Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Glittertops BDSM Gear Heart Paddle

Kate Sloan

Unique toys for impact play are one of my favorite types of item to collect. When you’ve worked in the sex toy biz for a long time, sometimes visiting sex shops can be monotonous, compared to the juicy joy it used to inspire – but the impact toy section is often nonetheless full of surprising treasures. Nine times out of ten, I’d much rather walk out carrying a new cherrywood truncheon made by a local artisan, or an exquisitely soft suede flogger with a bejewelled handle, than yet another silicone dildo or middling vibrator.

So, obviously, I was delighted when I learned about Glittertops BDSM Gear. This 100% trans-owned-and-operated business makes beautiful acrylic paddles full of glitter or rose petals or four-leaf clovers, which would be exciting enough on its own… but it gets better. You can ask them to put just about anything you can think of (within reason, and within the constraints of physics) into one of their products: as per the company’s owner, this may include “flowers, leaves, glitter, lettering, holographic stuff, inks, glow-in-the-dark pigments, UV pigments, etc.” So you can get yourself a paddle that is wonderfully, wackily unique to you and your tastes. Incredible!!

I was so overcome by the possibilities that it took me a while to decide what I wanted. I considered Reese’s Pieces, a favorite snack of mine. I considered blue flowers, since they’re an important symbol in my relationship. But ultimately, I couldn’t think of anything I’d want more in a paddle than Scrabble tiles. And what better words to have them spell out than my favorite honorific – the one I feel so strongly about that I got it tattooed on my thighs – “good girl”?

Jay at Glittertops asked me a few questions about layout and background, and then the finished paddle arrived in my hands sooner than I even thought possible. Y’all, it is STUNNING. Heart-shaped with a smaller heart cutout at the center, blue and pink glitter on a pale blue background, iconic Scrabble tiles down the whole length, and a lovely pink and blue braided handle. A true work of art, and unmistakably “me.” 😍

This is a fairly light paddle, though it has enough heft to feel impactful nonetheless. The design makes it slightly top-heavy, allowing for stronger hits with minimal effort, and the heart cutout makes it more aerodynamic so you can land harder hits. The handle is gently contoured and easy to keep a good grip on.

It’s pretty stingy, being as flat and light as it is, but has enough weight to it that the stinginess is grounded by some slight thud that makes it pleasurable instead of annoying (for me, at least). You can also turn it sideways for a much thuddier sensation, though it’s harder to hold that way.

I haven’t played with this paddle hard enough to cause bruising, but I think it would leave a nice heart-shaped mark, if your hits were consistently precise enough. Valentine’s gift, anyone?!

Perhaps my favorite thing about Glittertops Gear, however, is their Cannapaddle. It’s a paddle containing a dried marijuana leaf – so, perfect for the kinky stoner in your life! – and, wonderfully, 20% of the profits of each Cannapaddle are donated to the Washtenaw County Mutual Aid Re-Entry Fund, which helps cover the basic expenses of people returning from prison so they can get back on their feet. “Marijuana is recreationally legal in our state,” Jay told me, “but at Glittertops we believe it’s unacceptable that we can craft paddles that feature cannabis leaves but there are still thousands of POC in prison for minor marijuana-related offenses.” I could not agree more.

If you’re craving a Glittertops paddle – and they’re a reasonable thing to crave, given how excellent they are – you’re in luck! The code “GIRLYJUICE” (enter it at checkout) will get you a 20% discount on their products from now until Valentine’s Day (February 14th). Why not buy yourself (or a friend or partner) something pretty to get hit with?

 

Thanks so much to the folks at Glittertops Gear for making me this gorgeous paddle!

Review: Gvibe Gjack 2 & Gpop 2

Kate Sloan

The older I get, the worse my chronic pain gets – and the worse my chronic pain gets, the more I appreciate sex toys like the Gvibe Gjack 2.

I don’t know why more sex toy companies don’t implement looped handles like the one on this toy. Fun Factory, Lelo, and a few others have done so, but it’s definitely not as common as handles with no clear “grabbing point,” which force you to figure out on your own the most comfortable/least painful way to hold them for your particular body.

