while I’m coming.

The Sqweel’s three speeds are generally sufficient. There are times when I wish there was a fourth speed, but keep in mind: this toy doesn’t vibrate, so it’s not going to numb you out. I find that this lack of numbness means I’ll always be able to come eventually, even if I have to hang out on the highest speed for quite a while. (And honestly, that’s the way my body works when I’m receiving real oral sex, too, so whatever.)

So does the Sqweel 2 serve as a suitable replacement for an orally gifted partner? Hell naw, nothing does. But it’s still a wonderfully unique toy that gets me off and feels fantastic. I find myself actively craving it pretty often these days, which I have to assume is a good sign.

Thanks so much to Sex Toys Canada for hooking me up with this great toy!

5 Sexual Rules That Should Be Common Sense But Sadly Aren’t

Kate Sloan

1. Masturbate. This just makes sense. People who practice biking on their free time will do better in bike races, for example. I read so many stories on Sexxit about women (yes, it’s almost always women) who have trouble reaching orgasm during sex – or worse yet, have never reached an orgasm in their lives – and somehow don’t see their refusal to masturbate as the source of this problem. Folks, if you don’t jerk off on a regular basis, you don’t get to complain about your shitty sexual response.

2. Communicate. Anyone who’s ever read a sex blog, listened to a sex podcast, seen a sex TV show, or had good sex probably knows this rule. Sex tends to suck if you don’t talk about it. Doesn’t matter what you love or hate in bed, you need to tell your partner that information, or they can’t do a damn thing about it.

3. Bodies are inherently valid. This phrase is credited to the late, great Mark Aguhar. She was probably referring to the validity of bodies in a larger sense (body image, body politics, body dysphoria) but it applies to the way we should approach sex, too. Never make the mistake of thinking you don’t deserve pleasure just because you’re chubby, or “ugly,” or differently abled, or in transition. Your body is inherently valid and that means you deserve sex, good sex. We all have insecurities, many of which get dredged up in sexual situations, but that doesn’t mean we have to give those worries any credence.

4. Enthusiastic consent matters. I don’t just mean the big consent issues, the ones that center around rape. I also mean the smaller ways in which our culture dismisses the need for consent. People who don’t like to hug or shake hands are often branded “weird”; people who are uncomfortable with sensual and sexual touching get called “prudes”; the list goes on. Even within seemingly healthy relationships, there are plenty of expectations – for example, a woman who receives oral sex from a willing partner may feel obligated to give him a blowjob in return, even if she’s emotionally unequipped to do so on that night. The point is: check in with your partner, make sure they’re really okay with what’s happening, and be aware of the signals that might indicate when they’re not.

5. We get to choose how we identify. I’ve written about this before, because it’s important. No one can tell you what to call yourself or what you should be feeling. You can be a gay guy and still have sex with women if you want to. You can be a “femme in the streets, butch in the sheets.” You can identify as profoundly kinky and still have vanilla sex if that’s what you feel like doing. The acts you perform do not define you unless you want them to.

What are your sexual rules, principles, tenets, and values?

Review: Luscious Playthings glass vaginal egg

Kate Sloan

The Luscious Playthings glass vaginal egg comes in many different sizes, ranging from extra small to extra large. Normally this would be a good thing, but for a kegel product with no retrieval cord, I can only recommend the extra small size… and only to people who are comfortable putting at least half their hand into their vagina.

I was sent the small size, which isn’t that small: 1 ½” in diameter, the same width as some of the bigger dildos my vagina can handle.

It’s a beautiful product: totally smooth all over, softly pointed ends, high-quality glass. As an object of beauty or a paperweight, it’s flawless. However, as a vaginal product, I can’t recommend it.

I inserted it with only a minimal amount of lube. (Don’t do this. Trust me.) I stood up and bounced around, checking how well it stayed in. It didn’t move or shift at all, which should have been a warning sign; the mechanism by which vaginal eggs exercise the PC muscle is by feeling like they’re almost slipping out, thereby forcing you to clench your muscles to keep the egg inside. There was none of that feeling with this egg, because it’s too big and I’m too tight, evidently, even when totally relaxed.

After noting that the egg’s shape and dimensions fit my vagina so well that I couldn’t even feel the damn thing inside me (disappointing), I tried to push it out with my vaginal muscles.

Nothing happened. I reached inside and tried to pull or push it out of me, and again, nothing happened. This is when I started to panic.

