Kate Sloan

3 Porn Clips I Wish Existed

January 17, 2022January 17, 2022Kate Sloan

What my computer sees when I’m watching porn

I don’t know, maybe these already do exist. Maybe I just haven’t looked hard enough. It can take hours to stumble across the right search string to locate what you’re looking for, or to search for the perfect webcam performer who can fulfill one’s exact fantasies. Usually I end up just jerking off to whatever I find in the meantime, if it’s any good, even if it’s not the highly specific image I had in my head before my search began.

I know, too, that if I really wanted clips made exactly to my specifications, the best way to do that would be to commission custom clips from porn performers who specialize in whatever fantasies I had in mind. I wish I had the budget to do that more often. But for now, let’s imagine I’m the God of Porn and I can conjure whatever clips I’m craving out of thin air, like a pervy holodeck. What would I want to see?

1. Gag-free, facial-free deepthroat blowjob porn

You would think this would be easier to find, but as a longtime BJ porn connoisseur, I can tell you, I often have a tough time sleuthing out these types of clips. So I tend to watch the same reliable performers over and over again – mostly Heather Harmon and Little Oral Andie.

I don’t like gagging. I’ve got nothing against people who are into it, and can even understand why someone might be into it, but it just squicks me out and stops my arousal cold.

I also don’t like facials – not because I have an issue with cum on faces, but because I strongly prefer when oral sex ends with someone orgasming in someone’s mouth, whether I’m the giver, receiver, or spectator in that interaction. I get that facials are popular because they’re demonstrative; they make the cum visible to the viewer, plus many people consider them a hot visual for various kinky reasons. But I just always feel disappointed when a stellar BJ ends in this way; to me, it’s, ironically, anticlimactic.

2. Story-driven porn that takes place backstage after opening night

One fantasy my spouse and I share, having been lifelong “theatre kids,” is hooking up on a stage, or near a stage, or behind a stage, or… well, you get the idea.

I don’t think it’s really an exhibitionistic fantasy, at least not for me. In my head, the theatre is always empty except for us. Maybe it’s late one night after a dress rehearsal, or maybe it’s the morning of opening night before anyone else arrives. Maybe I’m the star and I’m fucking the director for clout and bragging rights. Maybe we’re co-stars who kiss on stage every night during our romantic duet but are just beginning to consummate our off-stage chemistry. Maybe I met a hot fan at the stage door one night and invited them in out of the cold. Who knows.

I’d love to see this fantasy played out in porn, though frankly my hopes for its production value and the depth of its plot and characters are probably such that this would be a better notion in my head than on screen. Think, like, Glee if it was about grown-ups doing professional theatre and then also fucking each other. I mean, how great would that be?!

3. Sleuthing out a new sweetheart’s hot spots

One of the things that most drew me to Brooklyn Nine-Nine fanfiction, back in the days when I was reading and writing it voraciously, was the fact that most of its main characters are detectives – and I’m suuuuper turned on by someone solving the mystery of my body, hunting for clues about my sexuality, fitting puzzle pieces together to understand my pleasure more deeply.

I’m not saying I want to see detectives in porn, necessarily – ACAB, baby! – but I would like to see an attitude of exploratory curiosity more often. There’s an instructional porn video that Tristan Taormino shot of performers Dylan Ryan and Danny Wylde for the Smitten Kitten once, in which we see Danny and Dylan negotiating what they’re going to do, giving each other feedback on technique in the moment, and locating each other’s erogenous zones through trial and error. I’d love to see more of that kind of thing in porn.

As much as I love and appreciate porn, I think a lot of it presents sex as something that everyone already knows how to do, even with people they’ve never fucked before. That just isn’t the case – even if you’ve had a ton of sex, a new person’s body is still always gonna be a learning experience when you first start trying to please them. I think a lot more people would relish this process if it were represented positively in porn more often!

What types of porn would you love to see, that don’t yet exist as far as you’re aware?

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

I Wrote a Song that Answers One of the Most Common Sex Questions in the World

January 10, 2022January 10, 2022Kate Sloan

One of the topics I’ve always cared most about as a sex educator is the importance of clitoral stimulation. Maybe it comes from the many hours I’ve spent trawling the /r/Sex subforum on Reddit, on which you can find at least 3-5 posts per day from either a person with a vagina who can’t reach climax from vaginal intercourse and doesn’t know why, or the cis boyfriend/husband of someone who fits that description complaining that his partner isn’t coming during sex.

