Monthly Faves

Monthly Faves: Leather Leashes & Deft Doctors

Kate Sloan

Summer has finally sprung in Toronto! I had a lot of sweaty sex this month… which is… good, I guess? Here were some things I loved in May!

Sex toys

• Did you know that the VixSkin Mustang is a wonderful blowjob dildo? Sometimes my boyf wants to hear BJ sounds when we have phone sex – and to drop me into subspace in the way that only a dick hitting the back of my throat can do – and this beautiful dildo fits the bill.

• Betty’s Toy Box sent me the Icicles #69 dildo a while ago and I’ve been enjoying it. Full review to come eventually, but here’s the TL;DR: it does good A-spot things but I wish it was longer so I’d have more of a handle for easier thrusting!

• My Sir ordered me some custom items from L’Amour-Propre a while ago and one of them was a leash in blue suede that matches my collar. (Did you know that Tal, who runs L’Amour-Propre, is super great about custom orders? Contact them, they’re lovely!) While the leash has been fun in its traditional uses – to keep me in line while I’m giving head or shining my Sir’s shoes, for example – we also experimented recently with swinging it back and forth in front of my eyes like a pendulum as part of a hypnosis induction. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m forever amazed by the ingenuity of kinksters!

Fantasy fodder

• So, I’m having a lot of phone sex as per usual, but this month I’ve been thinking about it less as a replacement for IRL sex I wish I was having and more as its own wonderful thing. Sometimes when I’m masturbating alone, I even imagine my partner is muttering darkly in my ear. Interesting how some kinks develop out of necessity and are nonetheless super fun to play with.

• Fantasies about hysteria doctors are frequent for me, but this month I was idly imaginin’ and the doctor in my mind’s eye said, “I make you come so much harder than your husband ever does…!” Usually in these fantasies, I’m just me, rather than becoming the archetypal Victorian housewife often represented in stories about hysteria treatment – but hey, sometimes it’s fun to go a little more literal than usual.

• I tried watersports for the first time this month. OMG. It was a pretty mild introduction to this wet-‘n’-wild kink – my Sir pissed on my chest in the shower after we’d been discussing doing this for a few weeks – but felt vulnerable and sweet and hot. More to come, I would imagine!

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I have an article in the new issue of The Walrus about how sex robots could shape our sexual future. I wrote a squirting guide for Ignite. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about age play, porn, loving communication, altered states, and Bex’s first year on testosterone.

• I bought some plastic hooks with which to hang impact toys on my wall and they make me so happy. I own so many beautiful toys; why not display ’em?

Media

• I was thrilled this month to get to see The Artist & the Pervert, the new documentary about kink educator Mollena Williams and her 24/7 D/s dynamic with her husband and Master, world-famous composer Georg Friedrich Haas. It presented kink as romantic and normal, which, naturally, I found very charming!

• Melissa Broder, of @SoSadToday fame, has a new book out called The Pisces. I’ll have way more thoughts about the book for you here on Monday; for now, just know that I loved it, and if you’ve ever struggled with feeling addicted to romantic or sexual stimuli – or you find mermen attractive – you might like it too.

• Some people in my life have been experiencing emotional abuse lately so I wanted to do some research on it to better understand how abusers operate. I found this book on covert emotional manipulation tactics enlightening; maybe you will too! And if you’re at the point of wanting to stand up to an abuser in your life, this book of scripts is super helpful and practical.

• In case you missed it: my fave show, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, was cancelled by Fox this month and then promptly picked up by NBC in the wake of an outcry from fans. I’m so, so pleased that this show will continue. While you’re waiting for new episodes, why not read some of my B99 fanfiction?

Femme stuff

• Vintage Leather by West Third Brand smells exactly how you would expect a fragrance called “Vintage Leather” to smell. It’s a little masc and very sexy and I’m into it.

• My boyf paid for me to get a pedicure, something I haven’t done in a long-ass time, and it was such a lovely treat. Plus I enjoyed bonding with my pedicurist over a shared disdain for unsolicited dick pics.

