Adventures in Multiple Orgasms

Kate Sloan

I’m only in my early twenties but sometimes I feel like my sexual function is already going downhill.

When I first learned to masturbate to completion as a child, I usually had at least two orgasms per bathtime jerk-off session – sometimes as many as four. When I became sexually active at sixteen, my partner and I would have marathon sessions in which I’d have up to five orgasms, solely from oral and maybe a little finger penetration. These figures amaze me when I look back at them now, but I have journal entries and meticulously-kept orgasm charts to prove they’re true. (Uh, I was a weird kid.)

See, I’m a pretty mono-orgasmic person these days, meaning that I’m a one-and-done kind of gal. I can continue having sex after I get off, and I usually do, but I don’t want to come any more. It always just seems like too much work, both for me and for my partner.

Once in a while, my boyfriend will manage to coax me into going for a second orgasm. After getting me off orally, he’ll wander around the periphery of my vulva, letting it calm down a little – and then he’ll slowly meander back toward my clit. And with a lot of sweating, muscle-tensing, and heavy breathing from both of us, sometimes we can conjure an orgasm numero dos. After about 40 minutes. Maybe.

But this sucks. As a woman, I’ve internalized the idea that multiple orgasms are my birthright and set me apart from men (despite the fact that my boyfriend has actually been known to get off twice per session). So, in my desire to expand my capacity for pleasure and to feel more like a “normal” woman, I’ve been practicing my multiple orgasms. I’ve been bringing myself off and then pushing through my feelings of reluctance, exhaustion and satisfaction until I get to the second orgasm on the other side. And it’s working.

Incase you were wondering, here are some of my best tips on how one-and-done chicks can turn themselves into multi-orgasmic powerhouses:

1. Start soft and small; then, increase stimulation from there. If I use a Hitachi for my first orgasm, there’s little chance of me having a second one, because I’ll be numb by then. I like to start with as little stimulation as possible – maybe a small or medium dildo in my vag and just my fingers on my clit – and then increase the amount of stimulation with each subsequent orgasm, to ensure it’ll happen. I save jackhammer vibes and giant dildos for late in the game, when I need something extra to push me over the edge.

2. Increase mental stimulation too. I am not normally one to fantasize, nor do I watch porn or read erotica all that often. But if I’m going to attempt to have a zillion orgasms, my mind needs to be engaged along with my body, or it just won’t work. Lately I’m obsessed with explicit New Girl fanfiction, but whatever gets you hot is fine, obviously. It’s a whole lot easier for me to reach orgasm, even my third or fourth one, if I’m watching Dylan Ryan plough somebody or reading killer erotica or, uh, fantasizing about Nick Miller. (Whatever, man, don’t judge!)

3. Don’t dive right back into it. Ugh – nothing turns me off faster than trying to attack my clit when I’ve just had an orgasm. I’m all like, “Ow! Fuck! What?! No!” and then I feel like I never want to touch myself again. Refractory periods are a reality and it’s important to be aware of how long yours typically lasts. Mine is usually about a minute or two, so if I can keep my sexual energy up during that time without actually touching my clit, I’ll be golden.

4. Make sure you’re awake and alert. Orgasms make most people feel kind of sleepy; it’s all those yummy neurotransmitters coming out to play. And while that’s nice for insomniacs and post-sex cuddlers, it’s not the most convenient thing for those of us who want to keep going after we get off. So pick a time when you’re feeling well-rested and ready to face the day, not a time when one lousy orgasm could obviously lead you into dreamland.

Can you have multiple orgasms? Did you have to learn how to do it, or did it come naturally? Any words of wisdom for those of us trying to learn?

Review: Jimmyjane Form 4

Kate Sloan

I can’t even count the number of times that a toy ostensibly designed for penetration has ended up making friends with my clit. It’s not that I hate internal vibrations; I like ‘em when they’re rumbly. The problem is that most penetrative vibes seem to have been designed with no knowledge of how the vagina works at all.

