Review: BeYourLover Fatima multi-functional detachable toy

Please forgive me for all the dust/lint in these photos, I didn’t feel like spending a springtime afternoon hunched over Photoshop 😂

I’ve never seen a toy like the BeYourLover Fatima before. And I’ve been in this business for 13 years (as of last week, in fact!), so that’s really saying something.

In fact, this toy breaks the mold so completely that I need to change up my usual review format, too. This is a multi-functional, detachable toy – it’s practically the Swiss army knife of sex toys! – so I’m going to write about each component of the toy individually, and then about how they all come together in a synergistic symphony. Let’s dive in…

 

One toy, two parts

Picture, if you will, a standard rabbit vibrator – except that the clitoral arm can be detached from the internal arm, so that each component can be used separately if you so desire. That’s the BeYourLover Fatima.

In this case, the clitoral portion of the toy uses pressure-wave technology (à la Womanizer/Satisfyer/Rose toys) rather than vibration. The internal/vaginal part of the toy (which is not anal-safe, FYI) vibrates and also thrusts. (That’s just an overview; more details to come in the sections below.)

Pros of the toy being made up of two detachable parts:

  • When you’re in the mood to, you can use either part of the toy on its own without needing to involve the other one. This is great if, for instance, you like to warm up with some clit stimulation before jumping straight to penetration.
  • That being said, although you can use the toy’s components separately, they are wirelessly connected to one another via Bluetooth, so the clitoral arm can essentially act as a remote control for the internal arm, which makes the toy overall easier to use.
  • Unlike most other dual-stimulation vibrators, this one will fit just about every vulva, regardless of the distance between clit and vaginal opening, because you can always detach the halves from each other.

Cons:

  • The way that the toy’s two parts can be ‘attached’ isn’t particularly secure; I don’t think there’s a magnet or anything else holding it in place, you just kinda jam the clitoral arm into its appointed hole as far as it’ll go and then hope it’ll stay. As you’d expect, it therefore dislodges a fair bit during use, especially when using the toy’s thrusting function – so I mostly ended up holding the clitoral portion in one hand, detached totally from the vaginal arm, which stayed inside me.
  • Naturally, when you’re holding the clitoral arm of the toy in one hand, you lose the ability to use the toy (as a whole) hands-free or one-handed, which sorta defeats the purpose of using a dual-stim toy in the first place.
  • Somewhat egregiously, you have to recharge each part of the toy on its own, as if they were two separate toys. I wish both could be charged at the same time while attached to one another instead.
  • When you turn off one component of the toy, the other component turns off too. You can turn it right back on again if you want to use it on its own, but it’s annoying that this happens at all.

Clit-warming technology

Quick-press the button featuring a thermometer icon on the toy’s clitoral arm and you’ll activate its self-heating function. Supposedly this heats up both the clitoral part and the internal part of the BeYourLover Fatima, although that wasn’t my experience.

Pros:

  • The clitoral heating function works quickly and pretty damn well. It never got too hot for my comfort (supposedly it reaches about 42° Celsius), but felt warm enough to pair well with oral sex fantasies. It was a relaxing sensation, too, like my clit was at a spa!
  • The heating button flashes to let you know when the function is activated, and you can turn it off whenever you reach your desired heat level.

Cons:

  • I wasn’t able to get the vaginal arm to heat up, although it’s supposed to. Only the clitoral heating function worked for me.
  • There doesn’t seem to be an auto-shutoff for the heating function, so theoretically it could overheat if you leave it on for too long, although I didn’t experience that in my testing.

 

Thrusting is a must

The internal arm of the BeYourLover Fatima has a self-thrusting function. It’s only the tip of the toy (2 inches or so) that actually thrusts. There are 2 steady thrusting functions, followed by 5 patterns which are more irregular.

