Blogging & Writing

My New Tattoo is an Ode to Writing

Kate Sloan

One oft-repeated truism about tattoos is that once you get your first one, you’ll just want more and more. Obviously this isn’t true for everyone, but it has certainly been true for me. I got my first tattoo 5 years ago and have gotten about one per year since then.

When I got my first book deal last year and submitted the completed manuscript earlier this year, I pondered tattoos I could get to memorialize the experience. Several linguistically-inclined friends of mine have writing-themed tattoos – an ampersand, a typewriter, a pen nib – and I always oohed and aahed over them while knowing that they weren’t ideal images for my own scribe-centric ink. I don’t use typewriters (at least, not since a multimedia zine project in 2010), I don’t often pick up a fountain pen, and plain punctuation just doesn’t jive with my preferred tattoo style: colorful, quirky, and fun.

However, over the past couple years, two writing implements came into my possession that I thought were pretty enough to get tattooed on me: the pink and silver limited-edition Blackwing Volume 54 pencil, and the peacock-blue Retro 51 Tornado pen. Both have become desktop staples for me; I make scribbled notes with them during podcast recordings and journalism interviews, write in my journal with them over steaming cups of tea, tuck them into my bag when I go out incase of a writing emergency… These two tools have fast become some of the most beloved (and most beautiful) members of my collection.

I vaguely knew they might look good in a tattoo together on my upper left arm, perhaps with a purple background to bridge the color-spectrum gap between their pink and blue hues (and also to mirror the shades of the bisexual pride flag!), but I didn’t know exactly how they should be arranged on my skin. So I emailed Laura Blaney – the Etobicoke-based artist who also did the pink bows on my thighs and the stunning flowers on my right arm – and attached some reference images. We met up for a consultation at her studio, and I felt – as I have every other time I’ve gone to see her – that she 100% understood what I wanted, and would be able to provide it. Yay!

Unfortunately, then we had to postpone our appointment for 4 months because of the pandemic. But it wasn’t really that frustrating, because I got to spend those extra months thinking about the design and making sure I really, really wanted it – which I did. By the time we finally rebooked in July, Laura’s studio had put health and safety measures into place to keep the environment as COVID-proof as possible – and reputable tattoo parlors are also, by necessity, already pretty damn safe and sanitized to begin with.

On the day of my appointment, I took all my usual safety measures (mask, hand sanitizer, obsessive hand-washing), and took an Uber to the studio. The tattooing stations were appropriately socially distanced, and the few other people present were all wearing masks the entire time. Laura wiped down my phone and Kindle to sanitize them when I arrived, so I could use them safely while getting tattooed. We discussed layouts and colors a bit, settled on the design I wanted, and then started the inking process.

I had been worried it would be more painful than my previous tattoos, because my chronic pain disorder has gotten worse over the past couple years and some say it’s a result of increased neurological sensitivity to pain overall. But it barely hurt, and certainly not anywhere near as badly as my thigh tattoos, easily the most painful ones I’ve gotten (that skin is sensitive!). The only bothersome parts of it were the tops of the pen and pencil, where they curve slightly onto the bony part of my shoulder. Everything else was just a low-level scratchy feeling that I easily tuned out while losing myself in my e-reader.

The final result is exactly what I wanted: colorful, eye-catching, and meaningful. It’s a similar size and color palette to the floral tattoo on my other arm, so I look (and feel!) more symmetrical. And it’s also an instant conversation-starter about one of my favorite topics to discuss: writing!

Thanks so much, as always, to Laura for her tireless and meticulous work on this piece of art. I know I’ll adore it for many, many years to come.

 

Previous posts about my tattoos:

On Being a Chronically Ill Writer

Kate Sloan

My daily routine is more affected by my chronic illness than I’d like to admit. Work can’t start until I manage to forge a path through my fatigue with the requisite amount of coffee and good music; task-switching and location-switching are informed by which positions my body can tolerate that day and which it refuses to; and when my pain decides that the work day has ended, I usually have to listen.

It’s – to say the least – a bummer, especially since I used to be renowned among my friend group and my online communities for my productivity as a writer. The same impulses still come up as before, the ones that pushed me toward creativity and stamina and long sore-eyed hours in front of the computer, but my body cannot enact my mind’s wishes on most days now and it makes me feel like a failure. Like I’m failing not only myself but also all the people who taught me how to write and all the people who believe (or believed) in me as a writer.

