How-To

5 Ways to Explore Exhibitionism While Social-Distancing

Kate Sloan

As I’ve said before, one of the (seemingly very few) silver linings of the current global pandemic is that those of us privileged enough to be able to stay home will now have more time for sex, pleasure, and exploration – at least, if our libidos manage to overcome the anxiety we’re all feeling!

You could, for example, use this time to lean into any exhibitionistic impulses you’ve been harboring. Sometimes feeling desirable is the best cure for a low mood. Lucky for you, I’ve got some suggestions for ways to show off sexually without ever leaving your house!

Start with sexting. If you haven’t yet discovered the joys of adult live chat, now’s the time! When exchanging sexts with a sweetie, turn up the exhibitionism dial by sending them pictures that demonstrate just how much they’re turning you on (with consent, of course) or even just by describing how you’re touching yourself and how you look at that moment. This is a fairly low-pressure way to ease into exhibitionism if that’s a direction you’re interested in moving in.

Perform in front of a mirror. Your exhibitionism is just as valid if you’re the only voyeur! In fact, some people even prefer it that way. Set the mood however you like – sexy music, low lighting, incense, self-massage, and so on – and then go to town on yourself, either with toys or just with your hands. (I will add that now is an especially good time to put effort into sex toy hygiene! I know a popular male cam model who uses rubbing alcohol to keep his toys free of bacteria, but you don’t have to go that far – a thorough scrubdown with soap and water should be fine for nonporous toys, even if you plan to put them in your mouth.)

Put on a cam show. No, you don’t have to look like – or perform like – the best live webcam girls to put on a very sexy show! An intimate cam performance for one spectator, especially one you know well and are attracted to, often has quite a different vibe from the more well-known, professional variety. If you’re not sure what to do, ask your beau if they’d like to watch you get yourself off. Then you can stage a spectacle involving a drawn-out striptease, seductive self-touch all over your body, a thorough fucking with sex toys, or whatever else you please. And hey, if you end up loving the experience and want to start putting on shows for groups and/or strangers, there are lots of places online to do that!

Send someone audio of your orgasm. The way you sound while you’re coming is probably super hot, even if you personally don’t think so! Use the voice memo function on your phone – or, if you’re fancy, a proper microphone and recording software – to record yourself getting off, and then send out the audio to any sweetheart or crush who enthusiastically consents to hear it. This can be a fun follow-up to an earlier sexting convo (“Wanna hear how hard I got off while re-reading your words?”), a follow-through on a kinky assignment (“I jerked off the way you wanted me to, Madame – here’s proof!”), or an out-of-the-blue lust-bomb.

Take thirst traps. Look, you’ve probably got time to kill at the moment – may as well spend it shooting nudes ‘n’ lewds if you are that way inclined. This could even be a self-care and self-love ritual of sorts, at a time when those things are very much needed. You could take a long, luxurious bath or shower, get dressed up and/or dolled up so you feel as foxy as possible, and then document the moment with your phone or camera. Depending on your comfort level, you may want to share the pics with one or two people, no one at all, or the entire internet – you can elicit that exhibitionistic rush either way!

Have you been engaging in any of these exhibitionistic behaviors while social-distancing? How’s it going?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Quarantine Challenge: Try a New Sex Thing

Kate Sloan

If you – like so many of us – have effectively locked yourself into your own home because of the current global pandemic situation, I commend you. Social distancing is a smart and life-saving measure, difficult though it may be.

Articles abound on the internet right now about things to do while in quarantine, whether said quarantine is self-imposed or imposed by health officials or even your country’s government. I think that’s great – people are obviously very anxious right now, and being given explicit instructions or suggestions for what to do is (for me at least) often helpful when you’re distraught.

