How-To

Top 5 Winter Sex Saviours

Kate Sloan

If you’re in the northern hemisphere, be very, very afraid: winter is coming!

I don’t know about you, but I truly hate being cold. Not only does it make me miserable, but it tends to suck the libido right out of me – because who wants to shiver uncomfortably throughout an activity that’s supposed to be hot and fun? Not me.

As a girl who lives on the icy third floor of a house in Canada, here are my top tips for keeping warm while having sex in the wintertime.

1. A good duvet. The great thing about duvets is that they work by reflecting your body heat back at you – so actually, I find that they work best when I’m naked! And of course, this effect is doubled if there’s another naked body under the duvet with me. Goose or duck down is standard, and super warm, but if you hate the thought of using an animal for personal gain, they make artificial varieties as well.

2. Socks or slippers. I know, I know. Wearing socks during sex is seen as pretty much the dorkiest thing ever. I don’t give a fuck. Studies show that having cold feet cuts your chances of reaching orgasm, and I’ve found this to be true. Frankly, no one’s looking at my feet during sex anyway!

Socks are extra important when you’re receiving oral sex, because you can’t exactly cover yourself in the duvet and leave your partner to suffocate underneath. My standard trick is to wrap only my upper body in the duvet, and wear warm socks (double- or triple-layered, if necessary). My thighs and calves might get a little chilly, but that’s not a big deal.

3. A space heater. I’m told that these are bad for the environment, because they use a lot of energy, so I do my best to use them sparingly. I’ll turn on my little space heater for about an hour, with the door closed to lock in the heat, and then turn it off to save power. The room stays warm-ish for another couple of hours, and it makes a huge difference.

You can even have sex next to the heater, if you’re really freezing… but be aware that this might dry out your condom, if you’re using one, potentially leading to breakage.

4. Fairy lights, also known as Christmas lights. You know, those ones that you string up on your tree in December? I don’t have strong feelings about Christmas trees, but I do love the lights. They’re dim, sweet, romantic. Even if there’s a snowstorm going on outside, my bedroom feels somehow quaint and welcoming if it’s adorned in fairy lights.

(Even better? Wrap your naked body in a string of lights and wait for your partner to get home!)

5. Massage oil. I’m a fan of sensual massages, either as foreplay or after-play, and I don’t know about you, but massages are more of a winter thing than a summer thing for me.

You can use straight-up massage oil warmed up in your hands, or if you’re reeeeal smooth, you can have a candle or a bowl of warm water at the ready to help you heat the bottle of oil before you use it. The contrast of cool air and a partner’s warm hands is almost too impossibly sexy to handle. And relaxing, too!

What are your favorite tricks for staying sexy in the wintertime?

Wanking on the Rag: A Squeamish Masturbator’s Guide

Kate Sloan

I love to masturbate. Um, of course I do, I write about sex toys. But I mean, beyond just doing it for the physical pleasure of it, I also enjoy it mentally and emotionally: it’s a way for me to recharge, to unwind, to be good to myself.

So it sucks that there’s one week every month where masturbating is more mess than it’s worth. Or is it?

Here are some of my top tips for jerking off when you’re bleeding. Some of them are overlaps from my post on menstrual sex, but solo sex is worth honoring, too!

1. Choose a nonporous toy. If your collection includes toys made of jelly, TPR, CyberSkin, etc. (shame!), skip them for the time being. You can always use a condom over them, which you should be doing all the time anyway, but it would be best to just bite the bullet and upgrade to a toy you can use safely during your period.

Many of my toys have been subjected to menstrual blood, including my all-white Ella and my beloved Pure Wand. Nonporous toys should wash totally clean with a little soap and water, and the non-mechanical, waterproof ones can be boiled to sanitize. I do have one jelly toy left over from my ignorant days, which I never use anymore – but if I did, I’d leave it alone during my period. Bloody bacteria growing in toy pores = gross!

