Trying to decide if I think you’ll be a fun lay or not. (Photo by mb)
I write reviews of sex toys here all the time, but sometimes I wish there were equivalent reviews available for sexual partners: “Clumsy, but enthusiastic.” “Could use some honing, but has definite potential.” “Kept a wand plugged in by the bed and aftercare chocolates in the fridge. 12/10, no notes.”
Granted, different people can bring out different sides of one’s sexuality, and one man’s trash-fuck could easily be another man’s treasure – so these types of reviews might not be terribly useful anyway. Nonetheless, I often do wonder, as I get to know a new crush, whether they’d make me scream in bed, or just make me sigh with frustration. There’s no surefire way to predict this, but here are a few small things I look out for…
They respect boundaries (without pouting)
Arguably this isn’t a “good in bed” thing so much as a basic requirement of consent-conscious sex, but either way, it bodes well. How do they react when you say “no” to them? If you express a preference or a hard limit on anything (sexual or otherwise), do they acknowledge it, remember it, and respect it? Do they ever argue with you about your boundaries, push back against them, or ignore them entirely – and if so, how do they react when called out on that? This can all be useful data when you’re trying to assess whether you’d have a good (and safe) time in bed with someone.
They listen closely & are emotionally attuned
So much of good sex is about attunement, by which I mostly just mean paying attention: noticing what’s giving someone pleasure, and adapting your technique accordingly to make it better and better. The emotional and psychological aspects of sex benefit a lot from attunement, too – it’s hard to feel intimately connected with someone who’s off in their own world mentally.
For this reason, I am far more likely to want to jump someone’s bones if they listen deeply during conversations, ask me good questions out of genuine curiosity, and respond/react to my emotional state when we talk. Shout-out, for example, to the guy who recently brought me a box of Kleenex unprompted because he noticed me getting misty-eyed during a sentimental convo with someone else; that is exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about here 🥵 And on a related note…
They are patient & can stay in the moment
Maybe this is a hot take, but I don’t want to fuck someone who checks their phone constantly on dates, for the same reasons I wouldn’t fuck someone who rolls their eyes and checks their watch while I’m telling them a story – that’s rude as fuck, disconnective, and indicates an itchy impatience that is incompatible with the types of sex I like to have.
By contrast, it is wildly sexy when someone stays so focused on me during conversation that it feels like the rest of the world melts away for both of us. It shows me that they probably won’t get bored and tap out after three minutes of lackluster cunnilingus, for example, but are likelier to instead relish every moment they get to spend down there.
They don’t take themselves too seriously
If I lightly roast a man in the course of flirting with him, and he reacts like I’ve just slapped him across the face, either my comment really was out of line (in which case, mea culpa, my dude!), or he’s more concerned with his ego/image/status than with building a connection. And in my experience, if someone’s ego is shaken that easily, it’ll also be shaken by me asking for technique adjustments in bed, bringing up kinks I want to try, or even incorporating sex toys. In the immortal words of Ariana Grande: “thank u, next!”
They’re good at touching
I adore those early days in a new connection when you haven’t had sex yet and so every touch feels electric with promise. It is soooo hot, which is part of why I don’t like to rush into sex with new people these days. Let’s marinate in that sweet, sweet anticipation together for a while, baby!
The ways that someone touches me before they’ve ever fucked me can be very telling, whether they throw an arm around my waist as we walk down the street, idly massage my shoulders in the back of a taxi, or stroke my inner thigh under the table at a restaurant. Are they good at “reading the room,” sensing when (and where) I might like to be touched and quickly adjusting if they overstep? Do they pay attention to what makes me sigh and melt, and do more of that? And just as importantly, how does my body react to their touch? Do I recoil or tense up because something’s not quite right, or do I find myself relaxing into their touch and wanting more of it? This is all hugely useful data.
What signs do you look for when trying to assess whether you might enjoy having sex with someone?
This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
Photo taken in the noise-testing area of the Womanizer factory in Berlin (sorry, can’t remember whose hands these are!)
There are certain sad realities of life that simply can’t be sidestepped. Sometimes you will lose someone you love. Sometimes you will have to pay your taxes. And sometimes – quelle tragedy! – you will have to have sex quietly. My condolences. (Or cumdolences, as the case may be.)
