I’ve Succumbed to the Hitachi Cult

This isn’t a review. Zillions of people have reviewed the Hitachi Magic Wand. I’m sure you don’t even care anymore. You know it’s strong, you know it’s ugly, you know that most people who try it love it, and you know there’s a vocal minority who can’t stand the damn thing. So this isn’t a review, exactly, but… I wanted to write about my Hitachi.

I bought it because I had a bunch of sex shop gift cards saved up. First on my list was the Hitachi – not because I thought I’d love it (in fact, I thought I’d hate it), but because, as a sex toy aficionado, I pretty much need one. I need to know what people mean, exactly, when they say that something is “Hitachi-strong,” and I need to be able to make that comparison myself, when it’s relevant. So I threw a Hitachi in my cart (along with some other weird shit like the Boosty and the absurd Love Bone) and paid for my swag, hoping for the best.

When the package arrived, I immediately took the Hitachi out of its hilariously G-rated box and plugged it in. I held it to my pubic mound, practically trembling in anticipation of its purported Epic Power, and turned it on.

It was buzzy and high-pitched. It sounded like a food processor. When I held it to my clit, I went numb within a minute or two. I was not impressed. With practically no sensation left in my junk, I grabbed my Eroscillator and it finished the job for me a few minutes later. Then I laid back, exhausted, and glowered loathsomely at the buzzy behemoth on my bedside table.

Subsequent attempts went similarly. I’d press the toy’s giant head into my vulva, turn it on, and lose sensation within seconds. Frankly, it sucked. I wrote an angry review and tossed the Hitachi in the bottom drawer of my storage unit so as not to be reminded of its colossal failure.

…But something in me wanted to give it another shot. So, on a particularly horny night, when my Wahl and Eroscillator were both unexplainably not quite doing the trick, I pulled out the reproachable Hitachi again.

While using the Mustang to give my G-spot adequate attention, I turned on the Hitachi and decided to try out a different technique. This time, I spread my legs wide so my outer labia opened up somewhat and my clit poked out even more than usual. I placed the Hitachi’s head very lightly on my vulva, so that it laid just on my clit and nowhere else. And guess what? It actually felt really, really good. A few minutes later, I had a super intense orgasm that left me shuddering and writhing. I fell asleep still clutching the vibrator in my arms.

Of course, by the end of that session, my clit felt a bit like a dead circuit. But the more that I get off with my Hitachi, the less I notice this desensitization. It’s almost like it’s made me more sensitive. These vibrations, which used to feel so buzzy and surface-level to me, now feel deep and penetrating and immensely pleasurable. What gives?!

I don’t think I’ll really recommend the Hitachi to many people, partially because I’m still mystified about why I like it. It’s too broad, it’s super buzzy, it’s heavy and bulky, it’s made of questionable materials. But if you want a classic vibrator that’ll get the job done, and you’re not picky about aesthetics, and you don’t care about rumbliness… dude, you probably need one of these.

Sharing the Sexy #2

Here’s what I’m reading/watching/consuming about sex this week. Yeah, baby!

• Shay, of Conscious Cunt, interviewed me about body hair. We chatted about our pubes, pits, and legs, and how it all makes us feel about our bodies. Good readin’ for feministas and hairy princesses!

Luscious Playthings is a new Etsy shop specializing in handmade glass toys. How stunning is this butt plug?!

• I love, love, love this video of Steve Hughes doing stand-up about the perceptions of gay men and straight men. His argument is a good one to bring up with any homophobes in your life, though they probably wouldn’t find it as funny as I do.

• Dodson and Ross answer the question, “How do I know if I’ve had an orgasm?” I usually say, “If you’ve had one, you’ll know,” but they have a different perspective.

• I know you’ve heard this all before, but this dude on Sexxit is insecure about his dick and a bunch of folks chimed in to cheer him up. My favorite comment (the top-voted one) is a great reality check for men everywhere: “Your dick is for your orgasm, not hers.” Amen to that! I certainly don’t know any men who can come from having a clit rubbed on them, the way women are expected to come from having penises penetrate them – do you?

This post about “trans fat” people makes me realize how weird the world is getting. Trans fat folks are thin but identify as fat. Yeah, whatever…

• An oldie but a goodie: Starling writes about how to avoid coming off as “creepy” if you’re a dude. I strongly recommend that all men read this, especially straight men, to gain some insight and get some perspective.

• Rachel Kramer Bussel, one of my favorite erotica writers, lists her reasons for loving the Hitachi Magic Wand. As a side note, I recently bought a Hitachi and my feelings on it keep flip-flopping from loathing to love…

• Vagenda profiled 10 ridiculous products that are marketed at women. Surprise, surprise: a lot of them have to do with genital shame. When will this culture finally get tired of claiming that vaginas are gross?

