Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Uberrime Night King

Kate Sloan

The email said, “I think we have something that may interest you. Finally, an A-spot toy.” It was from Savva at Peepshow Toys, and he had my fucking attention.

The A-spot, as you might know if you’re a dedicated reader here, is a crucial erogenous zone of mine, located deep inside the vagina, in front of the cervix. The problem Savva alluded to in his email is that there are remarkably few toys made for hitting that spot. My pal Kenton at Funkit Toys makes the Armadillo for this purpose, and I heard a rumor once that one of Fun Factory’s toys was designed with the A-spot in mind, but that’s about it. My fave toys for deep stimulation, like the G-Spoon and the Eleven, are not really meant to be pushed so deep, so they have their problems when used this way: not enough handle length to properly thrust with, for example, or a slightly too-wide head that can only burrow into the A-spot at certain finicky angles. It’s a sad state of affairs, but it’s the best I’ve got, for the most part.

The Uberrime Night King, though, is pretty indisputably an A-spot toy, which is why Savva thought of me when Peepshow started carrying it. It’s absurdly long for a dildo – 9″ total, 8″ insertable – so, much like the Tantus Uncut #1, it can get all the way inside me with a couple inches to spare for thrusting leverage. You could use this toy on your G-spot, but it would be an awkward feat for both hand and vag. It begs to fill up an orifice.

Uberrime is a company that popped onto my radar seemingly out of nowhere. They make individually handmade silicone dildos more beautiful than any I’ve seen in a long while. Peepshow carries various other Uberrime toys, and I hear good things about many of them, but the Night King is the one I’ve fallen head-over-A-spot for.

I first noticed this toy’s increasing indispensability in my sex toy collection when my Sir started commanding me to use it during phone sex more and more. He’s methodical about his toy choices for me, selecting the exact tools he knows will produce the sounds he wants to hear, or will satisfy a craving he can sense in me. (Yes, my boyfriend is a phone-sex genius.) From the very first time I used the Night King at his bidding, he told me he liked the sounds it brought out of me. They are A-spot sounds: deep, warmed-honey grunts, entirely different from my high-pitched G-spot squeaks or desperate clitoral wails. I know when a toy works well for me from how it feels, but I also trust my boyfriend’s opinion on this, since he listens to me much more intently during sex than I ever listen to myself – and he says I fucking love this toy.

He’s right. While I’m not normally a big fan of textured dildos, the swirly, vein-like ridges all over the Night King’s shaft feel delicious rubbing along my vaginal walls. But more importantly: the combination of the head, the coronal ridge, and the curve make this a stellar A-spot toy. Uncharacteristically for a dildo, the head of the Night King is slightly thinner than the 1.7″-wide shaft, and that barely-there taper allows the tip to slide right up into my reclusive A-spot, no problem. The dildo’s perfect upward curve guides it smoothly toward that spot; no cervix-jabbing here. And then there’s that magnificent coronal ridge – deep, but not sharp – providing a satisfying “popping” sensation every time the dildo moves in or out of the snug cul-de-sac in which my A-spot resides. I don’t know if Uberrime meant for this to be an A-spot dildo, but either way, they fuckin’ killed it.

Despite its vaguely extraterrestrial aesthetic, the Night King feels just dicklike enough that I can fantasize about dicks while I use it. (I mean, you can fantasize about dicks while you’re using any toy, or none at all, but I often like my toys to match my fantasies at least a little.) The dimensions of this one are in the same ballpark as my partner’s cock, and it hits my A-spot with similar aplomb, so this dildo is a mutual fave when m’dude and I have phone sex involving good ol’ PIV. Uberrime’s silicone is firm but with just enough squish to feel comfortable, so – much like flesh-and-blood dicks – the Night King feels absolutely decadent when it’s buried deep inside me while I come. Squeezing and clenching around something so simultaneously thick and spongy is… yum.

I like the Night King’s sturdy base, too. It’s easy to grip onto and thrust with – very important in a toy like this that makes me want to thrust a lot. One of my fave weird features of my Night King – which other ones probably don’t have, due to the handmade nature of these toys – is that there’s a little silver marking on the base which helps me keep the toy oriented the right way, with the curve pointed up. With a lot of other dildos, I’ll tend to rotate them slowly over time without noticing it, and often have to take them out and adjust their orientation; there’s no need to do so with the Night King, because I have a visual indicator right on the base.