This is easier for some than for others – but if you struggle to keep quiet during sex when you need to, here are some quick tips:
Drown out the noise with more noise
You don’t have to crank up the Barry White if that’s too obvious (!), but some kind of music or other sound can camouflage your cries of passion. I like the “pink noise” setting on the Dark Noise app (its pitch is less grating to me than standard white noise), as well as instrumental jazz and Robot Science.
If you have a HomePod, Alexa, or similar, you can even use voice control to request white noise, rain sounds, or music. This is useful in the heat of the moment, when you may not want to pause the action to set up a soundscape like you’re the Philip Glass of ass.
Use quieter sex toys (or none at all)
Y’all know I love sex toys, but some of them are loud as hell. If sound level’s a concern for you, prioritize silent vibrators when you shop for toys (my reviews often discuss noise level, FYI!), and stay away from notoriously noisy toys like Fleshlights and fucking machines.
Cover the source of the sound
In most cases, the source of the sound is gonna be your own mouth (or your partner’s), in which case a ballgag may be useful, or even just faceplanting in a pillow. Just make sure you have a safe-signal in place (e.g. double-tapping on the other person’s arm or leg) so you can end the action quickly if these measures make it hard to breathe at any point. Beginners may want to stick with ‘breathable’ gags, which have holes in them to allow for airflow, although those don’t stifle sound quite as well.
Occasionally the loudest noises may come from something that is not your face, which you may or may not be able to cover up. For example, spanking someone under a blanket is quieter than spanking them out in the open, although it makes it more difficult to land satisfying hits. (Punching is also quieter than smacking…)
Cushion any impact points
If your thighs keep slapping against your partner’s ass every time you thrust into them, for instance, maybe one or both of you could leave your pants on (unbuttoned, natch) to muffle the smacking. If your bed keeps banging into the wall, move it out an inch or two, or stuff a pillow in between. If you’ve got a particularly squeaky bed, it may even be wiser to have sex on the floor, at least while you have to stay quiet.
Find alternate outlets for sounds
Why do we moan (or whimper, or scream) during sex, anyway? Sometimes it’s a way of handling/processing intense sensation, in which case you may be able to channel that impulse into gripping the sheets, scratching down your partner’s back, and other tactile outlets.
One big reason I make noise in bed is to give my partner nonverbal feedback on what’s working, so they can adjust technique accordingly throughout the process of getting me off. But this can just as easily be achieved by me gripping their arm tighter or breathing harder in their ear when things feel particularly good. You can still be a good bottom even when you have to stay quiet – sometimes it’s even hotter that way!
What are your favorite ways to make sex quieter?
This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
Yep, I’m doing a Girly Juice throwback post and sharing 10 of my actual journal entries from my actual journals this year… Here’s some juicy stuff about my sex life, love life, romantic philosophies, creative adventures, etc. in 2025!
March 11th
One of the ways I know these [musical improv] classes actually WORK is that I literally didn’t feel nervous at all for the entire show tonight. At no point was I less than certain that I could make something up in the moment. That’s so fucking crazy, considering that I was pretty damn nervous for my first beginner CLASS, let alone the showcase. I felt in control tonight. I felt like there was time to think of what I wanted to sing next and how to sing it. Whatever neural re-wiring happens when you start to practice improv regularly, it literally changes the way you experience the passage of time.
The things giving me the most joy and comfort in these bleak times all have to do with creativity and connection. Part of me still doubts as to whether I “deserve” to or “should” spend time, energy and money on these classes. But they feel like church and the gym and high school and university all rolled into one; they feel like where I go to be my bravest, best, most open self; they feel like a direct pipeline into connection, fun and laughter with people who somehow just understand me, despite barely knowing me, because we share this passionate, goofy interest in making up songs together on stage.
May 3rd
In any case, this feels notable: When I think about what I would do if I found out that I had [a terminal disease], the things that immediately come to mind are that I would sign up for as many musical improv classes/troupes as possible (and probably even some non-musical ones) and I would tell all my crushes that I think they’re cute, because WHO CARES.
