Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Laura Berman Kona

Kate Sloan

There’s so much to like about the Laura Berman Kona. But it’s all ruined by the lack of a proper handle.

I wanted the Kona because it has the thing that makes my G-spot swoon: a big, round bulb, followed by a skinny shaft. And indeed, that part of the toy is perfect. It’s a “hits the spot immediately” kind of toy.

The trouble, though, is that when a toy hits my G-spot that well, it makes me want to thrust it in and out really fast for extended periods of time. And that is completely impossible with the Kona, unless you have the world’s shallowest G-spot.

I don’t think mine is excessively deep, but I just can’t make the Kona thrust the way I want it to, because it’s too damn short and it has no handle. The entire length of the toy is 5", which seems to be exactly the depth of my vagina. It doesn’t take very long at all for my genitals to swallow up the Kona, almost completely. And there’s no way I can do any serious thrusting if the amount of “handle” I’ve got to work with is an inch or smaller.

The Kona is also marketed as a kegel exerciser. In fact, this is the primary usage that’s listed in its description, which – in addition to Laura Berman’s insistence on calling it a “vaginal stimulator” instead of a dildo – just annoys me. But nonetheless, it’s a decent kegel tool. You insert the bulb, squeeze your muscles tight, and try to pull the toy out with your hand. It provides some solid resistance and a bit of G-spot stimulation – more than can be said for a lot of kegel toys out there.

The Kona is supposedly pure silicone but it smells rubbery/plasticky. I’m too much of a nervous nellie to do a “flame test” to check the accuracy of its silicone claims, but I have my doubts.

If you’re shopping for an inexpensive silicone G-spot dildo, you could do worse than the Laura Berman Kona. It hits the spot wonderfully and doubles as a cool kegel device. But please only buy this toy if you know for certain that you don’t like fast thrusting, or you have an exceptionally shallow G-spot; otherwise you’ll just end up with a pussy full of useless silicone.

Review: Raspberry Crush Turbo Glider

Kate Sloan

California Exotics makes a few different toys with the name “Turbo Glider.” This is the Raspberry Crush one. Its brother, the Blueberry Bliss, gained notoriety among sex toy aficionados a few years ago when a popular toy retailer offered it as a free gift with any order; then Epiphora wrote a love letter to it on her blog. Despite only costing around $15, it’s got a pretty significant fanbase.

The Raspberry Crush shares a lot of the qualities that made the Blueberry Bliss so successful. It’s made of hard plastic, perhaps the only “cheap” sex toy material that’s also body-safe and non-porous. It’s 100% waterproof and doesn’t weaken underwater. It’s got a hell of a lot of power for a $15 battery-powered toy. It can be used both internally and externally. And its outer casing is translucent, so you can see the inner workings of the motor, which is just cool.

Overall, I prefer the Blueberry, because my vagina enjoys its shape more (ripples, ooh la la). The Raspberry has a nice shape too, boasting a slightly flared head that my G-spot finds moderately pleasing, but the toy is too skinny for me to be able to feel the little bumps on it, unless I purposely rub them against my vaginal walls. I also find that the Blueberry’s tip conducts vibration better; the bulk of the Raspberry’s vibration is located a few inches below the tip, and that’s not always convenient.

I’ll always recommend the Turbo Glider toys to beginners, especially those who say they’re looking for something cheap. I don’t know of any other vibes that have this much power for this low a price, while also being body-safe. You get a lot of bang (and buzz) for your buck.

The only real downsides to these toys: they’re quite buzzy, and quite loud. So if you need deeper, lower-pitched vibrations to get off, or it’s important that you be discreet, look elsewhere.

While I do prefer its Blueberry brother, the Raspberry Crush Turbo Glider is a reliable, well-rounded, and satisfyingly standard vibrator.

Review: Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit

Kate Sloan

Jimmyjane’s Iconic Rabbit has been on my sex toy wishlist for a long, long time – since before I started reviewing. I’ve always enjoyed dual stimulation and had romanticized the idea of a rabbit vibrator as the perfect solution. And Jimmyjane’s rabbit is so much prettier than all the disgusting pink-and-purple jelly ones on the market. I had to have it.

I must confess, though: I actually own one of those gross jelly rabbits. I bought it before I knew better. And although its plasticky smell worried me and the material made my vagina burn after every session, the stimulation was ideal. The shaft twirled against my wanton G-spot. The rabbit ears thrummed against my clit. It got me off spectacularly and quickly, every time. The damn thing was waterproof, too, so I could even take it in the bath with me. If it hadn’t been made of jelly, I probably would have married it.