• I’m working on a part 2 of my blowjob lipsticks post! Leave your recommendations in the comments if you’ve got ’em.

Little things

Nerding out about Sondheim with my extended family. Catching up with my bruddy. Seeing two SNL-related documentaries in one day with my mom. Sir ordering me a cookie so I’d have something to snack on while he talked to me on the phone from New York. Sex T-Rex shows. Solo sushi dinners. Getting recognized in public. Drinks dates with femme pals. Affixing romantic memorabilia to a corkboard on my wall, like the sentimental dork that I am. Feminist stand-up comedy. Interviewing kink geniuses for the podcast. Spanakopita and love letters in a mini Moleskine. A perfect gin and tonic on a sunny day. Our cute waiter at a Mexican restaurant asking, “Are you guys chefs?” Being vastly overdressed for a dinner-and-improv date. Sleeping in a T-shirt from the hotel where my boyfriend first told me he loved me.

Monthly Faves: Submission, Scents, & Psychology

Kate Sloan

What a lovely month in my sex life! My spreadsheet is a-burstin’. Here’s some of what went on in April…

Sex toys

• The Doxy #3 continues to be a fave. I went on yet another New York jaunt this month and appreciated, once again, this li’l wand’s portability and lightness compared to its bigger, bulkier brothers.

• I was lucky enough this month to receive a strap-on blowjob from a beautiful boy. I wore my raspberry-pink Aslan Leather Jaguar harness and my sparkly pink Godemiche Ambit. They made quite a gorgeous image, especially in combination with the mouth of one of my favorite people.

• After only trying The Butters lube on my own bits, it was a fun revelation to try it on someone else’s. It makes for excellent handjobs!

Fantasy fodder

• Lately I’m swoonin’ extra hard about my meta-kink for someone knowing exactly how to turn me on and make me come. (What would you call this, anyway? I have it listed on my FetLife profile as “you knowing exactly what I need” but I’m not 100% happy with that label.) Some recent quotes from my boyfriend that exemplify this perfectly and have been haunting my fantasy-brain: “I always want to get better at knowing the best ways to dom you and fuck you.” “I love being so good at you and learning what makes you tick even more deeply.” “Is that gonna make you come, if I keep fucking you nice and deep like that?” 😍

• Teasing and edging submissive boys is fuuun. I’m nowhere near a dyed-in-the-wool domme, so this isn’t something I’d want to do every day, but when it’s right, it’s sooo right.

Sexcetera

• I just got back from the AltSex conference! Lots of fascinating stuff about kink psychology this year – most interestingly to me, Petra Zebroff and Pega Ren‘s talk on what motivates doms and subs to take on their respective roles, and Samuel Hughes‘ talk on kink identity development. I took lots of notes and will be ponderin’ and implementin’ some of what I learned!

• I was invited back to the Bed Post variety show to play some sexy ukulele tunes, and it was so much fun! Sharing a bill with the delightful Erin Pim and her merry band of sex-positive weirdos is always a joy.

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I wrote a piece for Cosmopolitan (!!) about the sex therapy concept of “sensate focus” and how it can apply to blowjobs. On our podcast, Bex and I answered common questions people ask sex educators, interviewed Dawn Serra and Mx Nillin, and got delightfully high on 4/20.

Media

• I’m loving Alina Baraz‘s new EP, The Color of You. I’ve profiled her music before (here, here, and here) because she makes some of the sexiest slow-jams in the biz, and that’s still true.

• Did you know that Emily Nagoski, of Come As You Are fame, also writes romance novels under the pseudonym Emily Foster? I devoured both of them this month and they reminded me exactly how clever and thrilling the romance genre can be. Having a super-smart and likeable female protagonist sure helps!

• Clementine Morrigan’s new zine “I Want You to Fuck Me” is a straightforward, plain-language statement of their sexual desires, boundaries, needs, and best practices. It’s only 10 pages long but it got me thinking about what my own wants and needs are and how I can optimally assert them when necessary. (If you’re interested in this kind of thing, you also need Bex’s Yes/No/Maybe list in your life!)