I would also want to organize a concert where I could play all my favorite songs of mine and/or have my loved ones cover songs of mine. I would dress weird every day, unless I didn’t feel like it. I would go see comedy and theatre and live music any nights I was free. I would haunt Civil Liberties (…meant that in the alive-haunt way, but also it would be fun to dead-haunt Civ Lib too). Might give some money to Rosedale if I had any. Or for CB Pro scholarships. And I’d kiss as many cuties as I felt like (with their consent, of course) and masturbate and have sex up until I couldn’t anymore, and still try to find pleasures even after that. Cura te libitum; memento mori. Both.
May 17th
…Anyway, idk idk idk, but it kinda seems like my improv crushes might be into me, which is CRAZY. It really speaks to the way that this art form makes me into my best self. I remember the wild sense of transformation around grade 10-11 when Rosedale helped me come out of my shell in a big way, and how it suddenly seemed that everyone and their mother was attracted to me and was secretly confessing their limerence via Honesty Box or broadcasting it with their big gushy eyes. It was not just that so many people were into me, but that I could see/tell and usually even BELIEVE they were into me. I was so regularly and deeply in touch with the best and most attractive aspects of my me-ness (not to be confused with “penis”) that it seemed plausible that folks could like me. I liked myself. Hell, I finally WAS myself, period, and not an amalgamation of all the shy-meek-sweet-good-girl things I had terrifiedly striven to be until then.
I feel similarly now, like I have rediscovered the parts of myself I like most and am wearing those parts on the surface of my skin every day like glitter body paint. It’s interesting that so much of improv training is about learning to “get out of your own way” mentally – which I largely take to mean, reduce your anxiety/self-criticism/self-censorship to a point that your improv flows directly from your weird brain and is thus more organic and just better overall – and I am feeling similarly about my own attractiveness-or-lack-thereof lately, in that I actually MAKE myself less hot and more invisible when I let myself act like an anxious shy little kid in the corner – whereas, even though I have the same face and body (well, more or less) as the times when I act more confident and gregarious, people respond to me TOTALLY differently in those two states.
I used to think it was like, if maybe 20% of the population would find me attractive based on my looks alone, then maybe another 5-10% might start to find me attractive as they got to know my personality. But I think it’s significantly more than that, actually, especially the older we get. Conventional physical hotness fades, and also it just isn’t enduringly interesting (at least not to me). I want to know if we can make each other laugh until 3 a.m.
May 30th
Kind of beautiful to show up in a new setting as the best, brightest, most new-and-improved version of yourself, and to get to be witnessed and noticed and liked by someone who is similarly in their newest and most exciting form yet, and you see each other the way you each most yearn to be seen, which just adds to the eroticism and safety of the connection, and you’re both obsessed with and committed to this shared crazy art form which cleansed you both alive again from the inside out, and the wonderment and gratitude you both carry about that still burns within you and sometimes gets messily (but not inaccurately) aimed at each other, and you are exploring a body that’s new to you from WITHIN a body that’s new to you, and you are still learning to pilot a brain drunk on dopamine fumes, and you carry middle school like concrete in your bones and high school like glitter in your blood, and you know how you used to kiss and you know how you want to kiss now, and you know how you used to fuck and you think you know how you want to fuck now, and having a crush in your improv class is like finding a diamond tiara mixed into your lottery winnings: you quite literally cannot believe your luck, and you didn’t know this was a possibility, because why dream of delights beyond those that already saved your life?
Strange to fly away from Toronto feeling sad to be away from improv friends and my mom for 10 days, as if that were my “real” life, only to be welcomed open-armed by New York City once again… [Most] pressingly to me currently is the date I went on last night with the person I refer to by the moniker “hot they/them Q___” when talking to mb about them. They are this devastatingly hot nonbinary heartthrob from L.A. who is a long-time listener of The Dildorks and a big D&D nerd… They were wearing a red velvet/corduroy blazer that they’d just gotten recently for a friend’s wedding, and I was in a red dress (also incidentally bought for a wedding), so we matched, which I remarked on: “We look cute together!”
We had good conversations for hours, about all kinds of nerdy shit – Mel Brooks, the Adventure Zone, comics, musical improv, etc. They were touching my leg a lot under the table (and earlier at the bar, stepping closer to me every so often) and I suspected it was starting to make me wet – which honestly has been hard for me lately… [Some experiences] had made me feel so enduringly “meh” about the prospect of sex with anyone other than mb. It just didn’t seem appealing/exciting/like it would be any good. But this self-described dom and top (as per when they filled out my Date Me form about a year ago) was touching me under the table and it was turning me on.
