Author: Kate Sloan

How to Fuck Someone Like a Sex Doll (for Kinky Purposes)

Kate Sloan
I may not be a literal doll, but you can still keep me in the closet 😉

I adore the euphoric altered states that kink can produce, and one of my favorites in recent years is “doll-space,” the feeling I get when I pretend to be a sex doll. It’s a hot fantasy, being “used” by a partner who is (at least in-universe) wholly focused on their own pleasure. I also find it psychologically relaxing, since there’s no pressure for a doll to do anything or achieve anything, other than getting fucked!

If you’re intrigued by this type of play, here are a few quick tips for tops that I’ve gleaned from my experiences as a bottom…

Negotiate limits, safewords & safe-signals

Sex doll roleplay is essentially a form of consensual non-consent (CNC), in that you are ostensibly “doing whatever you want” to your partner. For many people, tops and bottoms alike, that freedom is what makes this fantasy hot – but to do that type of play safely, you need to pre-negotiate which sex/kink acts are allowed, and which are off-limits. You’ll also want to agree on a safeword that either person can say if they want the scene to end immediately. If you’ll be doing any play where someone may not be able to speak (e.g. using a ballgag, doing breathplay), then you should have a safe-signal as well, i.e. a non-verbal safeword, such as double-tapping on someone’s thigh or shaking your head “no.”

Loudly appreciate their body

Your doll is gorgeous, so act like it! Objectification kink can bring insecurities to the fore, especially since sex dolls and other such objects are often largely appreciated for their looks! Make sure to be vocally appreciative of your partner’s body during and after this type of play, so they know that even if they don’t look like a skinny sex doll or curvy supermodel, you still find ’em hot (and want to fuck ’em silly)!

Manhandle (or womanhandle or enbyhandle…) them

If your partner is cool with it – and if you are physically capable of it – it can really enhance sex doll roleplays to move your partner around the way you’d move a sex doll. Like maybe be a little rougher or brusquer than you’d normally be… or maybe shove them face-first into a pillow before fucking them (provided they can still breathe)… and maybe you growl while you do it… Uhh, yeah, this is definitely one of my kinks, huh 😂

Vocally enjoy your pleasure

A lot of people learn to silence their moans, so it can be tricky to re-learn to express yourself during sex, but I think it’s worth doing, especially for this type of play! More than likely, your partner finds your pleasure super hot, so the more effusive you can be about it during (and after) sex, the more you’ll both enjoy yourselves.

Leave time for aftercare

Aftercare is a must when doing psychologically intense play like this! Do whatever helps you both float back to earth together: you could cuddle, eat snacks, drink water, watch something funny on TV, talk about the scene you just did, listen to gentle music together, or anything else that feels right. Make sure your “sex doll” knows you see them as a whole person again, and not just a fuckable piece of rubber, hot as that idea may be to both of you!

Have you ever done this type of roleplay? Feel free to let me know in the comments!

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Chalovelo Thrum rabbit vibe

Kate Sloan

I’m doing a weird thing today and reviewing a vibrator I’ve already reviewed, at the request of the company who sells it. But you know what? Maybe I’ll feel differently about it this time around. Me and my vagina have aged nearly a whole year since that last review, after all!

What is the Chalovelo Thrum?

The Thrum is a rabbit vibrator, i.e. it provides vaginal and clitoral stimulation simultaneously. The external arm is fairly standard – it just vibrates – whereas the internal arm vibrates, massages the G-spot area with textured beads that swell in and out on the shaft, and mechanically strokes the A-spot with its gently upturned tip. It’s an ambitious multitasker, that’s for sure!

The Thrum currently retails for about $60. It’s a rechargeable vibe made of silicone and ABS plastic, and is IPX6 water-resistant, meaning you can wash it in the sink or use it in the shower, but shouldn’t submerge it in water.

Things I like about the Chalovelo Thrum:

  • Excellent A-spot stimulation: Man oh man does my A-spot ever like this toy. The tip of the Thrum’s shaft – which is shaped vaguely like the head of a cock, complete with mild coronal ridge – moves up and down in a stroking motion, like a partner’s fingers can. There are 3 steady speeds followed by patterns, some of which are rhythmically consistent and some of which are more frustratingly off-kilter.
  • Individually controllable arms: As ever, I appreciate that you can control the external arm and the internal arm separately from one another, and can even use one while the other is turned off. My G-spot and A-spot may want a different intensity of sensation from my clit at various points in the arousal process, so it’s good to be able to control these components individually.
  • Clit arm shape: The external arm of this toy kinda looks like a dolphin balancing a ball on its nose. At first glance, it may seem odd, but it’s surprisingly versatile – depending on how I position it, I can get broader stimulation with the thickest part of the shaft, or more pinpointed stimulation from the tip. My desires in this regard might change throughout a session, so it’s nice to have options.
  • Clit arm flexibility: I truly think the (much pricier) We-Vibe Nova 2 revolutionized the rabbit-vibe category, by making its clitoral arm very flexible, so that you don’t lose clitoral contact if you thrust the toy in and out during use. Lots of other sex toy companies have taken cues from We-Vibe in this area and are making rabbits with bendy clit arms now – and it works really well here, giving me leeway to thrust the toy if I want to, and even to position the clit arm higher on my clitoral hood or lower on the tip of my clit depending on my mood.
  • Price: $60 isn’t bad for a body-safe, rechargeable rabbit vibe.

Things I don’t like about the Chalovelo Thrum:

  • Buzzy clit vibes: The external arm is a make-or-break aspect of a rabbit vibe, because most vulva-owners get off primarily (or exclusively) from clit stimulation. As such, I wish this toy’s clitoral vibrations were rumblier and stronger. As-is, their intensity is middling, and their buzzy timbre prevents me from being able to reach orgasm with this toy because my clit gets a little desensitized and disengaged after a few minutes.
  • Only 3 steady speeds: Both the internal and the external arm of the Thrum have 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns. I’m not a big patterns person and would prefer more basic speeds to choose from. There’s not much variation between the speeds, either, and the amount of patterns feels like an attempt to compensate for the lackluster motor.
  • Short battery life: Up to 50 minutes of use after a 2.5-hour charging time… ain’t great.
  • Loud: The mechanical whirr of this toy would definitely be audible by someone in the same room as you, and might even be audible through a closed door in some cases.
  • Linty: Whatever silicone formulation its makers picked for this toy, it’s wildly prone to picking up lint, dust, hairs, etc., so you may want to give the toy a quick rinse before each use.
  • Both modes are on by default: This wouldn’t bug everybody, but it bugged me – as soon as you turn on the toy, both arms turn on (as opposed to having a ‘standby’ mode from which you can choose which functions to turn on), and the sensation can be pretty jarring, especially if the toy is already inside you at that point. At one point this made me shout “Whoa! Jesus Christ!” so loud that my wife heard me through a wall.

Final thoughts

I wish Chalovelo made a version of the Thrum that was just the A-spot-stroking portion, because I loved that part of the toy! I kept thinking about how hard I would be able to come if I could just pair that stroking with a clitoral vibe that is actually rumbly, strong, and has more than 3 steady speeds, because unfortunately, the Thrum‘s clit arm just doesn’t do the trick for me.

I still think it’s a nifty rabbit vibe, though, with functions I’ve rarely seen elsewhere. The way the textured beads on the shaft massage my vaginal walls is cool, and the clit arm’s offbeat shape makes it versatile. I just wish they’d blessed this toy with a better, rumblier motor, and ideally a longer battery life. But for $60, the Thrum is a decent rabbit at a decent price – and it’s hard to hate a vibrator that looks like a dolphin doing a trick.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions on my own.

Behind the Seams: Pinks & Reds for Polycule Parties

Kate Sloan

December 28th, 2025

I flew back to New York from Toronto the day before this, and usually air travel is pretty draining for my chronically ill bod, but fortunately I had enough energy to go out to Raaaatscraps! My wife and I had also just watched an amazing video about beef wellington that inspired her to seek out a great wellington at a restaurant, so that’s what we had for dinner before the show. A cute date night!

What I’m wearing:

  • Pink cashmere sweater – had just received as a Christmas gift from my mama 💖
  • Black pants – ditto
  • Black T-shirt with Apple logo (unseen) – gift from my wife
  • Pink leather Doc Martens
  • Silver hoop earrings
  • Coach Rambler bag

December 30th, 2025

My lovely wife mb was celebrating a birthday, and asked that everybody dress monochromatically for her party. I considered wearing all blue or all pink, but ultimately red won out! The party took place in the “red room” at Singers, so I matched the decor. 💅 Such a fun night hanging out with cool folks! Happy birthday, mb!

What I’m wearing:

  • Red velvet dress – H&M like a decade ago
  • Red cropped cardigan – Amazon
  • Red thigh-high socks – Los Angeles Apparel
  • Red cowboy boots – a hand-me-down from my high school girlfriend’s mom back in ~2008
  • Red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
  • Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade
  • Red heart-shaped hair clip – a store somewhere in Toronto’s Chinatown East, like 20 years ago(!!)
  • Red lipstick and red eyeshadow!

