I’ve been a sex nerd for decades, have done deep dives into sexual subcultures for books and podcasts, have philosophized with friends about sexuality for countless hours – and this is a question I still come back to, time and time again. Like a koan, it seems less answerable the more that I ponder it.
I think the definition probably seemed more clear-cut to me before my current relationship. Seven years of long-distance taught me that activities like phone sex and sexting can absolutely feel like sex, and can be just as intimate, connective, exciting, arousing, and orgasmic. Occasionally I’ve had phone sex with my partner on the same day as having in-person sex with someone else (what can I say, I’m booked ‘n’ busy) and there were times when the phone sex felt more like “real sex” to me than the IRL sex – because I got more turned on, or stayed in the moment more easily, or felt closer to my partner, or all of the above. These qualities aren’t inherent to everyone‘s definition of sex, but they certainly make sex feel more engaging to me, and thus more “real.”
To that end, a lot of different things can be sex, if you choose to see them that way. A study of over 10,000 cam-show viewers, for instance, found that 19% of them see those cam encounters as “real sex.” I wondered, upon reading this, how many webcam performers think of their shows as being “real sex.” Certainly, the babes of BongaCams.com and other such sites are doing sex work, but I imagine performers’ opinions differ widely on this, and my own dalliances into cam work mostly felt like work, and not like sex.
The asexual community, too, has taught me a lot about the definition of sex – mainly, that it might not matter as much as I used to think it did. We put so much emphasis on sex as a society that it’s easy to forget how fun (and even hot) it can be to connect with people, including lovers/partners, through non-sexual (or not-directly-sexual) activities. That can be anything from taking a bath together, to going on a hike together, to reading poetry to each other, to feeding each other grapes, to mud-wrestling, to hypnosis, to silently meditating in the same room together… all of which might be defined as sex by somebody, and that’s okay too!
So, what is sex? I think ultimately, the answer depends on who you’re talking to, and your definition may need to evolve throughout your life (or throughout your day!) to accommodate for the different spaces you find yourself in. When I tell my doctor I had sex with someone, I mean that bodily fluids were potentially exchanged. When I tell my straight friends I had sex with someone, I probably mean some clothes came off and somebody’s genitals were stimulated; when I tell my queer friends I had sex with someone, I might also mean we did something like dry-humping or spanking. When my wife says to me, “I liked fucking you last night,” or “You fucked me so well last night,” or “We haven’t fucked in a while and I miss it,” I know that she’s including phone sex and IRL sex in her definition – and that an intense and connective kink scene might well scratch that itch, too.
So when you find yourself wondering whether a particular experience “counted as” sex, first ask yourself why it matters – and then ask yourself how it made you feel. Sex can be so much more than “insert tab A into slot B,” and I find that my sex life – and my life in general – feel more vibrant when I broaden my definitions of sex, pleasure, connection, and joy.
This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
I love notebooks so damn much. This became extra apparent to me recently when I packed up all my stuff to move to New York. Not only were there dozens of notebooks – both empty and filled – that needed to be transported to our new place, but also I have a bunch of them in current rotation that I needed to bring with me in my carry-on! Oh, the life of a notebook nerd…
I know there are other such nerds who read this site (hi!), so today I thought I’d tell you a bit about my current “system” of notebooks (if it can even be called that): which ones I’m using, and what I’m using them for, along with a nosy little peek into each. Let’s geek out together!
The notebook:Large ruled hardcover Moleskine What it’s for: Journaling, emotional processing, word-vomiting about crushes, etc.
I’ve been using these specific Moleskine notebooks as my everyday journals since 2007 (!!!) and have filled a few dozen of them in that time. It’s so satisfying to see them all lined up on a shelf, their dates noted in silver Sharpie on their spines.
My journals are where I process unfiltered thoughts and feelings about everything from dating to sex to health to friendships to geopolitics. I don’t usually publish journal entries as-is, but I often refer back to them when writing more polished pieces later on, since they contain raw notes on my immediate emotional reactions to pretty much everything that happens to me.
