Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Lovense Ferri panty vibrator

Kate Sloan

When mega-popular sex toy company Lovense asked me to review their Ferri panty vibe recently, I thought, Wait… Haven’t I already reviewed that?! – but apparently I have not! I have written about it countless times for various publications, though, because I’ve adored it for years – so I was glad to have the opportunity to tell you about it in more detail here!

Spoiler alert: this is one of those very rare reviews where I have almost nothing negative to say at all about the product. As they say in showbiz: “No notes!”

Gratuitous underwear pics for some reason; you’re welcome

What is the Lovense Ferri?

Ever wanted to use a vibrator secretly in public, while someone else controls it from their phone? I certainly have! Many sex toy companies have attempted to make a hands-free vibrator for this type of use-case. This is perhaps one of the most difficult types of vibrators to design and engineer (at least, that would be my educated guess as a critic-but-not-maker of sex toys), because they have to be comfortable, stable once situated, quiet, and easy to control surreptitiously (usually via a smartphone app or an included remote) – not to mention, powerful and pleasurable!

Some of these toys require some degree of penetration, like We-Vibe-style toys or Lovense’s own Lush. Personally, I tend to prefer an option that’s all external and doesn’t require any penetration – not only because clitoral stimulation is what gives me most of my pleasure anyway, but also because my vag will eventually start to get sore if I keep something inside there while I’m sitting, walking around, etc. for hours on end, even if I slip away to a bathroom to re-lube periodically.

The Ferri solves this problem neatly. It’s a small vibrator that you tuck into your panties (or any other close-fitting style of underwear); it’s contoured to cup the vulva beautifully, curving along the mons and onto the clit. (Folks with penises seeking a vibe for hands-free use might consider the Gush.) Most cleverly, a separate magnet comes with the Ferri, which you can affix to the outside of your underwear, holding the vibe in place. You can then control the vibe via Bluetooth using the Lovense app (available for iOS, Android, Mac, and PC). While the Ferri obviously doesn’t have to be used in public, that is where it shines, and where the cleverness of its many features becomes most evident. Let’s talk about ’em…

Ferri + magnet clip

Things I like about the Lovense Ferri:

  • The Lovense app is just so fucking cool, and so well-designed. I praise it every time I review a Lovense toy, because it really is that good – and it’s the reason I always recommend Lovense products when people ask me about long-distance sex toys. In the app, you can use sliders to precisely control your vibe yourself, or invite someone else to control it from near or far; you can craft your own vibration patterns, loop them, or try out patterns that other people have designed; you can make your vibe vary based on the music/sound levels in the room you’re in, or respond in real-time to interactive videos or video games; you can even set an alarm and get woken up by vibration. Other companies have attempted to do what Lovense is doing, but none so effectively (at least none that I’ve tried), not only because their app is so robustly designed but also because their toys’ connectivity is way more consistent than that of other brands.
  • The vibrations are sufficiently rumbly, with a wide range of intensities that get plenty strong enough for me on the high end. In my view, a vibrator has to be rumbly to be successful in a public teasing scene, because you’re typically going to keep the vibrator in exactly the same spot for several minutes at a time, and buzzier vibrations would just numb you out – whereas rumbly ones continue to feel pleasurable for way longer. I think I could actually get off with this vibe in public, if not for my pesky social anxiety – but I can definitely get off with it in private, especially with the addition of some kind of rhythm or pressure from squeezing my thighs together (or having someone grind their thigh against my vulva…).
  • The Ferri is shaped excellently to target my clit, and I imagine many other people’s clits as well. Its gentle curve presses into my clit easily, and its ribbed texture gives me something to grind against if I rock back and forth slightly in my seat (water-based or oil-based lube makes this more pleasurable).
  • The magnet is really, really strong, so the vibe stays affixed to my underwear even as I walk around. On the rare occasions when it loses contact with my clit, it’s always because my underwear itself has shifted, not because the vibe has – and it’s easy to surreptitiously nudge it back into place under the table if I’m sitting at a restaurant or bar.
  • While I wouldn’t call it silent by any means, the Ferri is a pretty quiet vibrator, and it likely wouldn’t be audible at all in a noisy public environment like a bar or club. Just be careful when you sit down on a hard surface, like a metal chair or wooden barstool; the vibe might clatter against it, depending on how you’re sitting.
  • The Ferri lasts an impressive 3 hours and 15 minutes on an hour-long charge. On standby mode (i.e. connected to your phone via Bluetooth, but not vibrating yet), the Ferri can last up to 100 hours. I particularly appreciate long battery lives and short charging times when it comes to public-play toys, because you might impulsively decide to grab one as you dash out the door for a dinner date, and it sucks to discover that it’s dead. Even if it is dead, you can plug it in for a few minutes while you brush your teeth, get dressed, etc. and it’ll have enough juice for an evening tryst by the time you’re ready to go.
  • It’s waterproof, which makes it super easy to clean… and also means that you can keep on vibin’ even if you get caught in a torrential downpour on your way home from dinner. Alleyway makeout in the rain while a vibe pulses in your panties, anyone?

