All Reviews

Review: Wake-Up Vibe

Kate Sloan

I am a notoriously deep sleeper. I have been known to deactivate alarm clocks in my sleep and then wake up hours later saying, “What the hell? Why didn’t my alarm clock wake me up?!” I have missed many a morning class because the quality of my sleep is akin to that of a hibernating bear.

So I was intrigued by the Wake-Up Vibe, though admittedly skeptical. If loud radio announcers or blaring calypso music couldn’t get me up-and-at-‘em, how could vibration do it?

The Wake-Up Vibe is made of ABS plastic covered in soft, smooth silicone. It has a little display which shows the time and allows you to set the alarm. There are five buttons: left, right, up, down, and middle. It’s not immediately obvious how to go about setting the clock, setting the alarm, and turning the vibe on, but the accompanying instruction booklet explains all this stuff very clearly, so read it and you’ll be good.

It comes with a black storage bag which leaves little black smudges on the toy’s surface (you can sort of see this in the photo above). I don’t know why it does this; it shouldn’t, if it’s real silicone, so maybe it isn’t. It also comes with a cute pink sleep-mask and several international adaptors for its charger.

The vibe is shaped in a gentle curve that matches the shape of my mons, coming to a halt in a little ball that is meant to rest on the clit. (You can also position the vibe so that the tip is against your vaginal opening, if that’s more your style.) It stays in place very well all night long if I’m wearing underwear, but it’s totally impossible to wear this vibe without panties or some other close-fitting lower-body garment. I sort of wish there was another way, since I prefer to sleep naked or at least bottomless, but any other way would probably involve all-night vaginal penetration, which wouldn’t be ideal either.

You can set the vibe to start at a low speed and work its way up, thereby waking you up gently and slowly. You can also increase the minimum speed so it’ll start stronger, waking you up with more of a jolt (which I need). It has several patterns – pulses, waves, etc. – so you can pick the one that works best for you. While I’m normally not a fan of vibration patterns, I do find them more effective than straight vibration for shocking me out of a deep sleep. Nothin’ like sudden quick pulses right on your clit to rouse you from slumber.

And rouse me, it does. Sometimes I have some kind of sexual mini-dream just before waking as a result of the vibrations, something weird like Jim Parsons tapping a pen against my clit or my best friend inexplicably going down on me. But then I’m awakened.

The Wake-Up Vibe doesn’t turn me on. I don’t wake up with a ladyboner, even when I’ve had one of those illicit dreamlets. I just feel shocked out of sleep, adrenaline-flooded, just like when your alarm clock suddenly starts blaring pop music at precisely 7:00 AM.

You can also use the Wake-Up Vibe as a regular vibrator, though I don’t see why you would want to. It’s an awkward shape to hold onto with your hand, and the vibrations are buzzy and passable but not especially satisfying. I have tried in vain to get off with this thing and it has not happened – but, to be fair, that isn’t necessarily its goal. If this toy did turn me on in the morning, which it doesn’t, I’d just shut it off and reach for another vibe to finish the job.

I don’t think the Wake-Up Vibe is ideal for someone who needs to get up at a specific time; there’s too much risk that you’ll stay asleep, or that you won’t wake up until the vibrations ramp up to their maximum strength. This is really a better choice for those days when you can sleep in and want to be awakened sweetly, slowly, gently. And if you’re expecting to have an orgasm just as you open your eyes to greet the day, well, look elsewhere, ’cause this vibe can’t finish what it starts.

Merci, PinkCherry!

Book Review: The Whole Lesbian Sex Book

Kate Sloan

I’ve wanted to read The Whole Lesbian Sex Book ever since a friend of mine brought a copy to an LGBT conference we attended in high school and the two of us pored over new-to-us information about different types of orgasms and different ways to achieve them. I was over the moon when Cleis Press offered me my choice of books to review, because I’ve always loved their smart, sexy, informative tomes. The Whole Lesbian Sex Book was first on my list.

Let it be said, first off, that I’m not a lesbian. I’m a bisexual, I’m in a long-term relationship with a cis guy, and I have passing-for-straight privilege for sure. Although my perspective might be different from the average reader of this book, there’s still a lot I can learn and have learned from it – and indeed, I think this would be a great read for anyone who has sex with women, is a woman, is interested in female sexuality, or some combination thereof. This isn’t so much a book about lesbian sex as it is a book about having sex with women or as a woman or both.