The Night King is technically harness-compatible, what with that hefty base and exaggerated length; it will especially be a hit if your strap-on recipient likes getting fucked deep. But it’s also so long that it’ll tend to flop around in a harness. If you want something easier to control, I’d recommend one of Uberrime’s shorter toys, like the Splendid or the Essential. Or you could just deal with the floppiness. It won’t move around much once it’s buried deep inside someone, after all. (Cue vaginal drooling here.)

Being a sex toy snob of the highest order, I’m almost never this enamored with a new toy these days. But the Night King has worked its way into my regular rotation, because it’s just that fucking good. If you love deep penetration and can contend with this toy’s girth and texture, I think you’ll find this dildo heavenly. Finally, the sex toy industry has acknowledged us A-spot fiends. I hope this is the start of a trend!

 

Thanks so much to Peepshow Toys for sending me this toy to review! Check out their complete selection of Uberrime toys.

In Praise of the Humble Wand Vibe (+ Win a Lelo Smart Wand!)

Kate Sloan

Wand vibrators, though iconic, are not exactly glamorous. They’re more utilitarian than sensual; more like an open fire hydrant than a bucolic meadow mist. As queen of the sex toy reviewers Epiphora put it, “I don’t feel very sexy using a wand… I’m getting the job done. I have the ideal tool for the job, and orgasm is GOING TO HAPPEN. I see it more as an instigator of orgasm than a sensual sort of experience.”

This is partly because the best-known wand vibes are made for muscle massage, or at least purport to be. I’m sure that this sterile, clinical aesthetic is important to lots of these wands’ users, rather than a detraction: I know I love wands when I’m depressed, for example, when the thought of touching my genitals or actually being “sexy” in any way can feel gross, overly intimate. I’m also drawn to them for medical-play scenes; a doctor wielding a vibrating purple dong just doesn’t stoke the imagination like that same doctor calmly pressing a smooth blue-and-white wand against my bits.

Then there’s the contingent of people who find wands too distractingly huge – or, worse, too intimidatingly pleasurable – to incorporate into sex. While no one is obliged to participate in any sex act they’re not into, denying your partner their truest pleasure because it mildly inconveniences you is kind of a dick move.

All of these problems, however, are alleviated when you choose a wand vibe that’s sleeker, more ergonomic, and more compact than the best-known contenders. That’s the niche Lelo was trying to fill when they created the Smart Wand Large. (There’s also a medium-sized version, but it’s not as powerful/rumbly, and, well, you know me: if it’s not a jackhammer then what’s the point?) With its smooth silicone, curved handle, and elegant aesthetic, this wand is a worthy option for people who kinda turn up their nose at the sight of a clunky Hitachi, but still want their vibrations deep and powerful.

Now that your interest is piqued, I’ll fire up your imagination even more: here are some of my all-time favorite things to do with wand vibes…

  • Vibrations with a side of fingerbanging. Being fingerfucked is one of my favorite things in the world, but I only get off from it if I’m getting adequate clit stimulation at the same time. Usually I provide this myself, with fingers or a toy, but lately my partner and I have developed enough trust that I let him hold a vibe against me with one hand while the fingers of his other hand are stroking my insides. We find that wands are the best tool for this job, because – unlike something smaller and more finicky – they can be held pretty much anywhere on my vulva and feel pretty damn good.
  • Forced orgasm. Take the previous point to the next level by adding a dash of bondage, a spoonful of D/s, and perhaps a sprinkle of sensory deprivation. Some wands are so powerful, they can make you feel like you’re hurtling uncontrolled toward orgasm, making them perfect for this type of kink scene.
  • Casual vibin’. I love letting a wand vibe meander aimlessly all over my vulva while I watch porn, read erotica, fantasize, or just listen to my partner spin sexy stories for me over the phone. I can keep my wand on a low setting for a while, revving me up physically while some other stimulus revs me up mentally. As someone who takes a while to get turned on and get off, I appreciate the broad, diffused feeling a wand can provide, for its usefulness in the early stages of arousal.

And now, an exciting treat: Lelo is offering a Smart Wand Large (perhaps the prettiest wand vibe I’ve ever seen?) to one lucky reader. This giveaway is only open to entrants in the United States. It will run for 2 weeks.

Even if you don’t win, you can use the code GIRLY15 to get 15% off your order at Lelo.com until February 10th. Yay!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Heads up: this post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own. In light of Lelo’s history, I’ve donated 40% of the fee I received for this post to the Interval House, a Toronto-based shelter for survivors of domestic violence.

Review: Steel Dragon Claw

Kate Sloan

I’ve been a sex toy reviewer for nearly seven years, and toys can still surprise me sometimes.

