Author: Kate Sloan

Top 10 Songs to Ironically Have Sex To

Kate Sloan

I’ll be the first to admit that my taste in music is somewhat dorky. Not all of it is cringeworthy, but it’s been enough to make my lovers lift their heads from between my thighs to say, “Why are we listening to this?” I can’t help it – I love a good, sexy jam. So I’ve collected my ten favorites here, in the hopes that I can introduce you to a track that’ll take your sex life from good to groooovaaaay.

1. Usher – Twork It Out. This song makes Usher sound like the world’s most epic lover, as these R&B slowjams tend to do. And of course, the song is interspersed with occasional female moans of ecstacy. Now that I’ve got you all soaking wet, I’ll bet you know what’s coming next… You.

2. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Eruption. Gotta love a good euphemism for orgasm. This, again, is a song that mostly consists of male sexual braggery… but it’s kinda hot. I’m gonna take my time; she gon’ get hers before I.

3. Marvin Gaye – Let’s Get It On. On a list like this, there’s no way to avoid this classic lovemakin’ anthem. It’s sweet and adoring and pleading and honest. There’s nothin’ wrong with me loving you – and giving yourself to me can never be wrong, if the love is true.

4. Maroon 5 – Secret. I remember reading in some gross teen magazine that Ashlee Simpson thinks of this as the world’s sexiest song. I can’t disagree – it’s about straight-up sexual desire, and has that kind of groove that makes you want to grind on someone. I know I don’t know you, but I want you so bad.

5. Rihanna ft. Drake – What’s My Name? This is a song about cunnilingus. It’s about a woman demanding that a man prove himself to her via his sexual prowess. And it makes me want to sit on a sub fella’s face. Hey boy, I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me… I need a boy to take it over, looking for a guy to put in work.

6. Daniel Bedingfield – Without the Girl. This song really has nothing to do with sex (unless you count the subtext of unrequited love, which is sexual frustration and masturbation), but it has that “I could fuck to this” sound, so it made the list. She is my sunshine, but her heart belongs to another man.

7. Christina Aguilera – Loving Me For Me. (I know, I know. Don’t hate me.) “Xtina” has other songs which are more sex-centric than this one, but it’s still this one that I used to jerk off to, before I discovered porn… because this is a song about a comfortable relationship that happens to include great sex, and that’s hot. Your lips, your eyes, your smile, your kiss, I must admit, it’s a part of me… You please me, completely, filling me, like a melody.

8. O-Town – Sexiest Woman Alive. Genuine compliments will always be sexy. And the ensuing confidence will always be sexy. Ladies, if you need a pre-sex “get-pumped” song to make you feel like a bombshell, this might be it. When you walk into a room, the first reaction’s “Ooh” – every guy around just wants to sweat ya.

9. Lovage – Sex (I’m A). Lovage’s one album is entitled “Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady By,” so that should give you some indication of what this music is for. And it does the trick. It also includes a weird middle section where a woman with an Eastern European accent explains why men have affairs. I’m a man, I’m a goddess, I’m a virgin, I’m a blue movie, I’m a bitch, I’m a geisha, I’m a little girl, and we’ll make love together.

10. Reverie Sound Revue – One Marathon. Another unrequited love song? Yeah, apparently they contain a lot of unspoken sexual tension, which I dig. This one is jazzy and goes down smooth. But I know you know, I must swear you hear me say, “No – our misses are not a plan.” So I miss you, and I run through you.

Review: Doc Johnson White Nights Super Bullet

Kate Sloan

When the folks at Sex Toys Canada offered to send me a bullet vibrator, I thought they meant something more like this – tiny, silver, cheap, one-speed. I was pleasantly surprised when, instead, I received the Doc Johnson White Nights Super Bullet, which is bigger than my hand, and as girthy as a rather gifted cock. It’s certainly a bullet, but not a run-of-the-mill one by any means.

The first thing that struck me about this toy, other than the unexpected size, is the material. The Super Bullet is made of ABS plastic, the same phthalate-free, silky-smooth material frequently used by Lelo. As a diehard Lelo fangirl, I found the choice in material very appealing, as it’s associated with luxury and pleasure in my mind. And, conveniently, ABS plastic is compatible with any kind of lube you choose to use with it, and can be cleaned with soap and water.