And let me tell you, it does a wonderful job of that. This is a huge departure from male-written or male-oriented sex guides. Emphasis is placed on things that matter to women: the clitoris is regarded as the centre of our sexuality, non-orgasmic sex is presented as every bit as viable and valid as orgasmic sex, and the emotional and psychological barriers to good sex are discussed in depth, just to name a few examples of how wonderfully woman-oriented this book is. (That’s not to say these things aren’t also important to men – just that they are traditionally excluded from male-directed sex education resources.)

Felice Newman is a fabulous writer: non-judgmental, caring, and obviously passionate about women’s sexuality. I love that she rarely uses words like “normal” – her book normalizes a whole host of healthy sexual behaviors that people often feel unfounded guilt about. That’s exactly what a sex-positive guide should do.

Some of the chapters in this book offer practical advice on sexual techniques – “Breast Play,” “Clitoral Play,” “Vaginal Penetration,” et cetera. Some of them cover more abstract or complex topics – “Desire and Fantasy,” “Communication and Finding Sex Partners,” “Gender (Not Destiny),” and so on. In every chapter, you’ll find information that would be useful to sexual novices (“Many women enjoy clitoral stimulation combined with vaginal or anal penetration”) as well as information that will interest a more advanced reader.

Newman’s writing is interspersed with quotes from real queer women who responded to her surveys. These, too, have a normalizing effect: it’s fun and validating to see that one’s own experiences, even the weirder ones, have been shared by other women.

I was surprised to note that the book is pretty inclusive of trans people – both trans men and trans women. There is an entire chapter about gender but trans-relevant information is also sprinkled throughout. The lesbian feminist community has sometimes been known to exclude trans folks from their discourse, but this book is on the ball about that stuff, providing info about what kind of stimulation might work for different types of bodies and what the partners of trans people ought to know about how to have sex in a way that respects and pleasures their partners.

Likewise, the book also welcomes with open arms people with disabilities and queer women who have sex with men. I always love when lesbian sex resources acknowledge that some queer women have sex with men, because different considerations need to be taken into account for those women and it can suck to feel excluded because of who you have sex with.

Overall I’m really thrilled with The Whole Lesbian Sex Book. It’s one of the most exhaustive sex guides I’ve ever read (second only, perhaps, to The Guide to Getting It On, which is comparatively very heteronormative). If you like sex with ladies, or you’re a lady who likes sex, or you want to better understand lady-sex, this is undoubtedly the book for you.

Thank you so much to Cleis Press for the book!

Clothing Review: International Fisting Day T-Shirt

Kate Sloan

I have never been fisted. I have never fisted anyone. But this T-shirt was just too awesome to pass up.

International Fisting Day, if you don’t know, is an annual day created by Courtney Trouble and Jiz Lee. It not only celebrates fisting but also rebels against the laws that consider fisting in porn “obscene.” It’s an all-around fantastic cause, even if you yourself have no interest in fisting being a part of your personal sexuality.

The design on this shirt is by Nomy Lamm. It features a bluish fist penetrating a pink and red heart-shaped orifice. The text is pretty big and obvious, so I’m not sure where I’ll be able to wear this shirt, other than maybe a sex blogger meet-up or a Crush Party – but I’d still feel proud to own this tee even if I could only wear it to sleep in.

The shirt comes in lots of different colors, fits, and styles. I ordered the “girly fit” in heather grey. The design is printed on American Apparel tees, which I find are pretty true-to-size. (Mine, pictured above, is a ladies’ large.) Among other types of clothing, it’s available in a super cute “baseball tee” style which looks great on Courtney Trouble!

As with all the AA shirts I’ve ever owned, this one is soft and flattering. The sleeves come down to the middle of my upper arm and don’t squeeze my chubby biceps. I might cut off the neck because I tend to do that with T-shirts (high round necks just don’t do it for me) but most normal people will like it just fine.

International Fisting Day is coming up on the 21st, but if you buy a shirt now, you’ll be able to commemorate your love of fisting forever!

I was not compensated in any way for writing this post. I just wanted to spread the word about Fisting Day.

Review: Tantus Curve

Kate Sloan

The Tantus Curve is the general practitioner of dildos. It can fulfill your most basic of dildo needs, halfway and perfunctorily, but if you have a specific wish you want a dildo to grant, you’ll probably need a referral to a specialist.

