I’ve never been much for aesthetics when it comes to my sex toys. The way I see it, if all I’m doing with an object is shoving it inside me or holding it on my clit while I stare at porn or my partner, then who really cares what it looks like?
But of course, that view is reductive, and doesn’t take into account the broad range of ways sex toys’ aesthetics can feel affirming or exciting to their users. Just because I don’t look at my sex toys during use doesn’t mean nobody does. A toy that feels in line with your gender presentation and ideal aesthetic can take a sexual experience from good to delightful. That’s part of why I’m so glad FemmeFunn exists.
FemmeFunn makes – as their name suggests – whimsical, feminine-looking sex toys. While there’s some debate about whether femme means feminine and whether a sex toy can, in fact, be femme, I have sometimes felt my femme identity being affirmed by toys like these. Not all of this company’s products are super girly – they have a range of realistic cocks and some masculine-coded butt toys – but girliness is what they’re known for and it’s what they do best.
I requested two toys from their line: the insertable Diamond Wand and the clitorally-focused Bunny Massager. Let’s get into it, shall we?
It’s easier for me to talk about the Bunny Massager because my opinion on it is simple: I’m not a fan. I’d hoped I would like it because I’ve previously liked other two-pronged clitoral vibes, like the We-Vibe Gala and Jimmyjane Form 2. I like the way they wrap around the clitoral shaft rather than attacking the head of the clit like so many vibes do. It often makes them a better option for those of us with hypersensitive clits that protest when touched too directly.
This bunny’s flexible ears are optimally shaped and spaced for this type of stimulation: my clit fits comfortably between them, and their soft oval shape lets them stimulate both my clitoral shaft and the internal portions of my clit with aplomb. Or rather, it would, if this toy’s vibrations were rumbly at all.
But alas – this toy is buzzy as fuck. There’s very little gradation in intensity between the 7 different speeds and patterns, so it starts too strong and just gets stronger. The high-pitched, surface-level vibrations just annoy my clit and make it feel battered by sensation. I could get off with this toy, maybe, but it would take forever and wouldn’t even feel good, so what’s the point?
The Diamond Wand, by comparison, is a dream. Its bigger motor is rumblier, though still probably too buzzy to satisfy devotees of the Tango or Mona. Despite its name, it’s not a wand in the traditional sense – it isn’t Hitachi-sized or designed solely for external stimulation – but it does serve up power the likes of which I’d expect from a wand. My friend JoEllen even liked it, and she usually favors big-ass wands like the Doxy.
The Diamond Wand’s shape makes it useable either clitorally or vaginally (but not anally – no flared base), and I’ve enjoyed it both ways. Inserted, it lacks the curve it would need to please my G-spot or A-spot, but its vibrations are powerful enough that it still quakes those zones indirectly. Used externally, its pointed tip, bulbous head, and textured shaft all seem to conduct the vibrations equally well, so you can position it however feels best for you. It’s also got a fair amount of flexibility to it, which, as JoEllen points out, allows it to “wrap” around the body a bit, so you can stimulate, for example, the labia and vaginal opening at the same time.
Like the Bunny Massager, the Diamond Wand has very little variation in intensity between its many speeds and patterns – but it’s less of an issue with this toy because I can move it to different spots of my vulva more easily if I want to mitigate the sensation. The most annoying thing about this vibe, which is true of the Bunny Massager too, is that you have to scroll through all the modes using only one button. A single-button system is fine if your toy only has a few modes, but the Diamond Wand has twenty-one. Yes, that’s right: if you get overstimulated on a high vibration setting and want to get back to a lower one, you have to click a button about twenty times. I am someone for whom moment-to-moment shifts in vibration strength can make or break an orgasm, so this is a huge drawback for me and is the main thing keeping this toy from achieving top-drawer status.
So what’s my final verdict? At $74.99, the Bunny Massager is way pricier than a cheap watch-battery bullet and will numb you out just as badly, so you might as well not bother. FemmeFunn’s bestselling Ultra Bullet is much rumblier and only costs $69.99 (nice). The Diamond Wand is $89.99, and I think that’s a fair price for this versatile, vivacious vibrator – though if you tend to decrease and increase vibration speed a lot when you use vibes, you’d be better off with something that has more than one button, like the Lelo Gigi 2 or Jimmyjane Iconic Wand.
While these toys haven’t made their way into my top drawer, they do look nice on my nightstand. I’m pretty sure no object has ever distilled my gender identity quite like FemmeFunn’s bright pink and turquoise vibrators.
Thanks so much to FemmeFunn for sending me these products to try! This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.