I encountered my first issue with the Super Bullet when I went to load the batteries. The battery compartment takes a few good shakes before it’ll slide out. The positive and negative indicators on the chamber are confusing, so I had to do some experimenting before I figured out the way the batteries need to be inserted (hint: the positive sides go where the springs are, despite what the little icons would have you believe). Line up the arrow sticker on the battery chamber with the arrow sticker inside the toy, slide it in, screw it on, and you’re good to go.

I believe my Super Bullet has a defect, which is that the on/off button doesn’t seem to do its job. It’s supposed to cycle through the toy’s three speeds and then turn the toy off when pressed a fourth time. However, no matter what I try, I cannot get it to do this. It went through the speeds when I first got it, but wouldn’t turn off. Now, it seems to be stuck on one of the speeds – I have no idea which – and I have to unscrew the battery end slightly to get it to turn off. Needless to say, this is a pretty annoying problem, but I’m told that it’s not normal for this toy.

That said, I can look past a vibrator’s flaws as long as it still vibrates, which this one luckily does. After all, even luxury sex toy company Jimmyjane has a toy, the Little Chroma, which has only one speed and needs to be unscrewed to be turned off – and this is marketed as beautiful simplicity. Having read that the Little Chroma’s intensity can be controlled by which part of the toy you apply to your body (with the motor, and therefore the highest level of vibration, being located in the tip), I decided to try out the same principle with the Super Bullet.

The trouble is, though, that the vibrations travel through the entire bullet. There doesn’t seem to be one particular part of the toy where the sensation is most intense. In fact, I can feel the vibrations in my hand as much as I can in my clit, regardless of placement or positioning. This leads to Numb Hand Syndrome eventually – not so fun.

The Super Bullet feels pretty good on my clit for a while, and it can almost bring me to orgasm, but not quite. I’m the type of girl who needs to bump up a vibe’s intensity as I approach climax, and with only one functioning speed, that’s hard to do. So clitorally, this toy has led to mostly frustration for me. (On the plus side, it is a fairly quiet vibe, so the only sounds to be heard from my bedroom were my groans of irritation.)

Vaginally, though, it feels damn grand. Indeed, when I told my boyfriend I was planning on trying out the Super Bullet internally, he said, “There’s no way that thing’ll fit inside you,” but with adequate warm-up and lube, it’s surprisingly easy to get it in – all five of its insertable inches. And once it’s in, it’s a wonderful complement to any clit play I do at the same time. Using my beloved Turbo Glider on my clit while the Super Bullet fills up my insides can lead to earthshattering orgasms, as my pussy muscles clench down on the thick, solid bullet. This also holds true when I use my boyfriend’s tongue instead of the Turbo Glider (if you’ve never had someone use a toy on you while going down on you, you are missing out on some seriously stellar orgasms!).

Overall, I’m not sure how I feel about my Super Bullet. It has more than its fair share of problems – controls defect, overly diffuse and not-quite-strong-enough vibrations, finicky battery chamber, and gets hot quickly – but it also has several features that I appreciate, like being waterproof, smooth, and the perfect size to entertain my pussy while I play with my clit. And there are some things about it that I’m utterly ambivalent about, like its removable wrist strap (do people drop sex toys so often that we need a strap to prevent this problem?). Overall, I think this toy would be a decent choice for a beginner wanting to test out vibrations for the first time, but a seasoned pro would risk frustration over the toy’s more problematic points.

Many thanks to the good people at Sex Toys Canada for sending me this toy to review! Your discreet shipping and marvelous customer service make me all smiley inside.

Ask Girly Juice: Dos and Don’ts of Lube

Kate Sloan

I volunteer regularly at a sex and relationships hotline. Many of the questions we get are repeats; a lot of people same to have the same worries and inquiries. One thing I’ve been asked on multiple occasions is, “Is it okay to use [insert substance here] as lube?” Since it’s perplexing that so many people don’t know what are and are not suitable lubricant choices, I decided to compile my knowledge on the subject here.

Lube and vaginas:

If you’re planning on having vaginal sex, avoid lubes which contain sugar and/or glycerin. These ingredients can cause nasty yeast infections because of the way they interact with the naturally occurring bacteria in a vagina. You can use flavored lube while going down on your lady, as long as you make sure that it’s free of sugar and glycerin.

This also means that you shouldn’t use chocolate, peanut butter, or any other sweet food or drink in your sexytimes if a vagina will be involved. I know it sounds sexy to dribble chocolate sauce all over your lover’s vulva and lick it off, but she won’t think it’s so sexy when she wakes up a couple days later with a raging case of the yeastie beasties.