Mission: Great Sex is raising money to help find the most pleasurable, well-fitting condoms, in an effort to improve the population’s enjoyment of safe sex. Awesome!

Review: We-Vibe Tango

I didn’t think much of We-Vibe’s line of clitoral vibrators when I first saw them. They’re the size of regular bullet vibes, which are so dime-a-dozen and unremarkable that many sex toy companies even give them away for free with pricier purchases. It was this video by Dodson and Ross that changed my mind – they claimed that their We-Vibe Tango rivaled the Hitachi in power. And it’s rechargeable. And waterproof. So I decided I needed one.

As for those claims about the Tango’s vibration strength – they are not inflated. At least, not by much. I did my research, and the Hitachi’s lower speed – considered too high by many – is 5000 RPM (rotations per minute), whereas the Tango’s highest speed is 4800. RPM refers to rumbliness (lower is rumblier, higher is buzzier), not actual motor strength, but keep in mind that rumbly vibes often feel stronger than buzzy ones, even when they’re not, because the rumbles penetrate deeper into the clitoral network. The Tango has oomph that only a devotee of the Hitachi or Wahl would scoff at (and even those folks should consider a Tango for when they go traveling and don’t want to lug a big electric massager with them). This sucker is really fucking strong and impressively low-pitched, so I feel it deep inside my vulva, not just on the surface of my clit.

My Tango is a pretty shade of powder blue. We-Vibe takes risks with their colour schemes, stocking “traditional” sex toy hues like pink along with less traditional ones like teal, red, and white. The word “Tango” is subtly embossed at the bottom of the toy. Though this vibe is made of hard plastic, not usually my favorite material for sex toys, it feels very well-made and high-quality.

The Tango and the other We-Vibe clit toys, Salsa and Touch, all have the same motor but each offer different options in terms of shape. When choosing which one you want, it’s a good idea to look at your current favorite clit toys and figure out which you prefer: a traditional rocket-like bullet shape (Salsa), a flat lipstick-like tip (Tango), or a pointed tip and/or scoop shape (Touch). I decided to go for the Tango because my clit really digs the flat tip of my Lelo Mia but has found the Mia too weak sometimes. The Tango solves that problem easily and is exactly what I wanted.

In addition to four steady speeds that range in power from “kinda strong” to “practically Hitachi strong,” the Tango has four vibration patterns. Two of them, the rhythmic “cha-cha” and annoying pulse, do little to nothing for me. But the other two are pretty cool. The “wave” pattern goes up and down gradually and smoothly in a roller coaster-like way, making me feel like I’m almost going to come and then backing off again like a devilish lover. The “tease” pattern is made up of several long pulses followed by a series of shorter ones, and I find it maddening in the best possible way.

As I mentioned, the Tango is waterproof (it charges magnetically, so you don’t have to worry about any water getting into a charging port), and wonderfully, water doesn’t weaken its vibrations. Sadly, pressure does. I find that, as with my Eroscillator, I get the best mileage out of Tango’s power if I hold it lightly on my clit. Pressure-lovers will find this to be a dealbreaker but I think it feels just as good.

Remember when I said the Tango is far superior to the Lelo Mia? It is, except for one thing: Mia can be locked for travel. I would love to be able to keep the Tango in my bag at all times in case of a sudden arousal emergency, but I’d be too paranoid that it would turn on accidentally, especially since turning it on is as easy as pressing its button once.

Speaking of the button… Whyyyy is there only one?! I realize they’ve done that to preserve space and make the toy as uncluttered as possible, but it’s obnoxious sometimes. I don’t always want to have to cycle through all the patterns to get back to my preferred steady speed.

One final issue: my Tango has a small white bump on its tip. I know this isn’t a fluke because I’ve seen a few other reviews mention the same defect. I use the flat part of the Tango on my clit, not the pointed tip, so I have yet to hurt myself on the bump, but this is something We-Vibe should work to improve in future batches.

Do you hate most small clit vibes because they’re not strong enough? Do you wish there was a decently powerful alternative to those stupid watch-battery bullet vibes that you can stick in the base of your strap-on dildos? Do you want a toy that will get you off in the bath or on vacation? Do you need your vibrators to be quiet and discreet? If you answered yes to any of those questions, get the Tango or its sister, the Salsa. Your clit deserves some rumbly lovin’.

Review: Fun Factory Boosty

When I showed my boyfriend a photo of Fun Factory’s latest butt plug, the Boosty, he audibly shuddered. “That looks so uncomfortable!” he said. Meanwhile, I was plotting ways to get my hands on one ASAP.

Now that I’ve got one, I’m not disappointed. It might be the cutest-looking toy in my collection. It looks like ice cream, or an abstract snowman for your butt, or something. It’s a lovely shade of teal, and you can also get it in black, but why would you?