The handle on the Gjack 2, on the other hand, is designed with incredible thoughtfulness. I can slide my thumb easily through the open loop, and press against its farthest edge with minimal effort when I want to thrust the toy in and out. This feature is great for able-bodied people, too, because it gives you some extra leverage when you’re thrusting. My partner noted that of our collections, this is one of the most ergonomic toys to fuck me with; they can thrust and angle the toy as needed, with ease.

The Gjack 2 is a penetrative vibrator, but honestly, it could’ve (should’ve?) just been a dildo instead. Its vibrations, while decently powerful, are pretty buzzy and kind of loud. I’ve most often used this toy without even turning the vibrations on, and oddly enough, I think that’s the best-feeling way to use it.

It’s made of a material called Bioskin™, and if you know anything about the sex toy industry, you probably know that trademarked toy materials are usually a bad sign. 9 times out of 10, materials with names like CyberSkin™ or BioFlesh™ are just some version of jelly or thermoplastic elastomer – i.e. porous at best, toxic at worst. But according to blogger Phallophile, who contacted Gvibe to inquire about Bioskin, the material is actually a thin silicone veneer on top of a memory foam-esque material. If true, this is a smart solution for the problem sex toy makers have long faced: making toys that feel squishy like real flesh, but aren’t going to give customers chemical burns in their orifices.

(FYI, I asked a friend who is knowledgeable about sex toy science what the odds are that Bioskin is actually a safe material to use; the answer was that any nasty chemicals that could be [but aren’t necessarily] present in the foam would be able to leak through the silicone, but only in greatly decreased and diluted amounts, and that the risk of this happening would likelier be greater from “the bed you’re wanking in” than from a vibrator. The more you know…!)

Indeed, the Bioskin on my Gjack 2 feels smooth to the touch, like silicone, but has a squish more reminiscent of a foam mattress topper. That squish becomes really important when you insert the toy, because it’s covered in ridges all along its 5.5″ insertable length – ridges that would be way too intense, were they rendered in standard silicone. The squishiness makes them much easier to take, though I still feel a distinctive “popping” sensation when each one glides past my pubic bone. Notably, though, the material seems to muffle the toy’s vibrations, as does my mere flesh, so if you like powerful vibrations on your internal erogenous zones, this may miss the mark for you.

The toy’s cocklike head has the most squish of all, which would be a definite boon if your cervix is especially sensitive to pain. However, in testing this toy, I was reminded that my A-spot prefers firm touch. The nearly straight shape of the shaft contributes to the overall “meh”-ness of how the Gjack feels. It’s more like a cloud than a battering ram when it’s inside me, which I know is somebody’s jam, even if it’s not exactly mine.

To me, the most exciting thing about this toy is what it feels like to orgasm around something so spongy. It’s a unique sensation I know many people would love – but for me personally, this toy just doesn’t have enough “oomph” to totally wreck me the way something big and firm like the Eleven or Double Trouble can.

I was sort of hoping Gvibe would send me their Gbulb, an apparently powerful external vibrator that’s shaped like – wait for it – a lightbulb. (?!?) But instead, the second toy they sent me was the Gpop 2, a cute little vibrator designed to be unisex. (IMO, most vibrators are unisex, but it’s nice when a company acknowledges this outright!) This one has a looped handle too – yay! – and is shaped such that you could use it anally, vaginally, or externally, so it’s super versatile.

Because it’s made of silicone rather than Bioskin, the Gpop transmits vibrations much better than the Gjack. This toy rumbles and thrums beautifully, with way more power than you would expect for its diminutive 4.9″x1.1″ size, and feels fantastic on my G-spot and clit alike. The shaft is quite bendy, so if you like to press hard with your vibrators then you may find you can’t get as much pressure as you would prefer with the Gpop, but this feature also makes the toy more comfortable for anal insertion than your average vibrator.