Pros:

  • This thrusting function is unusually quiet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely still audible, but it’s not gratingly loud and mechanical-sounding like many other thrusters.
  • The thrusting feels good and adds to my pleasure, albeit not quite as intensely as I was hoping, for reasons I’ll describe below.

Cons:

  • Two steady speeds is really not enough, especially since the first one is already quite fast. My kingdom for even just one slower speed, so I don’t feel like I’m starting a session with jackhammer-esque speedy pounding. (I’d get back on Tinder if that’s what I wanted!) After the two speeds is a handful of patterns, most of which have too much space between thrusts to be useful as anything more than a frustrating tease.
  • If you try to control the thrusting via the button on the vaginal arm (rather than via the button on the clitoral arm), you have to double-click it every time you want to turn the thrusting function on or change to a different thrusting mode. I kept accidentally either single-clicking it (which engaged vibration instead) or long-pressing it (which turns the entire toy off).
  • I thought this toy was gonna hit my A-spot, but I think its shape and length aren’t quite right for that; it always feels like it’s almost hitting the spot but not quite. Your mileage may vary, since your vag may vary!
  • As with many self-thrusting toys, this one tends to slip out of your vag gradually over time, so you gotta either hold it in place by hand or anchor it there with a pillow or similar between your legs.

…Oh yeah, and it vibrates

The internal arm, that is. I don’t really care about vaginal vibration that much – my internal erogenous zones prefer motion and pressure over vibration – but some people dig it.

Pros:

  • There are 3 steady speeds, which is better than 2. That’s probably the most generous thing I could say here. (There’s also 5 vibration patterns, and as established, I don’t tend to like patterns much.)

Cons:

  • My biggest problem with the BeYourLover Fatima as a whole: If you want to use the thrusting function and the clit-stimulating function at the same time, then you will be forced to also use the vibrating function. There is no way to turn it off, so far as I can tell, without also turning off one or both of the other functions. This is battery-inefficient for those of us who’d rather just feel the thrusting + clit stim, and is particularly frustrating because of my next point:
  • These buzzyish vibrations drown out the subtleties of most other sensations, including the Fatima’s thrusting and especially its delicate pressure-wave clit stim. When I turn up the intensity of the clit portion in hopes of being able to feel it, it turns up the internal vibration too, drowning out the clit stim even more. This is ultimately why the Fatima can’t get me off.
  • The button that controls the toy’s vaginal arm is placed on the very tip of its handle, so I frequently bump it by accident when trying to push the toy deeper, resulting in an unexpected setting change, or sometimes in the toy shutting off altogether. Needless to say, this is irritating and distracting.

 

This thing sucks… your clit

As mentioned, the detachable clitoral arm of the BeYourLover Fatima uses pressure-wave technology, stimulating your clit with rhythmic air-waves. It has 7 modes.

Pros:

  • These pressure waves feel really good! They have a low-pitched ‘rumbliness’ to them that I find much more satisfying than many other air-pulse toys at this price point, which stimulates my clitoral network in super enjoyable ways.
  • The ‘mouth’ of the toy is well-shaped and well-sized, for my clit at least, with a diameter of about 1″. It creates a soft, comfortable seal around my clit when properly lubed, and stimulates more of the clitoral shaft rather than just the tip.
  • All 7 of this clit stimulator’s settings are steady speeds – no patterns to be found here. Hurrah! The gradation from speed to speed is gentle, not jarring.
  • The buttons on the clit stimulator also control the toy’s vaginal arm, if it’s turned on. This is a much easier and more convenient way of cycling through thrusting speeds or vibration speeds without having to move your hand. The buttons are also easy to locate by feel.
  • I like the ergonomic S-shape of this clit stimulator; it’s easy to hold onto and move around as needed. It’s sort of like a sperm-shaped little Satisfyer Penguin.

Cons:

  • Whenever I tried to use the Fatima with its two parts attached to each other, it didn’t maintain suction on my clit very well, because the thrusting action often caused the seal to dislodge. This is a pretty crucial flaw in the toy’s execution. As stated, I tended to use the two components detached from one another instead, for this reason among others.