Things I don’t like about the Lovense Ferri:

  • The only complaint I have about this toy is that the Lovense app randomly logs me out of my account more often than I’d prefer (maybe like once every 2-3 months), which sometimes leads to an annoying horny scramble to find my login information when I really just want to get off (or let someone else get me off). Not sure what causes this, but even my app-developer wife gets annoyed by it, so it’s gotta be fixable, right?!

Final thoughts

A while ago, a friend texted me asking for sex toy advice. He wanted to buy his partner a panty vibe, had a few options in mind, and wanted my opinion on which was best. Without hesitation, I said, “Just get the Lovense Ferri.”

I really do think it’s the best panty vibe on the market right now, and I say that as someone who used to be a hater about the entire panty-vibe genre. This vibe actually gets it right, and has shown me that surreptitious public scenes can be fun, hot, and easy – rather than being a technological nightmare where you lose your boner from frustration after the third time you have to reconnect the Bluetooth!

It’s not often that I feel like doing a scene in public, but when I do, I tend to reach for either one of my Njoy Pure Plugs, an Uberrime vaginal plug, or the Lovense Ferri. They never let me down!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Hello Nancy Avo clitoral massager

Kate Sloan

Two things which we millennials apparently love, at least if the press releases in my inbox are to be believed: avocados, and pressure-wave sex toys.

I’m certainly not beating those allegations; I use pressure-wave toys semi-regularly, and I’m one of the many millennials who eats avocado toast but doesn’t own a house. (Hmm, doesn’t it seem like, if wages had kept up with inflation, more of us could comfortably afford both, and no one would have to write shamey thinkpieces about it? 🤔 Ah well…)

Anyway, economy gripes aside, today I’m reviewing a toy that combines both these millennial staples into one green little gadget: the Hello Nancy Avo clitoral massager. Like their lemon-shaped Lem, which I reviewed yesterday, this toy is cute, unusual-looking, and surprisingly powerful for its petite size. It’s so similar to the Lem, in fact, that I’m going to compare the two throughout this piece.

Ways in which the Avo and Lem are more-or-less the same:

  • Both are pressure-wave clitoral massagers, meaning they stimulate the tip of the clitoris with rhythmic air waves.
  • Both are made of matte, smooth silicone.
  • Both have 10 modes/settings, although the modes themselves are different (more on that below).
  • Both have a soft-edged silicone “mouth” that is just under half an inch in diameter, so they’re best-suited for people with small-to-medium clits (and I wouldn’t recommend them for people who’ve experienced bottom growth due to testosterone).
  • Both are IPX7 waterproof, so you can wash ’em in the sink and use ’em in the shower or bath if you want to.
  • Both come in totally adorable packaging, with a silky pink storage bag for the toy.