I thought I would prefer the Gjack 2 because it looks more like the types of toys I tend to enjoy, but actually the smaller, rumblier Gpop 2 ended up being my favorite. I love its portability – in addition to being petite, it has a travel lock – and its combination of firm silicone and strong vibrations means it can get me off much more easily than the squishier, buzzier Gjack. At just $66, the Gpop is definitely one of the best vibes I’ve tried for its price point. I’m always thrilled to see more companies like Gvibe making colorful, waterproof, body-safe, relatively affordable sex toys, and I’m glad I got to try these ones!

 

This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Sohimi Clitoral Sucking Vibrator

Kate Sloan

In preparing to write this review, I went and looked up the Sohimi Clitoral Sucking Vibrator on the company’s website, and was shocked – SHOCKED! – to see they’re only charging $36 for it. (Less, if you catch them on a sale day.) Why did this shock me? Well, this toy is rechargeable, made of body-safe silicone, and an innovative multi-tasker, the likes of which a company like Lelo could crank out and charge $180+ for, easy. Damn, Sohimi. I’m impressed.

As with many toys I get sent to review, I didn’t have much choice about which product from the company’s catalogue I would be sent, and I wouldn’t have necessarily picked this one if they’d let me choose. But that’s because I wouldn’t have understood, just from looking at it, what it actually does.

This incompletely-named “clitoral sucking vibrator” does three things, only two of which are mentioned in its moniker. It’s shaped like an uppercase “J,” with a vibrating shaft meant for vaginal penetration on one end and a clit-sucking pressure wave stimulator on the other. But in the middle is something really neat: a G-spot-targeting bump that, when activated, trembles quickly like a partner intensely come-hithering to make you squirt. Sohimi calls this a 3-in-1 toy and they are not fucking around when they say that.

Of the three functions, the vibration is the least interesting to me, both because I already own a zillion vibrators and because these particular vibrations are pretty buzzy. But the other two functions, especially when used in tandem, are tantalizing. The light clitoral suction produced by pressure-wave technology is a very “treble-y” sensation, high-pitched and pinpointed sometimes to the point of being cloying, but here it is tempered by the comparative “bassiness” of that rumbling G-spot stimulator. The thrumming slows down quite a bit when inserted vaginally, as the motor works hard to fight against my restrictive flesh, but I can definitely still register it. When I use both functions in concert, both these crucial buttons get pushed so directly that a “whoa, I’m gonna come!” feeling creeps up faster than expected. I don’t even need to turn the vibrations on, and they’re so buzzy that I usually don’t.

I love that each of the three functions can be controlled independently; it makes me feel like I’m constructing my own customized masterpiece at a salad bar. Each function has multiple speeds/patterns which you can cycle through by pressing its respective button. This is a quality I always miss in dual-stimulation (or triple-stimulation) toys when it’s not present. My clit and G-spot usually want different things at different moments, so it’s nice to have granular control over what setting each component is on at any given time.

I’m not totally on board with the clitoral suction aspect of this toy, because it doles out a sharper, stronger sensation than many similar toys, and my clit is a sensitive baby. Adding lube helps, but nonetheless, I find myself staying on the lowest speeds because the rest get way too intense way too quickly. If you’re not a fan of pressure wave stimulation, this toy isn’t gonna convert you, the way something more nuanced like a high-end Womanizer might.

The design of this toy is such that you basically have to insert the vaginal arm in order to use any part of it; the shaft doesn’t comfortably bend enough to allow you to use the clitoral portion on its own, should you want to. This definitely limits the usefulness of the toy, as does the fact that (characteristically of dual-stim toys) it has to fit your anatomy or it won’t work. I normally have issues lining up dual-stim toys so that both my G-spot and my clit are getting the amount of attention they want, with the correct angle/positioning for each, but this toy happens to fit my body well in that way. The shaft has some give, but not a ton.

I also noticed that I have a tendency to accidentally bump buttons when I try to thrust with this toy, because of where the control panel is placed. But I think it’s not really meant to be thrusted, so maybe this wouldn’t bother most users.

This is one of those toys I’d only grab when I was craving something very specific – in this case, intense clit stim paired with profound G-spot stim – but that’s actually a craving I have fairly often. The Sohimi Clitoral Sucking Vibrator does what it does quite well, with the exception of vibration, and it’s also probably one of the most luxe-looking vibes you could get at its price point. A decent, rechargeable triple-stimulation toy for $36 is nothing to sneeze at, and I’m glad I gave this one a shot!

