Author: Kate Sloan

Lusting for Lovecore: Matching My Outfits to My Favorite Uberrime Dildo!

Kate Sloan

I love sex toys, I love fashion, and I especially love opportunities to blend those two interests together. So I’m sure you can understand why I was so excited when indie sex toy company Uberrime reached out recently to ask if I’d like to write a post about…

…how custom toys can feel like an expression/extension of self? You have such a consistent and memorable collection of go-to colors in both your business branding and personal fashion, I figured if anyone would want a toy to “match,” it might be you!

Needless to say, I replied with an enthusiastic YES!

I’m a massive fan of Uberrime’s Night King dildo (here’s my review from 2019 if you’d like to read it), because its length, shape, and coronal ridge make it an absolute powerhouse for A-spot stimulation. The brand sweetly offered me a brand-new, custom-made Night King, in the colors of my choice, to highlight the extreme customizability offered on Uberrime’s site. Color isn’t the only thing you get to customize, either: you can also select your preferred firmness for your new toy, and decide whether you want a port in the base for a bullet vibrator or a Vac-U-Lock device. Gotta love a bespoke dong!

Choosing dildo colors can be a challenge for an indecisive femme comme moi, but in this case, I knew exactly what I wanted: red and pink. In other words, I wanted a “lovecore” Night King. I love these colors, but perhaps even more importantly for this post, I have a lot of clothing in these colors!

I started putting together outfits in my head before my new Night King even arrived on my doorstep – and when it did, it was so stunning in-person that I was even more excited to style it up. Ready to see the dildo-inspired ensembles I came up with?

Lounging in bed

When my friend Billy and I interviewed the kink writer Tina Horn on our podcast back in June, she said,

Part of the reason that I know I’m not femme is that I’ve learned so much about what ‘femme’ is to femmes… One of the defining things that I hear over and over again from femmes is that they’re femme when no one’s watching, or their resting state is femme, or they put on lipstick for themselves… You can put on lipstick for yourself, not because you’re brainwashed by the patriarchy!

While there are many valid definitions of femmeness, this one (among others) resonates with me – because not only do I frequently wear lipstick while alone, but I also frequently put together little loungewear ‘outfits’ that serve the sole purpose of making me feel cute while staying comfy. It’s an important outlet for my femme inclinations, especially since – what with being a chronically ill freelancer – I spend way more time in and around my bed than I do in most other places!

This is exactly the type of outfit I’d wear for a leisurely masturbation session on a Saturday afternoon, or even for a toy testing session during the week. Comfort is paramount when I’m hoping to get turned on, and this look takes that into account. (I’ve paired the Night King with a pink We-Vibe Tango X, because I – like most people with my anatomy – find dildos most pleasurable and effective when there’s some clit stimulation going on.)

What I’m wearing:
• Dark red modal slip dress – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Pink and red heart-print acrylic cardigan – Unique Vintage
• Bare feet

Party bimbo

Been a minute since I went to a kink conference or play party (’cause, y’know, pandemic + fibromyalgia), but I think this would be the ideal outfit to wear to something like a hypno munch or an intelligence-play workshop. Love a bimbo moment!

The lovecore Night King doesn’t exaaaactly fit inside my tiny heart-shaped purse, but that’s kind of part of the look, if you ask me…

What I’m wearing:
• Pink ribbed cropped tank top – Forever 21
• Pink and red heart-print velour trackpants – an Etsy shop that has since gone out of business
• Neon pink striped beanie – another Etsy shop that has since gone out of business!
• Raspberry pink leather heart earrings – Unicorn Collaborators
• Pink/red/orange custom Nike Air Force 1 sneakers
• Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade

Soft butch

One for the androgyny-enjoyers! (I count myself among your ranks…)

It’s been interesting observing the way that fluctuations in my chronic illness symptoms can influence my gender presentation. Sometimes a high-pain day will lead me to dress masc like this, because this type of outfit is more utilitarian and easier to throw together.

Occasionally my pain makes me feel so disconnected from my body that I only want to top, and not bottom, during sex – meaning that I want to do stuff to a partner, but don’t want to receive touch/pleasure directly myself, because keeping my awareness on my own body feels icky and depressing at those times. This is an outfit I might wear at a play party if I was in that type of mood, since it suggests the sex acts I am and am not up for, and gives me some soft-butch swagger that feels good when I’m in Top Mode.

What I’m wearing:
• Long-sleeved black shirt – gift from my mama
• High-waisted straight-leg jeans – Everlane
• Hot pink Doc Martens
• Aslan Leather Nicki Jaguar harness with Uberrime Night King dildo (read my review of this harness here – it’s been my fave for many years!)