I always decorate the covers of my journals so each one has its own unique look, theoretically reflective of what I was thinking/feeling/doing during the era documented therein. My current journal has a rainbow heart sticker (happy belated Pride!), an Oliver Hibert skull sticker (I’m obsessed with his art right now, especially his tarot deck), and a “Never Post” sticker that I got at XOXO Fest, which serves as a reminder that it’s usually better to journal your personal thoughts, rather than tweet them. (Do as I say, not as I do…) There’s also an Njoy Eleven sticker on the back of this one, which I probably picked up at the Njoy booth at Woodhull years ago.
Moleskine’s “volant” notebooks are skinny little softcovers that I first started using when I was in journalism school. They could ride around at the bottom of my tote bag, get bent and scuffed, etc. and still hold all my class notes just fine. I like that they come in cute limited-edition colors; I think this kelly-green one was a gift from my brother, who knows me well.
These days, I use volants for work-related process notes, like my detailed thoughts about a sex toy while I’m testing it for a review. I also take notes in here while recording podcasts; it helps me listen better and hold onto the fleeting thoughts/questions that are apt to fly out of my brain if I don’t jot them down immediately. (Above are some of the notes I took during my conversation with masculinities scholar Dr. Kris Taylor about porn addiction and NoFap last year, incase you were wondering why the hell it says phrases like “Chad behavior” and “sex is devoid of pleasure”…)
This elegant white Midori notebook was a gift from my wife; it has gorgeously smooth paper which owes its signature softness to the cotton fiber in its formulation. I normally prefer lined pages over blank ones (that’s how you know I’m a writer and not a visual artist, I guess!), but the blankness is helpful when you’re brainstorming something big – like a romance novel, for instance! I’m a little over 50,000 words into my first (very rough) draft of my first (very rough) novel, and the planning I’ve been doing in this notebook has been instrumental in getting me that far.
Relatedly, I keep a little Field Notes book in my bag when I’m out and about, in which I mostly jot down novel-related ideas that come to me on the subway or whatever – but occasionally I also use it for other random notes as needed, like when I attended a musical improv workshop recently. This particular notebook is limited-edition, made special for attendees of XOXO Fest 2024; its cover is a cyanotype of sunlight peeking through the trees at Washington High in Portland, where the festival took place. Cute!
Another gift from my wonderful and thoughtful wife! I was intrigued by this notebook as soon as I read Blackwing’s announcement about it; they had collaborated with George Harrison’s family to design this songwriting notebook in tribute to him. It’s decorated with a striking image of his signature guitar. The pages are blank, and the notebook comes with a clear plastic insert that acts as a guide if you want to draw a music staff or guitar chord charts, etc. There’s even a pencil loop on the spine of the book so you’ll never lose your writing implement. It’s all quite thoughtful!
Throughout most of my SongAWeek project (I’m on year 3 now!), I would work on songs wherever I could: in my journal, in the Notes app on my phone, on a napkin at my local pub, etc. Still to this day, if I get a good song idea, I have to write it down somewhere immediately, no matter where I am, because of the unforgivingly breakneck pace of SongAWeek – so, songs don’t always start in this notebook, but I tend to do heavy-duty lyric editing in here as I’m finishing a song (or, as Diane Warren puts it, “wrestling that song to the ground”). And by the way, if you’re curious about the lyrics in the above image, they’re from a country song I wrote about period sex!
I also keep a big long list in here of ideas for songs, or potential song titles/taglines/etc. Previously they were all scattered across multiple mediums, and I can’t even tell you how helpful it is to have them all in one place instead – it means I have something to start from every week, instead of just a blank page staring back at me. This is the exact kind of thing I mean when I say that writing tools (like notebooks) aren’t magic, and won’t make you a better writer in and of themselves, but they can inspire you to write more often, and can help you organize your thoughts better, which often leads to better writing. Or at least more writing… some of which will be good, surely!
Possibly my favorite notebook at the moment. It has super-smooth paper, comes in fun colors, and fits easily into most purses and pockets. I love the versatility of a reporter-style notebook, too: their hard cover and vertical orientation makes it easy to write in them whether you’re sitting at a desk, reclining in a movie theatre, or walking down the street.