More than the sum of its parts?

Man, I love when sex toy companies take a big swing, innovation-wise. I’ve never seen another sex toy company attempt anything quite like what BeYourLover has done with the Fatima. But did their gamble pay off?

Overall pros:

  • It is genuinely cool to have a toy that does so many things, and even does some of them well! With all the different configurations in which you could use this toy, it’s like having a few different toys in your arsenal for the price of one. That price, by the way, is currently $69.99, which I think is fair for what you get: a self-heating pressure-wave clit stimulator that acts as a remote control for a vibrating vaginal thruster.
  • The clitoral stimulation the Fatima offers is delightfully rumbly and pleasurable, with a nice variety of 7 speeds to choose from.
  • Being able to use one toy as a remote control for the other is really clever, and makes it so that using this toy feels like an integrated experience even when the parts are detached from one another.
  • It’s IPX7 waterproof! Yay!

Overall cons:

  • The toy’s vibration, which cannot be disengaged while other functions are engaged, drowns out a lot of the pleasure that those functions could otherwise provide. As a result, I was only able to get off with the Fatima if I either used the clit stimulator by itself (so I could actually feel it), or used the thrusting function by itself while using a different vibe on my clit.
  • It makes sense that this toy has a battery life of only about an hour, given its numerous power-hungry functions – but that’s aggravatingly short nonetheless, and one wonders if the toy would have a better battery life if its vibration function was separable from its other functions. It’s also annoying and inconvenient that each component of the toy has to be recharged separately.
  • The way the toy’s two components attach just isn’t secure enough, which results in mishaps like the clit stimulator losing suction or falling off altogether.

The Fatima is a thrillingly unique toy, and I’m sure it’ll make some folks very happy. But as for me, it mostly made me happy insofar as it’s a fascinatingly inventive design that could be an indicator of where sex toy technology is headed. 👀

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Come See Me Do Musical Improv In-Person In Toronto!

“What is musical improv, exactly?”

A number of friends have asked me this question over the past few months, as I’ve worked my way through the beginner and advanced musical improv classes at Comedy Bar here in Toronto.

I’m always glad they asked, because I’ve been obsessed with this art form for years, even before I gathered the guts to get involved in it myself. I could yap about it for hours.

our ask-for was “a room in the house”

the suggestion we got was “mud room”

I was given the song title “It’s Too Mud-Roomy”

I sang a soulful solo about divorce and muddy boots 😂

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— Kate Sloan (she/her) (@katesloan.com) April 4, 2025 at 11:43 AM

When they ask about it, I explain to them that this type of musical improv (as opposed to, say, instrumental jazz improv) involves singing songs you make up on the spot, with the help of a musical director who’s playing the piano. Often it’s shortform games you might’ve seen on old episodes of Whose Line Is It Anyway, like Hoedown or Irish Drinking Song, in which you make up lyrics as a group to a pre-existing melody.

But other times, we make up the lyrics and the melody simultaneously, and – to quote the musical improvisor Zach Reino – “if that sounds terrifying… thank you!”

It is terrifying, but that’s part of why I love it. You’re surfing the razor’s edge of adrenaline at all times, always trying to land that next line, that next rhyme. And because improv is based on the momentary impulses of our strange brains, sometimes it goes to some zany places.

yay, I can upload longer videos here now, so I can share this:

my solo song from my musical improv show earlier this week!

the suggestion I got was “THE VERY LAST PIZZA”

this show was completely wild for me because I wasn’t nervous at all, which I’m pretty sure has never happened to me in my LIFE

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— Kate Sloan (she/her) (@katesloan.com) March 12, 2025 at 11:03 AM

All this to say, darlings, that this semester I’ve been bumped up to the ‘pro’ musical improv class, and we’re doing a bunch of shows!! And you’re invited, assuming you’re in/near Toronto or can get here!