December 31st, 2025

Wore this to a New Year’s Eve party! Thanks to Twig, Carly, & Tom for once again hosting; I’ve been to their parties for several years running and always have a good time.

What I’m wearing:

  • Black & silver body-con dress – vintage American Apparel, bought on eBay
  • Black tights
  • Black sequinned Uggs
  • Vintage black leather Coach Willis bag
  • Red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
  • Apple Watch
  • Silver hoop earrings

January 2nd, 2026

Not the most exciting day – I just went out for coffee, cranked out three blog posts, and then watched a really good rom-com. But this denim jumpsuit makes me feel gay and hot on even the most humdrum of days.

What I’m wearing:

  • Short-sleeved denim jumpsuit – Aritzia; still wish I’d bought the black one too 😭
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Black knit toque w/ blue ghost appliqué – Vaultboy merch (his latest EP is wonderful, especially this song)
  • Navy knit cowl – Yokoo (cannot recommend their knitwear highly enough; this beautifully voluminous scarf has been getting me through this bitter winter, and incidentally works well as a makeshift pillow on uncomfortable chairs!)
  • Black wool peacoat – thrifted in 2007
  • Apple Watch
  • Prescription sunglasses – Zenni

January 10th, 2026

Wore this out to a little drinks get-together with my polycule. Had some great cocktails and funny conversations with a buncha cuties! (And yes, I did also cry on my metamour while making out with him, but that’s neither here nor there…)

What I’m wearing:

  • Navy skater dress – American Apparel
  • Black tights
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Silver hoop earrings
  • Teal leather collar – Tiffany’s, a gift from my love
  • Apple Watch

January 14th, 2026

Wore this to attend an improv show with my wife that featured Aaron Jackson, Josh Sharp, and Jeff Hiller, all of whom are hilarious beyond reason. It ended up being kind of dramatic because there was a subway train shutdown right before the show and Jeff was on that specific train, along with several audience members – so the show started half an hour late, and Jeff ran onstage triumphantly to thunderous applause when they finally arrived after their ordeal. The ensuing set was manic in the best way!

What I’m wearing:

  • Turquoise long-sleeved shirt – gift from my mom
  • Black pants – ditto
  • Blue metallic Doc Martens – bought in high school
  • Silver hoop earrings
  • Apple Watch
  • Vintage black leather Coach Willis bag

January 18th, 2026

Another Raaaatscraps night! You know it’s a really good improv show when you’ll willingly trek over there in bitterly cold weather just to laugh the night away. This particular show is always worth the journey!

What I’m wearing:

  • Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
  • Black pants – gift from my mom
  • Pink leather Doc Martens
  • Red knit cowl – a now-defunct Etsy shop

January 20th, 2026

Kind of a chaotic/mismatched outfit, vibes-wise, but sometimes that’s fun. I wore this out to dinner at Gage & Tollner with my wife.

What I’m wearing:

  • Red plaid flannel shirt – Old Navy
  • “Fucking Fascists” T-shirt with rainbow logo – not sure, possibly a gift from mb?
  • Red pencil skirt – American Apparel
  • Black tights
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Vintage black leather Coach Willis bag
  • Black prescription sunglasses

January 22nd, 2026

Wore this to a Poetry is Gay reading, at which my stunning wife performed some poems. Always so much fun to listen to beautiful queers reciting their beautiful words! The theme of the evening was “melt the ice,” so I dressed in a springy manner to hopefully hasten along warmer weather (and fewer federal goons on the streets of Minneapolis and elsewhere). 🤞

What I’m wearing:

  • Floral-print T-shirt – American Apparel
  • Red pencil skirt – American Apparel
  • Black cashmere sweater – Gap
  • Black tights
  • Red cowboy boots – hand-me-down
  • Orange & red beaded earrings – bought in Mexico many years ago

January 23rd, 2026

And here’s one silly loungewear outfit, for good measure… I wore this to lie around the house reading my press galley copy of Rosa Campbell’s forthcoming book about the sex researcher Shere Hite. It’s an absolutely fascinating book; big recommend for anyone who’s interested in the intersections of feminism and sexuality, which I’d imagine is most of you reading this blog!