Femme stuff

• My boyfriend got me a birthday gift unlike anything I’ve ever received before: he commissioned Stephen Dirkes of Euphorium Brooklyn to make me a custom fragrance. SWOON! It’s called Aimanté and it’s feminine and sexy and complex. Should I write a whole blog post sometime about the process, my thoughts on the scent, etc.? Let me know in the comments…

• Shout-out to MeUndies for making the comfiest lounge pants I’ve ever owned. I have a pair in red and black plaid and a pair in plain black, and they are majorly important to my free-‘n’-easy freelancer/lackadaisical layabout wardrobe.

• GlamGlow makes a tinted lip balm called PoutMud which was on sale at Sephora when I placed an order there this month, so of course, I snapped one up in red. It’s got a slight minty tingle and a beautiful tint, so I’ve been wearing it a lot.

Little things

My darlin’ sending me flowers because I was depressed (and making a subtle Sweeney Todd reference in the attached note; what a nerd). Seeing Anais sing opera in a “Fluevog shoebox” of a concert hall (and Henry shouting, “Iconic!”). Collecting romantic memorabilia in the back pocket of my Moleskine. Improvisors making a tweet of mine into a hilarious scene (and then apologizing to me for it afterward). Pink and blue Blackwing pencils. Cam shows with respectful clients. Nerding out over vocabulary with my love. Beautiful cocktails at so many luxe places: Northwood, Mulberry, Maysville, Eleven Madison Park, and more. How lovely you tend to look in photos taken by someone who loves you. “I am generally known, where I am known, as one cool, collected queen.” Fancy chocolate. Useful attitude adjustments and meta-communication tricks that make relationships more harmonious. Bow-shaped gingerbread cookies in a heart-eyes emoji mug from Bex. Seeing my little brother open for Kate Nash at the Mod Club. Following along with Caitlin‘s updates from her training with Betty Martin (creator of the Wheel of Consent). Sir requesting a guitar in our hotel room so I could serenade him. The portmanteau “meetamour” (and the meetamour itself). Repairing the damage done by nonconsensual touch with consensual touch.

Monthly Faves: Southsides & Sweet Sadists

Kate Sloan

March was kind of a weird month for my mental health but I still managed to get fucked real good a bunch… Here were some of my fave things this month!

Sex toys

• SheVibe sent me a Neon Wand a little while ago after I mentioned being curious about electrostimulation (thank you, sweet angels!) and I finally got to try it out with a partner this month. M’boyf strapped me down using my under-the-bed restraints and then proceeded to zap me all over various tender body parts until I turned into a subspacey mess. Full review to come!

• I requested a Liberator Axis from Betty’s Toy Box and I’m even more into it than I thought I would be. It’s a sexual positioning aid, much like the Liberator Wedge or Jaz, except it has a slot where you can insert your Magic Wand. Ideal for hands-free clitoral stimulation while getting fucked from behind or spanked!

• Did y’all know that it’s really fun to fuck someone with an Njoy Pfun plug while you’re blowing them? Well, it is.

Fantasy fodder

• I mentioned hysteria kink last month but I’m gonna talk about it again, dammit. One night in mid-March after a tipsy date at Northwood, my darlin’ was kissing and spanking me in bed when he suddenly said, “I want you to take off your panties and be my patient.” I knew immediately that he meant he wanted to enact the kind of medical-play scene we’d sexted about on many an occasion. Swoooon. I’ve fantasized about this type of play for a long time, so it felt especially magical to have him expertly pull an orgasm from my body with the Eleven and Doxy #3 while mumbling darkly about what a good patient I was and how much better I was going to feel after the procedure.

• Welp, you can file bootblacking under “things I liked in fantasy that I ended up liking even more IRL.” After plenty o’ sexting about it, my Sir and I finally gave bootblacking a shot this month, with him in a comfortable armchair and me on a leash at his feet. I got waaay more subspacey and trancey than I was expecting; it was meditative and lovely. And his shoes looked fucking great afterward.