It makes me want to scream with frustration sometimes. If a cis man showed up on the forum and wrote, “I’ve never reached orgasm during sex,” and subsequently revealed that no partner had ever touched his penis during sex, nor had it ever occurred to him to touch his own penis during sex, everyone would be like, “WTF, dude? The solution is obvious.” The clitoris is the anatomical equivalent of the penis, so both of these scenarios are equally ridiculous and should be treated as such.

Anyway, lately I’ve been getting back into songwriting, and decided to take a crack at conveying this information through song. Please feel free to share the song with anyone you think needs to hear it! The lyrics are below, incase you want to follow along (or, um, print them out and distribute them to anyone you date in the future so they know what’s up).

I think that I’m bored in bed
Or maybe I’m much too much in my head
I’m loving your kissing
But there’s something missing
I can’t put my finger on it…
Oh yeah!
Touch my clit!

Touch my clit – it would be for my pleasure
Touch my clit, that sensitive treasure
I like how it feels quite a bit
When you’re touching my clit

My friend had a tragic breakup
Her man really needed to wake up
He asked for a rating:
Sex versus masturbating
It led to a miserable split
He should’ve touched her clit!

Touch her clit – it is in your best interest
To treat every clit like a princess
It’s a step you should never (almost never) omit:
Touch their clit!

Just so you understand your callousness
The clit and the dick are analogous
Would you like having your dick ignored
Every time you scored?
Wouldn’t you get bored?
Touch it!
Touch that clit!

And now that you’ve learned basic sex stuff
Here’s even more radical tech stuff:
Toys that vibrate
Are really fucking great
Go pick one up lickety-split
And touch a clit!

Touch that clit, with not many exceptions
You can give them a clitoral erection
Most people like how it feels quite a bit
So touch that clit
Remember to lubricate it
And touch a clit!

Review: Honeypot CBD-Infused Lube

January 7, 2022January 12, 2022Kate Sloan

Since both my vagina and I are stoners, I’ve tried a fair number of CBD-infused lubes. The effects they boast are impressive:

heightened sensation
better orgasms
muscle relaxation
increased bloodflow
lessening of sexual pain

However, the one I’m reviewing today is different from any other CBD lube I’ve tried, because it’s silicone-based. It’s Honeypot lube, and I’m a fan.

The problem with a lot of existing CBD lubes is that they’re oil-based. Of course, this gives them a sexy texture that’s great for masturbation or for barrier-free partnered sex, but if you use latex condoms (as I do) or other latex sexual barriers, you can’t use oil-based products because the oil will break down the latex, compromising the safety of your barriers.

I’ve always thought: why should people who don’t use condoms get to have all the fun when it comes to CBD lubes?! And now that I have Honeypot, I don’t have to stress about that anymore, because it’s a condom-safe one.

(Obligatory caveat: generally speaking, you shouldn’t use silicone-based lube with silicone toys, because it might degrade the material. But that seems to only happen with some silicone lubes and some toys, so try doing a spot test near the base of your toy to check whether it’ll have a bad reaction before you use it.)

Honeypot lube comes in elegant packaging that looks and feels luxurious. Its branding is minimalistic and sexy. Crucially, the pump on its bottle is well-designed, not prone to making a mess, and feels satisfying to press.

The taste of it leans sweet and acidic, and the medicinal flavor of the hemp extract shines through. Unlike a lot of CBD lubes, this one isn’t infused with peppermint or any other flavorful ingredients, which has its upsides and its downsides: your genitals won’t get overloaded with minty sensation, as with some CBD lubes that make me feel like my vagina just got pumped full of Icy Hot, but there’s also no flavoring to mask the herbal hemp flavor, so this wouldn’t be my top pick if oral sex was on the agenda.

Texture-wise, Honeypot is pretty standard for a silicone-based formulation. It’s perhaps a little thinner and less cushiony than Uberlube (usually my go-to silicone lube). My partner thought the consistency felt a lot like vaginal lubrication, which is a plus for us, both because it blends more seamlessly into my own lubrication during sex, and because it gives them gender euphoria when we use this lube on toys we’re putting into their hole.

But what about the CBD? Here’s a brief primer on using CBD lubes, incase you’ve never done so before. It only really takes effect when applied to mucous membranes, like the inside of the vagina or butt, and the innermost part of the inner labia. (Sorry, penises. Possibly uncircumcised ones can absorb CBD better, due to them being more mucosal than circumcised dicks, but I’m not sure.)