Since this is ostensibly a sex blog, I have some suggestions for things you could try if you find yourself cooped up at home, either with a partner or just by yourself. (Or, I mean, if you have a roommate who you think is both hot and chill, maybe they’d want to join in?!) Try these if you’re feeling bored, horny, ‘n’ exploratory…

Have lots of orgasms! Studies show orgasms reduce stress and boost your immunity, two effects we both sorely need right now. If it helps to think of this process as purely medicinal rather than erotic, then do that – I understand this isn’t exactly the most arousing time in history! I find big, strong vibrators are my best companion when I just want to crank out a climax. If you choose to order a new sex toy in these trying times, I strongly suggest you look into buying from your local indie sex shop if you have one – their income, like that of many small businesses right now, has probably taken a nosedive.

Work up to something big. While your housemates are cleaning out their closets or drafting the next Great American Novel, maybe you could work on your own magnum opus: your hungry holes! You could use toys or your hand to explore gentle stretching sensations the likes of which you’d feel if you were getting fisted, for example. If you’ve ever wanted to get into butt stuff but been too nervous or too tight, good news – you’ve probably got lots of time to spare now. So pull out those anal sex toys (ones with a flared base only, please), slather ’em in lube, and sloooowly acclimatize yourself to the sensation. (Remember, though: scientists say one of the coronavirus transmission routes is fecal-oral, so please, for the love of god, wash your hands when you’re done… which you should’ve been doing anyway.)

Fuck on drugs. I don’t know if you’re lucky enough to live (as I do) in a place where marijuana is legal and easily obtainable, for example, but if you happen to have a decent stockpile of your intoxicant of choice, maybe now’s the time to bust some out for sexy purposes. After all, you can’t exactly have a 6-hour edible-fuelled fuck-fest on a Tuesday under normal circumstances – but these aren’t normal circumstances. (That said, I would caution you to avoid drugs that you suspect will make you feel anxious and paranoid, since, y’know, we’re all already feeling that way all the time now.)

Make hand-washing sexy. There are infinite ways you could do this, from buying decadent moisturizing hand soap to putting a photo of your favorite hot celebrity above the sink with a drawn-on speech bubble that says “Scrub those hands for me, you beautiful bitch.” If you have a dominant (or can find one on, like, Twitter – there are a lot of horny/lonely/bored people out there right now!), maybe they could boss you via text into washing your hands more, or give you rewards for doing so.

Investigate a new-to-you porn genre. Some people are like, “When I retire, I’m going to really dive into the work of the classic Russian novelists,” but we’re pervs in a crisis, so we’re more like, “You know, I’ve always wondered what clown fetish porn was like…!” Just please make sure to pay independent porn creators for their work. (Here’s a beautiful video of me giving a blowjob that you can rent if you’re so inclined…)

What sexual thoughts and fantasies are on your mind in these trying times, if any?

5 Kinky Ways to Use a Fleshlight

Kate Sloan

If I had my way, I would buy a Fleshlight for every dick-possessing person I ever date. I can’t definitively say that they’re the best strokers on the market, seeing as I don’t have a penis and wouldn’t be able to exhaustively test the whole field even if I did, but they’re definitely the best-known brand making this type of product. They’ve done a lot, in and of themselves, to both destigmatize the idea of men masturbating and make masturbation more pleasurable for folks with penises, and that’s worth celebrating.

However, you know me – I’m a pervert. So here is a list of ways you can use your Fleshlight to do some very kinky shit.

 

Forced orgasm play

The term “forced orgasm” is often used about people with vulvas, but dicks can certainly be “forced” to come, too, whether you prefer to call this process “cock-milking” or some other colorful phrase of your choosing. There are certain attachments and tools that enable a Fleshlight to stroke up and down all on its own (see this Fleshlight Launch review for one example) but you can also just do it manually, ideally to a partner who is tied down or otherwise immobilized and cannot fight the onslaught of pleasure you’re giving them. 😈

 

Cum-eating

Avert your eyes if you’ve got a sensitive stomach… Eating cum – whether it’s your own or that of a partner – is a biiiig fetish for many people. Sometimes it’s linked to humiliation, since consuming bodily fluids can be “degrading” if you choose to view it as such, but sometimes it’s just framed as an act of worship: slurping down someone’s semen sure demonstrates how much you revere that person and what comes out of them! You may be able to scoop or pour the cum out of your Fleshlight if it’s fresh, or you could mix it with a little water to make it easier to, um, imbibe.

