Weirdly, one of the saddest parts of my slow descent into chronic pain hell is being unable to dress the way I used to. 💔
Even setting aside the issue of how my body shape/size has changed since becoming less mobile (because I ain’t about that fat-shaming life), there are some types of clothes I just can’t wear anymore, or at least not very often. My beloved rockabilly dresses have nipped waists that dig into me uncomfortably; luxury lingerie stabs me with its underwires and lace; even jeans often feel painfully restrictive. I was never much of a high heels person, but now even sturdy heeled boots sometimes hurt me. It suuuuucks.
However, slowly but surely, I’ve been re-learning how to dress myself in what feels like a completely different body than I had in my teens or early twenties. Here are some of my top picks; maybe they’ll help you if you also have chronic pain/illness, or even if you just like comfy clothes!
Leggings and lounge pants have become foundational to my style. I used to wear tights under dresses most days, but over the years I’ve slowly transitioned to wearing leggings under my dresses instead, because they’re comfier, more durable, easier to put on in a hurry, and can double as pants for sleeping in or lounging around the house. (Or wearing out, frankly. The “leggings are not pants” brigade can fuck right the hell off.)
These TrueSleep modal joggers by the Gap are some of my faves right now; I have a few different pairs. Modal is one of the comfiest materials for my particular body. It’s stretchy, non-scratchy, and feels light as air against my skin. These pants have pockets – always a plus – and they have a slim enough cut that they can pass for leggings if I throw a dress over them before leaving the house. They’re marginally see-through because the fabric is so thin, which is admittedly a drawback, but I barely wear them out of my apartment so it doesn’t really matter. I also love my Ureshii leisure pants, which were made-to-measure and are soooo comfy and soft.
Cute tops help me feel like a human even when my body isn’t cooperating. I’ve recently sought out soft lace-edged tank tops as a replacement for the oversized T-shirts I tend to rock with my lounge pants, because any little thing I can do to feel more femme is helpful when I’m achy and insecure.
Looking in the sleepwear section of any clothing store is always a good bet for pain-friendly clothes, because those garments tend to be specifically engineered for comfort and mobility. I always keep an eye out for “sleepwear” items that don’t look like pajamas; they are truly the holy grail.
Modal slips are a lifesaver for me. My first one was a black satin-edged Calvin Klein one that I bought a decade ago, and it’s held up so well and gotten me through so many pained days that I recently ordered a couple more: a short one in black and a longer one in a rosy red. These are way more glamorous than sweatpants but just as comfy (if not moreso), and can even be worn out of the house if layered appropriately with leggings and a cardigan or somesuch.
I’m curious about silk slips – they seem like a summertime equivalent of my modal ones, and are ultra-glam – but the one I want most isn’t available in my size, so I’ll keep looking, I guess! I also dream of someday ordering a bespoke Ureshii jersey dress; their cuts are gorgeously flattering but they’re made of super-soft fabric.
Bralettes are a must-have for times when I want some boob support but am in too much pain for a proper bra. Truth be told, I don’t wear bras or bralettes all that often, because I’ve basically stopped caring about my nipples being visible or whatever, but sometimes I want to feel a little fancy so I’ll put one on.
Some of the comfiest ones I’ve found are by Aerie. I usually avoid lace because I can’t handle the itchiness against my skin; soft fabrics are where it’s at. If I ever want to go the whole nine yards, I could order some made-to-measure jersey bralettes from Ureshii (drooool).
Cashmere sweaters are super comforting and cozy. They especially help me when cold weather is causing pain flare-ups; one day I’d love to own a pair of cashmere leggings for similar reasons (feel free to recommend some in the comments!). My favorites right now are by J. Crew but it’s pretty easy to find vintage cashmere for a steal on eBay, Etsy, Depop, etc.
Cashmere also layers really nicely with materials like modal and silk. The extreme softness of it makes me feel swaddled in safety. Truly ideal.
Ugg boots are a controversial pick, but whatever. They’re incredibly comfy, even when I’m having one of those weird pain days where just walking around hurts my feet and legs. I often even wear mine around the house.
The ones I have are adorned in sequins, but I’d eventually like to get a classic black pair because they’re subdued enough that they don’t scream “Paris Hilton in 2003.” (Not that there’s anything wrong with Paris Hilton… but she and I have different aesthetics!)