My class and I will be performing in 8 weekly shows at Comedy Bar’s Danforth location. You can buy tickets at this link for whichever performance(s) you’d like to attend. I’m gonna be in these ones:

  • Sunday, April 27th at 7:30 p.m.
  • Sunday, May 4th at 7:30 p.m.
  • Sunday, May 11th at 7:30 p.m.
  • Sunday, May 18th at 7:30 p.m.
  • Sunday, May 25th at 7:30 p.m.
  • Sunday, June 1st at 7:30 p.m.
  • Sunday, June 8th at 7:30 p.m.
  • Sunday, June 15th at 7:30 p.m.

Incidentally, each of these shows ends with a musical ‘improv jam’ where you can (optionally!) put your name in a hat and get called up to do impromptu improv with a bunch of other cool comedy nerds, myself likely included (depending on post-show energy levels). So if you enjoy the show and it gets you curious about trying musical improv yourself, you can give it a shot immediately, with supportive folks – including (I think) our ultra-talented musical director Jacob Ollivier on the keys!

if I may tempt you further, here is a brief clip from my last musical improv show, of me improvising a blues verse about spaceships & Jeff Bezos 🚀

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— Kate Sloan (she/her) (@katesloan.com) March 4, 2025 at 5:31 PM

It’s so exciting to be doing so much improv performance again; prior to this latest stint, I hadn’t really done improv since high school (which was 14 years ago!!), and getting back into it has reminded me that laughter and joy are more important now than ever… and that when you force yourself to do fun-scary things, it gets easier to do hard-scary things, too.

Hope to see you at Comedy Bar for some unhinged, off-the-cuff musical fun 😘

Behind the Seams: What Does a Queer Femme Wear to Improv Classes & Shows?

Over the past 5 months or so, I’ve been getting back into improv, for the first time since high school. (I’m 32, so high school was a while ago now!)

Yep – after literal years of saying I wanted to do so, I’m taking improv classes again. Specifically, musical improv. Making up songs, live on stage, in front of people. Yes, it is as terrifying as it sounds!! And yet it also feels like exactly what I need right now: a place where I go every week to have fun, try stuff out, play. (And it sure helps that my teachers and fellow classmates have been incredible, too.)

I knew I found the improv part intimidating, but until my first day of class, I didn’t realize quite how intimidating a task it was to get dressed for improv. A lot of my super-weirdo queer-femme wardrobe just isn’t suitable for it at all, for reasons I’ll get into this post, as I tell you my 4 rules for improv-wear, which I’ve learned from coaches, teachers, and plain ol’ experience over the years.

For example, the image above is a good demonstration of Rule #1: Solid colors are best.

Have you ever been to a show where one of the performers was wearing an undeniably distinctive shirt – maybe it featured a band’s name, a rude slogan, or a cartoon animal – and you found yourself unable to fully focus on anything else, because the shirt was so distracting? Yeah, that’s really not ideal for improv. You want the audience focused on what you’re saying (or singing!), not what you’re wearing. Even your fellow improvisors can get distracted by what you’re wearing, and it can influence the scenes you end up doing – so to avoid all that, I try to wear clothes with no visible logos/slogans or wild patterns. Just basic solid colors. (Even if they happen to be hot pink.)

What I’m wearing:

• Pink knit hat – Only
• Blue cashmere cardigan – Gap
• Pink modal tank top – Old Navy
• Jeans – Everlane (they will appear again in this post, because, as mentioned, I am a femme and don’t own very many pairs of pants, period 😂)
• Pink leather Doc Martens
• Little pink leather bag – Coach (gift from my wife)


I took this latest round of classes during a bitterly cold Canadian winter, so I became extra aware of the importance of Rule #2: Dress comfortably.

In improv, you’re making split-second decisions based on the most fleeting of impulses. Losing your train of thought mid-sentence (or mid-song) makes you look bad, makes your scene partners look bad, and makes the audience doubt you as a performer – so you gotta wear clothes that aren’t going to distract you in any way.