Eventually I asked if we should find somewhere to go make out… [Then, outside on the sidewalk] they suddenly stopped, shoved me against a wall, and kissed me right there. Once again, I felt myself getting so turned on. It really is strange how much self-doubt/impostor syndrome I still feel about being a bottomy submissive, as if it’s a fake identity that just disguises fundamental sexual selfishness/laziness or something, but it is laughably obvious how submissive I am when the ways doms kiss me, touch me and talk to me make me so goddamn wet.
Anyway, they were a really good kisser. Like I was moaning and melting and sighing and starting to drop into subspace already… [Later they fingered me and] they gave me a lot of pleasure and made me feel a lot of things… Then they sucked their fingers clean and said, re: my flavor, “I’ve been wondering about that for a while,” which made me blush harder than I’ve blushed on any date in a long time. I asked them if they’d maybe wanna leave a mark on me, which is like… pretty damn romantic, from my perspective. They said they would’ve liked to bite my ass, but in the position and location we were in, it was easier for them to just bite my neck where it meets the shoulder, one of my favorite spots. (OMG, I am getting wet as I’m writing this!! Yikes!) They gave me a mark that I love, a wine-dark hickey right in the spot where my bag strap sits, so I was reminded of them for much of today.
Then they walked me to the subway, holding my hand for some of that time and guiding me with their hand around my waist for some of it, as I teetered in and out of subspace. I felt really taken care of and safe. Never once did I get that cold stab of adrenaline like “Oh god, I’m in a compromised state, alone, with a stranger.” I just wanted to stay longer, to keep kissing them, but I was getting tired. So eventually we just made out in front of the subway like horny teenagers. It was really kind of wild. It is so rare that I feel this kind of attraction for someone these days. And it wasn’t just sexual but romantic too. I felt close to them and it felt safe to open up and let my walls down, which has been so hard for me lately. I felt nervous and starry-eyed on the subway home, and the whole next day, feeling (as I sometimes do after an important first time with a new person) that somehow my body was all new, renewed, remade afresh by the experience. Like my own body felt unfamiliar to me because it had been transformed by the way they touched it, the way they wanted it. Oh god. I might be in trouble, huh.
October 9th
Oh hi, it’s me again, the pain slut who gets fingered on park benches. I am crush-brain garbage today and yesterday, meaning I felt hassled and haunted by my own intrusive romantic fantasies. It’s tough sometimes being both a chronic romanticizer who aims to find delight wherever and whenever possible, and a pragmatic bitch with a kintsugi‘ed heart who believes it’s a dumb waste of time to fixate on, as one random example, a nerdy nonbinary heartthrob who lives across a continent from me.
I mean, both can be true. It can be dumb and potentially painful while also being fun and worth doing, like drinking too hard on a school night at your buddy’s going-away party, or dancing for 3 hours at a wedding even though you have fibromyalgia. There is no “right way” that things are “supposed” to go. I can have a big dumb long-distance crush if I want to, dammit!
November 26th
Me: Just really wanting you to leave so many painful marks all over me and fuck the shit out of me but in a romantic n cute way, ya know Them: Oh absolutely. brutally but romantically Me: I want that so bad 🙁 Them: Meeeee toooo
Thinking a lot lately about what “romantic sex” even is to me, because it sure ain’t vanilla missionary in the dark or what [my dommy ex-boyfriend] F___ referred to as “slow stuff & eye-looking,” and yet some of that stuff is at least somewhat appealing with the right person…
I think to me, romantic sex is sex where you both bare some of your soul by pursuing and reacting to the things you authentically desire with each other… sex where you feel absorbed/immersed in sensation and connection and it gets you out of your own head and into someone else’s… sex where you feel strong sensations both physically and emotionally and it feels safe and celebrated for you to feel those feelings… sex where you feel able to truly be yourself (or at least a significant part of yourself), and you know you are not judged or disliked for that but in fact desired for it… sex where your partner seems focused on your pleasure not just because they find it hot but also because they think you deserve a more pleasurable existence because of who you are as a human being… sex where trust acts as an aphrodisiac… sex where effort is a currency of caring… sex where you are both on the same page about what it means and what it feels like… sex without the need to censor yourself, your desires, or your reactions… sex that feels deeply informed by the non-sexual knowledge you have about each other… sex that feels like a shared playspace where your souls can touch and merge for a time… sex that encourages play, fun, and getting what you really, really want… sex that feels like a great conversation… sex that helps you remember you deserve pleasure and are hot… sex that is intentionally scheduled, skilfully practiced, and consistently prioritized… sex that scares you a little with the heights it takes you to… sex that leaves you wanting to say “I love you” when the pleasure overflows out your mouth.