The Jimmyjane Form 4 was sent to me by the lovely ladies at Sensual Intelligence, an eco-friendly, women-run, health-conscious retailer. (Y’all know I don’t normally make a hullaballoo about particular retailers, but a company with such great ethics is worth making an exception for, am I right?) While I do enjoy the Form 4 overall, it’s laughable that it’s been marketed as a penetrative vibe.

First off, it has no upward curve for accessing my G-spot, nor does it have the big, defined head that so many successful G-spot toys have. I can turn it around and use the larger end to penetrate myself, and indeed that feels better, but then the toy’s controls are inside my vagina – so it’s not really a workable solution.

The Form 4 is also too short to reach my anterior fornix unless I shove it all the way inside of me – which, once again, presents the problem of “How do I operate a toy whose controls are buried in my vag?”

As a clit vibe, the Form 4 does much better. Its motor is smartly located right in the tip of the toy where it ought to be, so my hand doesn’t get vibrated into numbness while I’m holding the vibe and my clit gets the brunt of the sensation. Its five speeds and three patterns are nicely varied. The vibrations are fairly buzzy, so I start to go numb if I use it for too long, but this can be remedied by using some of my usual techniques for dealing with overly buzzy vibes.

As for the vibration strength, it’s remarkable for a rechargeable, as per usual for Jimmyjane Form vibes. It’s in more-or-less the same range as the Lelo Siri and We-Vibe Tango, though it’s buzzier than both of them.

Like all the toys in the Form collection, the Form 4 charges by sitting upright in a dock. All the Form toys use the same dock, which is handy. This charging system feels futuristic and easy; I’m a fan.

The toy’s noise level is low-to-medium – it can be heard throughout the room it’s in, but not through a closed door. Annoyingly, it has a seam that wraps around its entire perimeter. The toy is waterproof, though being surrounded by bathwater dampens its vibrations somewhat.

Can you tell from this unimpassioned review that I feel pretty ambivalent about the Form 4? It works, it gets me off, it’s fine, but it doesn’t excite me. I don’t crave it; it’s not a go-to. When I want internal vibrations, I choose something rumbly instead, and when I want a clitoral orgasm, I grab something hella strong or wonderfully shaped or unusually stimulating. At $150 (depending on which retailer you get it from), the Form 4 seems overpriced for what it is: a dependable but ultimately boring clit vibe.

Sharing the Sexy #30

Kate Sloan

• Everything you ever wanted to know about foot fetishes.

• Dating tips for feminist men. There needs to be more resources like this!

• Here is a zine on learning good consent.

• This is also a really great consent resource, including sample scripts for consent-related conversations you might have with your partner(s).

• Why does spanking feel so good? (When I saw this, it made me wonder if Lelo is thinking of releasing a paddle… Think it could rival this one?)

• The Red Tent Sisters weigh in on how to ease into using menstrual cups for the first time.

• Lilly drops some truth bombs about sex toys and body size.

Sex Toy Reviewer FAQ

Kate Sloan

I’m a sex toy reviewer; duh. People are often curious about it. Here are some questions I’m frequently asked.

How did you get your start?

Like it says on my “about” page, after being interested in sexuality my whole life, I applied to a job at a sex shop. I didn’t get the job in the end, but in the process of applying, I did a lot of research to brush up on my sex toy knowledge – and somewhere during that Google tirade, I stumbled across some sex toy review blogs. Being a writer/journalist, I knew I could do what those bloggers were doing.

I started this blog and reviewed some toys I already owned. After I’d built up a small readership and backlog of posts, I started e-mailing sex toy companies to see if any of them would be willing to send me stuff to review. Sex Toys Canada and EdenFantasys were the first to say yes (though I’m not reviewing for either of them anymore). They started sending me stuff and the rest is history.

How can I become a sex toy reviewer?