I take notes in here on many of the movies and TV shows I watch these days. It helps me pay attention better, and is useful if I want to remember my impressions of a certain piece of media while writing about it later on, or talking to a friend about it, etc. The notes pictured in the image above, for instance, were taken while watching the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral (adorable; love Hugh Grant!) and then some episodes of Kevin Can F**k Himself (low-key a modern feminist masterpiece). Invariably, my notes aren’t just about the media itself, but about my reactions to the media – so this notebook arguably contains just as many personal insights as my journal, albeit expressed differently!
I also sometimes take notes in here while on phone calls/Zoom calls/etc. with friends or partners, because (as mentioned) the reporter-style form factor lends itself well to impromptu note-taking regardless of where I am. Notes on conversations can be useful to refer to when I’m journaling later, among other things. And these notepads conveniently have a built-in table of contents near the front, so when I need to find a specific thing, I always can. Gosh, aren’t notebooks a great technology?
What’s your current notebook configuration? Feel free to share in the comments! 🤓
My friend Dan is a karaoke fiend (as am I), but our go-to joint was no longer doing karaoke nights, so for his birthday we tried out the one at Owl’s Club. The vibe is very “church basement” but in a way that’s kinda quaint? Seemed like there’s a great community of regulars who come back week after week – lots of dancing, laughing, and general merrymaking!
I got a disproportionate number of compliments on this outfit for how simple it was… Pretty sure the Doc Martens make me look a hell of a lot cooler than I am!
What I’m wearing: • Black T-shirt with “W” logo – sent to me by some sex toy brand whose name I can’t recall; I like it because it appears to be Wikipedia merch, even though it isn’t 😂
• Denim shorts – the Gap; you will see a lot of them in this post!
• Black leather 10-hole Doc Martens
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Rainbow earrings – 3Delightfulshop on Etsy
• Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade
June 8th, 2025
I wore this to do a musical improv show with my troupe. I’m still adjusting to the sudden hard pivot I made from dressing mostly femme to dressing mostly androgynous upon re-joining the improv community last year – partly for practical reasons and partly just because I felt like a different person. This shirt and pants are both recent acquisitions as I’ve gradually updated my wardrobe to fit my current vibe. The loud Nikes and heart-shaped glasses, on the other hand, are older items which somehow fit right into my on-stage aesthetic. They’re like psychological armor for me at this point! (And that night, I sang about grapefruit cunnilingus and the mortality of autumn, incase you were wondering.)
What I’m wearing: • Blue & red striped cropped T-shirt – the Gap (so great, makes me feel like the adult host of a children’s television show in the ’90s)
• Black ponte pants – the Gap, a gift from my mama (stretchy, comfy, perf improvwear)
• Pink/red/blue custom Nike Air Force 1s
• Heart-shaped prescription glasses – Zenni
• Black leather belt – the Gap
• Apple Watch with navy leather Hermès band – both gifts from my wife
June 12th, 2025
Some friends of mine were performing in an improv show at SoCap, and it was really hot out, so I put on this semi-unhinged little outfit to go watch them. They were excellent, and then we went out for a late-night dinner at the Edmund Burke before going over to a friend’s house for some silly late-night intoxicated musical improv over YouTube-sourced backing tracks. Improvisers are strange and wonderful people.
What I’m wearing: • Black heart-print modal romper – MeUndies (some would say this isn’t the kind of thing you should wear out of the house… and they would be wrong about that)
• Rainbow cardigan – ModCloth many years ago (don’t shop from them these days, though – last I heard, they were taking payments without ever shipping orders out!)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather vintage Coach Station handbag
June 13th, 2025
Told you I’ve been dressing more androgynously lately… This is probably the closest thing I’ve ever worn (and will ever wear) to a suit! I wore this out for a solo dinner at my beloved local pub, the Queen & Beaver, during which I read from David Rees’s deceptively hilarious book How to Sharpen Pencils.
What I’m wearing: • Black blazer – thrifted many years ago and worn to a handful of job interviews in my twenties
• Orange-red tank top – the Gap
• Black ponte pants – the Gap
• Custom Nikes
• Vintage Coach Station bag
June 14th, 2025
Something I haven’t mentioned thus far in this post is that I spent most of June preparing to move to New York. Needless to say, packing up your entire life to move to a different country is an absolutely exhausting endeavor! There were some bright spots, however… like when I hauled a bunch of old clothes over to my local thrift store to donate them, and happened upon these jeans.