Gotta put stickers on the back covers too! My favorite one here is the Pokémon-inspired one from Namesake.
December 9th
I put up a carefully crafted but admittedly lengthy personal ad on the [redacted] subreddit, honestly probably because all these sweet polite shy Canadian monogamous boys are making me feel frustrated, lol. I think I got about 20 responses, with maybe 5-8 being so short/low-effort that I deleted them immediately, 4-5 being decent but not compatible with me in some key way (e.g. they’re not dominant, or they really want me to sit on their face – I am seeking the pillow princess treatment in this case!), 3-5 being good enough that I’d consider messaging back (and I did message some back)… and the remainder were very obviously ChatGPT-generated, at least partially if not in full.
What is UP with men and outsourcing delicate, intimate human connection to a fucking LLM! It makes me blindingly angry! Part of me feels compassion for their struggle, especially the neurodivergent ones, because men really don’t have social skills drilled into them from birth in the same ways… I would understand if they wanted to consult the robot for advice on how to approach a particular piece of tricky communiqué (and I have even done that myself before), but to copy-&-paste the hollow words of a text generator into your texting app and hit ‘send’… I don’t know how they live with themselves. If you’re that desperate to avoid human connection, why are you nonetheless play-acting at pursuing it?
Some women would vehemently argue that the reason is simple: men only want sex from women, and will do everything they can think of in service of that goal, including lying, misrepresenting themselves, and even stupider shit like expecting women to be too dumb to notice these men are not nearly as articulate or sensitive IRL as they are in their suspiciously verbose messages. I don’t think I believe that the average man is that simple-minded and singularly focused, however. I am of the controversial opinion that men have feelings, longings, and needs in relationships which go beyond the sexual, and that sex is often at least partially the outlet and analogue for their deeper emotional desire for connection and closeness. But one also wonders why these men are constantly shooting themselves in the foot by refusing to learn basic conversational skills and lazily allowing a famously shitty robot to pick up their slack, which it doesn’t do believably or well.
December 15th
I’m low-key disappointed that I probably won’t get to make out with any of my comedy crushes before I leave, because it’s honestly a demisexual’s wet dream to suddenly/finally get sexual with someone you’ve done one zillion improv shows with. Like, I’m hard-pressed to come up with something I’d find hotter and more exciting, both emotionally and sexually. They’ve seen your most embarrassing blunders and your most thunderous successes. They’ve co-created silly art with you night after night, both contributing in total earnestness to this shared ship we all sail together. They’ve seen you when you get dolled up and when you’re just bumming around. They know what makes you laugh and maybe even what makes you scream. They still like you even though they’ve seen you laugh so hard you snort.
To then add the layer on top of that that they additionally want to kiss you, that they have indeed broached that line despite it being unprecedented in your connection, despite the fear that you’ll mess up this thing you really value… It’s just such a sexy proposition to me. There haven’t been many times in my life when someone kissed me for the first time AFTER they already knew me decently well, knew me enough to know they really liked me and wanted me, specifically me. It’s such a hot and validating thought.
And it doesn’t hurt that I’m sure some anxiety and dissociation would be prevented by doing these things with someone you already feel safe with, someone you can relax around, someone your body has a lot of practice feeling relaxed around. I wonder if the kissing would accordingly feel different temporally, in the way that improv scenes seem to give you more time to think of your next line the more that you practice, because your bloodstream is no longer pumping with breakneck adrenaline every time you step on stage. Would kissing T___ or C___ have a certain naturalistic slowness to it, unlike the frantic and forgettable nervous-AF kisses I’ve had on first dates etc.? Would I have time and space, mentally, to marvel at who I was kissing – perhaps even to smile and laugh about it together? Would that laughter be sexy in its own way because it’s an expression of intimacy, of both being simultaneously shocked and delighted by the same thing, almost like the intimacy of watching (or doing) a great improv scene together?