Jumpsuits and rompers are best for those days when I just can’t be bothered with separates. My favorites are by MeUndies, whose rompers are so sinfully soft that they’re even comfier than being naked (for my body, anyway). And they have pockets. Incredible.
The Gap makes a Softspun V-neck jumpsuit and a modal romper that both intrigue me. In summer I could wear these out of the house and probably no one would bat an eye. Cool!
Fellow folks with chronic illness/pain, what changes or additions have you made to your wardrobe to accommodate your condition?
The past year has been an exercise in trying to find normalcy during a strikingly not-normal time. Some traditions can’t really be replicated when we all have to stay home as much as possible – but some can, and I’ve been doing my best to seize on all such opportunities.
One annual tradition of mine is taking my mom to see the Ross Petty pantomime at the Elgin Theatre. A handful of Toronto theatre geniuses put a different show together every year, usually telling a traditional story (e.g. Snow White, Robin Hood) through a modern lens. There are always flashy song-and-dance numbers, zany characters, and plenty of topical jokes. This past year, they obviously couldn’t do the show as per usual, so they livestreamed a highly produced holiday special loosely based on The Wizard of Oz. Naturally, I bought tickets for my mom and I as one of her Christmas gifts.
Her in Toronto and me in New York, we both got dressed up for the occasion, sat down in front of our respective TVs, and watched the show while texting each other the entire time. It was almost as good as crowding into front-row seats with her for the closing-day matinee like we always used to do.
Lancôme Rouge in Love lipstick in “Midnight Rose” (definitely one of my all-time favorite lipsticks – I originally bought it because Christina Hendricks was said to have worn it)
…& if you’re wondering, the cocktail I’m drinking in that one photo is a Millionnaire, which Matt made for me when I told them I was craving something with nutmeg!
Let’s talk about these boots, though… They are the Dagget style by Jeffrey Campbell, and I first saw them when the notoriously pink-adoring Gala Darling posted them to her Instagram story to ask her followers if we thought she should buy them. I don’t know if she ended up pulling the trigger or not, but I was immediately smitten and filed them away in my list of “things I would buy if I had unlimited cash.”
However, during one of my beloved spouse’s recent stints in chastity, we were both craving some financial domination, so I pulled up my list… and after going back and forth between the boots, a few different bags, and a cashmere sweater, we eventually decided the boots were the right call. I promised I would (lightly) trample Matt with these fuchsia stunners once they arrived, and that certainly motivated them to hit “Add to Cart”! (I was true to my word, if you’re wondering…)
Speaking of “making” people buy me things for kinky reasons… I have an Instagram acquaintance from Germany who has a headphones fetish, and we recently got into a semi-flirty convo about headphones which culminated in him buying me this dreamy pair of Cowin E7s. I was mostly interested in them for aesthetic reasons (I mean, just look at them!) but they’ve actually turned out to be fantastic headphones for my purposes. You can use them wirelessly or wired, they have noise-cancelling functionality, they’re super comfy, and their battery life is epic (as of this writing, I haven’t had to charge them since their first charge about 5 weeks ago, despite near-daily use). Lovely!
Sparkly blue eyeshadow – Polar by Sugarpill (as with many glittery shadows, I think the best way to apply this one if you want extreme color payoff is to spray your eyeshadow brush with MAC Fix+ or another setting spray, and then dip it into the eyeshadow and apply it)
Sometimes it just feels good to dress up! I bought this dress to wear to a wedding a few years ago, and tossed it into my suitcase on a whim when I was packing for this extended stay in New York. It’s ended up getting more wear than I would have predicted, mostly because it feels definitively fancy and out-of-the-ordinary for me. When you’ve been bumming around in sweatpants and T-shirts all week, feeling increasingly depressed about the world, it can feel nice to throw on something pretty.
What I’m wearing:
Black and teal floral-print one-shoulder dress – bought at a sadly now-defunct rockabilly store called Loveless Boutique to perform a ukulele song as my cousin walked down the aisle at her wedding in Malta in 2016
I love to go out with Matt, even if just for masked walks around the city. We always have fun together!
This whole post is basically an exercise in re-styling. Since I’ve been living out of two suitcases for the past few months, I’ve had far fewer options available fashion-wise than I normally do – but sometimes creativity comes from limitations. I’ve enjoyed finding different ways to wear just about every piece I brought with me, to make sure I get the most out of them and don’t get bored of my temporarily limited wardrobe. It helps enormously if your wardrobe has an overarching color palette – I have a lot of black, pink, and blue in my wardrobe, for example, so it’s very easy to match things!