That means: Nothing itchy, nothing too restrictive, no dangly earrings, nothing where straps might fall down or buttons might burst open, nothing that you think you look bad in… and nothing that fucks with your body temperature to a distracting degree. In my case, we were practicing and performing in spaces that were kept pretty cold – so I wore a sweater and a beanie to class practically every single week, because it sucks to try to sing when your teeth are chattering!

What I’m wearing:

• Green knit beanie – Only
• Blue cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Jeans – Everlane
• Black leather Doc Martens


Here’s what I wore to my showcase show for the beginner musical improv class, back in December. I was so nervous I thought I might collapse on stage!! (I didn’t.) But you know what I wasn’t nervous about? Slipping and falling. And that’s because I followed Rule #3: Wear footwear you can be agile in.

Don’t get me wrong; there are femme improvisors out there who perform in heels. I’ve seen some of them do it, and I admire the fuck out of their otherworldly tenacity. But for the rest of us mere mortals, if we’re gonna be scramblin’ around the stage, we need to wear shoes made for scramblin’.

You’ll notice, for instance, that in all of these photos, I am wearing either Doc Martens or Converse sneakers. They have grippy bottoms (ooh, great name for a gay bar if you need one!) so I know I won’t slide around on stage. They’re also comfortable enough that I can stand in them for at least a couple of hours without my feet hurting too badly.

What I’m wearing:

• White T-shirt – gift
• Black dress – from when I dressed as Bettie Page for Halloween a few years ago
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather Converse Chuck Taylor sneakers
• Apple Watch w/ Hermès band


These pictures are more recent and are from my latest showcase, with the advanced class. (I sang about murderous mountains and the very last pizza, among other things.) The smiley one was taken on stage, right before my first-ever solo musically improvised song. I wasn’t even nervous! Wild stuff! Improv classes are magic!

As I got dressed for this show, I thought about a time when my high school improv coach told us we weren’t allowed to wear skirts or dresses. One of the other queer femmes on the team (there were a lot of us) piped up: “Why not?” Our coach shook his head slowly and said, “I’ve seen some shit.”

No doubt he had. Improv can take you to some weird places, and I’ve definitely seen the occasional errant buttcrack or panty-flash in certain physically active scenes, which is why I believe staunchly in Rule #4: Protect against wardrobe malfunctions.

This is a sex-positive blog, so let me be clear that I have no issue with nudity, or with bodies themselves – if you’re doing an improv set at a swingers’ club or on a nude beach, by all means, wear clothing that will spill off of you at the slightest provocation, or none at all! But most improvisors will want to avoid these sorts of slippages; they are potentially embarrassing, could make the audience feel weird, and are (at the very least) distracting as hell for audience and performers alike. It’s for this reason that I never wear just a dress or skirt to an improv class or show – in this case I wore leggings and a long-sleeved shirt under my dress, and in the summertime I might instead wear a plain bralette and some bike shorts underneath. I really don’t want to be thinking about my tits when I’m improvising, thanks.

What I’m wearing:

• Black long-sleeved shirt – gift from my mama
• Blue floral-print wrap dress – Tommy Bahama; gift from my spouse (originally purchased to wear to her birthday party last December)
• Black leggings – American Eagle
• Black leather Doc Martens
• Yellow bag – Kate Spade


Any other improv people wanna weigh in on femme-improvisor attire in the comments? I’m considering getting a pair of denim overalls next…

How I Fell in Love With Cock & Ball Torture 😈 💜

Helen: You can’t possibly know how you’ll respond to something until you try it.

Jessica: I happen to disagree. I happen to think, if you know yourself well, you can gauge how you’re going to react to something…

Helen: You know how you’ll react to everything?

Jessica: Pretty much, yes.

[Helen suddenly kisses her; Jessica falls silent, shocked]

Helen: I guess you’re right. You seem to know yourself pretty well.