Ways in which the Avo is better than the Lem:

  • I like the avocado-y shape, and found it easier to hold onto than the lemon shape, even with my chronically sore hands. I also found that the avocado shape stayed in place better when I’d briefly use it hands-free (like while finding more porn clips to watch on my phone), which is a definite plus for me.
  • Additionally, I think this shape would be better suited for using during PIV sex than the rounder Lem. The Avo could even fit into missionary-position sex without much trouble. It’s about the same size as something like a Satisfyer Penguin, but shaped even better to fit between bodies.
  • The Avo feels noticeably more powerful than the Lem, so it may be better appreciated by people who enjoy intense stimulation. That being said, its pressure waves feel buzzier than those of the Lem – more on that below – so it’s ultimately less pleasurable for me, despite being stronger.
  • The lowest speed of the Avo is actually low, unlike the Lem which starts off a bit aggressive for my liking. I appreciate being able to start at a lower intensity and work my way up as I get more aroused (although this would be easier to do if there were more steady speeds; see below).
  • I tend to stick with steady speeds rather than patterns, but the patterns on the Avo are significantly better than the patterns on the Lem. There’s less space in between pulses, and the rhythms are more consistent. People who enjoy patterns might actually like these!

Ways in which the Lem is better than the Avo:

  • Most crucially: the Lem’s pressure-waves feel a lot rumblier and more clitorally impactful than the Avo’s. My clit just kind of zones out/numbs out after a few minutes with the Avo, whereas the Lem feels engagingly rumbly through all of its settings. For this reason, I was able to reach orgasm with the Lem but not with the Avo.
  • The Lem has 4 steady speeds and 6 patterns, whereas the Avo has only 3 steady speeds, followed by 7 patterns. I’m not sure of the reason for this difference, but in any case, 3-4 steady speeds is not enough gradation for me; my preference is 8-10.
  • The Lem ($89 USD/$120 CAD) is cheaper than the Avo ($99 USD/$140 CAD), although I’m not sure why – and frankly, I think both are a bit overpriced. Pressure-wave toys at this price point usually have flashier features to justify their high cost, like Womanizer’s “Autopilot mode” or the multiple different-sized clitoral attachments that come with some Womanizer toys.
  • Despite being repeatedly described by the brand as “whisper-quiet,” the Avo is one of the louder pressure-wave toys I’ve tried. The Lem is a much more reasonable volume by comparison.
  • The Lem lasts 2 hours on a 90-minute charge, whereas the Avo only lasts 90 minutes on a 90-minute charge.

Final thoughts

In general, I think the sunny yellow Lem is the better toy of the two. It feels better, can get me off, and its aesthetic appeals to me more. The higher-pitched “buzziness” of the Avo‘s pressure-waves will work for some people, but I think most folks would dig the Lem more.

In general I struggle to say that Hello Nancy’s toys are worth the splurge, since they don’t quite deliver sensation-wise in the way I’d expect for a pressure-wave toy at this price point – but as I noted in yesterday’s review, sometimes a toy’s aesthetic makes it worth the extra cash. Sex toys are meant to bring you pleasure, and many people find it easier to seek and justify self-pleasure if they’re using a toy with an aesthetic that makes their heart sing. Maybe some of my fellow avocado-obsessed millennials are swooning over the Avo as they read this!

As for me, though… I think I’ll keep my avocados on my toast, and not on my vulva. 🥑😉

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Hello Nancy Lem clitoral massager

Kate Sloan

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. And when life gives you a lemon-shaped vibrator, you… squirt? I dunno. We’ll workshop the tagline.

This is the Lem clitoral massager by Hello Nancy, and its sweet-‘n’-sour aesthetic impressed me right out of the box – but did it have the juice I needed? Let’s discuss…

What is the Hello Nancy Lem?

This toy massages your clit with rhythmic air waves, just like Womanizers, Satisfyers, and their ilk. It has 4 steady speeds and 6 patterns. It’s made of silicone, and lasts about 2 hours on a 90-minute charge.

Oh yeah, and it’s shaped like a lemon, which is fun.