Matt’s adorable Mickey Mouse bag is from the Coach x Disney collection, which contains some of the cutest Coach bags I’ve ever seen. Matt is a huge Disney nerd, and bought this one for themself when I pointed it out to them. I like that it’s also nearly the same shade of red as their company‘s logo!
It definitely feels weird to be doing my traditional year-end blog post series when it’s been such an utter shitshow of a year. I gotta admit, several times this year I considered just scrapping it, because the perceived frivolity of things like lipsticks, dildos, and sexy slowjams is enough sometimes to make ’em feel like futile topics to write about.
But here’s the thing: they’re not. I know that because, during the entire coronavirus debacle, between Zoom calls and doomscrolling sessions, we’ve turned to those supposedly “frivolous” things to give us comfort and joy, in an era where comfort and joy have been scarce. I’ve heard from countless readers this year telling me that my recommendations of movies, music, makeup, and sex toys have helped them in some way, so I figure I’ll write my yearly wrap-up as usual, though the year itself was not usual at all. We can use all the comfort and continuity we can get right now.
So, today I’m kicking off 12 Days of Girly Juice, with – as always – 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my heart this year.
Shorter hair
I didn’t get to write about this last year because it actually happened a couple weeks after my post, so here it is: I’ve had short(er) hair for nearly a year and I love it! After a decade+ of having hair that ranged from mid-chest-length to hip-length, I cut mine to chin-length.
My bedhead is much more chaotic now than it was before, and I have fewer options available to me in terms of hairstyling, but overall I adore this length and probably won’t grow it out for a long while. It makes me feel much more “queer-looking” and much less invisible, and it’s fun to scrunch. Yay!
Blue satin Louboutins
It felt like fate when, late last year, while combing online vintage shops for something appropriate to wear to Tara‘s un-wedding, I stumbled across a pair of Louboutin Greissimo pumps in my favorite color and my exact size. My jaw dropped. They were too expensive for the likes of me, but were nonetheless on sale and very reasonably priced for Loubs, so my generous partner bought them for me as my “congrats on finishing your book!” present. I wore them to the un-wedding, needing to take sit-down breaks occasionally during the 4-5 hours we spent hobnobbing and drinking and flirting. They made me feel powerful and high-femme in all the best ways.
I’ve only worn them a handful of times since then, mostly at home for impromptu dress-up days and Zoom parties during quarantine, because they’re far too unwieldy and delicate for most outdoor adventures. But they’ve been displayed on my desk all year, and every time I look at them, I’m reminded that beautiful things can do wonders for my mood.
Tom Ford Cherry Lush lipstick
When my partner Matt and I exchanged anniversary gifts late last year, I opened one of mine and started laughing hysterically. It was this lipstick – and, as Matt discovered when they opened their next present, I had bought them the exact same one, in the exact same shade! We’d discussed our fondness for the luxe Tom Ford lipstick aesthetic at some point, but had never come to a conclusion about which color we preferred, so this was particularly unexpected.
Cherry Lush was probably my most-worn lipstick this year (possibly tied with Sugarpill’s Girl Crush, which I wrote about last year), because it’s absolutely gorgeous. A pink-leaning red that lives up to its name, it seems to work with just about any outfit and any makeup look. Plus it makes me and Matt so happy to wear matching lipstick when we go on dates!
Fabric face masks
No fashion accessory (if one can even call it that) defined 2020 so much as the face mask. It became a political battleground, an ethical statement, and a medical must-have. It also became one of the most noticeable fashion choices many of us would make each time we’d go out. You could’ve gone all 2020 without anyone outside your household seeing your choice of lipstick, or the pattern on your socks – but your rotation of masks was, very likely, a crucial part of your aesthetic for most of the year, whether you liked it or not.
I got most of mine from Etsy, including many from shops that are no longer in operation, probably because they got inundated with too many orders to handle. One of my favorite masks of the year was a white sequinned one from AvaReignCreations, which I bought to wear to my (outdoor, socially distanced) wedding. It felt like a nice bridge between the femme fanciness I’d been missing and chasing all year, and the grim reality of our current world. (Would love to hear about your favorite mask-makers in the comments if you’ve got recs, especially for smaller faces!)
My engagement and wedding rings
I mean, obviously! These are literally some of the most beautiful items I have ever owned, in any category. I’m so happy I get to wear them every day.