I expected Jimmyjane’s rabbit to top the one I have from California Exotics, but other than material, there’s no category in which the Iconic Rabbit is as good as my old jelly rabbit.

First of all, you should know: Jimmyjane does not actually make, and did not design, this toy. It’s from their “Usual Suspects” collection, a set of classic sex toys curated and whitewashed by Jimmyjane. The Iconic Rabbit is identical to Vibratex’s very famous Rabbit Habit toy, except that it’s all white, made of “body-safe elastomer,” and has the words “Iconic Rabbit” written on it. I must admit, it looks hella classy.

Elastomer, by the way, is not the worst sex toy material out there (like jelly), but it’s certainly not the best. It’s porous, so you can never fully sterilize it for sharing with a non-fluid-bonded partner. And you certainly can’t put it in your ass if you ever want to use it vaginally again. But on the plus side, it’s compatible with all kinds of lube (I was too nervous to test it with silicone-based lube, though).

The vibrating rabbit ears have that high-pitched, buzzy quality that makes them seem startlingly strong at first and then maddeningly imperceptible after a few minutes, because of the numbness they cause. They’re also really thin and floppy, so they don’t stay on the hood of my clit where I need them. This is obnoxious as fuck; I do not have the patience to re-adjust a toy every ten seconds while I’m trying to get off.

The twirling shaft is highly amusing to look at, and feels great on my G-spot and vaginal walls. The movements are so big, however, that the toy tends to move around a fair bit unless I grip it very tightly. As you might expect, this really doesn’t help the whole “runaway clit stimulator” problem.

The toy’s main issue is its power distribution. Remember when I said the clit vibe can feel very strong at first? That strength vanishes as soon as you turn on the shaft. Each part of the toy steals power from the other. This isn’t a new or unique problem for a rabbit vibe to have, but it’s annoying nonetheless. I don’t think I need to explain how frustrating it is to have to choose between clit stimulation and G-spot rubbing to be able to get off – especially since this is supposed to be a dual-stimulation toy, not an “only one type of satisfying stimulation at a time” toy.

It also has two faces on it. A rabbit face below the bunny ears, and a weird cartoon woman face on the underside of the shaft. I don’t know how you feel about anthropomorphized sex toys, but if you’re not a fan, you’ll hate this one.

I had high hopes for the Iconic Rabbit, and it did not deliver. It has yet to give me an orgasm, because of its weak clitoral vibrations – except for one time, when the bunny ears shifted off my clit about 5 seconds before I was about to come (ARGH) and the shaft pushed me into a weird, unsatisfying, G-spot-based half-orgasm that left me too frustrated to stop but too oversensitive to continue. (THE WORST!) As much as I wanted to love this toy, I just can’t recommend it to anyone – especially with its $100 price tag.

Review: Fun Factory Rainbow Amor

Kate Sloan

During a recent trip to New York, I went to Babeland in the hopes of buying a Hitachi Magic Wand. Tragically, they were sold out (don’t worry, I ended up getting one eventually), so I bought the next toy to catch my eye: the Babeland-exclusive rainbow version of the Fun Factory Amor. I’m glad I did; it’s no Hitachi, but it’s a sweet little dildo.

The Amor is a harness-compatible toy that’s fairly short and squat, with 5" of insertable length and a diameter of just under 1 ½". It’s supposed to be a good tool for G-spotting, though I was initially skeptical of its abilities because its curve is subtle and its head is barely pronounced. It’s made of 100% silicone that’s fairly firm but has some give.

So how does the Amor measure up to the similar Tantus Acute, one of my favorite G-spotters? Amor has less curve and a less defined head, but it’s also thicker and slightly firmer. To my surprise, it hits my G-spot with ease – and because it’s got a decent girth to it, I don’t have to angle it weirdly like I do with the Acute. The sensation isn’t quite as intense as it is with my Acute, which I think is owed to the Amor’s barely-prominent head, but I don’t always want an extreme, knee-weakening amount of G-spot stimulation. Sometimes just having it rubbed is enough and a full-blown attack isn’t necessary.

The Amor’s shaft is totally smooth and almost straight once you get past the head, so my vag sometimes wishes for a bit more stimulation in the first couple inches. This is a dildo for when I want to give my G-spot some lovin’ but don’t really care about my vaginal walls. Same deal with my A-spot – the Amor’s too short to reach it, so I’ll have to be in a pretty specific mood to crave this one.