Sex writer extraordinaire

Pre-pandemic, I used to write in cafés almost every day. I would tuck my laptop into a tote, throw on an energizing outfit, and then go hole up in the corner of a coffee shop to sip a latte and nibble a muffin while writing about dicks, dates, ‘n’ doms. I miss it! (I still do it once in a while, but definitely not as often.)

This would have been a perfect ensemble to wear while writing a blog post in public – say, a review of my lovecore Night King! I would toss the dildo into my bag before leaving the house, incase I needed to check its measurements or firmness, etc. while writing – surreptitiously and out of view of other patrons, of course!

What I’m wearing:
• “Run the Fuck” T-shirt – the Museum of Sex gift shop (the quote is a Betty Dodson-ism)
• Red pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Pink leather satchel – Kate Spade (this was the first expensive/fancy bag I ever bought for myself, waaay back when I was like 22, and I still adore it)
• Red heart-shaped prescription glasses – Zenni
• Lovecore Night King + limited-edition “cherry blossom” Lamy Safari rollerball pen (gift from my spouse) + pink legal pad (gift from my brother)

Bonus outfit: Actual sex

I mean, it is a sex toy, after all…!

To tell you the truth, the Uberrime Night King has long been my spouse’s go-to dildo when she fucks me with a strap-on. As mentioned, it hits my A-spot with aplomb. You usually lose up to an inch of useable dildo length when you wear one in a harness, because of the thickness of the harness itself, but the Night King’s 8″ insertable length means it can still easily hit my A-spot even when strapped on. I chose the 12A/medium shore for this Night King, and I’m glad I did, because that firmness makes it feel incredible pounding into my spot again and again. (It helps a lot that my spouse’s strap game is top-notch, of course…)

The most recent time that my partner came to visit me, she had brought her harness, and we decided to try out my new Night King… and once she slid it into her harness and lubed it up, I was so struck by how hot it looked with her outfit that I asked if I could snap a photo for this post. Luckily for me (and for all of you!!), she obliged. And then, naturally, we had excellent strap-on sex 🤤

So, here is a very real-life example of how sex toy aesthetics can amp up excitement and arousal. Red is my spouse’s signature color, and one that looks exceptionally good on her, whether in the form of a lipstick, a mesh tank top, or (yes) a custom-made dildo – and I love that this dildo can easily be incorporated into both of our aesthetics, even though our styles are pretty different from each other!

What she’s wearing:
• Red mesh tank top – a fetishwear shop in Berlin called Schwarzer Reiter
• RodeoH briefs harness
• Uberrime Night King dildo, of course 😍

If this post has got you curious about matching your outfit to your dildo – or matching your dildo to your outfit! – then why not check out the Night King and the rest of Uberrime’s catalog, and pick the color(s) that make(s) your heart sing? Life’s too short for ugly toys in depressing shades; I want my toys to be bright and beautiful works of art, and Uberrime makes some of the prettiest silicone dildos I’ve ever seen. Pretty enough, even, to be a crucial component of some of my high-femme outfits. 💖

 

This post was sponsored by Uberrime, who I really, truly adore. As always, all writing and opinions (and outfits, except for my spouse’s!) are my own.

Review: Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator (& some thoughts on clit vibe design)

Kate Sloan

It’s often been said that the clitoris is like an iceberg: the part that’s visible is practically minuscule, compared to what’s not visible. To pleasure a clit in its entirety requires that you go beyond just the parts you can see.

Likewise, I think the sex toy industry has barely scratched the surface of what’s possible when it comes to clitoral stimulation. Yes, there are a variety of shapes to be found in the clit-toy category,  and sometimes you’ll even see something super imaginative, like a wheel of silicone tongues or a tongue-like rolling ball. But the vast majority of clitoral toys vibrate (or oscillate, etc.) or they use air pressure waves – and the vast majority of these are focused on the tip (glans) of the clit.

Some 3D-printed models of the entire clitoris

You can imagine, I’m sure, that in a world where the only penis toys on the market stimulated the head of a dick exclusively, there would pretty quickly be demand for something that produces a, shall we say, deeper sensation. And for the same reason, I think way more sex toy companies should be considering the often-ignored parts of the clitoris in their toy designs: not just the clitoral shaft, but also the internal crura and vestibular bulbs that round out the clitoral nerve network.

To that end, I’m always thrilled to see new double-pronged clitoral vibes – like the Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator, which I’m reviewing today. Several companies have attempted a design like this, and now Funzze’s taken a swing at it too. Let’s discuss…

What is the Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator and how can it stimulate a clit differently from most vibes?

Funzze says that the dual-pronged side of this toy is meant to evoke “bunny ears” while the other end is a “bunny tail,” but if you ask me, this thing looks more like one of those comedy rubber chickens. In any case, the bunny-tail side is intended for clitoral or G-spot stimulation, while the bunny ears can lay on either side of a clit (or a nipple, or what have you).