Matt wrote an extensive essay for me about the process of shopping for, and buying, my engagement ring. Unlike some brides, I didn’t really want to be involved in choosing the ring, beyond providing a few specifications – like that I wanted the stone to be aquamarine, and I didn’t want yellow gold. They looked at over 350 aquamarine rings both online and in person, and eventually decided the final selection had to be platinum, with a round stone surrounded by ethically-sourced diamonds. They ended up landing on a Tiffany & Co. sparkler that made me literally gasp when I first saw it.
I got to choose my own wedding ring, and after some deliberation, we decided to go back to Tiffany’s. I tried on several, and the one I ended up settling on is a platinum band with a diamond-studded, V-shaped indentation made to fit perfectly against my engagement ring. I am obsessed!
Agent Provocateur lingerie
Experimenting with financial domination was a really fun part of my sex/kink life this year. Matt bought me a couple different sets of luxury lingerie – one hot pink, one royal blue – each as part of a findom scene.
I feel immediately foxy whenever I wear any of these pieces. The bras create legendarily good cleavage – I even wore one of them under my wedding dress, because it makes me feel so beautiful and hot. The craftsmanship on AP stuff is truly wonderful!
J. Crew cashmere sweaters
A lot of J. Crew’s catalogue consists of perfect classics, and their “long-sleeve everyday cashmere crewneck sweater” is no exception. However, not all of the colors it comes in could strictly be considered “classic”!
At my behest as part of a financial domination scene (I’m sensing a theme…), Matt bought me one in “lustrous blue,” and later bought me another one in “neon fuchsia.” Words cannot describe how vividly-hued these sweaters are; in fact, even photos cannot truly capture the brightness. They are what Gala Darling would call “eye-gouging.” They are also supremely warm, divinely comfy, and ultra-versatile. I’m sure I’ll be wearing them all winter, and hopefully for several more winters to come.
Vintage silk floral-print robe
I fell immediately in love with this pink rose-print 100% silk robe/kimono when I saw it on the Etsy shop FlyGirlOutlet. I had been thinking a lot about cultivating glamour during quarantine – a difficult thing to do, to say the least – and had come to the conclusion that an elegant silk dressing gown would help enormously with that.
I wore this robe around the house a lot all year, and also, most memorably, over the aforementioned AP lingerie for a surreptitious stairwell photoshoot!
Coach Rambler bag
I bought a few different bags this year, but one of my faves has to be the Coach Rambler crossbody in a beautiful pinky-purple shade called “hibiscus.” I love this bag’s simple, 1960s-inspired silhouette, comfortably wide strap, and surprisingly roomy interior.
It’s certainly not an ideal bag for a maximalist, but during COVID I’ve mostly just been carrying around my wallet, phone, and maybe a book when I go out (as opposed to pre-pandemic when it mattered enormously to me that my handbags be able to fit a laptop or at least an iPad), so the Rambler has served me well this year!
Red heart-shaped glasses
Few things transform your appearance as swiftly as a new pair of glasses. When I saw that Zenni makes a red heart-shaped pair, I just couldn’t resist pursuing my dreams of looking like a grown-up, glamorous Lolita.
These specs get compliments everywhere I go, and make every outfit look a little quirkier and kookier. I adore them!
Sparkly black Ugg boots
Midway through this year I bought a pair of black sequinned Ugg boots, after suppressing the urge to buy Uggs for probably a decade. I only wear them indoors (which, apparently, is a must), and they keep my chilly feet incredibly cozy 24/7.
I think the moral of the story here is: fuck the fashion police. (And also the regular police, but I don’t think they care as much about Uggs.) If there’s an item of clothing you love – or think you would love – that would make your favorite fashion blogger or magazine editor shudder, who gives a fuck? They’re not the ones who are gonna be wearing it. You know yourself best – and your style is your choice.
False eyelashes
Yep, still enamored. With the bottom half of my face being out of view for so much of this year due to masks, I turned to bold eye looks… and lashes remain one of my go-to glamorizers on glum days.
I use Lilly Lashes glue, although most beauty experts swear by Duo, which I also own but haven’t tried yet. Sugarpill’s Saint lashes are the ones I wore on my wedding day – I love that they’re a mix of black and dark brown, because it makes them look (somewhat) more natural. These Sephora “Flirty” ones are also gorgeous. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here batting my eyes at cute people forever!
What fashion and beauty items helped get you through the year?
