Author: Kate Sloan

That Time I Went to a Handjob Workshop

Kate Sloan

After I grew to like penises, I quickly grew to love handjobs. The closeness, the intimacy, the ability to completely control my boyfriend with a flick of my wrist or a quick adjustment of finger positioning. I love everything about giving pleasure with my hands.

By a stroke (ha!) of luck, I happened to win a free ticket to a handjob workshop, around the same time that I was just getting into them. I felt very much like the universe was taking care of me; like it knew what I wanted.

The workshop was held in the upstairs room of my favorite feminist sex shop. I signed in, climbed the stairs, and chose an empty seat directly facing the instructor. I got out a pen and my little notebook, ready to record anything important.

The instructor began by telling us about herself – her sexual and professional history, and why she felt qualified to be giving this workshop. She came across as very smart and savvy, and I felt I was in good hands, so to speak.

Then we went around the circle and each told the group our name, our reason for attending the workshop, and our favorite part of the male physique. Some people had very little experience dealing with penises (like me) and wanted to learn from the ground up; others had been giving handjobs for literally decades and just wanted to pick up a few tricks. As for our favorite feature of the male body, many people said they like men’s warmth, arms, and butt; I professed my passion for the foreskin. (This proved to be a great idea because it meant that the instructor addressed me all evening with tips specifically for uncut guys.)

It was around this time that I began to feel really comfortable. These things are always awkward at first, but you quickly realize that you’re in good company. Everyone around me was non-judgmental and passionate about penises – the perfect crowd for such an event.

The workshop progressed into a lesson on male anatomy. Most of the stuff, I already knew – the head of the penis, the shaft, balls, frenulum, perineum, prostate – but the instructor mentioned that the entire underside of the penis is sensitive, compared to the top side, which I’d never really pondered before. I’d spend most of my time focusing on my boyfriend’s frenulum, never knowing that the rest of that side was very receptive too.

The instructor passed out a two-page handout for us to take notes on, and began to walk us through what she considers the three most important elements of a handjob: variety, lube, and pressure. We discussed “mixing it up,” and which lubes are best for giving HJs (silicone-based, or an oil if you’re not going to use condoms afterward). Some people had questions, which the instructor answered thoughtfully and insightfully.

Then we had a 15-minute break. I wandered downstairs and bought a little bottle of Pjur, convinced of the wonders of silicone-based lube, and a few flavored condoms just for fun.

When we started up again, we dove straight into techniques. A basket of realistic silicone dildos was passed around, and we each took one. Then the lube circulated; we rubbed it onto our dildos, and only the occasional participant seemed at all embarrassed. We referred to the list of technique names on our handout, and the instructor demonstrated each of them, moving slowly and purposefully from move to move. Sometimes she’d show us a video of a particular technique in action, to help us understand. She walked around the room and watched people’s hands, adjusting us when we got something wrong.

We went through each technique twice, to make sure they were truly drilled into our muscle memory. After taking a few questions, the instructor had us go around the room and each say one technique that we were most looking forward to trying out. I honestly don’t remember what I said, because I ended up going home and trying out all of them on my very lucky boyfriend.

I’d definitely recommend sex workshops to anyone who feels brave enough to go, provided that they’re held in a reputable venue (don’t go to your local skeezy adult video shop to be taught proper sexual technique!). They can be very empowering and may enliven your sex life with some much-needed confidence. Maybe I’ll even drag my boyfriend to a couples’ workshop someday.

Review: Tantus Flurry O2

Kate Sloan

When PinkCherry asked me to send them a list of toys I’d be interested in reviewing, I took my time with it. I combed through their site and noted down all sorts of items, from Pipedream to Lelo. But when I sat back and looked at the completed list, I noticed, to my surprise, an overwhelming amount of Tantus. It seemed strange to me because I already own the two Tantus toys I’d coveted the most, the Adam O2 and the Ryder – but I guess Tantus is just more covetable than a lot of other companies for me. Their toys are made of 100% platinum silicone (yay, sanitizability!), are always intelligently designed, come in a variety of colors, and are just overall fantastic.