And therein lies this toy’s aptness for internal clit stimulation: it applies vibration to the sides of the clitoral shaft, and (indirectly) to the vestibular bulbs of the clitoris. For me at least, this is a very different sensation from direct clitoral glans stimulation, and I strongly prefer this more indirect approach, because it helps me avoid overstimulation. The pleasure also just feels more full-bodied overall, because more of my clit is being stimulated. (By the way, you can totally hold a regular vibrator against these areas – such as a bullet or a wand – to feel a similar sensation, and indeed, I think this is a big reason wand vibes are so popular: they stimulate the clit more deeply and diffusely than smaller, weaker vibes do.)

Another thing I love about dual-pronged vibrators: usually I can sort of snuggle my clit up into the curve where the two prongs converge, which provides some stimulation on the top of my clitoral shaft as well. With this toy, I can squeeze/pinch my clit between the two flexible silicone arms, roll it back and forth, slide them up and down, etc. Experimenting this way during my testing sessions was fun, because it truly is rare for a clitoral toy to surprise me with how it feels, now that I’ve tried so many of them.

Other things I like about the Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator

  • There are three motors in this toy! The vibrations are concentrated into the tips of the ‘tail’ and each ‘ear,’ which makes this vibe great for teasing pinpointed spots – not just the clit but also the nipples, balls, perineum, labia, etc. As described, the bunny ears are nice for clitoral shaft/bulb stimulation, while the tail can apply more direct stimulation wherever you like (except for in your butt, because this toy is not anal-safe).
  • The controls are easy to learn and use: each end of the toy has its own button, which you hold down to turn on or off, and short-press to cycle through settings. I didn’t even have to look at the toy to control it after a while.
  • When it comes to double-ended toys, usually I wish I could flip back and forth easily between the two ends, depending on what sensation I’m looking for at any given moment – but this often gets messy after a while, as lube and bodily fluids get everywhere. This toy actually solves that problem, though, because its “handle” is the middle section, which (in my experience) stays relatively dry during use, so you can switch back and forth between the ears and tail any time you want without losing your grip on the toy.
  • The silicone bunny ears are very flexible, meaning that they’d be able to flank a broad range of clit sizes comfortably. I also found that they stayed in place pretty well if I spread my outer labia while arranging the bunny ears around my clit.
  • It’s decently quiet, and wouldn’t generally be audible through a closed door.
Pencil for scale (and also because I was taking notes for this review!)

Things I don’t like about the Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator

  • Unfortunately, this toy suffers from the most common ‘fatal flaw’ a vibrator can have: its motor is just way too buzzy, and not strong enough. I can enjoy the uniquely enveloping stimulation of the bunny ears for a few minutes, but then my sensitivity gets significantly lessened by the high-pitched vibrations and it’s hard to feel pleasure or reach orgasm. Bummer, dude.
  • Each end of the toy has 10 settings you can cycle through, but there’s not much discernible variation between them, and I always wish there was more power on the high end.
  • It’s splashproof (IPX6) but not waterproof, so you can rinse it in the sink but you can’t take it in the bath.
  • The downside of the bunny ears and tail being so flexible is that they can hardly apply any pressure at all, so I wouldn’t recommend this vibe for anyone who likes pressure.

Final thoughts

I’m always hopeful about bunny-ears-shaped vibrators when I see a new one come out, because they stimulate the clitoris in an unusual way, sandwiching it inescapably between sweet vibrations. The Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator isn’t ideal for me, because its high-pitched, surface-level vibrations don’t rumble my internal clitoral network the way I (and many others) prefer.

But I think its design is thoughtful, and bodes well for the future of clitoral toys – because, as with the problem of the orgasm gap itself, we need to try every angle of approach if we want to seek out the greatest, fullest pleasures.

 

Oh, and Funzze’s having a Black Friday sale right now! Use codes BF20, BF30 or BF40 to get up to 40% off your order, depending on the value of your order. Details above!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: VVD Rider Desire Sex Saddle

Kate Sloan

“Rideable vibrator” is a fun phrase to say out loud. Go ahead, try it!

I don’t often have occasion to say it out loud, because I don’t often review rideable vibes. They tend to be huge, and I live in a tiny apartment in downtown Toronto where space is at a premium!

But once in a blue moon, there will be a rideable vibe intriguing enough that I’ll make an exception… and the VVD Rider Desire Sex Saddle is one of those, not least because it’s quite a bit smaller than its most famous predecessors. Let’s talk about it.

Gratuitous thigh/tattoo shot for scale

What is the VVD Rider Desire Sex Saddle?

VVD, which stands for “Viva Desire,” is a women-led company that currently makes only one product (you guessed it: the Rider Desire). While I’d put it in the same general category as other rideable vibes like the Sybian and Cowgirl, the Rider Desire is much smaller, lighter, cheaper, and easier to set up. It’s also rechargeable rather than plug-in.