Things I like about the Hello Nancy Lem:

  • The pressure waves this toy produces are impressively rumbly, strong, and pleasurable! I enjoy them a lot, when the toy’s nozzle is positioned on my clitoral hood (more on that below). They build arousal quickly for me, and they stay rumbly-feeling even as I get more turned on and increase the intensity. I was able to reach orgasm easily and consistently with this toy, with or without additional penetrative stimulation like a dildo or butt plug.
  • The Lem’s nozzle has soft, rounded, flexible silicone edges that are comfortable in use and allow it to form a good seal around my clit, which can nonetheless be easily broken when I want to reposition the toy.
  • I wasn’t sure how I would feel about the lemon shape in use, but it works better than I thought: the silicone has enough grippiness that I can keep ahold of it even when my hands are a bit lubey, and I can place a fingertip on the pointed end of the lemon to angle/guide it when needed. It might be too bulky to fit between bodies for sex in the missionary position, but positions can be adapted, and it’s certainly smaller than something like a wand or even a standard-sized Womanizer.
  • It’s not often that I comment on a sex toy’s packaging or branding, because I don’t generally consider those things terribly important – but Hello Nancy knocked it out of the park with theirs. The toy came gorgeously presented in a pink and yellow box, along with a pink storage bag and an “instruction manual” printed on the backs of what appears to be stylized tarot cards. These are all such beautiful touches, and could make an aesthetically-conscious newbie feel more excited to try a sex toy for the first time, so I love ’em.
  • The Lem is IPX7 waterproof, meaning you can wash it in the sink or use it in the shower/bath without fear of ruining it.

Things I don’t like about the Hello Nancy Lem:

  • My issue with the Lem is the same issue I have with like 80% of pressure-wave toys: the nozzle is so small that it only covers the very tip of my clit, which is the most sensitive part and therefore the part most prone to overstimulation or discomfort if touched too intensely. There are no speeds low enough on the Lem for that to feel comfortable for me, so I use it exclusively on my clitoral hood or through my inner labia instead, stimulating my clit indirectly – but this isn’t how the toy was meant to be used, so it sometimes slides around, breaks its seal, etc. This push-and-pull between overstimulation and understimulation is a frequent problem for me with pressure-wave toys and makes orgasms less satisfying than they otherwise might be.
  • The Lem only has one button – you hold it down to turn the toy on or off, and short-press it to change modes. This system is inconvenient for those of us who like to increase and decrease the intensity of a toy over the course of a session, as you have to cycle through all 10 modes to get back to the first one. The button itself is also difficult to locate and press, as it’s embedded under the Nancy logo – a cute aesthetic choice, for sure, but not a very practical one.
  • There are only 4 steady speeds, followed by 6 patterns. Most of the patterns are far too inconsistent for me to ever want to use them. Dear toymakers: if you must equip your toys with pattern modes, please make most of them consistently rhythmic and with only brief pauses between moments of stimulation. Anyone who wants a frustrating tease can provide it themselves by simply turning the toy off mid-use and throwing it out the window.
  • $89 USD/$120 CAD feels steep for such a simple toy: one function, 10 modes (most of which I’d never really use, because they’re patterns).

Final thoughts

The Hello Nancy Lem is a fruity li’l cutie of a clit massager – lovely and satisfying, if perhaps a tad overpriced. Is a sweet aesthetic worth paying extra for? In the world of fashion, typically I’d say YES (while lobbing my wallet in your general direction), but when it comes to sex toys, I’m not sure. I think it’s a very personal decision, and if the Lem’s sunny yellow look makes your heart sing, then you should follow your bliss! I certainly prefer this lemon over the much more played-out rose toys I’m seeing everywhere these days.

I found the Lem overstimulating when used as intended, applied to my clit head-on – but even that speaks well of it, since many pressure-wave toys are sadly underpowered and this sure ain’t one of ’em. I wish that some differently-sized nozzle attachments were offered, as with some Womanizers, so that those of us with picky clits could try out a few different options to see what feels best.

But overall, I think the Lem is totally adorable and surprisingly enjoyable. It’s definitely the first time a lemon has made me come…

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Seekheart G-Spot Slap

Kate Sloan
*slaps roof of sex toy* this bad boy can fit so many fucking flapping tongues in it

Be honest: How willing would you be to have sex with someone, if you knew that their signature move was called the “G-spot slap”?

You can understand, then, why I was somewhat trepidatious to review the pithily-named Seekheart G-Spot Slap… but it’s actually a pretty interesting toy with some unusual functions that set it apart from other dual-stimulation vibrators. Let’s talk about it!

Gif via Seekheart

What is the Seekheart G-Spot Slap?