You should ideally apply it 10-15 minutes before you want the effects to kick in, and it needs to be massaged into the skin a little bit to reach maximal effectiveness. So, for example, it might be nice to gently massage it into someone’s labia and vaginal opening while you’re kissing them, and then spend another 10-15 minutes kissing, groping, grinding, etc. before progressing down to genital-town.

Without the usual peppermint overloading my senses, I find that with Honeypot I’m more able to focus on the actual effects of the CBD. There’s a subtle warming sensation internally which dissipates after about a minute and is then replaced with muscle relaxation and a feeling of extra engorgement. The added bloodflow to the area makes everything feel more swollen and sensitive, in a good way.

As silicone lubes tend to do, this one lasts and lasts. My partner used it on a butt plug which they left in for over an hour (without re-lubing at any point), and removal was just as smooth and pleasant as insertion.

Unlike a lot of lubes, Honeypot is actually lab-tested to ensure its ingredients list is accurate and honest. It’s THC-free and made from hemp, which may affect its legality where you live (I know that hemp-based CBD often exists in a legal loophole, though you’ll have to do research on the laws in your area to know for sure).

At $36 per bottle, it’s pricey for a lube, but pretty reasonable for a CBD lube (the last one I reviewed was $60 for an even smaller bottle!). They also offer bulk pricing options, so if you try it and find that you love it, you can stock up at a lower rate.

Overall I’m really impressed with Honeypot silicone-based CBD lube! It’s elegant, effective, and unique. I think it holds a lot of promise for people struggling with vaginal pain, arousal issues, post-menopausal vaginal dryness, and various other sexual struggles. Cheers to Honeypot for making a lube that is truly unlike any other one I’ve tried!

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own (and my partner’s).

4 Hot Roleplays You Can Do At Home

January 7, 2022January 7, 2022Kate Sloan

Being at home all the time can get pretty monotonous, and that monotony can start to show up in your sex life too. I don’t know about you, but when I think about “shaking things up” sexually, my mind goes to two places: kink, and roleplay. And since I’ve already written a lot about kink on this blog (and in a whole book!), today let’s focus on roleplay.

If you and your partner are stuck at home due to the pandemic and feeling trapped in a sexual rut, I’m here to help. Here are 4 suggestions for roleplays you can do at home – no COVID risk required.

First meeting, first hookup

It can be fun to revisit “firsts” with an established partner through the magic of roleplay, especially if things are feeling a little rote lately. Normally I’d recommend you meet up at a bar or restaurant and pretend you’re on a first date, or that you happen to strike up a conversation with a sexy “stranger” at the next table – but since that’s obviously not the safest activity at the moment, you can do a different version at home.

Imagine the two of you have been corresponding on a dating app for weeks, that your chemistry via texting or phone calls has been undeniable, and that both of you are vaxxed, self-isolating, and have recently tested negative. Imagine, then, that the conditions are finally perfect for you to meet in person for the first time, but that you’ve chosen to do so at one of your homes because it’s more secluded. Will you cuddle up on the couch for some “Netflix & chill,” or will you get right to the sexytimes? Will you seduce each other with slow foreplay or will you be so touch-hungry that you jump each other’s bones? No way to know until you try…

Massage therapy & sexual healing

Stress has a demonstrable, physiological effect on your ability to get aroused, so it can be really helpful to incorporate relaxing activities into sex, like exploring erotic massage with your partner. Why not combine that with a roleplay to make it extra hot?

I love the fantasy of a massage therapist getting so turned on by my body during a massage that they have to make a move on me… or vice versa: me getting so visibly turned on by their touch that they choose to take the massage in an erotic direction.

Have some pre-warmed massage oil on hand (I like one with a scent for this type of roleplay because it helps recreate the sensual environment of an actual fancy massage parlor), lay down a towel or Liberator Throe before you start to catch any drips, and have at it!

Exes reconnecting

Picture this: you have a super hot ex, with whom things ended for reasons that were purely circumstantial (e.g. they had to move across the country for work, or one of you didn’t have the mental and emotional bandwidth for a serious relationship at the time). During the pandemic, that ex reached out, ready to meet up, hang out, and see where things go. And now you’re both vaxxed and recently tested, and they’re sitting on your sofa, looking fixedly at you just the way they did when they were in love with you. What would you do?

I recently did a similar roleplay with my partner and it really helped me connect to feelings of desirability and romantic longing, which are both aphrodisiac emotions for me. Oh, the drama of it all!