What I’m wearing:

  • Pink cropped T-shirt – Gap
  • Pink sweatpants – Gap
  • Pink knit toque – gift from my mom
  • White socks covered in rainbow hearts – Gap

7 Things I’ve Done That Unexpectedly Improved My Body Image

Kate Sloan

Feeling good about your body is a lifelong journey. Healing from systemic fatphobia, ableism, etc. is like healing from anything else: it’s not linear, and you might have backslides sometimes – but it’s exhilarating to notice an overall upward trend in how you feel about your body, even if it takes years, or decades.

Aside from more obvious things like reading the work of body-positive thinkers, getting rid of my scale, and swearing off commenting on anyone else’s body, there are 7 things I’ve done for my body image that helped more than I ever imagined they would… Here they are, incase they inspire anybody else to foster more body-positivity in themselves!

Got a bunch of tattoos

I have 7 tattoos, and each of them have pretty drastically changed my view of my body for the better. I’ve always admired the aesthetic of tattoos, so getting them has made me look more like the types of people I find hot – and it’s also hard not to love my body now that it’s got beautiful, bespoke works of art all over it! (Some people would disagree, but those people are wrong, and also, who cares what they think?!)

When I was younger, I used to dread the moment clothing would come off during sex with a new person, because I worried they’d judge my body harshly. But ever since getting my tattoos – especially the pink “good girl” bows on the backs of my thighs – I sometimes even look forward to that moment, because people are often delighted to discover the tattoos hidden under my clothes!

Dated people who fetishize the body parts I’m insecure about

They say you gotta love yourself before you can love anybody else, and maybe that’s true – but I know that I largely learned to love my ass by dating butt enthusiasts! I’ve never had huge boobs or any other particularly remarkable bodily features (at least in my view), but apparently my ass is notable enough that more than one devout butt appreciator wanted to date me. So that’s pretty cool. Helps a lot when they bury their face in it like a starving person at a pie-eating contest, too…!

Appreciated the things my body can do

Positive re-frame alert! I might not look like a runway model, but I can still strut down the street in a cool outfit. I may not have a big booty, but I can still dance to Sir Mix-A-Lot. I’m no hyper-athletic porn star or BBW sex doll, but I can still get fucked like a champ. Every human body is a miracle, whether or not it’s considered conventionally hot.

Took improv classes/performed in improv shows

On the note of appreciating what my body can do: it can make up scenes and songs on the spot, apparently, which is pretty fuckin’ impressive no matter what I happen to look like! (The brain is technically part of the body, after all… and without a body, none of my brain’s ideas could be expressed on stage or anywhere else!) It’s also nice to spend time in a community where someone’s dress size doesn’t matter anywhere near as much as their ability to crack jokes and roll with the punches.

Further: when I’m on stage, I barely think about my body. I don’t think about my aches and pains or my butt cellulite; there just isn’t enough spare time or mental energy for that shit. Improv’s fuckin’ meditative, dude. Big recommend!

Got a great body lotion

Simple yet effective: Get yourself a luscious moisturizer with a scent that makes your heart happy (or unscented if you prefer, dear chemically sensitive babes), and apply it liberally when you’re fresh out of the shower. This helps lock in moisture better, and also makes your regular workaday shower feel like a self-care ritual. I’ve been digging the “Vanilla Cashmere” lotion by EOS, which makes me smell like a slutty cupcake (ideal, obviously).

Invested in cuter loungewear

It’s hard to feel stoked about your body when you’re wearing a decade-old faded band T-shirt and baggy threadbare pajama pants. (I mean, for me it certainly would be. I don’t know your life!) Since I’m chronically ill, I spend a lot of my waking hours in PJs or loungewear, so I keep a perpetual eye out for pieces that are both comfy and cute, and wearing them makes a big difference in my day-to-day self-esteem.

Did psychedelics

Now, to be fair, some people find these more anxiety-provoking than soul-healing… but for me, during the half-dozen shrooms trips I’ve done, I’ve basically forgotten my body existed for the duration of the day. And I mean that in the most positive sense. Sometimes I would put on a kids’ movie from my youth, like A Bug’s Life or The Aristocats, and take extensive notes on the life lessons that seemed to leap out at me. I would get so absorbed in this task, and the ensuing self-reflection, that I totally forgot to worry about my body’s imperfections – all I could think about was the beautiful vastness of the universe, and my tiny-but-important role in it. Drugs rule, man.

 

Dear readers, have any of these strategies helped you love your body more? What else has worked well for you? Feel free to let me know in the comments!

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Vibrator Too Strong? Here’s 10 Things You Can Try…

Kate Sloan
Here’s a Magic Wand-shaped candle (my life is weird) plus some tiny dildos

I get all kinds of interesting reactions from people when they find out I’m a professional sex toy reviewer, from “Yes girl yes, you’re doing the lord’s work!” to “Aren’t you worried you’ll permanently deaden your clit with those things?!” (Uh… no. No I am not.)

