Here’s An Idea: Ethical Fetishism + Shoe Sugar Daddies

Kate Sloan

Last week I found myself madly lusting over a pair of shoes. They were gorgeous and I NEEDED them – but they were $275. And as a full-time student and part-time blogger, that ain’t a doable price for me. (I ended up buying a similar pair at a way lower price point – that’s me modeling them above!)

I spent some time complaining on Twitter about this problem, and then my mind wandered to all the fetishists who’ve left me lascivious comments on my clothes, shoes, and hosiery over the years. You might remember from my post on how to be a non-douchey fetishist that I’ve been posting outfit photos online for 8+ years and attract a lot of creeps through that venue. These people are getting off on my pictures – so shouldn’t I be getting some kind of compensation for that “service” I’m (nonconsensually) providing?

Okay, hear me out. My idea is this: an online social platform where you can sign up in one of two categories, fetishist or fashionista. (The names could use some workshopping; ideally they’d both be gender-neutral.) The fashionistas build profiles full of as much or as little personal information as they’d like to share and a gallery of photos that are as sexy or sexless as they feel comfortable being. They attach a wishlist to their profile, filled with clothes, shoes, and other cute things they have their eye on. And if a fetishist takes an interest in a particular fashion fan, he can buy her something from her wishlist. (I’m using those pronouns for clarity’s sake; obviously there are fetishists and fashion fans of all genders.)

The wishlist would hide her address, of course; no one wants to put themselves at risk for being stalked. And when the item of choice arrived, she could try it on, pose for pictures or video, and post them publicly or privately for the fetishist who supplied the money.

There could be a way for fetishists and fashionistas to negotiate the terms of the agreement in advance – e.g. “If I buy you these shoes, you’ll model them in tights, in knee-high socks, and barefoot.” There could be an eBay-esque feedback system to avoid scammers and creeps.

I know that systems like this exist already, but in my experience, they’re usually hypersexual and mostly frequented by camgirls and their patrons. While there’s obviously nothing wrong with sex workers (you go, gals and guys!), not all of us feel comfortable being super sexy online. My half-baked dream for this social network conceptualizes it as a space that is as sexy or unsexy as individual users want it to be, so that everyone feels comfortable and safe.

I just think that there are better ways to manage the relationships between fetishists and the subjects of their affection than the way that those relationships usually go right now. The subjects often (in my experience) feel victimized, grossed out, and used. I know that for myself, when I receive a message from a fetishist telling me he loves me in sheer hose or he wants me to wear heels for him, I feel squicked out but I also always send him a link to my Amazon wishlist, because dammit, if I’m going to fulfill someone’s fetish, he’s going to be the one to foot the bill for it, not me. Of course, I’ve never actually had a fetishist buy me anything, because the ones I encounter all seem to be cheapskates who expect me to be their masturbation fodder at no charge, but… I’m sure there are shoe sugar daddies out there somewhere, right?

I don’t have the know-how to build a website or get it off the ground, but if anyone ever takes this idea and runs with it, just know that I would promote the shit out of it, happily beta-test it, and send the link to every fetishist who’s ever given me “helpful suggestions” for what to wear!

Review: Tantus Plunge

Kate Sloan

Sometimes when I get together with friends, someone will ask me, “What reviews are you working on right now?” I usually try to talk about whichever toy on my current docket is the most interesting or strange, since there’s not much conversational potential in a response like, “Oh, you know, a standard silicone dildo.”

Well, for months, my go-to toy to discuss when faced with this question was the Tantus Plunge, because – as I’ve learned from these conversations – people are always either weirded out or titillated by the idea of a paddle that’s also a dildo.

Most common responses: “How does that work?” and “Who would want that?” Usually these questions were followed by some reflection and maybe a theory or two: “I guess if you’re spanking someone and suddenly want to fuck them instead…” “Well, it’s two toys in one, so it’s a good value, I guess.”

These theories have their merits, and the toy isn’t bad, but I still think it was a strange idea and one that doesn’t work so well in practice either.