The Boosty is made of 100% silicone. It’s pretty squishy and forgiving. This, coupled with its barely-tapered tip, sometimes makes it tricky to insert. I’ve found it helpful to lube up the inside of my ass as well as the plug itself (water-based only, please!), to warm up with a smaller tapered plug first, and to go slow. Of course, that’s good advice for any plug, but the Boosty’s shape makes it more challenging to insert so it’s wise to know what you’re doing. For this reason, I wouldn’t recommend this toy to anal beginners.

It’s a great size for an intermediate plug. It measures 1 ½" in diameter at its widest point, which normally is my upper limit for anal toys, but this doesn’t feel like a stretch because the plug’s size increases gradually. If I can get the smallest bulb (about 1 ¼") to slip inside, I know that the rest will follow, because it’s a well-designed and anatomically conscious toy.

As with any slanted or curved plug, some people will prefer to wear it facing forward and some will like it better backward. The rectum naturally curves toward the back of the body, so that feels more natural and comfortable for long-term wear, but I find I don’t get any G-spot stimulation unless the plug is facing forward.

This is a plug I can happily wear for hours at a time, if I take care to re-lube every half hour. Its shape and size feel perfectly filling in my ass, and its slender but sturdy base nestles neatly between my cheeks. I don’t experience any pain or discomfort while sitting with the Boosty in, unless I shift positions abruptly and quickly. And I never, ever feel like it’s slipping out, probably because the body of the plug is so much bigger than the neck.

It’s not a flawless toy, though. There’s a seam that runs all the way around it, marring its beauty and smooth texture. I’m not particularly seam-sensitive and can’t feel this one during use, but it bugs me that a toy company would subject customers’ sensitive tissues to sharp seams. Surely there’s a better way?

The other problem with the Boosty is that it retains ass smell more than any other toy I own. I don’t know why this is, since most of my anal toys are made of pure silicone which should theoretically have all the same properties. A good scrub with hot water and soap after use doesn’t get the smell out; boiling it helps a bit, but not much. This isn’t a big deal, since I don’t spend a lot of time sniffing my sex toys, but it’s still an issue I wish this toy didn’t have.

For people who already know that they like butt plugs and can handle one of this size, the Boosty is a fantastic option. It’s whimsical, satisfying, and comfortable. This is right up there with my butt’s other love, the Pure Plug. I’m looking forward to trying out more Fun Factory anal toys in the future!

Sharing the Sexy #1

I’m going to start doing a round-up of links to articles, threads, photos, etc. that are relevant to the interests of this blog. It will be sporadic and periodic, but hopefully you’ll still enjoy it! Here’s what I’m diggin’ on this week:

This guy on Sexxit was all in a tizzy because his potential girlfriend masturbates every other day (GASP! The horror!). We set him straight.

• Also on Sexxit: would you date a pre-op trans* person of your preferred gender? The answers are largely offensive and ignorant (as you can generally expect when a mostly cis group has a discussion about trans issues), but there are a few good ones. I liked Afro_Samurai’s comment: “Really not certain how I would feel in terms of physical attractiveness. I’m certain I would be paranoid about saying something insensitive, screwing up with gendered language or something.”

• Misty writes about trans-friendly and genderqueer-friendly parenting. “What your (our!) job is, as a parent, is to give him the strength and confidence to be himself and to face those who will question him and give him crap because he doesn’t conform to their ideas of who he should be. Giving him yourself as support and the tools of confidence is what will ‘protect’ him in the long run.”

• Rosie describes her experience at a Body Pride workshop. I was at the same workshop, and will be putting up my article about it just as soon as I get my hands on the naked photos that were taken of me there!

• The SexIs Social writing contest applicants are being put to a vote. I would really appreciate if you could vote for one of my articles, whichever one you like best – I wrote Menstrual Sex: It’s Not Just For Vampires, The 5 Hallmarks of Feminist Porn, and Why You Should Buy Your Mom a Sex Toy. Thanks, lovelies!

• My new article came out on Sex Toys Canada: How to Improve Your Genital Flavour. It’s a rundown on dietary adjustments and tasty products you can use to sweeten yourself up, if you’re into that. I also wrote an article about the anterior fornix (or A-spot) for SexIs.

This period-tracking app looks perfect! (I use MonthlyInfo.com – do you use a period tracker?)

• I showed my boyfriend this foreskin-fingering technique and asked him if he’d ever tried it. He has a very very sensitive penis, so this was his answer: “AAAAAH WAAAAAT NOOOOO!”

Have a good weekend, y’all! I’ll see you Monday for more chattin’ about porn, sex toys, and all that other good stuff.