This dialogue from the movie Kissing Jessica Stein sums up exactly why it took me so long to realize I liked doing cock & ball torture (a.k.a. CBT, not to be confused with cognitive-behavioral therapy). I thought I knew myself well enough to already know, more-or-less, which kinks could appeal to me and which simply couldn’t. But I was wrong about that.

 

My first CBT experience

My first few penis’ed partners had no interest in genital torture – and to be fair, neither did I – so it wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I encountered someone who wanted me to hurt his dick.

He brought it up during a late-night handjob. We hadn’t been dating for very long, and I was still trying to get a grasp on what worked for him, so to speak. I hadn’t been able to make him come yet, despite ample effort and interest; I had only occasionally laid beside him in bed while he got himself off instead.

Tonight I’d wanted to give it another go, but his dick still seemed unimpressed. So I floundered, technique-wise, trying anything I could think of, until… he put his hand on mine, to pause my stroking, and said, simply: “Pinch the skin as hard as you can.”

I remember thinking: As HARD as I CAN?! Are you SURE?!

But lo and behold, when I picked a spot on his shaft and followed his instruction, within seconds he was coming all over my hands.

That relationship didn’t last long, for a whole host of reasons (some sexual, some less so), but it taught me some important lessons that I would take with me into the rest of my sex & dating life – including that dick pain could be a turn-on for some people, and that apparently I was one of those people.

 

Why I like CBT now

It’s been nearly a decade since that initial pinchy handjob that kicked everything off, and I’ve done a fair bit more CBT since then. I’m certainly no pro, like the ballbusting experts you’ll see on clip sites and at certain fetish parties (you know who you are!), but I do it semi-regularly and with relish. Here are a few reasons I like topping for CBT…

• Hurting people who want to be hurt is hot! I wouldn’t enjoy slapping someone’s dick around unless they really, really wanted me to, because masochists’ desire for pain and positive responses to pain are what make the interaction sexy to me, for the most part. Someone begging you to hurt them, if you’re both into that, can be as hot as someone begging you to fuck them, and for the same reasons: it means they want you and they trust you. That’s high praise!

• Penises are culturally weighty. Slapping someone’s cock is really different from slapping, say, their ass or their face. Not only does it feel very physically different because of the different concentrations of nerve endings involved; it also feels pretty different psychologically for both the top and the bottom. People’s feelings about their own genitals may relate to their understandings of gender, power, desirability/attractiveness, and more, and all of that may come up during CBT play (which is part of why pre-negotiation and aftercare are so important!). Likewise, I know my own feelings about CBT as a top are influenced by cultural baggage I’ve absorbed about dicks; over the course of my life, I have felt afraid of them, fascinated by them, desirous of them, and often some combination thereof, so it’s an interesting experience psychologically to inflict consensual pain on one.

• New routes to pleasure/orgasm are cool! Few things are sexier to me than seeing someone being overwhelmed by pleasure, especially unexpectedly intense pleasure – and even though I’ve made my partner come many times by slapping their cock at this point, I still find it astonishing every single time. Aside from that one experience with a previous partner that I described above, neither my spouse nor I had played with this kink to this extent before, so it feels intimate and sweet that we’ve found this new-to-us way to share pleasure through pain.

 

How about you, dear reader? Are you a CBT aficionado, or is it a bridge too far for your delicate, uh, sensibilities? 😉

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Valm 8-inch realistic dual-density dildo

This might be the perfect realistic dildo.

So perfect, in fact, that I was FURIOUS when someone in my building STOLE THE PACKAGE containing my custom-made dong, before I was able to retrieve it from outside my door.

And so perfect, indeed, that when Valm sweetly offered to just mail me another one, I was so delighted that all my anger at the anonymous dildo thief dissipated in the wind. I hope they’re enjoying my dildo, wherever they are. I know I am.