Want G-spot stimulation that’ll make your knees quiver? Check out the Adam O2 or Acute. Want to give your A-spot a good strokin’? Try the Tsunami. Craving a ton of texture? The Splash and Charmer have got you covered.

The Curve can meet all of these needs; it just doesn’t do any of them all that well. It might be a good choice for you if you use your dildos a lot of different ways but don’t have the cash to buy a different one for each purpose – but if that doesn’t describe you, you’re probably better off spending your money on a different dildo.

The Curve is average-sized: 6″ long and 1 3/8″ in diameter. The tapered tip makes it easy and comfortable to insert. It’s an ideal size for a warm-up dildo and would also make a great pegging tool for someone who can handle its moderate girth.

It reminds me of a dragon or dinosaur dick. This is probably the closest thing I’ll ever own to a Bad Dragon dildo. While its appearance makes it usable for some kind of medieval-creature fantasy, once it’s inside my vagina, it just feels like a regular ol’ human-cock dildo.

The Curve’s base is sturdy, thick, and wide – ideal for harnesses or anal play. The base comes to a soft triangular peak in the front, for which I discovered a cool use: if I hold my Hitachi against the bottom and smush the triangle into my clit, I can get off from the conducted vibrations. This is technically doable with most dildos, yes, but the triangle peak seems to focus the vibrations onto my clit better than a classic round base.

The gentle ripples along the shaft aren’t really noticeable for me when they’re inside me. However, the coronal ridge under the head of the dildo is a little more major, and feels good on my G-spot. It isn’t amazing, though. This is not a wicked intense G-spot dildo by any means. Even Tantus’ own Acute does a better job of that.

So the Curve doesn’t knock my socks off. That’s okay. It’s still a solid, basic dildo that I think will meet a lot of people’s needs, even if it didn’t impress me much.

Thank you, Tantus, for sending me this toy!

Review: Jimmyjane Form 4

Kate Sloan

I can’t even count the number of times that a toy ostensibly designed for penetration has ended up making friends with my clit. It’s not that I hate internal vibrations; I like ‘em when they’re rumbly. The problem is that most penetrative vibes seem to have been designed with no knowledge of how the vagina works at all.

The Jimmyjane Form 4 was sent to me by the lovely ladies at Sensual Intelligence, an eco-friendly, women-run, health-conscious retailer. (Y’all know I don’t normally make a hullaballoo about particular retailers, but a company with such great ethics is worth making an exception for, am I right?) While I do enjoy the Form 4 overall, it’s laughable that it’s been marketed as a penetrative vibe.

First off, it has no upward curve for accessing my G-spot, nor does it have the big, defined head that so many successful G-spot toys have. I can turn it around and use the larger end to penetrate myself, and indeed that feels better, but then the toy’s controls are inside my vagina – so it’s not really a workable solution.

The Form 4 is also too short to reach my anterior fornix unless I shove it all the way inside of me – which, once again, presents the problem of “How do I operate a toy whose controls are buried in my vag?”

As a clit vibe, the Form 4 does much better. Its motor is smartly located right in the tip of the toy where it ought to be, so my hand doesn’t get vibrated into numbness while I’m holding the vibe and my clit gets the brunt of the sensation. Its five speeds and three patterns are nicely varied. The vibrations are fairly buzzy, so I start to go numb if I use it for too long, but this can be remedied by using some of my usual techniques for dealing with overly buzzy vibes.

As for the vibration strength, it’s remarkable for a rechargeable, as per usual for Jimmyjane Form vibes. It’s in more-or-less the same range as the Lelo Siri and We-Vibe Tango, though it’s buzzier than both of them.

Like all the toys in the Form collection, the Form 4 charges by sitting upright in a dock. All the Form toys use the same dock, which is handy. This charging system feels futuristic and easy; I’m a fan.

The toy’s noise level is low-to-medium – it can be heard throughout the room it’s in, but not through a closed door. Annoyingly, it has a seam that wraps around its entire perimeter. The toy is waterproof, though being surrounded by bathwater dampens its vibrations somewhat.

Can you tell from this unimpassioned review that I feel pretty ambivalent about the Form 4? It works, it gets me off, it’s fine, but it doesn’t excite me. I don’t crave it; it’s not a go-to. When I want internal vibrations, I choose something rumbly instead, and when I want a clitoral orgasm, I grab something hella strong or wonderfully shaped or unusually stimulating. At $150 (depending on which retailer you get it from), the Form 4 seems overpriced for what it is: a dependable but ultimately boring clit vibe.