December 20th
Current baseline requirements for a romantic partner:
Treats me well and respectfully, always.
We make each other laugh a lot.
Asks me questions, is intrinsically curious about me, and inspires that same type of curiosity in me. Can carry a conversation.
Feminist, leftist, vehemently pro-LGBTQ+ rights.
Kinky, communicative about sex, into a lot of the same things I’m into, entirely chill about sex toys and period sex and sometimes having non-penetrative sex.
Nerdy and enthusiastic.
A good flirt. Makes me feel liked and desired.
We share an undeniable mutual attraction on every level that matters to us.
Good manners, good hygiene, basic life skills.
Smart enough to keep up with me.
Polyamory-competent, emotionally intelligent, and in therapy if they need to be.
Entirely chill about my line of work, including being written/talked about publicly (anonymized is fine).
Creative-minded and interested in the arts.
Part of me thinks these requirements are too stringent. Another part of me thinks they’re not stringent enough.
Yep, it’s that time again… I’m gonna tell you about my favorite sex toys of the year!
2025 has been a total shitshow politically, and was one of the most challenging (and yet also most joyful) years I have personally lived through, what with moving to New York, throwing myself back into improv, getting painfully rejected by a crush, and starting a new long-distance relationship. (Damn, did that all really happen in just one year?!)
But despite all the ups and downs of the year, one thing remained true: My sex toys were always there for me. It’s always calming to know that no matter how many cuties break my heart, and no matter how many fascists try to break my spirit, I can still enjoy the simple pleasures of a tool-assisted wank, and the positive neurochemical effects of an orgasm or three.
So, without further ado, here are the sex toys I adored most in 2025…
Most photos via the toys’ respective manufacturers; some via me
Old favorites
They may not be new, or flashy, or exciting (though some of them are!), but here are the top-drawer faves that I’ve owned longer than a year and still use regularly:
The Eroscillator ($279 at SheVibe) remains my undisputed favorite clit vibe, and gives me the best orgasms of anything on this entire list.
Vibrator-wise, I also continued to adore the We-Vibe Tango X ($85 at Lovehoney), especially for travel, “on-the-go” sex dates, or jerking off in the tub.
I’m still obsessed with the Hole Punch Fluke vaginal plug ($67 at SheVibe), which is great for providing passive G-spot stimulation while I masturbate clitorally or receive oral sex.
I’ll be honest with you: There weren’t many new toys I liked enough this year to put on this list! Only a handful, really, but I still think they’re worth shouting out. Here are my picks…
This is just a big ol’ realistic dick. And as regular readers of this blog know, I am a fan of dick!
As a colorful femme who eschews neutral shades, I always prefer a bright-‘n’-bold shade over skin tones, so I was thrilled that Valm custom-made this dildo for me in a delicious orange-to-fuchsia ombré. In use, the toy strikes a satisfying balance between firmness and softness, and its measurements are perfect for when I get into a size-queen-y mood. Big recommend (literally)!
Another silicone dick? Yep. What can I say; I know what I like!
I find this one a little easier to thrust with than some of the previous Solina dildos I’ve tried, because the Aura’s balls and suction-cup base act as a handle. Its 6.1″ of insertable length is ideal for hitting my A-spot. This dildo is also modeled after ‘uncut’ cocks, which I appreciate, as someone who has enjoyed both circumcised and uncircumcised penises in my sexual history but has rarely seen the latter represented in the sex toy industry!
I once again did a lot of long-distance play this year, and Lovense toys made it more intuitive and connective than ever.
The difference between these two vibes is their size; I find the Lush Mini easier to insert without necessarily being wet/aroused already, while the Lush 4 feels slightly more satisfying during orgasm. These wonderfully rumbly G-spot vibes can almost feel like a partner is fingering me, when controlled by someone with skill and patience!
Before I compliment this toy, I gotta roast it. The Switch is a perfect example of why Lelo’s reputation has gone downhill: the Switch is overpriced, and boasts some gimmicky features that never quite work the way you want them to. In this case, they’ve made a mini wand vibrator that has two motors – one in the head of the wand (as you’d expect) and one in the handle, which can be used as a G-spot vibrator when you flip the toy around.
