Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker

Kate Sloan

My preferences for clit-sucker toys are so specific, I can usually tell if I’ll like one just by looking at it. And as soon as I saw the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker, I figured it would get along well with my clit – and I was correct about that.

(Don’t you wish it worked that way with human clit-suckers, too? Like gaydar but for pussy-eating skills… I’m sure my adventures on Tinder in my twenties would have been a lot more satisfying if I had cunnilingual clairvoyance!)

What is the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker?

This cute little toy uses air-pulse technology, also known as pressure-wave technology, to stimulate the clit with rhythmic waves of air. While companies often refer to these toys as clit-suckers, they don’t actually apply suction in the way that something like a clit pump does – but some people describe them as feeling like oral sex nonetheless.

This Funzze air-pulse toy is made of silicone and ABS plastic, retails for $33.99, and runs for about an hour on an hour-long charge.

Things I like about the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker:

  • It can get me off, no problem! To me, this toy’s air waves feel more like rumbly vibration that surrounds the tip of my clit. They’re low-pitched enough that I can feel them both on the surface of my skin and more deeply in the internally-buried parts of my clit. This leads to orgasms that are intense, deep, and fully felt – unlike orgasms from the buzzy vibration or weak pressure waves found on many other toys at this price point. I actually said “Whoa” out loud after coming with this toy for the first time, because I was that surprised 😂
  • The reason I requested this toy to review is that it has a larger mouth than most other toys in its category, a quality my clit tends to prefer. The hole has a diameter of 1.4 cm, or just over half an inch. That’s nearly as big as the mouth of my beloved Lelo Sila – although the Funzze toy’s mouth is only about 1.1 cm (0.43″) deep, versus the Sila’s mouth depth of 1.5 cm (0.59″), so I wouldn’t recommend this Funzze toy for anyone who has a large clit or who wants their whole clitoral shaft stimulated. The Sila is still better for those cases, albeit wayyyy more expensive.
  • This toy’s mouth has softly rounded silicone edges, which makes it comfortable to use and allows it to maintain a better seal around my clit, even if I writhe around a little during a session. (Always use lube – ideally a water-based formula – with pressure-wave toys, by the way! They feel a lot better and are less prone to causing irritation that way.)
  • It won’t be to everyone’s tastes, but I like this toy’s lovecore-y aesthetic! The heart-shaped button is cute, and I appreciate that it’s made of grippy silicone, while the rest of the toy’s body is made of glossy ABS plastic, so the button is easy to locate by feel and to keep a good grip on, even with lubey fingers.
  • At just 3.6″ tall by 2″ wide, this toy is petite and therefore arguably travel-friendly; it doesn’t have a travel-lock function, but it does come with a drawstring storage bag for travel.
  • It only costs $34! Honestly pretty rare for a toy at that price point to make me come 😆

Things I don’t like about the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker:

  • This toy has 8 settings, with just one button to cycle through all of them – and bafflingly, the settings are 2 steady speeds followed by 6 annoyingly inconsistent patterns. The patterns could be good if you love tease & denial, but personally, I mostly reach for sex toys when I want satisfaction, not frustration! Those of us who prefer steady speeds (which is most users) generally appreciate having more than just 2 to choose from – especially since this toy starts off fairly intense, so I have to get myself turned on using my hand (or another toy) before I’ll be able to enjoy this one.
  • Like most pressure-wave toys, this one’s mouth is sized such that it’ll only focus on the tip of your clit, if your clit is medium-to-large. I prefer indirect clitoral stimulation so I usually prefer to use these toys through my clitoral hood, which, to be fair, is entirely doable with this toy.
  • This toy is louder than I was expecting, for how petite it is. Even when its mouth is full of clit, it makes a somewhat grating buzzing noise, albeit one that likely couldn’t be heard through a closed door.
  • I think this toy is slightly too bulky, depth-wise, to fit well between bodies in the missionary position (whether for PIV or strap-on sex). You could manage it with an adapted position that allows for slightly more space between your pelvises.
  • Confusingly, the toy’s product page says it’s fully waterproof, while its manual and product specs say it’s only splashproof. (I suspect this may be the result of poor A.I. translation, as is common these days, but who knows.) In any case, I wish this toy was fully waterproof as its webpage claims, because I like using clit stimulators in the bath sometimes.