The Plunge (the name of which, by the way, awkwardly makes me think of clogged toilets) is made of Tantus’ beautiful matte black silicone. It’s a material that works perfectly for paddles because it makes the handle appropriately grippy and gives the silicone a sexy leather-meets-rubber feeling – but it’s not ideal for dildos, at least not for me. I prefer a glossier silicone that won’t eat so much lube so quickly. Glossy silicone is also better for situations where you don’t have lube, or don’t want to use it.

My overall feeling about the Plunge is that it makes a great paddle but its functionality as a dildo is limited. I’ll tell you why…

Embedded in the handle of the Plunge is a hole that goes in one side and out the other. This is to enable you to hang the paddle up, but it’s a bad feature to include in a handle that doubles as a dildo. Cleaning vag junk out of that hole is a bitch.

The dildo/handle end of the Plunge is only 1.25” in diameter. That’s a fair girth for people with tight orifices, but anyone on the average-to-size-queen side of the spectrum will be sorely disappointed by this dimension.

It’s really hard to hold onto the toy while fucking yourself, or someone else, with the dildo end. You have to grip the whole wide paddle side in your hand, and it starts to dig into the flesh of your hand after a while. There are various other ways to hold it but all are tiresome. A dildo’s handle should be ergonomic and intuitive so you can put all your energy into the fucking; this one’s isn’t at all.

The dildo itself has a nice curve that strokes my G-spot enjoyably, but because it’s so slim, and because the terrible “handle” (paddle end) makes it difficult to get a comfortable rhythm going, the dildo just doesn’t deliver. If I want a small G-spot dildo, I’ll reach for something that’s easier to thrust with, every time.

As a paddle, though, the Plunge performs spectacularly. Tantus’ paddles are always top-notch. This one is a good mix of stingy and thuddy, and the curved handle makes it easy and comfortable to hold onto during spanking.

But if you want a Tantus paddle, I’m going to have to recommend the Wham Bam or Pelt instead, because the Plunge is just too impractical to be worth the extra money. How are you supposed to spank someone when the paddle’s handle is covered in lube? How are you supposed to fuck someone when you can’t get a comfortable grip on the end of the dildo? How are you supposed to switch between spanking and fucking in a way that isn’t awkward as hell? And (as a few of my friends asked me during the aforementioned conversations about the Plunge) what are you supposed to do if you want to fuck and spank someone at the same time?

My suggestion: get a good dildo and a good paddle and use them individually, of course. The Plunge was a clever idea in theory but the real-life manifestation is just too weird and ineffectual for me to recommend.

Thanks anyway, Tantus! You know I love ya, baby.

Harness Showdown: Aslan Jaguar vs. RodeoH Briefs

Kate Sloan

I have finally acquired the two harnesses of my dreams – two of the best harnesses you could ever hope to find, probably. And while I love them both more than words can say, I am a sex toy reviewer – which means I have to be objective and helpful. So, like a cruel mother, I have to pit my babies against each other and write an exhaustive comparison.

The two harnesses in question: the Aslan Leather Jaguar and the RodeoH brief. (Both are pictured above with the Tantus Acute.) Alright, let’s get this show on the road.

Material

The Jaguar is made of leather, and HOLY FUCKING FUCK, it is the sexiest leather I have ever encountered. I don’t have a leather fetish but this harness just might change my mind on this front. It has that powerful-but-not-overpowering leather smell, and it’s soft and broken-in already when you get it. The pliability of the leather makes it feel like a second skin when you’ve been wearing it for a while.

For vegans and other folks who might have issues with leather, the Jag also comes in a vegan version, often for a slightly higher price.

The RodeoH is made of a cotton-elastane blend, much like your favorite pair of underwear. It’s soft to the touch and feels well-constructed.

Sizing and Fit

The Jag comes in two sizes, small and large. “Small” fits hip sizes from 26 to 44 inches; “large” fits 36 to 56 inches. I went with the small size because my hips are currently around 41 inches and I’m in the process of losing weight, so the small will continue to fit me. The hip and butt straps on the Jag are all super adjustable so you should be able to get a good fit no matter what your dimensions are. I’ve heard of some people needing to punch extra holes in the straps or trim the ends of their straps for sizing reasons, but I don’t think the typical person will need to do that stuff if they buy according to their (accurate) hip measurement.