As I mentioned in my last outfits post, my body has changed size recently due to some medications I’m on, and so a lot of my clothes don’t fit me very well at the moment. I didn’t have any great-fitting jeans at this time, for example, but was wearing jeans to my improv shows nearly every week, so I needed a pair that actually fit! And although the surly goth manning the thrift-shop counter told me morosely that there weren’t any fitting rooms, I had a feeling these were meant to be mine, so I bought them, took them home, tried them on, and… knew I’d never loved a pair of jeans more in my entire life. I then proceeded to wear them obsessively for weeks on end, when weather allowed!
What I’m wearing: • Greyish-blue tank top – some generic chain store; probably more of a bralette, to be honest with you!
• Blue skinny jeans – thrifted; they are the “Lola High Rise skinny” style by Denim Forum (a Canadian brand, incidentally!)
• Eevee socks that were probably a gift from my mama
June 16th, 2025
Not my most inventive ensemble, but here’s what I wore to have drinks at Civil Liberties (best cocktail bar ever) with a couple of kinksters I know from the internet who’d recently moved to Toronto! Always good to chat with fellow pervs over excellent bevs.
What I’m wearing:
• Cropped pink T-shirt – the Gap
• The aforementioned magic thrifted Denim Forum jeans
• The also-aforementioned custom Nikes, vintage Coach Station bag, and Danier Leather jacket
• Raspberry-pink heart-shaped leather earrings – Unicorn Collaborators
• Prescription sunglasses – Zenni
June 20th, 2025
Here’s what I wore to host my going-away party! I was really nervous, not being much of a party hostess (especially not since 2020!!), but I had such a fun time with my hilarious pals. It was a group of about 20 of us – roughly half were from my present-day improv troupe, while the other half were from other sectors/eras of my life, which was kinda trippy. But I guess that’s what parties are for, huh?
Because of my weird-ass job, I had amassed dozens of new-in-box sex toys that I had no particular use for, plus 48(!!) Tenga Eggs, and so I laid all of those out at the party and invited my guests to take whatever they pleased. I am thrilled to announce that nothing was left by the end of the night. And then we went to Comedy Bar karaoke for the after-party, and then went to Pizza Pizza for the after-after-party, and then moved to the Pizza Pizza parking lot for the after-after-after-party. I didn’t get home until nearly 4 a.m., which I’m pretty sure has not happened since I was an energetic young thing circa 2012…! (Thanks, low-dose naltrexone!)
What I’m wearing: • Pink jumpsuit – Le Chateau
• The aforementioned Nikes, Coach bag, Apple Watch and Unicorn Collaborators earrings
• …& let’s not forget my fabulous Bailey Hikawa phone case, which delights me daily!
Photos by my mama
June 22nd, 2025
Another improv show outfit! Improvising in shorts and a crop top is not ideal as far as wardrobe malfunction risk, but good lord it was so fucking hot out on this day, so I layered with tights and a bralette as appropriate and hoped for the best! Someone told me this look reminded him of Bart Simpson, which feels like a compliment.
What I’m wearing: • Orange tank top – the Gap
• Denim shorts – the Gap
• Turquoise opaque tights – Hue
• Black leather Converse Chuck Taylor sneakers
• The aforementioned Zenni heart-shaped glasses and Unicorn Collaborators heart-shaped earrings (hmm… it would appear that I like hearts!)
June 26th, 2025
A couple of my friends were performing in a prom-themed improv show at Comedy Bar, complete with costumes and incredible makeup + hairstyling. It was a hoot! I had already packed most of my dresses for the upcoming move at this point, and this slinky little number was one of the only dresses still hanging in my closet, so I threw it on to go drink an IPA while laughing riotously at my friends’ scenes.
What I’m wearing: • Green polka-dotted dress – thrifted about a decade ago when trying to decide on a Feminist Porn Awards outfit
• Raspberry-pink lacy bralette – Aerie (just barely peeking out, and yet, notice how it matches my lipstick and my phone case… gawd I love being a femme)
• Black leather Doc Martens
• Vintage Coach Station bag
Middle photo by Tess
June 29th, 2025 (day)
Another way-too-hot day! My schedule was pretty packed: in the morning, I took the subway across town to attend a 4-hour musical improv intensive at Comedy Bar, taught by the lovely Devon Hyland, who is an insightful and hilarious teacher. We learned a lot about how to come up with a comedic premise for a song on-the-fly, which is somehow both easier and harder than it sounds… Those 4 hours really flew by!