This toy features two main functions:

  1. The titular G-spot-slapping! This toy’s internal/vaginal arm has a long, noodle-shaped piece of silicone positioned inside a little alcove, so that it flicks back and forth rapidly when its vibrations are turned on, “slapping” your G-spot (as well as your posterior vaginal wall) on each stroke.
  2. A “mouth,” meant to stimulate your clit, with a tongue that vibrates and “licks” up and down, and lips that move back and forth in sucking-esque motion (although it doesn’t produce actual suction – more on that later).

This toy is made of silicone and ABS plastic. It’s IPX6 water-resistant, meaning it can stand up to high-pressure water streams from any direction (like while being washed between uses) but shouldn’t be submerged in water. It lasts about an hour on a 2.5-hour charge, which is pretty typical for a multi-function toy like this.

Things I like about the Seekheart G-Spot Slap

  • There are many ways that sex toys attempt to imitate cunnilingus, from rhythmic air waves to suction to flappy silicone tongues; some are more effective than others, and I tend to prefer those which are motion-based, like the undulating “lips” of this toy, over the more stationary kind. Motion-based toys stimulate more of my clit (as opposed to just focusing on the tip), which is more satisfying and more authentically oral-like. To that end, I really liked how this toy could rhythmically massage my clitoral shaft with its lips in a way that very few other toys have managed to do. When well-lubed, it can even make me come (which I suppose is no surprise, given that I have an easier time coming with human partners when they suck my clit rather than licking it).
  • Unlike a lot of other motion-based toys, this one didn’t seem to slow down much when pressure was applied, or when my vag muscles squeezed around it. Hooray!
  • As violent as the word “slapping” might sound, in practice the G-spot slapping function pretty much just feels like vibration. It starts off rumbly-ish and gets buzzier as you turn it up, but adds a nice undercurrent of sensation that I enjoy. (I didn’t really notice any stimulation on my posterior vaginal wall, possibly because that’s just not a very sexually sensitive zone for me.)
  • The very tip of the toy’s internal arm also “taps” against the A-spot area when the flapping function is turned on. This function doesn’t seem to be mentioned anywhere on the G-Spot Slap’s website, but it’s there! I found that it seemed to vibrate the general vicinity of my A-spot, rather than intensely targeting the spot itself, though, so I’d look elsewhere if you’re hoping for a very A-spotty vibe.
  • Each of this toy’s two main functions can be controlled separately with its own button, so you can (for instance) crank up the power on the internal part while leaving the external part at the same setting, or vice-versa.
  • Further, the buttons are well-labelled and easy to locate, even in the dark, because they’re raised and they light up when the toy is on.
A-spot-tapping tip

Things I don’t like about the Seekheart G-Spot Slap

  • My main issue with this toy is that the lips don’t create suction and don’t apply much pressure… they just move back and forth, like someone open-mouth kissing your clit again and again. That feels good to a point, but just like when human partners do it, I tend to want a little more zeal once I get turned on, and this toy just can’t provide it. Any suction created by the lips’ motion is immediately broken as they continue to move. I was able to get off with this toy by holding it very firmly against my vulva to maintain clit contact as consistently as possible, but even then, the orgasm was hardly satisfying, because – again – there was no suction and very minimal pressure being applied to my clit while I came.
  • The “tongue” inside this toy’s “mouth” is quite pointy, rigid, straight, and uniform, which ultimately makes it feel pokier and far less pleasurable than, say, the more realistic tongue of the Seekheart Licker. To make matters worse, the vibrations conducted by this tongue are quite buzzy, and don’t add much (if at all) to the pleasure provided by the surrounding lips.
  • The mouth has 4 steady speeds followed by 6 patterns; the “slapper” has 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns. That is not enough steady speeds, especially since they start quite fast – it would’ve been nice to have several slower options as well. And also it’s irritating that you have to cycle through all the patterns to get back to the first speed.
  • The mouth function is distractingly noisy. When you first turn it on, it sounds like mechanical whirring. In use, it sounds more like somebody is grumbling against my vulva (rhythmically chanting something like “bubble bubble” or “rumble rumble,” to be specific!). Not exactly a mood-setter, unless you’ve got a mumblecore fetish.
  • Speaking of noise: Oddly enough, because this toy’s vaginal arm has a big cutout in the middle of it, it’ll induce the occasional queefing-type sound during use. This doesn’t bother me, and doesn’t cause me any discomfort or anything, but it might bug some users. On that note, the cutout itself also makes the toy minorly more annoying to clean than it would otherwise be, as does the mouth.
  • Unlike with some other dual-stim toys, there’s not really an easy way to use either function of this toy on its own if you wanted to. You can’t, for example, position the toy’s mouth on your clit without also inserting its vaginal arm (or at least, I couldn’t figure out a way to do so!). There isn’t enough flexibility in the shaft to allow for that.
  • At the time that I’m writing this, the G-Spot Slap is retailing for £43.99, which converts to about $58 USD or $81 CAD. I ultimately think that’s too pricey for the lackluster clit stim you get with this toy, at least if clit stim is important to you (which it is for most vulva-havers).