Final thoughts

I am always on the lookout for pressure-wave toys at an affordable price point, because many people want to try them, but (reasonably!) don’t want to drop $150+ on a really nice one when they don’t even know if they’ll enjoy the sensation. To that end, I’m glad that the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker only costs $34, because that means that more people get to access the pleasures of this type of toy!

That being said, only having two steady speeds is a pretty big flaw, since most users prefer them (according to various informal Twitter polls that I and my colleagues have run over the years, anyway). This toy’s noise level also makes it tough to recommend for anyone who needs utmost discretion or just prefers quieter toys.

But I can’t deny that this toy brings me to some sharply intense orgasms. Its laser-focused clitoral directness isn’t always what I’m in the mood for – but it’s a sweet, cute, ultra-portable little mouth that can make me come and only costs $34, and I think that’s pretty neat.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: SeekHeart Buniva rabbit vibrator

Kate Sloan

Sex toy reviewers are basically genital daredevils. We take risks with our junk so our readers don’t have to. 🫡

Or at least, that’s what I told myself when I first took the SeekHeart Buniva rabbit vibe out of its box – because it looked a little scary, to be honest with you! The spindly, ribbed sections on its shaft almost looked like teeth in the maw of some great, gaping monster.

And yet, being the vaginal stuntwoman that I am, I was deeply curious – because I’d never seen a rabbit vibe that looked like this before, and trust me, I’ve tried a lot of them! So I lubed up the Buniva and put it through its paces. Here’s what I learned…

What is the SeekHeart Buniva?

A rabbit vibrator is a specific type of dual-stimulation vibrator – that is, a vibe that offers both external and internal stimulation at the same time. This one has two independently-operated motors, one for each “arm” of the toy: an internal one for vaginal pleasure, and a classic pair of little bunny ears for clitoral pleasure.

What sets the Buniva apart from other rabbits is the hollow, ribbed section at its center. There is a spindly texture on the parts of the toy that (at least theoretically) rub against both the upper vaginal wall near the entrance and the external part of the urethra/possibly the clitoral shaft, depending on how your anatomy happens to line up with the toy. (More on this later.)

The Buniva is made of silicone and ABS plastic, lasts about 55 minutes on a 90-minute charge, and is IPX6 water-resistant, meaning you can wash it in the sink or use it in the shower, but should not submerge it in water.

Things I like about the SeekHeart Buniva:

  • When I saw its instruction manual describe this toy’s vaginal arm as having “deep, rumbly vibrations,” I scoffed and said out loud, “Yeah, right; I’ll believe it when I see it,” because of how many sex toy companies lie about this nowadays – but actually, the Buniva follows through on that claim! The vibrations of this toy’s internal arm are deliciously low-pitched and pretty strong. I enjoyed using this part of the toy on my clit, getting myself turned on before moving on to penetration – and once it was inside me, the deep vibrations felt wonderful on my vaginal walls and especially my A-spot, which the toy’s slightly upturned, 5.5-inch-long shaft can hit easily.
  • This toy lends itself well to being thrusted during use, which is unusual for a rabbit vibe – typically they lose clit contact when you try to thrust them, but this one is designed such that the clitoral arm moves/bends with you as you push the toy in and out. As with any dual-stim toy, it won’t work for everyone, because different people have different amounts of distance between their clit and vaginal opening – but the flexibility of the Buniva’s clitoral arm makes it fairly adaptable in this regard.
  • Okay, let’s talk about that spiky-looking texture! It might appear to be painful, but when you look at it up close, it’s more like the texture on those “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms – which is to say, it’ll be painful for some people, but plenty of other people will enjoy it. Just make sure to lube up this area of the toy really well for optimal results. At its best, the ribbing on the vaginal arm massaged my G-spot on each thrust. I wasn’t able to take the toy deep enough for the clitoral arm’s ribbing to make contact with my body, but someone with a vaginal depth of at least 5.5″ would be able to feel it against either their clit or the external part of their urethra. Urethral stimulation certainly isn’t for everyone, but some people like it, especially since the urethra is part of the super-sensitive CUV (clitourethrovaginal) complex. I’ve rarely seen a vibe that targets this zone so directly.
  • I appreciate that this toy charges via USB-C, because I always have one of those around to charge my laptop + Kindle anyway. I wish more sex toy companies would use existing charging-port shapes like this, rather than making proprietary ones.
  • At the time I’m writing this, SeekHeart currently sells this toy for a wildly low $14.83 on Amazon, or $35.49 on their own website. I don’t know how they can afford to price it that low, but a vibe of this quality could easily be sold for $40-60, so this is an impressive price.
  • This is a decently quiet toy, especially on the lower settings.