 

Oral sex practice

Do you have a fantasy about being so submissive that you’re not allowed to come before you’ve satisfied your partner? You don’t actually have to have a partner present to act out some form of this scenario. Some Fleshlights are made to look hyper-realistic on the outside (check out this review of the available Fleshlight Girls sleeves to see what I mean), so you can lick and suck your imagined partner’s bits to your heart’s content before you allow yourself to use the toy in the more conventional way.

 

Exhibitionism & voyeurism

Fleshlight makes a line of translucent-bordering-on-transparent products which I, for one, find highly tantalizing to watch in action. You get to see the cock therein as it gets harder and perhaps comes inside the toy – yum. Whether you’re watching your partner jerk off or just enjoying the sight of your own anatomy and arousal, this might just be the best show in town!

 

Rewards & punishments

If you’re into chastity play, maybe your partner could keep your Fleshlight under lock and key so you only get to use it when you’ve earned an orgasm by enduring a certain amount of abstinence. Or maybe, on the flipside, it could be an erotically humiliating punishment to “have to” use a Fleshlight to get off if your dominant partner won’t deign to offer up their own orifices. Either offer could be plenty motivating!

Even the purchasing of a stroker itself can be a reward in the context of a kink scene (or, if you wanna be extra creative, a punishment). For instance, my partner and I once had a long-running “scene” of sorts, in which they could eventually earn the right to buy themselves a very pricey sex toy by completing a bunch of tasks in several different categories. These encompassed everything from self-care (e.g. get a manicure, learn a new makeup technique from a YouTube tutorial) to financial or moral tasks (e.g. donate money to a particular political organization, make calls on behalf of a progressive political campaign to help sway an important vote) to service-oriented tasks (e.g. update my website, send me dinner) to more directly sexual tasks (e.g. make me come 5 times). You can look through a website that sells Fleshlights together, such as JOUJOU Adult Toys, and gently tease them about how you’re planning on using the toy when it finally arrives… which will make it all the more sweet and exciting when the stroker finally shows up on your doorstep, ready to be co-opted for all your various nefarious plans and schemes. [insert evil dom laugh here]

 

Do you ever use strokers in kinky ways? How so?

 

This post was sponsored by MySexToyGuide.com – check out their guide on how to find the best Fleshlight! – and also contains an additional sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How to Do Solo Foreplay

Kate Sloan

Many of my sex educator friends despise the term “foreplay.” The way it’s traditionally used, it refers to any sexual activities that precede intercourse, from kissing to dry-humping to oral sex. This definition is problematic for so many reasons: it leaves out queer and trans people, as well as people who can’t or don’t want to have penetrative sex (for reasons medical, psychological, and otherwise), while devaluing and de-emphasizing sex acts that many people enjoy and find wholly satisfying all on their own. (My sex life, for one, is deeply enriched by self-contained oral sex sessions!) This conception of foreplay also implies that sex is a scripted endeavor that must unfold in a particular order without deviation. Overall, it leaves a lot of people unsatisfied and forgotten.

While many high school teachers forbid their students from using Wikipedia as a source for assignments, I’m a grown-up so I can quote Wiki as much as I like, and their definition of foreplay, being crowd-sourced, is pleasingly inclusive: “Foreplay is a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity. Although foreplay is typically understood as physical sexual activity, nonphysical activities, such as mental or verbal acts, may in some contexts be foreplay. Foreplay can mean different things to different people.” (Emphasis mine.) YES, Wikipedia!! This is the definition I want you to keep in mind as you read this post.

I’m enthralled by foreplay as a concept, particularly since reading Emily Nagoski’s book Come As You Are a few years ago and learning that I have what’s called “responsive desire”: I usually don’t get turned on until sexual stimulation – physical, mental, or ideally both – is already happening. Nagoski posits in her book that women’s desire is likelier to be responsive, while men’s is likelier to arise more spontaneously – though these are, of course, just over-arching trends and not set-in-stone rules. But maybe these tendencies are to blame for the cultural perception that foreplay is something women need and that men could take or leave. Nothing is ever that simple when it comes to sexuality (and where the hell does that narrative leave trans and non-binary people?!).