Shape-wise, it’s “inspired by the thrill of” horseback riding, in that it’s shaped like a saddle and you can rock back and forth on it, similarly to something like a Liberator Jaz Motion.

The Rider Desire has several functions: there’s a clitoral stimulator (called the “clit tapping” function) near the front for you to grind against, and there’s a “magnetic docking slot” where you can optionally insert one of the three penetrative attachments that comes with the toy. One attachment vibrates, one thrusts, and one “taps” against internal erogenous zones (more on that below). It also has a heating function.

Clit stimulator + magnetic docking port

Things I like about the Rider Desire

  • I appreciate that this toy has a clit stimulator and that it actually feels really good, since clit stimulation often seems to be an afterthought in dual-stimulation toys, despite it being absolutely central to most vulva-havers’ pleasure. The Rider Desire’s “clit tapper” technology reminds me a lot of the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen, which similarly uses a tapping-esque sensation to stimulate the clit; it feels much rumblier, deeper, more impactful, more pleasurable and less numbing than standard vibration. As a matter of personal preference, I also like that it’s more pinpointed/focused here than the blunt-force clit stimulation you get from vibes like the Sybian or Cowgirl.
  • This toy can be controlled either via its included remote control, or via the toy’s own built-in buttons. VVD specifically asked me to talk about the potential kinky usages of this toy, and while it’s not intrinsically a kink toy per se, ceding the remote to your partner would put a lot of power into their hands, and I’m sure they’d enjoy watching you ride the vibe 😈 As for the buttons on the toy itself, I ended up preferring them over the remote, because they’re located right where my hand naturally rests when I’m grinding against the toy – and it took me only a few minutes of use to memorize their shapes and locations, so I could operate the toy without looking at the buttons.
  • I like that the Rider Desire can be used without an attachment if you’re ever in the mood for à la carte clit stimulation (which I frequently am), or if you just want to warm yourself up before moving on to penetration.
  • It’s really, really cool to me that the toy’s 3 attachments aren’t just shaped and sized differently – they actually do different things. This is quite unusual and I imagine it was difficult to program! My favorite attachment by far is the “tapping” one, which has an A-spotty shape and rapidly “taps” against that spot in a way that reminds me of top-notch fingerbanging. There are 13 tapping modes to choose from. My second-favorite is the thrusting attachment, which can be positioned to thrust against my G-spot or my A-spot, depending on how far I insert it; it has 6 different settings (3 steady ones and 3 patterns). The plain ol’ vibration attachment was less exciting to me, because I prefer motion over vibration when it comes to internal sensations, but its vibrations are rumbly and pleasant nonetheless.
  • The pelvic rocking ‘n’ rolling motion that this vibrator encourages is quite natural-feeling and fun, even for me, someone who is used to masturbating while laying down on her back. I think a toy like this would be even more enjoyable for someone who initially learned to masturbate by grinding against things and/or still regularly gets off that way now.
  • The Rider Desire is quite lightweight for a rideable vibrator, at just 4.24 lbs (or “no more than 3 bottles of water,” according to VVD). This has its pros and cons – the main “con” being that it doesn’t stay put as well as a heavier toy while you’re riding it – but for me it’s almost entirely a “pro,” because I physically can’t lug heavy vibrators around very often so this toy’s lightness makes it likelier I’ll actually use it. (Also, incase you were wondering, the toy has a max capacity of 330 lbs, but users tend to distribute some of their weight onto their knees when using a toy like this, so really it could probably be enjoyed by users up to 400 lbs or heavier, I’d imagine.)
  • There are some grippy traction strips on the bottom of the toy to help it stay in place while you’re riding it, which is a thoughtful choice on the part of the designers, although this feature doesn’t always work super great (more on that later).
  • The magnets that anchor the attachments in place are reasonably strong, such that I think you could safely use this toy for anal penetration without fear of an attachment popping off inside you and getting lost up there. (However, it’s designed for vulvovaginal use and works best that way.)
  • This toy is IPX5 splashproof. Normally this would be a “con” for me, because I like to use toys in the bath so I prefer them to be fully waterproof, but it would be kind of impractical to do that with this one, and I appreciate that it’s at least splashproof so I can wash it off in the sink without issue. (The attachments can be detached and washed separately.)
  • The Rider Desire’s $350 price tag will certainly be well out of the range of affordability for many people, but I think it’s a reasonable price for what you get – a sturdily-built vibe with multiple different attachments and functions – especially considering that heavier-duty rideable vibes will set you back $1,000–1,500. (Oh, and I’ve got a discount code for you, which’ll make it a bit cheaper. Check the end of this post for deets!)
From L to R: vibrating attachment, tapping attachment, thrusting attachment, charging cable, remote control