Things I don’t like about the Seekheart Buniva:

  • This toy’s biggest flaw is, unfortunately, all too common: the vibrations of its clitoral stimulator are annoyingly buzzy/high-pitched and not particularly strong. Given that the majority of people with vulvas need clit stimulation to reach orgasm, it always perplexes me when companies seem to treat their dual- or triple-stim toys’ clitoral arm as an afterthought, when for many users it’ll be the most important component of the toy. If the Buniva’s clitoral arm was as rumbly and powerful as its internal arm, I’d be able to give this vibrator a more enthusiastic endorsement, but alas, it is not.
  • Although (as mentioned) I sometimes enjoy the toy’s ribbed texture against my G-spot, there are other times when it feels mildly scrapey/irritating. It’s crucial to lube up that part of the toy for maximal comfort – and you’ll also want to clean it super-duper-extra well between uses and pee after using it, to reduce the odds of a UTI.
  • Each of the toy’s 2 motors offers only 3 steady speeds followed by 7 vibration patterns. Most users prefer steady speeds, myself included, so I always wish there would be at least 5 of them, to allow for more variety and a smoother gradation between settings.
  • It’s rare that I feel strongly about a toy’s aesthetics, but I don’t like the color of this one. It’s a muted shade of brownish-red that reminds me of menstrual blood. (Although, hey, maybe that makes it ideal for menstrual masturbation!)

Final thoughts

I was surprised that this toy was able to bring me to orgasm, given that its clitoral vibrations are fairly buzzy and weak, and that I – like most people with my anatomy – only get off when there’s good clit stim going on.

But the Buniva does something interesting: it stimulates the internal parts of the clit as well, with its ripply texture, deep A-spot-focused vibrations, and thrustability. My orgasms with this toy would certainly feel better if its clitoral arm was rumblier and stronger, so that I could actually feel the clit stim at the moment of climax, instead of being slightly desensitized from the buzzy vibrations – but it’s a testament to this toy’s smart design that I can come with it nonetheless, due to how it massages my internal clit when I thrust with it.

If you prefer to keep your rabbit vibes stationary, this one probably isn’t for you, because it shines best when thrusted. But if you want a maximalist, ultra-textured rabbit that’ll surround your clit in vibrations from all sides while you thrust with it, the surprisingly affordable Buniva‘s got the goods. It’s not as scary as it looks, I promise.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

3 of My Hottest Dildo-Based Fantasies 🍆✨

Kate Sloan

If you want to know what the comfiest running shoes are, ask an athlete. If you want to know the best tea for a sore throat, ask a singer. And if you want to know the best ways to use a dildo, ask a sex toy reviewer. I’ve almost hit my Malcom Gladwell ten thousand hours on this shit!

