Review: Doc Johnson Thinny Minnie

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Every once in a while, a giant, cheap-ass sex toy maker like Doc Johnson comes out with something that catches my eye, and I wonder, Will this be the thing that changes my mind about this company?

The answer, at least in regards to the Thinny Minnie dildo, is a resounding nope.

I thought I would dig the Minnie because its shape reminds me slightly of the Lelo Ella, an elegant and effective G-spot dildo. But Ella stays firm, while Minnie flops. My G-spot needs firmness or girth or both, but the Minnie has neither.

It has an insertable length of 5", which really isn’t that long but feels like an eternity because of how boring the toy’s shaft is: straight, smooth, and skinny.

My G-spot can detect the Thinny Minnie, but just barely. If you want a good silicone G-spot dildo, go for the Acute, Tsunami, Adam, Ella, or Comet Wand instead. Anything but Doc Johnson!

(I know this review is super short, but can you blame me? Look at how boring this dildo is!)

Review: Lelo Large Smart Wand

For a long time, reviewers have been complaining that Lelo vibrators just aren’t strong enough. They’re beautiful, elegant, ergonomic, rechargeable, and high-quality, but many clits-o’-steel have been unimpressed with their strength.

Well, no more. Because the large Smart Wand is one of the strongest vibrators I’ve ever tried, and also one of the best.

For all you Hitachi enthusiasts, take a moment to imagine how your sex life would change if your beloved wand didn’t need to be plugged into the wall in order to work, and if you could actually take it in the bath with you. Mindblowing and life-changing, right? In that case, you probably need a large Smart Wand, pronto.

Before I start sounding too much like an infomercial, let’s get some gripes out of the way. Yes, the toy is 100% waterproof, but the charging port is just an open hole on the end of the toy’s handle. It can be really anxiety-producing to watch bathwater slowly flow into an open orifice on your $135 sex toy. The hole is just as waterproof as the rest of the toy, but I still think Lelo should have at least put a little peel-back silicone plug in that spot, to set bath-bound consumers’ minds at ease.

As for the color… I must admit, I did not order the white wand and it wouldn’t have been my first choice; the one I chose was black but I ended up with the white one nonetheless. The white tends to show every speck of dirt or dust that makes its way onto the toy. However, I do think it would make a lovely bridal/wedding gift, what with being ivory-colored and luxurious.

Most of the toy is covered in satiny-smooth silicone, while the inner edge of the gently curving handle is made of metallic gold plastic that makes it easier to grip the toy. The Lelo logo is embossed into the handle, but it’s high enough on the toy that it would be difficult to accidentally get any lube or natural juices into the grooves of the letters, which is an improvement on some previous Lelo designs.

The head of the massager has a bit of flex to it, like most other wand-style vibes, but it’s minimal. If you like a lot of firm pressure along with your vibrations, this toy can provide it.

Like most massager-style vibes, the part of the Smart Wand that will be touching your genitals is very big and broad. I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it because usually I like something a little more focused, but it didn’t bother me in the end.

Can I just say how much it annoys me that Lelo steadfastly markets this toy as a body massager? Granted, it does work great for body massage, but let’s be real here – Lelo makes sex toys, and has always been upfront about doing so, so why suddenly change the game and act like this vibrator is meant for solely G-rated usage? There is literally no mention of genitals, sex, or masturbation in the Smart Wand instruction manual. This annoys me on principle, but luckily, doesn’t change the awesomeness of the toy itself.

And let me tell you, it is awesome. This massager has very strong vibrations. Though the Smart Wand has multiple speeds like all Lelo vibes, I usually only use the third and fourth ones, because the toy is that strong.

The first three speeds are rumbly, causing the toy to visibly tremble back and forth, while the rest are buzzier – but all feel great. Like the Hitachi, this toy may need to be muffled with underwear or a towel for some users to enjoy it, but it’s worth it.

Much fuss was made about the Smart Wand’s “SenseTouch” mode, in which the vibrations will stay on a low level until they touch your skin, at which point they will ramp up suddenly to a much higher level. This is supposed to feel like the gradual pressure that a masseuse’s hands can provide. I didn’t think much of this mode and won’t be using it, but I can see how it could be useful for someone who plans to use the wand primarily for actual massage.

It’s worth noting that my Smart Wand is the large one; other reviewers have found that the medium version is not nearly as strong. So if power’s what you’re after, get the large.

My final issue with the Smart Wand, which might just be a glitch in my particular toy, is that the buttons are very sensitive. Sometimes I press the “plus” button once, to move up to the next speed, and it skips a few speeds randomly, moving up to a much stronger one than I’m ready for. This can be remedied quickly by pressing the “minus” button until it goes back to a speed I’m comfortable with, but it might be worth considering if you’re very sensitive and would be horrified by sudden earthshattering vibrations on your clit.

But overall? Fuck, man, I love my Smart Wand. It’s absolutely gorgeous, it’s stronger than almost any other vibe in my collection, it can be used anywhere I want (including the bath), and it serves up some hella intense orgasms. Hallelujah, Lelo!

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada! You’re the best!