Final thoughts

I’m always saying how much I love it when sex toy companies take risks, creating innovative new ways to prompt pleasure – and the Seekheart G-Spot Slap does a bunch of stuff I haven’t seen elsewhere much, if at all, so I’ve gotta give the company kudos for pushing the envelope!

It mouths your clit with soft lips (“softer than men’s,” according to the Seekheart website!) while vibrating it with a tongue, albeit a pretty pointy one… and it also “slaps” your G-spot and A-spot with pleasing vibration, albeit without much precision. I wish its clitoral sensations were more intense and concentrated, but not every toy aims for intensity – and if the idea of having your clit sweetly kissed again and again is a turn-on for you, you should certainly consider the G-Spot Slap!

But as for me, I think I’ll stick to coming between human lips instead of mechanical ones, because they know me better and feel better – at least until the technology improves. 🤖😉

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As ever, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Seekheart Licker tongue-like toy

Kate Sloan

This tongue-shaped toy actually made me come.

That may not seem like big news, especially for anyone reading this who happens to have gone down on me before, and therefore knows how much I like receiving (good) head… but the truth is, while human tongues have an okay-to-good track record at getting me off, mechanical tongues tend to be less effective. Usually they weaken dramatically when any pressure is applied, leaving fans of forceful licking in the lurch – not to mention, most manmade tongues are eerily smooth and symmetrical, bearing little resemblance to the marvelous, muscular human organ they seek to replicate. You might as well jerk yourself off with a wilted flower petal.

But the Seekheart Licker is a rare outlier. Not only does it look and feel more like a human tongue than any other toy I’ve tried, but it exerts more force than I was expecting – to the point that during my first testing session with it, the tongue part finished me off so quickly and unexpectedly that I didn’t even get to test the toy’s other function, and had to adjourn for a while to reset my refractory period before I could finish testing. 😂

What is the Seekheart Licker?

The Licker is a dual-stimulation toy, meaning (in this case) that it has an internal part which is inserted vaginally for G-spot stimulation, and an external part for clit stimulation.

But as you can see, the Licker’s internal/vaginal part is a tongue! It has an upturned tip that flutters up and down in a motion resembling fast licking when it’s on. The external/clitoral part features a ‘tapping’ mechanism instead (Seekheart calls it ‘beating’). These two functions can be used either simultaneously or separately; each has 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns.

The Licker is made of silicone and ABS plastic, and lasts about 1 hour on a 2.5-hour charge.

Gif via Seekheart (I know this looks wild, but it really does visibly flutter like that!)