So I was pretty excited when PinkCherry.ca sent me a Flurry O2 dildo. It’s from Tantus’s O2 line, which consists of all dual-density dildos – they have a core of firm silicone, and an outer layer of softer, squishier silicone, giving them a very real penis-like feeling. Oddly enough, my boyfriend and I both agreed that the Flurry is closer in feeling to his actual penis than the more realistic-looking Adam is – it feels a bit squishier, and the finish seems less sticky.

I was sent the Flurry in the color “twilight,” which is a beautiful pale lavender. The core layer is dark purple, while the soft outer layer is white; this gives the toy a lovely gradient throughout its body, an elegant touch I haven’t seen from anyone but Tantus.

I think of the Flurry as being like the cock of a vampire, or an alien. It’s not made to look realistic, with its two stacked heads and completely smooth shaft. It’s from the more martian-like branch of Tantus’s O2 line, so it doesn’t have veins, balls, a frenulum, or anything else that would make it similar to a penis – except for its obviously phallic shape and that doubled head.

This is the girthiest dildo I’ve ever used, at 1 ½” in circumference (though, admittedly, I am just starting out in the world of reviewing dildos – I’ve been more of a vibrator girl up til now). It takes plenty of warm-up and plenty of lube before I’m ready to let this thing impale me. But when I do, it is deliciously filling in the same way that my boyfriend’s dick is – comforting me with its width, rather than stretching me.

There are two major things to know about potential discomfort with the Flurry. The first is that it is silicone, so it eats lube, and has a bit of drag to it, more than something made of glass or steel would – and therefore, you may need more lube with it than you’d think.

The second thing is, of course, the bulbous ridges, designed to stimulate the G-spot. They do their job, but they are very intense. If you’re texture-sensitive, I wouldn’t recommend this one. Even drizzled in lube, I find these ridges somewhat uncomfortable on entry – though, that discomfort changes to pleasure pretty shortly.

The design of this dildo is a little odd in that it has no texture after the two ridges – so if you want that G-spot stimulation, you have to thrust the toy pretty shallowly. I’m okay with that, especially since I can’t even fit the toy’s whole 7″ inside me (I can get up to about 5 ½” before nudging my cervix), but it makes it a questionable choice for your partner to use on you during oral sex, since it might get in the way if thrusted that shallowly. Its girth does make it fabulous for clenching down on during orgasm, however.

Speaking of nudging my cervix… The Flurry is much softer and squishier at the tip than it is in the shaft, so if it does make contact with my cervix, it’s not a big deal, the way it is with glass. It doesn’t give me that “oh please god no” kind of pain that my cervix usually shoots out when clinked against pyrex. And that is definitely a blessing, especially with a toy as long as this one.

The wide, round base of the Flurry makes it harness-compatible and safe for anal (I didn’t tackle that challenge, because I am a total novice in the world of anal play). There’s a little raised “Tantus” logo at the base of the toy, parallel with the G-spot ridges, which I really appreciated because I have an issue with losing track of how dildos are oriented inside me.

I’d recommend this toy to someone who wants a stellar-quality, non-representational dildo with a bit of girth to it. You might not like it if you like intense G-spot stimulation and deep penetration at the same time, but if you like only one of those at once, the Flurry has got you covered.

Thanks so much, PinkCherry.ca, for bringing a bit of vampire dick into my life (and my vagina)! Check out their sex toy blog and enter their contest to win $100 in sex toys!

Ask Girly Juice: How to Prepare for Losing Your Virginity

Kate Sloan

Anonymous asked: I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together for several months now. We’re both virgins, and we both want to eventually have sex with each other – but I’m scared and not sure what to expect. How can I prepare myself, emotionally and physically?

Kudos, Anonymous! Few young people give their “first time” the attention and preparation it deserves, and that’s why so many people report lacklustre experiences. Your eagerness to get educated will definitely bode well for you in the bedroom!

First, it’s important to learn about making sex safe. The best way is to talk to your doctor about your options, if you feel comfortable doing that – and if you don’t, you should switch doctors!