Things I don’t like about the Rider Desire

  • As with all rideable vibrators, I don’t think my body is especially compatible with this toy. I have fibromyalgia, which causes joint pain (among other things), but even before I developed fibro, my knees and hips just never had much flexibility/range of motion, so invariably, sitting astride a toy like this will make all the joints in my lower body start screaming with pain within a few minutes. I found it most comfortable to bend over/lean forward into an almost doggie-style position, as this didn’t require as deep of a knee bend as sitting upright on the toy, so I could sustain it for longer.
  • Unfortunately, I find it difficult to reach orgasm with this toy, because the clit stimulator only has one steady vibration mode. The other 12(!) of its modes are patterns (pulsing, escalating, and so on), which don’t give me as much direct control over what I’m feeling at any given time. The steady mode is the only one where I can guarantee it’ll stay consistent enough to get me off – except, because there’s only one (mid-level) steady speed, invariably I end up wanting more power at some point and have no way to simply turn it up. IMO all vibrators should have, at minimum, 3-5 steady speeds to choose from, especially since the majority of people prefer them over patterns.
  • Naturally, because this toy is rechargeable and not plug-in, you’re not gonna get the sheer power you’d expect from something like a Sybian. I still found it pretty impressively powerful for its size though, and surprisingly rumbly. Applying pressure and rocking back and forth didn’t seem to slow down the thrusting or tapping of the internal attachments, either.
  • Some people might have issues getting the clit stimulator to line up correctly while one of the attachments is inserted, for the same reason that all dual-stim vibes are tricky to get right: different bodies are different. However, I have a fairly wide clit-to-vag distance, and I could still get the clit stimulator to reach my clit without much difficulty; I just had to shimmy around sometimes, tilt the toy at a slightly different angle, etc. to get it positioned where I wanted it.
  • The grippy strips on the bottom of the toy don’t seem to anchor it very well if I’m only using the toy clitorally. I have to physically hold the vibe in place or else it slips ‘n’ slides all over the bed. (Once I’ve got an attachment installed in the toy and inserted inside me, though, the vibe doesn’t tend to move around much.)
  • Some of the attachment functions are loud and shrill-sounding when in use, especially the thrusting one. This tends to be par for the course for self-thrusting toys but is still worth noting.
Tapping attachment/A-spot whisperer

Final thoughts

When I agreed to review this toy from VVD, even though I barely have the space for more behemoth vibrators, it was because I had a feeling that this one might actually be good… and it is! I think the VVD Rider Desire is a thoughtfully-designed toy, ideal for anyone who likes to ride/hump/grind their way to bliss – or anyone who wants a dual-stim toy they can use hands-free, for disability reasons or otherwise.

That being said, I’m not the target audience for a rideable vibe like this one, because it necessitates a physical position that my body just can’t maintain for very long – and I found it challenging to overcome the lack of steady clitoral stimulation settings: the toy’s one steady clit stim setting feels pretty damn good, just not good enough to make me come.

But the tapping and thrusting attachments are so excellent that I’m willing to overlook these issues for an occasional session. I don’t think there’s any other toy in my collection that I can ride up and down on, and grind my clit against, while having my A-spot rhythmically tapped and massaged. It’s certainly the closest a toy’s ever come to replicating the hot moment during cowgirl-position sex where I get so lost in pleasure that I can’t even maintain my rhythm anymore, so my partner is forced to thrust up into me while I tremble atop them… 🤤

Aaaanyway… If any of this sounds good to you, maybe you’ll want to take the VVD Rider Desire for a ride, too. 😉

 

You can use the coupon code KateS20 to get $20 off your Rider Desire at checkout!

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

A Beginner’s Guide to My Favorite Vibrator Ever, the Eroscillator

Kate Sloan

When you’ve been a sex toy reviewer for as long as I have, there’s one question you get asked a lot: “What’s your favorite toy?”

It’s a fair question, not only because one might glean some toy recommendations from the answer, but also because, in order to find my reviews most useful, a reader needs to have some idea of the types of toys I normally like, so they can try to figure out if my tastes are aligned with their own. That’s why, for instance, there’s hearts next to toys I love on my Toybox page, and there’s a section at the end of my About page where I list my absolute faves in some key categories.

But I have to admit: there is one specific toy which I can call my favorite of all time, without reservation. That toy is the Eroscillator.

 

What is the Eroscillator, and why is it my all-time favorite sex toy?

Me and this toy go way back. I wanted it from the moment I heard it discussed on an episode of the Sex is Fun podcast, probably sometime around 2005. In fact, I wanted it so bad that it was one of the very first toys I requested to review when I started this blog in 2012.

I had tried a handful of other vibrators by that point – but even still, I knew, from the very first time I used the Eroscillator, that this one was different. Famously, it doesn’t technically vibrate – it oscillates. To me (and evidently to many other Eroscillator fans), this produces a feeling that is much deeper, more pleasurable, and more satisfying than standard vibration, because of the “rumbliness”/depth of the oscillations.