 

This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 9 Best New Sex Toys

Kate Sloan

It is odd to be writing this from my spouse’s sofa in New York while the majority of my sex toy collection is back home in Toronto. It is odd to have to call upon sense-memories of what these products feel like, instead of just being able to pick them up, place them on my junk, and make a pronouncement borne of concrete reality. But this entire year has been odd, and so have our relationships to places and people and objects that are not located within the tiny rooms many of us have been stuck in.

So here are the 9 best sex toys I acquired in 2020, ranked according to something much more simple than the multi-categoried rating systems some sex toy reviewers adhere to – my list is based solely on how much delight the thought of each product conjures in my mind when I think of it. That has to do, I suppose, with how much pleasure these toys have given me over the year, creating a Pavlovian link between my experience of them and the sight of them, even in photos taken months ago and 500 miles away.

 

9. Dame Arc (available at SheVibe)

I told you about this toy very recently, so I won’t blather on about it here. Suffice it to say, it’s a G-spot vibe that manages to be much more than that – and it looks very pretty on my nightstand, in my hand, and in my holes. I look forward to seeing whatever Dame does in 2021!

 

 

8. Vibratex Magic Wand Plus (available at SheVibe, Peepshow, Come As You Are [Canada], and the Smitten Kitten)

I admire Vibratex for committing so steadfastly to making a toy that is neither flashy nor fancy. The thing about wand vibrators is that they do not need to have either of those qualities; they just need to be strong, rumbly, easy to hold, and easy to operate. This is why the wand category in any sex shop, online or offline, can be one of the plainest-looking sections but can also garner some of the highest customer ratings of the entire catalogue.

The Magic Wand Plus is the Platonic ideal of a plug-in wand vibrator. It does what you expect it to do, and no more, because that’s all it needs to do. It’s not exciting or interesting, nor does it have to be in order to keep its prized spot plugged in next to my bed, where it will likely remain for years to come, called upon a few times a week to deliver efficient and predictable orgasms. It’s like the friend of yours who is never the life of the party but is always the designated driver for whom your heart explodes with drunken love at the end of every evening out. I love it; I think most people would.

 

7. We-Vibe Nova 2 (available at SheVibe, Peepshow, Come As You Are [Canada], and the Smitten Kitten)

Finding a rabbit vibrator that works for your body is like finding a pair of jeans that works for your body: harder for some people than others, and a huge mood-booster when it finally happens. My Nova 2 and my favorite Madewell jeans have in common the ability to make me heave a sigh of relief: My body isn’t weird or broken after all!

The problem of creating a universally-useable dual-stimulation vibe has plagued the sex toy industry since dual-stim toys became a thing, and We-Vibe made big strides with their Nova 2. Its flexible arms give it more customizability and adaptability than any rabbit vibe I’ve ever tried. If you’re determined to get a dual-stim toy (and frankly, I think two separate toys are the better call for most people), this is the one I would recommend.

 

6. Hot Octopuss Amo (available at SheVibe and Peepshow)

Lots of my pals with penises are jealous of the vast variety of vibrators available to people with vulvas; Hot Octopuss’s rumbly-as-fuck dick vibes are some of the only products that’ve ever made me wish I had a penis. So it was thrilling that the company evidently used its profound knowledge of good motors to create such a powerful bullet vibe.

It can feel a bit vulnerable and worrying to be a person who sometimes needs vibration to get off – I often find myself feeling jealous of friends and partners who can get off just about anywhere, using only their hand (or, like, a partner’s thigh). But with small vibrators as powerful as this one on the market, I feel much more equipped to have sexual adventures away from home, even impromptu ones! (…Post-pandemic, I mean.)

 

5. Satisfyer Curvy 2

I’m not sure why this doesn’t seem to be sold at any reputable North American stores, or why I was given one at ANME if Satisfyer didn’t plan on making it available over here, but nonetheless… The Curvy 2 is probably my favorite pressure-wave toy at the moment, and the one that feels the most like good oral sex to me. The nozzle is a good size for my clit, and the shape and size of the toy are ergonomic even for my achy hands.