• I’m experimenting with dominance a little these days. I’ve played with it before, but usually only with people I was exclusively dominant over; it’s rare I attempt to switch with people who normally dom me. But it’s been fun. I like roleplaying as a withholding mistress or a bratty blackmailing schoolgirl. (And I love that one of my favorite subby kink honorifics, “princess,” works just as well for me in a dominant role if we spell it with a capital P…)

Sexcetera

• Check me out on the Bed Post podcast! Erin and I had a great chat about hypnokink, DD/lg, sex spreadsheets, and more.

• I was so proud of my friend Suz this month when she relaunched her website and held a rad party to celebrate the occasion. There was a delicious signature cocktail called the Sex on the Peach, genitalia cupcakes, porn screenings, “CUM” balloons, a spanking booth, and more. I had so much fun dancing the night away to ’90s pop in a super slutty outfit. Congrats, Suz!

Femme stuff

• I bought sequinned leggings from the Gap and they’re so good. I used to own a pair like these in high school and I wore them so much they literally fell apart. Looking forward to going dancing in these; I’ll be a walking disco ball!

• My Sir ordered a couple custom pieces for me from L’Amour-Propre this month: a leash in the same blue suede as my collar, and a silver heart-shaped lock with “Daddy’s” engraved on it. We’re still feeling out exactly what the lock is for and under what circumstances I’ll wear it, but I’ve been wearing it on a silver chain and treating it as basically a fancier collar, and it’s so pretty!

• I bought a Dildorks shirt. It’s cute as fuck. You can order your own here!

Little things

Dinner and a comedy show with my bruddy. The boyf staying up with me on FaceTime til 2:30AM, helping me with a research project and making me laugh. Ukulele jam sessions. Making money doing what I love. Seeing Stacey Kent in concert after loving her music for like 15 years. My new tattoo, still. Giggling at Flo & Joan songs with Zoe over gin and tonics. My new roommate’s two cats (I have befriended… one of them). My sweet Sir asking if he could call me when I was having a bad mental health night by saying, “Are you sure you don’t just wanna hear my voice be silly and stuff? You don’t have to do anything; I can just be entertaining and complimentary.” Watching the hot bartender at the Crow’s Theatre make me a wonderful old-fashioned. My two favorite songs of the month, “Like or Like Like” and “Kidnap Me.” Pizza and wine with Rosaline, as per usual. Sir visiting me in Toronto, and getting to take him to my fave places. The breakfast special at Dooney’s. Crossing things off to-do lists. Sipping a Southside with my daddy while talking about D/s semantics.

Monthly Faves: Dildorks, Dresses, and Daddy

Kate Sloan

Wow, I got up to a lot of kinky shit this past month. Here were some of my favorite things in February…

Sex toys

• My partner is really into fucking me with the Njoy Eleven lately – or, more often, making me fuck myself with it while he instructs me on speed, strength, and depth over the phone. Nothing else in my collection feels quite like this toy. It’s really an astonishing piece of steel.

• Loving the purpleheart truncheon I picked up from Weal & Breech at the Playground Conference. It’s lovely and thuddy, the craftsmanship is beautiful, and I adore the included black leather wrist strap. This company’s wares are so classy and gorgeous, not to mention painful in the best way.

• I told a story at Tell Me Something Good about hypnokink (more on that next week!) and when I was selected to win a prize at the end of the night, someone suggested I choose the Ruse Hypnotize, for obvious reasons. I’ve used it a few times since then and it’s pretty good for its price point: a nice-quality silicone dildo of a satisfying shape and size, that can hit my A-spot and makes for pretty blowjobs on camera. (“Can confirm,” my boyf says.)

Fantasy fodder

• Ageplay is a new thing to my boyfriend, but he’s enjoying being my Daddy. We’ve done a few phone-sex scenes involving me being little and him teaching me a thing or two about my sexual anatomy, or his. Fuuuck, it’s so hot.