If you’re planning on going on hormonal birth control, get a prescription for that from your doctor (or a contraceptive clinic in your city, which you can find by Googling). You’ll generally be instructed to take the first one on the first day of your next period. After that, it will take about a week to kick in. Make sure you give yourself enough time for all this to happen; don’t rush into anything.

Buy some condoms, or acquire some at birth control clinics where they’re often distributed for free. Basic, normal, lubricated ones are probably your best bet for now. Once you’re comfortable having sex, you can explore other options –there’s a whole world of fancy condoms out there!

Have a look through a sex ed website geared toward young people, like Scarleteen.com, or SexIsFun.net’s Teen Site, or a good sex guidebook, like Sex Is Fun: Creative Ideas for Exciting Sex or The Guide to Getting It On. Thoroughly read any parts that you think might be useful for you. Take notes, if you’d like. Tell your boyfriend about anything interesting or unexpected that you come across, whether it’s something you definitely want to try or desperately want to avoid.

Talk to your boyfriend! Communication is the most important element of a healthy sexual relationship. Discuss what your expectations are. Set your boundaries. Make sure that he will stop or slow down immediately if you tell him to do so. I doubt I even need to tell you this, but never, ever have sex with someone you don’t trust to stop if you tell them to.

Get to know yourself sexually, if you haven’t already. This means: masturbate, and learn about your own sexual response. If you’re comfortable with your anatomy and the way you respond to sexual stimulation, you will be leaps and bounds more confident in the bedroom. Check out an online sex shop if you’re in need of some mechanical assistance.

It’s very important that you be well-lubricated when you have sex. This is especially true when it’s your first time, because wetness will lessen any pain significantly. Don’t just jump right into it; start with a lot of foreplay so you’ll be very warmed up by the time you get to the actual penetration. If you don’t have much natural wetness, use a water-based lubricant. Put it around your vaginal opening and all over the head of his penis, over the condom.

When it’s time, try to relax. Have a towel or something similar underneath you incase there’s blood, or other messy fluids. Depending on the size and state of your hymen, you might experience a lot of pain or none at all; be prepared for either, but try not to be too nervous. If you love and trust your boyfriend, and you know that he loves and respects you, you should feel confident that you can have him stop at any time, and that knowledge ought to help relax you.

Don’t expect your first time to be awesome. Most aren’t. However, you already have an advantage that a lot of people don’t: you’re going to lose your virginity to someone you trust.

If you don’t adore sex right away, don’t sweat it. As with most things, it gets better with practice. As sex guru Dr. Sue Johanson says, “Sex is perfectly natural, but not naturally perfect.”

Pocket-Sized Porn Reviews: Anchorman XXX, Sex and Submission

Kate Sloan

The boyfriend and I sat down to watch the first disc of Anchorman XXX together because we’re both huge Anchorman fans. We’re those annoying folks who will quote Anchorman whenever any of its many well-known lines are even slightly relevant. I thought we would find the XXX version highly amusing; my boyfriend thought we would hate it – and we were both right.

Anchorman itself has a mood and voice that translate easily to porn, making this film seem oddly in tune with the original. The actors are porn stars, so even calling them “actors” is generous – but, to their credit, they mostly stay in character (I loved Jack Lawrence’s highly affected moaning as Ron Burgundy, ever sleazy and charismatic even right after ejaculating).

What killed this movie for us was the women. They’re overly bouncy, blonde, and chipper. They’re too young to be playing these roles (Christina Applegate was 33 when she played Veronica Corningstone; Tasha Reign was 22 when portraying the same character). And they don’t seem to have any real orgasms, just letting out never-ending repetitive shrieks and moans. My man and I agreed that we didn’t find the sex scenes arousing at all, just occasionally funny.

Not too long ago, I was scrolling through my porn folder, trying to find something to get me hot so I could test out a dildo to review, and I noticed this episode of Sex and Submission. It stars James Deen and Megan Murray. I’ve actually never seen any Sex and Submission stuff before this, nor have I really seen much super-kinky porn, so it was cool to delve into it with something so high-quality.