It’s also not a great idea to use non-natural oils as lube for vaginal sex, because that kind of oil can trap bacteria in the vagina and cause infections as well. Lightweight, natural oils like coconut and grapeseed are fine, but stay away from heavier options like mineral oil/petroleum jelly. Many silicone-based lubes feel and behave like oil, so they might be a better option if you like that oily consistency.

Lube and condoms:

Condoms cannot be used with oil-based lubes (petroleum jelly, coconut oil, what have you) because oil causes the latex to disintegrate. It can be fun to watch this happen, but you know what’s not fun? Realizing that you might have been exposed to an STI or sperm because the condom dissolved.

Lube and anuses:

Many people prefer to choose a thicker, longer-lasting lube for their anal sex needs, because anuses don’t self-lubricate and so you’ll want something that can last the entire length of the sex act.

Make sure never to use “numbing” products that claim to make anal sex easier, because if you (or your partner) can’t feel the pain, you won’t know if and when you’re seriously injuring yourself.

Lube and toys:

If you’re not sure what material your sex toys are made of, now would be a good time to check. Some silicone toys are incompatible with some silicone-based lubes – the toy may become permanently sticky or tacky in the place where the lube touched it. If you’re not sure, do a spot test on the base of the toy and wait a few minutes to see if anything disastrous happens. In any case, water-based lube is probably a better choice for you if you use silicone toys a lot.

If a toy is made of glass, stainless steel, wood, or plastic, however, then have no fear – just about any kind of lube should work on these toy materials. But again, if ever in doubt, do a spot test.

My lube recommendations:

Water-based: Blossom Organics, a Canadian-made, female-oriented, aloe-heavy lube that’s very soothing and has a realistic texture.

Silicone-based: Pjur Bodyglide, a sexy, smooth lube that is my go-to choice for handjobs especially.

Oil-based: unrefined coconut oil, available at your local health food store. Can conveniently double as a moisturizer, hair conditioner, even deodorant.

If you have a sex-related question for me, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Menstrual Sex: It’s About Bloody Time!

Kate Sloan

I think the only time I’ve ever used the word “squicky” in real life was while telling my friend how my new boyfriend felt about menstrual sex. “It’s just weird for me, I guess,” I said, “because [my ex-girlfriend] was so okay with going down on me during that time of the month, and [the new boyf] is soooo not.”

It’s true – this was a tough adjustment for me. My ex had a vagina too, so she understood that menstruation isn’t such a big deal – but it wasn’t just that; she was a messy, reckless person in many ways, the type of girl to slather herself in paint and make breast prints on big pieces of watercolor paper. I think she was more inclined to “ride the crimson wave” because sexuality didn’t scare her, not even a little, not even the weird parts. My new boyfriend wasn’t like that, and his apprehension made me feel shitty about my lady-bits.

But then I rubbed off on him. Me and my relentless sex-positivity and vagina-lovin’. He must have absorbed some of my feminist unabashedness, because soon enough, his blood-related worries dissolved.

Here are some things that changed his mind, and that might change yours or your lover’s mind about period sex too:

1. Menstrual cups. Embarrassingly, I have a cup collection – two DivaCups, a Yuuki, a Lunette, and a Meluna. I just like to have a variety of color and size options – the average woman will only need one cup.

These things are great for a multitude of reasons that don’t have to do with sex – better for the environment, for the body, for the wallet (if you don’t collect them like me) – but they make sex easier too. While it is possible to have intercourse with a reusable cup in place, I don’t recommend it – I use them to facilitate oral sex instead. They keep the blood inside, so as not to freak out a partner, but they don’t dry up natural juices the way a tampon would if used in the same way. Worry-free cunnilingus, yum!

2. Menstrual sponges. I have some by Jade and Pearl – they are fairly cheap and easy to use. Truth be told, I am not a fan of sponges for everyday menstrual use – they’re not much better than tampons when it comes to body-safety and drying me out, and I find that they leak when I sneeze or laugh too hard. But! They work very well for period sex. (I’ve never used Softcups, but I hear they work just as well for this purpose.)

When inserted, sea sponges feel remarkably similar to the surrounding vaginal walls – soft, textured, and, uh, spongy. So you can tuck one up by your cervix and it’s very likely that neither you nor your partner will even be able to tell you’re on the rag. Just one word of warning: don’t go trying to pry out the sponge immediately after sex to empty it – during arousal, the cervix pulls up and back, taking any surrounding objects with it, so give it a few minutes or you might start panicking about not being able to get the damn sponge out.