I asked Honour to send me their steel dragon claw, solely because… I didn’t have anything like it. It’s not that I particularly thought I would love it, or use it a lot – I just wanted to try something new. And I’m glad I did, because this toy is deceptively delightful.

My partner and I have taken to calling this toy “the weird scratchy thing,” and that about sums it up. It’s a five-fingered metal claw designed for sensation play. The talons aren’t sharp enough to break skin, but depending on how much pressure you apply, they can leave pale scratches or thin red welts. After my partner attacked my arms and thighs with the dragon claw in one particularly voracious scene, I even noticed what appeared to be bruises in the shape of scratches: long bluish-purple lines crisscrossing my skin for a day or two afterward. I am the type of kinkster who relishes finding new ways to be marked, so this thrilled me to my core.

Of course, being metal, this toy lends itself well to temperature play, if you’re into that. Being scratched by cold talons is a cool sensation, and the shaft and handle of the toy could also feel delicious on the skin if pre-cooled in cold (not too cold!) water. You could also heat the toy up for even more sensory possibilities.

This toy isn’t just good for scratching, though. The thick, rounded handle makes a pretty hefty little impact toy (so long as you can hang onto the other end comfortably enough), as does the back of the dragon’s “hand.” I can’t speak to the body-safety of this metal for internal use, but I would imagine the handle could feel good inserted vaginally or anally, if you’re into that. (I’d rather just use a dildo, though.)

I find it oddly charming that the dragon claw comes in its own elegant black case, with a foam cutout to place it in and a little clasp to close the box. I don’t know how practical this storage option is – it takes up a lot of extra room in, say, a suitcase or play bag, and this isn’t an especially delicate toy the likes of which might actually need its own case – but it’s a nice touch nonetheless. Toys that come with their own storage like this are especially good for gifting, so if a kinkster in your life is into sensation play and appreciates the unusual, the steel dragon claw could make a nice present for them. Throw in a blindfold and some under-the-bed restraints and you can give them an entire scene, ready to go.

At £23.99 (about $31 USD or $41 CAD), this claw is a not-super-expensive kinky treat that I think a lot of people would enjoy. I certainly like it more than I expected to. Whether you use it to dish out some light scratches or some serious pain, it feels lovely and looks great. I’m glad I kept an open mind and gave this one a shot.

 

Thanks to Honour for sending me this product to try! They have a ton of other kinky products and apparel you should check out.

Review: Blush Novelties Avant Pride P1

Kate Sloan

There have been many debates on my social media timelines recently about objects’ aesthetics versus their usefulness. Some people say, for example, that there’s no reason to keep books once you’ve read them, because you’ve already absorbed the information therein, while others insist books are personal objects worth keeping and curating into visually pleasing collections. Some people tuck their lingerie, neatly folded, into drawers, while others proudly drape their silks and satins everywhere. Some people have a practical lamp hanging from their bedroom ceiling, while others – like me – have a fucking disco ball.

When it comes to sex toys, however, for the most part I am more interested in function than appearance. My favorite vibrators are the Magic Wand and Eroscillator, both widely considered some of the ugliest in the biz. My favorite dildos are made of glass, not because they’re gorgeous (though they are) but because they press firmly against my internal spots. I chose the simple black Liberator Throe, because I want it to keep squirt and blood off my sheets, not jazz up my decor. Y’know?

But when Tabu Toys offered me a product of my choice from their “lesbian sex toys” section (which, by the way, other types of people can use these toys, and lesbians can use other types of toys, and not all lesbians are cis women!), my eyes fixed immediately on the Blush Avant Pride P1 dildo. I had no idea if it would work for me, or for my partners. I just knew it looked gay as heck and I wanted it.

Pegging is still a relatively new thing for me, and wearing a cock still feels a little odd. It helps to use dicks that are glitzy and bright, dicks that make me feel aggressively girly, dicks that pointedly are not flesh-and-blood dicks. So I figured I would like strapping on the P1 and pushing it into my partner.

Before I go any further, I gotta say: this dildo is smaller than I was expecting. At only 6 inches total in length, it’s not ideal if you or your receiving partner are fans of deep penetration. Once you factor in the base and the harness, there’s really only about 5 inches of insertable length. That’s fine for hitting most G-spots and prostates, but it doesn’t give you a whole lotta leeway.

It has a big bump near the base that tops out at 1.4″ wide, but I feel it’s a bit oddly positioned: it doesn’t even go in unless I push almost uncomfortably deep, whether I’m pegging a partner or just fucking myself with this toy. The head is smaller, and it does press against good spots, but there’s no “wow” factor. It’s like someone is warming up my G-spot with one gentle finger, rather than pounding against it with two or three strong ones. My partner agreed: he said it didn’t leave him panting from prostate stimulation the way something made of steel or firmer silicone can, but it was enjoyable nonetheless.