All of the beautiful photos in this post were taken by the supremely talented Ashe of Rose Glass Photography, who I would 100% recommend!
Supposedly every little girl grows up dreaming of her perfect wedding, and specifically, her perfect wedding dress. I haven’t found this to be very true in my friend groups, perhaps since so many people I know are queer and/or trans (and thus not prone to heteropatriarchally-rooted fantasies) or just don’t really care about weddings all that much. Personally, as a chronic romantic fantasizer, I was usually more moony-eyed about the idea of my perfect future spouse than I was about the dress I would wear. But I do have a wedding Pinterest board dating back years and years, so I guess at some point I hopped onboard the “dreamily musing about what I’ll wear to walk down the aisle” train.
The COVID-era wedding Matt and I threw together was initially so informal that I wasn’t even sure if I needed a specific outfit for it. I figured it would happen at a courthouse and would be more about signing documents and waiting in line than doing a full face of makeup and throwing a bouquet. One of the first nights we started planning it on the phone, I semi-joked, “I guess I probably have to buy a white dress, huh?” and Matt said, “Yeah! You should!”
Over the next couple of months, we cobbled together our outfits from various sources. We really like to match each other when we go out on dates, so we already had practice syncing up our color palettes. What resulted is a pair of outfits centered around white and blue, with little pops of red and pink here and there. Read on for all the juicy outfit details!
My outfit
The dress: I’ve always wanted a 1950s-style, knee-length wedding dress with a full tulle skirt, but to get it exactly right would require tailoring and a bunch of money, both things that are kind of tricky during a global pandemic. So I set aside that desire for the time being, figuring I could always splurge on my dream dress for the bigger wedding-y event we plan on having post-pandemic so all our friends and family can come party with us. I started looking at more practical and affordable options.
After scouring various online stores for a few days, I eventually settled on this ’50s-inspired A-line dress by Grace Karin. It’s a really classic fit-and-flare silhouette, the kind of thing I wear all the time, but getting it in white was special. I made sure to read a bunch of reviews before pulling the trigger, to make sure buyers thought it was well-constructed and not see-through (a common problem for white dresses), and the reviews were excellent, including some from people whose body shape and size were similar to mine. (I’m generally a size 10-12 and I bought this dress in a size L, if you’re wondering.)
When the dress arrived, I tried it on, and it fit perfectly and looked exactly how I’d hoped it would. I’ve always loved the 1950s aesthetic and was so glad I’d found such a lovely manifestation of it for my “big day”! It was also fortuitous that I only needed to spend $35 on it (!!), because our wedding was in a kinda muddy park and the waitress at our post-ceremony dinner accidentally squirted hand sanitizer on the front of my dress. I think she was pretty horrified, but I just laughed and said, “It’s totally okay, it only cost me $35!!”
The crinoline: While I used to rock crinolines as skirts in high school, I’m not sure I had ever really worn one the way they’re supposed to be worn – under an A-line dress to help it look fuller and more flouncy. But this dress really called for it, and your wedding is one of the days when you get to be unapologetically fancy if you want to, so I decided to go for it.
I got a pale blue one from the same brand, Grace Karin, for $26. Since this type of item is literally created to be voluminous, packing it in a suitcase was a challenge, but I figured it out eventually. I folded it up as small as it would get, stuffed it into a Ziploc bag, and stuffed that inside one of the packing cubes I had recently bought for just such an occasion. I had set aside one entire cube just for wedding clothes, so as to keep them separate from my regular clothes so I wouldn’t accidentally let Matt see them before the day itself.
The Manolos were a bit impractical, given that the temperature was starting to drop by the time our November wedding rolled around and the event itself took place in a park, where my heels kept sinking into the ground as I walked or stood – but I engaged some muscles I didn’t even know I had, and made it work! However, I did also have Matt stash my beloved Frye harness boots in their bag for me to change into after the ceremony. They looked surprisingly cute with the dress too!
The sash: The more I looked at my dress, the more I felt it should have some kind of belt. What can I say – I love a cinched waist! I considered getting this pale blue vintage leather Moschino belt, but it bugged me that it had gold hardware when all the other metallic tones in the outfit were silver. After a while, I opted instead to buy a 9-foot-by-2-inch length of pale blue satin ribbon to tie into a sash.
On the actual day, I looked up some YouTube tutorials on how to tie a wedding sash, but ultimately I abandoned them and just tied a regular bow, adjusting it until it looked right. I think it came out decently cute for a first try! (Should’ve practiced in advance, yes. Definitely.)