This toy also has the benefit of being useable as a G-spot vibrator if you flip it around. And the Satisfyer app remains one of the best and most responsive sex toy apps I’ve ever used. While I wish this company would quit plagiarizing Fun Factory so much, I can’t deny that some of their designs are brilliantly unique, and the Curvy 2 is a prime example.

 

4. Clone-a-Willy (available at SheVibe and Peepshow)

Maybe listing this toy here is sort of cheating because what I’m really commenting on is the size and shape of my partner’s dick, not a pre-made dildo… but… the Clone-a-Willy is a fun product in and of itself, because you get to do a science experiment that ends with you owning a brand-new vibrating dildo!

I think this is one of the most inventive products on the market. It has occasionally been imitated but has never been replicated. It is just so cool to be able to make a copy of your favorite dick (or dildo, or cucumber, or fist…), especially so affordably.

 

3. Laid D2 (available at Peepshow)

I mean… it’s a beautiful, smooth, heavy dildo made of 500-million-year-old granite. It can hit my G-spot and my A-spot. What’s not to like?!

This toy has even made its way into the rotation of dildos my spouse routinely uses to fuck me – which is a high honor, because usually they stick to toys I’ve owned forever and that we know work well for me, like the Eleven and Double Trouble. The D2 is just that good.

 

2. Kinklab Power Tripper (available at SheVibe and Come As You Are [Canada])

I bought this for Matt as an anniversary present last year, and it was definitely one of those “this is technically for you but secretly it’s also for me” gifts. The Power Tripper is an attachment for the Neon Wand, an electrostimulation toy. When you plug the Power Tripper into the Neon Wand and then tuck it into the waistband of your underwear (or somewhere else on your body), you yourself become an E-stim toy. Every time you touch your partner, they’ll feel a zap of pain wherever you made contact.

This is really fun for sadomasochistic play, because it makes the whole process feel more organic and intuitive. It’s like being able to pick up a slice of pizza with your hands when you were previously trying to knife-and-fork your way through it. I didn’t bring any of my other Neon Wand attachments with me to New York this time because they’re delicate and bulky, but it’s okay because the Power Tripper is basically all we need at this point.

 

1. New York Toy Collective Carter (available at SheVibe and Come As You Are [Canada])

This dildo brings me so much joy, whether it’s strapped into my Aslan Leather harness, or slamming into me while my partner grips it firmly, or just sitting on a windowsill looking pretty. It was a Valentine’s Day gift from Matt, in my two favorite colors, and is simply one of the prettiest dildos I’ve ever owned.

But it’s not just pretty. It’s squishy and comfy and flexible and can also hit all my internal spots with aplomb. And I just feel better using it than I do with mass-produced toys from mainstream companies, because New York Toy Collective is a Black-, trans-, and queer-owned business, so I’m happy to support them whenever I can.

 

What were your favorite sex toys of the year?

Review: Dame Arc

Kate Sloan

When I first started buying sex toys as a teen, I wanted a vibrator that could “do it all.” That was my holy grail. And who could blame me? With minimal (if any) income, and limited privacy and storage space since I was living at home, it made more sense to look for versatile toys that could multi-task or do double duty, rather than getting a different toy for each intended usage.

As I got older and learned more about sex toys, I began to see the appeal of toys more specialized in function. There are, for example, some clit stimulators so good that they don’t need to do anything else, and some dildos so inventively shaped that I don’t even care about their inability to vibrate. But there is still something intriguing about the idea of One Sex Toy to Rule Them All – one toy that you could throw in your bag for a getaway or a sex-date and know you had your bases covered.

The Dame Arc, I’m thrilled to tell you, is that type of toy.

I was duly excited when I saw a preview of the Arc at ANME earlier this year. Dame has really stepped up their game these past couple years; once considered a bit of a joke among my sex toy reviewer friends due to their ultra-buzzy, oddly-designed Eva, they later came out with new clit vibes, like my beloved Kip, which boasted robust motors, thoughtful shapes, and cute colors. The pleasure Dame had given to clits worldwide was pleasure that G-spots deserved too, so I was glad to see they were launching not only a G-spot toy, but a G-spot toy that looked really fucking good.