Marvelous medical play

At some point last year, a hired nurse came to my apartment to swab my nose for a COVID test because I was going to be interviewed for a TV show in-studio soon, and I was surprised by the intimacy of the interaction: inviting a stranger into your home during a pandemic, making stilted small-talk, and sitting with them on the couch while they do a medical procedure on you. I think this could be a great jumping-off point for an at-home medical-play scene if you’re into that.

Obviously, you can make it a bit sexier than a COVID test. Maybe a doctor needs to examine your genitals to make sure they haven’t been affected by the loneliness of the pandemic, and to revitalize them if they have been. Maybe a nurse wants to test how the pandemic has affected your hand-eye coordination… by seeing how well you can get them off with your hands. Maybe a medical professional has the only “vaccine” available for miles and you have to bargain for it with your body. The possibilities are endless!

Have you done any roleplays at home during the pandemic? What was your fave?

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

31 Things I Do to Combat Loneliness During the Pandemic

January 6, 2022January 5, 2022Kate Sloan

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that loneliness has been a serious problem for many of us during the pandemic. As a hardcore introvert who doesn’t live alone, I’ve been spared the worst of it, but it still sneaks up on me sometimes. Here are 31 things I do regularly that help ease the pain of loneliness:

Have long phone calls with my spouse nearly every night.
While on those phone calls, sync up shows/movies to watch together, so it’s almost like we’re cuddled up on the couch enjoying entertainment together like a non-long-distance couple could do.
Look at real estate websites and imagine the parties I would throw, post-COVID, if I owned this brick-walled loft or that Grecian mansion.
Skype with my best friend once a week to catch up and record our podcast.
Watch live improv shows online (the Bad Dog Comedy channel on YouTube, and the usually-weekly performance of RaaatScraps, are my faves). It almost feels like being in an actual comedy venue again.
Read books containing loveable characters. Literature, I think, is one of humanity’s best ways for mentally communing with other people when we can’t physically be around other people.
Drink wine and play Jackbox games with my roommate and her boyfriend once a week or so.
Occasionally lurk around online dating sites fantasizing about what my life would be like if I was dating this person or that. (Turns out that a tendency to visit site after site into the wee hours is maybe not the healthiest thing for me, but hey, life is a journey of self-discovery!)
Flirt with people on social media.
Argue with people on Reddit. (Would not recommend.)
Learn to deeply enjoy my own company. This is a lifelong process, I suspect.
Watch old videos of fun times with friends.
Play songs on my piano and ukulele, close my eyes, and imagine I’m performing them for a massive crowd (in a post-pandemic world in which that would not be at all concerning for any of us).
Chat with my therapist on the phone twice a month.
Cuddle with cats.
Cultivate obsessions with YouTubers – gorgeous women doing beauty tutorials, clever men making cocktails, etc.
Use realistic sex toys and fantasize about various hot people.
Learn to cook new meals and make new drinks, in the hopes of one day being able to serve them to people I love.
Leave my favorite Twitch streamer’s videos playing on my iPad when I go to sleep, just to hear the comforting sound of a familiar voice (even if he happens to be battling the Elite Four or trying to catch a shiny Rayquaza or whatever).
Have one-person dance parties in my room, and imagine I’m surrounded by sweaty bodies writhing in tandem at a club.
Make a gratitude list.
Go for (masked) walks down to the waterfront, to be with the wind and the waves and the other wandering souls who’ve found their way there.
Send out compliments as often as it occurs to me to do so.
Create families in The Sims and have them throw parties, go on adventures, etc.
Listen to music that seems to “get” how I’m feeling, like that of Ben Hopkins, Paul Cook & the Chronicles, Sarah Vaughan, Ski Lift, Blossom Dearie, Hippo Campus, Fleet Foxes, and Nick Jonas (his most recent album Spaceman is full of COVID vibes!).
Reflect on memories of wonderful social experiences, like being part of a competitive improv team, attending sex-positive mixers, and chatting with the folks who came to my book launch event.
Add more lamps to my room. I don’t know why, but they make the space feel cozier.
Be proactive about my own self-care, including stuff like taking my meds + vitamins every day and using my SAD lamp every day, because taking good care of myself is extra important when no one is physically around to take care of me.
Step away from the internet sometimes. Being online may seem like a solution to loneliness, because there are so many people buzzing around on there, but often it just exacerbates the problem. “Touch grass,” as the kids say.
Look out my window at all the lit-up windows of other people who are stuck inside.
Remember, always, that this too shall pass.