2. Buy yourself a blood towel. It should ideally be dark-colored and large. Hell, buy two, especially if you’re a squirter. Every time you masturbate or have sex during your period, lay out the towel underneath you so you can have at it without worrying about a mess.

If you’ve got the cash, why not spring for a red Liberator Throe? I can’t think of a better way to honor your divine reproductive essence while keeping your sheets clean! (On a related note, if anyone would like to buy/send me a Throe, please get in touch…!)

3. Investigate alternative menstrual products. Jade and Pearl make sea sponges which you can stuff up your vag at moon-time. They make it possible to be penetrated without mess, whether by a partner or by your own fingers or toys.

I also have a wide variety of menstrual cups which I use for everyday period wear. Depending on the cup, I may be able to penetrate myself shallowly or not at all while wearing one, but they’re great if you just want to masturbate clitorally.

4. Stay away from your cervix. Some folks get very sensitive while they’re bleeding, especially in the cervix area. If this is true for you, try a toy that’s squishier, shorter, or focuses on your G-spot rather than the far reaches of your vagina.

If you really crave a good pounding, maybe take an ibuprofen half an hour before attempting it, and avoid hard materials like glass and steel. Flexible silicone will be your best bet during this time.

5. Think of orgasms as painkillers. Sometimes, when I’m on my period, I feel miserable and achy and have no desire to jerk off. My cramps get so bad that I just want to lie on the couch and watch bad TV. But then I remind myself that I’ll feel better if I force myself to have an orgasm – and guess what? I always do.

It doesn’t have to be a big production. If you’re feeling too sore or lazy for penetration, don’t bother with it. Just grab your favorite clit toy and get off in a way that’s comfortingly familiar to you. You may not feel terribly enthused at first, but power through it if you can: there’s a good chance your cramps will ease up if you can make yourself come.

Jerking off can be a very healing and affirming thing to do during your period, a time when we’re most likely to have complicated relationships with our genitalia. Stop worrying about the mess and just be good to yourself!

Ask Girly Juice: Handjobs For Everyone!

Kate Sloan

Anonymous asked: How do I give a good handjob?

Hey Anon, you’re in luck! I’m actually a bit of a handjob aficionado. I attended a workshop on the subject a few months ago, and since then, it’s been one of my favorite sexual acts – and if my boyfriend’s reactions are any indication, I’m pretty good with my hands.

The instructor at the workshop I attended stressed that the three most important elements of a good handjob are lube, variety, and pressure.

Lube is crucial for most guys. Some men, especially uncircumcised ones, won’t require lube to enjoy a handjob, but it provides a different and pleasant sensation that they may not replicate very often when they’re alone, so it’s worth including even if it’s not strictly necessary. My favorite lube for handjobs is Pjur Original Bodyglide – it was the recommended choice at the workshop I went to, and has turned out to be brilliant for this purpose.

Variety is very important because it’s something that most men don’t typically give themselves when they masturbate. I mean, think about it – when you get your own rocks off, you probably mainly focus on the one or two or three techniques that definitely work, without taking any time to experiment. A handjob shouldn’t be a step-by-step re-creation of what the guy does when he’s alone; it should be a re-imagination of what a hand can do to a penis. Mix it up, try different strokes, pay attention to his reactions!

Pressure isn’t a big deal to my boyfriend (he’s uncut and way more sensitive than most guys, so he prefers a looser grip), but most guys are into it. I read a study about the various sexual complaints that men and women have about each other, and one of them was that many men wish women would use more pressure. Don’t employ a vice grip (unless that’s what he likes!) but don’t be afraid to squeeze a little.

One useful trick I’ve learned: establish with your partner that “10” means the pressure is perfect, a lower number means your grip is too weak, and a higher number means you’re choking his dick. Periodically check in with him, asking him to rate the pressure on that scale. It won’t take long for you to learn what his happy medium feels like.