In any case, today we’re going to talk about solo foreplay, i.e. providing yourself with your own foreplay. The way I see it, there are 3 main reasons a person might like to do this:

  1. As a prelude to masturbation, to make it more pleasurable, decadent, romantic, momentous, etc., rather than just hopping into the action immediately.
  2. As a replacement for foreplay with your partner, perhaps because the foreplay you do with them is unsatisfactory in some way (in which case, I would recommend discussing that with them when you feel able to do so), because you have a limited time window in which to have sex with them (e.g. the 20 minutes between them getting home from work and the two of you having to leave for a family function) and you want to make the most of it, or because you’re feeling submissive and have been commanded (or have offered) to get yourself turned on before your partner arrives, so they can “use you.” 😏
  3. As a supplement to foreplay with your partner, to make the whole sexual encounter more pleasurable and exciting for you.

Whatever your reasons for actively turning yourself on, having the ability to do so can feel highly empowering – especially for people who have been socialized to believe that their arousal is someone else’s job to conjure up. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be, and you’re denying yourself a vast range of wonderful experiences if you depend solely on your partner to get you revved up!

With that in mind, here are some suggestions for ways you can stoke your own fire, so to speak:

Eliminate stressors, as much as possible. Stress has an actual physiological effect on your ability to get aroused, so – while you may not be able to tune out every little thing that’s making you anxious or sad – try to set the stage for a stress-free session of sensuality. I find that even just tidying up my room, putting on some relaxing music, and turning off my phone can help me breathe a sigh of sweet relief.

Fantasize. Let your inner perversions run wild! Recall a sexy memory. Imagine fucking your favorite fictional character. If you’re planning to have sex later, this step could be as simple as vividly picturing (or even sexting about) what you hope will happen. See where your dirty mind takes you!

Watch porn or read erotica. This is my go-to when I just don’t have the focus, energy, or creativity for fantasizing. If you’re nerdy like me, you may even want to start keeping a document or spreadsheet of the links that turn you on the most – whether they’re amateur blowjob clips, hypno erotica, or Brooklyn Nine-Nine fanfiction – so you can return to them whenever you need a reliable libido boost.

Use an arousal gel. These are topical products meant to be applied to the genitals (they are usually designed for clits, but can feel good on penises too!) to encourage bloodflow to the area through the use of mild tingling or warming ingredients. Promescent’s Female Arousal Gel, for instance, contains peppermint, which will certainly get your blood pumping! I find that these make me more sensitive, too, often resulting in longer and stronger orgasms.

Touch yourself, even just non-sexually (although sexual touch is lovely too!). Massage your aching muscles with a wand vibrator. Moisturize your whole body while gently kneading out the knots of tension. Grab a good lube and massage your nipples, the area around your genitals, and your genitals themselves – slowly and methodically, noticing how everything feels.

Try a little pain. This is totally optional, since not everyone finds pain sexy, but it can encourage bloodflow and greater sensitivity, so it’s worth a shot! You can slap, scratch, or pinch your skin, or experiment with nipple clamps, Wartenberg wheels, and other instruments of sadomasochism. Straight-up pleasure is nice, but pain can feel delicious too!

And finally… Don’t put pressure on yourself to get super turned on, or have an orgasm, or look hot while doing it, or anything. The traditional concept of foreplay paints it as a goal-oriented on-ramp, but sometimes it can just be play. If it leads to more, great! If not, great! Solo play is about getting in touch with your own body and your own pleasure, however that manifests for you.

Do you ever do your own foreplay? What are your favorite methods?

 

This post was sponsored by the wonderful folks at Promescent, who recently released a new collection of lubricants as well as a pepperminty arousal gel that I think lots of you would enjoy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

What to Wear on Valentine’s Day

Kate Sloan

Not to get too Hallmark on you, but I kind of love Valentine’s Day. Unlike when I was younger, my enjoyment of this weird invented holiday no longer depends entirely on my partnered-vs.-non-partnered status at the time (although that is a factor) – mostly I just view Feb. 14th as an opportunity to celebrate the very notion of love. And what better way to do that than by dressing like a walking embodiment of romance?