I seem to come back to Esmé Wang’s blog The Unexpected Shape over and over again as I wade deeper into the chronic illness life. Esmé is one of my favorite writers, and – like me – she deals with pain and fatigue (among numerous other symptoms) as part of her daily life. She’s written a lot about “creating a healthy writing practice when your health doesn’t want to cooperate,” and I’ve found her suggestions helpful, so here are some of mine, incase they can help anybody else.

I keep a to-do list almost every day, which boils down my most pressing tasks to an easily digestible form. The desire to tick those boxes and complete the list is sometimes stronger than the downward gravitational pull of my body’s limitations. When there’s only one more thing left to do on the list, usually that fact alone is enough to get me to roll up my sleeves and work on it – even if, by that point, I have to go very slowly and take many breaks.

I have a padded lap desk that I use when I’m in bed, to hold my laptop steady and keep it from overheating on the duvet, or burning my skin (temperature sensitivity is sometimes a symptom of mine). However, depending on where my pain is manifesting on any particular day, it may not always be possible to comfortably work in bed – so I move around, from the bed to the couch to the desk to the chair, looking for a few minutes of relief in which I can type a few hundred words or answer a few emails.

On days when my body is rebelling so much that even sitting at my computer feels exhausting and unfeasible, I’ll use the Notes app on my phone, which syncs to my other devices so I can easily copy and paste the text to where it needs to go later when I’m able to. I haven’t needed dictation software as of yet – the way I write and edit is exacting and particular in such a way that I get frustrated at the very thought of not being able to see what I’m writing as I write it – but am keeping it in mind for if/when my level of debilitation progresses enough to make it necessary. On especially bad days, sometimes I’ll write in longhand (I like Blackwing pencils and Moleskine notebooks; they make this process feel glamorous and easy) and then type up the words when I can.

I rely a lot on pre-scheduling. This was always true, due to the way the hypomanic episodes of my early 20s made me want to write, write, write on certain days while depression kept me uselessly crying in bed on other days. Now, I’m more aware than ever that any day – or even hour – when I feel capable of working is worth taking advantage of, if I can. Doesn’t matter if a blog post won’t be published until Thursday; one motivated and limber-fingered hour on Tuesday might be the right time to get it done. I try, as much as I can, not to leave writing tasks until the last minute before the deadline, because I can’t control what my body will be doing at that time.

I take naps as needed, which I’m fortunate to usually be able to do, due to my freelancer lifestyle. A good eye mask is a must-have for mid-day naps. My body pillow helps keep me comfortable while I’m resting. I use the Clock app on my phone to set timers/alarms so I don’t nap the whole day away.

I have a cheap microwaveable heating pad with Velcro straps that can be positioned on sore body parts as needed. I want to amass a collection of these so I don’t have to choose between treating multiple sore body parts on especially bad pain days.

Comfortable clothing is crucial, especially since my fibromyalgia-esque chronic illness sometimes causes flare-ups of hypersensitivity to scratchy or restrictive garments. I like extra-soft tri-blend T-shirts, MeUndies modal underwear and lounge pants, and (when I’m feeling a bit fancier) modal slip dresses and vintage silk robes. I particularly like loungewear that can be re-styled in an outdoors-appropriate way incase I need to dash out for a coffee or some groceries.

I’ve started using a pain tracking app to keep records of my pain’s intensity, locations, triggers, and treatments. I like this one because it’s super customizable; I can, for example, add “orgasms” as an option in the treatments category, or track my anxiety levels alongside my pain levels to see if they match up, or input impending menstruation as a potential trigger.

I’ll sometimes take a mid-day bath when my pain is especially bad, because I find the hot water gives me some relief for a while. Epsom salts are supposedly good for pain relief because of their magnesium content. Some people write in the bath; I haven’t yet figured out a way to do this that feels safe and sustainable for me, since I don’t want to get electronics close to the water and I worry about dropping my notebook into the tub. Maybe one of those wooden bathtub trays is in my future. For now, if I need to continue working while in the bath, I usually use it as reading/research time – my Kindle Oasis is waterproof and I can load it up with PDFs of my choosing, like scientific studies I intend to cite in an article or books I’m assigned to review.

Finally, one of my greatest tools in the fight against pain is cannabis – which, fortunately, is legal where I live. (By the way, why the fuck hasn’t Canada pardoned and freed everyone who is incarcerated on cannabis-related grounds? It’s bullshit with hugely racist motivations and manifestations. Anyway…) Usually weed makes me too spacey/giggly to work properly, so I mostly leave it until the end of the day when all my work is done, but sometimes my pain is bad enough that I need to treat it in order to focus on any task. In that case I’ll try to pick a strain high in CBD and low in THC, use it sparingly, and schedule my day so that I’m doing highly methodical or highly creative tasks while high – never anything requiring a lot of logical analysis or careful phrasing.