Remember that foreplay and build-up are not just for women – many men like that stuff too! It’s more than okay to spend several minutes teasing his nipples, thighs, pubic mound, balls, lower shaft, etc. before going for the gold. This will increase his sensitivity before you even really get started, making for a more intense eventual climax.

I asked my boyfriend what he values in a handjob, and he said he loves it when I delay the orgasm. As I said before, a handjob should be an exploration of techniques your man might miss when he’s in control of his own stimulation – and since my fella takes a maximum of five minutes to jerk off, I usually try to stave off his ejaculation for at least ten minutes. I build him up to the plateau phase, then back off and do some less intense techniques for a while, like ball-play or stroking his shaft – and then I do it all over again, a few times. This leads to a way more intense orgasm in the end.

Also, keep in mind that there are lots of things you can do to enhance his experience, other than just stroking his cock. I love giving handjobs so much that I usually end up humping my man’s thigh and moaning by the end of it, and he is totally into that. A little dirty talk can work wonders as well. Again, it’s all about giving him what masturbation can’t.

Hope that helps! The skill of giving handjobs is one that’s hard to master and way too much fun.

Ask Girly Juice: How to Prepare for Losing Your Virginity

Kate Sloan

Anonymous asked: I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together for several months now. We’re both virgins, and we both want to eventually have sex with each other – but I’m scared and not sure what to expect. How can I prepare myself, emotionally and physically?

Kudos, Anonymous! Few young people give their “first time” the attention and preparation it deserves, and that’s why so many people report lacklustre experiences. Your eagerness to get educated will definitely bode well for you in the bedroom!

First, it’s important to learn about making sex safe. The best way is to talk to your doctor about your options, if you feel comfortable doing that – and if you don’t, you should switch doctors!

If you’re planning on going on hormonal birth control, get a prescription for that from your doctor (or a contraceptive clinic in your city, which you can find by Googling). You’ll generally be instructed to take the first one on the first day of your next period. After that, it will take about a week to kick in. Make sure you give yourself enough time for all this to happen; don’t rush into anything.

Buy some condoms, or acquire some at birth control clinics where they’re often distributed for free. Basic, normal, lubricated ones are probably your best bet for now. Once you’re comfortable having sex, you can explore other options –there’s a whole world of fancy condoms out there!

Have a look through a sex ed website geared toward young people, like Scarleteen.com, or SexIsFun.net’s Teen Site, or a good sex guidebook, like Sex Is Fun: Creative Ideas for Exciting Sex or The Guide to Getting It On. Thoroughly read any parts that you think might be useful for you. Take notes, if you’d like. Tell your boyfriend about anything interesting or unexpected that you come across, whether it’s something you definitely want to try or desperately want to avoid.

Talk to your boyfriend! Communication is the most important element of a healthy sexual relationship. Discuss what your expectations are. Set your boundaries. Make sure that he will stop or slow down immediately if you tell him to do so. I doubt I even need to tell you this, but never, ever have sex with someone you don’t trust to stop if you tell them to.

Get to know yourself sexually, if you haven’t already. This means: masturbate, and learn about your own sexual response. If you’re comfortable with your anatomy and the way you respond to sexual stimulation, you will be leaps and bounds more confident in the bedroom. Check out an online sex shop if you’re in need of some mechanical assistance.

It’s very important that you be well-lubricated when you have sex. This is especially true when it’s your first time, because wetness will lessen any pain significantly. Don’t just jump right into it; start with a lot of foreplay so you’ll be very warmed up by the time you get to the actual penetration. If you don’t have much natural wetness, use a water-based lubricant. Put it around your vaginal opening and all over the head of his penis, over the condom.

When it’s time, try to relax. Have a towel or something similar underneath you incase there’s blood, or other messy fluids. Depending on the size and state of your hymen, you might experience a lot of pain or none at all; be prepared for either, but try not to be too nervous. If you love and trust your boyfriend, and you know that he loves and respects you, you should feel confident that you can have him stop at any time, and that knowledge ought to help relax you.

