How-To

Doing kink stuff in public is a hotly debated practice. Some say it ropes strangers into your activities without their consent; others say it’s harmless and fine. I fall somewhere in the middle: I think it’s okay as long as it’s subtle enough that it’s likely to go unnoticed by those who don’t know what to look for.

If you’re in a relationship that involves dominance and submission, there are few better situations for playing with those kinks publicly than a dinner date. Like any romantic date, dinner out together can help build anticipation and excitement for sex that might come later. Dinner dates also feature some interaction with other people (e.g. hosts, servers) but not a ton, so you can remain in your little two-person bubble for most of the night even though you’re out in public. Low-lit restaurants make a great backdrop for subtle, blink-and-you-might-miss-it kink games.

As a submissive whose boyfriend is a fine-food fan and a fellow pervert, I’ve been on many kink-tinged dinner dates as of late. Here are 5 of my favorite ways to play with D/s while out to dinner with a dominant!

The dominant chooses the submissive’s outfit. Get the kinky fun started before you even leave the house! Letting someone else choose your ensemble is vulnerable, because you’re trusting them with your self-presentation, and you’ll be wearing that outfit all night. Giving the dominant this degree of control also works well if they prefer the date location to be a surprise; the submissive won’t know the appropriate way to dress but the dominant will. If you want, you can play with clothing as bondage: for example, as Siren Vandoll points out, tight clothing or high heels can restrict the submissive’s movement in a way both partners might appreciate. Getting dressed before the date is also a good time to put a collar or other symbol of ownership on the submissive, so both partners can enjoy the sight of it all night.

The dominant holds onto the submissive’s wallet, phone, keys, or another important object. I discovered the joys of this power-play last summer, when my then-dominant would sometimes keep my phone and debit card in his pocket while we grocery-shopped together if I didn’t feel like schlepping my whole big purse to the store. We initially did this purely for practicality’s sake, but I immediately noticed how it deepened our power differential: I had to ask him every time I wanted to look my phone or buy anything, so he had a ton of real-world control over me. Taking a submissive’s phone away for the evening could also be a fun way to “punish” them for being too distractible on dates, if they consent to that type of discipline.

The dominant defines and enforces “table protocol” at the restaurant. This is a fantastic way to reinforce your dynamic within the structure of a meal out. Some examples of potential table protocols you could instate: the submissive pulls out the dominant’s chair for them; the submissive doesn’t sit until the dominant does (and stands up every time they do); the dominant orders the submissive’s food and drinks; the dominant gets the first taste of the submissive’s food and/or drinks; the submissive must eat without ruining their lipstick; the submissive keeps the dominant’s water glass topped up… or whatever else your pervy little minds dream up! Keep in mind that this stuff should be pre-negotiated (as should everything in this post, really), because one or both partners might have a history of disordered eating or another past trauma that could make some of these protocols difficult or inadvisable.

The dominant sends the submissive to the bathroom with instructions. Maybe their task is to take a series of dirty photos and text them to the dominant; maybe it’s to remove their underwear and surreptitiously give them to the dominant upon their return; maybe it’s to touch themselves until they’re super turned on and then come back without finishing the job. (Wash your hands, please.) It’s probably best to avoid anything that could get you arrested or will result in a long lineup of other patrons waiting to use the bathroom, but hey, what happens in the bathroom stall stays in the bathroom stall.

The dominant and submissive use a remote-controlled sex toy together. This one’s a little riskier, depending on how good the submissive is at maintaining a “poker face”… Remotely controllable sex toys like the We-Vibe Sync are ideal for discreet public play if you’re into that. The dominant can enable and control the toy from their phone, or with a remote. It’s best to save this one for interludes when other people aren’t interacting with you, so you’re not involving them, such as after your food has arrived or in the taxi home after dinner. If you play your cards right, the outing will end with both of you totally turned on and ready for more explicit private play.

What’s your favorite way to infuse a little kink into a dinner date?

Heads up: this post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.