After that, a friend and I took the subway over to the gayborhood together, because it was Pride Parade day! We walked around people-watching, talking, and soaking up the sun. Perfect day, tbh! And then later I had to change my outfit for my troupe’s final improv show (see below) – boooo!
What I’m wearing: • Red tank top – the Gap
• Denim shorts – the Gap
• Blue opaque tights – Hue
• The aforementioned custom Nikes, Apple Watch, vintage Coach bag, & rainbow earrings from 3Delightfulshop
• Rainbow bandana – thrifted in high school
June 29th, 2025 (night)
After the Pride Parade, I raced home and had just enough time to shower and change for our last show! Basically the same outfit as above, except with a few key items swapped out… so in fact, I won’t even go into detail on this one, except to say that the pink tank top is a different colorway of the same red one I wore above, and the heart-print tights were probably a gift from my mama in like 2013! Oh yeah, and the bag I always take with me on show nights is this orange leather Coach Poppy satchel that I found on eBay.
July 2nd, 2025
Originally my plan was to move on July 1st, but then some friends pointed out to me, “You’re leaving Canada on Canada Day?!” and suddenly it occurred to me: I should move on July 2nd instead, so I could spend my last night in the country watching the fireworks with my mom and brother like we do every year. It was a really special night and I’m so glad I stayed for it.
This was the next day, my actual moving day. Going into it, I was more stressed and anxious than I’ve felt about anything in a looooong time… but I was blessed enough to have a lot of amazing people helping me out, and so it went more smoothly than expected. As I’m writing this nearly a week later, I haven’t actually received my stuff from the movers yet, so we’ll have to wait and see how that goes… but overall, I’m really glad it’s done, and so happy to be living with my wife in Brooklyn now. Definitely feeling a lot better than I was when I took these moving-day photos, where the stress and trepidation (not to mention sweat) are palpable on my face!!
What I’m wearing: • Turquoise cropped T-shirt – the Gap
• The aforementioned thrifted Denim Forum jeans, Frye harness boots, and Apple Watch
• Blue leather Tori Burch bracelet – a gift from my love; sometimes I wear it when I want to feel like she is with me 💙
While best known for their wearable toys, like the Lush 4 G-spot vibe and Edge 2 vibrating butt plug, Lovense has expanded their range massively to include just about every major category of toy – so, of course, they had to make a wand, and that wand is the Domi.
The Domi is a petite wand, comparable in size to the Magic Wand Mini. It’s rechargeable and lasts up to 6 hours on a charge. Like Lovense’s other toys, this one can be controlled remotely (by you or by someone else) via the Lovense app. The Domi currently retails for $119.
This is an impressively strong little wand! And it’s pretty damn rumbly for the lowest third(-ish) of its power range, after which it starts to get progressively buzzier. In my experience, a lot of wand users like some buzziness with their rumbliness, though, especially on the higher end. Personally, I prefer rumbly, so I try to stay within the lower range of intensities when using this toy so I don’t get overstimulated or numbed out from the buzziness – but I like that it offers such a wide range in terms of not only vibration strength but also vibration timbre.
The Lovense app opens up basically infinite possibilities for customizing your experience with this toy (and most other Lovense toys, too): You can control the vibration speed with greater precision than via the toy’s own buttons, create your own vibration patterns or try other people’s creations, sync the vibrations up to music or sound, etc. There are lots of more minor settings you can change too – like I was able to turn off the blinking red light on the toy’s control panel, which I constantly mistook for a low-battery warning, by unchecking “enable LED” in the Domi’s settings. Yay!
I think this wand’s size and shape will work well for a huge range of users. I find it easy to hold and maneuver around, even with my achy hands/arms – especially because of the thoughtful finger indentations on the sides of the handle. The wand’s smallish head allows it to target a clit or the head of a dick with ease. The Domi is also way more travel-friendly than a full-size wand, making it suitable for long-distance couples in more ways than one.
I like the Domi’s buttons a lot. They’re simple, but well-executed: the “up” button is slightly bigger and more raised than the “down” button, so once you’re accustomed to them, you can find them easily without even looking at the control panel. Kudos.