Some of these reactions make me smile and some just make me angry – but there’s one that makes me a little sad. I’ve seen it dozens of times: their face will fall when they hear me mention vibrators, and they’ll lean in conspiratorially and confess: “Those have never worked for me. Every time I’ve tried one, it’s felt too strong and overwhelming. Maybe I’m just not the type of person who can use a vibrator.”

Depending on my mood, and on how resolute they seem, sometimes I’ll just shrug and say, “That’s okay! They’re not for everyone!” But there are times when I want to provide some actionable advice, particularly if the person expresses regret for having spent a pretty penny on a vibrator that’s now gathering dust in a drawer somewhere. I want them to get their money’s worth – and I want everyone to have access to as much pleasure as they desire – so I will sometimes convey the following tips for dealing with a seemingly overpowered vibrator…

1. Get very turned on first

If you’re usually an “analog” masturbator, maybe you typically jump straight to your genitals without much warm-up – but that doesn’t always work so well with a vibrator. It can feel jarring, uncomfortable, or even painful to apply a super-strong vibe to unaroused bits. Take the time to turn yourself on with fantasy, porn, erotica, your hand, having a partner talk dirty to you, or whatever else consistently works. If you own another, weaker vibrator, you could even start a session with that before moving on to the “big guns.”

2. …& stay turned on throughout, if possible

Easier said than done for some of us, I know – but I’ve definitely found that vibrators can feel weird if my mind wanders too much from the task at hand while I’m jerking off. I might need to set the vibe down for a few minutes while I get myself turned on again, especially if my brain is feeling particularly anxious or distractible that day due to work stress or other factors.

3. Try it through clothes/layers

These days I rarely apply a wand vibe directly to my junk; typically I keep my underwear on, at minimum, and sometimes my pants too. That’s one of the beautiful things about ultra-strong vibrators: they can still be felt through layers, making them ideal for lazy masturbators or people with energy limitations, mobility issues, etc. that make it tricky to take off one’s clothes. You could also try using your vibrator through a blanket/duvet while you’re in bed, as long as doing so doesn’t make it overheat.

4. Experiment with placement

Strong vibrations can conduct through your flesh/skin/muscle, so you don’t have to apply the toy directly to your most sensitive spot – you can hold it adjacent to that area, to reduce the intensity while still getting some stimulation. For instance, I’ll often start by holding a vibe on my outer labia for a while, before moving it gradually closer and closer to my clit.

5. Try different angles

Depending on your vibrator’s shape, you might find that tilting it slightly can produce a different sensation. For example, I usually use my Magic Wand on an angle, so the corner of the head is pressed against my clit. This conducts the vibration into a smaller shape, so it doesn’t feel quite so overpowered.

6. Take breaks

No one said you have to leave the vibrator on for the whole session! Sometimes I’ll set mine down for a minute or two and just touch myself with my hands for a bit, or even just take a beat to catch my breath here and there. Even a 5- or 10-second break can help your nerve endings “reset” somewhat, so that what follows will feel even better.

7. Get an attachment

If your vibrator is a standard-sized wand, you can get an attachment for it, like the Vixen Gee Whizzard. These help to focus the vibration into a more pinpointed shape, and also soften the vibration somewhat. While many such attachments are designed to stimulate the G-spot or prostate, you don’t have to insert them – they can feel good on a clit or a dick as well.

8. Kinkify the discomfort

The overwhelming feeling of using a strong vibrator isn’t inherently a bad thing – for some people, it’s hot! You might find it easier to endure these types of sensations if a hot pervert has instructed you to do so… or even if you just imagine that’s the case. Sometimes it’s fun to have an orgasm that feels a little scary!

9. Try it underwater, if possible

Provided that your vibrator is waterproof (check its instruction manual), you might find that using it in the bath softens the vibrations somewhat. Sometimes I even like to hold a strong vibrator an inch or two away from my clit, to enjoy how it makes the water vibrate, thereby stimulating me indirectly. Physics are cool!

10. Use it for muscle massage, or on someone else

Even if a vibrator isn’t your genitals’ cup of tea, other parts of your body might enjoy it – maybe your tense neck and shoulders after an arduous work day, for instance, or the soles of your feet after a long walk. You could also use the vibrator on a partner, if they’re into that – or sanitize it and give it away to a friend who’s excited to inherit it. How magnanimous of you!

 

What other strategies have worked for you when a vibrator feels too strong?