The RodeoH comes in 9 different sizes: 23-24", 25-26", 27-29", and so on, all the way up to 52-55". While each size seems to allow for only a small range of measurements, the material is actually very stretchy and accommodating; I probably got a size or two smaller than I should have, and my harness still fits nicely, albeit snugly. RodeoH recommends sizing down for more control during thrusting anyway.

If you’re very small and have a hip measurement between 23" and 26", the RodeoH is probably the better choice for you because the Jag won’t get small enough to fit you unless you make some alterations yourself.

Getting In and Out

Obviously it’s hard to beat the RodeoH in this category, since you just step into it and pull it up, like underwear. Same dealio when you take it off.

The Jag looks a bit more intimidating to put on, but actually, if you leave one side undone each time you finish using it, it only takes a few seconds to step into it and get it fastened up. Here’s a video of the founder of Aslan Leather demonstrating this technique (it’s SFW – he puts it on over his pants).

Comfort

I find both of these harnesses very comfortable, though I think the RodeoH wins in this category simply because, well, it’s basically a pair of underwear. Hard to get much comfier than that.

I can imagine that the Jag could get a little hard to deal with if you were wearing it under pants for hours at a time, or if you had to sit on a hard chair for a while, because of the metal D-rings in the ass region.

I also have more slippage with the Jag – the butt straps sometimes give me a wedgie, possibly because of my sizeable booty. I don’t have this issue with the RodeoH because, of course, it doesn’t have straps.

Dildos and O-Rings

Neither my Jag nor my RodeoH came with extra O-rings. That makes sense for the RodeoH, because you can’t switch out the 1.5" O-ring it comes with; it’s sewn right into the harness, and has a little bit of stretch to allow for larger dildos. But you can swap out the O-ring on the Jag, so I was surprised that it didn’t come with any additional rings.

The O-ring that comes with the Jag has a 2" diameter, which is pretty big. I have some smaller rings that came with my Tantus Bend Over Beginner kit, so I put one of those in. Replacing the O-ring is easy: you just have to undo the 3 snaps surrounding the ring area, take out the old one, put in the new one, and do up the snaps again.

The unchangeable O-ring on the RodeoH makes it an unwise choice if you plan on using dildos significantly smaller than 1.5" in diameter. I find that dildos in the 1.25"-or-smaller range flop around a little in the RodeoH, while I can get them to stand at attention better in my Jag if I use an appropriately-sized O-ring. And of course, the fixed size of the RodeoH’s ring also means that it can’t accommodate dildos much larger than its ring’s diameter.

Both harnesses work best with flat-based dildos that don’t have balls, though I imagine you could get a testicled dildo into the Jag with a wide enough O-ring and some gentle jimmying.

Fucking/Thrusting

Full disclosure: I don’t currently have a willing strap-on partner, so all the testing I did in this department was done in mid-air or in a faux vagina I made by cupping my hand. Sorry!

When my Jag is properly adjusted and tightened all the way around, it’s very stable. I do find I get some slippage in the back D-rings after a while, but that’s easily fixed by quickly tightening ‘em up.

The RodeoH is definitely less stable and there is more flopping around and less control, because of the lack of straps and tightenability (that’s not a word, I know, but I just coined it). As I said above, buying a size or two smaller can help a bit with this, but I think if you need a lot of stability, you’re gonna need an old-fashioned two-strap harness.

Pleasure for the Wearer

The Jag was designed specifically so that the dildo would rest on top of the clit during use, creating more pleasure for the wearer. And damn, it works. Mine doesn’t sit directly on my clit but maybe an inch above, which is actually where I prefer to be stimulated – on the upper shaft of my clit. Even just fucking my hand produces a lot of pleasure for me. I don’t know if I could reach orgasm that way, but it feels pretty awesome.

The dildo sits higher in my RodeoH, on my pubic mound, so there is some pleasure but not as much. However, the RodeoH has something the Jag doesn’t: a little pouch behind the dildo, where you can tuck a bullet vibe if you so desire. That makes up for the less-than-ideal dildo placement, if you ask me.