That’s what’s working for me right now. I’d love to hear from other chronically ill writers in the comments (or in your own blog posts, if you prefer – send me a link please!) about how they manage their symptoms and get their work done.

 

Additional resources I’ve found helpful on this topic:

12 Days of Girly Juice 2019: 11 Favorite Blog Posts

Kate Sloan

By the end of this month, I will have written and published 133 blog posts in 2019. I am a fiend; somebody stop me!! (Except don’t; this blog has become my main source of income in recent years.)

To sum up the year – and to give you some reading material to hang onto for when you’re hiding from your family in the bathroom over the holidays (lol) – here are my 11 favorite blog posts I published this year! (Curious about previous years’ favorite posts? Here’s 2018 and 2017!) These are ordered chronologically, rather than preferentially. Let’s dive in!

Early in the year, I wrote “Roleplay and Rapport at the Library Bar,” a post chronicling a roleplay scene I did with my partner where we pretended to be strangers meeting up to do an interview for a magazine story. This is one of my favorite scenes we did all year and I’m glad I had the presence of mind to write about it while it was still fresh! I liked including a few actionable tips at the end of the post for how to do a similar scene if you’re inclined to; I’m hoping to write more “sexy meets helpful” posts like this in 2020!

I always appreciate opportunities to write sponsored posts that are thought-provoking and engaging, and one of my faves of the year was “Sexting, Spanking, Stroking: What ‘Counts’ As Sex?“ The parameters of “sex” are unclear and ever-shifting, especially in this day and age, and it was fun to pontificate on the distinction between “sex” and “not sex” in this meandering post. I especially liked including little vignettes of encounters I’ve had that were ambiguously defined: “Does this count as sex?”

One of my most emotional posts of the year was “Obsessed & Distressed: Reflections on Rabid Love.” It’s about people whose affections could be deemed “obsessive” (like me) and whether or not their partners need to match that level of enthusiasm in order to stay with them happily. I’m still not totally sure where I fall on this – I think I could be happy with someone who loved less vehemently than I do, provided I was still getting that kick of hyper-focus from another relationship in my life – but it was fun to weigh the different sides of the issue nonetheless.

For my 7-year “bloggiversary” in March, I wrote “How I Became a Full-Time Sex Writer,” a timeline of my evolution into the salacious scribe you see before you today. I hope some folks found this helpful who are considering pursuing, or are already pursuing, a career like mine. When walking such an unusual path, it helps to have a road map, even if someone else’s journey isn’t quite the same as your own.

“You’re Someone’s Favorite Flavor“ was a retelling of a metaphor I’ve loved and used for a long time, about ice cream and attractiveness. I heard from a lot of people that this post helped ease some of their own panicked insecurities, which was, for me, the whole point of writing it.

My introversion remained an important part of my identity this year, hence writing a guide about “How to Take Yourself on a Date.” I was inspired by comedian Lane Moore’s dedication to the self-date, as detailed (alongside lots of other stuff) in her brilliant book How to Be Alone, and decided to write about my own experiences with this somewhat quirky practice. If even one person felt more empowered to “treat themselves” after reading my post, then I did my job!

When my partner came out as non-binary in July, I (of course) promptly wrote an R-rated post about it: “How They Fuck Me.” This was a meditation on the trans and non-binary partners I’ve been lucky enough to have, and the ways that their gender discoveries interplayed with our sex lives. This was one of my most popular posts of the year and I’m so glad!

I had a coming-out of my own in August, publishing a post called “So… I’m Demisexual!“ This was an identity I’d been pondering for a while, so it was good to have a chance to articulate it more fully, both for myself and for others. Ace-spectrum identities are still widely misunderstood, and shining more light on them is always worth doing.

One of the most fun posts I worked on all year was “The Joys of Distraction Play (or: I Wrote This While Getting My Clit Sucked).” Was this the first time that writing a blog post was, itself, a kink scene for me? Quite possibly…

My partner recently noted that my journalism education comes through in my blogging, and my post “The Case of the Disappearing Safety Pin Fetish“ was a prime example. I stumbled across this 1954 case study while researching a piece for a client about fetish psychology, and was immediately captivated. It led me to reflect on the ways fetishists are (mis)treated in our culture, and the hope that we might one day all be free to pursue our various kinks in whatever (risk-aware, consensual) ways we want.