3. Thick, dark towels. Really, these should be a part of everyone’s sex arsenal; if you don’t need towels at least once in a while, you’re doing it wrong, if I may say so. At the moment, I just use knockoff pashminas I don’t care about, but in the future, I’d like to upgrade to a Liberator Throe, a sex blanket that can absorb anything you squirt at it.

4. Mental preparedness. Yeah, menstruating vaginas taste a bit like iron. That taste doesn’t mean you’re getting blood in your mouth (necessarily), it just means you’re licking a healthy, normal vulva, so don’t fret.

Not everyone has to be okay with every sex act. I’m definitely not going to judge anyone who really feels that menstrual sex is not for them. But I want people to feel more equipped to have it if they want to… especially since orgasms are such a wonderful cure for cramps!

Review: I Rub My Duckie travel-size vibrator

Kate Sloan

Let me tell you the story of my very first sex toy.

Almost four and a half years ago, I was dumped by my first girlfriend. Despite the fact that our relationship only lasted five weeks, I was decently devastated.

Luckily, I had a new friend (soon-to-be-lover) who was sex-positive and cool and kind, and didn’t like seeing me sad – so she offered to take me to my first sex shop on the day of New Year’s Eve before we headed to our respective drunken parties. The idea sounded just cheery and fun enough to get me out of my miserable rut for a day. So we went.

Honestly, I have no idea how I managed to peruse the entire shop and still decide that the toy I wanted most was a rubber duckie vibrator. I’m assuming I chose it for reasons of discretion – youngsters shopping for sex toys for the first time will tend to go for something that their parents wouldn’t recognize as an implement of lust – but really, there’s no valid excuse. This toy is a joke.

In fact, the standard rubber duckie vibe must have done so poorly that I can’t even find it in most online toy retailers – I can find weird versions involving bondage, Paris, and even pirates, but not the plain one that I bought. I’m gonna guess this is because, if you have a toy that doesn’t work very well, you have to spice it up to get it to sell.

The I Rub My Duckie vibe has many downfalls, the most obvious of which is its shape. Upon showing it around to some friends at the aforementioned New Year’s Eve party, many of them asked the same question: “So, which part of it do you… use? The beak?” After rigorous testing, I discovered that the beak really isn’t ideal for clit contact at all – it’s hard, pointy, and awkward. Plus, who wants to feel like a duck is performing cunnilingus on you? Not me. (This is also why I never attempted to use the duck for internal stimulation – I just couldn’t stomach the thought of stuffing a duck’s head into my vagina. And it would hurt.) So most of the time, I used the tail of the duck on my clit, since that’s roughly where the motor is located anyway. Not that having a duck’s butt against your nether bits is much better than the oral sex scenario.

The other major problem with this vibrator is its controls. According to the internet, the duck now has three speeds which you can cycle through by pressing a button; this is not the way my duck operated. There was a tiny dial on the bottom, too small for even my eager adolescent fingers to properly manage, which you had to rotate to turn up the power. As someone who likes to slowly increase vibration throughout a session, I was not pleased with this system. I ended up using tweezers to work the dial, because it was just too small and tricky for my non-tweezer-sized digits.

Researching this review has led me to the discovery that, on top of its other issues, the I Rub My Duckie is made of latex, which may contain phthalates (potentially carcinogenic toxins). Fantastic. On the plus side, this toy is compatible with both water- and silicone-based lubes.

I can’t be entirely cruel to this duckie. There are a few good things about it. It’s powerful enough to get me off, and it did, on a multitude of occasions (though that may have been because, back then, it was my only vibrating option, whereas now, I have, you know, Lelos). It’s waterproof, which is fun because you could just keep it in your bath all the time and pretend it was a real rubber duck if you wanted. It’s a good size for travel (about 3″x3″), if you can evade questions from airport security about why you’ve got a rubber duck in your carry-on, you naughty thing. And it’s not too loud, so no one’s going to overhear your bath and think you’re having a little too much fun.

You may have noticed that much of this review is written in the past tense. That’s because, a few weeks ago, while doing a massive bedroom cleaning, I decided to get rid of my formerly beloved duckie. That should give you an indication of just how bad this toy is – I am the type of person who keeps things for purely sentimental reasons, and I couldn’t bring myself to keep my first sex toy. Not even just to look into its cute little eyes or hang out with it in the bath.