Could be a pro or a con, depending on your preferences: The Domi’s neck is very flexible, so you can press the wand’s head decently hard against your body without fear of snapping the neck. If you like applying a lot of pressure against your bits, however, you might find the flexible neck annoying because it doesn’t allow for that.
It’s absolutely wild for a wand to have a battery life of 5-6 hours like this one does! (For reference, the Magic Wand Mini runs for 2 and a half hours on a full charge; the rechargeable Doxy Die Cast 3R mini wand runs for only an hour.)
Lovense makes a couple of optional attachments for the Domi: the “Male” attachment, which is made to stimulate the penis and prostate, and the “Female” attachment, which is made for clitoral and G-spot stimulation. While these attachments are cool and add a lot of functionality to the toy, I wish they were named something less cissexist, since trans and nonbinary people exist and it’s 2025. I also wish they were included with the wand itself, rather than costing an additional $18–25 each, since the wand alone is already a bit pricier at $119 than some other wands of comparable size and quality (for instance, Lovehoney’s rechargeable mini wand goes for $60, Doxy’s goes for $70, and the Magic Wand Mini is $100).
I’m so used to controlling wand vibes via their own buttons that it feels unnatural and unnecessary most of the time to connect the Domi to my phone and operate it via the Lovense app… but, if you control it solely via its buttons, you only get 3 steady vibration speeds to choose from, with big jumps in intensity between each, and then it goes into vibration patterns. I find this irritating; 6-8 different steady speeds is the minimum I’d hope for. I don’t want to have to pull out my phone every time I jerk off, especially since touchscreens are hard to operate with lubey hands.
This is a fairly loud vibe (as is common for wands), and the sound can be somewhat shrill and annoying. It’s not terrible but I definitely prefer to drown it out with some white noise on the stereo when I use this toy.
This wand isn’t fully waterproof, only IPX6 water-resistant, meaning it’s fine to wash it in the sink or use it in the shower but you shouldn’t submerge it. As an occasional bathtub masturbator, I find this a tad bit disappointing.
Final thoughts
Lovense is one of the most reliable companies making sex toys right now, if you ask me. I’ve loved many of their previous products, due primarily to their fantastic motors and excellent Bluetooth functionality – and the Domi 2 is no exception.
For myself personally, I tend to reach for wands that are easier to control via their own built-in buttons, so it’s not ideal for me that the Domi requires you to connect it to your phone to access its full range of settings. I also wish it were waterproof and quieter.
But overall I think the Domi 2 is a really solid option for anyone seeking a mini wand that boasts significant power, especially if you have a long-distance sexual connection in your life (or would like to, at some point). It’s not often that I have occasion to recommend a long-distance-compatible wand vibe, but this is the one to get, if you’re looking to get one!
This post was sponsored, meaning Lovense paid me to write a fair and honest review of this product (which I already owned!). As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
Have you ever met somebody so cool and sexy that you felt like, “I don’t even know if I could handle having sex with this person, but I sure want to try!”?
Yeah, that was me with the Wildolo Nut & Bolt No.1 dildo. And it worked out pretty damn well for me. Let’s talk about it.
Apparently Wildolo is a subsidiary of Hismith, makers of the bestselling Hismith sex machine – huh, small world! While perhaps best known for their fantasy dildos, Wildolo also makes more humanoid options – including the Nut & Bolt No.1, which they asked me to review.
It’s a silicone dildo that looks super realistic, aside from its uncommon dimensions (and the preternatural shininess of its dick skin). Described by Wildolo as “short, thick, and ruthless,” this dildo has an insertable length of 3.94″, and a diameter that tops out somewhere around 2.1″. (Wish I could be more exact, but I am in the midst of an international move and I already packed my tape measure 😂 Sex toy reviewer problems…) It’s relatively unusual to see a dildo this short and thick on the market. I enjoyed pairing it with fantasies about a giant who is considered to have a small penis amongst his own people, but whose dick is comically massive by human standards, and how that might affect him psychologically if we fucked. (Yes, my brain is strange. What of it?)