Needless to say, when a vibrator consistently produces more pleasure and better orgasms than any other, it’s gonna make its way into my regular rotation – and boy howdy, has it! I’m not exaggerating when I say that there has been an Eroscillator in/on my nightstand at all times since I got my first one, which was over 12 years ago. I’ve owned a few of them over the years, always replacing mine immediately when it broke (more on that later), because it’s absolutely integral to my sex life, both solo and partnered. Nothing else makes me come as hard, or as consistently. And since I’m a pretty clit-focused gal, this isn’t just my favorite vibrator ever – it’s my favorite sex toy, period.

Aside from the wildly good orgasms, here are a few other notable benefits of the Eroscillator:

  • For me at least, it doesn’t cause any of the temporary desensitization/numbing that is common with vibrators, especially buzzy/high-pitched ones. This means I can use it for as long as I want and it’ll still feel good. This also makes it easier for me to orgasm again later, if I want to, since my sensitivity has been preserved.
  • Its long and slim shape makes it possible to use during PIV or strap-on sex, even in (a slightly adapted) missionary position.
  • I find its slider-style control panel to be easier and more intuitive to use than traditional buttons.
  • It’s remarkably quiet for a vibrator, especially when it’s actually pressed against your body.
  • Like many other vibes, it can be used on penises! Highly recommend getting someone off by holding the tip of the Eroscillator against their frenulum; it’s a good time.

 

Which Eroscillator is best?

There are two different Eroscillator models:

  • The Eroscillator 2 is the base model. It was the first one I owned, and it served me well for many years. I’d recommend it for people who have never used a vibrator before and/or people who would consider their clitoral sensitivity to be medium-to-high.
  • For those who like a bit more power, there’s the Eroscillator Top Deluxe, my current beloved. It’s a bit pricier, but IMO the extra power is absolutely worth it. Even on days when my sensitivity has been lowered by alcohol, fatigue, recent orgasms/vibrator usage, or other factors, this toy can get me off no problem like 99% of the time. (For that other 1%, I’d probably bust out the Magic Wand.)

Further, when you buy an Eroscillator, you’ll have to decide which attachments you want – there are various combo sets available, some of which come with fewer attachments than others. These attachments can be easily swapped out to give you a variety of sensations, but to be honest, there are only two attachments I ever use:

  • The Ultra Soft Finger Tip is an absolute must-have. (Legendary masturbation coach Betty Dodson agreed with me, if I recall correctly, although I can’t seem to find the video anymore where she said so.) It’s squishy, and softens the oscillations somewhat, so they don’t feel as jarring. I find it easy to maneuver, and its shape gives you a few different sensation options – try using the edge versus the side of it on your clit, for instance. Many Eroscillator combos come with this attachment, but if yours doesn’t, I highly recommend picking one up. It’s effectively the only attachment I use.
  • Literally maybe once every 5 years, I will use the G-Point attachment instead of the Finger Tip one. I only do this when my sensitivity has been so dramatically lowered for some reason that the Finger Tip attachment doesn’t feel stimulating enough.

 

How to use it

If I estimate, conservatively, that I have had an average of 2 orgasms per week with the Eroscillator for the 12 years I’ve owned one, that would mean that I’ve had over 1,200 orgasms with this thing. I may not have quite hit my Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours yet, but I’m getting there! So, suffice it to say, I think I’m qualified to advise you on how best to use this toy…

  • Luuuuube: You’ve heard this song before – lube is good, and more lube is better! I notice a big difference in sensation between a lubed vs. unlubed Eroscillator attachment; lubed is way more enjoyable. You’ll probably want to use a thick water-based one like Sutil Rich, because silicone-based lubes are incompatible with Eroscillator attachments. Reapply as needed.
  • Placement: As with any vibrator, I think most people will benefit from starting with gentle, indirect contact, to warm up the genital tissues, before moving on to more direct stimulation. (Check out my post about indirect clit stim techniques for more on that.) When I use my Eroscillator, I often move it around to stimulate my clit from different angles, through the outer or inner labia, etc. until I’m ready to focus the oscillations more directly on my clit.
  • Pressure: One thing you might notice pretty quickly about the Eroscillator is that its oscillations weaken when you apply pressure. It took me some time to get used to this initially, but now, I actually use it to my benefit: the toy has only three speeds, but I can press it harder against my body to make a speed feel weaker, and then gradually lift off the pressure as I want it stronger. It’s more intuitive than it may sound, I swear, although it may take some practice.