It is really fucking good. My pals at TheVibed sent me one to try, in a lovely ice-blue color (it also comes in a dusty rose), and as soon as I held it in my hands and turned it on, I knew I would like it. The silicone is smooth and soft, the curve is well thought-out, the controls are easy to understand, and the vibrations are – as I’ve come to expect from Dame – impressive.

Dame’s marketing for the Arc explicitly positions it as a toy you can use clitorally for warm-up before moving to penetration. It’s odd how rare it is for sex toy companies to specifically mention the clitoral useability of penetrative vibrators, given that most of the vibrator users I know are mostly using ’em on their clits. The Arc is designed to be comfortable and ergonomic whether you’re using it externally or internally, and as someone with intermittently tricky hands and wrists, I can confirm that this toy is easy for me to handle. The hard plastic panel around the charging connectors on the back of the vibe makes it easier to keep a firm grip on the toy even when it’s lubed up, and the shape of the handle makes sense in my hand.

There’s a seam running all the way around the middle of the toy – a fairly common flaw among vibrators – but Dame has leaned into it by discussing it as a feature rather than a bug. They call it a “beaked tip” ideal for pinpoint clitoral stimulation. I tend to like my clit stimulation a bit broader, but if you prefer the tiniest of touches on your clit, this seam/ridge can focus the toy’s powerful vibrations into a very small area so you can get the specificity you need.

Vaginally, the curve is just right for my body. Not as extreme as a Pure Wand but much more pleasurable than a straight shaft, this is a Goldilocks-level G-spot toy for me. It arcs effortlessly into my spot, but doesn’t press so hard as to cause discomfort, even in the early stages of arousal when that’s always a risk for me. It locks into place fairly well behind my pubic bone, making it easy for me to thrust or rock the toy to my heart’s content, or just leave it stationary while I do other stuff to my clit. This is also exactly the type of toy that makes it super easy for me to squirt.

The motor is, as advertised, excellent. It starts low and rumbly – perfect for warm-up, or a slow and lazy wank – and stays fairly rumbly as you turn up the power. There are 5 speeds, and you can also hold down the “up” and “down” buttons for a more gradual change. (I slightly wish there was an accompanying app, as with We-Vibe toys, so I could have even more fine-tuned control of the settings.) People who need a lot of power probably won’t find this toy strong enough, and for them I would recommend putting a G-spot attachment on a wand instead. The Arc also has 5 patterns, all fairly steady rhythms that work really well for my G-spot. Even leaving the toy perfectly still inside me can feel like motion when it’s set to one of the thrumming/pulsing/pounding patterns.

Since the Arc is also waterproof and pretty quiet, I think this would be a good option for someone who has to keep their solo sex life on the down-low at home, due to kids/nosy relatives/etc. Tell your fam you’re gonna need some time alone in the bath or shower, and you should be fine! It even comes with a cute cloth storage bag bearing the (totally non-explicit) Dame logo, so you can tuck it away when you’re not using it and it won’t draw attention.

The Arc costs a cool $115 – but seems pretty reasonable when you compare it to other G-spot vibrators of similar quality, like the We-Vibe Rave ($113), BMS Factory Swan Wand ($150), and Lelo Mona 2 ($169). Dame offers a 3-year warranty, and that certainly sweetens the deal.

Overall, I think the Dame Arc is a really fantastic vibrator, one that I wish I had been able to own when I was a teen. It’s simple and elegant, yet undeniably effective. If there’s a person in your life who has a vagina and has minimal (or no) sex toy experience, I think this would be a great gift for them, because it’s not overly intimidating but is still plenty great enough to get the job done. But this is also a lovely vibe for someone like me, who’s tried hundreds of toys and just wants something that works well. With the Arc, Dame has created an all-rounder and an instant classic. I can’t wait to see what they make next.

 

Thanks so much to my friends at TheVibed for sending me this product and sponsoring this review! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.