• We’ve also been talking a fair bit about bootblacking, one of those interesting kinks that came out of nowhere for me and that I can’t quite explain. I remember telling him on our first date that I liked his shiny shoes, and since then I’ve increasingly wanted to kneel in front of him, put my face/lips/tongue all over his shoes, shine ’em up, and so on. Maybe we’ll experiment with this in March when he comes to visit me.

• I’ve mentioned to my partner a couple times that I have long-time fantasies about Victorian “hysteria” treatments: having orgasms coolly administered to me by a medical professional for my own good. We did some intense in-character sexting about that this month (ain’t it nice when two improv geeks date?!) and he also mentioned wanting to strap me down and use my Zumio to extract an orgasm from me. Um, yes please.

Sexcetera

• It was neat to get to try the new Cowgirl vibrator at the Museum of Sex this month. Aside from concerns about its unnecessarily gendered name and marketing (which we discussed in-depth in a recent Dildorks episode), I enjoyed giving it a shot. My partner picked up the control panel and said “May I?” and I basically melted onto the floor. The Cowgirl is rumblier than the Sybian (at least, it’s rumblier than my 2.5-year-old memory of the Sybian) and I found it more comfortable to sit on. I think I’ll get to try it again soon at Suz’s blog relaunch party (which you should come to!).

• The Playground Conference fucking ruled. Some highlights of my time there: speaking on the opening plenary with a bunch of brilliant babes; my Sir ordering pizza and a cookie to my hotel room all the way from New York when I was too overwhelmed to figure out food for myself; Kevin Patterson shouting us out in his keynote; learning about turning fantasies into realities; recording a live Dildorks episode; spanking a couple of beauties with a bible and various other implements; seeing (and livetweeting) Bex teaching blowjobs; introverty dinners with clever cuties. So much love to the conference’s organizer Samantha Fraser, who is a total badass and deserves all the applause!

Femme stuff

• In discussing how to maintain our close but long-distance connection during the potentially distancing chaos that is a sex conference, I asked my Sir, “Would it make you feel good to choose my outfits for Playground?” He’s previously enjoyed this so I thought he’d like to do it some more, and I was right. I sent him photos of all the dresses I wanted to wear + my tentative schedule for the con, and he chose which dresses I should wear on which days. It was a cute way for me to feel connected to him even as I was hustlin’ and bustlin’ around a busy conference 500 miles from him.

• Hippo Campus is my favorite band, and their merch makes me happy. I own three of their T-shirts now, because I’m a nerd, and they’re all I want to wear on lazy, loungey days. This one, a Christmas gift from my little brother, is my fave: so soft, so snazzy!

• I have a new tattooooo! Probably gonna blog about it eventually, I’d imagine. I went back to Laura Blaney, who did my thigh tattoos; she’s fantastic. It’s colorful and punchy and lovely and I’m excited for it to heal completely so I can show it off!

Little things

Solo theatre dates, front-row centre. Drinking a “Hot Dad Bramble” with my daddy. Slow-dancing to Warm Glow. Compersion. Starburst as aftercare candy. Valentine’s flowers. Getting tied up by a sweet, funny boy who was intermittently singing me showtunes. Wearing my collar to public appearances because Sir said so. Talking to Erin at the Bed Post Podcast about hypnokink, DD/lg, etc. Seeing improv shows with friends. Exciting coffee meetings about new projects. The “Pun Slut” pin my Sir bought me (so perfect). Fancy pens. Sir listening to my radio show and live-texting me his reactions for me to read during the commercial breaks. Getting my hair done and feeling like a queen. Maple cookies. Staying hydrated. Late-night giggly phone sex.

Monthly Faves: Trances, Nerves, and Blue Leather

Kate Sloan

Gosh, it’s been a minute since I’ve done one of these, huh? I had… a lot of amazing sex this month. With three lovely folks who I enjoy banging a great deal. It was an auspicious start to 2018, lemme tell ya! Here are some highlights…

Sex toys

• My Sir bought me a Doxy #3 for Christmas, because he is an absolute gem, and I love it. It’s got all the power I need, like a regular-sized Doxy wand, except it’s small enough to fit in a purse (or a carry-on suitcase – cough, #LongDistanceLyfe).