Should you want to use a double-ended dildo like the Feeldoe, the Jag is your man: there’s no fabric or leather between the dildo and your body, so you’re free to self-penetrate as much as you want. The RodeoH has some fabric behind the dildo so you can’t use double-ended dildos with it, and it’s hard (if not impossible) for the wearer to receive any genital stimulation while wearing it.

Sex Appeal

As a femme person, I definitely feel hotter in the Jag. The leather and styling strike me as classically sexy without being particularly gendered. The RodeoH, on the other hand, feels pretty boyish; I can imagine myself loving the look of it if I was doing some kind of boy/butch roleplay, but as my regular girly self, it doesn’t quite gel with my aesthetic and gender identity.

However, RodeoH has a lace panty style which is sexy as hell and very feminine. Options, yay!

Price

You can get the classic RodeoH brief for $45, or the boxer style or panty style for $49. As far as high-quality harnesses go, those are excellent prices.

The Jaguar is anywhere from $95 to $120 depending on where you get it from. The price was a pretty big deterrent to me, honestly, on my student budget. I only ended up buying the Jag because EcoSex was having a Canada Day sale and I was able to get it for $85 including shipping and tax. And even that felt pretty steep to me.

Other Considerations

Aslan Leather products have a lifetime guarantee, so if your harness breaks, they will repair or replace it for free.

My (cis male) boyfriend is able to comfortably wear the RodeoH and fuck me with dildos that way. His average-sized (about 6") penis doesn’t get squished by the harness even when he’s hard. Harnesses specifically for cis dudes do exist, but they’re pretty pricey as far as I’ve ever seen.

Aslan harnesses are handmade here in Canada, while RodeoH harnesses are made in China.

RodeoH harnesses can be worn as makeshift underwear if, say, it’s been too long since you’ve done your laundry. (Naughty!)

Conclusion

…Well, I don’t know if I have a conclusion. I don’t think either of these harnesses necessarily came out on top; it all just depends on what you’re looking for in a harness. I know that both will serve me well in my lifetime, even if I don’t have a strap-on partner at the moment.

Both of these harnesses are gorgeous, well-made, and get the job done. I’m so happy I own them.

What’s the harness of your dreams? Or, what’s your favorite harness you’ve ever tried?

Review: Pipedream Icicles no. 53

Kate Sloan

A dildo doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking or unique to be good. Sometimes it can just be a standard, get-‘er-done, regular old dildo that just gets it right. The Icicles #53 is one of those dildos: not fancy, just good.

I’ve tried toys from the Icicles line before, to varying degrees of success. #26 hurt my butt; #2 was satisfactory, but when I gave it away to a friend, she accidentally dropped it and it broke into two jagged pieces; #24 is legitimately unique and one of the prettier pieces in my collection; #6 was a fun adventure in texture. Overall the quality of the Icicles line is only so-so; I’ve seen other reviewers say that the color flaked off of theirs, for example. However, I think the line is a good, relatively low-cost option if you want to expand your collection of glass toys – just stick to designs that have minimal coloring and no thin/breakable-looking bits, and you should be alright.

I actually requested a different Icicles toy but got sent the #53 instead – which is fine, as I’m sometimes pleasantly surprised when I try the random things companies choose for me. This was one of those cases.

#53 is an all-glass dildo with 6.5” of insertable length and a diameter of 1.4”. It has the most subtle curve of any dildo I’ve ever seen – so subtle that I occasionally have to take the toy out of my vag, make sure the curve is oriented the way it’s supposed to be, and then re-insert it. The head of the toy is defined and penis-like, which I am totally into.

There’s a very subtle, pale pink corkscrew-like texture that covers the whole shaft of the toy below the head, but this pattern feels so meek in comparison to the bulging head that I can’t even feel it. If you like a lot of texture, look elsewhere (the aforementioned Icicles #6 is great for this).

The main reason I’ve been using the fuck out of this dildo recently is that it’s weirdly good at finding and stimulating my A-spot. The gentle curve and tapered head make this possible, along with the just-right length of the toy. It does absolutely nothing for my G-spot – the curve isn’t intense enough for that – but my anterior fornix is getting a whole lotta lovin’.