 

Quirks but not dealbreakers (for me, anyway)

Look, I’m gonna level with ya – this toy has a lot of drawbacks, as you can already see from the length of the list below! In a way, though, I think it speaks well of the toy that it’s still my very favorite, despite all these flaws… It really is just because it gives me better orgasms than any other toy, and, as with human beings, many sins can be forgiven if you make someone come real hard… 😂

But, okay, yes, let’s talk about the many downsides of the Eroscillator:

  • Some people find that the oscillations just don’t feel strong enough for them. If you know you need/want a lot of power, I’d recommend something like a Magic Wand Rechargeable or a Doxy over the Eroscillator. For reference, I’m somebody who typically sticks to the first and second speeds of the MWR, and I find the Eroscillator Top Deluxe plenty strong enough to get me off.
  • As described above, its oscillations weaken when pressure is applied – and while I’ve learned to work with this quirk, rather than against it, this toy isn’t suitable for someone who loves/needs to apply pressure with their vibrators (unless you’re trying to wean yourself off of doing that for some reason).
  • Since oscillation is somewhat subtler than standard vibration, I find that the Eroscillator’s sensations get drowned out if I try to use a vibrating dildo, insertable vibrator, etc. at the same time. That said, good god does this thing ever feel good paired with a (non-vibrating) dildo. The Eroscillator + Pure Wand combo, in particular, nearly makes me black out every time from the intensity 😂
  • It’s expensive!! The cheapest model, which comes with only one attachment, is $119. If you throw the Finger Tip attachment in your cart as well (which you should), it costs a hard-to-swallow $39.95 on its own, and brings the total up to $159. For those with a larger budget or who crave more power, the stronger model comes with a slew of attachments (including my fave) and will run you $249 all told. Worth noting, perhaps: While I didn’t pay for my first two Eroscillators because they were review units from retailers, I did pay full-price for my third one, because I really do love it that much, and the frequency with which I use it more than justifies the price tag for me. But I get that it’s a pretty huge expenditure for a sex toy.
  • On that note, the reason I’ve owned a few different Eroscillators is that mine have sometimes broken. There’s a plastic “cone” that covers the juncture between the body of the toy and its attachment, and eventually the small piece of plastic inside it that holds it in place will break off somehow, which causes the cone to rattle around loosely during use, and can even make the control panel pop right out. Originally I thought this was unfixable, which is why I bought a whole new Eroscillator; however, the brand now sells replacement cones on their website for $21.95 each, which makes this a much cheaper fix and gives the toy a longer lifespan – better for the environment and your wallet.
  • It’s an electric/plug-in vibe, so it’s not waterproof (obviously) and you do have to stay near-ish to an outlet – although I will say that the cord is 12 feet long, which is way longer than most other vibrator cords and gives you a fair bit of leeway.
  • The attachments are made of porous materials!! That really pisses me off, especially at this price point. The Finger Tip attachment is made of “medical silicone elastomer” and the others are made of TPR. I haven’t personally noticed any ill effects of this (such as irritation or infections), but it does mean that you can’t share your Eroscillator attachments with someone unless you’re prepared to be fluid-bonded with them. The Finger Tip attachment also gets slightly discolored over time, because it’s porous.
  • A lot of people think it is very ugly. (However, I am not one of those people. I’m sure the fact that it’s given me over a thousand orgasms has something to do with that.)

 

Final thoughts

Recently I’ve been using the Magic Wand Rechargeable a lot; it’s my second favorite vibrator, for sure. But when I switched back to my beloved Eroscillator after not using it for a while, the difference between the two sensations was stark.

The Magic Wand can brute-force an orgasm out of me, in a way that sometimes feels like using a flamethrower on a birthday candle. Like: okay, we get it – overkill much?! These orgasms can be almost painful in their intensity, and leave my vulva feeling slightly numb and frazzled for a few minutes as it recovers from the onslaught of pleasure.

But the Eroscillator… Oh, wow. Some creatives say that a good ending to a story or poem or song should be “surprising but inevitable,” and that is how Eroscillator orgasms feel to me. They have a way of building and building and building before bursting into sparkly fireworks of pleasure. They’re so intense and so sudden that they tend to knock the wind out of me (to the point of making me reflexively do Lamaze-type breathing sometimes, to manage/handle the intensity of the sensation), but they’re rarely painful or uncomfortable the way a wand orgasm can be.

I’m talking a lot about orgasms here, so let me be clear that the Eroscillator feels good the whole way through the process – particularly since it doesn’t cause the same numbness other vibrators can, so I get to fully enjoy the sensations throughout any given session. But those orgasms… phew. Might need to go have another one right now…

 

This post was not sponsored; I’m just quite possibly the world’s biggest Eroscillator fangirl. You can get yours at SheVibe!