Finally, I would be remiss not to include “Announcing… My Book Deal!!!“ in this list. I worked on this post behind-the-scenes for weeks while I awaited the go-ahead from my agent to shout about my forthcoming book from the proverbial rooftops, and I think it came out really cool. It contains not only the pertinent details about the book, but also a timeline of how the entire deal came to be – from the glimmer of an idea, to a signed contract in my hands. I hope it fires you up to pursue your own book deal, if that’s something you want!

What were your favorite blog posts you read this year (either on this site or elsewhere)? Link ’em in the comments!

Announcing… My Book Deal!!!

Kate Sloan
Signing my book contract at the Library Bar. Photo by my sweetheart Matt.

Yes, friends, I have good news: after many months of preparation and negotiation, I have signed a book deal with Laurence King Publishing! One of my long-time dreams as a writer is finally going to come true. Here’s a brief FAQ:

Q. What’s the book called?

A. The working title at the moment is 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do.

Q. What’s it about?

A. It’s an accessible, consent-focused, safety-forward introduction to kink and BDSM for vanilla people and/or beginners. It covers 101 different kinky activities, from aftercare to wrestling. Each chapter explains the kink in question, theorizes about why people find it hot, and offers concrete suggestions for incorporating it into your sex life, both solo and partnered.

Q. When will it be out?

A. March 2021, so I’m told! Yes, that is a long time from now. Wow. I will have lots more details for you (where to get it, etc.) as the launch date approaches.

Q. How much of it have you written?

A. Currently a little over half. It’s due in January, so I’m making good time!

Q. How did you get the book deal?

A. Read on, my friend – here’s that timeline of events!

December 4th, 2015: I go to a local sex shop to interview one of the owners for a story I’m writing about the sex toy industry. At the end of our exhaustive, hour-long interview, he says, “I think this topic could be a book, and I think you’re the person to write it.” My face immediately morphs into the human embodiment of the thinking emoji 🤔 as I say out loud, “Hmmmm!” I take the streetcar home thinking about whether I’ll ever write a book, whether I even want to, and what it would be about.

February 7th, 2018: I get a PR email from an editor promoting a sex-related book she worked on. Her email signature says she’s also a literary agent. I take a chance and mention casually that I’ve wanted to write a sex book for a while. She replies, “If you ever do write that book, please feel free to reach out to me about it, as I definitely am seeking clients in the sex and sexuality realm.”

March 28th of this year: I get an email through my contact form from a commissioning editor for Laurence King, a publishing house in London, England. “I’ve been thinking we should consider a fresh approach to sex in book form and I wondered if you would be interested in talking about it,” she writes. “Please contact me if that sounds interesting.” I stare at my inbox in awed disbelief.

April 2nd: I “hop on a call” with the editor to toss around some potential book ideas. The two pitches I’ve prepared for her, it turns out, are more conceptual, cerebral, and wordy than is really appropriate – Laurence King publishes beautifully-designed books, often on art or photography or design, loaded with illustrations and diagrams, not usually densely-packed paragraphs of storytelling. So I think on my feet, and pitch this: “101 Unusual Kinks & Fetishes.” I explain that I’ve always been fascinated by the most eccentric sexual interests, from balloon fetishism to sneezing fetishism to knife play, and that I’d love to highlight those for a curious audience. The editor gets audibly excited about this idea and asks me to put together a proposal.

April 7th: I send over my proposal, including sample sections on topics like collars, hypnosis, and masochism.

April 18th: My editor gets back to me and says that after discussing my proposal with her team, she now thinks there would be more of a market for a book on kinks anyone might reasonably get involved in, rather than being focused on hyper-specific fetish subcultures. The working title “101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do” is suggested.

May 4th: After multiple thoughtful and helpful conversations with kink-savvy friends, I submit a reworked version of my proposal, this time including only kinks that the average vanilla-identifying beginner might be curious about actually trying in their own sex life.

May 24th: My editor emails to say that she just pitched my book at an “Ideas Meeting,” and while she was nervous about how people would react to the topic, “it was a resounding success.” She tells me she needs some time to calculate the costs of the book and such, before the company can make me an offer.

June 1st: I email that literary agent from long ago to tell her about my current book situation and to ask if she’ll represent me.

June 7th: The agent calls me and we chat about what agents actually do and how she and her agency can support me through this process.

July 12th: My editor tells me that she recently overheard someone at the company saying the funniest sentence ever devised (according to me, anyway), “Kink is the new houseplant.” This doesn’t make sense unless you know that Laurence King had a very successful book about houseplants. 🤷🏻‍♀️

July 22nd: I sign my agency agreement with the Carol Mann Agency. I officially have an agent, yay!