As you can see from the collage of my past Valentine’s outfits above, there are some common themes in my overall philosophy for Valentine’s Day dressing… While you are (obviously) not in the least obligated to follow any of these directives, here are my core commandments for assembling a Valentine’s outfit, whether your plan is an over-the-top candlelit dinner with your sweetheart, a raucous “Galentine’s” celebration with some friends, or a solo hangout at home watching rom-coms!

Pink and red are key. The way I see it, this is literally the only day of the year when pink and red don’t look overly cutesy together. (Or rather, they do, but that’s the point.) Comb your wardrobe for anything pink or red and figure out how you can pair various items. You can go as subtle or as bright as you like – though of course, I favor a loud and proud aesthetic!

Go wild with hearts. This, again, is the only day of the year when you can wear as many heart-themed items as you want and people will think it’s… slightly less weird than they might otherwise. 😂💖 Tarina Tarantino does the best heart-shaped jewelry (unless you have Tiffany’s money, but honestly, I’ll take a flashy giant rhinestoned heart over a small understated silver one any day), and typing “heart” into the search bar of any clothing or accessories website will bring up a lot of cute stuff. Also great: anything floral-print or polka-dotted.

Choose romantic fabrics. What does this mean? Well, that’s up to you. I think some fabrics are traditionally coded as delicately feminine and thus romantic, like tulle, chiffon, and lace. But sensual fabrics like velvet, silk, and satin carry their own romanticism as well. Anything swishy and/or soft to the touch is a good pick. (And hey, if you’re a kinkster comme moi, maybe leather and latex are the most romantic materials you can think of!)

Dress to match your partner, if you have one and you’re both into that! What would normally seem ridiculous can just seem sweet on Valentine’s. Dressing in sync can be a visual manifestation of your luuuv.

Hide something fun underneath. Even if you’re not much for high-end hosiery and luxury lingerie (and I don’t blame you – that stuff’s expensive and high-maintenance, though it is beautiful), you could still delight your partner (or yourself) with some Valentine-y undergarments of some kind. MeUndies makes adorable matching heart-print underwear sets every year that are definitely worth a look!

Wear what your partner thinks you look hot in. This one is fully, 100% optional, because 1) you might not even have a partner, 2) you might not trust or prefer their aesthetic tastes over your own, and 3) you might not even know what they like you in, especially if it’s a new-ish relationship. But say your sweetie has told you they love you in striped stockings, or a well-fitting suit, or peeptoe heels, or with your hair slicked back – there’s no better occasion to wow your love with your choice of ensemble.

Go all out with your makeup, if you wear makeup (or if you don’t regularly wear it but want to on Valentine’s!). I like a classic smoky eye and red lip – that’s what feels the most romantic to me – but if you’ve got shimmery pink eyeshadow, or big fluttery false lashes, or iridescent pink lipstick, or stick-on hearts and cosmetic glue, by all means, use ’em! Be sure to consider longwear formulations if you’ll be out late and/or you plan on doing some kissin’.

Keep the weather in mind, because – while I do want you to look and feel excellent – in many places, it is snowy and/or freezing in February! Maybe you don’t want to be skidding around in your sky-high suede heels, or shivering sullenly in your translucent tights. If you must be impractical (and I get it), at least throw on a warm scarf and great coat when you go out, and maybe switch from boots to pretty shoes when you get where you’re going. Fashion is fun, but it’s not worth getting frostbite or a broken ankle for!

Wear what you feel sexy and gorgeous in. You can ignore every other rule here if you want, but this one is vital! Whether you’re making heart-eyes at your sweetie across a restaurant table, giggling with friends over a tipsy game of Spin the Bottle, or lounging solo at a cocktail bar with your favorite romance novel, you’re gonna wanna feel like a babe – whatever that means to you personally. Think about the times when you’ve felt your hottest/prettiest/handsomest and try to incorporate some elements from those past looks into your present one.

What do you plan on wearing for Valentine’s Day?