I kid, I kid… There are infinite ways to use a dildo, none of which are any “better” or “worse” than any other, as long as you’re going about it consensually and safely (and hopefully with lots of lube!). But one thing I’ve learned in my 13+ years of reviewing sex toys professionally, which I’ll share with you incase it helps you, is this: Using a dildo is even more enjoyable when you pair it with a suitable fantasy.

In fact, that’s usually where I start, when I’m testing a dildo for a review. I have to get myself turned on and wet enough to use the toy, and I’ve found that the best way to do that is to devise a hot fantasy that’s related to that particular toy. You can always fantasize about whatever you like, of course, but I find a thematically relevant fantasy particularly effective!

So, courtesy of the lovely sponsor of this post, Epic Dildos, I’d like to tell you about a few of my favorite dildo-centric fantasies – and some dildos that would pair well with them!

The Vixen Creations Bandit (all individual product photos courtesy of Epic Dildos)

The group sex fantasy

Lemme level with ya… Once upon a time, I was known in my friend group as the gal who loved to orchestrate threesomes – which I enjoyed greatly! – but those days are behind me now. I’ve come to realize that one-on-one encounters are way more my speed.

That being said, I still have group sex fantasies on occasion – as do many other people; it’s consistently been found to be one of the most common fantasies, across gender lines. Mine are usually of a cuckold-y variety. To divulge one frequent example, I enjoy the thought of my partner going down on me while a “special guest star” fucks me, and I sometimes fantasize about this while receiving head from my partner (who explicitly encourages me to do so).

Naturally, this fantasy is particularly potent when I’m actually being penetrated – and realistic dildos are the best tool for the job. My very favorites in that category are all made by Vixen Creations and feature dual-density silicone, i.e. they have a firm silicone core encased in a squishier outer layer, for an ultra-realistic feel. The VixSkin Bandit is a personal favorite of mine and my partner’s; it’s plenty long enough to hit my A-spot, but not so ridiculously thick that I need extensive warm-up before using it. This dildo fucking rules.

The Night Prowler dildo

The omegaverse fantasy

If you’re not familiar with the term ‘omegaverse,’ let me get you up to speed: it’s a trope mostly found in fanfiction, wherein there are “alpha” humans and “omega” humans. Omegas can “go into heat” like animals, thereby attracting alphas. Like canine creatures, alphas have the ability to “knot” during sex, meaning that part of their shaft swells in such a way that their dick is essentially stuck inside their partner, until they ejaculate and let the knotting subside.

I’ve been called upon to review a number of canine-esque dildos over the course of my career, and I always seem to gravitate toward omegaverse fantasies when using them. There’s something so hot about the idea of someone being (consensually) trapped inside me by their own arousal, until they finally get off. And there are about a zillion knotted fantasy dildos on the market to go along with these thoughts.

The Tantus Vamp

The sentient dildo fantasy

This has been a fave of mine over the past year or so, for whatever reason… I’m intrigued by the idea of a dildo gaining sentience, at least enough to be able to feel pleasure. I like to imagine it being vaguely confused but also super aroused as I slowly push it into me and begin thrusting it in and out. Sometimes I even combine this one with my premature ejaculation kink and imagine that the dildo reaches orgasm too soon and has to push through its subsequent sensitivity as I continue to use it, oblivious to its suffering. 😈

One great thing about this fantasy is that it works with any and every dildo – so I’ll take the opportunity to shout out the Tantus Vamp, one of the first realistic dildos I adored when I started reviewing sex toys.

What are your favorite fantasies to pair with dildos? Feel free to let me know in the comments!

 

This post was sponsored by Epic Dildos, a site with excellent navigational tools for finding your dream dildo: you can shop by size, style, color, material, and more! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Lovense Lush Mini wearable vibrator

Kate Sloan

Happy new-Lovense-product day to all who celebrate!! 🎉 Lovense launched their newest vibrator today, the Lush Mini. They asked me to be one of the first people to review it, which always makes me feel like a vaginal VIP.