Happy Masturbation Month!

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Lovelies, I am so proud to have a platform from which to shout this message from the proverbial internet rooftops: MASTURBATION IS AWESOME AND HEALTHY!

Next week I’m giving a talk to a group of volunteers at a telephone hotline that aims to support youth in a sex-positive, queer-positive way. The talk is about – you guessed it – sex toys.

One of the key takeaways I’m hoping to impart on these volunteers is what I mentioned above: the usefulness and loveliness of masturbation as a regular practice. It’s the reason I got into “sex toy advocacy” in the first place, and it’s the reason I continue to be so passionate about sex toys: people should feel empowered to masturbate as they please.

If you want some fun challenges for Masturbation Month, check out my article from last May for a few ideas. And if you want to buy yourself a treat for the occasion, may I recommend the Eroscillator for the zillionth time? (Still my favorite sex toy ever, a year after getting it!)

I hope you’re having a rad Masturbation Month and that you continue to have tons o’ fun orgasms throughout May. Tell me how you’re celebrating this month! (And with which toys!)

Let’s Talk About Terminology: Women

I’ll keep this post short and sweet, because I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.

Female adult humans are called women.

Do not call us “girls.” Do not infantilize us. Do not make the mistake of believing someone is “overreacting” if they take issue with being called a child.

Especially do not call us “girls” if you choose to use the word “men” in the same sentence. Do not juxtapose those two things if you do not mean them literally. Talking about female adults? “Women” is the word you are looking for.

Sometimes I like to be snarky in my enforcement of this language rule, so I trawl sex forums looking for threads with titles like, “Do girls like giving blowjobs?” and “How do girls feel about pubic hair?” and I reply (momentarily setting aside the fact that those posts try to generalize all women), “I certainly hope you’re not having sex with girls.” Or, sometimes, “I don’t know about girls, but I know some women who like giving blowjobs.”

As with any challenge to the status quo of misogynist language, there is always pushback. People scream, “You know what I meant!” And yes, I do know what was meant. I also know what was achieved: infantilization of women and the continuation of a verbal system that supports it.

Check your language. Make sure it’s not laced with oppression and archaic assumptions, ‘cause that shit’s gross.

And for those of you who pointed out that the word “girl” is in my blog name… Yep, you got me! It’s being used in a different context there, and there is a difference between “girly” and “girlish,” but yeah, this shitty language convention is extremely widespread, sometimes to the point that even feminists might not notice it!

Happy Clitoral Awareness Week!

Yes, folks – today marks the start of International Clitoris Awareness Week. It’s time to appreciate the clits in your life! Here are some suggestions for activities this week…

Masturbate clitorally. For some vagina-havers, this is like remedial masturbation, because they’ve moved on to incorporating penetration and other things into their sessions. When was the last time you had a purely clitoral orgasm? Why not revisit them and see how they feel different to you now?

For bonus points, stimulate your clit in a way you haven’t in a long time. For me, that means getting into my bathtub, putting my legs up against the wall, and letting the stream of water fall on my clit. It’s an oldie but a goodie!

Educate someone about the clit. Be a clitoral evangelist! Internet forums are a great place to do this, especially male-dominated sex-focused ones, because so many men (and even women) don’t know how central the clit is to female sexuality. That’s the reason sex forums get zillions of submissions from people who can’t understand why vaginal orgasms aren’t magically happening when they have intercourse. Set someone straight!

If your partner is the one who needs education about your clit, this would be a great week to do it. Explain your clit to your partner if you haven’t been brave enough to do so before.

Look at a diagram of the whole clitoris (see above). Check out the crura (legs) and bulbs. Isn’t it amazing that most people think the clit is just this little nub on the outside of the body? Isn’t it amazing that it’s so much more than that?

If you really want to get creative, try to stimulate your internal clitoris. Some people find rumbly penetrative vibrators work best for this; some think the G-spot is actually part of the internal clit so regular G-spot wands can do the trick. You could also try just using your fingers, or even massaging around your vulva to see if you can access it externally with a good amount of pressure.

Name your clitoris. This feels pretty silly but it can be fun. My ex-girlfriend and I gave names to my clit and her tongue, almost like code words, and it made us feel like cunnilingus spies!

Look at your pussy in a mirror. Preferably one of those magnifying mirrors, with a really good lamp aimed at your junk treasure. Pull back your clit hood and get a good look at what’s underneath. It’s beautiful and it is full of so much astonishing pleasure potential!

Try a clit-focused meditative exercise. When I was a kid, my mom had a book about sexual fantasies that I used to steal and pore over, and it recommended an exercise where you imagine warm honey (or some other viscous substance) slowly filling up your breasts and the various components of your pussy. Sounds weird, but try it with your eyes closed and with utmost focus – it’s great for helping you stay mentally present, whether or not you choose to actually progress to sexual stimulation afterward.

Stimulate your clit in a way that’s new to you. Hot tub jet? Teddy bear’s arm? Heel of your foot, if you’re flexible? Grinding on something firm? Be playful and experiment!

How do you plan on celebrating Clitoris Awareness Week?