While the Amor isn’t the kind of dildo that leaves my legs trembling and my pussy utterly satiated, it’s cute-looking and it does a good enough job. And it’ll make a killer addition to my Pride outfit next year.

Review: Sqweel 2

Kate Sloan

I have been excited about the Sqweel for a long, long time. Ever since it won a Lovehoney design competition years ago and they began marketing it as the first real oral sex simulator, I knew I had to have it. Sex toy obsession, meet my cunnilingus obsession.

Of course, I doubted it would really feel like oral sex. Especially since my boyfriend is a fucking cunnilingus master. He has studied my body and my responses and has honed his technique to the point where receiving oral is practically a spiritual experience for me. He always gives me a lot of variety while he’s teasing me up the hill toward my orgasm, but then he also knows exactly what methodical rhythm and circular motion I need in order to come. He’s a vagina genius – a vagenius, if you will. So how could a toy possibly compare with that?

It doesn’t. No toy will ever be as good as being tended to by a skilled and caring lover. But the Sqweel 2 is still worth getting if you like oral.

You might recall seeing the original Sqweel around the blogosphere a few years back. It was a simple design – a matte black disc-shaped case which snapped open to reveal ten flapping tongues on a three-speed rotating wheel. The second incarnation of the Sqweel has the same premise and mechanism, but it’s been updated: it has a stronger motor (apparently), a glossier case, a reverse function, and a “flicker” mode. Nifty.

My first warning about using the Sqweel: have lube on hand. Lots of it. If you’re not prepared to use a lot of lube every time you use this toy, then don’t even bother. Who likes getting slapped by dry, draggy tongues? Not me. Not you, either, I’m guessing.

Second warning: this toy will never work for you if you like pressure. It slows down rather pathetically when any significant amount of pressure is applied. I think the Sqweel could be a potential solution for women who find themselves too dependent on pressure and vibration to get off, as it might be able to help them ease their way out of “female death grip syndrome” – but if you need pressure and have no desire to change that, the Sqweel will not be your cup of tea.

And a few more warnings before we get to the good stuff: the Sqweel is loud and thus not very discreet, it takes three AAA batteries, and it’s not waterproof, as much as I’d love it to be.

Because I had heard so many mixed reviews of the Sqweel, I assumed I’d dislike it. And at first, I did. I lubed up my clit, held the toy to it, and turned it on – and it felt sort of blah. Ten silicone tongues flapping against my sensitive bits? So what?

But when I gave it time to do its thing, it built me up slowly to an orgasm that ended up being big and intense and shuddering, similar to the orgasms I experience from actual oral sex.

I picked up a couple of the alternative silicone wheels sold for the Sqweel, called Sqweelers. They’re for those of us who don’t like the standard “tongues” insert, or just want some variety. One of them is called the Wave, and it has little tiny tongues in the middle and two thin flaps, one on each side. This one looks weird when it’s not in use, but when it’s lubed and spinning on my clit, it actually feels like someone’s sucking me. Do you realize how amazing that is?!

The other Sqweeler I bought is called the Pearl. It has nubs on either side and a series of larger nubs or bumps in the middle. In use, this one feels like longer, firmer licks, the kind someone gives you when they’re trying to make you beg. And on the higher speeds, it feels like fast firm licks – perfect for sending me over the edge.

I find the original tongues insert is great for teasing and build-up, and so is the Wave insert. I can get off with all three of them easily, but the Pearl brings the most satisfying orgasms because it seems to apply the most pressure to my clit. The other two inserts just give up and keep on flappin’ when my clit is most in need of pressure, but the Pearl feels perfect while I’m coming.

The Sqweel’s three speeds are generally sufficient. There are times when I wish there was a fourth speed, but keep in mind: this toy doesn’t vibrate, so it’s not going to numb you out. I find that this lack of numbness means I’ll always be able to come eventually, even if I have to hang out on the highest speed for quite a while. (And honestly, that’s the way my body works when I’m receiving real oral sex, too, so whatever.)

So does the Sqweel 2 serve as a suitable replacement for an orally gifted partner? Hell naw, nothing does. But it’s still a wonderfully unique toy that gets me off and feels fantastic. I find myself actively craving it pretty often these days, which I have to assume is a good sign.

Thanks so much to Sex Toys Canada for hooking me up with this great toy!