The Lush Mini is the latest iteration in Lovense’s line of Lush vibrators; I’ve previously reviewed the Lush 3 and Lush 4, so I was intrigued to see a slightly smaller version being released. These are G-spot vibes, meant to be “worn” vaginally: the bulbous internal arm presses against your G-spot while the slimmer external arm stays outside the body, on your clit.

They’re bulkier than something like a We-Vibe, so I wouldn’t recommend wearing one during penetrative sex, unless you adore feeling overstuffed! They don’t transmit much clitoral stimulation in the way that We-Vibes and Lovense’s own Dolce do – they’re all about G-spot stimulation. (They also lack a flared base, so they’re not anal-safe; get an Edge 2 if you want to experience Lovense’s amazing vibrations on your prostate.)

So, how different is the Lush Mini from its predecessors, and is it worth upgrading if you’ve already got a Lush? Let’s get into it!

Top row: Lovense Lush 4 (L) and Lush 3 (R). Bottom row: Lush Mini.

How does the Lovense Lush Mini compare to the other Lush vibes?

Here, have a comparison table!

Widest diameter

31 mm (1.22 inches)

37 mm (1.46 inches)

37 mm (1.46 inches)

Noise level

36 db

36 db

43 db

Battery life

40-minute charge lasts up to 3.9 hours

45-minute charge lasts up to 5.8 hours

77-minute charge lasts up to 3.7 hours

Weight

58 g

75 g

75 g

Price

$129

$129

$119

As you can see, the main difference is size: the Lush Mini is 6 millimeters slimmer than the other Lushes (that’s about a quarter-inch). Accordingly, it’s 23% lighter, and its battery doesn’t last quite as long. It’s priced the same as the Lush 4.

Here are some things that are true of all three Lushes:

  • All of them are IPX7 waterproof, so you can get them wet and even submerge them in water without issue.
  • All of them can be controlled either via a button on the toy itself, or via Lovense’s app.
  • All of them are made of silicone and electroplated plastic.
  • All three vibes seem to use the same motor; they feel equally powerful and rumbly.
L to R: Lush Mini, Lush 4, and Lush 3

Things I like about the Lush Mini:

  • The quarter-inch difference in width between the Lush Mini and its predecessors may seem minor, but it makes a noticeable difference. I think a lot of users would prefer the smaller size, because it’s easier to insert even when you’re only mildly-to-moderately turned on (ideally with water-based lube!), whereas a larger Lush might require a bit more warm-up first for some users. I also find the Lush Mini more comfortable for long-term wear due to its smaller size, so I think it’s the better pick for surreptitious public-play scenes, especially hours-long ones.
  • This toy’s vibrations are every bit as wonderful as I’ve come to expect all Lovense vibes to be. They’re deliciously rumbly, and have an impressively wide range of intensities which you can customize quite precisely using the Lovense app.
  • Speaking of the app: I always sing the praises of Lovense’s Bluetooth functionality every time I review one of their products, but they really are doing the app-control thing better than any other sex toy company right now, IMO. Connecting a toy to their app is quick, easy, and intuitive. The app allows you to program your own vibration patterns or try someone else’s, control the vibe yourself or invite a long-distance partner to do so, and sync the vibrations to music or other sounds, among a cornucopia of other features. The vibrations respond quickly and seamlessly to my ministrations in the app. The whole interface is thoughtfully designed and encourages playful experimentation.
  • The Lush Mini’s neck is a bit shorter and possibly more rigid than the necks of previous Lushes, which allows it to maintain slightly firmer pressure against my G-spot during use, and helps keep it from sliding around. Once it’s on my spot, it usually stays there, unless I get really wet… which admittedly does sometimes happen, since this toy is prone to making me squirt, hands-free!
  • Interestingly, the external arm of the Lush Mini seems to conduct vibration significantly more than those of the previous Lushes. I still wouldn’t consider this a clitoral vibrator per se (unless you subscribe to the theory that the G-spot is actually just the back of the clit…), but it feels noticeably more pleasurable to me than previous Lush toys because it stimulates my clit more. I still don’t think I could get off from this toy alone, because I tend to need stronger clit vibration than G-spot vibration to reach orgasm, but it gets me a lot closer than any other Lush, and feels better during that process.
  • As with the other Lushes, the Mini’s shape is excellent for hitting the G-spot with minimal effort. The way it juts out to meet your spot is so cool and just feels right.
  • The Lush Mini’s ~4-hour battery life is impressive enough, but even more impressive is its “fast-charging” function: if you plug in the Lush Mini for just 7 minutes, it’ll charge up enough for an hour of play. This is an especially useful quality in a vibe you might want to wear out on a dinner date (or similar) like this one, since it sucks to realize your vibe is dead as you’re leaving the house for an impromptu public sexcapade. Avoid that whole nightmare by plugging in your Lush Mini for 7 minutes while you brush your teeth, style your hair, etc. before your date – easy-peasy.
  • Like most Lovense toys, this one is very quiet and therefore discreet. Love that.