Deen is terrific, as always. I’m used to seeing him adoring women, treating them right, and giving them what they want, but he’s just as hot when he’s flogging his “personal whore” and shouting at her to keep her mouth open wide. Despite his reputation as a very female-friendly porn star, he also makes an incredibly convincing and sexy dom.

I’m not terribly into the pain stuff, but the bondage was hot, and so was Megan’s complete and utter submission. I appreciated that there are little interviews, one at the beginning and one at the end, in which James asks Megan questions about what kind of rough sex she likes, what kind of pain she’s up for, and (after the scene) why the flogging made her cry. These interviews added an element of “yes, this is definitely 100% consensual” which set my feminist heart at ease and allowed me to enjoy the action.

Review: SSA Glass Amethyst

Kate Sloan

The Amethyst has been on my wishlist for a long time. I could tell you I wanted it because it’s made of smooth, nonporous pyrex glass, or because of its G-spotting abilities… but honestly, the reason I wanted it is that it comes in a gorgeous, rich shade of royal blue – my favorite color in the world.

Okay, maybe that’s not the best justification for buying sex toys – but that’s okay, because this dildo turned out to be wonderful, despite the lack of sound reasoning that went into me requesting it.

Confession time: I’m something of a G-spotting beginner. Sure, I’ve tried the Ella, and doggie-style is my favorite position because of what it does to my insides, and I’ve had my boyfriend reduce me to a puddle of moaning bliss by forcefully rubbing my spot with his lube-drenched fingers… but somehow, I still feel like a total novice in this area. I can’t always accurately locate my own spot, and even with a partner, I find it very difficult to relax into the weird, new, sometimes uncomfortably intense sensations of G-spot play. Sometimes it feels like I’m approaching an orgasmic breakthrough, but then I get nervous that I’m going to pee on the sheets, so I freak out and tense up. Bummer.

Everyone tells me that I just need to relax, and put those worries out of my mind. And I figure the best way to do that is to do it alone. I’m certainly not going to judge me if I pee all over myself.

But back to the Amethyst… It’s gorgeous. Initially I thought it looked remarkably small, but of course, it’s not meant to be a filling fuck. It comes packaged in a red velvet pouch, perfect for storage.

The Amethyst is a dead ringer for the much-lauded Don Wands Bent Graduate – same shape, roughly the same size. Its G-spotting end, which I thought looked too curved and pointy-headed to possibly be comfortable (let alone pleasurable), actually slides right into me and locates my spot immediately. It’s disarmingly good at homing in on where it’s supposed to go.

The other end, just a series of ripples, feels very nice too, but I already have a dildo that’s almost identical to this side, so I didn’t find it especially exciting. It’s just enough yummy texture to be good for warm-up, but it can’t provide the G-spot pressure I crave when I get into the higher stages of arousal.

For me, at least, glass is a perfect material for a G-spotting toy. It’s firm and unyielding, so it can really press hard, unlike Ella. It’s completely nonporous, so any lube you use on it (water- or silicone-based) is going to work like a charm and make it ultra-slippery. It’s easy to sanitize, via boiling, antibacterial soap and water, or a 10% bleach rubdown. Plus, glass is just beautiful in a way that other toys can’t replicate.

I was definitely tempted to try out this toy anally, but the fact is, it’s not made for that. It doesn’t have a flared base, and because it’s so slippery, it would be easy to get it lost up there. But when even my ass is lusting for something, you know it’s a pretty hot toy.

I still haven’t been able to have G-spot orgasms or squirt, but this is the toy that’s brought me closest. It cups my spot, presses hard, is easy to thrust… It’s a G-spotter’s wet dream. I’ve had a few clitoral orgasms while using the Amethyst to squeeze and tease my G-spot, and it adds an extra layer of intensity to the experience.

I’d definitely recommend the Amethyst to someone who, like me, sometimes has trouble locating their G-spot, and/or just wants to apply a decent amount of pressure to it. It’s a toy that’s easy to care for, does its job well, looks great, and leaves me satisfied.