Do what I did, as described above: start a blog, review some toys out of pocket, and then pitch yourself to companies.

Epiphora wrote a beginners’ guide on this very topic, and it’s much more informative and exhaustive than anything I could tell you. Pay particularly close attention to the part where she says you have to love writing and be in it for the long haul, because you aren’t going to be successful immediately, you aren’t going to get luxury toys right off the bat, and you aren’t going to succeed at all if your writing is terrible or boring.

How do you write a good sex toy review?

I’m not even confident that my reviews are good, but here’s what I’ve learned: you need to have a good balance between dry facts and entertainment value, and you also need to strike a balance between personal opinion and more generally relatable descriptions.

In most of my reviews, I’ll indicate whether or not the toy worked for me, but I’ll also give information that will help a reader figure out whether it would work for them. That’s important. The shape or size or texture or vibration strength of a toy may disqualify it from being enjoyable for me, but that doesn’t mean I should write a useless review in which I tear the toy apart because it didn’t work for my body. Each review has to be as useful as possible, while still being personal.

What does your boyfriend think of what you do?

He’s proud of me and he’s a willing participant in my work. Sometimes I review couples’ toys or men’s toys and my boyfriend happily helps me test them out (or, in some cases, tests them out on his own).

Are you “out” to people about what you do?

My friends, immediate family, and a few select members of my extended family know about my sex toy-related endeavors, yes. I’m lucky enough to come from a very open-minded, liberal family and to have friends who share those values too, so I was never concerned about any of them “finding out” about what I do.

I use a pseudonym (Girly Juice) because I don’t want to burn any bridges when it comes to future conservative employers or whatever. That said, I think we are moving into a future where writing about sex online won’t be an automatic disqualifier for getting a job, and I do hope to be able to “come out” as my real self online someday.

What was the first toy you ever reviewed?

The first thing anyone sent me to review wasn’t actually a toy; it was a book of spanking-themed erotica stories. It was a great book, as is every erotica anthology Rachel Kramer Bussel has ever edited, in my humble opinion.

The first actual toy I was sent to review was the Doc Johnson White Nights Super Bullet. It kind of sucked, but I was still thrilled to review it.

What’s your favorite toy you’ve ever reviewed?

My answer to this question will probably always be the same: the Eroscillator. It’s gotten the most use of any toy I own and gives me orgasms more reliably than any other.

I’ve also gotten a ton of use out of my Liberator Wedge, Njoy Pure Plug, VixSkin Mustang, Fun Factory G4 Patchy Paul, and Lelo Siri.

What’s the worst toy you’ve ever reviewed?

The Love Bone is quite possibly the most boring dildo of all time. I also strongly disliked the Joe Rock plug and Something Forbidden plug. And I still haven’t quite forgiven this glass egg for scaring the shit out of me when I thought it was stuck in my vagina forever.

So do you just, like, masturbate all day every day?

Uh, no. I actually probably masturbate less now than I did before I started reviewing.

I think people often don’t realize that sex toy reviewing isn’t just about testing the toys themselves – it also involves writing, researching, networking, marketing, managing affiliate accounts, corresponding with advertisers and sponsors, answering reader questions/comments, maintaining my website, etc. It’s definitely a pretty sweet gig but it’s not nearly as effortless as people seem to think it is.

Have sex toys lost their appeal, now that using them is basically your job?

Interestingly, no. Sure, I’m more analytical and critical of toys’ sensations now than I was before, but I still enjoy using and owning toys. They have improved my solo sex life significantly.

Where do you store all those toys?

I have two small sets of drawers – one plastic and one metal.

I will probably do a post (eventually) on my updated storage situation, with pictures and all, but for now, here’s the basic layout:

Plastic drawers, top drawer – favorite toys that are used often.
Second drawer – anal toys, Kegel toys, bullet vibrators, and lube samples.
Third drawer – silicone dildos.
Bottom drawer – condoms, porn DVDs, unused sex toy storage boxes, and instruction booklets.