Things I don’t like about the Lush Mini:

  • While the Mini’s smaller internal arm makes it more comfortable for long-term wear, the trade-off is: my orgasms with this toy inside me aren’t as intense as those with previous Lushes, simply because there’s less girth to squeeze around during those climactic muscle contractions. The difference is minor, though.
  • On principle it annoys me slightly that the Mini is priced the same as the Lush 4 ($129) because it seems like a smaller vibe should be cheaper, although realistically I know that the mechanics are largely the same and it probably costs about the same to make.

Final thoughts

There’s a lot to love about the Lush Mini, and I think many shoppers will gravitate toward it, rather than the other Lushes, because of its beginner-friendly petite form factor. It’s easier to insert, requires less warm-up, and is comfier for long-term wear than its predecessors, due to its slimmer silhouette. But the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and the Lush Mini shares tons of fabulous qualities with its older sisters: it’s strong and rumbly, quiet, waterproof, sturdily-built, and has great Bluetooth connectivity and battery life.

G-spot vibration isn’t always my jam, but the Mini’s vibrations are so satisfyingly rumbly that they add significantly to my pleasure no matter what else I’m doing. In one testing session, my partner even went down on me while the Lush Mini was inside me, nudging the external arm to the side so she could get at my clit – and the combo of her mouth with Lovense’s wonderful vibrations led to a breathtaking orgasm (complete with a bit o’ squirt) that left me feeling grateful to have a G-spot. This is the type of nifty sexual creativity that Lovense toys encourage.

If you want a G-spot vibe you can wear in public, or for hours at a time, the Lush Mini is an impeccable choice. Pair it with a Ferri panty vibe if you want more intense clit stimulation. The Lush 4 is still a solid option too, especially if you want something girthier to squeeze around. I don’t think there’s necessarily any reason to upgrade to the Lush Mini if you already own another Lush, unless you think the smaller size or speedier charging would make a big difference for you. But as for first-time users, I think a lot of them will go for the Lush Mini – it’s just so damn cute, useful, and pleasurable!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: VVD Vkini vibrating bra

Kate Sloan
By the way, if you want to see more of my tits, here’s a photo set and a video in which they’re prominently featured. Or you could email me to commission some custom content!

How do you feel about your breasts, if you’ve got ’em?

I feel neutral-to-mildly-positive about mine, most days. I don’t feel insecure or self-conscious about them like I did when I was younger (thank fuck!), and I certainly don’t have any dysphoria about them like some of my trans and nonbinary friends have experienced – but I also don’t think about them much, and it doesn’t often occur to me to request breast/nipple stimulation during sex, even though it usually feels good when it does happen. They’re just… not a big part of my self-conception, sexually or otherwise, and never really have been.

Part of the reason for that, I’m sure, is that there aren’t very many breast-centric sex toys (relative to other types)! Maybe I’d be more “in touch with” my boobs, so to speak, if I’d reviewed tits-focused toys in equal proportion to all the clitoral and vaginal toys I’ve tried – but almost all of the breast-y products in my collection are nipple clamps, designed to provoke pain, not pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, I like nipple clamps – but I have to be in a pretty specific mood to want my tits to be tortured.