I didn’t like dual-ended toys when Tantus tried it back in 2014 and I still don’t like them now, for the same basic reason as back then: when you’re continually switching back and forth between the toy’s two ends (as the Switch’s name encourages you to do), you end up getting lube and/or bodily fluids all over your hands. I guess some people might be into that, but for me it’s a bit of a sensory nightmare.
That being said… This is a strong, rumbly, waterproof, and very quiet wand with a wide range of vibration settings. It’s also visually stunning, as Lelo toys often are. And it seems to have fewer mechanical issues than Lelo’s previous attempt in this category, the Smart Wand. It’s one of the better things Lelo has put out in years, which admittedly isn’t saying much – and yet, it has definitely earned its 2nd-place spot on this list with the amount of orgasms it’s given me.
I mean, let’s face it: nothing was ever gonna top this one. The launch of the long-awaited Magic Wand Waterproof was the most exciting news in the sex toy industry all year, if you ask me. (And yeah, I might be slightly biased, given that I spent a year of my life interviewing people about the Magic Wand and creating a podcast miniseries about it, but I still think I’m right!)
As if it wasn’t astonishing enough that they managed to engineer a waterproof version of this decades-old classic, Vibratex also gave this toy more power than any of their previous wands, making this the strongest rechargeable/non-electric wand I’ve ever tried. It actually ended up being a little too strong for me, so I still reach for my Magic Wand Rechargeable more often – but I’m soooo glad the Waterproof exists, especially for those of you who like your vibes jackhammer-strong.
What were your favorite sex toys this year, dear readers? Feel free to let me know in the comments!
I’ve been really into having my G-spot fingered lately. Usually I prefer deeper penetration, but my G-spot received a lot of attention toward the end of a lascivious first date recently, and so that type of stimulation has been on my mind: the way it makes me gasp and twitch, the balance it strikes between “a little too much” and “yes please more,” and its tendency to make me squirt. G-spot play has a lot to recommend it!
I was intrigued, then, to receive an email from VVD – makers of the Vkini vibrating bra and the Rider Desire sex saddle, both of which I’ve previously reviewed and enjoyed – offering me their new vibrator, which is designed to mimic G-spot fingering. It’s called the RiderGo.
VVD’s flagship product is their Rider Desire sex saddle, a rideable toy in the vein of something like a Sybian or Cowgirl, only a whole lot smaller, lighter, and cheaper than those plug-in behemoths of yore. Like many vibes of its type, the Rider Desire came with a few different interchangeable attachments, each with a slightly differing shape and function.
However, as I noted in my Rider Desire review, rideable vibrators are sometimes too bulky, heavy, and awkward to be practical, especially for those of us whose bodies have limitations – which is why it’s so neat that VVD has since launched the RiderGo, a handheld toy that uses the same magnetic attachment system as the Rider Desire.
If you’ve got both toys (which are conveniently sold as a bundle), you can use any/all of the attachments on either the handheld RiderGo base unit, or the rideable Rider Desire base unit, depending on whether you’re in the mood to hold the toy yourself or hump it hands-free. How versatile!
Interestingly, the RiderGo isn’t just a handle for attachments – it comes with its own attachment, the tip of which strokes up and down like a partner massaging your G-spot with their fingers. Its base unit also features a clitoral vibrator – so, in effect, the RiderGo is a rabbit vibrator that features the rare ability to swap out the vaginal arm for other attachments (not included), should you so choose.
Powerful stroking: This toy’s fingering-esque G-spot stroking function is genuinely great. The tip of the shaft moves up and down quickly in a manner that really does resemble strong human fingers. It doesn’t weaken or slow down under pressure at all, even when I squeeze my vag muscles as hard as I can – this is extremely rare among sex toys of this type! If you like having your G-spot fingered fast and firm, you should consider this toy.
Independently controllable functions: The finger-like stroking is controlled using a separate button from the clitoral vibration, so you can stick to using one or the other if you want. If you remove the attachment altogether, you can even use the base unit as a standalone clitoral vibrator, which is useful when you’re still getting turned on and aren’t ready for penetration yet.
Versatile clit stimulator: The RiderGo’s clitoral arm is highly flexible/bendy, so it moves with you when you thrust the toy, maintaining clitoral contact the whole time (yay!!). I also appreciate that it has a tongue-like protrusion which feels great on my clitoral hood and actually stays there instead of sliding around uncomfortably, because my clit’s really sensitive and prefers indirect stimulation.