My boyfriend was there at the time, luckily. I laid on my back with my legs pulled up and instructed him to lube up two fingers and try to extract the egg. He did, and we spent a good fifteen minutes like that, him fishing around in my vag and me trying to bear down with my muscles. Let me tell you, it was not comfortable. (Irrelevant sidebar: my boyfriend was hard the whole time. Not because he found my pain arousing, but because he gets hard easily and he was touching my vagina. If I hadn’t been in so much discomfort, I would have laughed.)

We even tried inserting the Magic Banana as a sort of makeshift vaginal lasso, but by then, the egg had gone up fairly deep into me and I didn’t want to push it in any further by accident.

Then I remembered that there is a position in which the contents of my vagina (e.g. a menstrual cup) tend to slip out, even when I don’t want them to. I know this because it’s the position I usually sleep in, but can’t when I’m on my period, lest my cup fall out and ruin my bedding.

The position involves lying on my stomach, with one leg (usually the right one, though it probably doesn’t matter) pulled up and bent. Imagine a flamingo or a person hopping on one foot, except lying down on their front. That’s basically what it looks like.

I laid in that position and pushed out rhythmically with my muscles while my boyfriend looked on. After a few minutes of that, I finally gave birth to the egg. And then immediately vowed never to try it again.

The product itself isn’t a bad one. Having no retrieval cord isn’t a big deal if the toy is shaped and sized in such a way that it can come out easily with a little pushing. But if the “small” size was big enough to get lodged in my vag, I have to wonder who would possibly want to use the medium, large, and extra large sizes. True, they’ll stay in all day if you want ‘em to, but a) that defeats the purpose of a kegel product and b) you might need an excavation team to get them out of you.

Thanks so much to Luscious Playthings for letting me try out this product!

Sharing the Sexy #5

Kate Sloan

• Have you entered my giveaway yet? (FYI: I’ve added some extra conditions to the rules at the bottom, since some people didn’t quite understand a couple of the entry conditions.)

• Suffer from chronic urinary tract infections? Read and learn.

• Some guy tried to burn his pubes off. People are idiots.

• A 26-year-old woman answers questions about being into bestiality. Personally I believe that only adult humans can truly give consent to have sex with other humans, and that “consent” from any other type of creature (whether that be a human child, a dog, or whatever else) does not count and should not be acted upon. What do you think?

• This old video from Playboy TV discusses Kegel exercises, pelvic health, and the Kegelcisor. I just bought one and am excited to try it out!

• Dodson and Ross: can you ruin your clit with too much pressure? I had an ex who could only get herself off by grinding against furniture. Have you overcome something like this?

• Stevie Wonder said something homophobic but is now back-pedaling on it.

• This guy’s penis is (according to him) 10 inches long and 7 inches in circumference (that’s about 2.2 inches in diameter). In other words, he’s as thick as a Tantus T-Rex and even longer. In that post, he describes some of the sexual problems he’s encountered. Remember, folks: bigger is not always better. (Plus, he has the idea that he’ll only feel he’s satisfied his partner when she has penetrative orgasms, which is a whole other problem…)

• I don’t know how you feel about NC17-rated Glee fanfiction (I don’t even watch Glee, myself), but this gal sometimes writes “alternate universe” stories in which Kurt is a pre-op trans guy.

• Lately I’ve been reading the blogs of a couple who are in a consensual “Daddy/little girl” relationship: Daddy Vinnie and A Lolita’s Life. While I wouldn’t want to be in a 24/7 relationship like this, I’ve certainly had lolita fantasies before.

• Conservatives are mad that there’s a not-so-obviously gay character in ParaNorman. I thought it was really clever and wonderful. The comments are great too: “If a parent isn’t prepared to answer some unwanted questions… then chances are, they aren’t prepared to be a parent in the first place. Do these people ever stop clutching their pearls?”

• This anti-rape ad campaign is excellent – and, for once, doesn’t involve victim-blaming.

• Roland writes about creep shaming. In my view, guys who go on tirades about how creep shaming is “oppressive” and a “women’s privilege” are totally ignoring the glaring fact that “creep” is literally one of the only truly hurtful words that can be used on men (as compared to all the zillions of mean words that men call women all the time, like “slut,” “bitch,” and “prude”). Not to mention that women need a word to describe men who have made them uncomfortable, and “creep” isn’t typically a word that’s used lightly, unlike “whore” and “bitch.”

• The Frisky asks: what are the weirdest places you’ve masturbated?