So you can see why I was intrigued when VVD, makers of the rideable vibrating “sex saddle” I reviewed last year, reached out to tell me they’d created a vibrating bra and wanted me to review it. It’s called the Vkini (cute name!). Let’s talk about it.

What is the VVD Vkini?

VVD describes the Vkini as a “wearable nipple stimulator.” Structurally, it’s similar to a very skimpy bikini top, with adjustable back and arm straps – but instead of breast cups, it’s got spring-like silicone spirals which hold your breasts in place, while the heart-shaped vibrators in the centre of each spiral stimulate your nipples.

While it can be controlled directly via the buttons on the two nipple vibrators, the Vkini also optionally pairs with an app called MetaXSire which allows you to control the toy from nearby or afar. (More on that later.)

Included with the bra itself is two pairs of magnetic attachments, one shaped like little flowers and one shaped like little mouths, complete with tiny silicone tongue. These serve to vary the sensations you can get from the toy.

Attachments

Things I like about the VVD Vkini:

  • First of all, shout-out to VVD for this concept. I genuinely think it’s cool and unique. As I mentioned above, a lot of the breast-focused sex toys on the market are pain-based – think nipple clamps, “tit-tuggers,” and bondage bras – so it’s refreshing to see an entirely pleasure-based product in this category. I think it’s clever the way the spiral-shaped cup holds each tit in place so that the vibrator more-or-less stays put on each nipple.
  • The aesthetic of this product is very up my alley, as a lovecore fanatic! It reminds me of those LoveLife vibrators from back in the day, which I once found too girly-looking but have since come around on, because our world is so full of hatred and division that symbols of love seem more important and subversive than ever. The spirals embedded in this toy’s design also lend it a certain hypnokinky aesthetic; I think it would be particularly adored by those whose hypnosis kink crosses over into ‘bimbo’ play, like my pal Sleepingirl. (Actually… Sleepingirl, if you’re reading this and want me to send you this toy once I’m done with my review, let me know – it should belong to someone like you! 😂)
  • If you control the toy’s vibrations via its buttons, you can flip through 5 speeds and 5 patterns, which is a decent amount of variety. And unlike with most genital vibrators, I found myself actually enjoying the vibration patterns this toy has, because their rhythmic variation feels more like the type of nipple stimulation I like (having them stroked or licked) than standard vibration does. I also like that each nipple vibe can be controlled independently, as this allows for more variety of sensation.
  • If you want even more variation in the vibration intensity, you can download the MetaXSire app on your phone and control it that way. It has many of the functions I’ve come to expect from vibrator apps these days: long-distance control, syncing to music/sound, motion-sensor control, and the ability to try other people’s custom-designed vibration patterns and create some of your own. (Like many other vibrator apps, this one seems to borrow heavily from Lovense’s app in terms of design and functionality, and I don’t love when companies copy other companies, although I have to admit that Lovense has a damn good app so I understand why so many people crib from them.)
  • VVD claims proudly that the Vkini is “crafted for women of all shapes and sizes” (no love for nonbinary people…?!) but then also says it will only comfortably fit “small to medium chest sizes (A-C cups, some D cups).” That being said, my current bra size is approximately 30DD, and the Vkini fit me just fine after adjusting the straps, albeit with a bit of cup-runneth-over. My wife has much smaller breasts (an A cup or thereabouts) and it fit her too – and looked super cute, I might add! However, VVD is right that the Vkini isn’t entirely suitable for people with larger breasts than a D cup, as Sydney Screams describes in their review. Even if your boobs are small, having a wide chest may make it difficult to wear this product, because the length of the short strap between the two cups is barely adjustable.
  • The Vkini is IPX6 water-resistant, so you can use it in the shower (or in the rain… or in a waterfall… hey, I don’t know your life!) but you shouldn’t submerge it in a tub, pool, etc. Normally I prefer my sex toys to be fully waterproof so I can jerk off in the bath if I want to, but it matters less to me for a breast-focused toy because my boobs are usually above the waterline anyway.
  • I appreciate that this toy is priced at $50 (that’s cheaper than many actual bras!), and I think that’s a decent price for what you get: the vibrating bra itself, two sets of attachments, and a storage bag for the whole kit and caboodle.
  • Speaking of the attachments – while I have my issues with them (see below), I like that they’re easy and quick to magnetically attach and detach, and I haven’t had any issues with them falling off or moving around during use.