Stimulates clit even without vibration: While we’re talking about clit stim – if I turn on this toy’s thrusting function but leave its vibration off, it stimulates my clit nonetheless, because the thrusting motion rubs the toy’s external arm against my clit on each thrust. It’s not enough to get me off, but it certainly gets me turned on/warmed up, which makes the ensuing vibration feel better.
Handle design: The looped handle is a great design choice for a thrusting toy, because these toys tend to wriggle their way out of your vag unless anchored in place somehow; I usually put a pillow between my legs for this purpose, but with this toy, I can just thread one finger through the handle’s loop and it takes very little hand strength for me to keep the toy stationary while it thrusts. A thoughtful touch!
Modular: It really is pretty cool that you can swap out this attachment for the ones that come with the Rider Desire for some additional variety… although, of course, not everyone will be able to afford both toys.
USB-C charging: I’m seeing more and more sex toy companies adopt USB-C for their products, and I’m always glad when they do, because it means one less cable to pack when I travel.
Waterproof: It’s IPX7 waterproof, meaning you can wash it in the sink or use it in the bath or shower without fear of ruining it.
Price: $79 is a decent price for a powerful, rechargeable dual-stim vibe that mechanically strokes your G-spot, but it’s an even better deal if you bundle it with the Rider Desire and use my coupon code (KateS) to get 12% off: the whole shebang comes out to $290 and they’ll even throw in a bottle of water-based lube for ya.
Things I don’t like about the VVD RiderGo vibrator:
Buzzy vibrations: I wish these clitoral vibrations were rumblier. As-is, they’re powerful enough to get me off – often enjoyably! – but just buzzy enough that I noticeably lose some clitoral sensitivity by the end of a session, resulting in weaker (albeit reliable/easy) orgasms.
Too few speeds, too close together: The RiderGo’s vibration and stroking functions both only have three steady speeds followed by a handful of patterns. IMO this is not enough steady speeds, especially since there’s not much variation between those three speeds, so I often don’t get the noticeable, immediate boost in arousal/stimulation I am used to getting when I turn a toy’s speed up.
Too straight: Despite VVD’s insistence that a gentle 15° curve is ideal for hitting the G-spot, I actually find that this toy’s shaft is too straight to consistently hit mine. It’s more of a teasing massage of the general area than a targeted G-spot onslaught. I wish there was enough shaft length for me to be able to slide this toy into my A-spot instead, because its shape is much better suited to that.
Loud: As with many toys that thrust or stroke in this manner, the RiderGo makes a fairly loud mechanical sound in use. That being said, the clitoral vibration is comparatively quiet; it’s only the G-spot “fingering” that’s loud.
Short battery life: The RiderGo’s battery only lasts about 45 minutes on a 90-minute charge, which is not ideal. I don’t like feeling rushed!
Ill-considered power button: Unusually for a sex toy, the RiderGo can be turned on or off by short-pressing its power button, not long-pressing (which does nothing). I accidentally turned the toy off a few times during testing by mistakenly hitting the power button while trying to change settings.
Not anal-safe: While the magnet that affixes the attachment to the base unit is pretty strong, I think there’s a chance the attachment could pop off inside you, so I wouldn’t recommend this toy for anal play.
Final thoughts
Even if the VVD RiderGo was just a rabbit vibe, as it appears to be, it would be plenty impressive. Its G-spot strokes are intense and unrelenting, its clitoral vibrations are strong (albeit somewhat buzzy), and its silicone and ABS plastic construction is high-quality.
But it’s not just a rabbit vibe – its shaft can be swapped out modularly for other attachments sold with VVD’s Sybian-esque Rider Desire, offering you extra versatility down the road. I find the RiderGo’s buzzy vibrations, high noise level, undervaried settings, and barely-curved shaft a bit disappointing, so this isn’t destined to be my favorite vibe – but even so, it was able to get me off reliably when I tested it, which speaks to the sheer power of its G-spot stroking. I think plenty of rabbit-vibe connoisseurs would really dig the RiderGo.
Oh, and I have some deals to share with my readers, courtesy of VVD! You can get the RiderGo, the Rider Desire, or a bundle of the two for a reduced price: my discount code KateS gets you 12% off, site-wide.
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