That said, if you’re not into A-spot stimulation and you’ve ever tried a glass toy before, I think you’d be really bored by this toy. Like I said, it’s nothing fancy. It’s a pretty standard glass dildo, at a size that’s slightly below average on the dildo spectrum. There are lots more interesting-looking toys in the Icicles line, and there are other companies doing cool things with glass too.

This lovely toy was provided to me courtesy of Pipedream. Thanks, babes!

Let’s Learn About the A-Spot!

Kate Sloan

I am always going on and on about the A-spot – and every time I mention it, I’m uncomfortably aware that there are people reading my blog who may not know what that spot is. I needed an informative link to be able to put into my posts so people won’t be confused. Which is why I’m writing this.

The A-spot – otherwise known as the anterior fornix, AFE zone, or deep spot – is an internal erogenous zone in the vagina. On either side of the cervix (that thing at the deepest part of the vagina that feels sort of like the tip of your nose and sometimes hurts when you touch it too firmly) is a fornix; there’s the posterior fornix behind the cervix, and the anterior fornix in front of the cervix. It’s the anterior (front) one that we’ll be talking about today, though some people also enjoy how the posterior (back) one feels when touched. As always, experiment and figure out what works best for you!

The A-spot was purportedly discovered by a guy named Dr. Chua Chee Ann. He noticed that stimulating this particular spot on the deepest part of the front vaginal wall would cause fast lubrication and sexual arousal. His stimulation method was a “scooping” motion with his fingers, similar to the “come hither” motion that so many folks recommend for G-spot stimulation.

So what is the difference between the G-spot and the A-spot? I see how you could get confused; they’re both located on the front wall of the vagina, only a few inches apart. If you have medium-to-long fingers, you can probably access the G-spot with your fingers inserted only halfway into the vagina – but you’ll likely have to stick them all the way in to reach the A-spot.

The sensations are also very different, at least for me. G-spot stimulation can feel slightly uncomfortable at first, like I need to pee or like I’ve got an itch inside my urethra – but if I push through, eventually that feeling will turn to pleasure. On the flipside, I find that A-spot stimulation is pleasurable right away. However, with both spots, adding clit stimulation to the mix improves the sensation significantly.

You might be wondering: what’s the best way to stimulate the A-spot? I find I can’t do it with my own fingers, because they’re too short and the angle isn’t right. My partner can reach the spot with his fingers but he has to reach reeeeally deep, which isn’t always comfortable for either of us. I’ve found that the best way to touch this spot is either with a penis or a specific kind of sex toy.

Penises are great for stroking the A-spot. As with the G-spot, you’ll want your penis or your partner’s penis to press up against the front vaginal wall, but go deep. I find that my A-spot loves small back-and-forth motions, as opposed to larger in-and-out thrusts, but as always, your results may vary. Keep the lines of communication open so you and your partner can figure out the best way to stroke the spot.

Toys with a small curve at the tip are best for accessing the A-spot. You want a toy that can curve into the fornix so it can be inserted deeply without bothering your cervix (which we’ll discuss in a moment). Some of my favorite A-spot toys are the Tantus Tsunami, Tantus Pack ‘n’ Play #1, and SSA Glass Royal Adventure. As long as it’s long enough to get to the very end of the vagina at maximum arousal (which, for me, is about 6") and has a slightly tapered and curved tip, it should do okay.

Here’s a harsh reality: the cervix can get in the way of your A-spot pleasure. The two are right next to each other, and the cervix can be a source of pain for some. That’s why it’s important to go slowly and gently when seeking out the spot. If you’re using a toy, start with one that’s soft and squishy, ideally silicone. Keep the toy/penis/fingers totally flush with the front wall of the vagina for a better chance of avoiding the cervix. And I highly recommend not trying A-spot play on someone who’s menstruating, because the cervix can be extra sensitive at that time. Once you’re a pro at this kind of stimulation, you may be able to pull it off, but until then, I’d avoid it.

While the A-spot might seem mysterious, I think it’s destined to become the Next Big Thing in popular discussions of female sexual response. More possibilities for pleasure is always a good thing!

What have your experiences been with the A-spot?