Things I don’t like about the VVD Vkini:

  • Unfortunately, the vibrations are pretty buzzy, i.e. high-pitched/surface-level, as opposed to deep/rumbly. This doesn’t bother me as much for nipple stim as it does for clit stim, since at least I can still get off if my nipples go numb (by stimulating my clit, as I normally would) – but it does make it hard for me to use this toy for more than 5-10 minutes at a time, after which the buzzy vibrations feel annoying, itchy, and desensitizing to my skin. (I will say, however, that these vibrations are rumblier than those of Lovense’s vibrating nipple clamps, which are so troublingly buzzy that they sometimes felt almost like heart palpitations to me – scary!)
  • On a similar note: the vibrations seem to be focused in the outer-facing part of the bra, not the part that actually touches your nipples. When I tried out the Vkini’s magnetic attachments, I found that very little of the vibration was conducted into them; the sensation was significantly dulled compared to using the toy without attachments. As a result, I wasn’t able to notice much of a difference in sensation when using an attachment vs. not using one, aside from the reduction in vibration strength.
  • It’s mildly annoying that each of the toy’s two motors has to be turned on and off individually and charged individually – although the toy does come with a double-pronged charger to make this more convenient, and many of the modes in the MetaXSire app allow you to control both vibes at once, after you’ve turned them both on.
  • Speaking of the MetaXSire app – it has a bunch of weird A.I.-porn functionalities built into it, which you have to pay extra for, in the form of “X-Coins” which can then be spent on things like A.I. image generation and text generation. There’s even a feature where you can clone your own voice (😬) and have it say whatever dirty talk you type in. Weirder still, there’s a bank of pre-existing A.I. voices that can talk dirty to you, including celebrity voices such as Matthew McConaughey, Lady Gaga, Anthony Hopkins, Demi Lovato, and… “King Trumpy,” a.k.a. the authoritarian sex-pest currently in the White House (YIKES!!). All of this feels unnecessary and off-putting, for reasons that myself and various anti-A.I. thinkers have previously articulated.
  • While the wearability and Bluetooth-controllability of the Vkini might lead you to believe it’d be a good toy for surreptitious public play, I think it would be EXTREMELY obvious under pretty much any kind of clothing. I’d wear it to a fetish party, maybe, but certainly not to the bank or the grocery store, etc.!

Final thoughts

If you’ve been looking for an easy, hands-free way to experience nipple vibration, I think the VVD Vkini would be an awesome choice for you, provided your boobs are within the A–D cup range. It’s a super inventive (not to mention cute-as-fuck!) product for targeted nipple stimulation.

Personally, I’d prefer if the vibrations were quite a bit rumblier, and transmitted better into my actual nipples instead of just buzzing dully on the surface of my skin. But this is the type of toy that’s probably best as a deliciously torturous tease, rather than a grand finale, so maybe it’s okay that it doesn’t entirely satisfy 😉 I especially think a toy like the Vkini would be fun for people who like long-distance teasing, since you can control the vibrations from afar using the app. Just imagine trying to carry on a normal conversation with someone while they intermittently surprise you with little buzzes, Hysterical Literature-style!

If you’re considering picking up a Vkini of your own, you can use my discount code GIRLY at checkout to get $5 off, which brings the price down to $45. That’s less than you’d spend on a new bra at Victoria’s Secret, and those don’t even vibrate. 😂

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.