The cardigan: Due to the aforementioned dropping temperatures, I began to consider the possibility that I’d be too cold in just my wedding dress to truly enjoy myself at the event. This became even more of an issue once we settled on having a post-ceremony dinner on the patio of a nearby Italian restaurant, because (reasonably so) we and most of our guests weren’t too comfy with indoor dining, given the, y’know, public health crisis.
Just six days before the wedding, I ordered (secondhand through TheRealReal) this Tiffany-blue cashmere cardigan by Autumn Cashmere. I wanted something kind of dainty and feminine, but still warm enough to keep me cozy, and this fit the bill. I took it off for the actual ceremony, but wore it the rest of the time. I’ve worn it a bunch more times since then, too!
The bag: I didn’t strictly need a bag, and could have kept any personal items in Matt’s backpack (which they had to bring because it contained the marriage certificate, ceremony script, etc.), but hey, I’m a femme and I love bags. So I started looking around for one that would fit the vibe and color scheme of the event.
I’ve loved Rebecca Minkoff’s designs for years but had never owned anything from her, so I was excited when I saw this pale blue saffiano leather clutch of hers on TheRealReal. I love that it’s made to look like an envelope; it reminds me of love letters! The silver zipper-tooth edging also gives it a bit of toughness to balance out the delicate femininity of the color. I think all that was inside my bag during the wedding was my phone, my vows written out on notecards, some makeup items for touch-ups, and a bunch of Kleenex in case of crying!
The lingerie: I bought a set of white lacy lingerie from Avidlove for $20. The panties are high-waisted (very 1950s) and have a corset-esque lace-up panel in the back, which is why putting on my underwear was actually the part of getting dressed for my wedding that took the longest!
I ended up swapping out the bra for a blue one from Agent Provocateur. It felt more glamorous, gave me way better cleavage (look, we all have our own priorities!), matched my collar almost exactly, and had a connection to our romance because it’s part of a set Matt bought me as a financial domination task. I was worried it might show through the dress, because it’s a vivid royal blue, but the fabric was opaque enough that it didn’t turn out to be an issue.
The earrings: I wanted something pretty but very basic and not-cumbersome, since I don’t wear earrings all that often. The ones I went with are aquamarine-colored Swarovski crystals on a sterling silver backing, from an Etsy shop called UniqueGlassTreasures. Maybe one day I’ll get some real aquamarine ones…
The nails: My fingernails were painted with Revlon’s “To the Chapel” topped with Essie’s “Set in Stones.” The night before the wedding, Matt painted my toenails with Essie’s “Lacquered Up” while we watched TV. (Perks of having a foot fetishist spouse!)
The masks: Since we knew we’d have to wear masks for at least part of the day, we decided we should get fancy ones. I found these sequinned masks from AvaReignCreations on Etsy and totally fell in love. I got one for me in white and one for Matt in navy. Mine needed a little resizing, since I have a small-ish face, but fortunately all I had to do was tie a tiny knot at the end of each ear loop and it fit much better.
The makeup: Two of my fave beauty YouTubers, Jaclyn Hill and Lisa Eldridge, both have bridal makeup tutorials that I took a lot of cues from. For my eyes, I used a lot of different beige, brown, black, and nude shades from the LORAC Pro palette and the Morphe x Jaclyn Hill palette. (The latter has a shade called “S.B.N.” which stands for “smoky but natural,” because Jaclyn says when she was a professional makeup artist for hire, every bride seemed to ask for a look that was “smoky but natural”!) I did my usual black winged liner with MAC Liquidlast (the only thing I’ve tried that can truly stand up to my crying), and finished off the look with Sugarpill Saint false lashes.
I wore a Revlon foundation over a Bite Beauty primer. It was hard shopping for foundation during a pandemic – normally a makeup pro would test a bunch of different shades on your skin, but I didn’t feel comfy with that for hygienic reasons (and I’m not even sure if they’re still allowed to do that), so instead I just brought along my MAC concealer and matched it to a foundation at the drugstore, and it seems to have worked out fine. On top of those, I put some Laura Mercier translucent setting powder (holy grail for mattifying combo/oily skin!), Tarte blush in “Natural Beauty,” and Becca highlight in “Moonstone.” I contoured with NYX blush in “Taupe,” and set the whole thing with an ELF matte setting spray.