Metal drawers, top drawer – rarely-used vibrators.
Second drawer – dildos made of unusual materials, like metal, wood, ceramic, and glass.
Third drawer – harnesses (of which I only have two so far).
Fourth drawer – men’s toys (because my boyfriend’s living situation doesn’t currently give him much privacy, so he prefers to keep his toys at my place).
Fifth drawer – currently empty except for my enema.
Bottom drawer – massager-style/electric vibes.

How many toys do you own?

Somewhere around 110 right now. I’ve reviewed more than that, but I sometimes give toys away to my friends, or just throw them out if they’re really terrible or broken. (My toybox page lists my collection in full.)

How much money do you make?

Not enough to live on. Yet. But more than I was expecting to make when I got into this biz, certainly.

What toys do you recommend for beginners?

A vibrator that is versatile, and inexpensive but body-safe, like the Turbo Glider.

A Tantus dildo with dimensions that will work for whatever orifice you’re trying to fill. If you’re a beginner to penetration (whether vaginal or anal) and want something slim, try the Charmer or Acute. If you’re ready for something more filling, consider the Comet, Adam O2, Echo, or Tsunami.

If you want to explore your G-spot, you could try a glass toy, or you could get one of the top-of-the-line G-spotters, the Comet Wand or Pure Wand.

If you want a butt plug, definitely look at Tantus’ plugs.

Birth Control: An Inconvenient Truth

Kate Sloan

As a bisexual, one of the things people often ask me is whether I prefer dating men or women. While that is obviously a stupid question, given that I choose partners based on their awesome qualities and not on their genitals, there is one thing that kind of sucks about dating people who have penises: it requires me to be on birth control.

When I first got into my current relationship, which is my first serious relationship with a dude, I got prescribed Alesse – a lower-dose hormonal contraceptive pill. (I was recommended the lower dosage because I have a family history of breast cancer.)

The first 12-18 months or so were hellish. Bad cramps, heavier and more frequent periods than I was used to, and – worst of all – one or two days every month of total batshit moodiness. During those days I’d feel depressed, sometimes suicidal, and always listless and dysfunctional. Many a time, I called up my city’s distress centre to weep at them, or sobbed uncontrollably all over my boyfriend’s formerly dry shirt.

I had always heard that the worst side effects of hormonal birth control will tend to go away after only a few months of being on the drug, but that wasn’t the case for me. It took at least a year before things started to clear up.

After that, I didn’t have depressed days anymore (at least, not hormonally-induced ones), my cramps weren’t as bad, and I got used to the amount of blood, so everything was cool. Except that I had started to hate the process of taking a pill every day. It was annoying to have to remember to do it at the same time, every single day, forever. So I went to see my doctor to discuss other options.

She put me on the NuvaRing, a squishy, hormone-emanating circle that you shove up inside your vag and leave for 3 weeks at a time. I LOVE IT. It’s genius.

Initially I was worried that I’d get an infection from using it, namely BV, because that’s what tends to happen to me when I leave something in my vagina too long. So I would take it out during every shower and give it a rinse before sticking it back in. But eventually I discovered that this wasn’t really necessary. I’ve been wearing my current ring continuously since I put it in 2+ weeks ago and haven’t gotten an infection or even any discomfort.

The one thing that doesn’t thrill me about the NuvaRing is that it makes me a little bit hesitant to use penetrative toys, because I’m worried that the ring will fall out. But really, I shouldn’t worry about that. If it does fall out, I can just rinse it off and put it back in.

My partner and I also use condoms on top of my hormonal BC. Maybe that makes us paranoid, but whatever – we just really, really cannot get pregnant at this juncture in our lives, so we’re being careful. With proper use of high-effectiveness BC methods, condoms aren’t necessary.

Do you use birth control? What’s your current method? Would you recommend it?