• A New Year’s Day phone sex sesh reminded me of how great the We-Vibe Sync is. If you’re looking for an app-compatible vibrator a long-distance partner can control in some super fun ways, this is 100% the one I would recommend. It succeeds in two key areas where a lot of vibes in this category fail: its motor rules, and its remote-controllability actually works.

• I am rediscovering my Fleshjack dildos lately. I love the firm-to-flexible ratio of their silicone. Plus sometimes you just need to display a hyper-realistic dildo on your nightstand…

Fantasy fodder

• Wow, I’m really into phone sex lately! It’s long been a proclivity I didn’t understand, since I’d always rather be touched by a partner than touch myself to their voice, and I get nervous about saying filthy shit out loud. But my new beau is exceptionally gifted in this arena so I’ve been having phone-sex orgasms aplenty. It’s so simultaneously hot and astonishing to me when someone knows my sex-brain well enough to be able to whip out a phrase or image that practically makes me come on the spot…!

• Another thing my new partner is into: hypnokink. Woof. I’m not quite sure to what extent being hypnotized is a sexy thing for me versus just a fun, relaxing, intimate thing – but there’s a lot of overlap between those two categories for me anyway (spanking, choking, and face-slapping, anyone?). I’m gonna write about this in more detail soon, because holy hell, we’ve been doing some interesting stuff.

• I’m in a new DD/lg dynamic! Eee! We just made it “official,” or whatever. It feels really good to be calling someone “daddy” again after avoiding that for quite a while due to getting my heart broken by my last daddy dom. I love and value this type of dominance so much and had missed it a lot. I’m so glad I found someone else I trust enough to go into “little space” with, and who is worthy of that trust.

Sexcetera

• This month I had, without exaggeration, one of the best dates of my life, involving a very nervous dinner at a very fancy restaurant, exceptionally good period sex involving lots of toys at a beautiful hotel, lots of new scratches and bruises, and waking up next to a mega-handsome boy. Throw me to the wolves. I wish upon all of you the magic and wonder and starry-eyed smittenness I got to feel this month.

• Some of my work elsewhere as of late: I wrote about women’s sexual fantasies and my sex spreadsheet for Glamour. Over at Ignite, I explored sexting, fantasies, orgasms, and vibrators. On our podcast, Bex and I discussed our 2018 sex goals, debated the merits of 69ing, and answered listeners’ questions.

Femme stuff

• Last month at the Pink Market, I bought a turquoise suede collar from L’Amour-Propre, and I’m absolutely enamored with it. Their suede is super comfortable and conforms to my skin nicely, making these collars good choices for all-day wear. I love how simultaneously bright and understated they are.

• On these bitterly cold days we’ve been having here in Toronto lately, there’s nothing like a hand-knit cowl to keep you cozy. My favorite one in my arsenal is a royal blue one my friend Cadence knitted me a few years ago. Its bold shade keeps me feelin’ optimistic even when it’s bleak as fuck outside.

• I haz a new Coach satchel and it’s so prettyyy. It’s kind of a strange robin’s-egg blue color, like the sky on a bright but cloudy day, and I’m into it.

Little things

Ringing in the new year with good friends, pastry straws, and a thorough spanking. Max buying me a Hippo Campus T-shirt and Dick buying me a Hippo Campus vinyl EP. “How’s your NRE doing?” Vanilla donuts as writing fuel. Exciting meetings with editors. Co-writing a song with my Sir. Going to the theatre with my mom. Sir seeing my journal in my bag and asking, “Can I touch it?” Blowjob experiments. Solo writing dates at ye olde greasy diner. Being interviewed by people who’ve done their research. Nerdy overanalytical aftercare. Bex picking me up at the airport with homemade cookies in tow. Bagels and cream cheese on Long Island. Elegant cocktails. Hearing Sir singing “Story Telling” in the shower. Subtle public D/s at an improv show. Mutual vulnerability. My new Hitachi-shaped pipe from Bex! Getting to write for a long-time dream publication of mine (just you wait!). Listening very fucking hard.