4 Things to Consider When Choosing a Sex Therapist on lifesexplicit

Kate Sloan
I don’t have a suitable photo to go with this post, so let’s just pretend this is me in my therapist’s waiting room…

Sex therapists are so fucking cool. I would say that they’re “doing the lord’s work,” if I were religiously inclined; instead, I’ll just say that they save lives – because I truly believe that they do.

Sexual shame and sexual trauma are so insidiously evil that they can go unexamined for years, even decades – festering inside, often ruining relationships along the way. Sex therapists help their clients exhume and examine these forces, and hopefully heal from them.

As I’ve told you before, finding the right therapist can be really tricky, especially when you’re queer, trans, kinky, and/or non-monogamous. That’s why I’m so thrilled that there are searchable databases of sex-positive practitioners online now – such as the sponsor of today’s post, lifesexplicit, a hub for sexuality and relationships experts, including coaches, therapists, and educators. Yay!

If you’ve been thinking about hiring a sex therapist, sex coach, or similar, there are a few questions you might want to ask yourself before you start your search, to help clarify what you’re looking for…

 

What do you need help with?

Seems obvious, perhaps – but sometimes our issues can feel so overwhelming that we may not actually have a clear sense of what those issues are. Maybe spend some time journaling, or talking with a friend or partner, about the experiences/thoughts/feelings that have led you to consider sex therapy. Having clear language for your current struggles will be super helpful when you reach out to practitioners.

It’s okay if the scope and focus of your therapy end up changing, down the road. For instance, when I started working with a new therapist in 2020, I thought it was mainly to address issues around polyamory, but the deeper we went, the more it became clear that the roots of my struggles were childhood trauma, codependency, and people-pleasing – so that’s what we ended up working on most. Try just crafting a sentence or two about what you think your issue is, at the moment, to give potential therapists an idea of what sort of help you’re looking for.

(If you’re looking for a fun way to clarify what you struggle with, lifesexplicit has a bunch of quizzes about sexuality on their website that might get your neurons firing. For instance, their “Do I Have a Healthy Attitude Toward Sex & Intimacy?” quiz told me that I probably have issues with sexual insecurity and shame, which is… sadly accurate!)

 

What modalities are you interested in?

You might not know the answer to this, and it’s fine if you don’t – but it could help you narrow down the available options to decide on what type of therapy you’re seeking. You might know, for instance, that cognitive-behavioral therapy has not worked well for you in the past, so maybe you want to explore a more offbeat modality.

Worth noting here: While professionally accredited, board-certified therapists can be great, they are not the only ones who know useful things that can improve your sex life. Some of my most important lessons have been taught to me by relationship coaches, sexological bodyworkers, sex workers, and even tarot readers. I love that lifesexplicit includes conventional psychotherapists as well as polyamory coaches, Tantra teachers, sex educators, breathwork facilitators, and more.

 

What’s a dealbreaker for you?

Choosing a therapist or coach is a deeply personal process, and it’s perfectly okay to have high standards (as long as they aren’t limiting you so much that you’re unable to access care you urgently need!). Spend some time thinking about your must-haves and your dealbreakers, so that you can convey that information (if needed) when communicating with a practitioner you’re considering hiring.

For instance, some people might prefer to work with a therapist who has lived experience in queerness, transness, kink, polyamory, etc., while for others, the practitioner’s firsthand experience may not be as important as the types of clients they have worked with and the knowledge they’ve accrued. Some therapists list this type of information on their profile on sites like lifesexplicit, but if they don’t, you can usually ask them about it in an initial consult call.

 

What would “healing” ideally look like for you, and why do you want to heal?

Before I started trauma therapy, I thought a lot about the symptoms I was experiencing – dissociation, conflict avoidance, intermittent panic, etc. – but hardly gave any thought to what the opposite of those symptoms would be: peace, calm, strength, self-sufficiency.

I’m no therapist (not yet, anyway…), but I imagine it’s helpful for them if you can specify your desired outcome – whether that’s something tangible, like preventing a looming divorce, or something more abstract, like feeling confident. It’s always easier to work toward goals when you know what those goals are, and that’s doubly true when another person is helping you achieve those goals.

But consider, too, why you want to heal. There were times, early in my therapy process, when I felt like I was being dragged kicking and screaming to every session (metaphorically), and like I was only working on my issues because it would make me more palatable to the people in my life. This isn’t a useful attitude to take, though, and it’s certainly not an attitude that encourages growth and healing. I needed to figure out the reasons why I wanted to get better, for me. Other people might enjoy the effects of my healing secondhand, but first and foremost, my healing needed to be something I was doing for myself – and once I figured that out, I could reassure myself whenever it got hard, reminding myself of what, exactly, I was fighting for.

 

This post was sponsored by the lovely folks at lifesexplicit! Check out their quizzes, books, resources, and their database of sex-positive providers if you’re looking for a great sex therapist or other sexual health practitioner to speak to/work with. As always, all writing and opinions in this post are my own.