For my lips, first I filled them in with a red lip liner from the drugstore, and then I went over that with Tom Ford’s “Cherry Lush.” Matt and I both own and love this lipstick, and decided we both wanted to wear it to our wedding!
Matt’s outfit
The suit: This gorgeous navy suit is from Suitsupply. They wore it on our second date too, and I remember thinking, as we met up outside a Manhattan coffee shop, that I had never seen somebody look so handsome before! It’s made of wool and is really well-tailored, and it brings out the color of Matt’s eyes beautifully.
The shirt: One of the things I love about Matt is that they have an appreciation for fancy things, even when the fanciness won’t be noticeable to most people. This white Brooks Brothers dress shirt is exactly that sort of item. It has a really subtle herringbone pattern that’s only visible from up close, and adds a touch of luxury and style to what would otherwise be a pretty basic item.
The shoes: I love these shoes. Matt was wearing them on our first date and I commented on how shiny they were; little did I know, they were one of Matt’s favorite pairs, and one that they reach for when they want to feel fancy. They’re the Park Avenue oxfords by Allen Edmonds in the shade “Walnut.” Sometimes I wish I could pull off an oxford… Maybe someday!
The tie: Matt assigned me a task, a couple months before the wedding, to research some accessories they could wear for their outfit (ties, socks, pocket squares, etc.) and write a little bit about why each one would be a good pick. I had a few ties on my list (any other non-tie-wearing people weirdly love shopping for ties for loved ones?!), but one of my faves was this Liberty tie featuring white flowers on a pale blue background. I love that it’s an unconventional and somewhat androgynous choice, perfect for my offbeat nonbinary sweetheart.
The pocket square: Might be my favorite detail of the outfit! I was trawling TheRealReal and I stumbled across a secondhand silk Tiffany’s pocket square emblazoned with a blue and white map of Manhattan. It seemed like a perfect pick for my love, a long-time New Yorker and (as discussed) a big fan of subtly fancy details. Weirdly, I suggested this for Matt fully a month before I even knew my engagement ring was also going to be from Tiffany’s!
The socks: I picked out these navy and pink polka-dotted dress socks for Matt from the Tie Bar. They’re so much fun, and I love the way they subtly allude to the trans pride colors.
The makeup: Matt kept it really simple – just some Glossier Boy Brow on their brows, and Tom Ford lip liner in “Charge” under Tom Ford lipstick in “Cherry Lush.”
Whew! That was a lot of outfit details. If you feel like leaving a comment, I would love to know what your favorite parts of your wedding outfit were, or what items you’d like to wear to your wedding if you ever have one!
Up for some fashion-related fun, to distract us all from… the world? Here’s some of what I’ve been wearing lately…
This first outfit is the one I was wearing when Matt proposed to me, late last month. They picked it out themselves, modelling it almost exactly after what I was wearing on our first date. It was a great pick, because – as one would want for the night one gets engaged – it made me feel both beautiful and comfortable. Score!
The full-length photo was taken at the High Line about 5 minutes before they proposed. We stopped in front of an archway that was there as some kind of public art installation, and snapped some pics. I’m glad we have them now – they’re part of the history of our marriage! The other two photos were taken about an hour later at the outdoor rooftop bar where we went to celebrate post-proposal. In one of them, I’m on the phone with my mom to give her the good news – and we’re both probably about to burst out crying, natch!
What I’m wearing:
Black and red floral-print dress – bought at H&M years ago for $15
Black leather jacket – a hand-me-down from my cousin many years ago; the brand is Danier Leather and I really need to either replace it or get it repaired, because the lining is absolutely in tatters at this point from too much wear
Red and black cherry-print fabric mask – bought from the Etsy seller FickleFaerie back in April; I’ve bought/owned several more masks in the interim but this is the one I wear most often because it goes with most of my wardrobe
Black leather clutch with gold chain strap – I “made” Matt buy this for me from the Coach online outlet as a recent financial domination task, and I’ve been carrying it everywhere; it’s so cute, and the strap is removable, so you can carry it as a clutch/wristlet too!
Black leather Frye harness boots
Nails: Revlon’s “To the Chapel” (pale turquoisey-blue) topped with Essie’s “Set in Stones” (silver glitter) – I started growing out my nails weeks in advance because I knew I was gonna want to take lots of ring pics like an Instagram basic bitch, LOL
…& of course, my then-brand-new engagement ring, which is a Tiffany & Co. aquamarine Soleste ring with two little diamond halos – swoon-o-rama!