In addition to its impressive measurements, the Nut & Bolt No.1 also boasts a few other cool features: it has a sturdy suction-cup base (which also makes it anal-safe and harness-compatible), it vibrates, and its vibrations can be controlled remotely via the Wildolo app.
Damn, that’s a thick dick! I was worried about my ability to handle it, initially, because I’ve been so stressed/busy for the last couple of months that I’ve barely taken my pants off to masturbate, let alone used any penetrative toys… but with enough warm-up and wetness, I actually found this dildo not only comfortable, but immensely pleasurable. Its glossy silicone surface glides well when enough water-based lube is applied, its tip is slightly tapered for easier insertion, and it stretches me out gradually as I gently push it in. I’m nowhere near as much of a size queen as I was in my mid-twenties, but the girthiness of this dildo really hits the spot (so to speak) when I’m craving that sensation of being stretched and filled.
Speaking of “hitting the spot,” I was surprised that this Wildolo vibrating dildo manages to stimulate both my G-spot and my A-spot at once. It makes sense that it’s G-spotty: it’s got a pronounced coronal ridge that slides back and forth over that spot with every thrust, and its sizeable girth pretty much forces that ridge against your spot. (I assume it would stimulate a prostate similarly well.) But somehow, its upturned tip, though quite thick, can nudge at the periphery of my A-spot too, creating an all-around super-stimulating and satisfying sensation for me. There was even one quick-pulsing vibration pattern that reminded me of a partner rhythmically fingering my A-spot!
Because of its intense girth and G-spottiness, this dildo can make me squirt with very little effort on my part. In fact it pretty much guarantees that I will squirt when I come, even if I barely move the dildo at all during the lead-up. Neat!
I really like the balance Wildolo struck between hardness and softness with this silicone formulation. It feels realistically erection-like: squishy enough to bend with my body and remain comfortable throughout each thrust, but firm enough to be able to pound away when I need that. I also love that the silicone’s surface is glossy, because it makes for a smoother glide and means that my hands and arms don’t get as tired out when I thrust with this toy.
Downloading and installing the Wildolo app on my phone + connecting it to the toy took under a minute, total. The app itself, while a bit confusing and overstuffed with features (as sex toy apps often are), was also easy enough to pick up. I can control my own toy via the app, or invite a long-distance partner to do so. You get a lot of control over vibration intensity, can create your own patterns and try out other people’s creations, etc.
The suction-cup base is a nice touch. It allows you to use this toy hands-free if you want to, and also makes it anal-safe and harness-compatible. This is the kind of toy that makes me wish I had more mobility in my knees/hips so I could sit down on top of it and ride it, since that seems like the optimal way to use a dildo like this, ideally suction-cupped to a tile floor (or a big heavy hardcover book, if you’re in bed!).
The vibrations are pretty quiet, even at high speeds, as they’re significantly muted by the thick silicone (plus your own flesh, when in use). I don’t think this toy could be heard through a closed door. Gotta love a discreet dick!
I think $70 is a very fair price for this toy, given that some other realistic silicone dildos will run you 100+ and they often don’t even vibrate.
The vibration is, like… fine. It’s buzzy/high-pitched and not particularly strong, and there’s only 3 speeds followed by 7 patterns (although you can customize speeds/patterns much more precisely using the Wildolo app). I’m not the biggest fan of internal vibration anyway, but if you are, I think you’d probably prefer a toy with a rumblier/lower-pitched motor than this one.
Final thoughts
Call me a basic bitch if you must, but I like cock – and the Wildolo Nut & Bolt No.1 is a well-made, realistic silicone cock that stimulates my internal erogenous zones with aplomb, and leaves me dizzily breathless in a puddle of my own squirt. Is it perfect? No. But real cocks aren’t, either, and I can still come all over them.
On a personal note, this was the last review I had to get done before moving from Toronto to New York. (As I write this, I am surrounded by packed boxes and other detritus.) Initially I was annoyed with myself for procrastinating such that I needed to pause in the middle of packing to give this toy one final test and then write my review. But time and time again, I found myself feeling grateful that it was this toy, and not some shitty, annoying disappointment. This dildo actually felt worth fucking, even during such a chaotic week – and it even relieved some of my stress. Shout-out to Wildolo – I’m gonna go pack this toy, because it’s coming with me to New York for sure.
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write an honest and fair review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