August 13th: I receive my official offer from Laurence King – a proposed advance and royalty rates, the size of the book and quantity of first print, the word count and deadline. I forward it to my agent and we put together lists of follow-up questions and points to negotiate.

October 17th: Amidst weeks upon weeks of back-and-forth negotiations between my agent and publisher, I’m getting increasingly anxious – I haven’t started writing yet, thinking I can’t or shouldn’t until the contract is signed, but my deadline isn’t budging nonetheless. My agent writes to me, “There’s no reason you can’t start working now. We are nearly there, so if you have the bandwidth, you don’t have to wait until the ink is dry to commence!” I open Scrivener, set up my word count goals and due date, and start. It’s nervewracking but so so good.

November 16th: At long last after months of negotiations, I sign the final contract, over good cocktails and oysters at the Library Bar. We toast to my book and the hard work that got me here.

November 27th: My agent gives me the go-ahead to announce the book, and I publish this blog post!

On a personal note, I want to say thank you to each and every one of my readers. Y’all are the reason I got noticed by a publisher and an agent to begin with, and you’ve also given me the space and feedback that has enabled me to develop my writing voice and niche(s) over the ~7.5 years I’ve been writing this blog. Your encouragement has kept me going at tough times, and I think about you every time I write anything. I really look forward to hearing what you think of the book when it comes out!

Remotely Helpful, Part 3: Buddies & Boundaries

Kate Sloan

I’m back with more tips for working from home! These final 3 are crucial (but, frankly, all of them have been)…

#7: Find ways to combat loneliness.

Working from home is lonely as hell sometimes! Mostly I am okay with this, since I am super introverted and work best with minimal distractions (I still have nightmarish flashbacks to the office I once worked in that was filled with women in their early twenties constantly arguing about sex and dating). However, sometimes all that solitude is bad for morale! This is typically when I head out to a café (as discussed in my last post), text a friend for a mid-day chat, or schedule a co-working date with a pal if possible.

The most common way I deal with loneliness on the job, though, is social media. Twitter, Slack, Facebook, Instagram, Reddit: these services are often decried by productivity nerds for sucking up precious time and energy throughout the day, but used judiciously, I think they can be a godsend for lonesome freelancers. Where else could I gather on-the-fly opinions from my readers on stuff I’m working on, advice from fellow writers on methods and word choice, and terrible puns from sex-blogger pals across the globe?!

#8: Protect your time fiercely.

In my experience, if someone knows you work from home/are a freelancer, they’ll often assume that means you can do whatever you want whenever you want, deadlines be damned. I don’t know why they think this. It is annoying as fuck. Like, yes, I could step away from my computer for 2 hours on a Thursday afternoon to go see a movie with my mom or go shopping with a friend, and I appreciate offers to do so, but I don’t appreciate when those offers turn into pressure! This is even more aggravating when friends or family members see that you’re working but behave as though you’re playing a computer game or something – like they can interrupt you and distract you willy-nilly, because what you’re doing couldn’t possibly be real work, right?!

Now that I’ve gotten that rant off my chest… Being able to protect your time is really important as a freelancer. When a friend would ask me to hang out or do something for them, I used to say, “Sure, I’m free all day!” because that was technically true – my entire day was theoretically flexible and each item on my schedule was moveable. But nowadays, I’m more comfortable saying, “I’m free between [this time] and [that time],” or “I actually can’t, I have a deadline coming up, but maybe next week?” I’ve also gotten better at saying to people when they’ve interrupted me – in the politest way I can – “I have to get back to work now,” which elicits a surprised expression more often than you might expect. (Do these people… not know freelancing is work?!) This type of boundary-setting is mandatory for me if I’m going to get anything done ever.

#9: …but don’t forget to take breaks!

Trust me, your brainpower will eventually fizzle if you don’t give yourself enough downtime, and that type of burnout is really inconvenient when there’s a deadline around the corner! I understand the productivity-frenzied frustration of taking a break when you feel like you “have to” keep working – even if you’ve been working all day – but the “rest” part of the work cycle is truly just as important as the “work” part. Don’t lose sight of that!

I sometimes schedule things for myself specifically to force myself to take breaks – like buying a theatre ticket for a Friday night at the end of a busy week, or making plans to chat with a friend at a certain time so I have to get everything done by then and set aside my work for the day. I also like to use mid-day errands as a reminder to “switch off”: trips to the bank or the grocery store are restful compared to being hunched over a laptop, and I always listen to podcasts or music on my way to and from these places so my brain gets a little shake-up.

 

What are your top tips for working from home?