I wore this for an outdoor dinner date on a restaurant patio. It’s been interesting to observe all the various changes that restaurants have made in order to serve guests as safely as they can during this challenging time. My comfort level with dining out has gone up and down repeatedly throughout this pandemic as the case rates have waxed and waned (especially when I was back in Toronto where the rates have generally been lower), but during the periods when I’ve felt able to do it in good conscience, I’ve been glad to be able to help support local businesses in this way. It’s also been a rare opportunity to dress up and actually be seen by somebody… other than my internet friends/followers, that is. (Hi, I love you!)
What I’m wearing:
Black and silver glittery dress – H&M years ago
No bra, even though this dress really calls for one, because I was having the kind of chronic illness day where putting on a bra made me feel physically ill, so I took it off immediately (“No one’s going to make you wear one,” said Matt; “I’m certainly not going to!”)
Black V-neck cashmere cardigan – the Gap; worn to death because it truly goes with everything and is soooo cozy
Silver key & lock necklace – the lock is from L’Amour-Propre and has “Daddy’s” engraved on it; the key unlocks Matt’s current fave chastity cage (which they were wearing at the time); the chain is from Roma and was a gift from Matt because my previous one was extremely cheap and tarnished
Black leggings – American Eagle
The same fabric mask, harness boots, and black leather clutch as above
Since I’ve been staying in New York, I’ve been living out of a suitcase and not dressing very interestingly… so I was delighted when Shinesty reached out to ask if I’d like to be sent any of their pieces. They’re mostly known for their delightfully loud holiday prints on suits, dresses, and blazers, but my interest was immediately piqued when I spotted their selection of jumpsuits.
I’m not normally a “jumpsuit person,” per se, but I had a feeling this one would work, for some reason… and it does! I’m 5’4″ and usually a size 12, so I asked for a size L, and it fits great. The pant legs are basically capri-length on the tall models on the website, but on li’l old me, they’re nearly ankle-length – perf. The waist seam also hits me right at my actual waist, so the overall effect is very flattering. Plus – although you can’t really tell in these photos – this jumpsuit is surprisingly cleavage-y! It would be especially so if I could bring myself to wear a damn bra…
What I’m wearing:
Snowflake jumpsuit – Shinesty (they also sent me one that’s candy-cane print, but I haven’t tried it on yet)
Pale blue/seafoam cashmere cardigan – made by Autumn Cashmere and bought lightly used from TheRealReal to wear over my wedding dress (I will do a wedding outfit post eventually, just waiting on the photos!)
What have you loved wearing recently, babes? (It’s fully okay if the answer is “exclusively comfy T-shirts/lounge pants/slippers/etc.” – trust me, I feel you.)
P.S. Want to see more posts like this? Check out the “outfit” tag!
Cute tops help me feel like a human even when my body isn’t cooperating. I’ve recently sought out soft lace-edged tank tops as a replacement for the oversized T-shirts I tend to rock with my lounge pants, because any little thing I can do to feel more femme is helpful when I’m achy and insecure.
Cashmere sweaters are super comforting and cozy. They especially help me when cold weather is causing pain flare-ups; one day I’d love to own a pair of cashmere leggings for similar reasons (feel free to recommend some in the comments!). My favorites right now are by J. Crew but it’s pretty easy to find vintage cashmere for a steal on eBay, Etsy, Depop, etc.
Jumpsuits and rompers are best for those days when I just can’t be bothered with separates. My favorites are by MeUndies, whose rompers are so sinfully soft that they’re even comfier than being naked (for my body, anyway). And they have pockets. Incredible.
Shorter hair
Blue satin Louboutins
Fabric face masks
My engagement and wedding rings
Agent Provocateur lingerie
Vintage silk floral-print robe
Red heart-shaped glasses
False eyelashes
I wore this for an outdoor dinner date on a restaurant patio. It’s been interesting to observe all the various changes that restaurants have made in order to serve guests as safely as they can during this challenging time. My comfort level with dining out has gone up and down repeatedly throughout this pandemic as the case rates have waxed and waned (especially when I was back in Toronto where the rates have generally been lower), but during the periods when I’ve felt able to do it in good conscience, I’ve been glad to be able to help support local businesses in this way. It’s also been a rare opportunity to dress up and actually be seen by somebody… other than my internet friends/followers, that is. (Hi, I love you!)