Things I like about the Seekheart Licker

  • I already sung its praises up top, but… that tongue, though! 👀 It’s made of soft, squishy pink silicone with a firm mechanical core, which gives it a realistic feeling that rivals dual-density silicone dildos. It bears a bumpy, tastebud-like texture, making it even more lifelike and pleasurable. It starts wide and narrows to a point, as tongues tend to do, allowing for vastly different sensations depending on how you angle/position the toy – I favor licks that massage my clit downward through the clitoral hood, for instance, which is easily achievable with the Licker. Rather than bending up and down mechanically, it seems to merely use rumbly vibration – but the tongue is so well-designed that these vibrations make its curved tip flick up and down quickly within an inch-wide range of motion, which feels fantastic on my clit (when the toy is properly lubed and positioned), like the enthusiastic tongue of a determined partner.
  • The clit-tapping function is cool too! It reminds me of the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen, albeit less rumbly and therefore not quite as pleasurable. And because the clitoral arm has a bit of flex to it, I found that it lined up with my clit just fine (which can be an issue with dual-stim toys), and I could even position the tip of the toy up on my clitoral hood where I prefer it.
  • The internal and external functions of this toy can be controlled separately via their discrete buttons. I’d be more likely to use these functions separately than together, in fact, since I mainly masturbate clitorally. The buttons themselves are straightforward and easy to use: long-press the power button to put the toy in standby mode, then short-press that same button to cycle through clit-tapping modes, or short-press the other button to get that tongue a-flappin’.
  • This is a remarkably quiet toy, which is a very rare quality to find in anything featuring a mechanical tongue. Usually they creak and groan horribly, but this one produces only a soft, unobjectionable whirr that I doubt could be heard at all through a closed door.
  • At the time that I’m writing this, the Licker is priced at £39.99, which works out to about $53 USD or $73 CAD currently. I think that’s a fair price for what you get.
  • While this toy is designed for vaginal and clitoral use, the tongue part could really be used on any external erogenous zone – lube it up and try it on the frenulum of a penis, for instance, or on your nipple, taint, or butthole. Just make sure to sanitize it before using it on a vulva or vagina again, if you choose to use it anally. (On that note: Could you insert the tongue inside your butt? Sure. The rest of the toy would function as a flared base. Should you? Probably not, because it’ll likely just slow down/stop working, for reasons I’ll get into next…)

Things I don’t like about the Seekheart Licker

  • Fundamentally, I just don’t think a tongue (whether human or robotic) is the right tool for G-spot stimulation. While the Licker’s tongue does flap more strongly than many other tongue-like toys I’ve tried before, it can only handle a certain amount of pressure before it slows down or stops entirely – and apparently my vagina’s natural muscle contractions during the early arousal process (not even talking about orgasm here!) are enough pressure to make the tongue stall out. This defeats the purpose of having a dual-stim toy. For this reason, I enjoyed the Licker most when I was using its tongue clitorally rather than vaginally.
  • I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: 3 steady speeds is not enough. Most vibrator users prefer steady speeds over patterns, according to several informal social media polls run by myself and colleagues of mine over the years – so toys should ideally have at least 5 steady speeds, as a matter of far higher priority than any patterns. (Toy designers, take heed!). I haven’t yet been able to reach orgasm with the clit-tapping part of this toy because my clit is a diva requiring more gradation than a mere 3 speeds can offer. 💅
  • While the Seekheart website repeatedly describes the Licker as “waterproof,” it’s not. It is rated IPX5, which means it can withstand low-pressure water streams, but should not be submerged in water or exposed to high-pressure water streams. So, washing it in the sink should be fine, but don’t take it in the shower or bath.
  • Commonly for tongue-shaped toys, you’ll need to use a lot of (water-based) lube with this one for it to feel as good as possible, and you’ll probably need to reapply a few times throughout a session, because the tongue’s flapping motion seems to make lube dry up more quickly.

Final thoughts

I often implore sex toy designers to make products which do one thing very well, rather than overwhelming users with unnecessary bells and whistles. And if the Seekheart Licker were only a tongue, it would succeed at that assignment, because it’s realistic in look and feel, quiet, versatile, simple to use, and can bring me to orgasm easily and consistently. The orgasms even feel closer to those I get from oral sex than those I get from vibrators!

The Licker’s clit-tapping external arm could use some more steady speeds. As-is, it’s not stimulating enough to get me off on its own or in conjunction with the tongue, due to how the tongue slows to a standstill when inserted vaginally.

But when I limit myself to using the tongue on my clit, this toy works wonders – and actually feels almost like a human tongue. Frankly, given how rough these last few months have been personally and politically, I’ll take any excuse to receive some luxuriant head, even if it’s from a machine!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.