Don’t expect your first time to be awesome. Most aren’t. However, you already have an advantage that a lot of people don’t: you’re going to lose your virginity to someone you trust.

If you don’t adore sex right away, don’t sweat it. As with most things, it gets better with practice. As sex guru Dr. Sue Johanson says, “Sex is perfectly natural, but not naturally perfect.”

10 Juicy Challenges for Masturbation Month

Kate Sloan

Yes, it’s finally here! May is Masturbation Month. Pull out your bullets and eggs. Plug in your Hitachi. Lube up your dildo. Get ready to come! And if you feel like mixing up your routine, here are some ways you can challenge yourself to masturbate better, stronger, faster. I’ll certainly be trying these out and I hope you will too! Feel free to report back in the comments section.

1. Switch up your timing. Are you a let’s-get-‘er-done masturbator? If so, take the time to tease yourself up to a long, slow climax. Alternatively, if you’re already slow at jerkin’ it, try to break your personal record. Can you get off in under five minutes? How about one minute?

2. Switch up your stimulus. Whatever you use to “warm yourself up,” whether it be porn, erotica, light teasing touches, or nothing at all, I want you to try out a new method that you’ve barely dabbled in before. See how it affects your sexual response.

3. Switch up your tools. If you are a vibrator-only type of gal, I want you to work at using your fingers to get yourself off this month! Also consider trying out completely new-to-you textures and materials – a ribbed glass dildo, a clit pump, an oscillating massager, whatever works! Never tried a sex toy before? Now is the time!

4. Switch up your location. Get out of bed, ditch your computer chair, and go find a spot that’s a little more challenging. I’m not suggesting you whip it out in front of a crowd of schoolchildren, but maybe you could get busy with yourself on a rooftop, in a friend’s bathroom, in a sketchy porn shop viewing booth, or up in a tree. The possibilities are endless. And hey, if you’ve never masturbated in the bath before, try it, it’s great.

5. Switch up your method. That one technique that works for you and gets you off every time? Throw it out the window for a little while. See if you can find something that works just as well. MyMasturbation.com has zillions of techniques listed, if you’re at a loss!

6. Switch up your thinking. Do you think of masturbation as strictly utilitarian, like I (sometimes) do? Maybe start viewing it as a way of honouring your body for all that it does for you. Or as a way of thanking the universe for giving you the ability to feel pleasure. Or as a way to be self-sufficient and to not need anyone else to turn your crank for you.

7. Switch up your audience. Is your teddy bear the only one who gets to see you jerk off? Maybe you should do something about that. Cam4 and similar sites can feel a bit off-putting at first, because of the hordes of voyeuristic straight guys who will shout commands at you… but if you just ignore them and put on a show (which doesn’t have to feature your face at all), you may find that you enjoy playing to a crowd.

8. Switch up your fantasies. If you’re not sure where to start with this one, I highly recommend picking up a book of kinky erotica – they’re full of fresh ideas. You could also just pick a celebrity you find extremely sexy and imagine them fucking you in a variety of creative ways…

9. Switch up your inhibitions. I want you to talk to at least one person about masturbation this month – one person you’ve never spoken to about this subject before. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and the more we open up about it like it’s nothing, the more it’ll start to feel that way for everyone. Even if you just tell a new friend about a nifty sex toy you saw online, that’s still a step in the right (sex-positive) direction!

10. Switch up your orgasms. Ever tried to have multiple orgasms? How about a G-spot orgasm? Squirting? Prostate play (if you’re a fella)? Ever wondered if you can come from extended nipple stimulation? Or from squeezing your thighs together? Or from thought alone? There are so many ways to orgasm, and most of us limit ourselves to only one or two orgasmic avenues. Branch out!

Readers: How will you be challenging your masturbatory habits this month? Let us know how it goes!