The neck of the toy, too, leaves something to be desired. It’s nicely shaped – I like the way it gently tapers from the head, making my vag want to pull the toy deeper – but it’s just too floppy to make this dildo a decent G-spotter or prostate toy. Those spots tend to need firm touch, and the P1 bends under pressure.

All of that said – the aesthetics of this toy still appeal to me. I feel cute wearing it; I like seeing it on my nightstand; I dream of wearing it strapped into my red leather thigh harness to some kind of X-rated Pride event someday. It looks adorable sliding in and out of someone’s mouth, like a vibrant little lollipop. My partner likes how the colored stripes give you a way to measure how much of the toy you take on each try, so you can challenge yourself to take more: “I got up to blue this time!”

I admire that Blush offers high-quality silicone dildos at reasonable prices – this one is $45 – and that much of their marketing is relatively gender-neutral. This is a dildo I might recommend for someone who was new to prostate stimulation and/or pegging and wanted something comfortable and unintimidating; it’s just not going to be a go-to for people like me and my partner, who’ve already stuck a bunch of stuff in our holes and have grander visions for them now.

There should be more rainbow dicks in the world, is what I’m saying.

 

Thanks to Tabu Toys for sending me the Blush Novelties Avant Pride P1 to try! This review was sponsored, and as always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 1 Fantastic Toy Company

Kate Sloan

Every December, I choose and highlight one company whose products tangibly improved my year, and that I think all my readers need to know about. Usually it’s a tricky decision, but the astute among you could probably already guess what company I chose, because I’ve been harping on about them all year long: Weal & Breech and L’Amour-Propre.

“But Kate!” you might be saying. “That’s two companies!” Yes, technically. But they’re run by the same duo, Josh and Tal, both excellent humans who make kinky trinkets here in my hometown of Toronto. And frankly, I couldn’t pick just one!

L’Amour-Propre deals primarily in acrylic pins and suede collars, each of which I have several of. My first item from them was a turquoise suede collar, bought basically as a fashion accessory late last year. However, as my relationship with my then-new partner developed, more and more products by this delightful little company became important in the story of our ~looove~. My darlin’ bought me a “Pun Slut” pin, for example, because he understands my soul. And when we decided we both wanted him to collar me, this royal blue suede collar was the only option we ever seriously considered. I still vividly remember the way he stared at me in the NoMad dining room as we discussed our collaring plans – like he couldn’t wait to wrap that suede around my neck and own me.

That collar was beautiful and served us well. But we were even more thrilled when, a few months later, we inquired about a custom upgrade because the suede wasn’t quite holding up to the sweaty wear-and-tear we’d put it through. Tal sought out a gorgeous blue leather at our request, and made a new collar for me that has thus far proved much hardier. We greatly appreciated Tal’s willingness to make our dream collar a reality.

Another fave kinky accessory of mine comes from L’Amour-Propre too: a heart-shaped lock we had engraved with the word “Daddy’s.” I wear mine on a chain around my neck to occasions where my regular collar might look out of place or not quite fancy enough. I adore it.

As a side note: Tal also does custom-engraved pins, which are ideal if you’re going to an event and want to clearly telegraph your name, Twitter handle, pronouns, or any other crucial information. And their new leather bookmarks are a kinky bookworm’s dream.

Weal & Breech, meanwhile, makes impact toys more gorgeous than any I have ever seen. I’ve collected several of their products over the two years they’ve been in business: a sturdy and stingy paddle, a sensually smooth truncheon, and a terrifying pair of nipple clamps. All of mine are made of purpleheart wood, because I enjoy the matchy-ness of that, and because it’s visually stunning.

Most recently, though, my partner reached out to W&B’s founder Josh to inquire about an anniversary gift for me. The company had recently Instagrammed prototypes of a hefty new mallet they had in the works, and both my BF and I had drooled over ’em and wanted one real bad. My partner asked if Josh could make one for me, and Josh – who I think of as the Ollivander of impact toys – knew, of course, that it should be made of purpleheart to match my other pieces. The final, perfect touch is a wrist strap made of the same blue leather as my collar – another thing my partner didn’t even have to request. Josh and Tal are sweetheart-geniuses. My mallet is unimaginably beautiful, and easily the thuddiest impact toy I own. Swoooon!

What was your favorite sex toy company of the year?