That gradient tho

Customization options

In terms of shape and size, Valm’s dildo options are simple and straightforward: there’s a 6-inch version, an 8-inch one (which is the one I chose to review, because my vagina is Goldilocks, apparently), a 10-inch and a 12-inch. Size queens/kings/monarchs, take note!

Each size option is available in 3 different silicone formulations: single-density, dual-density, and triple-density. Multi-density silicone is often used to make dildos feel more realistic – it means that the toy has a firm silicone core, with one or two layers of softer silicone on top. This creates a more lifelike penis-esque feeling, and also allows a dildo to be firm enough to stroke internal erogenous zones while also being squishy enough to be super comfortable.

The more silicone densities a dildo has, the more realistic it tends to feel – but more densities also means a higher price, so keep that in mind when making a decision. For instance, the dildo I’m reviewing is dual-density and costs $161, while the single-density and triple-density versions of the same size cost $117 and $191, respectively.

Most glorious of all is the color options. You can get Valm toys in a couple of different skin tones or various bright colors. They’re also able to do custom gradients. I thought long and hard (dick joke barely intended) about what I wanted, and eventually settled on a gradient: the dildo is neon orange fading into hot pink toward the base of the shaft. Words and photos cannot do justice to how eye-gougingly bright it is IRL. It is technicolor. It is camp. It is 1960s (like this Gala Darling outfit). I love it so much.

Things I like about this dildo

  • The colors. Have I mentioned the colors?! This thing is soooo bright!
  • The dual-density silicone does indeed feel really real. The head is especially squishy, which allows it to nudge up into my A-spot easily without bothering my cervix (unless I’m especially zealous). It’s firmer through the shaft, which is ideal, IMO, but still soft enough to give me that satisfying stress-ball-squish feeling when I come around it.
  • The size is great for me. While the dildo is 8” in total, its insertable length is 7.25”, so it can reach my A-spot with ease. The diameter is 1.65”, which manages to feel both pleasantly filling and ultra-comfortable for me (when I’m turned on enough, of course).
  • The coronal ridge, while not as pronounced as those I’ve seen on some other dildos, juts out enough that it feels amazing each time it strokes over my A-spot. Once I get this dildo nestled as deep as I want it, I barely have to move it in and out at all to get some pretty intense A-spot stimulation.
  • With its balls and suction cup base, this dildo is anal-safe, strap-on compatible, and can be stuck to hard flat surfaces for hands-free use (like shower walls, kitchen floors, or glass coffee tables – hey, you do you). The chunky base works well as a handle when thrusting, even on days when my hands are sore.
  • The surface of the silicone is unusually glide-y (as opposed to draggy) when well-lubricated, so I can thrust it fast and hard without encountering much resistance – which some people might not like, if they enjoy a lot of friction against their vaginal or anal walls, but I like it because it means my hands and arms don’t get sore from thrusting this dildo.

Things I don’t like about this dildo

  • Its shaft is quite straight, so if you’re looking for a G-spot-focused dildo, look elsewhere. As mentioned, I love this toy for A-spot stim, but that’s not everyone’s jam, and that’s fine.
  • The hyper-realistic ridges and folds around the head of the dildo, which are meant to look like (and indeed do look like) the corresponding features on a human penis, are pronounced enough on this toy that they can be mildly annoying to clean. Get in there with an old toothbrush or a washcloth and you should be fine.
  • The price points of these dildos are somewhat high compared to other dual-density options I’ve seen, but they are made in the USA, which I’m sure is part of the reason for that and which may justify the cost for some buyers.

Final thoughts

To me, the Valm dual-density 8-inch is the Platonic ideal of a realistic dildo. Gorgeous colors. Pleasurable shape. Not too big, not too small, but just right (for me, anyway!). Firm where it needs to be, and squishy where it needs to be. Versatile, chameleonic, a cock-of-all-trades.

Wherever my first one ended up, I hope its thief sees its simple brilliance and beauty as clearly as I do.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.